Power

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

The Dark Apostle studied the boy's eyes. They were filled with hate.

 

"Yes, this is the one. Begin the implantation process."

 

None, save for the Sorceror noted the build up of psychic power in the boy. Even the famously sensitive Coryphaus did not feel it. The twisted apothecary readied his tools, but he did not get a chance to use them.

 

A beam of darkened power streamed from the boy, straight into the Dark Apostle's chest. The Apothecary was at his side in an instant, but also knew that there was nothing he could do to save the Dark Apostle. The First Acolyte began to pray, and the Icon Bearer made to execute the boy.

 

"No!"

 

The Dark Apostle's voice was weak, yet it still held complete authority. The Icon Bearer stopped, but he was still ready to kill the boy in a moment's notice. The Dark Apostle shook his head.

 

"The Dark Gods brought the boy to us for a reason, and they wished it that I die by his hand. I... Know the Gods want for him to lead the 23rd. But... he must be trained. Taught the faith. I apoint my First Acolyte to do so... and the Gods have nothing more to say through me."

 

And with that, the Dark Apostle died.

 

The First Acolyte snarled, and raised his bolt pistol to the Apostle's killer. He did not get the chance, as the Coryphaus slammed into him.

 

"Did you not hear his dying words? The boy will live, and become the next Dark Apostle. You may lead until then, but if you want to become Dark Apostle go to another part of the Legion, as I will not see the Dark Apostle's last words ignored."

 

The First Acolyte spit at him, but relented. He knew the danger of defying one of the Council's favored.

 

The Apothecary finished harvesting the deceased Dark Apostle's geneseed. He turned to the boy, who had remained silent after killing the Dark Apostle.

 

The boy looked back at him, with wariness in his eyes. He understood that he would live, but he did not know what would happen next.

 

The Apothecary considered him again. The boy held no fear.

 

"What is your name, boy?"

 

The boy grimaced. He looked as though he had something vile in his mouth. Something strange happened then; it was as though a darkly entertaining thought went through the boy. Finally he laughed.

 

"My name? I am Thirst."

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Five years later

 

"Your powers are growing, Thirst."

 

The Sorceror gestured. A bolt of darkness flew at Thirst, but he too gestured and the bolt was absorbed into a quickly erected shield. Thirst grinned, his abilities energizing him.

 

"But they still do not match the power I saw when you killed the former Dark Apostle."

 

Growling, Thirst shot back "I was desperate, and I wanted to kill someone before you did whatever it was that you were going to do. The Dark Apostle was clearly in charge, but he looked tough to kill, so I let loose with what I had."

 

The two continued their sorcerous duel as they spoke. The Sorceror was quietly amazed, he hadn't seen such power in years. The only beings he knew that could match Thirst were Ahriman and his band of sorcerors, and a few others he had encountered in his long life.

 

Such potential. Such danger. The Sorceror had to make sure that power was never to be used against him.

 

Eventually the Sorceror defeated Thirst. Both knew that he had done so because of a mistake on Thirst's part, and the Sorceror counciled him on it.

 

Thirst left several hours later, to spend time in worship of the Gods. As the Sorceror watched him go, he knew that it was indeed the will of the Gods that Thirst had lived. Their favor was blatantly obvious.

 

The Sorceror went to his chambers, and began to pray...

[Dosjetka]

I really like this, very good work here Thirst. :)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I really like this, very good work here Thirst. :)

 

Thanks.

 

Right now all I'm trying to do so is establish his abilities and his character. Sort of like an IA or IT.

 

The actual plot starts after he has developed, although you can say the development is part of the plot. But the story will start after he assumes the mantle of Dark Apostle, which will come in a few posts. For now, let us continue seeing Thirst grow...

 

Two months later

 

The First Acolyte was displeased. Thirst could tell immediately. He had managed to not only survive, but completely route the Guardsmen enough that a few actually had turned on their officers to help win the day, as well as rescue the stolen artifact. But he could never manage to please the First Acolyte. He sighed and braced himself on yet another lecture of how unworthy he was to be a Word Bearer.

 

Instead, the First Acolyte tossed a sparring sword to him.

 

"You have yet to fight against an astartes. You must be prepared for when the time comes."

 

Thirst readied himself warily. He had already killed the Dark Apostle, and so usurped the First Acolyte's place. Was this an excuse to kill him?

 

"I'm geussing I will be unable to use my God given gifts?"

 

"Indeed, Thirst."

 

The First Acolyte sneered as he said this, as though to even suggest otherwise was pure idiocy. Thirst raged silently, but forced himself to be calm. Anger would not win him this battle.

 

Both waited for the other to make a move. Finally the First Acolyte swung, and the duel began.

 

From the beginning Thirst was hard pressed to keep himself safe, and gained few chances to strike back. Those times that he did his attacks were easily parried or dodged, but Thirst became patient. He began to see when and where he might get an opening.

 

In contrast, the First Acolyte became even more frenzied and murderous. Thirst's energy drained from him, he did not have the full strength and endurance of astartes. Sweat began to bead on his forehead, but he fought on. He would not allow himself to lose this.

 

The duel continued. Thirst spied an opening and lunged at the First Acolyte's gut. He was backhanded, and landed on the hard, marble floor.

 

"The First Acolyte's blade came into view. Thirst prepared a sorcerous distraction, for he refused to die this day.

 

The First Acolyte's voice cut in before he could, and said "Impressive, Thirst. But you would have been dead, and there would have been nothing you could do about it."

 

Anger surged through Thirst, and with a motion he sent the First Acolyte flying through the air. The First Acolyte landed gracefully and threw a knife from a nearby rack into Thirst's wrist, pinning him in place. Thirst bit back the pain, and slowly forced himself to calm.

 

The First Acolyte spoke once he knew that Thirst would restrain himself. "Don't rely on your powers, boy. I could have easily done far worse than this."

 

With that he yanked the knife from Thirst's wrist, and used it's flat side to smack Thirst.

 

"Go to the penance chambers after you get your weakling hand replaced."

 

Thirst nodded. There was nothing else he could do.

[Dosjetka]

Hm...I like this a lot my friend :D

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Hm...I like this a lot my friend :)

 

Thanks. I don't want to make him overpowered, but I do want to make him powerful. Careful balance between the two.

 

Across the next five years

 

From that point on, every day Thirst would engage in a duel. At first, it was only the First Acolyte with which he fought, but before long he had to fight other champions of the 23rd. Kharnacm the berzerker champion was the next he fought.

 

 

Gotta go unexpectedly. Will expand this.

[calgar101]

I think you should merge your posts this is 1 myabe 2 chapters length at best. It seems more of a prologue than an actual story. In places more detail is required and it is quite bland.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I think you should merge your posts this is 1 myabe 2 chapters length at best. It seems more of a prologue than an actual story. In places more detail is required and it is quite bland.

 

This is a prologue of sorts. That is kinda the point, I do beleive I pointed that out B)

 

The more detail thing - sure, I can put more detail into them. Any spefic things, like armour or background that should be put in above other things?

[calgar101]

Ah okay i see. Personally i think it should all be in one post then..

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

The Dark Apostle studied the boy's eyes. They were filled with hate.

 

"Yes, this is the one. Begin the implantation process."

 

None, save for the Sorceror noted the build up of psychic power in the boy. Even the famously sensitive Coryphaus did not feel it. The twisted apothecary readied his tools, but he did not get a chance to use them.

 

A beam of darkened power streamed from the boy, straight into the Dark Apostle's chest. The Apothecary was at his side in an instant, but also knew that there was nothing he could do to save the Dark Apostle. The First Acolyte began to pray, and the Icon Bearer made to execute the boy.

 

"No!"

 

The Dark Apostle's voice was weak, yet it still held complete authority. The Icon Bearer stopped, but he was still ready to kill the boy in a moment's notice. The Dark Apostle shook his head.

 

"The Dark Gods brought the boy to us for a reason, and they wished it that I die by his hand. I... Know the Gods want for him to lead the 23rd. But... he must be trained. Taught the faith. I apoint my First Acolyte to do so... and the Gods have nothing more to say through me."

 

And with that, the Dark Apostle died.

 

The First Acolyte snarled, and raised his bolt pistol to the Apostle's killer. He did not get the chance, as the Coryphaus slammed into him.

 

"Did you not hear his dying words? The boy will live, and become the next Dark Apostle. You may lead until then, but if you want to become Dark Apostle go to another part of the Legion, as I will not see the Dark Apostle's last words ignored."

 

The First Acolyte spit at him, but relented. He knew the danger of defying one of the Council's favored.

 

The Apothecary finished harvesting the deceased Dark Apostle's geneseed. He turned to the boy, who had remained silent after killing the Dark Apostle.

 

The boy looked back at him, with wariness in his eyes. He understood that he would live, but he did not know what would happen next.

 

The Apothecary considered him again. The boy held no fear.

 

"What is your name, boy?"

 

The boy grimaced. He looked as though he had something vile in his mouth. Something strange happened then; it was as though a darkly entertaining thought went through the boy. Finally he laughed.

 

"My name? I am Thirst."

 

 

 

 

Five years later

 

"Your powers are growing, Thirst."

 

The Sorceror gestured. A bolt of darkness flew at Thirst, but he too gestured and the bolt was absorbed into a quickly erected shield. Thirst grinned, his abilities energizing him.

 

"But they still do not match the power I saw when you killed the former Dark Apostle."

 

Growling, Thirst shot back "I was desperate, and I wanted to kill someone before you did whatever it was that you were going to do. The Dark Apostle was clearly in charge, but he looked tough to kill, so I let loose with what I had."

 

The two continued their sorcerous duel as they spoke. The Sorceror was quietly amazed, he hadn't seen such power in years. The only beings he knew that could match Thirst were Ahriman and his band of sorcerors, and a few others he had encountered in his long life.

 

Such potential. Such danger. The Sorceror had to make sure that power was never to be used against him.

 

Eventually the Sorceror defeated Thirst. Both knew that he had done so because of a mistake on Thirst's part, and the Sorceror counciled him on it.

 

Thirst left several hours later, to spend time in worship of the Gods. As the Sorceror watched him go, he knew that it was indeed the will of the Gods that Thirst had lived. Their favor was blatantly obvious.

 

The Sorceror went to his chambers, and began to pray...

 

Two months later

 

The First Acolyte was displeased. Thirst could tell immediately. He had managed to not only survive, but completely route the Guardsmen enough that a few actually had turned on their officers to help win the day, as well as rescue the stolen artifact. But he could never manage to please the First Acolyte. He sighed and braced himself on yet another lecture of how unworthy he was to be a Word Bearer.

 

Instead, the First Acolyte tossed a sparring sword to him.

 

"You have yet to fight against an astartes. You must be prepared for when the time comes."

 

Thirst readied himself warily. He had already killed the Dark Apostle, and so usurped the First Acolyte's place. Was this an excuse to kill him?

 

"I'm geussing I will be unable to use my God given gifts?"

 

"Indeed, Thirst."

 

The First Acolyte sneered as he said this, as though to even suggest otherwise was pure idiocy. Thirst raged silently, but forced himself to be calm. Anger would not win him this battle.

 

Both waited for the other to make a move. Finally the First Acolyte swung, and the duel began.

 

From the beginning Thirst was hard pressed to keep himself safe, and gained few chances to strike back. Those times that he did his attacks were easily parried or dodged, but Thirst became patient. He began to see when and where he might get an opening.

 

In contrast, the First Acolyte became even more frenzied and murderous. Thirst's energy drained from him, he did not have the full strength and endurance of astartes. Sweat began to bead on his forehead, but he fought on. He would not allow himself to lose this.

 

The duel continued. Thirst spied an opening and lunged at the First Acolyte's gut. He was backhanded, and landed on the hard, marble floor.

 

"The First Acolyte's blade came into view. Thirst prepared a sorcerous distraction, for he refused to die this day.

 

The First Acolyte's voice cut in before he could, and said "Impressive, Thirst. But you would have been dead, and there would have been nothing you could do about it."

 

Anger surged through Thirst, and with a motion he sent the First Acolyte flying through the air. The First Acolyte landed gracefully and threw a knife from a nearby rack into Thirst's wrist, pinning him in place. Thirst bit back the pain, and slowly forced himself to calm.

 

The First Acolyte spoke once he knew that Thirst would restrain himself. "Don't rely on your powers, boy. I could have easily done far worse than this."

 

With that he yanked the knife from Thirst's wrist, and used it's flat side to smack Thirst.

 

"Go to the penance chambers after you get your weakling hand replaced."

 

Thirst nodded. There was nothing else he could do.

 

 

Like this?

[calgar101]

Yes, much easier to read and comes across more as a prologue. Having multiple posts that contain bugger all of the story is a bit silly. I like the majority of it and i hope its fleshed out.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Yes, much easier to read and comes across more as a prologue. Having multiple posts that contain bugger all of the story is a bit silly. I like the majority of it and i hope its fleshed out.

 

Oh, the prologue isn't even done yet. It will be soon though.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Over the next ten years

 

From that point on, Thirst dueled every single day. At first, he fought only the First Acolyte. Eventually he fought against some of the other champions of the 23rd as well.

 

It was two years before he won a duel. It was another month before he could repeat the feat. After that, he soon beat all of those who were pitted against him, save for the First Acolyte himself.

 

He then fought multiple opponents, first two at a time, which progressed to three and eventually whole ten man squads. The road was long and difficult, but eventually Thirst became the most dangerous warrior of the 23rd.

 

His lessons in the Word Bearers faith and the control of his psychic abilities also continued throughout those years. Thirst grew strong in both his faith and in his mastery of the Warp, and at the end of 15 years of being taught by the finest warriors that the 23rd could provide the Coryphaus stepped in.

 

 

 

Thirst walked in his new, but already personalized and ornate, power armour alongside the Coryphaus. Thirst geussed that they were going to the war room of the battle barge Unholy Blade, where he had lived for the past fifteen years. However, he said nothing. The Coryphaus would speak when he deemed it best, and Thirst held no authority over him. Not yet.

 

Thirst saw that he was correct. But the war room was active, even though they were stationed above Sicarius. What was going on?

 

The Coryphaus gestured to the holomap. It did not display the surface of Sicarius, rather some other world. Thirst began to realize what this would be about.

 

"You have been taught how to fight as an individual, Thirst. But you are not a warrior, you are a Champion of the Dark Gods. You will fight, but you must also lead. These are the most important lessons you must learn, for you must take care of the 23rd. You must be a leader of holy astartes."

 

Thirst knew that he would have to wait just a little longer. But he also realized that these lessons were vitally important. He swore to himself, then, that he would not fail.

 

"It is my job to teach you these things, Thirst. And you must learn."

[Dosjetka]

Hm...I like the newest update, but I think that there should be a bit more thickness to it. Also, I don't really get the feeling that the story is about the Word Bearers. Maybe a bit more detail about the inside of the ship, the colour of the armour, the insignia's on the shoulder pads, etc... It would be a much better read. But it's getting there, I'm sure. :)

 

My two pence.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Hm...I like the newest update, but I think that there should be a bit more thickness to it. Also, I don't really get the feeling that the story is about the Word Bearers. Maybe a bit more detail about the inside of the ship, the colour of the armour, the insignia's on the shoulder pads, etc... It would be a much better read. But it's getting there, I'm sure. :D

 

My two pence.

 

Alright then, let's see what I can cook up to fix that complaint.

 

Thirst learned tactics and oratory over the next ten years. He became a raptorous speaker wh could ensnare his audience, and began preparing the Host for wars against the infidels. His blood red armour became a common sight on the war pulpit, and soon the Host looked to him not only as a potential leader, but as a Dark Apostle.

 

The only one who was not pleased with this ten year process was the First Acolyte. He knew that his time in power was almost over, and he began to prepare the death of Thirst.

 

The Dark Gods had other plans. In ninth year since the Coryphaus began teaching Thirst, the First Acolyte fell in an attempt to assasinate Thirst in the field of battle. A coterie saw this intended treachery and so executed the would be assassin in a hail of bolter fire.

 

Thirst was shortly crowned Dark Apostle in light of this treachery. Thirst realized the first thing he would need would be recruits, and a new First Acolyte. For those purposes, he had plans...

[Dosjetka]

Is the above a part of the story or a summary? It would be nice if you told the story of the would-be assassination. :)

 

Oh, and it wasn't a complaint, it's C&C ;)

[Walter Payton]

What I would say in relation to this story is that it seems...a little Mary Sue. Thirst is portrayed in very favourable terms and in very...flowery language. I would advise you not to fall into that all-too-common pitfall of writing about yourself (albeit an online one)-looking too 'awesome and look at me!'

 

Besides this minor detail, it is very well written and thought out.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Is the above a part of the story or a summary? It would be nice if you told the story of the would-be assassination. :D

 

Oh, and it wasn't a complaint, it's C&C :)

 

It is part of the prologue, and there isn't much to tell of the would be assassination

 

I consider them one and the same.

 

Here is a preview of things to come:

 

The Sanguinary Guard hit the homing beacon, determined to kill this traitor even in death. Thirst heard the button being pressed, and looked down at the dying Guard.

 

Thirst laughed. A flicker of fear passed over the Sanguinary Guard's eyes.

 

"You wish to call an orbital bombardment? From your strike cruiser?"

 

Thirst sounded amused, as though it was something not to be feared. Even Dante himself would fear one, why was the Traitor immune to this weakness?

 

Thirst gestured, and the Strike cruiser exploded in a sphere of aetheric flame.

[Dosjetka]

Hmm....nice prview...would like more though -_- :)

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Thirst strode into the War Room, where his commanders where assembled. The Sorceror, Coryphaus, and Icon Bearer - all looked up and immediately prostrated themselves before the Dark Apostle. He gestured for them to rise, and the zealous warriors did so.

 

"Sorceror," Thirst began, " I need you to get us ready to travel through the Warp to the Kraitic system."

 

The Sorceror nodded, and began giving orders to the ships crew whilst preparing his mind for the Warp jump.

 

"Icon Bearer - lead the Host's other Icon Bearers into the practice of summoning holy daemons. We'll need allies from the Warp soon."

 

The Icon Bearer went off, voxing the other warriors as he did so.

 

"Coryphaus, we need to plan out an attack on the Kraitic system. The information of the system can be found here - "

 

Thirst gestured, and the holomap at the center of the War Room depicted a large system, with one huge, volatile star, and seven planets orbiting it.

 

" - and this is where we will recruit from."

 

The holomap zoomed in to the second, third, and fourth planets. The second was uninhabited, far too close to the sun to be livable by mere mortals, but the Word Bearers had no such weaknesses. The fourth was a forgeworld, stained ruby red. The third was a recruiting ground for the adeptas sororitas. Faith, it seemed, could be genetic.

 

"The second planet in the system will provide as an excellent base for our attacks. The Icon Bearers will need to corrupt some of the citizens and form cults via the Warp, so that the Host will have a flow of recruits to tap when we get there."

 

The Coryphaus nodded, seeing that he had trained the Dark Apostle well.

 

"Coryphaus, I'll leave you to plan out how we should attack planetside. I have already planned out one method of conquering the system, should the need arise. I am not going there for ownership of the system, however. I am going there to gain a First Acolyte and rebuild the Host's strength."

 

Again, the Coryphaus nodded. The Dark Apostle was clearly distracted though. Thirst - The Dark Apostle, the Coryphaus mentally corrected himself - usually was not this... friendly. It galled the Coryphaus to even think it, and again the Coryphaus mentally corrected himself. The Dark Apostle just had a war to plan.

 

Even as the honoured warrior thought this, Thirst was busy with his own thoughts. He needed to know that he would not fail, and for now, he had to rely on his retinue's advice. They had seen far more wars than he had, and Thirst could not fail in his first campaign as a Dark Apostle.

 

Both red armoured warriors snapped out of their thoughts when the Unholy Blade started activating it's Warp drives, and both went to their duties troubled.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

"Daemons are swaying mortals as we speak. In mere weeks cults will become powerful enough to begin sending arms, and in months they will be powerful enough to do whatever we will for them to do."

 

Pleased with the results of several weeks work, Thirst turned to the Sorceror.

 

"The Warp has been smooth, and I predict will be for our journey to the Kriatic system. The sacrifices have appeased the controling powers over this region of the Warp, and they will not attack so long as we hold our promise to give them more victims when we arrive."

 

Thirst nodded at this, for he had felt the same. He turned to the Coryphaus last.

 

"I have made several possible campaign plans in which you might achieve your goals with minimal losses," said the Coryphaus, respectively. "But I do not know how the system has changed since our last reports. I also cannot predict how much retaliation will be summoned when we arrive."

 

Thirst's reponse was immediate.

 

"Sorceror - see what you can of the system's current status. The Coryphaus will tell you what he needs. Icon Bearer, do what you can to support the Sorceror in this."

 

As his officers went off to complete their assigned tasks, Thirst opened his mind to the Warp. He flew, much farther than the Unholy Blade, to the system. His aetheric sight saw the lives, but not the materials, not the power that could be there. Only those who lived. The forgeworld was dead to him, save for a single hive, and Thirst cursed at his lack of sight.

 

An idea came to him, then. He began to flit through the minds of those from the third and fourth worlds, to absorb what they knew. Most were simply commonplace Imperial citizens, and knew only propaganda from that hated Ecclesiarchy. The recruiting ground of the Adeptas Soriritas was so saturated with faith in the False Emperor it sickened the Dark Apostle, and he stayed far from that vile place. But he saw a few oppurtunities, here and there.

 

It seemed that the worlds had not changed much; mountains, oceans and such were all still there. However, the strength of the Kriatic system has grown. A commander, a powerful one, was found, and Thirst did not attempt to search his mind. Instead, he possessed a menial, a slave, who belonged to the commander.

 

Thirst looked through the wretche's eyes, and saw a Dark Angels Captain. The effect on Thirst was immediate, and he recoiled. The Dark Angels were notoriously good at spotting Chaos corruption, due to their need to wipe themselves clean from those who had been wise enough to turn from 'The Fallen', or so they called them. Loyalist scum.

 

Thirst quickly approximated the power that the Captain would likely have. Not much, he decided. There was no way that the captain could know that the Word Bearers were coming. Thirst began to listen to the Captain's words.

 

"We are simply investigating a possible hideout for traitors, govenor," The captain was saying, "for you have said that the populace seemed to be lacking in the Imperial faith lately. Perhaps a public execution of some wicked criminal might appease them? We could ensure that the prisoner confesses to whatever crime he has committed."

 

Thirst sneered silently. They were mistaking the work of the Word Bearers for one of their traitors! It was almost laughable.

 

There was still danger there, however. Thirst would have to make sure that this Dark Angel would not threaten his plans.

 

Suddenly Thirst felt another presence, one like his. It was coming closer, and Thirst quickly blocked his aetheric flame from those with psychic sight.

 

But it was too late. A Librarian strode into view, and summararily executed Thirst's host. Thirst fled then, back to the Unholy Blade. He had news for his Coryphaus.