Courage and Honour!

Dosjetka · May 6, 2010

A humble and short (?) story dedicated to Brother-Captain Alecto who’s works I greatly admire. ;)

Enjoy! :)

******

Chapter One

Awakening

++Courage and Honour!++

Ultramarine Warcry

A fresh wave of acrid, carcoal black fumes of the battlefield blotted out the sky for a few moments, the moon only just illuminating the young boy’s bloodied face and torn body. There were screams. Screams of pain that pierced the normal nighttime tranquility. Pain from his slashed limbs and torso coursed through his body, overriding all his functions. His left had been twisted ut of form and he could see his femur jutting out of his ruined calf. Blood oozed out of wounds covered his entire body.

He couldn’t think straight. He tried to concentrate on something other than the immense pain he was feeling but the ever-growing pool of crimson liquid that stained the snow underneath him and his unusually grey hair instantly caught his eye. He was going to die, but at least he would do so in a honourable way. He had killed at least a dozen rival tribesmen and had been mortally wounded by the thirteenth. Where his killer was, he did not know, but the youth hoped that he would be avenged by his fellow tribesmen and that they would clear his family’s name from his shame with the blood of the enemy.

Slowly, his vision started receding, his senses were going numb though he could still smell the strong of burning corpses. His final resting had finally arrived. A small smile tugged at his pale, ragged and bloodspattered features. The suffering would end and he would rest in piece.

In the last moments of vision that were still left to him, he could see a gigantic shadow envelop his body, completely blotting out any light from above. Piercing red eyes looked down at him, the figure’s massive blue armour reflecting a powerful but distant light. But the boy did not fear. He was on the verge of death, nothing could stop that now. Nothing…

*****

Awake. He was awake. He could hear his breathing, slow and deep. He could hear his heart pumping blood to all parts of his body.

He could smell too. It didn't smell of earth, rich and humid, as it did back home. Instead there was a sweet but bitter smell in the air of some herbs which he could not identify. They were none that he had encountered back in his tribe, otherwise he would have known. He paid monthly vists to the the tribe healer, Efhek, and so knew most of the smells from medicinal herbs that grew around the tribal encampment.

His feelings also came back in a matter of seconds. He could feel the sheets that he was covered with. It was nothing he had ever felt. They were thin and soft yet kept him very warm, unlike the materials that he was used to, which were very rouch and itchy.

He was not with his tribe.

Slowly, he opened his deep blue eyes and looked around. Cold stone walls lined with shelves covered with all kinds of strange liquids and balms stared back at him. Most of the walls around him were covered with equipment racks. He was also not alone and could hear other people's breathing. At least two other people.

As he tried to get up, a small metallic box next to him emitted a high-pitched whine, forcing him to lie down on his cot again. A massive figure, clad in snow-white armour stomped over towards him. The figure's face was scarred and one of his eyes was missing. In it's place there was a metallic rimmed red lens. It whirred as it followed the other eye's movement as it observed the dazed youth.

"Welcome young neophyte." The voice was a deep grumble, yet there was kindness in it. But that was not what left the youth speechless: the giant had just spoke in his tribal tongue. "You have passed the tissue compatibility tests and psychological screening and have recovered well from your wounds and are now at 94% health. It is better than most of us expected."

"Us, s-sir?" he managed to say, trying to keep the fear out of his voice though it still was sitting in his gut like a stone.

"Yes, us. The other Apothecaries and I, healers of the Ultramarine Chapter. We are the Emperor's Chosen, His Angels of Death and you have been selected to join us."

"The Emperor?" He could not understand who this 'Emperor' was.

"Yes, the Emperor, the Saviour of Man. His is the god you call the 'Sky Lord'. He is your Lord now that you are part of us. You are now a neophyte of the Ultramarines, Alecto"

Alecto stared up in awe. He knew his name. He tried to say something, anything, but the words just wouldn't come.

Ufthak · May 13, 2010

Hm, sounds quite good! A bit short, would have liked to have heard more, but then I guess that's the point of a teaser!

Will there be any more?

Definitely looking forward ;)

antique_nova · May 14, 2010

The story could be epic if you were more descriptive of the objects and smells in the surroundings. The fresh wave of fumes that blotted out the battlefield, did they affect him in any way? What colour are they? Does it smell? What kind of pain was coursing through the boy's body? Where was it or where did he think the pain came from? If you are re-introducing the tribesmen later, then now would be a good time to give some sort of description as to what they look like ( with leaders you can always get away with evaluating their appearance further, but never their minions ).

That's a few starter points, but i hope it doesn't discourage you and gets you going :(

thanks

antique_nova

Walter Payton · May 14, 2010

A humble and short (?) story dedicated to Brother-Captain Alecto who’s works I greatly admire. :P

Enjoy! :(

Err. Wow.

Thanks very much indeed. Words fail me. It's my birthday too (well nearly). Great timing, Ludovic.

You have permission to kill me off at a later date :(

I'm going to start the Tale of Battle-Brother Ludovic of the Imperial Fists (or whatever chapter you like).

This is very good, if you want C&C.

antique_nova · May 14, 2010

What member who hasn't read your stories Brother-Captain Alecto and doesn't admire them?

Dosjetka · May 15, 2010

What member who hasn't read your stories Brother-Captain Alecto and doesn't admire them?

Exactly what I was thinking :P

I'm going to start the Tale of Battle-Brother Ludovic of the Imperial Fists (or whatever chapter you like).

To be honest, I'll have to see about that, but I'm not an epic writer like you are :P I don't really deserve to be remembered in the Scroll Of Honours :P

Thanks for the C&C chaps, especially antique_nova! I'll be finishing the first "Intro" part quite soon (I'll try and get it on early next week) and yes, there will definitely be more now ;)

Cheers,

BBL

antique_nova · May 17, 2010

No problem ;), don't just rely on me for help though for two reasons. There are other writers like Skirax and Calgar101 and you only by looking through other threads and looking at other stories :cuss. the second reason is that i am leaving this friday.......and i intend to leave with a big bang. Make that two big bangs ^_^.

thanks

antique_nova

Dosjetka · May 17, 2010

++DELETED++

Dosjetka · May 17, 2010

Ok, I've redone the teaser. It's still short but then most teasers are, aren't they? ;)

C&C greatly appreciated :)

A fresh wave of acrid, carcoal black fumes of the battlefield blotted out the sky for a few moments, the moon only just illuminating the young boy’s bloodied face and torn body. There were screams. Screams of pain that pierced the normal nighttime tranquility. Pain from his slashed limbs and torso coursed through his body, overriding all his functions. His left had been twisted ut of form and he could see his femur jutting out of his ruined calf. Blood oozed out of wounds covered his entire body.

He couldn’t think straight. He tried to concentrate on something other than the immense pain he was feeling but the ever-growing pool of crimson liquid that stained the snow underneath him and his unusually grey hair instantly caught his eye. He was going to die, but at least he would do so in a honourable way. He had killed at least a dozen rival tribesmen and had been mortally wounded by the thirteenth. Where his killer was, he did not know, but the youth hoped that he would be avenged by his fellow tribesmen and that they would clear his family’s name from his shame with the blood of the enemy.

Slowly, his vision started receding, his senses were going numb though he could still smell the strong of burning corpses. His final resting had finally arrived. A small smile tugged at his pale, ragged and bloodspattered features. The suffering would end and he would rest in piece.

In the last moments of vision that were still left to him, he could see a gigantic shadow envelop his body, completely blotting out any light from above. Piercing red eyes looked down at him, the figure’s massive blue armour reflecting a powerful but distant light. But the boy did not fear. He was on the verge of death, nothing could stop that now. Nothing…

Dosjetka · May 20, 2010

Not a single comment on the updated version? :lol:

Walter Payton · May 20, 2010

Not a single comment on the updated version? :lol:

Hello.

I think that the updated version is streets ahead of the old one, well done :lol:

Dosjetka · May 20, 2010

I think that the updated version is streets ahead of the old one, well done ;)

Ok, thanks. And I hope that you will like the story as it develops :P

Ludovic

Dosjetka · May 21, 2010

It's still not finished and the last sentence will be edited when I have time. In the meantime, enjoy! :D

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