IA: Fire Templars

[toaae]

This was/is my first attempt at writing an IA. It's been several years since I have started, but I have finally finished! Pleas enjoy:

Sons of the Flame: The Fire Templars

”I thank the Emperor for my soul. I thank Dorn for my strength. I thank Sigismund for my heart. And I thank our foe for providing me with a worthwhile way to die. Like wildfire, brothers. Leave nothing alive.” - the last words of Chapter Master Adramel

T

hough heavily divergent from the Codex Astartes, the Fire Templars have become one of the Segmentum Pacificus's exemplary chapters. Known for their passion, courage, and unrelenting will to lose, the chapter has defended the Imperium at great costs. For whatever controversy surrounds them, they always strive to protect the realm of Man, and honor the Emperor. In these dark days, it is chapters like the Fire Templars that continue to inspire the imperial citizen and soldier.

Fire Templar

Origins

"Our name is suiting. From the very beginning, we were tested by the fiercest flames of war. We came out all the more tempered for our duty." - Venerable Appole, the Fire Templar's First Emperor's Champion

From the Ashes...

I

n the wake of the Age of Apostasy, the Imperium was reeling, and a new founding of Space Marines was declared. In recognition of their part in the Second Siege of Terra, the Black Templars were asked to provide a cadre of veterans and specialists to found a new chapter. Castellan Adramel volunteered for this duty, and became the chapter's first master. With it's incessant underhive gang wars providing the chapter a suitable recruitment base, the fourth planet of the Koria system was picked, and it's volcanic moon, Freugr, chosen to house the chapter's fortress-monastery.

Cabilis and WAAAAGH! Treskul

T

he hive world provided many recruits, and the chapter expanded rapidly. While still small, Adramel was eager to test the new marines in battle. The chapter, number 876, was named the Fire Templars, after their volcanic base of operations and the strong Black Templar heritage Adramel and his brethren brought with them. It was from early, small-scale conflicts that the first Fire Templars from Koria earned their power armor. By the time WAAAGH! Treskul struck the nearby system of Cabilis, the chapter was ready. It would be the Fire Templars' first major test.

Cabilis was an industrial world, with ash wastelands covering much of the surface. The only remaining major natural feature were the mountain ranges that cut the planet into regions, and the toxic ocean that didn't suffer any living creature. Upon arrival, Adramel met with his advisors, and a plan was drawn to use surgical strikes to bait the orks into a major, isolated pass in the mountains. The majority of the three hundred Fire Templars present would then fall on them there, where the xenos' numbers would be meaningless, and were the Warlord Treskul could be brought down. The plan would effectively cut the heart out of the Ork forces, allowing other Imperial forces to clean up the rest.

Once in action, the surgical strikes drove the orks towards the pass. When the foul creatures finally began moving into the trap, the Fire Templars were ready. Organized in a mirror version of a Black Templar Crusade, the Crusader squads were supported by a full compliment of armored vehicles. In space, the Fire Templar fleet was ready to provide support, with orbital weapons and drop pods prepared. The marines were confident that their victory was assured.

The Foe Unexpected...

U

nbeknownest to the Templars, the planet of Cabilis itself was about to turn on the Imperium. Many of the planet's mountains had had once been volcanic, and the largest of them was perched to the pass's west side. There had not been an eruption for several millennium. But, in all the chaos of the ork invasion, the telltale signs of an active volcano were overlooked or ignored. And on that fateful day, the greatest mountain of Cabilis came to life.

The peak exploded. Caught off-guard, many of the ground forces were crushed in the avalanche. The marines that weren't immediately killed quickly found themselves overwhelmed by the orkish horde. Pockets of Fire Templars were swallowed up by the green tide.

Forgemaster Rasdr and The Black Swords

Following the Battle of Cabilis, the Fire Templars were forced to replace a lot of equipment that was lost in the disaster in the pass. One such item was the Black Sword, symbol of the Emperor's Champion and of the Fire Templars' connection to the Black Templars. Thirteen shards of the sword were recovered and placed in the armory. Centuries later, a particularly gifted Techmarine rose to the position of Master of the Forge. His name was Rasdr, and he carried a gift with forging weapons and armor. Rasdr petitioned the Chapter Master and Lord Council for the right to use the Black Shards. Though hesitant to risk any damage to the sacred shards, Rasdr was given permission, and the techmarine shut himself in one of Freugr's volcanoes that he had outfitted into his personal forge. When he finally emerged, Rasdr brought out six new Black Swords. The workmanship was unmatched, and the weapons were perfect replicas of the original sword. The chapter honored him as the first, and only Forgemaster of the Fire Templars. Rasdr would go on to forge more weapons using the shards: the Emperor's Talons, the Axe of Dorn, the Hammer of Freugr, and Adremel's Fist, a special powerfist that now acts as the Chapter Master's symbol of office. Of the remaining three shards, one was with Rasdr when he disappeared in the warp, and the other two sit in the chapter's armory, awaiting the next Forgemaster to rebuild them.

Shocked, but undaunted, Adremal ordered all remaining Fire Templars, in space and on the ground, to regroup in one location. The quick response may have saved the battle, but it was the actions of Appole, the chapter's first Emperor's Champion, that caused the orks to break. At the height of the battle, the Champion had led a charge into the orks, and single-handedly defeated the Warlord Threskul. Shocked that their leader had fallen, the orks began to fall back. By the end of the day, the battle was over.

The Price of Victory

T

he cost to the chapter had been high. Of the three hundred marines who had landed on the planet, little more then half survived, with two-thirds of the casualties caused by the violent eruption and subsequent ork assault. Adramel had lost his own right hand, Appole had succumbed to his wounds inflicted by the Warlord, and the Black Sword, symbol of the Emperor's Champion and a gift from the Black Templars, had been shattered in the battle. With the ork horde leaderless, it began to fight amongst itself, and the chapter withdrew to Freugr to recover from its loses.

However, fate continued to conspire against the young chapter. Nine years after the events at Cabilis, the Fire Templars' own system came under attack. A warband of the Raven Host, a once-proud chapter turned renegade, attacked the last of Koria's ten planets. Falling upon this outermost world, their corruption became apparent: they had given up the light of the Emperor for Tzeentch's vile schemes, and had been gifted with enhanced strength and durability. The entirety of this warband, almost one and a half times the Fire Templar's numbers, assaulted Koria X. A small Adeptus Mechanicus outpost was placed under siege by the traitor marines. The Fire Templars did not care as to why the Raven Host had appeared, but that they would assault the chapter's home system was not only a threat, but an insult that the marines could not allow.

Adramel immediately mobilized the chapter. Knowing that he was outnumbered and wouldn't have the time to gather proper information on the foe, the wise commander put together his battleplan. He ordered all neophytes to be outfitted in power armor, so that they would be given a test by fire; the chapter's youngest only had to prove themselves once, when their chapter needed them most. The Fire Templars would have to rely on overwhelming force at critical locations to defeat their foe.

Defence of Koria X

D

espite being outnumbered in marines, the chapter possessed a much larger and better prepared fleet. The heretics had arrived in several old strike cruisers, that seemed to be in disrepair and poorly crewed. The renegade fleet was eliminated quickly, and the Fire Templars wasted no time in assaulting the heretics. The Adeptus Mechanicus outpost wasn't a large facility, but still possessed numerous defenses. It was enough to hold the traitors off while the Fire Templars moved into position.

Understanding that the only way to defeat the heretics was to eliminate their most key components first, Adramel ordered that the most skilled infiltrators in the chapter be assembled. The plan was simple: find and kill the leaders, and destroy their machines of war. Then, use superior mobility to divide the enemy, and finish each part off by overwhelming them. All of this had to be accomplished in short order, lest the traitors be able to organize a counter-attack that could overwhelm the chapter.

The chosen hunters donned the scout armor of the neophytes to better help them remain unseen, and landed first, out of sight of the enemy. They began their task of aggressively finding the leaders of the heretics, and sabotaging their weapons of war. When the grand sorcerer of the Raven Host warband was located, Adramel took his most trusted veterans, and personally lead the strike.

While the chapter master lead the assault on the heretic leader, Lord Sraosh, captain of the 1st fighting company and also an ex-Black Templar, began the assault on the heretic army. Using bikers and transports that had been brought down miles from the enemy, he quickly baited a section of the enemy army, separating them from the main body of the force. Some forty traitors were quickly dispatched by Templars, who found that while their adversary had benefited from their unholy mutations, they had lost all the speed they once possessed. This information in hand, Sraosh began to furiously deploy and redeploy the chapter's forces, eliminating small pockets of the enemy with a burning fury.

Adremel's Great Sacrifice

A

fter hours of combat, the Fire Templars finally found their chapter master. He laid shattered on the frozen tundra, defeated by his opponent's cruel magics. Yet, despite all his wounds, in his powerfist, mounted on his right, bionical hand, he clenched the head of the Sorcerer who had lead the heretics. Without this conduit, the Raven Host had lost their connection to the warp, and had become slow and unresponsive. Adramel, and the veterans that laid dead around him, had not only severed the head of the snake, but had also ripped out its spine. Within a couple of hours, all of the heretics laid dead upon the tundra, their blood spilled a thousand times to pay for the Templars' own losses.

Sraosh led the chapter in it's rebuilding efforts. Slowly, it built itself up to full fighting strength, and established its reputation as one of the Segmentum Pacificus's greatest defenders. The legend of Adramel was passed down, and at every celebration of the victory on Koria X, Appole, the first Emperor's Champion and most venerable of the chapter's dreadnoughts, re-tells the story of the chapter's origin, and the glory of its first master.

Homeworld:

"If you seek to live, you must seek to kill." - Koria IV Underhive Proverb

http://i147.photobucket.com/albums/r313/tahaal/mustafar.jpg

Freugr, Volcano Moon of Koria IV

The Ashen Trial

The last test that a neophyte must pass before they are rewarded the black carapace and assigned to a Crusader or Adram squad is called the Ashen Trial. The neophyte is dropped in the ash plains of Freugr, and make their way back to the Fortress-Monastery. The very air of Freugr is poisonous, laced with sulfur and ash. Improbable creatures have evolved on this deathworld, their bodies impervious to the heat that threatens to melt the neophyte were he stands. The young soldier must also keep a wary eye out for sudden flumes of superheated gas, and lava flows that appear from the cracks of the moon. Those that cannot make the trip die on the plains, forgotten by the battle-brothers. Those that return have sustained considerable skin and lung damage, and it is doubtful that anyone that who doesn't have the implants of the marines could survive the trip. So it is that every battle-brother of the Fire Templars carries with them the scars of Freugr, a testament to their hardiness and their determination.

F

reugr is a highly active volcanic moon, orbiting the hive world of Koria IV. The system of Koria, located in the Segmentum Pacificus, was discovered and colonized in the Dark Age of Technology. During the Great Crusade, the government that controlled the system attempted to defy the Emperor and the Marines. To bring the world into compliance, the Emperor sent Rogal Dorn and his legion to crush the opposing forces. The Imperial Fists were assisted by the underhivers of Koria IV, who swarmed out to overwhelm the guards of the government, and overpowered the ground based orbital defenses.

It was nearly five thousand years before the Koria system was considered for a chapter. The original Fire Templars deemed the populace of Koria IV to be a suitable recruiting grounds, and the volcanic moon as a base of operations and training.

Koria IV is a small world, completely covered by a single massive hive. In the Dark Age of Technology, it was one of the earlier hive worlds, and had only grown since. Deep beneath the upper hive lay a totally different world. Entire parts of the planet had been without light for millennium, and it was in these dark recesses that a fierce people thrived. The underhive gangs of Koria IV scrapped together an existence born of thievery, cunning and violence. The gangs were forced to rely on each individual member to survive. There's a lack of food, supplies, and weapons in the darkness of Koria, and the untold billions struggle constantly for their very lives. Despite the adverse conditions, the underhive's population continually grows, as criminals flee the upper hive authorities, orphans and forgotten sons of the planet wind up on the bottom, fighting with those that have been there for millenia. Immense rivalries exist between the gangs, and a culture of war is present everywhere.

To be born into one of these gangs is to be born into a vicious and unforgiving world. It is up to the parent to provide for the child, as the gangs refuse to help those that cannot give back to the gang. Many of these children are abandoned, but many more survive to become members of the gang. Life is short for underhivers and even more so for parents who must share their scraps with a child and as such; it is the norm for a child to be orphaned at a young age. So it is that all underhivers learn how to fight and survive from before they can remember, as it is the only way they can exist in the underhive.

It is from these hardy and merciless people that the Fire Templars recruit. Already built to kill, the training, conditioning and genetic implants of a Space Marine take these starved and malnourished people, and turn them into the finest troops humanity has to offer.

Combat Doctrine:

"Remember brothers, that our strength does not come from the Crusader Squad or the Adram Squad. It comes from the combined force of those squads and the power of sheer will!" - Company Lord Bodst, before the onset of the Nutrica Campain, M38

W

hen Adramel first assembled the chapter for war, they fought as an almost carbon copy of the Black Templars. However, following the disaster at Cabilis and the victory at Koria X, the chapter has altered itself to what they see as a more balanced and flexible combat doctrine.

Crusader squads continue to make up the majority of a Company. These recruits are trained to be close combat specialists, and they excel in this regard. They have become a ferocious formation, and it has been recorded countless times how their charge can shatter any foe. In order to give their neophytes a "Trial By Fire", all fresh recruits are thrust into the squads in full power armor, expected to quickly catch up, or die in the attempt. As a result, the Crusader squads often find themselves full of furious, even berserk, warriors that do not care for their lives as much as recruits in other chapters. The attrition rate for Crusader squads is unusually high for a space marine, but Koria has plenty of suitable recruits, and the hive gang mentality of the Fire Templars cares little for those that can't survive, even if it does mean a loss of valuable equipment and individuals.

At the Battle of Koria X, the Fire Templars used squads equipped with bolters to provide close support to the Crusader squads. This has become a permanent formation, and has made a reputation of being as feared as the Crusader squads. These men have been trained extensively with their bolters, but have not failed to also master the pistol and chainsword. The squads are called Adram squads, in honor of the original Chapter Master who first pressed the formation into service.

In a typical confrontation, the Fire Templars use a two punch tactic. The Adram squads will provide close-quarter fire support for the Crusader squads, often using drop pods or rhinos to close in on the enemy quickly, covering the large Crusader squads. The vehicles, veterans and other supporting forces act around these two core parts of a Fire Templars Fighting Company.

Organization:

"To master combat as the Emperor did, you must task yourself to one of it's disciplines at a time. For us, that is the path of Adramel and the path of Sigismund. Those that master both paths craft the greatest tales." - Reclusiarch Terebus

W

hen Adramel and the Black Templars chosen for the chapter first organized the Fire Templars, it was as a mirror image of a Black Templar crusade. The bulk of the chapter was made up of Initiates in Crusader squads, while the neophytes in scout armor were mentored by an initiate. Their warrior pride led them to believe that if it was good enough for the Black Templars, than it was good enough for this new chapter.

However, the events at Cabilis and Koria X forced the chapter to adopt a new organization. In preparation for the assault on Koria X, Adramel ordered the neophytes to don power armor, saying that they would be given a "trial by fire". Also, several squads were outfitted for close-range firefights. These two changes, minor and improvisational at the time, have been adapted into the chapter's organization, and has influenced it from recruit to Chapter Master.

The Fire Templars have specialized their recruits, who, when deemed ready for combat, fall into one of two formations: the Crusader squads or the Adram squads. And, keeping with the tradition started at Koria X, there are no more neophytes. Once a marine is ready for combat, they are given all of the implants, and are thrown into a squad, to be tested by the fires of combat itself.

The chapter is is made up of six Fighting Companies, and three reserve companies. The Fighting companies are almost never present on Freugr and the only time they return to their homeworld is to pick up fresh bodies, and rotate diminished squads into the reserve companies.

A fighting company is mostly made up of Crusader squads and Adram squads. While Crusader squads normally outnumber Adram squads two to one, this is constantly changing, and is influenced by the campaign, enemy, and Company Lord.

The veterans of a fighting company are chosen by the Company Lord, and are some of the fiercest warriors in the Segmentum. The veterans of the Crusader squads are blood thirsty individuals, who's survival skills are unparalleled. They are recruited into the Lone Hunters, the descendent's of the fiery marines who donned scout armor on Koria X. The Lone Hunters specialize in the removal of vital components of the enemy army, which includes everything from leaders to communication equipment to elite units to war machines. Many a battle has been turned by the arrival of a Lone Hunter squad, silent and as perfectly deadly as any marine can aspire to be.

The veterans of the Adram squads are marines who are unmatched in terms of firepower, and are often the most grizzled of all Fire Templars. After having dropped into the thick of enemy formations for decades or even centuries, these marines have perfected their ability to quickly coordinate fire. The Freugr squads, as they are designated, are the only Fire Templars given long range weapons, and are often found to be the first ones to engage the enemy, as they lay down covering fire for their battle brothers.

However, there are veterans who do not wish to continue down the path of specialization, and instead wish to learn all the aspects of war. These are the Company Lord's chosen warriors, and they are some of the most proficient warriors in the galaxy. To be a Fire Brethren is to be the epitome of humanity. Each Fire Brethren is attached to a new squad; a veteran of an Adram squad serves in a Crusader squad, and vice-versa. It is in this way that they master both aspects of Fire Templar warfare, and eventually become the most dangerous marines in the chapter. Furthermore, it is the Fire Brethren who are trusted to guard the Chapter's leadership, and only they have the honor of donning the ancient Tactical Dreadnought Armor.

Every company is led by a Company Lord, who is elected by the veterans from amongst their ranks when the previous Lord perishes. The Lord is the company's best warrior and leader, and their very presence inspire greatness in the marines of the company. A tradition of hero-worship has arisen in the Fire Templars, and the stories of the great Lords are used to drive every brother, as well as inspire the current company lords to forge their own tales. In addition, every company has it's own Reclusiarch, who is in charge of maintaining the company's spiritual well-being. Often, these chaplains are found at the front, leading crusader squads to the enemy. Also found on the front lines of every battle is the Company's Champion. These are men who are said to receive dreams from Sigismund, Dorn and the Emperor, and are then fitted with the Black armor of the Emperor's Champion. While not as well known as the champions of the Black Templars, the Company Champion is still a fierce warrior and great leader, who have turned the tides of battle by mounting impossible counter-attacks that have crushed the enemy's power.

Overseeing the Fire Templar's actions is the Chapter Master. Elected by the chapter from among the surviving Company Lords, the Master is the embodiment of everything the chapter strives for. He selects his own Fire Brethren from the companies, and these exceptional individuals become the personal bodyguard of the Master. They don gold and black armor to represent their position, and are known as the Guardians of the Brethren. The history of the chapter is filled with tales of this legendary squad overcoming great odds to change the coarse of battles and even entire campaigns.

Beliefs:

"Every good Fire Templar strives to leave a tale worthy of Appole's oration at the Great Feasts. Follow in their example. Strive, brothers; inspire our future generations with your own deeds!" - Ventis, Fire Brethren of the 3rd Fighting Company, prior to the Massacre of the Ghopian Traitors, M39

Excerpt from "A Study on Chapters of the Segmentum Pacificus, Vol. IV

...while the Fire Templars do few things that outsiders would view as conventional and accepted, their personality cults are one that should probably raise eyebrows. Individual marines are remembered for their great deeds, but to a much greater extent than that found in most other chapters. The tale of a truly great Fire Templar can whip a company into a frenzy...

F

or the Fire Templars, their beliefs have not diverged significantly from the Black Templars. They believe that it is their sacred duty to take the fight to the enemies of Humanity, and that this is what they shall do until the Emperor and Dorn return. However, the largest variations on belief involves specialization and hero-worship. The Fire Templars believed the Emperor had mastered each aspect of war one at a time, and it is this model that they should follow. The foundation for this belief is unknown, though it is widely speculated that it grew out of the chapter's warrior pride.

A tradition of hero-worship has grown in the Fire Templars, and every brother aspires to have their own tale retold for generations. The history of the Fire Templars is filled with great men, who strode above the battlefield, delivering death and smiting the enemies of the Emperor. It is believed that this arose out of the sacrifices of the chapter's early heroes, and their stories inspired later brothers to forge their own legend.

Geneseed:

"Never forget, brothers, that we were gifted with the blood of Dorn. Honor that, for if you do not, you fail not only this chapter, but the legacy of that great primarch." - Unkown

T

he Fire Templars are a successor chapter to the Black Templars. As such, they carry the geneseed of Rogal Dorn. This geneseed has a long record of purity, second only to the Ultramarines. The Fire Templars are proud of their geneseed almost to a fault, and have never appeared to suffer any mutations to it.

Battle Cry:

In the name of the Emperor, the Fire Templars come!" - Common Battlecrey

T

he chapter does not have a single battlecry, but is often heard shouting praises to the Emperor, Dorn, and Adramel.

[Octavulg]

[You identify the item. It is a +3 vorpal flaming Octavulg of giantslaying!]

 

”I thank the Emperor for my soul. I thank Dorn for my strength. I thank Sigismund for my heart. And I thank our foe for providing me with a worthwhile way to die. Like wildfire, brothers. Leave nothing alive.” - the last words of Chapter Master Adramel

 

I'd recommend worthy over worthwhile.

 

Though heavily divergent from the Codex Astartes, the Fire Templars have become one of the Segmentum Pacificus's exemplary chapters. Known for their passion, courage, and unrelenting will to lose, the chapter has defended the Imperium at great costs. For whatever controversy surrounds them, they always strive to protect the realm of Man, and honor the Emperor. In these dark days, it is chapters like the Fire Templars that continue to inspire the imperial citizen and soldier.

 

Their...unrelenting will to lose?

 

In the wake of the Age of Apostasy, the Imperium was reeling, and a new founding of Space Marines was declared. In recognition of their part in the Second Siege of Terra, the Black Templars were asked to provide a cadre of veterans and specialists to found a new chapter. Castellan Adramel volunteered for this duty, and became the chapter's first master. With it's incessant underhive gang wars providing the chapter a suitable recruitment base, the fourth planet of the Koria system was picked, and it's volcanic moon, Freugr, chosen to house the chapter's fortress-monastery.

 

Why would the High Lords ever ask the Black Templars to provide a training cadre?

 

The Black Templars are headstrong, don't adhere to the Codex, are raging zealots, and massively oversize. Having them lead a training cadre means that you'll end up with another Chapter with all the same problems. There is little or no reason for the High Lords to ask the Black Templars any such thing.

 

Shocked, but undaunted, Adremal ordered all remaining Fire Templars, in space and on the ground, to regroup in one location. The quick response may have saved the battle, but it was the actions of Appole, the chapter's first Emperor's Champion, that caused the orks to break. At the height of the battle, the Champion had led a charge into the orks, and single-handedly defeated the Warlord Threskul. Shocked that their leader had fallen, the orks began to fall back. By the end of the day, the battle was over.

 

This...really isn't much of a tactical masterstroke. Nor does it make much sense that that would somehow be successful (the regrouping, not the charging).

 

Adramel immediately mobilized the chapter. Knowing that he was outnumbered and wouldn't have the time to gather proper information on the foe, the wise commander put together his battleplan. He ordered all neophytes to be outfitted in power armor, so that they would be given a test by fire; the chapter's youngest only had to prove themselves once, when their chapter needed them most. The Fire Templars would have to rely on overwhelming force at critical locations to defeat their foe.

 

Er...IIRC, Black Templar neophytes aren't physically capable of wearing power armor yet (or, at least, not capable of using it very effectively due to lacking the Black Carapace).

 

Understanding that the only way to defeat the heretics was to eliminate their most key components first, Adramel ordered that the most skilled infiltrators in the chapter be assembled. The plan was simple: find and kill the leaders, and destroy their machines of war. Then, use superior mobility to divide the enemy, and finish each part off by overwhelming them. All of this had to be accomplished in short order, lest the traitors be able to organize a counter-attack that could overwhelm the chapter.

 

A Black Templar ordered his men to sneak into the enemy camp to kill their leaders in a precision strike? Really?

 

Sraosh led the chapter in it's rebuilding efforts. Slowly, it built itself up to full fighting strength, and established its reputation as one of the Segmentum Pacificus's greatest defenders. The legend of Adramel was passed down, and at every celebration of the victory on Koria X, Appole, the first Emperor's Champion and most venerable of the chapter's dreadnoughts, re-tells the story of the chapter's origin, and the glory of its first master.

 

This has taken several thousand words, and provided little or nothing of interest - simply battle after battle. They're not bad battles (I admit, I like the volcano a little). But there's nothing here to really separate them from a hundred other Chapters who build up, and fight someone, and encounter a tough enemy, but build up again...

 

What's the point?

 

"Remember brothers, that our strength does not come from the Crusader Squad or the Adram Squad. It comes from the combined force of those squads and the power of sheer will!" - Company Lord Bodst, before the onset of the Nutrica Campain, M38

 

That's...not very inspirational. It sounds...forced.

 

When Adramel first assembled the chapter for war, they fought as an almost carbon copy of the Black Templars. However, following the disaster at Cabilis and the victory at Koria X, the chapter has altered itself to what they see as a more balanced and flexible combat doctrine.

 

Why? The Black Templars are so conservative they've dedicated the efforts of several Techmarines to working out ways to return to the primordial ooze (these efforts have been hampered by the need to use fire in the process - fire awaits the approval of High Marshal Hellbrecht as a viable tool for non-heretic-burning pursuits). Why would Adramel change his methods in the first place - the only reason he had any problems at all was because a mountain blew up under him?!

 

Crusader squads continue to make up the majority of a Company. These recruits are trained to be close combat specialists, and they excel in this regard. They have become a ferocious formation, and it has been recorded countless times how their charge can shatter any foe. In order to give their neophytes a "Trial By Fire", all fresh recruits are thrust into the squads in full power armor, expected to quickly catch up, or die in the attempt. As a result, the Crusader squads often find themselves full of furious, even berserk, warriors that do not care for their lives as much as recruits in other chapters. The attrition rate for Crusader squads is unusually high for a space marine, but Koria has plenty of suitable recruits, and the hive gang mentality of the Fire Templars cares little for those that can't survive, even if it does mean a loss of valuable equipment and individuals.

 

Power armor is arcane, complicated, and expensive. It's also a valuable relic. The behavior you describe is completely inconsistent with all of those.

 

However, the events at Cabilis and Koria X forced the chapter to adopt a new organization. In preparation for the assault on Koria X, Adramel ordered the neophytes to don power armor, saying that they would be given a "trial by fire". Also, several squads were outfitted for close-range firefights. These two changes, minor and improvisational at the time, have been adapted into the chapter's organization, and has influenced it from recruit to Chapter Master.

 

Why did it force them to adopt a new organization, anyway? What was wrong with the old methods?

 

The veterans of a fighting company are chosen by the Company Lord, and are some of the fiercest warriors in the Segmentum. The veterans of the Crusader squads are blood thirsty individuals, who's survival skills are unparalleled. They are recruited into the Lone Hunters, the descendent's of the fiery marines who donned scout armor on Koria X. The Lone Hunters specialize in the removal of vital components of the enemy army, which includes everything from leaders to communication equipment to elite units to war machines. Many a battle has been turned by the arrival of a Lone Hunter squad, silent and as perfectly deadly as any marine can aspire to be.

 

OK...you appear to be laboring under the misapprehension that people read IAs to hear about exciting and new organizational methods.

 

They don't.

 

Beliefs:

For the Fire Templars, their beliefs have not diverged significantly from the Black Templars. They believe that it is their sacred duty to take the fight to the enemies of Humanity, and that this is what they shall do until the Emperor and Dorn return. However, the largest variations on belief involves specialization and hero-worship. The Fire Templars believed the Emperor had mastered each aspect of war one at a time, and it is this model that they should follow. The foundation for this belief is unknown, though it is widely speculated that it grew out of the chapter's warrior pride.

 

A tradition of hero-worship has grown in the Fire Templars, and every brother aspires to have their own tale retold for generations. The history of the Fire Templars is filled with great men, who strode above the battlefield, delivering death and smiting the enemies of the Emperor. It is believed that this arose out of the sacrifices of the chapter's early heroes, and their stories inspired later brothers to forge their own legend.

 

You have ten paragraphs on organization and two on beliefs. You do realize that beliefs is one of the key sections in developing a Chapter's unique character, right?

 

How did this tradition arise? Why? What sorts of things do the already-heroic Space Marines see as heroic enough to be worthy of eternal memory? How are these tales told? Who tells them? When? To whom? And that's the questions I can come up with from what is here.

 

You need more exploration of the Chapter's character, and less of how they count their bullets and organize their squads.

 

* * *

 

This needs work. The writing's not too bad, but you falter seriously in developing a unique and interesting character for the Chapter. Who are they? We still don't know. And you need to tell us.

 

I like the color scheme. :unsure: