Fathers of Orin

[Nickles 138 SUP]

Intro and Chapter's fluff

 

OK. So I have an idea for a chapter. They are called “The Fathers of Orin,” and they gained their gene-seed from the Raven Guard. They originally were part of the Caldierian 22nd Regiment, but gained favor with the discovery and defense of Kazzeda Hold. The chapter was one of 3 that was given the honors and privilege to become successor of the Raven Guard.

 

The planet Exaviare was given level 2 exterminatus. The Fathers of Orin were given orders to drop and scout the planet, before the main force arrived. They lost half of their chapter in the war but gained something worth the wile. Within an abandoned bastion was a secret forge that was still operational. The forge produced Terminator armor. There was enough in the forges warehouses to arm an entire legions worth of space marines.

 

The Fathers of Orin seeing this as a blessing from the God Emperor himself, transported all of the terminator armor and other material onto Their Battle Barge Hammer of the Emperor, and left the system before destroyed with thermonuclear warheads. Many other chapters were jealous of this find, and asked the Adaptus Administratum to demand the Fathers of Orin share their findings. The Fathers of Orin were dis pleased by this, and told the Adaptus Administratum that they could take what the Emperor so rightfully had given them. When they were dead, and from that day forward they became a crusade chapter.

 

That was their history, now they are one of the most famous chapters of the Segmentum Pacificus. They have 7 companies that bear terminator armor, and 3 that are scout companies. They have a total of 73 Inquisitors, 6 Storm trooper regiments, 4 armored regiments, and 1,300 ships in their fleet. Led by the famous Orin himself, the chapter has successfully redeemed planet after planet.

 

They keep many of their old Imperial regiment traditions, such as shooting Phykers on sight. They believe there is little or nothing to gain with the use of one, but the cost can be the destruction of entire star systems. Also they disapprove the use of plasma technology. Far to many great brothers have died due to the back fire of such weapons.

 

The approve of the old practices of genetic cloning. Due to a new practice of cloning called Gradualism, they have increased recruitment and gene-planting by 127% It also helps morph their neophytes into the shape and size to fit in the terminator armor. None of their recruits have any powers influenced by the Warp, but there are few that are a new breed of human that are called, “virals of the Warp.” They are a deadly poison to all things of the Warp and Warp related.

 

Now I really need positive comments and assistance more than any thing, but if you find a flaw in that just tell me. Right now I am working on HQ and Troop Choice. Please, feel free to say what you feel is necessary. :lol:

[tehkonraf]

I assume this some sort of troll thread, if not, a few quick points:

 

Chapters only have marines and serfs, not stormtroopers or inquisitors or....

I can't do this, if your honestly serious I suggest you read the guide to DIY-ing at the top of the forum.

[Slick Jimmy]

Yeah. There is a LOT of things that simply don't fit together. as Tehk said, Inquisitors are independent of any chapter, and most of the time from each other, each heading his/her own task force in the way they see fit, requesting/ordering aid from space marine chapters.

 

OK. So I have an idea for a chapter. They are called “The Fathers of Orin,” and they gained their gene-seed from the Raven Guard. They originally were part of the Caldierian 22nd Regiment, but gained favor with the discovery and defense of Kazzeda Hold. The chapter was one of 3 that was given the honors and privilege to become successor of the Raven Guard.

 

I will assume that you do not mean one of the three original successors, as those have already been named, and your chapter is not one of them. (See Codex Space Marines page 8, Black Guard, Revilers, Raptors.)

 

So we assume that it is another founding, Imperial Guard Regiments are not turned into space marines, for many reasons, primarily that a space marine recruit is taken at a young age, usually to young to have been a soldier. Although it may be possible to get young men in their late teens or early twenties to successfully become marines depending on where you source your info on the subject. The other reason being that Guard Regiments are just that, Imperial guard, you simply don't just take a guard regiment and whip em into space marines in nothing flat, you have to have the gene stock, fresh recruits, and a founding declared by the High Lords. Now, I won't say it's impossible for a fresh platoon of young men to be turned into Marines, but extremely unlikely based on the established fluff.

 

The planet Exaviare was given level 2 exterminatus. The Fathers of Orin were given orders to drop and scout the planet, before the main force arrived. They lost half of their chapter in the war but gained something worth the wile. Within an abandoned bastion was a secret forge that was still operational. The forge produced Terminator armor. There was enough in the forges warehouses to arm an entire legions worth of space marines.

 

If the Forge is operational why doesn't the Ad Mech take it over and make Terminator Armor for other chapters? That is a HUGE find, a facility with the ability to Create fresh suits of Terminator Armor would be extremely useful to the Imperium and there is no reason an Astartes Chapter would not want to share that sort of Tech, or why they would need 10,000 suits of Terminator Armor when their chapter numbers 1,000 men.

 

The Fathers of Orin seeing this as a blessing from the God Emperor himself, transported all of the terminator armor and other material onto Their Battle Barge Hammer of the Emperor, and left the system before destroyed with thermonuclear warheads. Many other chapters were jealous of this find, and asked the Adaptus Administratum to demand the Fathers of Orin share their findings. The Fathers of Orin were dis pleased by this, and told the Adaptus Administratum that they could take what the Emperor so rightfully had given them. When they were dead, and from that day forward they became a crusade chapter.

 

Most Space Marine Chapters are not so petty as to demand that another chapter give them Armor or weapons or anything for that matter, this whole post reeks of petty and childlike behavior by multiple space marine chapters that does not become them . Also. Speaking to the Adeptus Administration like that after being ordered to do something would lead to an Inquisitorial investigation, and very possibly Excommunication and destruction.

 

That was their history, now they are one of the most famous chapters of the Segmentum Pacificus. They have 7 companies that bear terminator armor, and 3 that are scout companies. They have a total of 73 Inquisitors, 6 Storm trooper regiments, 4 armored regiments, and 1,300 ships in their fleet. Led by the famous Orin himself, the chapter has successfully redeemed planet after planet.

 

I could live with them having 1000 suits of Terminator Armor if it were explained well, But 73 Inquisitors? 1,300 ships? How did your chapter become the single most powerful force in the Galaxy? I guess if by 1,300 ships you included Thunderhawks and fighter craft it might be acceptable... But 73 inquisitors is just not going to happen, If one inquisitor were to accompany the chapter for any length of time it would be a rarity, 73 is just silly.

 

They keep many of their old Imperial regiment traditions, such as shooting Phykers on sight. They believe there is little or nothing to gain with the use of one, but the cost can be the destruction of entire star systems. Also they disapprove the use of plasma technology. Far to many great brothers have died due to the back fire of such weapons.

 

Fair Enough, as long as we are talking about unsanctioned psykers, especially since 73 inquisitors are sure to have some psyers amongst their numbers, not to mention if you shoot another chapters librarian on sight it's not gonna end well. As for not digging plasma guns, no arguments there, plasma weapons are a bit tricky.

 

The approve of the old practices of genetic cloning. Due to a new practice of cloning called Gradualism, they have increased recruitment and gene-planting by 127% It also helps morph their neophytes into the shape and size to fit in the terminator armor. None of their recruits have any powers influenced by the Warp, but there are few that are a new breed of human that are called, “virals of the Warp.” They are a deadly poison to all things of the Warp and Warp related.

 

I think Most Space marines would have little problem fitting into armor that is specifically built to suit them.

"Virals of the warp"? So... Pariahs? That's kind of already a thing.

 

Really though, read the DIY thread up top, You have an idea for a chapter that could be great fun to play and make fluff for, but it's a little left field right now. I assume Game wise you would use Deathwing rules?

 

Clean it up a bit, make it a little more cohesive with fluff and you will be well on your way.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

Sorry, my bad. I should have explained that the Imperial Regements and Inquisitors are mearly just military atachments.

 

The Imperial Guard Regements are nothing but reserves, and are used to thin out the herd for new neophyte for the chapter.

 

The Inquisitors are only there to wach the Chapter to see if they make a mistake. If they do, then the Inquisitors have full right, from the Adeptus Administratum to, "Liberate the chapters cophers and armories of all holy Teminatus Armora, if they shade away from the Emperor's light in any way."

 

They do have neophytes, but they are not allowed in combat zones since they are Gradually being given genetically cloned and altered geen-seeds. The closest these neophytes get to combat are simulations, and a fleet navigation skreen.

 

Scouts and Dreadnaughts take the place of all servators on the field. Since all marines in the chapter are given great deals of time and information on the prosses of their armor and other machiens, they all have a desent understanding when a nut or bolt is missing from the carberaitor enguin. And yes they have many Chaplains and Techpriests.

 

I also will try to explain things tomorrow but for now I have choirs. Sigh!

[ChaplainMathreyn]

They do have neophytes, but they are not allowed in combat zones since they are Gradually being given genetically cloned and altered geen-seeds. The closest these neophytes get to combat are simulations, and a fleet navigation skreen.

 

The entire Purpose of Scouts/Neophytes/Newbies in a Chapter is to Entirely be placed into some of the most dangerous, unpredictable and terrifying combat situations imagineable by their trainers... If you do Not survive, you either die viciously, or survive and thrive to become an actual Brother-Marine... It's harsh, but it's the Space Marines.

 

The Imperial Guard Regements are nothing but reserves, and are used to thin out the herd for new neophyte for the chapter.

 

You'd ave to be about 10-13, or thereabouts, to start the genetic modification... The Imperial Guards regiments would be recruiting 5 year oolds in that case...

 

Scouts and Dreadnaughts take the place of all servators on the field.

 

Entirely different things:

 

Scouts are Marines-in-Training. Dreadnaughts are ancient suits of armor with some of the greatest heroes a Chapter has ever had entombed in them. Servitors are half-men, half-robots, idiots who understand one, sometimes two, commands, and are basically used in not very important situations... Like, washing the bathrooms, etc.

 

They have 7 companies that bear terminator armor

 

At MOST, a Chapter is going to have 50, 60 up to 100+... 700 suits fo Tactical Dreadnaught Armor is not only going to be impossible, but also quite improbable.

 

6 Storm trooper regiments, 4 armored regiments, and 1,300 ships in their fleet. Led by the famous Orin himself, the chapter has successfully redeemed planet after planet.

 

Marneus Calgar and the Ultramarines not-withstanding, Chapters do not command vast fleets or armies... They move like scalpels, arriving, cutting out the enemy or danger, and moving on... A huge taskforce slows you down (The Imperial Guard are a bludgeon compared to the knife of the Astartes...)

 

Having Marines who knew their armor, or to craft expert weaponry isn't improbable (The Salamnder's craftsmanship, and the Iron Hands I'd imagine know more than a fair share of tech), but you're providing yourself a Huge amounts of liberties that, In the actual Imperium, would never exist...

 

And the reason that Ultramar, and the system is the way it is, and why it seems to be "ruled" by the Ultramarines can probably be summarized in the fact that: They are a First Founding Legion with centuries of heroic sacrifice and millions of the Emperor's enemies dead in the ground because of it, too. Essentially, they have the Right to occupy that space of the Imperium because of everything that they are, have been, and will be, no doubt, in the future.

[Tutteman]

In Bold is me

 

Sorry, my bad. I should have explained that the Imperial Regements and Inquisitors are mearly just military atachments.

 

The Imperial Guard Regements are nothing but reserves, and are used to thin out the herd for new neophyte for the chapter.

 

The Imperial Guard, Navy, Marines and basically all arms of the Imperial Military were deliberately seperated after the Horus Heresy. So they might be around, but they would be at least offically seperate from the chapter. Otherwise this would be grounds for crushing by the Inquistion.

 

The Inquisitors are only there to wach the Chapter to see if they make a mistake. If they do, then the Inquisitors have full right, from the Adeptus Administratum to, "Liberate the chapters cophers and armories of all holy Teminatus Armora, if they shade away from the Emperor's light in any way."

 

Inquistitors would have that right anyway, they have the authority to declare a chapter heretics and call the full might of the Imperium down on them. They've done it before, they are paranoid, nosy and generally not nice people. Why would they be invited along for the ride? Marines are a proud bunch and have been known to fire on Inquistorial fleets just because they came to have a look around and the marines felt insulted. And why would 73 Inquistitors happily subject themselves to marines? They have total authority. What they say, goes. They would be in charge

 

They do have neophytes, but they are not allowed in combat zones since they are Gradually being given genetically cloned and altered geen-seeds. The closest these neophytes get to combat are simulations, and a fleet navigation skreen.

 

See above post, scouts are taught the hard way, baptism by fire.

 

Scouts and Dreadnaughts take the place of all servators on the field. Since all marines in the chapter are given great deals of time and information on the prosses of their armor and other machiens, they all have a desent understanding when a nut or bolt is missing from the carberaitor enguin. And yes they have many Chaplains and Techpriests.

 

I also will try to explain things tomorrow but for now I have choirs. Sigh!

 

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and merely say it seems you've fallen into the trap of HOW AWESOME ARE THESE GUYS. Fair enough, easy to do, I did it once when I was new to the hobby. All Space Marines are fanatastic, kill you with the pin of the genade and then eat the said genade without any trouble soliders. What makes them intersting is stuff like their beliefs, their structure and flaws. Not how brilliant they are.

 

Also maintain our suspension of disbelief, the trouble is I read this, and see this bit about tens of thousands of terminators suits and go...what? From there on, I take everything with a grain of salt. It's like watching Doctor Who save the world for the 54363456th time using no more than a tie. And then you realise how silly the whole premise is.

[Slick Jimmy]

I kinda like Doctor Who...

[Tutteman]

I kinda like Doctor Who...

 

So do I mostly. I just disliked the last few of David Tennants ones. They seemed so silly after he lassoed the earth...that broke my suspension of disbelief...and then the last one, Time Lords coming back for five minutes...what?! Yeah anyway. Lets get back on topic here.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

UGHHHHH!!! Then tell me WHAT I must do to fix it, enstead of critisizing it.

 

This chapter is a crusade chapter. They do not follow the codex, they do not listen to high comand well, and they do not like rules.

With the Genetic cloning and the practis of Gradualism, they can recruit any one.

 

What I men by replaceing sevator is dreadnaughts protect and help techmarines and scouts are the chapters eyes, ears, and drivers.

 

I should say that they found only a cupple thousand suit, because my plan was to use them as a TERMINATOR CHAPTER!!!

 

Do you remember what happend to The Lion of the Dark Angles. He made many Space Marines out of his old counsol. Even though they lacked the full Geen-Seed, they were still technically Space Marines.

 

 

I am sorry to say I have never seen Dr. Who.

[ChaplainMathreyn]

UGHHHHH!!! Then tell me WHAT I must do to fix it, enstead of critisizing it.

 

That's Your job. You choose the outfit; We're here to make sure it fits right. That is all.

 

This chapter is a crusade chapter.

 

So are a bunch of other Chapters... Why does yours need a massive fleet and huge army to trundle along with it, though?

 

They do not follow the codex, they do not listen to high comand well, and they do not like rules.

 

Ok. Why do they not follow the Codex. Why do they not follow commands (By the way, Space Marine Chapters, are pretty much Autonomous; People suggest that they help, and only the ballsiest or insane Demand they help.) So, why do they not like rules? Just Saying they do, don't, can or can't isn't very interesting; It's the Whys that substantiate your claims.

 

With the Genetic cloning and the practis of Gradualism, they can recruit any one.

 

Unfortunately, that isn't the case... Marines, except for a very few, and even then, some pretty hardy older age folks, can undergo the intense surgery and genetic modification that it takes to Create a Space Marine... Most, ala 99% I'd say, Guardsmen, Aren't going to survive... You'd have to be pulling in, young, fit, and healthy recruits in order to have them undergo the implantation process, and even Then, the odds of survivng... Prolly not good. Then youhave training as a Scout, which weeds out even More...

 

I should say that they found only a cupple thousand suit, because my plan was to use them as a TERMINATOR CHAPTER!!!

 

First of all, Tactical Dreadnaught Armor, aka Terminator Armor, is Atrociously rare... Ala, even the First Legions, like the Ultramarines, Dark Angels etc. only field up to a couple Hundred (And That'd probably be pushing it). Newer Chapters, are probably tossed a couple of suits by the Mechanicus to help get them started, and probably gifted some by their parent Chapter, but the more Recent Chapters, have even Less suits than the older Chapters.

[Tutteman]

This is quality control, not the factory line. But we'd love to help. (Don't worry about never seeing Doctor Who, was me being SLIGHTLY off topic) We will ask questions, we may sound harsh but don't worry. We're trying to help.

 

One big question on Gradualism is that if this technique works so well, and they are loyal, we have they not attempted to hand it over to their brothers? The trouble is that the aspirants have to be young, this is because if they aren't young their bodies are developed and the process of turning them into Space Marines will kill them. Firstly the implants change the body MASSIVELY, the rib cage becomes a rib wall, blood changes loads etc etc etc. In short, a fully developed male won't survive, his immune system will reject the foreign organs and implants and the massive changes would cripple him.

 

I like the idea of at least some scouts being used as drivers. Makes more sense then having guys in massive clunky Power Armour in those cramped tanks. And now you've explained the Dreadnoughts taking up the role as Techmarines bodyguards I can see possible pairing? As in One Dread protects one techmarine? But you'll need to explain it, maybe they distrust servitors more than most?

 

On the codex note, fine, most chapters on here don't. Simply because it's a bit boring to have ANOTHER Codex adherent chapter. But like been said, why? I know we say why a lot, but it's what makes things interesting. Why people do things is more interesting then what they're doing a lot of the time.

 

Terminator Armour is very rare as mentioned above. Each suit is hand crafted and if there was a factory for making them, the Imperium would fight for it rather than destroying it. And if they didn't their tech adepts on the executing ships would practically revolt and refuse to allow their ships to fire on the planet. That kind of a prize would be worth almost any price and the Adeptus Mechanicum would happily pay it even if the Imperium wouldn't. To put it in context, in the Horus Heresy the heretical Mechanicum were turned mostly by the promise of a Standard template Contrust machine, this factory would be such a device. So almost a half of the Mechanicum betrayed the Emperor and plunged into a war that ripped apart their home world, all over one such device.

 

I'm not sure if you've read the Guide to DIYing? but many of the things we're saying can be learnt from there. It's good reading ;)

[RagingGriffon]

Constructive criticism makes you stronger. You have some themes that will work. There is no shame in starting over. You will see some DIY articles on v4.0, I think you just need step back, try to separate your emotion from your Chapter, and pick the workable themes and start again. Don't quit,though. I had my first submission rejected. So, after letting my ego repair, I started again.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

OK. I thank the people that did not just pull quotes out and criticized them. They helped.

 

First, I'll start with their background. This Space Marine Chapter was once part of a Regiment. The Caldeirian 22nd Regiment. Now what made them so noticeable, was the Battle for Brair. Briar was a simple ago planet before the discovery. Hidden underneath the entire planet were vast networks of foundries, bastions, and temples. One of the greatest of these ruins was Kazzeda Hold. It was an artificial island that was constructed to protect a foundry that built titans, tanks, and most importantly MK 1 pattern Space Marine armor. Knowing the importance of this find the Regiment fought untold horrors of the Warp for 300 years. When the Warp storm that had enveloped them receded, they were in 138997.M41 in the southern reaches of the Imperium. Now they had two foes. Tyranids and the Inquisition.

 

As a desperate attempt to stall the hive fleet Leviathan, the Inquisition had ordered the exterminatus of multiple worlds, including Brair. Assisting the local Inquisitor and his fleet, that attacked Brair were parts of the 2nd and 4th companies of the Raven Guard. With war raging across Brair between Imperial forces and Brair, the Tyranids arrived. With all Raven Guard forces stuck on the ground and the Inquisitor fleet retreating, The Space Marines had no choice but to Side with the Caldeirialn 22nd Regiment.

 

The battle between man and beat was hard, but in the end man won. When the Inquisition returned with a greater fleet, they were astounded by the survival of the planet and its people. Realizing the strength and strategic importance of the planet, the Inquisition denounced exterminatus on multiple conditions.

 

#1 If any being with phykick potential from Brair was discovered, they must be shot on sight.

 

#2 The recruitment tithe shall be 15% of all born children of Brair.

 

#3 The Tech priests of Mars must now be in charge of all foundry installations, and all resources shall be shared with local Imperial forces.

 

#4 All Imperial forces created on Brair, must be led or watched by an Inquisitor.

 

#5 Brair is now under the wing of the Raven Guard

 

After that, one thing led to another and 3 new chapters were made, Guardians, Imperial Swifts (Excommunicated Traitors), and of course The Fathers of Orin. All three chapters went their separate ways, following different codes and practices. Now the Fathers of Orin became a Crusader Chapter that had no planet, no fortress, no home. They spent the next 2 years following a inquisitorial fleet that continued to destroy planets, hoping that it would delay the Tyranids down. That is when they discovered the foundry of Exaviare. That is when they found the Tactical Dreadnaught Suits, and that is when the chapter started using gradualism.

 

Gradualism is a form of genetic cloning. Now you should all know that cloning organs was forbidden by the Emperor and Primarch Corax. This did not please many as you might thought. It took 700 men of any age to make one neophyte. Now because of genetic mutation by cloning most are shorter than normal Space Marines, and any one under the age of 30 can become a neophyte. Interesting enough other chapters that have few men tried this practice only to find that all being with phyke die with burns from the inside.

The Fathers of Odin do not like the Codex of the Ultramarines, because of many things. First and foremost, the Ultramarines used their ancient regiment as targets so, their chapter could gain glory. Second, they believe that strategy cannot be written. With warfare changing constantly, they wonder how something written 10k years ago can be right about anything in warfare of the present. Third, The Fathers of Orin follow the books they were once given as Imperial Guard, such as the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer. Fourth, they heed the words of Orin and Orin alone.

 

There are many things that the Fathers of Orin dislike, such as chapter practices and servitors. Servitors are considered as weak and imperfect. Their decaying flesh and bulky metal parts are considered a punishment worse than death. Instead the chapter trains all neophyte in the basics of engineering.

 

Oh, and one more thing. The factory the produced the Tactical Dreadnaught armor was not destroyed. It was removed from the planets surface and built into the Chapters flag ship Hammer of the Emperor. They do not share this prize with any one, because they believe that the armor and the factory were placed there by the Emperor. The Fathers of Orin believe giving away a gift from the God Emperor will cause the wrath of the Emperor to fall upon them. So their choices were to die or become nomadic.

 

(I forgot to add this) Yes when I said 1,300 ships I meant fighters and bombers as well.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

oops my bad

[Tutteman]

I know you're probably going, oh no, not that Tutteman guy again ;) but here we go.

 

A good tough population that would be good Guard recruits is a reason for delaying extermination order. It is mentioned as such once in C:SM :) I admit, point five of the conditions made me laugh. Just the irony of under the wing of the Raven Guard. Most of the conditions are good. I like the tithe of recruits, one quibble on the psyker shooting, some psykers are required to maintain communications etc, navigators and astropaths. I assume they are allowed to survive. Only quibble there. Good work.

 

I would point out that the Codex is a living document, updated as new ideas etc come out. However, I can imagine in the Imperium some misunderstandings could come out and be taken as truth, it happens enough in the real world. One question, if they believe that strategy cannot be written, why do they follow guardsmen manuals? As a pose to the manual written collectively by the some of the Emperor's own sons?

 

Still my biggest problem is the Gradulaism bit, however I can see that it is important to you in the whole big idea. Do you want it as a plot device to allow the regiment of guardsmen to become marines? Or is it in itself important?

 

If you haven't noticed, I'm watching this one ;) Good work on the revision :P

[ChaplainMathreyn]

I thank the people that did not just pull quotes out and criticized them. They helped.

 

Whelp, good luck with this. I'm ou then.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

Gradualism was supposed to be its own thing, Imperial Storm Troopers just seemed like good canidates for the practise. Since Storm Troopers and Commisars are taken in as orphans and are trained for war from birth, they seem prime canidates for neophytes.

 

Yes, I mean ALL beings with phyke. That brings me to what I wanted to replace them, Virals. Virerals are a disease of the Warp. since all beings with a trait are killed because of their genetics, people evolve into something else. These Virals have no Phykick talent, but can have simmiler abilities as phykes. First of all they can sence the Warp, but the Warp cannot sence them. Second they can release hell apon their foes, but without touching the powers of the hellish Warp. They can direct ships through the Warp without the possiblility of being attacked by the warp. The only set back with that is you need 3 beakons. One at you target, one from where you left, and one on your ship. Even then you need many Virals to navigate.

 

That is why Inquisitors comand Brair fleets. Most Inquisitors have their own Phykick force, and many of them have Astropaths and Mysks.

 

I did not know that about the Codex, any way I better change it that the Fathers of Orin do not follow any books about military and strategy (but reading them wouldn't be so bad an idea), but they do follow the books from the Adeptus Ministrorum. "Faith and Duty!"

 

Anything else I should fix? Any one? :D

[Ace Debonair]

OK. I thank the people that did not just pull quotes out and criticized them. They helped.

Every comment made on this IA has been made with intent to help. However, the method employed by most people is to highlight the flaws in the IA, allowing you to adjust accordingly and as you see fit.

 

And if you look at some other IA's, you'll see this approach is not limited to your IA. :D

 

I should say that they found only a cupple thousand suit, because my plan was to use them as a TERMINATOR CHAPTER!!!

Only a couple of thousand? So you only found enough terminator suits to outfit your chapter more than twice over? :D

 

After that, one thing led to another and 3 new chapters were made, Guardians, Imperial Swifts (Excommunicated Traitors), and of course The Fathers of Orin.

That would be one of the foundings, then. You should probably pick one - there's 26 to choose from. ^_^

And you should probably just drop the other two chapters. There's no way any founding would only produce three chapters, so mentioning them in this one throwaway line is a bit odd.

 

Gradualism is a form of genetic cloning. Now you should all know that cloning organs was forbidden by the Emperor and Primarch Corax. This did not please many as you might thought. It took 700 men of any age to make one neophyte. Now because of genetic mutation by cloning most are shorter than normal Space Marines, and any one under the age of 30 can become a neophyte. Interesting enough other chapters that have few men tried this practice only to find that all being with phyke die with burns from the inside.

 

Er... This isn't going to be an easy road to go down. If an inquisitor catches so much as a whiff of this forbidden cloning, your chapter will be up a very unpleasant river in the middle of a paddle shortage.

 

And no other loyal chapter would ever try this, because as you yourself have pointed out, it's forbidden.

 

Hmm.

If you've not read the DIY guide yet, you should.

Then you should search for the Octaguide, because that's also a good, informative read.

 

Excuse me if anything I've written is devoid of sense, it's midnight and I was planning on going to sleep two hours ago. ;)

 

EDIT:

Yes, I mean ALL beings with phyke. That brings me to what I wanted to replace them, Virals. Virerals are a disease of the Warp. since all beings with a trait are killed because of their genetics, people evolve into something else. These Virals have no Phykick talent, but can have simmiler abilities as phykes. First of all they can sence the Warp, but the Warp cannot sence them. Second they can release hell apon their foes, but without touching the powers of the hellish Warp. They can direct ships through the Warp without the possiblility of being attacked by the warp. The only set back with that is you need 3 beakons. One at you target, one from where you left, and one on your ship. Even then you need many Virals to navigate.

 

What the devil is 'phyke'? :P Do you mean 'psychic'?

So you want to replace psykers with better psykers in your chapter, as well as being able to recruit 30-year olds and have a couple of thousand suits of terminator armour?

Not a good idea, in my estimation.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

There are only 34 virals known to the Imperium, and all but five are with the Imperial Swifts (Excommunicated Traitors). The only Viral in the Fathers of Orin Chater is Orins seccond in comand Ragnorock (Rag-nor-rock). Other than that, no Phykers (and yes Phyke is a phykers power).

 

They are from the 25th founding and the Fathers of Orin was one of three from Brair.

 

Gradualism is forbidden, but so is keeping all that terminator armor. :P

 

The only pureity of the three chapters I named off (Guardians, Imperial Swifts, The Fathers of Orin) is their faith in the God Emperor. They all hide there secrets and their sideways ideals differently. The Fathers of Orin just go on crusaids to prevent anything their hiding to be stationary.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

I just thought of something. My Chapter needs poletical allies and Enamies.

 

Due to the crualty and high tithes that the Adeptus Administratum demand from the Fathers of Orin, the chapter does anything in its power to lessen the voise of the Adeptus Administradum withing their fleet. This prevents much of the Imperium's Jurisdiction from effecting them.

 

Also with less law from the Administratum, the chapter trades under the table with the Inquisition, Adeptus Mechanicus, and Adeptus Ministorum. Traiding armor and assiting discovery teams to the Techpriests of Mars for weapons, ammo, tanks, and starships. Assisting the Inquisition in combat and exterminautus keeps them awwed and silent. Most importantly faith.

 

The Fathers of Orin worship the God Emperor in any way. they are one of the only chapters that halted an assault, becuase a ministorum priest said it is time for prayer. One of the most common things for this chapter when they arrive at a plannet is produce a shrine to their beloved Emperor. This has given them much favor withing the ranks of the Adeptus Ministorum, and it would be verry hard to sway them that anyone within this chapter is a heratic.

 

Another set back for this chapter. They will not fight against the trator chapter Imperial Swifts. through anchient bonds, neither side will fight one another. Actually there is only one time and place they would, but that is for another time.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

Another Important thing, Faith. :RTBBB:

 

I mentioned just earlear that they had a tremendous faith in the Emperor, and that they construct many temples and shrines for him. The question now, is how do they worship their Emperor? Well since there are many way to worship it took me, ughhh... 30 seconds. Each space Marine worships his own way. All are scrutinized by the Ministorum and inquisition of corse, so all do not inclued blood or vilence.

 

So the biggest problem you can see is how do you set times and places for worship. Who desides that, "3:00 PM is a bad time because of indigestion will probably hit you at this hour,"? Orin. Orin is the leader of the Chater, so he desides when the times and places are. All starhips have their personal shrines that is flexible enough for all in the ship to prey in their different ways.

 

The best time he declares is, "Befor or after a battle is the time the Emperor shall look appon the. If you prey befor the clensing of his foes, then he shall watch you and shall shield you blind side in battle. If you prey after a battle, you tribute and glory shall be returned as gifts in ways you would least expect. Do not praise the Emperor durring battle. If you deside to praise durring battle, you shall louse you head to the heratic who was smart enough to worship his false god at a later hour. As always, the Emperor protects."

 

 

Is that good enough? :yes: :no:

Please tell me.

[Ace Debonair]

There are only 34 virals known to the Imperium, and all but five are with the Imperial Swifts (Excommunicated Traitors). The only Viral in the Fathers of Orin Chater is Orins seccond in comand Ragnorock (Rag-nor-rock). Other than that, no Phykers (and yes Phyke is a phykers power).

So you're making up super-psykers for just your chapters to have. Not a good idea - that's 'shiny new toy' syndrome, but with librarians. ^_^

Also, you'll need to explain why these guys haven't been punished by the chapter or inquisition (or anyone else) for sorcery.

 

They are from the 25th founding and the Fathers of Orin was one of three from Brair.

Excellent choice of founding, the 26th gets too much attention.

Three space marine chapters on one planet wouldn't happen. There are only 1,000 chapters and a million worlds in the Imperium - concentrating forces on one planet like that even if it was able to produce recruits at sufficient rate to keep all three going, would be a huge waste, and the High Lords of Terra/Inquisitors/The chapters themselves aren't likely to let it happen.

Gradualism is forbidden, but so is keeping all that terminator armor. :P

Two wrongs do not make a right. They make two wrongs, which means twice as many things that need changing.

I just thought of something. My Chapter needs poletical allies and Enamies.

You wouldn't have any allies. You'd have an Imperium-full of enemies because you're using cloning. And going around in a fleet that is rather too large for an astartes chapter. Keeping in touch with an inquisitor in this case is probably the best way to have your chapter declared excommunicate traitoris.

Due to the crualty and high tithes that the Adeptus Administratum demand from the Fathers of Orin, the chapter does anything in its power to lessen the voise of the Adeptus Administradum withing their fleet. This prevents much of the Imperium's Jurisdiction from effecting them.

 

Also with less law from the Administratum, the chapter trades under the table with the Inquisition, Adeptus Mechanicus, and Adeptus Ministorum. Traiding armor and assiting discovery teams to the Techpriests of Mars for weapons, ammo, tanks, and starships. Assisting the Inquisition in combat and exterminautus keeps them awwed and silent. Most importantly faith.

 

Space marines are essentuially a law unto themselves anyway. It does talk about that in the DIY guide, which I assume you still haven't read.

And most space marine chapters get their gear fromthe AdMech, by the way.

 

"Befor or after a battle is the time the Emperor shall look appon the. If you prey befor the clensing of his foes, then he shall watch you and shall shield you blind side in battle. If you prey after a battle, you tribute and glory shall be returned as gifts in ways you would least expect. Do not praise the Emperor durring battle. If you deside to praise durring battle, you shall louse you head to the heratic who was smart enough to worship his false god at a later hour. As always, the Emperor protects."

 

Bit of an inconsistency there. How can the emperor always protect if he singles you out for death if you pray in battle?

 

The idea of individualised worship isn't a bad one, but is there an overall shared view of the Emperor in any way?

 

What you've got here, is a chapter loaded up on 'awesome' and 'shiny new toy syndrome' instead of a chapter with character.

Take a look at the IAs in the Librarium - it's not 'cool new toys' that make chapters interesting and unique, it's character and personality. What they believe, where the chapter has come from, and where it's headed. In short, why the chapter is the way it is.

 

But first and foremost, go and read the DIY guide. It's stickied at the top of the forum.

 

I'm well aware that what I've said has been somewhat blunt and to-the-point. But if we don't point out all the mistakes, how are you meant to write a better chapter?

EDIT: Also, ignoring my earlier points does not always bring out the nice-guy in me. Nothing I've written is intended to cause offence in any way, I just want to help you deconstruct your mistakes.

[RagingGriffon]

Listen to Ace. A lot of people do. I do.

 

I am going tell you something, and this might sting a bit... You are in a nose dive, two of four engines are on fire, and you need to salvage this quick. People are going to stop helping soon because you aren't really changing anything. You still have a ridiculous amount of terminator armor, you clone, etc etc etc. These do not fit in WH40K canon. This might be fine for your small group of friends, or your gaming club. Which is OK, because it is your hobby. They are your models. However, if you want the most respected power armored community on the internet to accept your DIY Chapter, then you need to play inside the accepted paradigm. The best DIY Chapters nudge the boundries, and make the community as a whole go, "that is good work." You do not bust through the boundries screaming, "LOOK AT MY AWESOME CHAPTER!!!" I am not going to write anymore unless you have significant changes. So, in summary, fix it quick. We are really trying to help.

[Nickles 138 SUP]

Fine. I gues i better pull all of this out and keep it for a final wiki.

 

The fact is they are a crusading chapter, that recruits from men who fight side by side with them (with out their abbilities), They fclone, and they are part of a sossiety that you guy thing is impossible. No please explain it impossible when all other impossibileties have been proven WRONG.

 

For instance, every one told me that the Avatar of Khain could not die. I tried any ways. I was Imperial Guard back then. Now what happened was I tolda Storm trooper squad with a melta and a seargent with bolt pistol and power weapon to delay the Avatar.

 

I knew they were dead. I watched as all but the seargent was killed insantly. He had to roll snake eyes to hold ground, and gues what he did. He attacked the Avatar with all his fury, and he Hit! Avatar Furious now retaliates and misses. So the Seargent struck again, and again, and again. Finally at the end of the battle, he didn't just delay the Avatar, he killed it. That Seargents name was Rackhamm the Blood Raiser.

 

I thought he was so awsome that I made him a character in one of my Chapters. He is a Seargent in the 5th company of the Imperial Swifts, and the First Viral.

 

Virals were created out of sertian people that my buddies and I said would just roll over and die against these giant monstrocities and lived. We were had 34 viral momment, and seven of those were mine. Now you might not believe that there could be such a thing, but my buddies and I say there should be. How else could these good for nothing beet bags survive.

 

Don't you ever have a crazy momment when a conscript attacks a dreadnaught and lives till the end, or an Iquisitor charges 50 Necrons and live to kill 17 of them. Have you ever had a scout kill a CC Carnifex, or a rhino make it through an Imperial Leaman Russ charge. No!?! Well that is where Virals come from.

 

I Guess that I should try to tell the story of the Guardians instead. The have no terminator armor, no assault marines, no bikes, no land speeders, no scouts, and as training they through 10,000 neophytes into combat with imperial weaponry and see who lives

[Nickles 138 SUP]

FINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

I'LL LEAVE!

 

IF YOU DON"T EXCEPT NEW AND RANDOM IDEAS, THEN NOTHINGS GOING TO CHANGE.

 

I gues I would be better being a Tau player.

At least they except change.

 

I tried to write a letter 3 times now, so i summerised it.

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