The Red Devils, almost done

[Brother Rathul]

Here's the newest update, I completely changed the origin, some of the homeworld, and some of the combat doctrine. It's still not yet finished but it's close

Motto-Ducimus ex coelis, we lead from the clouds...

Battle cry-"Ex caeli!" "From the skies!

 

Motto-Ducimus ex coelis, we lead from the clouds...

Battle cry-"Ex caeli!" "From the skies!

 

Red Devils

The Red Devils are a loyalist chapter located in Segmentum Obscurus on their home world of Coelum. The Red Devils are a chapter without peer, specializing in surprise attacks, infiltration techniques, and orbital assault. Gaining a reputation for being sly, cunning, and bold on the battlefield has catapulted the chapter into much renown with older chapters; such as the Raven Guard and Ultramarines. But, some chapters, like the Hawk Lords, hold a rivalry between the two. Strong believers in the emperor, nothing can stand in their way.

 

Origin

Red Devils are a successor chapter to the Raven Guard, made towards the end of the twenty second founding. During 762.M35, a small detachment of two ten man assault squads by the Raven Guard 5th company was assigned to fight with the Tallarn Desert Raiders on the world of Holon Prime against Eldar forces. Functioning as a supporting force, the Raven Guard fought with a tenacity and courage the Tallarn Desert Raiders really admired. Teaching the Tallarn Desert Raiders their skills, the Raven Guard taskforce and the Tallarn Desert Raiders were successful in defeating the Eldar though speed and flexibility. During one of the engagements, the Raven Guard’s lone thunderhawk was damaged and forced to land behind enemy lines, harassing the Eldar’s rearguard and supply lines with brutal efficiency. The Eldar forces on Holon Prime began to call the taskforce, the red devils, since their armor was coated with the Eldar’s blood. After the battle, the Raven Guard taskforce was reassigned but still took their nickname “The Red Devils” as a source of pride wherever they went. When it came time for the twenty first founding, the Raven Guard assigned the taskforce to become a successor’s chapter command structure. The taskforce commander then bestowed upon the name of his new chapter, The “Red Devils”.

 

Homeworld

The Red Devils are located on the civilized world of Coelum in Segmentum Obscurus very close to the eye of terror, ever standing ready to fight the forces of chaos. Coelum was one of the many worlds liberated by the Raven Guard during the Great Crusade.

Once known for its outstanding means of transportation and infrastructure, Coelum has turned into a world plagued by constant siege. Always attacked by chaos space marines, daemons, and Dark Eldar, the citizens of Coelum are known for their outstanding means of fortification and their reluctance to retreat from any battlefield situation. It is not uncommon for a soldier of Coelum to be of twelve years age when he is drawn into the service. As a matter of fact, all citizens of Coelum are drafted into the Coelum military for a one year period where after, they may do what they wish. Though they are known to be crack shots, the citizen’s of Coelum are very much known for their medical skills. Medics in the Coelum military are held in high regard due to their efficient skills and often times bravery in the face of enemy bolter fire just to save one man form death. Many times has a man’s life been saved to a courageous army medic performing medical treatment in the heat of battle. It is form this base that the Red Devils recruit their initiates to become Space Marines. Often thrust into hopeless engagements, this proves to be an ideal recruiting ground for the Red Devils and they accept no other. Though many Space Marine chapters view their homeworld citizens with disdain and inferiority, the Red Devils hold them in high regard due to the constant fighting that taints Coelum.

 

 

Combat Doctrine

The Red Devils above all else prefer aerial assault tactics, extensive use of drop pod assaults, and low/high altitude insertion capabilities from thunderhawk gunships. The Red Devils eschew traditional land slogging and tanks using instead, jump pack equipped tactical squads. It is not uncommon for the Red Devils to dot the sky at eh start of battle right over the unsuspecting defenders. These troops are highly mobile and have many times turned the tide of battle into the Red Devils favor. The Red devils are comprised of eight companies due to the Siege of Cisterna where the Red Devils lost 375 brothers in a surprise attack by elements of the Night Lords and Iron Warriors during the opening stages of Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade. After the battle, a decision was made by chapter master Axim Fanis of the Red Devils to drop the codex astartes and instead go with 5 battle companies of eighty three battle brethren each. The codex was seen as irrelevant due to the heavy losses the Red Devils had. All scouts are put alongside their tactical counter parts much like the Black Templars. It is thought that this will improve the scout’s tutelage by fighting alongside established astartes and improve their skills as a warrior. The Red Devils maintain a veteran company called, the Rakkasans wing, which guerilla tactics, airborne insertion and are exceptional in city fighting. Thought irrational by other chapters, the first company are all trained apothecaries, excelling just like their home world counterparts at medical care not boasted by many other chapters. Not known to most brethren of the chapter is a secret sixth company of entirely none Red Devils, this company is shrouded in secrecy to hide it from the inquisition because of its astartes. This battle company shows up only in the greatest of needs and is not dispersed like a traditional first company. Staying together as a group, this company often goes to places not even known by fellow astartes to fulfill some unknown goal.

 

Recruitment

Although the Red Devils have been battered by the Siege of Cisterna, they have not been broken. Since the drop of the codex astartes, recruitment has dropped some. This is in part, due to the theory that the smaller companies make for a stronger brotherhood for the astartes of the Red Devils. All neophytes are drawn from the military of Coelum. This is usually from a young man’s insane bravery during an action fighting alongside the Red Devils. A sergeant would notice and take him into the chapter and taught how to be a space marine.

 

speak your mind, if you don't like something, say it. i could use some critiscism to help better refine it.Thanks. :devil: .

Brother Rathul

[Brother Rathul]

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...=198922&hl=

here's a link by the way for thr original concept.

[Tutteman]

Okay I'm looking over it and a few things jump out. No Raven Guard forces were present at the Imperial Palace if my memory serves me correctly.

 

Also why have the Raven Guard reached such large numbers that by third founding they could split again? Given the Raven Guard were hit very hard in the heresy it seems a bit odd that The RG would suddenly have an extra thousand marines standing around? Perhaps if you alter the Imperial Palace part to some other planet and then say that when third founding came around the survivors of the battle (having grown very close in the Heresy) were asked to lead a new chapter?

 

Good luck with the rest :)

[Tutteman]

Double post...Damn :)

[Kastellan Kong]

Some really quick notes:

 

As has already been pointed out, the Raven Guard/Horus Heresy is somewhat conflicting with established fluff. Does it need to be Raven Guard? And does it have to be during the Hours Heresey? I´m sure there are other conflicts where task forces have arrived too late.

 

Also, the engine misshap followed by Ork attack... I´d prefer one or the other. An ork ambush is slightly more epic than woops we ran out of fuel.

 

The Nigh Lords attack that hurt the chapter during the 12th black crusade. I have an issue with this one. The ¨chapter trying to rebuild after a huge set back¨ scenario is pretty packed with chapters (I´d probaly skip this for this reason alone). However, if you need to keep it, I´d change the 12th black crusade for something different... maybe draw something from the real Red Devils and see if there are any set backs from history that can inspire you... Arnhem comes to mind.

 

Where is the Homeworld located? Just curious because a planet that has been attacked by CSM several times is in a pretty bad spot. Having a world that´s under seige could be a cool idea. But chaos marine incursions tend to draw a lot of attention from more than just one chapter (depending on the scale ofc). But any chaos raids on a chapters homeworld will most likely be pretty large.

 

That´s it for now. I´ll give more feedback once I´ve had more than a quick glance at it. :)

 

Keep it up! This takes a lot of hard work! :)

[Hemal]

Motto-Ducimus ex coelis, we lead from the clouds...

Battle cry-"Ex caeli!" "From the skies!

Cool

 

Red Devils

The Red Devils are a loyalist chapter located in segmentum pacificus on their home world of Coelum. Although much of their history has been lost, the Red Devils are a chapter without peer, specializing in surprise attacks, infiltration techniques, and orbital assault. Gaining a reputation for being sly, cunning, and bold on the battlefield has catapulted the chapter into much renown with older chapters; such as the Raven Guard and Ultramarines. But, some chapters, like the Hawk Lords, hold a rivalry between the two. Strong believers in the emperor, nothing can stand in their way.

 

better than any other chapters = peerless. These guys cannot be peerless. And their lack of mention in ANY major conflicts of the 41st millenium = not as renowned.

Also - I believe in the Big E as well. In terms of his being a character in the 40K universe.

 

Origin

Red Devils are a third founding. During the Horus Heresy, a separate Raven Guard task force was en-route to Istvann V to support their legion but was delayed because of engine trouble as well as being ambushed by the greenskins. After the fighting, the taskforce went to support its brothers at Istvann V but the battle was already done and the heretics had left, leaving only the charred barren world. An attempt was made to search for survivors but was only to find the ravaged corpses of their brethren. Enraged, the captain of the taskforce set off to regroup with their legion but was blocked by a serious of catastrophic warp jumps and repeated attacks by heretic forces. When the task force reached Terra, the battle was fully underway. Incredibly undersupplied and damaged, the taskforce ran the chaos blockade and sent all their astartes to fight in the battle below via thunderhawk gunships. During the descent, the thunderhawks were incredibly low on fuel and was forced to ditch behind enemy lines. Fighting in the hit-and-run style of their legion, the Raven Guard task force was able to launch a series of attacks of the rearguard of the Emperor’s Children and their heretic allies. By the time the taskforce met up with remnants of their parent legion, they were coated in the traitor’s blood, earning the nickname, the “Red Devils” by their heretic counterparts. Rejoining their parent legion, the taskforce set off to destroy the enemies of the emperor. When the third foung came around, the taskforce was separated from the Raven Guard and bestowed upon the new chapter their name, “The Red Devils.”

 

As stated the RG were NOT present at Terra. They would have headed straight for Deliverance rather than to Terra, that's where Corax ended up...

And post Heresy the units were split into chapters of 1000 marines. The RG were no exceptio, so they wouldn't have been able to split again to provide another chapter in teh 3rd founding, maybe just a training cadre or command unit.

 

Homeworld

The Red Devils are located on the civilized world of Coelum in segmentum pacificus very close to the world of Elysian. Although the planet is recorded as being settled during the Great Crusade, no record of the Red Devils taking oaths to the planet as their fortress-monastery has been found.

The citizens of Coelum are known for their outstanding means of transportation. Covered by mostly dangerous oceans, the people of Coelum turn to the sky for their transportation, allowing them to have some of the best aircraft in the Imperium. Many space marine chapters go to Coelum to learn the ways of their aircraft artificers and how to make their aircraft engines more efficient. Though not a metropolis like Macragge, Coelum has the style of World War two Europe with vast fields and small villages. Underestimated by most, Coelum secretly has the capacity of a small forge world allowing the Red Devils to wage war with their many implements and keep up with the supply and demand of the chapter's use of jump packs. Coelum while flourishing economically, functions militarily with the same capacity of the Ultramarines home world, Macragge to a lesser degree. Coelum’s location in proximity to the eye of terror itself gives Coelum's military lots of experience form which to the Red Devils recruit; its troops known to be stubborn, steadfast warriors. The planet itself is no utopia and has been attacked many times by Chaos Space Marine forces. The Red Devils form a strong brotherhood with the Coelum defence force because of these constant attacks, forming a comaderie the civilians of Coelums admire as well as other space marine chapter planets. To be in the military of Coelum is a great honour, often called upon to take many dangerous missions, they are an elite, using tactics much like the Elysian Drop Troops. Though the military and the Red Devils don’t look down upon civilians, there is a general dislike from the military towards civilians.

 

Superlatives again - best aircraft? Outstanding transportation? Not many planets can possibly claim that, especially a planet which isn't covered in manufactorums - which a Forge World IS (Forge Worlds can produce as much as they do because every spare centimetre of the planet is given over to manufacturing "Stuff"). Als marine chapters don't tend to recruit from advanced civilisations, certainly not from grown troopers, rather they recruit from early teens and older primary school kids. The advanced civ bit can be changed easily enough (e.g. the Imp Fists recruiting on Necromunda) but I don;t think adults can become true marines now (they were converted using surgery during the Crusade, not geneseed)

 

Combat Doctrine

The Red Devils above all else prefer aerial assault tactics, extensive use of drop pod assaults, and low/high altitude insertion capabilities. The Red Devils eschew traditional land slogging and instead, use jump pack equipped tactical squads. It is not uncommon for the Red Devils to appear in the sky like the Elysian drop trooper regiments with there grav chutes. These troops are highly mobile and have many times turned the tide of battle into the Red Devils favor. The Red devils are comprised of eight companies due to the Battle of Cisterna where the Red Devils lost 375 brothers in a surprise attack by elements of the Night Lords during the opening stages of Abaddon’s twelfth Black Crusade. After the battle, a decision was made by chapter master Axim Fanis of the Red Devils to drop the codex astartes and instead go with 5 battle companies of eighty three battle brethren each. The Red Devils maintain a veteran company called, the Rodin wing, which use a lot of guerilla tactics and airborne insertion. Not known to most brethren of the chapter is a secret sixth company of entirely none Red Devils, this company is shrouded in secrecy and use a different color system than the Red Devils entirely but fight were the Red Devils need the most help

 

12th Black Crusade was a while ago. 375 battle brotehr losses can be easily made up in that period, if the UM can recover from Macragge, and the Crimson Fists have partially recovered from Rynn's world in much less time.

[Brother Rathul]

Thanks for posting everyone <_< . I really appreciate the help. It's not finished yet, but I'm still working on it. I'll change and tweak the ideas around a bit, don't worry, this will end up good. There is even more cool ideas brewing in my mind. Update coming soon.....

[Brother Rathul]

Here's the newest update, I completely changed the origin, some of the homeworld, and some of the combat doctrine. It's still not yet finished but it's close

Motto-Ducimus ex coelis, we lead from the clouds...

Battle cry-"Ex caeli!" "From the skies!

 

Motto-Ducimus ex coelis, we lead from the clouds...

Battle cry-"Ex caeli!" "From the skies!

 

Red Devils

The Red Devils are a loyalist chapter located in Segmentum Obscurus on their home world of Coelum. The Red Devils are a chapter without peer, specializing in surprise attacks, infiltration techniques, and orbital assault. Gaining a reputation for being sly, cunning, and bold on the battlefield has catapulted the chapter into much renown with older chapters; such as the Raven Guard and Ultramarines. But, some chapters, like the Hawk Lords, hold a rivalry between the two. Strong believers in the emperor, nothing can stand in their way.

 

Origin

Red Devils are a successor chapter to the Raven Guard, made towards the end of the twenty second founding. During 762.M35, a small detachment of two ten man assault squads by the Raven Guard 5th company was assigned to fight with the Tallarn Desert Raiders on the world of Holon Prime against Eldar forces. Functioning as a supporting force, the Raven Guard fought with a tenacity and courage the Tallarn Desert Raiders really admired. Teaching the Tallarn Desert Raiders their skills, the Raven Guard taskforce and the Tallarn Desert Raiders were successful in defeating the Eldar though speed and flexibility. During one of the engagements, the Raven Guard’s lone thunderhawk was damaged and forced to land behind enemy lines, harassing the Eldar’s rearguard and supply lines with brutal efficiency. The Eldar forces on Holon Prime began to call the taskforce, the red devils, since their armor was coated with the Eldar’s blood. After the battle, the Raven Guard taskforce was reassigned but still took their nickname “The Red Devils” as a source of pride wherever they went. When it came time for the twenty first founding, the Raven Guard assigned the taskforce to become a successor’s chapter command structure. The taskforce commander then bestowed upon the name of his new chapter, The “Red Devils”.

 

Homeworld

The Red Devils are located on the civilized world of Coelum in Segmentum Obscurus very close to the eye of terror, ever standing ready to fight the forces of chaos. Coelum was one of the many worlds liberated by the Raven Guard during the Great Crusade.

Once known for its outstanding means of transportation and infrastructure, Coelum has turned into a world plagued by constant siege. Always attacked by chaos space marines, daemons, and Dark Eldar, the citizens of Coelum are known for their outstanding means of fortification and their reluctance to retreat from any battlefield situation. It is not uncommon for a soldier of Coelum to be of twelve years age when he is drawn into the service. As a matter of fact, all citizens of Coelum are drafted into the Coelum military for a one year period where after, they may do what they wish. Though they are known to be crack shots, the citizen’s of Coelum are very much known for their medical skills. Medics in the Coelum military are held in high regard due to their efficient skills and often times bravery in the face of enemy bolter fire just to save one man form death. Many times has a man’s life been saved to a courageous army medic performing medical treatment in the heat of battle. It is form this base that the Red Devils recruit their initiates to become Space Marines. Often thrust into hopeless engagements, this proves to be an ideal recruiting ground for the Red Devils and they accept no other. Though many Space Marine chapters view their homeworld citizens with disdain and inferiority, the Red Devils hold them in high regard due to the constant fighting that taints Coelum.

 

 

Combat Doctrine

The Red Devils above all else prefer aerial assault tactics, extensive use of drop pod assaults, and low/high altitude insertion capabilities from thunderhawk gunships. The Red Devils eschew traditional land slogging and tanks using instead, jump pack equipped tactical squads. It is not uncommon for the Red Devils to dot the sky at eh start of battle right over the unsuspecting defenders. These troops are highly mobile and have many times turned the tide of battle into the Red Devils favor. The Red devils are comprised of eight companies due to the Siege of Cisterna where the Red Devils lost 375 brothers in a surprise attack by elements of the Night Lords and Iron Warriors during the opening stages of Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade. After the battle, a decision was made by chapter master Axim Fanis of the Red Devils to drop the codex astartes and instead go with 5 battle companies of eighty three battle brethren each. The codex was seen as irrelevant due to the heavy losses the Red Devils had. All scouts are put alongside their tactical counter parts much like the Black Templars. It is thought that this will improve the scout’s tutelage by fighting alongside established astartes and improve their skills as a warrior. The Red Devils maintain a veteran company called, the Rakkasans wing, which guerilla tactics, airborne insertion and are exceptional in city fighting. Thought irrational by other chapters, the first company are all trained apothecaries, excelling just like their home world counterparts at medical care not boasted by many other chapters. Not known to most brethren of the chapter is a secret sixth company of entirely none Red Devils, this company is shrouded in secrecy to hide it from the inquisition because of its astartes. This battle company shows up only in the greatest of needs and is not dispersed like a traditional first company. Staying together as a group, this company often goes to places not even known by fellow astartes to fulfill some unknown goal.

 

Recruitment

Although the Red Devils have been battered by the Siege of Cisterna, they have not been broken. Since the drop of the codex astartes, recruitment has dropped some. This is in part, due to the theory that the smaller companies make for a stronger brotherhood for the astartes of the Red Devils. All neophytes are drawn from the military of Coelum. This is usually from a young man’s insane bravery during an action fighting alongside the Red Devils. A sergeant would notice and take him into the chapter and taught how to be a space marine.

 

speak your mind, if you don't like something, say it. i could use some critiscism to help better refine it.Thanks. .

Brother Rathul

[Brother Rathul]

Sory about the double post but here's an some new stuff.

Motto-Ducimus ex coelis, we lead from the clouds...

Battle cry-"Ex caeli!" "From the skies!

 

Red Devils

The Red Devils are a loyalist chapter located in Segmentum Obscurus on their home world of Coelum. The Red Devils are a chapter without peer, specializing in surprise attacks, infiltration techniques, and orbital assault. Gaining a reputation for being sly, cunning, and bold on the battlefield has catapulted the chapter into much renown with older chapters; such as the Raven Guard and Ultramarines. But, some chapters, like the Hawk Lords, hold a rivalry between the two.

 

Origin

Red Devils are a successor chapter to the Raven Guard, made towards the end of the twenty second founding. During 762.M35, a small detachment of two ten man assault squads by the Raven Guard 5th company was assigned to fight with the Tallarn Desert Raiders on the world of Holon Prime against Eldar forces. Functioning as a supporting force, the Raven Guard fought with a tenacity and courage the Tallarn Desert Raiders really admired. Teaching the Tallarn Desert Raiders their skills, the Raven Guard taskforce and the Tallarn Desert Raiders were successful in defeating the Eldar though speed and flexibility. During one of the engagements, the Raven Guard’s lone thunderhawk was damaged and forced to land behind enemy lines, harassing the Eldar’s rearguard and supply lines with brutal efficiency. The Eldar forces on Holon Prime began to call the taskforce, the red devils, since their armor was coated with the Eldar’s blood. After the battle, the Raven Guard taskforce was reassigned but still took their nickname “The Red Devils” as a source of pride wherever they went. When it came time for the twenty first founding, the Raven Guard assigned the taskforce to become a successor’s chapter command structure. The taskforce commander then bestowed upon the name of his new chapter, The “Red Devils”.

 

Homeworld

The Red Devils are located on the civilized world of Coelum in Segmentum Obscurus very close to the eye of terror, ever standing ready to fight the forces of chaos. Coelum was one of the many worlds liberated by the Raven Guard during the Great Crusade.

Once known for its outstanding means of transportation and infrastructure, Coelum has turned into a world plagued by constant siege. Always attacked by chaos space marines, daemons, and Dark Eldar, the citizens of Coelum are known for their outstanding means of fortification and their reluctance to retreat from any battlefield situation. It is not uncommon for a soldier of Coelum to be of twelve years age when he is drawn into the service. As a matter of fact, all citizens of Coelum are drafted into the Coelum military for a one year period where after, they may do what they wish. Though they are known to be crack shots, the citizen’s of Coelum are very much known for their medical skills. Medics in the Coelum military are held in high regard due to their efficient skills and often times bravery in the face of enemy bolter fire just to save one man form death. Many times has a man’s life been saved to a courageous army medic performing medical treatment in the heat of battle. It is form this base that the Red Devils recruit their initiates to become Space Marines. Often thrust into hopeless engagements, this proves to be an ideal recruiting ground for the Red Devils and they accept no other. Though many Space Marine chapters view their homeworld citizens with disdain and inferiority, the Red Devils hold them in high regard due to the constant fighting that taints Coelum.

 

 

Combat Doctrine

The Red Devils above all else prefer aerial assault tactics, extensive use of drop pod assaults, and low/high altitude insertion capabilities from thunderhawk gunships. The Red Devils eschew traditional land slogging and tanks using instead, jump pack equipped tactical squads. It is not uncommon for the Red Devils to dot the sky at eh start of battle right over the unsuspecting defenders. These troops are highly mobile and have many times turned the tide of battle into the Red Devils favor. The Red devils are comprised of eight companies due to the Siege of Cisterna where the Red Devils lost 696 brothers in a surprise attack by elements of the Night Lords and Iron Warriors during the opening stages of Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade. After the battle, a decision was made by chapter master Ranan Fanis of the Red Devils to drop the codex astartes and instead go with 5 battle companies of eighty three battle brethren each. The codex was seen as irrelevant due to the heavy losses the Red Devils had. Each battle company has eleven squads, (give or take) of seven marines each. The squads are divided up into one devastator squad, two assault squads, and eight tactical squads. All scouts are put alongside their tactical counter parts much like the Black Templars. It is thought that this will improve the scout’s tutelage by fighting alongside established astartes and improve their skills as a warrior. The Red Devils maintain a veteran company called, the Rakkasans wing, which guerilla tactics, airborne insertion and are exceptional in city fighting. Thought irrational by other chapters, the first company are all trained apothecaries, excelling just like their home world counterparts at medical care not boasted by many other chapters. Not known to most brethren of the chapter is a secret sixth company of entirely none Red Devils, this company is shrouded in secrecy to hide it from the inquisition because of its astartes. This battle company shows up only in the greatest of needs and is not dispersed like a traditional first company, but rather stays together as a whole. This company will often goes to places not even known by fellow astartes to fulfill some unknown goal.

 

The Siege of Cisterna

Before Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade, Abaddons entrusted elements of the Night Lords and Iron Warriors to raid the Red Devils homeworld of Coelum in a surprise attack to establish a forward operating base for Abaddon’s forces as well as capturing the gene-seed located on the planet. Once Abaddon begun the crusade, the chaos warband attacked. Catching the defenders of Coelum off guard, they quickly established a landing base for their forces on the spaceport of Cisterna. The Reed Devils chapter was currently deployed in masse to Armageddon and in Ultima Segmentum to assist in fighting ork and tyrannid forces. The Red Devils on Coelum were only neophytes, wounded battle brothers, and some of the chapter command. The Red Devils Master of Sanctity, Garren Aximis lead the desperate defense and managed to stymie the invasion and send for help. When the Red Devils in the galaxy got the news, they immediately headed back to Coelum and decided to rendezvous at Terra to coordinate a massive counterattack. When the Red Devils set out, they were immediately besieged by orks near Armageddon and delayed for months. When the Red Devils finally reached Coelum, it was a shadow of its former self. Its sky blackened, its seas dry form lance strikes, its once green nature now gone. It looked as though the planet had been mutilated by years of toxicity and pollution when in fact; this was only caused in a couple of weeks. The Red Devils immediately engaged the heretic’s fleet and committed to boarding actions with its first, second, third and fourth companies while two grand companies of the fifth and sixth companies where combined with the seventh, eight, and ninth. The two grand companies would then make planet fall via drop pod assault and thunderhawks. The first to land on Coelum was the Red Devils fifth grand company. Dispatched to fight the heretic’s rearguard, the fifth company attacked the Cisterna space port. The Red Devils grand sixth company was dispatched to help fight the heretic’s forces harassing the civilians of Coelum. What the Red Devils fifth company found was astonishing, the civilians of Coelum took back the Cisterna spaceport and held the traitors off, but they were on there last ropes and the traitor forces where pushing them back. What ensued next was total chaos, when the Red Devils landed, their coordinates where corrupted by the Dark Powers and landed separate from one another; some even separated by miles. Worse still was the fact that they were put right on top of the traitor’s main force. When the drop pods landed, they where brutally overrun by the chaos forces. Often times, the Red Devils would be outnumbered 10:1 in close combat that followed. While this was happening, the sixth grand company was going pretty harsh as well. When the traitor’s forces made landfall, they disgorged some of their demons to run wildly in the cities. The Red Devils went into urban fighting only advancing across streets in a day’s time. On the seventh day of battle, the outcome was looking bleak for the Red Devils. The fifth grand company was all but slaughtered and the sixth grand company halted to a standstill in the cities. The space battle wasn’t going so good either with a small Black Legion fleet reinforcing the traitor’s space fleet. It wasn’t until a small force of the Grey Knights arrived that the Red Devils started to make headway. Supported by a sizeable Iron Skulls fleet, the Red Devils were able to make a counter attack alongside their newly found reinforcements and were able to make the traitor fleet retreat back to the Eye of Terror. Insisting the Red Devils in space not make landfall due to their losses, the Grey Knights and Iron Skulls landed at Cisterna space port.

 

Recruitment

Although the Red Devils have been battered by the Siege of Cisterna, they have not been broken. Since the drop of the codex astartes, recruitment has dropped some. This is in part, due to the theory that the smaller companies make for a stronger brotherhood for the astartes of the Red Devils. All neophytes are drawn from the military of Coelum. This is usually from a young man’s insane bravery during an action fighting alongside the Red Devils. A sergeant would notice and take him into the chapter and taught how to be a space marine. The neophyte is stooped in all regular lore of becoming a space marine but, also learns how to jump with grav-chutes out of thunderhawk. This prepares the neophytes for their tactical squad jump packs and how to do high altitude insertions via thunderhawks. After the neophyte completes his training, he is assigned to a tactical squad and pared with an older battle brother. As the scout progress, he is given a small part of astartes battle gear, depending on what the older battle brother thinks is most useful for the scout; (usually a helmet, gauntlets, shoulderpad, etc.) form a deceased battle brother and adds it his battle gear. This teaches the Scout responsibility and shows his attachment to the fallen brothers of the chapter. Once the scout is ready to become an astartes, he is given all of the fallen battle brother’s armor and his name is inscribed upon it. Once the scout has become a battle brother, he is instated into an assault squad. The Red Devils believe that if you are to master mobility first, you must master the art of close combat first. (Continued in beliefs)

 

Beliefs

The Red Devils have one belief that stands out from many chapters, never leave a man behind. Not one Red Devil battle brother has not been recovered by the Red devils in their entire history of the chapter and continues to this day. On one occasion, a chaos warband killed a squad of Red Devils and took with them the gene seed to give to the dark gods. Enraged, the Red Devils mustered the whole chapter and reclaimed the gene seed. It was said their fury was like no other, a blazing anger with which a million foes would be trampled asunder.

[garfey]

Damm, just found your chapter as I'm fleshing out my "blood devils" - same idea but based on Blood Angels so I can have all airborne (jump) assaults, storm ravens etc.

 

Do you mind if I keep my name as it's similar but there are some key differences... Blood Devils Thread

 

Cheers,

 

Garf

[Shinzaren]

The Red Devils are a loyalist chapter located in Segmentum Obscurus on their home world of Coelum. The Red Devils are a chapter without peer, specializing in surprise attacks, infiltration techniques, and orbital assault. Gaining a reputation for being sly, cunning, and bold on the battlefield has catapulted the chapter into much renown with older chapters; such as the Raven Guard and Ultramarines. But, some chapters, like the Hawk Lords, hold a rivalry between the two. Strong believers in the emperor, nothing can stand in their way.

 

Don't use the word Loyalist. Just say Space Marine, as the majority are loyalist, this extra bit is unnecessary. To be a peer to something is to stand on equal ground with them. Your saying your chapter stands above EVERY other chapter in the 40k universe. You're also saying your chapter has gained much renown with the chapters of legend. If they're so great, why are we just hearing about them now? this is a good example of M.I.S.S(Me? I'm. So. Super.) Why do the Hawk Lords hold a rivalry?

 

Functioning as a supporting force, the Raven Guard fought with a tenacity and courage the Tallarn Desert Raiders really admired.

Wording here sounds a little highschoolish. Replace really with greatly perhaps?

 

The Eldar forces on Holon Prime began to call the taskforce, the red devils, since their armor was coated with the Eldar’s blood.

Everyone gets covered in blood during wars. Earning the nickname Red Devils because you're bloody doesn't make much sense. Also, if the Eldar called them this, how did the Raven Guard hear about it? Are they talking to the Eldar?

 

The Red Devils are located on the civilized world of Coelum in Segmentum Obscurus very close to the eye of terror, ever standing ready to fight the forces of chaos. Coelum was one of the many worlds liberated by the Raven Guard during the Great Crusade.

 

This could be reworded a bit, to make it easier to follow:

 

"The Red Devils are located on the Civilized world of Coelum, a world in the Segmentum Obscurus that was originally liberated by the Raven Guard during the Great Crusade. Coelum stands close to the Eye of Terror, and the Red Devils are ever vigilant against the forces of Chaos."

 

Always attacked by chaos space marines, daemons, and Dark Eldar, the citizens of Coelum are known for their outstanding means of fortification and their reluctance to retreat from any battlefield situation.

 

Always could perhaps be changed to Often. Outstanding means of fortification sounds too awesome, and I think means should be changed to methods.

 

Though they are known to be crack shots, the citizen’s of Coelum are very much known for their medical skills

 

You're still emphasizing too much awesome in your IA. And who knows of these awesome normal men and women? How did they acquire their medical skills?

 

Medics in the Coelum military are held in high regard due to their efficient skills and often times bravery in the face of enemy bolter fire just to save one man form death. Many times has a man’s life been saved to a courageous army medic performing medical treatment in the heat of battle.

 

These two sentences can be combined into one.

 

Though many Space Marine chapters view their homeworld citizens with disdain and inferiority, the Red Devils hold them in high regard due to the constant fighting that taints Coelum.

 

Saying it taints the world evokes images of Chaos and Heresy. Perhaps change taints to permeates, or besets.

 

The Red Devils above all else prefer aerial assault tactics, extensive use of drop pod assaults, and low/high altitude insertion capabilities from thunderhawk gunships.

 

Both of the latter things in this paragraph are a form of aerial assault, and are therefore redundant.

 

The Red Devils eschew traditional land slogging and tanks using instead,

 

No tanks? How do they battle the armor companies of their enemies?

 

The Red devils are comprised of eight companies due to the Siege of Cisterna where the Red Devils lost 696 brothers in a surprise attack by elements of the Night Lords and Iron Warriors during the opening stages of Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade. After the battle, a decision was made by chapter master Ranan Fanis of the Red Devils to drop the codex astartes and instead go with 5 battle companies of eighty three battle brethren each. The codex was seen as irrelevant due to the heavy losses the Red Devils had.

 

The Codex includes/covers nearly every possible scenario, and includes the works and teaching of the Red Devils Primarch, Corax. I doubt they would drop it like a hot potato after just one battle. However, they might instead adapt it to their needs, altering parts of it, but still sticking to the majority. Why 5 companies of 83 Space Marines? You cut more than half your force for no apparent reason. Yes they got owned, why did they decide not to recoup their losses, and instead stick with 83 members for each of the 5 companies. This makes no sense.

 

All scouts are put alongside their tactical counter parts much like the Black Templars.

 

Leave out the BT. People will get your point without them, and as it stands it seems like name dropping for no reason.

 

The Red Devils maintain a veteran company called, the Rakkasans wing, which guerilla tactics, airborne insertion and are exceptional in city fighting. Thought irrational by other chapters, the first company are all trained apothecaries, excelling just like their home world counterparts at medical care not boasted by many other chapters.

 

Why are they called Rakkasan's Wing? Who or what is a Rakkasan? Why are they good at street fighting? In a street fight, aerial tactics are largely useless, and its easy to get bogged down. How did they excel in two radically different things? It's thought irrational by other chapters, because it is irrational. Why are they apothecaries? Why waste the time, effort, and resources training and equipping them to be healers? All that time and material could be put to better use just perfecting the art of slaying the enemy.

 

Not known to most brethren of the chapter is a secret sixth company of entirely none Red Devils, this company is shrouded in secrecy to hide it from the inquisition because of its astartes. This battle company shows up only in the greatest of needs and is not dispersed like a traditional first company, but rather stays together as a whole. This company will often goes to places not even known by fellow astartes to fulfill some unknown goal.

 

What? Why? What purpose does this serve, and how does it add to the IA? How is it made up of entirely none Red Devils? Is that a typo? Why are they hiding from the Inquisition? Why are they going places and what goals are they fulfilling? Who do they answer to? Again, how does this aid the IA in any way?

 

The Red Devils on Coelum were only neophytes, wounded battle brothers, and some of the chapter command. The Red Devils Master of Sanctity, Garren Aximis lead the desperate defense and managed to stymie the invasion and send for help.

 

How did this ragtag and unexperienced group stymie a full on Black Crusade invasion? Seems unlikely.

 

When the Red Devils in the galaxy got the news, they immediately headed back to Coelum and decided to rendezvous at Terra to coordinate a massive counterattack.

Why Terra? I'm sure during a Black Crusade the Sol System would be on total lockdown, and they wouldn't appreciate your chapter showing up and using the center of humanity as a meeting spot.

 

The Red Devils immediately engaged the heretic’s fleet and committed to boarding actions with its first, second, third and fourth companies while two grand companies of the fifth and sixth companies where combined with the seventh, eight, and ninth. The two grand companies would then make planet fall via drop pod assault and thunderhawks. The first to land on Coelum was the Red Devils fifth grand company. Dispatched to fight the heretic’s rearguard, the fifth company attacked the Cisterna space port. The Red Devils grand sixth company was dispatched to help fight the heretic’s forces harassing the civilians of Coelum. What the Red Devils fifth company found was astonishing, the civilians of Coelum took back the Cisterna spaceport and held the traitors off, but they were on there last ropes and the traitor forces where pushing them back. What ensued next was total chaos, when the Red Devils landed, their coordinates where corrupted by the Dark Powers and landed separate from one another; some even separated by miles. Worse still was the fact that they were put right on top of the traitor’s main force. When the drop pods landed, they where brutally overrun by the chaos forces. Often times, the Red Devils would be outnumbered 10:1 in close combat that followed. While this was happening, the sixth grand company was going pretty harsh as well. When the traitor’s forces made landfall, they disgorged some of their demons to run wildly in the cities. The Red Devils went into urban fighting only advancing across streets in a day’s time. On the seventh day of battle, the outcome was looking bleak for the Red Devils. The fifth grand company was all but slaughtered and the sixth grand company halted to a standstill in the cities. The space battle wasn’t going so good either with a small Black Legion fleet reinforcing the traitor’s space fleet. It wasn’t until a small force of the Grey Knights arrived that the Red Devils started to make headway. Supported by a sizeable Iron Skulls fleet, the Red Devils were able to make a counter attack alongside their newly found reinforcements and were able to make the traitor fleet retreat back to the Eye of Terror. Insisting the Red Devils in space not make landfall due to their losses, the Grey Knights and Iron Skulls landed at Cisterna space port.

 

This should be divided up into two paragraphs minimum to make it easier to read. The flow of it is terrible and incredibly difficult to push through. In addition, it doesn't really tell us anything. At seemingly every turn your guys are surrounded and outnumbered 10:1 and still manage to survive and keep fighting. Where did the Grey Knight come from? Are there demons fighting on your planet? Cause they fight demons. When the Iron Skulls get there? How did your civilians retake your city, on their own, from Chaos Space Marines?

 

This whole paragraph and battle sequence reeks of both M.I.S.S. and name dropping. You have Night Lords, Iron Warriors, Iron Skulls, Grey Knights. You're trying to make your chapter too involved. Not only that, but the sequence of events as I am reading seems to imply that your planet was basically lost. Which means they probably killed all your dudes that were there and took your geneseed. If so, then why would they stick around? They have better things to do than fight civilians with no real goal. Not that it would be much of a fight.

 

This is in part, due to the theory that the smaller companies make for a stronger brotherhood for the astartes of the Red Devils. All neophytes are drawn from the military of Coelum. This is usually from a young man’s insane bravery during an action fighting alongside the Red Devils. A sergeant would notice and take him into the chapter and taught how to be a space marine. The neophyte is stooped in all regular lore of becoming a space marine but, also learns how to jump with grav-chutes out of thunderhawk.

 

That theory seems silly, as Astartes are already incredibly tight knit as a brotherhood, and downsizing companies makes little to no tactical sense. How often are your Red Devils fighting alongside your guardsmen, that they can recruit solely from the military? Its not just teaching, but instilling the geneseed, the organs, hypno-therapy, etc etc. This is a long and arduous process, and needs to be started early. I don't know the average age of your military, but I would think they would likely be too old. All marines learn all facets of warfare, you don't need to make special example of learning how a jumpack works. Lastly, stooped in lore, should be steeped in war.

 

After the neophyte completes his training, he is assigned to a tactical squad and pared with an older battle brother. As the scout progress, he is given a small part of astartes battle gear, depending on what the older battle brother thinks is most useful for the scout; (usually a helmet, gauntlets, shoulderpad, etc.) form a deceased battle brother and adds it his battle gear. This teaches the Scout responsibility and shows his attachment to the fallen brothers of the chapter. Once the scout is ready to become an astartes, he is given all of the fallen battle brother’s armor and his name is inscribed upon it. Once the scout has become a battle brother, he is instated into an assault squad. The Red Devils believe that if you are to master mobility first, you must master the art of close combat first

 

Seems very Black Templar-ish. How do you know the gear would work when not linked to the rest of the system? Like the powerpack? Also, I'm guessing shoulderpads are crazy heavy, and probably would not work without the chest piece, powerpack, inbuilt servos, and the arm attachments. Having them go Assault Squad first seems pretty Space Wolfie. Why is close combat tied to mobility? Seems the opposite is true. A squad not engaged in furiously melee would probably be more mobile then one who is, which is why tactical squads don't need jumppacks. AS's do need them to be mobile, as blasting into the air is one of the few ways to escape the bogging down of melee.

 

The Red Devils have one belief that stands out from many chapters, never leave a man behind. Not one Red Devil battle brother has not been recovered by the Red devils in their entire history of the chapter and continues to this day. On one occasion, a chaos warband killed a squad of Red Devils and took with them the gene seed to give to the dark gods. Enraged, the Red Devils mustered the whole chapter and reclaimed the gene seed. It was said their fury was like no other, a blazing anger with which a million foes would be trampled asunder.

 

Why does that stand out? All Space Marines believe in never leaving a man behind. Not one Red Devil has been unrecovered? Really? So if you are fighting on an alien planet, and forced to retreat suddenly, how do you recover your lost? If your intent is to come back for them, who says you would be victorious, or that the body would even still be there? How did the ENTIRE chapter track down one warband? Why hadn't the warband sacrificed the geneseedalready? This whole last paragraph isn't a belief section, more like a story. Also, it is very very M.I.S.S.

 

Your IA doesn't really tell the reader anything. They are RG successors. They like aerial combat. Other than that, I don't know anything about these guys, except that they are super mega awesome. Tone down how great they are, and flesh out the actual character of the marines. Don't overstate their loyalty to each other, their peerless skills in combat, or their awesome medical skills. Give us more about how they think, and why they think that. Why do they get out of bed each morning. What are their views on the Imperium, The Emperor, and other chapters? What are they like out of combat? Also, your spelling and your sentence structure need quite a bit of work. In the words Octavulg, "We know they kick ass. They're space marines. So tell us about their bubblegum." Also, cut down on the story of the siege. Its a huge paragraph and it is really hard to read, but doesn't add nearly anything to feel of the chapter.

 

Yes, that was probably a very critical overview of my thoughts, and is probably going to rile you up and get you a bit upset. It should. Defend your chapter, explain your thought process, and make me understand what your vision of these guys is. Stick with them, and rework and rework until you have something that lets the reader know how crazy cool your marines are, without making him/her shake their head in disbelief or exasperation. You have the ideas, and the passion, just needs to be reigned in, and cooled off a bit.

[Brother Rathul]

Hey guys,

It's been awhile since I last updated these dudes, now that I look back, I made a lot of mistakes which are now being fixed due to some time off. This thread by no means is dead, and by all means will be updated soon.

P.S., I'm getting close to the end of another DIY chapter I'm working on called the Reborn so I'll keep you guys posted as it comes along.

Brother Rathul

[Keyboard]

Not all that important, but you should add some bbcode and pictures (Colour scheme etc) to make it look preeeeettttyy...

 

BBcode: http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...;showarticle=42

[Brother Rathul]

Not all that important, but you should add some bbcode and pictures (Colour scheme etc) to make it look preeeeettttyy...

 

BBcode: http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...;showarticle=42

I was wondering how in the world everybody could do that, you have now opened my eyes :devil: .

Thank you

Brother Rathul

[Keyboard]

Yea, i had no clue how to do it, i knew i saw it somewhere, so i started looking through the DIY guides. Found it there hurray! :devil:

[NightrawenII]

My thoughts:

 

The Eldar forces on Holon Prime began to call the taskforce, the red devils, since their armor was coated with the Eldar’s blood. After the battle, the Raven Guard taskforce was reassigned but still took their nickname “The Red Devils” as a source of pride wherever they went.

- The Raven Guard armour is black, therefore the blood wouldn't be very visible...

- I'm not sure, if the Marines take pride in the curses of filthy Xenos.

 

Always attacked by chaos space marines, daemons, and Dark Eldar, the citizens of Coelum are known for their outstanding means of fortification and their reluctance to retreat from any battlefield situation.

- If the planet is under constant attack of Chaos forces, then there is something terribly wrong.

- The Dark Eldar don't attack well-defended planets, because... well, they are well-defended. -_-

 

The Red Devils eschew traditional land slogging and tanks using instead, jump pack equipped tactical squads.

- ;)

 

The Red devils are comprised of eight companies due to the Siege of Cisterna where the Red Devils lost 375 brothers in a surprise attack by elements of the Night Lords and Iron Warriors during the opening stages of Abaddon’s thirteenth Black Crusade. After the battle, a decision was made by chapter master Axim Fanis of the Red Devils to drop the codex astartes and instead go with 5 battle companies of eighty three battle brethren each. The codex was seen as irrelevant due to the heavy losses the Red Devils had.

- One battle rules them all. :tu:

 

Few additional notes:

- Raven Guard's gene-seed is damaged beyond repair.

- The 21st Founding is nicknamed "Cursed", because of the ill-fortune and genetic mutations displayed by the Chapters of this Founding.