DarkKnightCuron Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Awesome concept, dude! I really like it, especially the color scheme! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2441338 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Thanks man :) its something I've been working on for a while, I found myself hopping chapters every three days so I slowly merged my favourite chapters and ideologies together into the Blood Dragons :P Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2441345 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 The Blood Dragons chapter was born during early M32 as part of the 4th Founding. They were created to replace a chapter lost on the Eastern fringes of the Ultima Segmentum to patrol against invading Ork hordes and Eldar Pirate raids. Â It might be a good idea to mention the Chapter name. Â Also, why are they so old? Do they really need a recorded history the same length as humanity's? Â However the infant chapter had barely stepped foot into the universe when they intercepted a distress signal from an Imperial Garrison under siege; it warned Imperial forces of a new type of Ork weaponry they called the 'Mega-Rok' and advised that none should approach without an entire sector fleet. The young and rash stand-in Chapter Master (A Blood angel captain was set to take command after they arrived at 'Insert planet name here') of Chapter 501 (as they were known at that time) Ordered his chapter to respond immediately, the first of many mistakes in his short career. Â Finish your IA before submitting it to the Librarium. Seriously. No name? And "Insert planet name here"? Â As the Chapter fleet entered the system they encountered the Mega-Rok, an asteroid much lager than that seen previously and armed with a giant make-shift laser cannon. As the weapon fired it tore through 3 Rapid strike vessels and crippled the Battle-barge 'Tears of Blood' before the chapter could react. The insuring battle was disastrous as the chapter tried to make planet fall, losing more ships in orbit to the 'Lazer-Beem'. The ground forces didn't fare much better once the beam was turned on them, destroying whole cities and annihilating scores of Marines. To make things worse it seemed the stresses of being so badly defeated during their first days as a chapter had been too much for the Chapter master who was overcome by the Black rage and was said to have fallen in combat. Â You do realize Orks routinely utilize Space Hulks, right? And that Space Hulks are already massive? So a massive Ork asteroid wouldn't really be all that shocking. Â For 25 years the chapter fought at the side of the Black Templars, learning their ways and gaining respect for their sense of honour and zeal. One of the Templar Marshals, Uther Pendragon... Â Right. I'm done here. Â * * * Â There needs to be something interesting about the Chapter itself that draws us in - something about their character and their nature that is interesting. And right now there's not really anything here like that. You've got lots of fiddly little details, but none of those show us what the Chapter's really like as people/individuals/an organization. We don't know who they are. Â References, BTW, should be subtle. If they reduce eye-rolling, it should be through the nature of the reference, not through how blatant it is. Â Oh, and titles like Morning War and Battle-Barge get both parts capitalized. Â This could be interesting, and some of the components are interesting. But I think you'd be wise to work out a clear outline and plan of what you want, then build up from there. What interests you about the Chapter? What do you like most about them? What makes them different from other Chapters? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2447962 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 woops sorry about the 'Insert planet name here' :S when I added the Homeworld I thought I had changed all of those, my bad. Chapter 501 is what they were called at that time, they were going to have a naming ceremony on Duraga when they arrived. As for the rest they are all good points and I shall get to work! Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2448456 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 Just remember - what is it that makes the Chapter unique? Who are they? Â Specialness flows from that, not the other way around. ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2448460 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 I was inventing a Prophesy that originated on Duraga during ancient times, that humanity was born on the planet when a god fell from the stars and landed in the Dragon kingdoms of Ancient Duraga. The ruler of the Dragons, The Dragoness, fell in love with the god and took him to her ivory tower to mend his wounds. Their children became the humans that inhabited the world and spread, but they hunted the dragons, slaying the Dragon lords one by one and fearing for her life, the Dagoness and the God fled the planet. It is said that a chosen few from Duraga will one day find the god and the Dragoness and bring them back for a new age of peace. Now The Blood Dragons believe this to be a legend formed from years of story telling, but that its based on some truth. The believe the 'god' is The Emperor in his youth, and that he brought humanity with him to Duraga while searching for something. Chapter Techmarines and chaplains have deducted that the 'Dragoness' and the 'Ivory tower' must be artifacts from an ancient civilisation, that may have tamed the Dragons that live in the mountains; and because of the stories of her immortality, it must be able to heal wounds or grant eternal life. So being the greatest warriors of Duraga they think it is their duty to fulfil the prophecy and find the missing "Dragoness" and with it they can restore the Emperor to health and save the Imperium. Other chapters have called it heresy, but the Blood Dragons devotion to the Emperor and the Imperium are unquestionable Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2448468 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted June 29, 2010 Share Posted June 29, 2010 So they have a quest to fulfill, then? Interesting enough. There have been questing Chapters before, but not that many. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2448471 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted June 29, 2010 Author Share Posted June 29, 2010 and the whole Arturius thing is linked to it, he found the ivory tower, that is were he found the sword (tho noone knows this) and its where the marshals weirdness started "the never removing helmets, Marshals being noone has ever heard of, always taking Pendragon as a surname etc. But yea basicly the chapter is on a quest to find the 'Dragoness' whatever it may be to bring order back to humanity and save the Empire. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2448475 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Updated the IA, fixed the issues raised and added the beliefs section, thoughts brothers? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2449848 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bjorn Firewalker Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 What ARE the dragons, anyways? Â In 'A Thousand Sons', Magnus claims, "There are no wolves on Fenris," and Ahriman's shock at seeing a Wulfen, seems to suggest Fenrisian wolves are actually humans-turned-wolves by genetic engineering of the most heretical kind. Would this description apply to the dragons of Duraga? How would the Marines know this, instead of identifying the dragons as a sentient xeno species, and ordering their extermination? (Remember, Magnus claims his immense psychic powers allow him to SEE DNA- you may need to make Arturius a psyker with comparable abilities, to make him willing to LISTEN to what must look like a xeno beast.) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2451430 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted July 8, 2010 Author Share Posted July 8, 2010 Its a cool idea, but the Dragons were around during the dark age of technology (when the "Emperor" first visited) although I suppose they could be something interesting, they are part of whatever race built the Ice fortress and the Queen A.I. The reason I have at the moment for them not being slaughtered is the Prophecy that they hold so sacred, that the "Emperor" ordered the Humans on Duraga to be at peace with the Dragons and only then would they find the secret of the A.I. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2456659 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magnus Thane Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Some very interesting ideas... keep it up! (I especially like how they sided with the BT's!) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2457409 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marshal Rohr Posted July 8, 2010 Share Posted July 8, 2010 Lose the Mando'a Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2457444 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kabuse Posted July 9, 2010 Author Share Posted July 9, 2010 yea I have been meaning to change that, I just haven't found anything to change it to yet and so far noone knew what it was :D Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/203192-ia-the-blood-dragons/page/2/#findComment-2457622 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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