Order of Shadows, Ordo Umbra

[Master of Asgard]

Ok this is my first post on here so be gentle. I scanned the guide to creating your own chapter and I'm aware that I may have broken a few of their guidelines, but I think this is fairly believable.

 

So, without further ado, my home made chapter, The Order of Shadows:

 

Back story

 

Upon the fall of Caliban, as the traitorous Fallen Dark Angels were scattered to the winds of time and space by the Chaos gods, a small band of Loyalist marines set off in immediate pursuit of the Fallen, only taking with them the equipment that they could readily lay their hands on, regardless of their greater duty to defend Terra and the Emperor. After many years spent in and out of warp space, hunting and executing the Fallen and any other Traitor marines who crossed their path, the Astartes began to think about reuniting with their brother Dark Angels. On the eve before setting course, their commander was visited by a mysterious messenger- a Watcher in the Dark.

 

The tidings were grim: the Dark Angels had perceived the marines' pursuit of the Fallen as an act of treachery- they had deserted their Legion, Terra, and the Emperor in their time of greatest need. The small band of marines had been dubbed traitors; excommunicate, and were considered no better than the Fallen who they were hunting.

 

The next day the commander assembled his men, and revealed to them their new mission and their new name- The Order of Shadows. Considering the intervention of the Watchers to be a sign that they acted in the Emperor's Will, The Order took upon themselves the greatest sacrifice. To destroy the shadow of their Legion's secret, they would become one with that shadow, and destroy it from within, even if that meant exile and the enmity of the Imperium and their Brother Astartes.

 

Organisational Structure

 

The original band of marines who set out in pursuit of the Fallen was around 2000 strong. A small company in comparison to a Legion, but a force to be reckoned with nonetheless. Over the centuries, their war of attrition against the forces of Chaos and their abandonment by the Imperium has not been kind to them, and their numbers have dwindled, despite recruiting from their new homeworld. However, because they started out as such a large force, they have had access to specialists such as Librarians, crucial for Warp travel, Apothecaries and Techmarines, who have all passed on their knowledge as best the could down the ages, in order to keep their force functioning.

 

Because of this, complete understanding of these arcane arts is limited. The Order departed the ruins of Caliban in a hurry, stopping only to take with them the equipment they could easily lay their hands on. Every weapon they carry is a relic. They have no access to more advanced forms of technology such as Jump Packs, Terminator Armour and Dreadnoughts, and only limited access to vehicles. They have managed to maintain a small fleet of the reliable Rhinos, but beyond that, their vehicles are very sparse.

 

Homeworld

 

The Ordo Umbra has set up their base of operations on the third moon of a huge gas giant planet, far on the western fringes of the Cygnus Arm of the Galaxy. So remote is this system that the light of the Astronomican is but a faint flicker in the darkness. The nameless moon is constantly on the dark side of the gas giant, and is nestled amongst a huge asteroid field, only navigable by expert pilots. They Astartes have fortified the moon and the surrounding asteroids to a formidable degree, a sign of their paranoia of discovery. Thus hidden and protected, The Order of Shadows has so far escaped the wholesale wrath of the Imperium and their Brother Dark Angels. Those of the Ordo unfortunate enough to be captured by an Interrogator Chaplain have never revealed the location of their home.

 

Despite all odds, the Astartes found a colony of Humans living on this moon, never discovered by the Great Crusade of the Emperor. Eking out a miserable existence, these wretched beings had learnt all they could about the technology left behind on their world, for without the light of their system's Sun, in constant darkness, the failure of their technology meant death. Over the millennia, although not often succeeding in creating new technology, they had gained a certain level of expertise in repairing and maintaining archaic technology, and using their moon's rich mineral wealth, had managed to survive.

 

The arrival of the space marines was a mutually beneficient relationship for the both the native population and the marines. The technology that the Astartes brought with them was a boon for the natives, and they saw this as the tipping point to bring them from obscurity to prosperity. For the Asartes, the natives' ability to decipher technology and the mineral wealth of the moon and the surrounding asteroids was a greatly needed resource for logistical purposes.

 

Geneseed and recruitment

 

The Ordo Umbra shares it's Geneseed with the Dark Angels, from the line of Lion El'Johnson. Therefore it is very pure and stable. The Ordo Umra has managed to keep alive the process of creating new Space Marines, and has a successful recruitment programme from the now growing population of humans living on their homeworld. The human's ability to maintain technology has been a boon for the Marines, without which their weapons, armour and supply lines would soon fall into disrepair. The Order grows slowly, and their existence is precarious. Should the Imperium discover their base of operations, they would quickly be destroyed.

 

Battle Operations and War Cry

 

Periodically, the Order of Shadows will send a strike force from their hidden stronghold, in order to wage war against the forces of Chaos. This will only be done upon consideration, as they must have enough resources to supply each force. Like their Primarch they are not rash, but measured in their approach. They too fight the Long War.

 

In battle they have no War Cry. Each marine knows the gravity of his cause, and needs no reminding about the seriousness of their Order's fragile existence. They fight in silence with the burning knowledge that each enemy death brings them closer to the completion of their overall mission, and that each casualty they suffer is a grave loss.

[Master of Asgard]

Ok so there it is. I hope you like it. I would love to know what I have done right, what I have missed out, how could I improve it, is it one big horrible cliche?

 

Thanks :P

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Wouldn't use the term "Ordo", "Order" yes but the aforementioned is almost always associated with His Holy Inquisition.

[hummus]

cool idea.wish i had thought of it.

2000 space marines sounds like a lot to start the ordo with though.

[Master of Asgard]

Both good points, thanks for the replies.

 

Captain Juan, I might just drop the whole latinised thing all together. I suppose I could say that they formed so far out of the Inquisition's sphere of influence that they didn't even know about them, but it might just end up getting a bit too confusing.

 

Hummus, yes I wasn't really sure how many marines were in a Legion, so I went for a generous amount. This could be toned down a bit in the next cut of the story. But I wanted it to be a significant amount initially.

 

Thanks again!

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

To be honest the whole 'loyalist fallen' has been done before and to my knowledge it's never been done successfully. I think you need to take a long, hard look at just what it is about the 'loyalist fallen' angle that you want for this chapter. Do you want them to have a sense of tragedy? Of being the underdog? Do you want them to be the 'secret good guys' that fight for the Imperium while the Imperium fights them?

 

All these things can be accomplished much, much more easily and efficiently without using the Fallen.

 

 

All that said, I am definitely not the biggest DA fan. In fact I actively dislike them. They are self-obsessed, egotistical 'emo' marines. They are obsessed with their own failures rather than pulling the Imperium as a whole out of the fire and no matter how you spin it they end up the same way in the end.

[Master of Asgard]

Fair enough. To be honest my main reason for starting this army is that I like the models. I wanted to have a kind of chaos-y force, but without daemons and all the silly spikes and horns, who had a brooding robed vibe, but also I couldn't be dealing with super-heavy conversions.

 

At the moment the way I'm making them is a kit-bash between DA, chaos and vanilla marines, with all the chaos stars, horns, imperial aquilas and purity seals removed. I'm mostly keeping the DA insignia unless it has aquila wings.

 

I hear what you're saying and I have heard it said before too, that it's been done before and never successfully, but time will tell! I'm aiming not to get too involved with the main fluff- nobody's carrying any of the Lion's wargear, nobody is secretly Luthor's long-lost grandson or any of that jazz. That would just make it quite ridiculous IMO so I'm trying to keep it relatively simple.

 

This is good advice to try to decide which angle I'm going to portray them as, once I do that there'll be a much more definite direction.

 

Cheers mate!

 

By the way Grey Hunter Ydal, are you responsible for the star map in your sig? If so.... I have no words to say how awesome it is.

[moi_a_mania]

Alright, here we go:

 

1)To destroy the shadow of their Legion's secret, they would become one with that shadow, and destroy it from within, even if that meant exile and the enmity of the Imperium and their Brother Astarte

So they are now a Renegade force, but does this mean that they will be "joining" with Chaos in an effort to destroy them from within or does it mean that they will openly defy the Imperium and continue on their mission?

 

2) "Over the centuries, their war of attrition against the forces of Chaos and their abandonment by the Imperium has not been kind to them, and their numbers have dwindled, despite recruiting from their new homeworld. However, because they started out as such a large force, they have had access to specialists such as Librarians, crucial for Warp travel, Apothecaries and Techmarines, who have all passed on their knowledge as best the could down the ages, in order to keep their force functioning. "

How are their recruits modified to become Marines? How are their vehicles repaired? Where do they get their bullets from? I would suggest making this a little more clear especially with the new recruits. Maybe one out of three make it because the Medical technology is sparse. Maybe they do raids like the Dark Eldar to get ammo, equipment, etc.

 

3) "Those of the Ordo unfortunate enough to be captured by an Interrogator Chaplain have never revealed the location of their home." How did the Watcher in the Dark find your guys? How many of your guys have been captured? How did the Dark Angels know you guys still existed? Have any Inquisitors come knockin'? The follow up on these questions will keep me intriqued.

 

4) "Despite all odds, the Astartes found a colony of Humans living on this moon, never discovered by the Great Crusade of the Emperor. Eking out a miserable existence, these wretched beings had learnt all they could about the technology left behind on their world, for without the light of their system's Sun, in constant darkness, the failure of their technology meant death. Over the millennia, although not often succeeding in creating new technology, they had gained a certain level of expertise in repairing and maintaining archaic technology, and using their moon's rich mineral wealth, had managed to survive."

 

This paragraph bothers me. Not the intent, but the grammar. Maybe I'm being too picky. But let me show you in a different way:

"With the backs against the wall and no place to call home, the Order of Shadows were lucky to find a moon populated by a colony of Humans. These humans never knew of the Great Crusade of the Emperor. They, like the Order of Shadows, had to leave their homeworld and eke out an existence in constant darkness. If not for their uncanny ability in repairing and maintaining their limited, archaic technology, it would have meant death for them." I'm not the greatest writer either, but this captures what you want to say w/o tripping all over yourself.

 

In many ways, your chapter is like the A-Team. Hunted for something they didn't do, but yet still have a valid sense of honor to do what is right while helping the citizens of the Imperium. I would suggest throwing in some examples of battles and close calls with any of the Unforgiven Chapters to give that sense of realism. I would also suggest naming a character or two to give us a feel of how your troops behave and what their situation has led them to become.

 

I like the idea of a Fallen Chapter. I almost did one myself, but I didn't want to limit myself. That's the problem with this type of chapter is limitations. It can only go so far before either the DA and their Successors get you or some lucky green skinned punk takes you out. Good luck.i