Help with fluff

[anush avan]

my brother and i want to start playing warhammer. he wants to play the marines and i want to play the tau. we like the models, and we like that we picked a cool desert color theme for both armies. now we want to come up with the fluff that will pass the smell test with the community. please help.

 

here's the fluff i came up with.

 

Names of major players.

 

Valentius, second Melik of Ruski’oos, – surviving commander of the space marines on the planet.

 

Melece the Cruel, aka, Melece the Idiot – the feudal lord, who commanded the doomed expedition. He is known as the Cruel within his principality due to his, well, cruelty. He is relatively young, and thoroughly insane dictator, with a twinkle of megalomania and grandeur in his eye. He is called the Idiot by the surviving forces stranded on Loudoun 4. More on that later.

 

General Anush Avan Greorgian is in charge of the Purcell Desert theater. That’s me with the Sisters of Tau. Anush Avan has to stop the space marine advance out of the desert and if possible soften up the enemy to the point where a counter attack can be launched to destroy the imperial invaders.

 

Loudoun 4 is an earth sized planet on the outer edges of Tau space. Agents of the imperium have not visited the system for some 2000 years. Loudoun system and the surrounding parsecs (a cube made of 20 x 20 x 20 light years) have been cut off from warp travel by warp storms for a good portion of the last 15,000 years. Loudoun 4 has a population of 12 million that are spread out across 3 of the 4 continents. There are another half a million souls scattered throughout the Loudoun System.

 

These humans are unique in two respects. First, they do not have psychic genes. This is because they eluded mixing with genetically engineered humans that have come to dominate the galaxy since about 8K (or the beginning of warp travel, which was made possible by genetic alterations).

 

Second, they bow down to an obscure Deity they claim created the universe out of love.

 

They managed to stay obscure, thanks to the fact that a majority of them, unknown billions, live in space hulks that rarely settle on planets. When they did settle, they were usually conquered or exterminated by 40K forces. What do you think the Great Crusade before the Heresy was doing?

 

About the humans on Loudoun 4. They are the brains behind the tau technological leaps and bounds that happened within the last thousand years. That’s why their weapons are similar to the tau. They trade with the tau, who in return, offer protected territory for their space hulks. There have been, and continue to be wars between these humans and the tau.

 

Humans of Loudoun 4 have more technological weapons than the tau. Such as the crisis drones that replace heavy suits. They also have crisis suits that are used to board space ships to tear through them. The crisis drones are remote controlled as not to place extra lives in danger. Especially the lives of experienced pilots.

 

The pilots use manned crisis suits when boarding space ships, since remote control is out of the question. Those suits are super souped up. They have broadsides that are faster, have stealth and better armor. Regular suits also have stealth fields and have weapons that are found on thanks, like full size ion cannons, rail guns, and massive plasma cannons that can cut through hulls.

 

The tau have outdated suits that the warrior caste considers a badge of honor to man. Thus, they irrationally sacrifice pilots on battlefields.

 

The story

 

Ten years ago, the warp storms lifted from the Loudoun parsec and the surrounding space. Being relatively near, Melece, in his quest for glory, decided to lead a crusade/booty raid into tau territory through the unprotected gap in what everyone in his court agreed was the underbelly of the tau.

 

He gathered two space marine chapters at 500 man strong each, a sizable imperial guard army and a huge convent of sisters (mainly for entertainment) as well as a good number of support personnel and slaves.

 

It took him 3 years to assemble the army. With the armada, he set out straight for Loudoun. What happened next could only be described as Divine intervention. Everything went wrong. Melece traveled for 6 weeks through the warp, but covered 6 years in real time. On approach to Loudoun, the armada ran into a chaos demon force. A good portion of the attack ships covering transports engaged the demons. For whatever reason, on transport with a detachment of imperial guard dropped out of the warp ahead of everyone else, thus arriving at Loudoun 4 eleven months ahead of everyone else. Without support of attack ships and the rest of the fleet.

 

As dumb luck would have it, Melece’s stepnephew, Uday, commanded the vessel. After assessing sketchy intelligence for 5 minutes that they gathered for only a week in orbit, some lame attempts at diplomacy and boneheaded ultimatums to the locals, he ordered an attack on the planet.

 

Needless to say, the locals manage to repell the invaders at a cost of nearly 5 million people. They kill Uday, capture, interrogate and exterminate the survivors and most importantly, learn about the imperial technology and prepare for the attack.

 

Melece’s fleet drops out of the warp eleven months later, just when the people of Loudoun 4 set up defenses over major population centers, as soon as the transports arrive, they meet stiff resistance. Human crisis teams emerge from the orbiting wreckage of the imperial vessel and begin to burrow deep into the imperial ships and rendering them uninhabitable. Many slaves and imperial guardsmen are lost in orbit. But the majority of the landing parties are shot on the way down to the cities.

 

The two space marine chapters manage to land. But, it is by no means where they intended. As the transport ships approach lower orbit, they are pummeled by concentrated firepower, and turn half a degrees off. That’s enough to send the marines landing 2000 miles away from the nearest population center, in the middle of the Purcell Desert together with a detachment of imperial guard and sisters.

 

Up in space, things are getting nastier. Melece is shocked to his invasion plan unravel. The warships are nowhere to be found. They’re still fighting off demons. In the warp, minutes have passed since the transports dropped out, in real time, months. The marines are in the wrong place and have to slog across the desert without water and little fuel. And the 70% of the imperial guard who make it out of the transport ships burn up in the atmosphere due to bad entries and planetary defenses. All the while his ships are being depressurized by steal broadsides and other nasty stuff.

 

Being a good dictator and a pathetic general, he cuts a third of the surviving fleet, the untouched, and runs to the asteroids to prepare for planetary bombardment. He issues the order to the attack ships still in the warp to meet him outside the solar system in the asteroids to help with the preparations for the annihilation of Loudoun 4, with the marines still on the planet. His attack ships arrive there 2 months later.

 

Once the marines, who remain in space, learn of his orders, two weeks after the invasion, they assassinate Melece and install his even more incompetent second step nephew, Quisay. By this time, the remainder of the fleet free of broadside infestation is a third of the way to the asteroids. They military command halt and begin developing a new strategy of how to rescue the stranded marines. Confusion and political backstabbing reign.

 

When the rest of the battle fleet drop out of the warp and begin working on moving the asteroids into position for a planetary bombardment, they get attacked by the colonists living in space, who have been spared from the fight up to that point. Rather than drop… it’s a cluster :).

 

On the planet, the name of the game is to wait to be rescued. Valentius becomes the overall commander of the marines, after the real commander is gunned down along with a hundred marines by sisters of tau because of their stupid colors a few days after landing. Being ever practical, and having observed the enemy sneak up on them time and again, valentius orders armor and equipment to be camouflaged. That significantly cuts down on marine casualties, saving 600 – 700 marines from quick extermination. Marines, guard and sisters of battle begin to fight under a unified color scheme, while the intrigues shake out in space.

 

The marines establish a base in the desert, organize defenses, and prepare to wait out the onslaught. At this point it is no more than harassing engagements that slowly bleed the numbers. They are spared the full blunt of the human tau attack since the Loudouners are fighting with a massive guard army that landed closer to their cities, as well as ripping the imperial fleet in orbit a new one.

 

This is Landing + 144 days into the campaign. There’re are roughly 600-700 marines on the ground from two chapters under the command of valentius. They are facing a largely an army of crisis drones and human fire warriors.

[Brother Melice]

Dude, stick with the space marines hierarchy within battle campaigns...

and Tau's tech coming from humans is absurd within the 40k grand Fluff...

 

the Idea of an equal alliance between the Tau and a remote human world is fine. But not undermining the Tau in the process.

 

Now about the marines.

 

Merging Two separate chapters into one seems a little awkward in the least... Marines instating a incompetent commander instead of an utter tyrant, that left their battle brothers stranded on planet surface is bogus... After finding out about then treachery of Malice, they would just take over the command.

 

About the marines painting their armor in different color, I personally see no problem there, Death Watch is one example, if one chapter can do it... ANY chapter can do it.

Cheers

[Shinzaren]

Alrighty, lemme see here.

 

About the humans on Loudoun 4. They are the brains behind the tau technological leaps and bounds that happened within the last thousand years. That’s why their weapons are similar to the tau. They trade with the tau, who in return, offer protected territory for their space hulks. There have been, and continue to be wars between these humans and the tau.

 

Nope. You're bucking established GW canon by inserting your planet as the one responsible for the Tau tech. They make their own stuff, and they've developed it themselves.

 

Humans of Loudoun 4 have more technological weapons than the tau. Such as the crisis drones that replace heavy suits. They also have crisis suits that are used to board space ships to tear through them. The crisis drones are remote controlled as not to place extra lives in danger. Especially the lives of experienced pilots.The pilots use manned crisis suits when boarding space ships, since remote control is out of the question.Those suits are super souped up. They have broadsides that are faster, have stealth and better armor. Regular suits also have stealth fields and have weapons that are found on thanks, like full size ion cannons, rail guns, and massive plasma cannons that can cut through hulls. The tau have outdated suits that the warrior caste considers a badge of honor to man. Thus, they irrationally sacrifice pilots on battlefields.

 

The Tau embrace technology with gusto. Why would deliberately sacrifice the lives of their pilots, who take time and money to train, simply b/c they used old suits? They're one of, if not the most tech savvy races in the 40k universe, they would upgrade, replace, or modify their suits I think.

 

He gathered two space marine chapters at 500 man strong each, a sizable imperial guard army and a huge convent of sisters (mainly for entertainment) as well as a good number of support personnel and slaves.

 

Space Marine chapters are a 1000 men strong. Why would two chapters each send fully half their forces? 500 space marines is a mighty mighty force indeed, and a very significant portion of a chapter. They wouldn't follow a guy named, "The Cruel" without a very good reason. Planetary governors have no power to command or compel Space Marines to do anything. Maybe they would send a company strength force, but not half their chapter. If they were lost, that would be a devastating blow to the chapter that would take decades, if not centuries to recover from. Not only that, but the Sisters of Battle,(That's what Convents are these days), are the Militant arm of the Ordo Hereticus, and respond to the orders of Inquisitors, not planetary governors. They especially do not join conquest armadas as "Entertainment."

 

Once the marines, who remain in space, learn of his orders, two weeks after the invasion, they assassinate Melece and install his even more incompetent second step nephew, Quisay. By this time, the remainder of the fleet free of broadside infestation is a third of the way to the asteroids. They military command halt and begin developing a new strategy of how to rescue the stranded marines. Confusion and political backstabbing reign.

 

Marines are a brotherhood closer than blood in most cases, and attempts to destroy their brothers on the planet would not go over well. After they killed Melece, they would not install a puppet leader, they would take command. What used to be an armada, is now a ragtag group fighting a war. And wars are what the Adeptus Astartes are all about. Command would almost naturally fall to them, whether they wanted it or not.

 

On the planet, the name of the game is to wait to be rescued. Valentius becomes the overall commander of the marines, after the real commander is gunned down along with a hundred marines by sisters of tau because of their stupid colors a few days after landing. Being ever practical, and having observed the enemy sneak up on them time and again, valentius orders armor and equipment to be camouflaged. That significantly cuts down on marine casualties, saving 600 – 700 marines from quick extermination. Marines, guard and sisters of battle begin to fight under a unified color scheme, while the intrigues shake out in space.

 

The Space Marines are super human warriors who have done battle in literally every environment and scenario imaginable. I find it hard to believe they would lose an entire company of warriors, because their armor didn't blend in. It's not practical. For one thing, it is really really hard to kill a space marine. Along those lines,

A.) At least a part of the armor would remain chapters colors, so as not to dishonor the chapter, and enrage the war spirits of their armor. Deathwatch does this too, for them it is one of the shoulder guards.

B.) I go back to the above when I said marines wouldn't lose so many men b/c of the paint scheme of their armor. Saying the camo, which does nothing to save them from magnetic, X-ray, infrared, or wide spectrum scans; at least some of which an army as advanced as the Tau probably have, saved the lives of 700 marines is not really practical.

C.)700 marines is a HUGE and ridiculously powerful force, strong enough to take whole planets, and scour systems. That's 70% percent of a full chapter, which is a LOT of death dealing firepower. Unless the Tau are bringing a MASSIVE and truly powerful army, I don't think the Space Marines are going to have any trouble fighting them off, especially with Guard and Sisters of Battle backing them up.

 

The marines establish a base in the desert, organize defenses, and prepare to wait out the onslaught. At this point it is no more than harassing engagements that slowly bleed the numbers. They are spared the full blunt of the human tau attack since the Loudouners are fighting with a massive guard army that landed closer to their cities, as well as ripping the imperial fleet in orbit a new one.

 

As I said earlier, a force of that strength would probably just go ahead and invade the major city centers, and destroy the enemy, especially if they found out the Guard were already trying to do that. Space Marines aren't really the type to wait around getting attacked. They are the "Go forth and conquer" type.

 

And lastly, why are your Tau called the Sisters of Tau? Its not bad or wrong or anything, I was just curious. Are they all female? Does a female Ethereal lead them?(Do those even exist?)

 

Its an interesting campaign, and I appreciate how you are working so hard to tie your tabletop armies to the story, and vice versa, but it needs a little work. Keep at it though

[anush avan]

Humans of Loudoun 4 have more technological weapons than the tau. Such as the crisis drones that replace heavy suits. They also have crisis suits that are used to board space ships to tear through them. The crisis drones are remote controlled as not to place extra lives in danger. Especially the lives of experienced pilots.The pilots use manned crisis suits when boarding space ships, since remote control is out of the question.Those suits are super souped up. They have broadsides that are faster, have stealth and better armor. Regular suits also have stealth fields and have weapons that are found on thanks, like full size ion cannons, rail guns, and massive plasma cannons that can cut through hulls. The tau have outdated suits that the warrior caste considers a badge of honor to man. Thus, they irrationally sacrifice pilots on battlefields.

 

The Tau embrace technology with gusto. Why would deliberately sacrifice the lives of their pilots, who take time and money to train, simply b/c they used old suits? They're one of, if not the most tech savvy races in the 40k universe, they would upgrade, replace, or modify their suits I think.

 

they do, but... they are hogtied by their society and ideology. Follow my reasoning with feudal Japan as an analogy. A tau pilot is promoted from a firewarrior. He's a hero, and piloting a suit is an honor. Having a remote controlled battle suit is insulting to the tau. In feudal Japan, the samurai despised gunpowder, they viewed it as a common footsoldier's weapon. there was no honor in it.

 

I don't see a dynamic, tech obsessed us airforce going up in arms about predator drones or the new stealth bomber BAE systems just unveiled.

 

Mind you, the tau are tech obsessed, however, they let their dogma get in the way of progress... just as the soviets killed off their genetic research because of their dogma.

 

That's where the difference is. The imperium is stuck in Sharia style self stagnation. the Tau are handicapped by their caste system... My army is modeled after the American meritocracy and the value of each life.

 

You're looking at the Tau from my perspective. Unfortunately, I find a lot of shortcomings in the way the Tau are set up. They're like the modern chinese. They love high tech and they value it, except they don't adapt to changing conditions well, they don't create their own tech, they're mired in bureaucracy and a stagnant worldview, they don't value individuality, and creativity that flows out of it, which makes progress possible. The way the tau are described in the codex, the only way they can technologically advance is when they're following a lead of a more advanced race. I'm trying to create one such source the official fluff omitted. Good thing is, official fluff alows the flexibility to do that.

 

He gathered two space marine chapters at 500 man strong each, a sizable imperial guard army and a huge convent of sisters (mainly for entertainment) as well as a good number of support personnel and slaves.

 

Space Marine chapters are a 1000 men strong. Why would two chapters each send fully half their forces? 500 space marines is a mighty mighty force indeed, and a very significant portion of a chapter. They wouldn't follow a guy named, "The Cruel" without a very good reason. Planetary governors have no power to command or compel Space Marines to do anything. Maybe they would send a company strength force, but not half their chapter. If they were lost, that would be a devastating blow to the chapter that would take decades, if not centuries to recover from. Not only that, but the Sisters of Battle,(That's what Convents are these days), are the Militant arm of the Ordo Hereticus, and respond to the orders of Inquisitors, not planetary governors. They especially do not join conquest armadas as "Entertainment."

 

Once the marines, who remain in space, learn of his orders, two weeks after the invasion, they assassinate Melece and install his even more incompetent second step nephew, Quisay. By this time, the remainder of the fleet free of broadside infestation is a third of the way to the asteroids. They military command halt and begin developing a new strategy of how to rescue the stranded marines. Confusion and political backstabbing reign.

 

Marines are a brotherhood closer than blood in most cases, and attempts to destroy their brothers on the planet would not go over well. After they killed Melece, they would not install a puppet leader, they would take command. What used to be an armada, is now a ragtag group fighting a war. And wars are what the Adeptus Astartes are all about. Command would almost naturally fall to them, whether they wanted it or not.

 

true, to a degree. that depends on the political arangement between the marines and the ruling lords. we're all fond of hearing how space marines control worlds and reign free. Is that a reality, though? I find it entirely possible that some chapters my fall under a thumb of a politicaly astute dynasty, complete with blackmail and backstabbing...

 

anyhow, you're making me think about how i can rework that one last bit. i'll have to shorten the fight to 60 days and install marines in command. i'll throw a good revolt by the crew loyal to Melece in there for good measure. The marines have to crush the rebellion in space and overcome the human attackers before they can rescue their stranded brothers.

 

The Space Marines are super human warriors who have done battle in literally every environment and scenario imaginable. I find it hard to believe they would lose an entire company of warriors, because their armor didn't blend in. It's not practical. For one thing, it is really really hard to kill a space marine. Along those lines,

 

Not really, a shot from a hammerhead will fry a marine. I'm basing this off the new concept "if you can see it, you can kill it." given enough table lenth, one three man hammerhead can shadow the marines at 60" until it kills ever last one of them, which would be mere days of gameplay.

 

C.)700 marines is a HUGE and ridiculously powerful force, strong enough to take whole planets, and scour systems. That's 70% percent of a full chapter, which is a LOT of death dealing firepower. Unless the Tau are bringing a MASSIVE and truly powerful army, I don't think the Space Marines are going to have any trouble fighting them off, especially with Guard and Sisters of Battle backing them up.

 

In official imperium propaganda, maybe. On the table top, not even close. The kill ratio I see between marines and orks is around 5-10 to 1. The israilis were averaging 40 to 1 in 1967, the americans average 100's to 1 in Iraq and Afghanistan.

 

The marines establish a base in the desert, organize defenses, and prepare to wait out the onslaught. At this point it is no more than harassing engagements that slowly bleed the numbers. They are spared the full blunt of the human tau attack since the Loudouners are fighting with a massive guard army that landed closer to their cities, as well as ripping the imperial fleet in orbit a new one.

 

As I said earlier, a force of that strength would probably just go ahead and invade the major city centers, and destroy the enemy, especially if they found out the Guard were already trying to do that. Space Marines aren't really the type to wait around getting attacked. They are the "Go forth and conquer" type.

 

Having seen games in person where 60 marines are wiped out by 200 orks, doesn't instill confidence they'd be able to conquer a city of a million. 1000 marines is really not that much.

 

 

And lastly, why are your Tau called the Sisters of Tau? Its not bad or wrong or anything, I was just curious. Are they all female? Does a female Ethereal lead them?(Do those even exist?)

 

I call them sisters of tau, because we plan to take tau firewarriors and convert them to human women, since the stats for sisters of battle and the tau are so similar. Tau fight like girls. Let's build an army around that idea!

[Shinzaren]

You're not in the gameplay forums, you are in the Backround and fluff area. With that in mind, here are a few things.

 

true, to a degree. that depends on the political arangement between the marines and the ruling lords. we're all fond of hearing how space marines control worlds and reign free. Is that a reality, though? I find it entirely possible that some chapters my fall under a thumb of a politicaly astute dynasty, complete with blackmail and backstabbing...

 

anyhow, you're making me think about how i can rework that one last bit. i'll have to shorten the fight to 60 days and install marines in command. i'll throw a good revolt by the crew loyal to Melece in there for good measure. The marines have to crush the rebellion in space and overcome the human attackers before they can rescue their stranded brothers.

 

The Adeptus Astartes are a separate entity from the rest of the Im perium. They literally answer to no one but the Emperor, as voiced by the High Lords of Terra. In the words of Tu'Shan, Master of the Salamanders, "My sword is at the Emperor's Command. I answer to no other man, living or dead." This is especially true of Planetary Governors. For one thing, space marines operate over a wide area, not just one planet. As another, Governors have no real authority off their planets. Space Marines don't answer to governors. Simple as that. Governors are stated in every Codex as having to "request" Space Marine aid, a request that may be denied at any time for literally any reason. Don't insert your views of how 40k works into the universe and claim they're gonna work.

 

Not really, a shot from a hammerhead will fry a marine. I'm basing this off the new concept "if you can see it, you can kill it." given enough table lenth, one three man hammerhead can shadow the marines at 60" until it kills ever last one of them, which would be mere days of gameplay.

 

So the Hammerhead is 5ft away? Why don't the marines just walk over and tear it apart? They're 8ft tall killing machines, 5ft is like one step to them. Hell, with a long sword they could hack it from where they are, toss krak grenades, vaporize it with Meltaguns, pound it with bolter fire, or just leap on it and tear the hatches off and kill the crew.

 

I know you meant 60" on the tabletop, but this shows my point. This isn't the tabletop. I cannot stress that enough. Your actions and story in this forum must be based on official fluff and backround of the universe. Why wouldn't one of the 700 space marines have a melta-bomb and a jump-pack? Why wouldn't one have a missile launcher or a lascannon, or meltagun? The marines would find whatever attacked them, and kill it. That's what they do. Seriously, they really are super human, regardless of how gameplay works.

 

In official imperium propaganda, maybe. On the table top, not even close. The kill ratio I see between marines and orks is around 5-10 to 1. The israilis were averaging 40 to 1 in 1967, the americans average 100's to 1 in Iraq and Afghanistan.

 

Don't use real world references to justify points in 40k. They are so vastly different that they can't be use as comparisons. And again, I cannot cannot cannot stress strongly enough that this is NOT the tabletop. This is the backround and universe. And in that universe 700 Space Marines is a MASSIVELY powerful force. Seriously. That is a system scouring number of troops.

 

Having seen games in person where 60 marines are wiped out by 200 orks, doesn't instill confidence they'd be able to conquer a city of a million. 1000 marines is really not that much.

 

Seriously guy, NOT THE SAME. 1000 marines is enough to change the face and course of entire swathes of space. Read the Codex, as you are making a truly gross miscalculation. In the backround 1000 marines is an unstoppable force. For real, end of story. 1000 marines are going to crush that planet, and evreything else that gets in their way, barring a full Ork Waaagh, Tyranid invasion, or Chaos Fleet. Not much else can go head to head with an entire chapter. It would take a massive Tau armada and army to bring them down, and the casualties the Tau would suffer would be horrendous.

 

I call them sisters of tau, because we plan to take tau firewarriors and convert them to human women, since the stats for sisters of battle and the tau are so similar. Tau fight like girls. Let's build an army around that idea.

 

Maybe I am biased but this seems like a really wasteful idea. Just a bad plan all around. Just stick with the Tau, stop trying to bend fluff to fit your story, instead of bending your story to fit fluff.

 

 

In closing, I can't properly stress how much the tabletop and the universe are different. Do not base what you write and come up with off of tabletop experience. Use the Codex, the Big Black Book, and other PUBLISHED resources. Anything else will result in stuff like what you wrote here, which is not really gonna fit in the universe at all. Just seriously read the backround and stuff. It helps a lot for problems like this. You are vastly underestimating the power, strength, and abilities of Space Marines, all because they don't show it on the tabletop. Just not a good plan man.

[Donkey Kong]

I echo everything Shinzaren said.

 

I'll also post here what I posted in the other thread.

 

It's 2:32 AM in my part of the world.

 

The first thing I will tell you is to re-read everything people have posted above in relation to you first thread.

The second thing I will tell you is to be patient. The Liber community is small, and I mean small. In addition, the Liber community has some of the biggest works to tackle whenever they decide to look at something. Bumping a threat twice in less than five minutes isn't a good impression to make. It is a deterrent for anyone looking for something to comment on since they see a little ADHD kid behind a keyboard expecting, not only the real world, but the entire online community to revolve around them.

 

Now, your fluff, maybe it's because I'm tired, maybe because you've written it like you're trying to tell us the concept of the story, I don't know, could be both. It's a mess, and I got lost so many times I don't know where to begin.

 

Valentius, second Melik of Ruski’oos, – surviving commander of the space marines on the planet.

 

What's a Melik? What is Ruski'oos?

 

General Anush Avan Greorgian is in charge of the Purcell Desert theater. That’s me with the Sisters of Tau.

 

I'm going to go out on a limb and assume that this is a Tau Commander. Tau have different ranks than the Imperium. Next is the fact that Tau don't have auxiliary officers, especially not in command of Tau. Anghkor Prok, the Kroot character, is a rare exception to that rule, standing out as being a kroot that has risen to such a high rank he can command Tau.

 

Next, what are sisters of Tau?

 

Loudoun system and the surrounding parsecs (a cube made of 20 x 20 x 20 light years) have been cut off from warp travel by warp storms for a good portion of the last 15,000 years.

 

Concentrate on your system. Next thing, if the place is surrounded by Warp Storms, how are Tau getting there?

 

Loudoun 4 has a population of 12 million that are spread out across 3 of the 4 continents.

 

Why is the fourth continent uninhabited?

 

There are another half a million souls scattered throughout the Loudoun System.

 

Why are they there? Why should I care? What purpose do they serve?

 

First, they do not have psychic genes. This is because they eluded mixing with genetically engineered humans that have come to dominate the galaxy since about 8K (or the beginning of warp travel, which was made possible by genetic alterations).

 

Source?

 

Second, they bow down to an obscure Deity they claim created the universe out of love.

 

What purpose does this serve?

 

They managed to stay obscure, thanks to the fact that a majority of them, unknown billions, live in space hulks that rarely settle on planets. When they did settle, they were usually conquered or exterminated by 40K forces. What do you think the Great Crusade before the Heresy was doing?

 

How do they get into Space Hulks? What point are you trying to make with the Great Crusade? Why are they on this backwater, and how did they spread so far?

 

About the humans on Loudoun 4. They are the brains behind the tau technological leaps and bounds that happened within the last thousand years. That’s why their weapons are similar to the tau. They trade with the tau, who in return, offer protected territory for their space hulks. There have been, and continue to be wars between these humans and the tau.

 

The Tau Earth Caste are like modern day scientists, constantly creating and experimenting with new technologies. Why are your space hippies able to make weapons that alien masterminds cannot do on their own. Why haven't they been assimilated or exterminated by the Tau?

 

Humans of Loudoun 4 have more technological weapons than the tau. Such as the crisis drones that replace heavy suits. They also have crisis suits that are used to board space ships to tear through them. The crisis drones are remote controlled as not to place extra lives in danger. Especially the lives of experienced pilots.

 

The pilots use manned crisis suits when boarding space ships, since remote control is out of the question. Those suits are super souped up. They have broadsides that are faster, have stealth and better armor. Regular suits also have stealth fields and have weapons that are found on thanks, like full size ion cannons, rail guns, and massive plasma cannons that can cut through hulls.

 

M.I.S.S.

Me, I'm So Super.

 

On top of this, why are space hippies arming themselves in the first place?

 

The tau have outdated suits that the warrior caste considers a badge of honor to man. Thus, they irrationally sacrifice pilots on battlefields.

 

Who is this referring to, the Tau or the space hippies?

 

He gathered two space marine chapters at 500 man strong each, a sizable imperial guard army and a huge convent of sisters (mainly for entertainment) as well as a good number of support personnel and slaves.

 

Why are the Space Marines so understrength? What about fleet assets?

 

It took him 3 years to assemble the army.

 

You expect Sisters of Battle (a convent, no less) and 2 Chapters of Space Marines (1000 Battle Brothers) to wait around 3 years for some pompous general to cut into the underbelly of the Tau?

 

What happened next could only be described as Divine intervention. Everything went wrong. Melece traveled for 6 weeks through the warp, but covered 6 years in real time. On approach to Loudoun, the armada ran into a chaos demon force. A good portion of the attack ships covering transports engaged the demons. For whatever reason, on transport with a detachment of imperial guard dropped out of the warp ahead of everyone else, thus arriving at Loudoun 4 eleven months ahead of everyone else. Without support of attack ships and the rest of the fleet.

As dumb luck would have it, Melece’s stepnephew, Uday, commanded the vessel. After assessing sketchy intelligence for 5 minutes that they gathered for only a week in orbit, some lame attempts at diplomacy and boneheaded ultimatums to the locals, he ordered an attack on the planet.

Needless to say, the locals manage to repell the invaders at a cost of nearly 5 million people. They kill Uday, capture, interrogate and exterminate the survivors and most importantly, learn about the imperial technology and prepare for the attack.

 

1. I honestly hate deus ex machina, especially when it's used in the time travel fashion to give the Tau even more plot armor.

2. What are Chaos Daemons doing that can possibly penetrate Imperial Gellar Fields and if Gellar Fields are penetrated, the ship should be consumed by the warp immediately.

3. How are space hippies repelling Imperial Guardsmen?

4. Where is Uday's tactical staff?

5. Why didn't he just bomb the world when he was done declaring ultimatums?

 

Melece’s fleet drops out of the warp eleven months later, just when the people of Loudoun 4 set up defenses over major population centers, as soon as the transports arrive, they meet stiff resistance. Human crisis teams emerge from the orbiting wreckage of the imperial vessel and begin to burrow deep into the imperial ships and rendering them uninhabitable. Many slaves and imperial guardsmen are lost in orbit. But the majority of the landing parties are shot on the way down to the cities.

 

Deus ex machina, kinda funny how in 11 months the people finish up their defenses. Also kinda funny how the space hippies have suits that are surviving in THE VACUUM OF SPACE. Even funnier how the majority of landing parties are shot down, completely downplaying the Imperium's military might and putting Tau plot armor through roof.

 

The two space marine chapters manage to land. But, it is by no means where they intended. As the transport ships approach lower orbit, they are pummeled by concentrated firepower, and turn half a degrees off. That’s enough to send the marines landing 2000 miles away from the nearest population center, in the middle of the Purcell Desert together with a detachment of imperial guard and sisters.

 

Again, you're doubting Imperial technology. On top of this, how are the Space Marines (who are likely landing by Drop Pod and Thunder Hawk) landing with Guardsmen and Sisters who have their own methods of transportation?

 

Up in space, things are getting nastier. Melece is shocked to his invasion plan unravel. The warships are nowhere to be found. They’re still fighting off demons. In the warp, minutes have passed since the transports dropped out, in real time, months. The marines are in the wrong place and have to slog across the desert without water and little fuel. And the 70% of the imperial guard who make it out of the transport ships burn up in the atmosphere due to bad entries and planetary defenses. All the while his ships are being depressurized by steal broadsides and other nasty stuff.

 

Ships. Don't. Fight. Daemons.

Warp time =/= real time isn't a constant, it isn't going to be like that all the time, it's usually faster, hence why it's used.

Even more emphasis on Tau plot armor.

Imperial ships > Tau ships, this is a given. Tau have missiles, Imperial ships have missiles plus lances, turbolasers, etc. Tau should be getting slaughtered.

 

Being a good dictator and a pathetic general, he cuts a third of the surviving fleet, the untouched, and runs to the asteroids to prepare for planetary bombardment. He issues the order to the attack ships still in the warp to meet him outside the solar system in the asteroids to help with the preparations for the annihilation of Loudoun 4, with the marines still on the planet. His attack ships arrive there 2 months later.

 

You've contradicted your Melece the Cruel. Where is the untouched fleet coming from? Why in the world is he moving into asteroids? Terra is the solar system, everything else is its own system. Loudoun system would be the appropriate name here. More time travel.

 

Once the marines, who remain in space, learn of his orders, two weeks after the invasion, they assassinate Melece and install his even more incompetent second step nephew, Quisay. By this time, the remainder of the fleet free of broadside infestation is a third of the way to the asteroids. They military command halt and begin developing a new strategy of how to rescue the stranded marines. Confusion and political backstabbing reign.

 

Marines don't assassinate, they execute and take charge. By this time the Astartes would be taking charge. Politics are for generals, business like this is where the Astartes should be reigning order. The Imperium isn't a messed up, please stop treating it as such.

 

On the planet, the name of the game is to wait to be rescued. Valentius becomes the overall commander of the marines, after the real commander is gunned down along with a hundred marines by sisters of tau because of their stupid colors a few days after landing. Being ever practical, and having observed the enemy sneak up on them time and again, valentius orders armor and equipment to be camouflaged. That significantly cuts down on marine casualties, saving 600 – 700 marines from quick extermination. Marines, guard and sisters of battle begin to fight under a unified color scheme, while the intrigues shake out in space.

 

I still don't know what Sisters of Tau are.

I'm still annoyed with you not grasping the stupid colors concept. Marines are knights in shining armor, the colors are their heraldry. For many, camouflage is the color of weakness.

I'm confused as to where and how Marines are getting camouflage materials in the middle of a desert.

I'm confused as to how you expect these Sisters to sneak up on marines who are equipped with the finest armor and equipment in the Imperium. The standard Auspex alone is probably better than the MW2 Heartbeat sensor, and Marines should be more than aware of their surroundings.

 

The marines establish a base in the desert, organize defenses, and prepare to wait out the onslaught. At this point it is no more than harassing engagements that slowly bleed the numbers. They are spared the full blunt of the human tau attack since the Loudouners are fighting with a massive guard army that landed closer to their cities, as well as ripping the imperial fleet in orbit a new one.

 

How are the marines doing this exactly? More importantly, why? Marines don't wait, marines are shock troops, what are they doing about ammunition, why aren't they trying to establish communications with the other Imperial forces? What makes you think that Tau are capable of ripping the Imperium a new one in orbital combat?

 

crisis drones and human fire warriors.

 

I'm assuming the crisis drones are your remote controlled techno-miracles?

Human fire warrior is a direct contradiction. Fire Caste is part of the Tau system. Humans, along with every other race besides the Tau, is an auxiliary.

 

And here's just the piece of advice I'm going to give before I get an answer:

If Sisters of Tau are traitor Sisters of Battle, drop the idea immediately. Sisters don't betray the Emperor. There is a single recorded exception who has fallen to Chaos, other than that Sisters are less likely to betray the Imperium than Space Marines, ranking right below Grey Knights in purity. Don't try and make exceptions to a clean cut rule.

 

It's now 3:22 AM.

[Ace Debonair]

Allow to add to the well-intentioned voices of my battle-brothers here by directing you to read the DIY chapter guide at the top of the Liber Astartes forum.

 

It's lengthy, but well worth the time it takes to read it. Following the guidelines in there will help you produce a good and workable Chapter.

 

You're not short of creativity, which is good, you just need to channel it in the right direction - and that's what this guide can help you do. :D

[Brother Melice]

Amen Battle Brother

[anush avan]

seeing how this is not passing the fluff smell test very well,

 

how would you improve it?

 

this is roughly how the marines will be sculpted

 

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4095/4797005334_38b9b454e2_b.jpg

 

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4081/4796376483_d605b0e709.jpg

 

this will roughly be their color scheme

 

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4095/4796376519_61ef825e87_b.jpg

 

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4094/4792471258_f1aa6e3b53_b.jpg

 

http://farm5.static.flickr.com/4120/4792471764_79be38fd58_b.jpg

 

++ Sorry, no Xenos mages allowed - Ferrata ++

 

we've decided on the look of the army. that's settled. we just want to make the fluff fit. the stuff i wrote earlier is my best crack at it, what would you change to make it more in line with official propa.... i mean cannon?

[Espada Azul]

The easiest answer? Read the Liber Astartes DIY Guide. Like everyone and his battle-brother have been advocating since the initial post.

 

Quickly followed by the hilariously informative Case Study on DIY Chapter Creation in the Librarium.

[The 13th Goat]

My two cents...

 

Loudoun 4 is an earth sized planet on the outer edges of Tau space. Agents of the imperium have not visited the system for some 2000 years. Loudoun system and the surrounding parsecs (a cube made of 20 x 20 x 20 light years) have been cut off from warp travel by warp storms for a good portion of the last 15,000 years. Loudoun 4 has a population of 12 million that are spread out across 3 of the 4 continents. There are another half a million souls scattered throughout the Loudoun System.

 

Meaning they were obscured even before the Emperor was kicking round with crusades. If you do want to go down this route, i would play this up more, but Tau have been active since about M38 with expansions kicking off in M40.

 

These humans are unique in two respects. First, they do not have psychic genes. This is because they eluded mixing with genetically engineered humans that have come to dominate the galaxy since about 8K (or the beginning of warp travel, which was made possible by genetic alterations).

 

Warp influence creates pychers, not genetical engineering. If they have been in a warp storm for the last 15 000 years, this is impossible. Planets in warp storms are overrun with deamons and twisted beyond comprehension. Your messing with established fluff and toying with Grimdark, which is a no no when establishing fluff as supported here on B&C.

 

Second, they bow down to an obscure Deity they claim created the universe out of love.

 

And the Eccleisiarch would instantly brand them heratics and sendin the Sisters.....

 

They managed to stay obscure, thanks to the fact that a majority of them, unknown billions, live in space hulks that rarely settle on planets. When they did settle, they were usually conquered or exterminated by 40K forces. What do you think the Great Crusade before the Heresy was doing?

 

I'm confussed, is this the original inhabitants were talking about here? Who is this paragraph for?

 

About the humans on Loudoun 4. They are the brains behind the tau technological leaps and bounds that happened within the last thousand years. That’s why their weapons are similar to the tau. They trade with the tau, who in return, offer protected territory for their space hulks. There have been, and continue to be wars between these humans and the tau.

 

That would make no sense, and won't fly here. This needs to go.

 

Humans of Loudoun 4 have more technological weapons than the tau. Such as the crisis drones that replace heavy suits. They also have crisis suits that are used to board space ships to tear through them. The crisis drones are remote controlled as not to place extra lives in danger. Especially the lives of experienced pilots.

 

Your totally messing with established cannon here. It really cheapens the story, in the sense that you arn't working within the realistic parameters of the 40k universe AS WE know it. Archotech such as that would make it more advanced than Mars. If that is the case, how come the rest of the universe lost its tech? Do they have SCT stashed somewhere? And if they are replicators of ancient tech, what about their Titans?

 

The pilots use manned crisis suits when boarding space ships, since remote control is out of the question. Those suits are super souped up. They have broadsides that are faster, have stealth and better armor. Regular suits also have stealth fields and have weapons that are found on thanks, like full size ion cannons, rail guns, and massive plasma cannons that can cut through hulls.

 

A lot of detail for a background race? You are collecting Marines arn't you?

 

The tau have outdated suits that the warrior caste considers a badge of honor to man. Thus, they irrationally sacrifice pilots on battlefields.

 

This makes little sense? Why with outdated armour would they just rush in? It flys in the face of both common sense and Tau characteristics.

 

 

 

The two space marine chapters manage to land. But, it is by no means where they intended. As the transport ships approach lower orbit, they are pummeled by concentrated firepower, and turn half a degrees off. That’s enough to send the marines landing 2000 miles away from the nearest population center, in the middle of the Purcell Desert together with a detachment of imperial guard and sisters.

 

Up in space, things are getting nastier. Melece is shocked to his invasion plan unravel. The warships are nowhere to be found. They’re still fighting off demons. In the warp, minutes have passed since the transports dropped out, in real time, months. The marines are in the wrong place and have to slog across the desert without water and little fuel. And the 70% of the imperial guard who make it out of the transport ships burn up in the atmosphere due to bad entries and planetary defenses. All the while his ships are being depressurized by steal broadsides and other nasty stuff.

 

I think your over estimating the power of Crisis suits and Tau tech, and vastly under estimating an Imperial War vessel. The would wipe the floor with small battle suits.

 

Being a good dictator and a pathetic general, he cuts a third of the surviving fleet, the untouched, and runs to the asteroids to prepare for planetary bombardment. He issues the order to the attack ships still in the warp to meet him outside the solar system in the asteroids to help with the preparations for the annihilation of Loudoun 4, with the marines still on the planet. His attack ships arrive there 2 months later.

 

Once the marines, who remain in space, learn of his orders, two weeks after the invasion, they assassinate Melece and install his even more incompetent second step nephew, Quisay. By this time, the remainder of the fleet free of broadside infestation is a third of the way to the asteroids. They military command halt and begin developing a new strategy of how to rescue the stranded marines. Confusion and political backstabbing reign.

 

Going into enemy territory to secure tech means two definates; both the Mechanicum, and the Inquisition are present, the latter either known or not. The Big I would take command instantly if it panned out this way. If not, the Marines wold take instant command. That is certain.

 

When the rest of the battle fleet drop out of the warp and begin working on moving the asteroids into position for a planetary bombardment, they get attacked by the colonists living in space, who have been spared from the fight up to that point. Rather than drop… it’s a cluster :pinch:.

 

On the planet, the name of the game is to wait to be rescued. Valentius becomes the overall commander of the marines, after the real commander is gunned down along with a hundred marines by sisters of tau because of their stupid colors a few days after landing. Being ever practical, and having observed the enemy sneak up on them time and again, valentius orders armor and equipment to be camouflaged. That significantly cuts down on marine casualties, saving 600 – 700 marines from quick extermination. Marines, guard and sisters of battle begin to fight under a unified color scheme, while the intrigues shake out in space.

 

Way overpowering your humans, vastly under estimating Marines in general. Keeping in mind a single company can dominate a planet, you have near enough a chapter of Astartes getting their arse kicked? Not likely by Tau, almost unheard of by humans. This needs to addressed.

 

The marines establish a base in the desert, organize defenses, and prepare to wait out the onslaught. At this point it is no more than harassing engagements that slowly bleed the numbers. They are spared the full blunt of the human tau attack since the Loudouners are fighting with a massive guard army that landed closer to their cities, as well as ripping the imperial fleet in orbit a new one.

 

This is Landing + 144 days into the campaign. There’re are roughly 600-700 marines on the ground from two chapters under the command of valentius. They are facing a largely an army of crisis drones and human fire warriors.

 

Personal opinion, scrap humans and make it Tau. Their really is no benifit of them being human, and it breaks cannon. You have a whole basket full of things to re-work here.

 

 

Merging Two separate chapters into one seems a little awkward in the least.

 

Agreed. If this was a temporary solution ok, but a perminant one out of the question. The Imperium wouldn't allow it, and they wouldn't want too. Its a pride thing.

 

About the marines painting their armor in different color, I personally see no problem there, Death Watch is one example, if one chapter can do it... ANY chapter can do it.

 

Deathwatch are not a chapter, there a task force. And its temporary and done in a ritual. Just repainting for camo would not happen. After all, why don't other chapters use camo? Simply because they don't need to. Their gods of war, not guardsmen of meh....