MrCasperTom Posted July 10, 2010 Share Posted July 10, 2010 Author notes: I say first draft but I did get engrossed in writing it, I don't like doing things in half :lol: . Its an idea that has been buzzing around my head for a couple of weeks so I decided it was time to get it down on paper and here, when linked the forum, seemed a perfect place for critque. So, onwards! [b; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">The Night Hounds[/b] http://i685.photobucket.com/albums/vv216/MrCasperTom/spacemarine.jpg The Night Hounds were founded during the 22nd founding. While it is commonly believed that the Night Hounds are a Raven Guard successor, often due to their tactics, they are actually a successor of the White Scars. Due to the upsurge in uprisings during the Age of Apostasy, as well as many other threats encroaching after their founding, the Night Hounds were pushed into action relatively soon after their founding, operating in putting down rebellions and other occurrences that did no require the massive hammer blow that was the Imperial Guard or required a quick settlement. It is most likely during such times, and the necessity of operating in smaller contingents, that the first chapter master, Igran Di’Lant, was influenced to develop the tactics that are used by the Night Hounds to this day. Homeworld Relox http://i685.photobucket.com/albums/vv216/MrCasperTom/400_F_1702828_XzoPn2UNlVtHeqf3wyZSL.jpg Ihe world they now call home, the world known of Relox, was the world in which the chapter were first put to the test. Having overthrown Imperial rule and sided with Vandire during the turmoil the world refused to accept Imperial rule. As such the newly formed and trained Night Hounds, being the closest force at the time, mobilised to bring the rebels to justice. After the initial landings the rebels were pushed back to the world’s hive cities and the governor’s seat of power. Utilising contact with pro-Imperium forces and cells within the city itself the Night Hounds managed to infiltrate the city space marine by space marine over a period of a year until a small force of marines were positioned in the city itself, hidden from the rebels eyes. Springing their trap the pro-Imperial cells attacked key defences and installations, opening the way for the Night Hounds to gain access to the city itself and topple the rebel governor. Once this had been achieved the world itself fell into step. The Night Hounds were given stewardship of the world and permitted to build a fortress monastery on it. The world of Relox breeds people who are perfect recruits for the Night Hounds. Relox is an ice world, similar to worlds such as Fenris, but is still inherently useful to the Imperium due to the supply of minerals and other such materials that can be mined from its surface. What is peculiar about the world is the noticeable difference between the two forms of livings that are earned on the world; the hive cities and those that live on the ice plains. Relox is home to four hive worlds. Each city acts as a mining town as well as that of a hive city for they are built on seams of minerals that are valuable commodities to the Imperium and are sold off world. Alongside this communities are present of the ice plains themselves. Left to fend off the beasts and perils that exist on these plains it is by some twist of fate that the very beasts that threaten these peoples existence are the reason that they are there; the meat and skins are sold to the hive cities to be used by its populace However the greatest commodity that the world offers is the people it breeds; hardy, strong and willing to face dangers to survive Relox provides a perfect stock for space marines. Like the splits between the hive dwellers and ice dwellers the world produces two types of potential marines - those from the hive’s gangs and those from who proposer on the plains. It is perhaps not unpredictable that many, if not most, of the space marine recruits are gathered from those who live on the ice plains. However, it is known that some of the marines live in the underhives, secretly observing the gangs, even sometimes encouraging rival warfare, in order to select the choicest recruits. Of course the mixing of these two different cultures, as well as rival gang recruits, can cause trouble between recruits but this is quickly stamped out by the mentors. The southern pole is where the fortress monastery dwells. Situated in the middle of the Crystal Forest (a labyrinth of glaciers and towering ice mountains) it presents not only a formidable obstacle against invaders but also a way of separating the Night Hounds from the surrounding world and its populace. Like everything else in their nature the Night Hounds are an enigma to the average Relox citizen, rarely appearing and even then only numbering in their single figures and always seen either collecting the wounded or in the presence of the governor. The Crystal Forest itself provides a training ground for the potential marines. Throughout the Forest caves, carved from the ice and built into a form fitting a training ground, are used to train the recruits in all aspects of war. The recruits are also forced to travel between these caves by their own accord, offered little but cursory directions. Combat Doctrine While most of the Night Hounds doctrine follows the tenants of the Codex Astartes there is a noticeable difference; the cultivation of mortal warriors for use in infiltration cells across the Imperium. The doctrine itself developed from the first days of battle on Relox. Realising the potential of cultivating small cells of pro-Imperium forces amongst foes and the even greater extent of placing battle brothers behind enemy lines, the Night Hounds foster sets of infiltration units consisting of battle brothers and non-marine warriors. It is not uncommon for scout units to be assigned to these cells as well, as means of teaching infiltration and battle tactics. What this amounts to is a vein of secrecy running through the chapter. Rather then merely dropping troops on top of the foe these cells are sent in to infiltrate the foes cities, their infrastructure while remaining low and hiding those accompanying battle brothers within the foes homes. When the time comes these cells reveal themselves, strike at the foes defences as the chapter marches on their front door. This allows an assault from two directions, leaving the foes to fall like wheat before a scythe. This tactic is mainly used when a warzone falls to a war of attrition, a foe’s defences are too strong or when the Night Hounds themselves do not have enough force to subject the foe through merely force alone. Often these cells will work in the enemy camp while the Imperiums other forces are engaged in trench warfare or sieges. In some aspects it is exactly what the Astartes were built for; striking at the weak points of the foe before they have the chance to fight back. The cells themselves are also known to land well before the battle companies transfer into systems, sometimes years ahead of any planned attack by Imperial forces. It is this that often worries Inquisitors and other outside organisations; the seemingly far each these cells have and the potential for these cells to rest in Imperium organisations. Regardless there is little evidence to suggest that this method is not effective; the projections of a war’s length have fell by years, or even decades, after the intervention of the Night Hounds as well as loses for the chapter being far lower then any theorised. Of course the nature of secrecy and the apparent rash actions of the Night Hounds often brings them in conflict with other organisations, with one reported case of Chapter Master Di’Lant nearly coming to blows with the Chapter Master of the Twilight Guard. Of course this tactic is not always practical. While it has been put to good effect against many foes, both Xenos and Human, one cannot disguise himself as an Ork or infiltrate an Eldar Craftworld. As such the Night Hounds still fight like any other marine chapter, with the majority of their brothers taking the lives of the Emperor enemies by chainsword and bolter on the frontlines Organisation As dictated in the Codex Astartes the chapter’s organisation consist of 9 companies but does not have a dedicated scout company. Instead scout contingents are assigned to one of the nine companies from the start and it is eventually these companies they are assigned to once they earn their Black Carapace. However this is where the deviation from the Codex comes into play. Brother Ilthor Brother Ilthor is something of an enigma in the chapter. Having served for three hundred years, with half of these being part of the ‘Haunting Spectres’ Shadow Hound cell, he declined the offer of ascending to command the 4th company and instead requested to fill the role of overseeing the Shadow Hound in place of the late Brother Pelthaus. To say he has done wonders with the Shadow Hounds would be an understatement. Not only has his organised these into more efficient fighting forces by introducing a new training regime, he has also developed them into a much more forward thinking force, pushing them years ahead of potential targets for Imperial liberation and assaults, as well as smoothing over relations with some of the more vocal Inquisitions opponents to the Shadow Hounds. This is in addition to he continued service in the Shadow Hounds, with mounting victories and valorous deeds added by the dozen. Now approaching 450 years of service many whisper that he will be the next chapter master upon the eventual demise of Chapter Master Atrel. However, others argue that he would decline even this request, content with the role he sits in now. Regardless he is treated with all the respect and status of a space marine captain, even if he does not own such a title. In place of the tenth company is an infrastructure of infiltration cells. Captaincy of this infrastructure belongs to Brother Ilthor, although no official title is granted to him. These cells are either assigned to one of the companies when such tactics can be utilised, sent of on missions to infiltrate further targets of the Night Hounds wrath, accompanying, secret of course, Imperial battle groups/crusades or ‘loaned’ to the Inquisition. The latter happens only in rare cases and has happened only a handful of times in the chapters history, with the majority of these occurring recently. It is often proposed that this was a move by Brother Ilthor in order to placate those who decried the Night Hound’s doctrine as bordering on heretical and following the path of the Alpha Legion. The Shadow Brethren The infiltration cells that the Night Hounds have used to such a worthwhile effect on many occasions consist of a portion of the battle brothers of the chapter but their numbers of mostly made up of non-marine warriors. Mortals who the chapter have selected over the years, either too old or not quite meeting the standards to be selected as a potential marine themselves, they are armed, trained and taught how to act in secrecy. The name ‘Shadow Brethren’ comes from the designation that developed for the battle brothers who dedicated themselves to these cells, in reference to their nature of hiding in the shadows and striking when needed. Like every chapter, many scouts and battle brothers, find themselves best suited to a specialisation. The name subsequently carried over as a reference to the cells themselves and is often the term used for them. For the mortal members of these cells they often refer to their Astartes masters as ‘Shadow Brethren’ while referring to themselves as a variety of things, depending on the cell in question. It is often during scout training that these battle brothers are identified. A common practise is to assign small scout contingents to these cells, not only to identify those brothers who will serve in the cells in the future but also to learn from the veterans of the cells. Due to the cells nature those who serve in them tend to live longer then other marines of the Night Hounds chapter. As such the marine tend to have a wealth of knowledge of combat tactics, having served on the front lines like every marine but also having decades, or even centuries, to hone their skills, combined with their expertise in infiltration. Due to this every scout has an instance of rotation through at least one cell action which, while often extending the period of time over which a scout is trained, hones the new battle brothers into all purposes marines. The mortals who form the majority of these cells are an integral part of the cells’ actions. While the marines provide the fighting force of the cells as well as their presence, even if their nature remains hidden, being a persuasive force, the mortals provide the very means to enact full damage versus the foes. They infiltrate traitors command and infrastructure, posing as advisors, workers or whatever else is needed in the area they infiltrate, they blend in with the populace at heart. Others contact those who support the Imperium or those who are happy to stir up trouble, regardless of who they are fighting for. On the rebel world of Haseth II it was the actions of two mortal cell members who slew the traitor leader and her command structure before fleeing, leaving the way open for the Brother marine cell members to enforce their rule before the Imperial Guard regiments arrived to liberate the world. The cell members themselves are drawn from every world that the Night Hounds find themselves on and trained in the art of infiltration. Many of the aspects of this training is the same of the training experienced by neophytes, but more focus is placed on covert operations as well as generally arms efficiency training. What this breeds is a collection of hard bitten individuals who thrive in secrecy and covert warfare, utterly dedicated to the chapter that give them purpose, the marines and fellows who protect them and the Imperium they fight for. History After emerging from the aftermath of the Age of Apostasy, as well as their first battles, and still refining their newly developed tactics the Night Hounds threw themselves into the fires of war. Chapter Master Di’Lant split the chapter into two contingents; the battle companies and those newly formed cells, with mortal members drawn from those pro-Imperium cells found on Relox and other words like it. This was to maintain the secrecy of these cells while they were put to the test as well as putting the chapter to full use. Following a series of successful engagements, both for the battle company brothers as well as the cell brother, who were now christened ‘The Shadow Brethren’, the chapter sought new theatres of war. Holding back an Orc WAAAGH! from encroaching on Imperial space and stopping Eldar attacks from capturing several worlds, the Night Hounds received transmissions that offered them the chance to test their full capabilities. It seems that a the Neofeltez sector was under attack from traitor forces, but from an internal threat rather then an external one. It seemed that the traitor marines were at large in the sector and two out of the six worlds had already overthrown Imperial rule while a third was besieged by traitor ground forces. The other three feared that insurgents would rise up against them and so pleas of help were sent to whoever could hear. Sending ‘Shadow Brethren cells’ ahead of the main fleet, these landed on all six of the planets in an effort to establish themselves; a much harder task on those worlds held by the traitors. The main chapter force landed on the besieged world, as well as element landing on the sector ‘crown jewel plant’ Neofelax where PDF forces, reinforced by sporadic off world traitor forces, had began trying to take hold. Meanwhile the cells established on all six worlds fought in a covert game of cat and mouse against the traitor occupants of the world and Chaos cultists operating on the still loyal worlds. The Slaying Of Krelthus Brother Utar commanded the Shadow Hound cell known as the ‘Undying Vengeance’. Having served for 200 years in such a position his last take as part of a counter operation against Alpha Legion cells, during which he is recorded as claiming the lives of seven traitor marines himself. His service came to an end upon the world Quilthus during the assassination of the Alpha Legion commander, Krelthus. Having slain Krelthus and his bodyguard, Utar and his cell were caught between rebel PDF forces and the brothers of Krelthus. Standing on the steps of a defiled temple of the Emperor, Utar and his men screamed their last battle cries before falling at the hands of the traitors. The picture of Utar holding the banner, surrounding by the dying members of his cell, was broadcast to the Night Hounds fleet and is now captured in stone in the fortress monastery, along with the names of those in the cult who fell that day. Ultimately the cults were driven from the two still loyal worlds after years of hard fighting, helped significantly by the emergence of Inquisitor presence and the actions of mutual co-operation between the two. It is certainly here that was the first time anyone Imperial organisation outside of the Night Hounds gained knowledge of these cells. However this contact not only cemented the belief in the Night Hounds that they were right in their actions, for surely they would have been sanctioned if their actions were wrong, but also allowed them to develop and learn tactics from the Inquisitions own methods. The main force of the Night Hounds drove the traitors presence from Neofelax and the other besieged world but the two traitor occupied worlds proved a harder task. Ultimately the actions of the cults opened the way for the Imperial Guard reinforcements to liberate the world of Yujul while the sacrifice of Brother Utar and his cell members brought down the Krelthus’, commander of the traitor marine forces, and orbital defences of the hive city on the Quilthus, opening the way for an orbital assault on the city itself by the Night Hounds and subsequent liberation of the world. Following the success of the Neofeltez campaign, the chapter continued to string together a series of victories, both for the chapter and the Shadow Brethren. Little is recorded of these battles outside of the chapters own annals due to their relative unimportance to the Imperium as a whole but the chapter was content in their service to the Imperium. The Shadow Brethren came in contact with several Inquisition members throughout this time, although they were never sanctioned for their actions and in fact willingly worked alongside these factions when presented the opportunity. It is also during this time period that the Shadow Brethren began accounting cults of the Alpha Legion, which not only increased the strength of effectiveness of the Shadow cells by revealing their flaws against the greater experience of the Alpha Legion. It is not until contacts with the Tau began that the Night Hounds again showed prominence in Imperial annals. With worlds falling to the Tau’s advance and reports of humans defect to the ‘Greater Good’ the Night Hounds moved to intercept Tau advance and confirm such claims for themselves. Upon finding out the truth behind these allegations, cells were interspersed within those worlds under direct threat from the Tau advance; ‘siding’ with the Tau once their worlds were taken. Acting covertly they went about their business until Imperial force, along with elements of the Night Hound forces, arrived to reclaim these worlds. It was at this point that they revealed their true allegiance, opening the way for landings for Imperial forces on several worlds. Saint Tristan The events at Saint Tristan are just one of a list of times when the actions of the Night Hounds have bought reproach from other Imperial organisations. Attacking a world which the sector commanders had marked as too well defended for present forces, their actions provoked massive outcries to halt their assault, both from Imperial Guard commanders and other space marine chapters. The words of the Captain of the Third, Pius Lethran, moments before the drop are recorded to this day: "Why? I don't see any defences." The world of Saint Tristan, renamed Se’Tep’Ra by the Tau, is of notable prominence due to the nature of the victory on it. Overcoming greater defences that other Imperial force shied away from attacking, the Night Hounds lay waste to Tau forces and received far less casualties then expected, due to the work of the cells located on the planet. The greatest impact came when Brother Iporal was seen snapping a Tau Ethereal over his knee, with the image broadcasted across the planet (although it was later recorded that this was not the first known kill of a Tau Ethereal), throwing the Tau into disarray. Before the emergence of the thirteenth Black Crusade the Second and Fourth company are known to be embattled against the threat of an Ork WAAAAGH, the Fith, Sixth and Seventh are recorded as operating in several engagements and liberations of traitor worlds and the other elements of the chapter are either stationed near, or on, their home world. Elements of the First, Third and Eighh companies, as well as the Ninth company, as reported in operation against various other threats to valuable worlds and sectors.. The actual reality is many elements of the Shadow Brethren are on various worlds in the Jorital sector, operating against Alpha Legion cults as well as two Shadow Hound cults (their designation being that of ‘Midnight Wolves’ and ‘Bloodied Talons’) being known to be currently operating with the Inquisition. Beliefs Like all Astartes, the Night Hounds view the Emperor as the pinnacle of humanity and the Primarchs of being of great purpose and beings to respect and show the correct reverence to. The Night Hounds also believe in the sacrifice of life so the Imperium can survive. While some chapters are known to preserve life at risk of themselves, the Night Hounds are willing to sacrifice lives in order to fulfil their mission. They take the view that ten thousands lives sacrificed in order to do the Emperor’s work is better then a million lives saved instead of the ultimate goal of success. While this does not mean they are cheap with life, for the lives of their cell members and battle brothers are valued beyond measure, The Night Hounds have been known to stir up the populace of a world in order to throw them at the guns of the foe merely in order to maintain their cover and distract the foes eyes from their own work. This view is embedded in their belief of the sustaining of the Imperium above all else. While they do not go as far as to be believe that mankind is the pinnacle of evolution across the galaxy, the know that only the strongest will survive in the universe and they fight to prove that the Imperium is just that, by taking life after life until nothing stands in their way. Battle Cry “Death Greets You!” Interestingly this cry has been adopted by mortal members of the infiltration cells. It has been reported to the chapter’s chaplains that many cell members have taken to whispering this those whose throats they slit while on covert operations or cried at the foe during open combat when cells reveal themselves. This is seen as another sign that the cell members are dedicated to the chapter. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund Himself Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Welcome to the B&C and to the Liber :) And what an entry! The Night Hounds history can be traced back to their founding after the events The Age of Apostasy. While it is commonly believed that the Night Hounds are a Raven Guard successor, often due to their tactics, the actual chapter from which their gene seed is derived is unknown by the Imperium and the Night Hounds themselves. We don't know the date of the 22nd Founding so I would be careful with putting all these causes on them being founded close after the Age of Apostasy. I would also just name a geneseed, being mysterious doesn't really add much to the chapter. And although plot armour seems to be protecting the Blood Ravens from having heir geneseed named, the Mechanicus should really be able to find out what lineage your chapter is because of the geneseed tithes every chapter must send in. Ironically the homeworld of the Night Hounds is not the world from which the original marines of the chapter were drawn from. That seems to be the general situation for most chapter and so this is probably not worth mentioning. The Night Lords were given stewardship of the world and permitted to build a fortress monastery on it. Lords? ;) And the marines generally claim worlds through right of conquest so I'm not sure 'permitted' and 'given' are the best words to use. The world itself if one wrapped in permanent cold. Relox is an ice world, similar to worlds such as Fenris, but is still inherently useful to the Imperium due to the supply of minerals and other such materials that can be mined from its surface. The first sentence here is redundant. Relox is home to four hive worlds. The largest is situated at the northern pole (with the fortress monastery situated at the southern pole) while the other three are found at key spots across the surface of the world. Each city acts as a mining town as well as that of a hive city for they are built on seams of minerals that are valuable commodities to the Imperium and are sold off world. Those that live on the ice plains do so in a large community that is found between the hive cities themselves. Left to fend off the beasts and perils that exist on these plains it is by some twist of fate that the very beasts that threaten these peoples existence are the reason that they are there; the meat and skins are sold to the hive cities to be used by its populace. In effect this supports the cities while the cities help support those who live on the plains. I think there is just a bit too much detail here or too many words. Particularly the second sentence seems a bit of a waste. While formed to follow the tenants of the Codex Astartes and, from the outside, seeming to do just that, the Night Hounds are something of a different breed to many space marine chapters. In fact a few Inquisitors whisper that their actions and doctrines are akin to that of the Alpha Legion and nothing good can come from their actions. The first sentence doesn't make a huge amount of sense to me. I would also try to steer clear of any direct references to the Alpha Legion. I've been trying to thrash out my own DIY chapter that uses similar tactics to the Alphas and your boys, and if you mention the Alpha Legion, people immediately discount them as merely 'loyalist Alpha Legion'. Forming an assault from two directions, the foe often finds itself unable to do anything but fall like wheat before a scythe. Forming? I would also remove the underlined part (and make the necessary adjustments) as it merely extends the sentence without adding relevant detail. In some aspects it is exactly what the Astartes were built for; to take the fight to the enemy, even if that fight is done away from seeing eyes. I know what you mean but I think 'take the fight to the enemy' isn't the best phrase. Perhaps striking at weakpoints or where the enemy least expects it? It is this that often worries Inquisitors and other outside organisations; the seeming ability of the chapter to plan ahead to the destruction of a foe. I think they would be more worried by the infiltration of the chapter's assets into possible Imperial authorities more than the chapter's foresight. Regardless there is little evidence to suggest that this method is not effective; the projections of a war’s length have fell by years, or even decades, after the intervention of the Night Hounds as well as loses for the chapter being far lower then any theorised. I would mention some drawbacks here to avoid suggestions of MISS ('Me? I'm Super!' Syndrome). While it has been put to good effect against many foes, both Xenos and Human, one cannot disguise himself as an Orc or infiltrate an Eldar Craftworld. This is 40k so it's Ork :) Otherwise they've managed to find their way into the Fantasy universe :D As such the Night Hounds still fight like any other marine chapter, with the majority of their brothers taking the lives of the Emperor enemies by chainsword and bolter on the frontlines. Like all Angels of Death, the Night Hounds favour strategic strikes from orbit via Drop Pod and Thunderhawk, swooping down on the foe before they are aware of the nature of what they face. In many cases these two tactics will be used in conjunction of one another; cells will take about orbital defences and other such threats and then the Night Hounds will rain death from the sky, bypassing the defences which those who defy the Imperium’s will thought would save them. You really don't need anything else after the first sentence here. The readers know the rest :) While no-one claims captaincy of this infrastructure the over command of organisation of these cells is, at present, left to Brother Ilthor. Not having an appointed Captain is a recipe for disaster. It can have another title but there needs to be a formal leader. Infiltration Cells – ‘The Shadow Hounds' and History have way too much space in the IA. You need to cut down on the details otherwise the readers will think this is IA: 10th Company of the Night Hounds rather than IA: Night Hounds. I would also avoid them tangling with the Alpha Legion early in their history otherwise they should be getting ripped apart by the 'more experienced at this sneaky warfare business' Alpha Legion. This breeds a myriad of individuals of varying talent, something akin to a retinue of an Inquisitor, although no one would quite compare the two. You just have :P The Shadow Hounds came in contact with several Inquisition members throughout this time, although they were never sanctioned for their actions and in fact willingly worked alongside these fractions when presented the opportunity. Factions. It is not until contacts with the Tau began that the Night Hounds again showed prominence in Imperial annals.... Before the emergence of the thirteenth Black Crusade the 2nd and 4th company are known to be embattled on the world of Armageddon, the 5th, 6th and 7th are recorded as operating in several engagements and liberations of traitor worlds and the other elements of the chapter are either stationed near, or on, their home world. Elements of the 1st, 3rd and 8th companies, as well as the 9th company, as reported in operation against various other threats to valuable worlds and sectors.. The Eye of Terror and the Tau are on opposite sides of the galaxy. To have your chapter involved in both is very unlikely and seems a little like you're merely name dropping in order to appear part of the 40k universe. You don't need to do that, your chapter already fits in fine. And I also believe that Armageddon has all the chapter's involved named, though if it was merely your Shadow Hounds cells you could get around that (not that I'd advise it). Also, use Second instead of 2nd as an IA is meant to be fairly formal. The Night Hounds also believe in the sacrifice of life so the Imperium can survive. While some chapters are known to preserve life at risk of themselves, the Night Hounds are willing to sacrifice lives in order to fulfil their mission. They take the view that ten thousands lives sacrificed in order to do the Emperor’s work is better then a million lives saved instead of the ultimate goal of success. While this does not mean they are cheap with life, the lives of their cell members and battle brothers are valued beyond measure, the Night Hounds are known to sway entire members of a world merely to use them as a distraction for their cells to slip in and complete their work. Ultimately this can bring them into conflict with others but the Night Hounds save life when they can but do not shy away from committing these deeds if called for. You start off making them sound nice and ruthless but then back off from it. I would make the wording a bit less ambiguous, either way (though I'm rooting for the ruthless bastards angle ;) ). Some more general advice. Throughout the article you seem to be missing possessive apostrophes eg. foes instead of foe's. If you need help fixing them, I can point them out if you can't spot them in a few read throughs. I would look at thinking of another name for the infiltration cell group as the Shadow Hounds is awfully similar to the chapter name of Night Hounds and people will get confused. I would also perhaps mention the role of Librarians in the group? Right now, the IA is at 4500 words. This is fairly close to the upper limit of how much you can put in before people stop reading. Currently, you've also got a fair bit of redundancy, as I've noted in a few places. Some info is mentioned twice and there's a few sections that waste a lot of words. In particular, the History and Infiltration Cells – ‘The Shadow Hounds' sections need a thorough slim down. I think you could also reinforce their theme a lot more. You've done a good job of laying out how they operate and how they're structured. But I want to know why they get out of bed every morning to slay the enemies of the Emperor. Is is out of merely duty? Do they look forward to it with zeal? I want to know more about this ruthless streak mentioned only in Beliefs. The job is done already of how they differ from other chapters in terms of physical areas such as organisation and combat doctrine. Now what's different mentally? And how does this affect everything else you've already written? A great start, now try to put that theme in more, trim it back a little and you'll have a winner :tu: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2459527 Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCasperTom Posted July 11, 2010 Author Share Posted July 11, 2010 Welcome to the B&C and to the Liber ;) And what an entry! While it has been put to good effect against many foes, both Xenos and Human, one cannot disguise himself as an Orc or infiltrate an Eldar Craftworld. This is 40k so it's Ork :) Otherwise they've managed to find their way into the Fantasy universe :lol: I blame my spell checker :P Infiltration Cells – ‘The Shadow Hounds' and History have way too much space in the IA. You need to cut down on the details otherwise the readers will think this is IA: 10th Company of the Night Hounds rather than IA: Night Hounds. I would also avoid them tangling with the Alpha Legion early in their history otherwise they should be getting ripped apart by the 'more experienced at this sneaky warfare business' Alpha Legion. Yeah I see your point. I did get a big caught up in the writing and may have wrote a tad to much :tu: And good point. I've moved it to a smaller mention later on in the history and pointed out is worked to expose the flaws of the cells themselves. It is not until contacts with the Tau began that the Night Hounds again showed prominence in Imperial annals.... Before the emergence of the thirteenth Black Crusade the 2nd and 4th company are known to be embattled on the world of Armageddon, the 5th, 6th and 7th are recorded as operating in several engagements and liberations of traitor worlds and the other elements of the chapter are either stationed near, or on, their home world. Elements of the 1st, 3rd and 8th companies, as well as the 9th company, as reported in operation against various other threats to valuable worlds and sectors.. The Eye of Terror and the Tau are on opposite sides of the galaxy. To have your chapter involved in both is very unlikely and seems a little like you're merely name dropping in order to appear part of the 40k universe. You don't need to do that, your chapter already fits in fine. And I also believe that Armageddon has all the chapter's involved named, though if it was merely your Shadow Hounds cells you could get around that (not that I'd advise it). Also, use Second instead of 2nd as an IA is meant to be fairly formal. I actually didn't know that to be honest :P . I don't particulary pay attention to the location of the Imperium as a whole, apart from knowing the general stuff like Cadia is near the Eye of Terror. Cheers for the advice, I've edited bits now. Managed to remove about 700 words in total, noticed parts that can be removed or have already been explained in some detail somewhere else. That always happens with my writing to be honest, as my tendancy is to write it all in great chunks and so it kind of just flows into one sometimes. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2459572 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted July 11, 2010 Share Posted July 11, 2010 Here is what I don't like. Space Marines are 7-8 ft giants. I don't see how sleeper cells work with these guys. It works for Alpha Legion because: 1. they are a Primarch founded Legion, and 2. they are much better than any Imperial Chapter could be. I just don't see the point of a Loyalist Chapter having infiltrating cells. That is what scouts do. Space Marines aren't in the business of HumInt. That is what the Inquisition and to a lesser extent the Assassins do. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2459591 Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCasperTom Posted July 12, 2010 Author Share Posted July 12, 2010 Here is what I don't like. Space Marines are 7-8 ft giants. I don't see how sleeper cells work with these guys. It works for Alpha Legion because: 1. they are a Primarch founded Legion, and 2. they are much better than any Imperial Chapter could be. I just don't see the point of a Loyalist Chapter having infiltrating cells. That is what scouts do. Space Marines aren't in the business of HumInt. That is what the Inquisition and to a lesser extent the Assassins do. So your advice is to scrap the entire chapter and just make something totally new? I see your point and all but I hardly see how that is helpful really. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2460334 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 Actually, telling you that the reader can't buy your idea is helpful. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2460348 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 I'm not saying scrap the idea... I'm just saying you need to rework it a bit. For example... Maybe your Chapter is very scout heavy. Maybe your Shadow Brethren are special Astartes that are tapped if they have proven themselves above their peers in the initiate/scout Company, and then they are watched as full fledged battle-brothers, then they are then selected to go be in an elite Power Armored forward infilitrating, sabotage, C&C cell that is in charge of the scout initiates. However, Loyalist Alpha-Legion just does not work in the Imperium. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2460388 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sigismund Himself Posted July 12, 2010 Share Posted July 12, 2010 However, Loyalist Alpha-Legion just does not work in the Imperium. I didn't get the feeling they were loyalist Alpha Legion at all. In fact they are closer to what you just suggested IMO. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2460817 Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrCasperTom Posted July 18, 2010 Author Share Posted July 18, 2010 I'm not saying scrap the idea... I'm just saying you need to rework it a bit. For example... Maybe your Chapter is very scout heavy. Maybe your Shadow Brethren are special Astartes that are tapped if they have proven themselves above their peers in the initiate/scout Company, and then they are watched as full fledged battle-brothers, then they are then selected to go be in an elite Power Armored forward infilitrating, sabotage, C&C cell that is in charge of the scout initiates. However, Loyalist Alpha-Legion just does not work in the Imperium. This was the very idea I was getting at. In my image they work far different from how 'similar' groups, such as the Inquisition, do. The Shadow Brethren utilise the tools that they have to build up the oppurtunity to punch the enemies in the face (to put it bluntly). The way I see the Inquisition is working in to stop the spread of rebellion/xenos etc in pre-established worlds, undermining them and then, once their jobs are done, leaving with little or no trace. The Shadow Brethren, minus cases such as when Alpha Legion cults are established on a planet, (and that's more their view of 'you need a marine to kill a marine correctly') they sit in the shadows and then pop out with a big bang, crap over all the work you've done in establishing anti-Imperium rule and then shoot its corpse with a bolter just to make sure. I suppose the best reference to them might be similar to a Genestealer cult. They hide in a world, turning people to their cause or merely just sitting there quietly, building their strength and then, when the main force arrives in the system, come out of hiding, clearly and loudly. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2465847 Share on other sites More sharing options...
RagingGriffon Posted July 18, 2010 Share Posted July 18, 2010 I just can't fathom the Inquistion would allow: The mortals who form the majority of these cells are an integral part of the cells’ actions. While the marines provide the fighting force of the cells as well as their presence, even if their nature remains hidden, being a persuasive force, the mortals provide the very means to enact full damage versus the foes. They infiltrate traitors command and infrastructure, posing as advisors, workers or whatever else is needed in the area they infiltrate, they blend in with the populace at heart. Others contact those who support the Imperium or those who are happy to stir up trouble, regardless of who they are fighting for. On the rebel world of Haseth II it was the actions of two mortal cell members who slew the traitor leader and her command structure before fleeing, leaving the way open for the Brother marine cell members to enforce their rule before the Imperial Guard regiments arrived to liberate the world. It seems like you are trying to make your Shadow Bretheren like modern day Green Berets. I really think you are overstepping your bounds as the Adeptus Astartes. Especially since you said you have worked with the =I=. The fact that your guys are so good at infiltrating, and getting humans to work for you, is reason enough to make more than enough Inquisitors and other Ordos nervous. The Celestial Lions were eradicated for far less. The Imperium as a whole would see you as too high of potential to go rogue. I would keep human cells out of your IA and just keep it to very experienced, forward fighting Astartes. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2465874 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted July 24, 2010 Share Posted July 24, 2010 The Night Hounds I like the name. While most of the Night Hounds doctrine follows the tenants of the Codex Astartes there is a noticeable difference; the cultivation of mortal warriors for use in infiltration cells across the Imperium. This would be tricky. An important part of the Codex Astartes is the separation of Astartes forces from those of the Imperial Guard et al. The Astartes command the Astartes, and nobody else. This is not to say a Chapter couldn't have a spy network - but having a network of fighters is pushing things. Especially considering the fact that normal humans often simply can't keep up with the superhuman Space Marines. The cells might make more sense/fit a bit better with normal human/serf infiltrators and intelligence gatherers as well as Space Marine 'muscle'. HistoryThe Slaying Of Krelthus Descriptions of battles are not inherently interesting. * * * I'd like more explanation of how such methods came about. I think it'd make things a lot clearer. I'd also like it if the mortal auxiliaries were significantly de-emphasized. Right now this feels like it's more about a bunch of cool mortal black-ops specialists who have Space Marine friends, and a lot of space is dedicated to exploring how the humans work. That's not what an article about Space Marines is about, nor what a Space Marine chapter is about. I think it'd also help make the Chapter distinct from the Alpha Legion, which isn't entirely the case at the moment. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/206158-index-astartes-night-hounds/#findComment-2471179 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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