The Myrmidons

[Tankuel]

Ok second draft. I realized when I was writing about Aegina that the Myrmidons were really taking the back seat so that’s why I cut it. I’m gonna have it up as a separate article because honestly its either I’m over doing it or I’m over thinking or I’m actually on to something and its just that rich that to do Aegina and the myrmidons one steals the spotlight (as it were) from the other. Hopefully this should be good enough and the article about Aegina should fill in any questions.

The Myrmidons

Basic information

Chapter master: Xenophon Aurelius

Fleet: The Redemption

Main colors: Jet black

Specialty: defensive siege warfare and chaos fighting

Battle cry: none

Estimated strength: 679

History:

When Obax Tarea told Lucius of the heresy and how the galaxy was afterwards it radically changed all preconceived notions. There would be no fleet coming to extract them so they could rejoin their brothers and they were truly on their own. Since then they've been fighting what they call "The Long War" with at least one continent under siege everyday.

The Art Rebellions

It was reasoned that the chaos gods fed on unbridled emotions and thus gave them power. At first the reforms were abrupt but widely accepted. Art was then banned as it “instigated” emotion and was therefore a tool of the chaos gods. Books of poetry and great works of literature were burned daily as people were systematically trained to suppress and destroy all emotion in order to replace it with logic. For a time this seemed to work. The councils efficiency grew as only those that could distance themselves the most from emotion were able attain a seat on the council. But it was not to last. As time went on and the people saw the horrors of war even more and even the most rigorous mental training could not shield them from the lows of despair nor the heights of joy. Eventually a society known as the Painters was formed. They would seek out ways in which to express themselves. It started off with them meeting secretly and using each other as models for paintings and drawings. Music was shared and critiqued. But soon it was not enough they began to mix despair and love, pleasure and pain. They would paint frescoes of each other locked in a lovers embrace in their own blood. When the council finally learned of this society they enacted stricter controls and sent the myrmidons to hunt down the painters and destroy them. Children as soon as they reached the age of 9 were to be lobotomized in order to purge the emotions from them. Mothers feeling for their children along with seeing the myrmidons, bastions of order and reason act so rashly actually caused the people of Aegina to be sympathetic to the painters. The myrmidons after a time could see that no matter what it was human nature to feel emotion. After a long deliberation with the council they agreed that while emotion should be controlled to clamp it completely off would be like to clamp off a blood vessel causing the limb to stagnate and become diseased. The myrmidons then began teaching the people of Aegina to focus art and poetry as forms of meditation so that they could always control it and not have it control them.

The coming of the Tears of Blood

In the 36th millennium a wave of word bearers came seeking to surprise the myrmidons. They were sorely mistaken. The myrmidons having millennia of practice against the ruinous powers were prepared. The myrmidons using many defense lasers built just beneath the surface to fire at the incoming ships. The tally was fearsome but still several thunderhawks landed on the planet. The word bearers were a potent threat to the people of Aegina. If they were allowed to preach their chaos propaganda the people would have been thrust back to the time of tyranor. The myrmidons fought with all the skill, discipline, wits and bravery they could muster. A well planned ambush lead to the myrmidons taking control of one of the word bearers’ thunderhawks. They used this ship posing as one of the retreating ships and boarded the tears of blood. The myrmidons went up and down the corridors bottlenecking their many enemies until none remain.

The Rebirth and Redemption

The myrmidons now in control of a desolator class battleship renamed the redemption and a thunderhawk sent for technicians to repair the massive damage their firefights had caused. Unfortunately the damage was severe enough that they couldn't completely repair it. They had no reliable star charts and because there were no psykers they couldn’t travel through warp (no astropaths) but using ancient texts they were able to get a rough approximation of where Terra is. 700 years later the Iron hands Battlecruiser Ferrum Ego intercepted them. What happened then was recorded in both their histories as a tragic and deplorable misunderstanding. The myrmidons thinking this to be another Chaos ship closed quickly. The iron hands believing to be under attack by the vile chaos marines fired at the closing ship. The redemption took much damage but eventually was able to close and launch boarding parties on the Ferrum ego. With precision and accuracy the leader of the myrmidons Xenophon aurelius stormed his way to the bridge where he confronted the iron hands leader Gabriel stronos. There Xenophon drew his power sword and said in a loud voice that echoed through the room “You and your kind have betrayed our father. We were born to unite humanity and raise it from the depths. But instead you turn your back on him and yielded to bloodlust. For this crime there is only one punishment.” Stunned by Xenophons words Gabriel was caught off guard. As Xenophons lunged Gabriel was barely able to turn the blade away in time with his own. Blow after blow ensued but neither able to completely subdue the other until they came to corps a corps and Gabriel spat in Xenophons face” liar! You come here in a chaos cursed ship, attack servants of the emperor. You are the traitor!” Xenophon was struck with confusion and it nearly cost him his life. Gabriel grabbed Xenophon’s helmeted face and slammed it into his knee and would have squashed Xenophons head with a well placed boot if Xenophon hadn’t grabbed Gabriel’s leg and pulled. As the two captains wrestled Xenophon calmly spoke to Gabriel of the lies told by Obax. Gabriel sensing Xenophon spoke the truth broke the grapple and lunged for his power sword. As he stood on guard he let Xenophon stand. And carefully explained to him the true state of the imperium and asked how a chaos marine wouldn’t know that. Xenophon then responded “the myrmidons have never strayed from their sacred goal of bettering uniting and protecting humanity.” Both leaders now fully realizing that neither was truly an enemy ordered a cease fire. As both chapters tended to their wounded Xenophon talked greatly and both learned much from each other. News of an Ecclesiarchy concerned Xenophon greatly but he was relieved to hear that not all of his battle brothers were subject to chaos.

The iron hands then went about reconsecrating the redemption. It took many years to cleanse the taint from it. And in that time many techpriests came to learn about the ship used by their enemies

in the time when the redemption was being reconsecrated the iron hands escorted what remained of the myrmidons to Ultramar where they would meet marneus calgar. During this journey an inquisitional investigation against the myrmidons was called slowing their progress to Ultramar. The myrmidons had heard of the inquisition and suspected that violence would ensue after the investigation. Inquisitor Hoan lead the investigation. Hoan a psyker himself probed and prodded Xenophons mind and the minds of all the remaining myrmidons. Though he tried to find a hint of heresy or treachery Hoan could not. Even after millennia in contact with the ruinous powers the myrmidons stood firm in their unshaken loyalty to the emperor. Xenophon and the rest of the myrmidons came away from it changed men. They knew that as much as the peoples of Aegina needed them the imperium needed them more to protect the people not just from the forces of chaos but also overzealous and pious men like those in the inquisition and the Ecclesiarchy.

When Xenophon first stepped foot on Macragge his breath wasn’t taken away by its beautiful countryside or the fortress Hera in its radiant splendor. His only reaction was “a good start but it needs completion.” As the myrmidons stayed with the ultramarines it became apparent that they could not rejoin their gene brothers. Their methods were too different. Their outlooks too deviated. The myrmidons were geniuses at defensive siege strategy sure but the high lords of terra wouldn’t recognize them as their own chapter. Calgar would not let the story of these brothers in arms go unforgotten. He took a company of myrmidons still calling them ultramarines as they were still officially recognized as such. When the myrmidons freed the city of omon they showed how well

they could fight chaos with minimal casualties. After this brief show calgar went straight to the high lords of terra and told them of how beneficial the myrmidons could be. If they were allowed to fortify the defenses of the planets surrounding not just the maelstrom but also the eye of terror the imperium stood a better chance of defending itself against the ruinous powers. After seeing the results of the myrmidons during the purgation of Jhanna the highlords of terra allowed the creation of the myrmidons as their own distinct chapter. On their way back triumphant to Ultramar the myrmidons found their old allies with a gift waiting for them. The redemption fully cleansed and stocked. With this battle cruiser they set out looking for allies and recruits so they may return to Aegina and bring it back into the fold of the imperium.

Organization

While the myrmidons disagree with some of the practices in the codex astartes they understand the need to keep the chapters from becoming too strong otherwise a second horus might emerge. as such they are organized into a standard chapter but because of their numbers they have no reserve companies as of yet.

Combat doctrine.

A good offense begins with a good defense. Or so say the myrmidons. When first entering an engagement the myrmidons shore up their own defenses while also blocking off enemy supply routes creating a virtual wall of stone that any hostile army bashes itself against like the surf against the rocks. With this wall the myrmidons push the enemy from the battlefield and into the arms of their brothers flanking them closing the trap.

When in a battle where they are out numbered the myrmidons fortify their own positions and either strike at the enemy with their whirlwinds or tunnel underneath the battlefield and surprise the enemy from behind. They are notoriously intolerant of the ruinous powers always keeping them as the primary targets in any engagement.. they are also highly distrustful of the ecclesiarchy and the inquisition reasoning that using religion to defeat chaos is ultimately self defeating.

Recruitment

Though much of the geneseed is compatible with that of the ultramarines recruiting from only ultramar as proven unfruitful as the mental requirements to distance themselves from emotion is often a barrier keeping the myrmidons from attaining full chapter numbers. because of this the myrmidons go from segmentum to segmentum looking for those able to recruit.

Warcry.

Warcrys are used to convey certain emotions in the troops and in their enemies therefore they have none but go through a brief period of meditation before they go into combat.

Appearance

The chapters symbol is a white shield on a field of black with the words Mente et manu inscribed on it. Their armor is painted jet black in mourning for the fate of the emperor with the white skull symbolizing that all is not lost.

[Octavulg]

First, the home world of the Myrmidons would logically be Aegina.

 

Second, it is important when writing an IA to write clearly, legibly and with decent spelling, grammar and punctuation. You're currently failing that - you have a wall of text with no capitals.

 

Finally, when using a theme, it is important to use a light touch - things like naming the home world Athens are not very subtle, and should be avoided.

[Tankuel]

First, the home world of the Myrmidons would logically be Aegina.

 

Second, it is important when writing an IA to write clearly, legibly and with decent spelling, grammar and punctuation. You're currently failing that - you have a wall of text with no capitals.

 

Finally, when using a theme, it is important to use a light touch - things like naming the home world Athens are not very subtle, and should be avoided.

Aegina. Got it.

As for the writing I'll fix that as soon as I get 5-8 hours of sleep in me. It's 5 am where I am and I wanted to get this last post in before lights out.

As for the names like Athens or Xenophon i had just planned on those elements be temporary working titles.

Other than that is it good enough to continue or should I scrap it and start from scratch?

[Octavulg]

Couldn't tell you. I didn't read it because the formatting made it sufficiently difficult, and I already have a bunch of other IAs I've told myself I should read and comment on. :ph34r:

 

However, improving the formatting will certainly encourage other people to read it, so it's a good use of your time nonetheless.

[Tankuel]

I'll put it on my to do list. And with that I bid you goodnight/morning.

[gwchaptermaster]

i like it sounds like it could be a great chapter with a little work

[Shinzaren]

General Rule of Thumb, which I'll try to point out as gently as possible: Space Marines that are cut off from their chapters don't form new chapters. Whenever they establish contact again, be it one year, or one thousand years, they'll just be assimilated back into their original chapter. Also, I doubt the Ultramarines would just forget about a thousand of their warriors trapped on some planet. That's a tenth of a first founding legion.

 

Secondly, is this an IA about the Myrmidons? Or about the Imperial Guardsmen? Its a little confusing.

 

Third, why are they fighting chaos everyday for 4 thousand years? What do the forces of Chaos gain from this protracted stalemate? This seems unlikely and unnecessary.

 

Fourth, taking a Chaos warship, and flying it towards Terra would be a BAD idea. Renamed or not, it would probably have been flagged as Chaos, and defaced in the extreme. Loyalist forces would most likely see it and lay waste to it before it could talk.

 

Fifth, you're claiming that you have marines from the first founding, who walked in the time of the Primarchs. This is generally a bad idea, as it places your chapter as first amongst equals, saying you've been around forever.

 

Sixth, the World Eaters rove around in small warbands, butchering, slaughtering, and taking skulls for Khorne. They would be a terrible choice to parlay with your guys. Seeing UM blue, they would probably just go right in for kill, attacking immediately. I suggest Word Bearers, or Emperor's Children, as they would make much better emissaries. I still don't know how you expecting them to parlay with you at all, but that would be the first thing to change.

 

Seventh, I'm not entirely sure where your planet is located, but you are vastly underestimating the incredible size of space. 700 years of non-warp travel would get them no where. Without a warp capable ship, there's no point in even having your guys leave system.

 

Seventh,

Because of Tyranor the demon warlord Aegina can not hold psykers. Any psyker of any strength that sets foot on Aegina dies by their own blood boiling and rending itself from their bodies.

 

I just reread and saw this and went, "What?" Who is Tyranor? What did he do to the planet? Why does psychic power cause their blood to boil? This needs either expansion, explanation, or removal. I honestly don't know which.

 

 

The only cool/unique/believable thing this entry presents to me is the emotionless aspect. I love the movie Equilibrium, and I think this is a great idea to build a chapter on. Expand on this. This whole IA has promise, but it needs work, and I highly recommend reading both the

DIY Chapter Creation Guide

Octavulg's Awesome, Sexy, Good at Sports, Date the Prom Queen, Win at Everything Forever DIY Chapter Guide. It also smells like Winning. And rich Mahogony.

 

These two guides are really useful for DIY chapters, and they contain lots of good DOs and DON'Ts. Check em out.

 

Lastly: Welcome to the Liber Astartes, where the responses come slow, the criticisms come fast, and pain is real. Regardless of how they say it, most people are trying to help your IA, and help you organize your ideas. Don't take anything too personally, and feel free to tell people to shove off and let your idea work itself ;) Enjoy your stay. If you run out of mints for your pillow, or shampoo in the shower, PM Octavulg every 2-3 minutes, maybe more. He's the mint guy. ;)

[Tankuel]

General Rule of Thumb, which I'll try to point out as gently as possible: Space Marines that are cut off from their chapters don't form new chapters. Whenever they establish contact again, be it one year, or one thousand years, they'll just be assimilated back into their original chapter. Also, I doubt the Ultramarines would just forget about a thousand of their warriors trapped on some planet. That's a tenth of a first founding legion.

 

Secondly, is this an IA about the Myrmidons? Or about the Imperial Guardsmen? Its a little confusing.

 

Third, why are they fighting chaos everyday for 4 thousand years? What do the forces of Chaos gain from this protracted stalemate? This seems unlikely and unnecessary.

 

Fourth, taking a Chaos warship, and flying it towards Terra would be a BAD idea. Renamed or not, it would probably have been flagged as Chaos, and defaced in the extreme. Loyalist forces would most likely see it and lay waste to it before it could talk.

 

Fifth, you're claiming that you have marines from the first founding, who walked in the time of the Primarchs. This is generally a bad idea, as it places your chapter as first amongst equals, saying you've been around forever.

 

Sixth, the World Eaters rove around in small warbands, butchering, slaughtering, and taking skulls for Khorne. They would be a terrible choice to parlay with your guys. Seeing UM blue, they would probably just go right in for kill, attacking immediately. I suggest Word Bearers, or Emperor's Children, as they would make much better emissaries. I still don't know how you expecting them to parlay with you at all, but that would be the first thing to change.

 

Seventh, I'm not entirely sure where your planet is located, but you are vastly underestimating the incredible size of space. 700 years of non-warp travel would get them no where. Without a warp capable ship, there's no point in even having your guys leave system.

 

Seventh,

Because of Tyranor the demon warlord Aegina can not hold psykers. Any psyker of any strength that sets foot on Aegina dies by their own blood boiling and rending itself from their bodies.

 

I just reread and saw this and went, "What?" Who is Tyranor? What did he do to the planet? Why does psychic power cause their blood to boil? This needs either expansion, explanation, or removal. I honestly don't know which.

 

 

The only cool/unique/believable thing this entry presents to me is the emotionless aspect. I love the movie Equilibrium, and I think this is a great idea to build a chapter on. Expand on this. This whole IA has promise, but it needs work, and I highly recommend reading both the

DIY Chapter Creation Guide

Octavulg's Awesome, Sexy, Good at Sports, Date the Prom Queen, Win at Everything Forever DIY Chapter Guide. It also smells like Winning. And rich Mahogony.

 

These two guides are really useful for DIY chapters, and they contain lots of good DOs and DON'Ts. Check em out.

 

Lastly: Welcome to the Liber Astartes, where the responses come slow, the criticisms come fast, and pain is real. Regardless of how they say it, most people are trying to help your IA, and help you organize your ideas. Don't take anything too personally, and feel free to tell people to shove off and let your idea work itself :rolleyes: Enjoy your stay. If you run out of mints for your pillow, or shampoo in the shower, PM Octavulg every 2-3 minutes, maybe more. He's the mint guy. :P

thats for the criticism. i'm dusting of my editing hat as i'm typing this.

 

First the logic i had behind why they renamed themselves was they were misinformed by the chaos marines and thought they were really the only chapter that had not succumbed to chaos

second its about the space marine myrmidons. i'm sorry about the confusion.

third while they are constantly under attack it ranges in intensity. sometimes a small force stays there for years and in some cases cause rebellions (i didn't put the rebellions lead by chaos marines in because i thought it would make the history incredibly long winded and i thought i'd save that for a more in depth article about Aegina)

fifth. there are no space marine myrmidons left on Aegina they're all dead. the ones left on the Redemption are the only ones left

sixth. world eaters was just a working agent. i wanted chaos marines to be the one to break it to them and what came to mind were world eaters

seventh tyranor was a daemon possessed Khornate warlord. he mixed chaos sorcery with stolen necron tech so that no matter what he could gain power by sacrificing in blood any psyker born on that world. i do agree it needs expansion/explanation. hell i didn't write half the stuff down when i wrote this because i was in dire need of sleep.

when i do edit this i will explain more about tyranor, the fact that khorne loves this place, a brief history of the art rebellions, an expansion on how they view the emperor, why they wear all black, their full investigation by the inquisition, and their interview with marneus calgar that set them up officially as their own chapter.

i'll probably post my second rough draft sometime on sunday or monday

till then keep the critique comin

[Shinzaren]

I've a got huge day of work ahead, and I probably won't be able to get back on until later in the weekend, but this caught my eye.

seventh tyranor was a daemon possessed Khornate warlord. he mixed chaos sorcery with stolen necron tech so that no matter what he could gain power by sacrificing in blood any psyker born on that world. i do agree it needs expansion/explanation.

 

Khorne hates sorcery. He hates sorcery with the burning passion of a thousand raging suns. How did one of his chosen demons start fiddling with sorcery? Secondly, Necron tech? Where'd it come from? Stolen from somewhere? From who?

[Tankuel]

wait till sunday

[Argon]

Its gravity is 1.65

 

Water covers 1/3 the surface of Aegina.

 

Overall the temperature is mild. The volcanoes that dot the equator provide warmth for the rest of the planet which makes up for the fact that there is no nearby star to provide heat.

 

Two things here.

 

Number A, unless this information affects your marines in some way, it really doesn't matter and isn't needed.

 

Number B, I'm pretty sure volcanoes don't work that way. I'm no vulcanologist, but if I recall correctly volcanic eruptions tend to make things colder.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

What does the planet orbit/orbits the planet that create the gravitational forces necessary to create these volcanos? Seems at the moment like it would be more like a solid core ball of ice and rock.

[Tankuel]

ok hit me with your best shot. come on fire away

[Shinzaren]

I skimmed, sorry, kinda short on time. All I really pulled from it was a lot of name dropping. Marneus Calgar, Iron Hands, Word Bearers.

 

Here's my most basic issues. Your chapter has served the Emperor since the First Founding. You're a branch of the Great Crusade, you go missing....very unlikely. You turn up after fighting Chaos for millennia, kind of unlikely. You fight Word Bearers, it could happen. You fight Iron Hands, but get them to realize you're good guys, VERY unlikely. These are the same guys that killed 1/3 of the entire Contqual just because their masters turned Chaos. They would kill you just to be sure. Seriously, they would put you guys down. Then, one psychic Inquisitor declares your entire lost chapter clear. Very unlikely. After this, you meet Marneus Calgar, who as master of the Ultramarines is your boss. He decides to let you do whatever you feel like, and even repairs and rearms your Battle Barge. This is very unlikely.

 

These scenarios and situations are all very unlikely, and very tough to swallow. They need more, and they need better explanations. You are jumping from A to B to C, without explaining what happened. Also, less name dropping.

 

Word Bearers: This is cool, they're Chaos, they fight people.

 

Iron Hands: This is problem. First Founding, and very big on killing Chaos, pick another, perhaps one you create yourself. Heck, borrow my Shadow Keepers if you want. They are big Eldar fighters, and pretty aloof from the Imperium, so they might buy what you're selling. Otherwise, use a named Chapter, but not a F.F., or a Chapter of Legend.

 

Deus Ex Inquisitor: Instead of going to Macragge, send your guys to Ophelia, or a Inquisitor fortress, as a show of good faith. Go to the Inquisition, don't make ONE of their guys come to you. It seems too "Deus Ex Machina" for him to suddenly appear.

 

Marneus Calgar: I hate Calgar. I hate the Smurfs. So this is slightly personal. However, with the backstory you have, he kinda needs to be involved, so I can't say anything bad here. Stupid Calgar ^_^

 

I know you nixed the planet history b/c it was distracting from the IA, but now it is HELLA confusing. What is the Long War? Where do these Chaos come from? The IA still makes no explanation of Tyranar. What importance to the Art Rebellions serve for your Chapter. For that matter, these guys have been away from Aegina for 700+ years. What purpose does that planet serve for your boys? You need to add in enough to explain all your references, but not so much that it clutters the IA.

 

Overall, The IA removed the things I disliked, but added more things I don't agree with. Moved forward a bit, but almost seemed to move Sideways. And I cannot stress this enough. Spell check, edit your sentences, use proper capitals, and proper punctuation. This thing is HELLA hard to read. I like that you are taking steps and trying to explain your thoughts, and I'm setting aside my twin hatreds of First Founding DIY Chapters, and Ultramarines, b/c I want to know more. I still think it needs a lot of work, and I would be happy to help with the grammar and punctuation side. Feel free to PM your future rough drafts if you'd like. I can try and edit them and get them in easier to read condition. Only $200 a word :) I kid, in all seriousness though, keep at it. Sorry if it seems too harsh.