The Emperors Pride

[Phlegon]

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I

n 700.M40 the High Lords of Terra decreed the 25th Founding of Adeptus Astartes in response to the influx of Dark Eldar activity in the Imperium. The honor of forging Chapter 913 was given to the Celestial Lions, who dispatched 40 Marines under the command of Captain Teirgon, to take command and oversee its production. The chapter was granted recruiting rights to Hannavas, a world located in Ultima Segmentum. When Teirgon arrived at the primitive world he spent the first few months studying the local populace. He learned their ways and tribal customs, understanding that these people would inherently bring parts of their culture to the new chapter. He also studied the planets wild life and saw a vast number of lions, which he considered a blessing from the Emperor. The omen was indeed good as production was completed ahead of schedule. Teirgon was filled with joy and decreed that these new warriors would be known as The Pride of the Emperor. However, good fortune was not to follow the young chapter and they soon faced their most grievous defeat at the hands of the very enemy they were created to fight against.

As the Prides left Hannavas to begin their hunt of the Dark Eldar, Teirgon received a communiqué requesting aid in the Ovarius sector from Inquisitor Mon Diego. He had intercepted a raiding party of the foul xenos on the planet of Dermose IV and was ill prepared for the attack. Pride Lord Teirgon declared this to be the first test for the fledging marines and committed the entire First Pride to battle. Following Codex Astartes, Teirgon made planet fall with immediate success and secured most of the planets star ports in the first day. The marines that landed at Hargars Reach Space Port were immediately overwhelmed, as this was where the largest contingent of Dark Eldar had stationed; using it to shuttle slaves off the planet. Pride Lord Teirgon immediately regrouped his portion of the Pride and led an offensive to aid the cut off and surrounded marines. It was during his force march that the true depth and cruelty of xenos exposed itself. Inquisitor Mon Diego’s ship, Veil of Shadows, opened fire on the Emperors Prides fleet and began dropping fresh Dark Eldar to the planet’s surface. A distress call was sent out from the Pride’s strike cruiser Lioness to the rest of the chapter moments before it was destroyed.

When the Second and Third Prides arrived in the sector, the remnants of the First Pride’s fleet drifted in the dead of space. Inquisitor Mon Diego’s shipped drifted lifeless in high orbit over Dermose IV. Second Pride began planet fall as the Third began a sweep of the Inquisitor’s ship. The ship was completely destroyed and all the crew dead; however, what they found on the bridge was most appalling. Inquisitor Mon Diego had been skinned from head to toe and the tattered flesh hung from the ceiling like a grizzly banner. While checking the Veil of Shadow’s records the Pride discovered the ship had come under attack hours before the distress call had been sent. On the surface the Second Pride found a similar fate for their brother marines. Teirgon, however, was nowhere to be found. Resting atop the smoldering gates of Hargars Reach was the Pride Lord’s helmet; the shinning gold covered in black soot. Apothecaries began collecting the Progenoid Glands where possible while the Techmarines began recovering the chapters’ hallowed suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor.

Pride Alphas were all called back to Hannavas to discuss the future of the First Pride and the chapter as a whole. This meeting was called the Conclave of the Lost. What was discussed at this Conclave is unknown but ever since the chapter has made a name for themselves as persecutors of the Eldar race as a whole.

H

annavas is seated in the Segmentum Ultima near the Maelstrom. It is a harsh planet with great sweeping planes and little water. Amongst the dry plains sporadic patches of trees blot the landscape. Rainfall is seasonal and during these months the dry river basins swell and flooding is a common occurrence. Creatures of all types and sizes roam the plains in search of food and water. The great lions are by far the most dominate of these creatures. The primitive tribes of Hannavas follow these lions as they migrate towards water and food. These primitives offer an abundant source of able recruits for the chapter, as the weak cannot survive the harsh conditions of Hannavas. It is known that 98% of them are able to survive the induction rights. These tribes often go to war with each other over the planets few resources. During these wars; the Master of Recruits, a Librarian, watches for tribal heroes to emerge. On victory’s eve, the Master of Recruits joins in the tribes’ victory celebration and announces the tribesmen who have been selected for recruitment. In the northern hemisphere rests a great mountain range where the chapter has a Keep, used for the recruiting and induction of new marines. Hannavas is orbited by one moon called Lunas. The chapters Librarium is located on Lunas and also serves as a refit and rearming station for the Prides.

Chapter Organization

T

he chapter initially followed Codex Astartes, however, after the Conclave of the Lost the chapter began to divert from that hallowed tome. The first and most noticeable change was the lacking of a Chapter Master or Pride Lord, as it’s known to the Emperors Pride. The next divergence was the lack of a First Company. Many Imperial Scholars believe that both of these divergences stemmed from the loss of the First Company during the Chapters initial battle with the Dark Eldar, where the entire First Company and Chapter Master were lost. The chapters few suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor are divided up amongst the remaining companies known as Prides. Also the chapter does not maintain a Tenth Company for scouts; instead each Pride trains its own scouts know as Cubs. Among the Prides there is also a lack of Codex rank structure. There are however positions in the Pride that resemble ranks. Captains are Pride Alphas, and are the strongest, most cunning, and largely experienced member in the Pride. Second in command are marines known as Adults; the Adults of a Pride are allowed to wear Tactical Dreadnought armor, serve in the Pride Alpha’s Command Squad, and are responsible for training the cubs of the Pride. Coalitions are the Codex equivalent of a Squad. Brother marines in Coalitions have served with each other since they were Cubs and single marines are never promoted to Adult without his entire Coalition being promoted. The Pride Alpha’s command squad is made up of his Brothers whom have served with him since induction into the Pride and should the Pride Alpha fall in battle; an Adult from his Coalition will take his place. This cycle continues until the Coalition becomes too few in numbers at which time they step down and immediately take up training positions instructing Cubs and will prepare the next Pride Alpha and his Coalition in the use of Tactical Dreadnought Armor. The other Coalitions of the Pride will then elect one member to enter the Lion’s Den. The Lion’s Den is simply a circle drawn on the ground and the marines once inside cannot leave. The chosen then fight each other attempting to throw their opponents out of the ring. This ensures that the strongest and most cunning lead the Pride.

Combat Doctrine

C

ooperation is paramount to the chapters’ combat doctrine. The Emperor’s Pride has a history of well organized and coordinated attacks. Much of this cooperation comes from Hannavas, were hunting parties had to work together in order to obtain the larger game of the planet. Lessons learned from the Dermose IV disaster have caused the chapter to never commit less than two Prides to any conflict. While one Pride begins planet fall, the other secures the area around the planet. This mutual support has also attributed to the tactics used by Coalitions. Coalitions are never dispatched alone or unsupported in any way. Often one Coalition will be used as diversions while another Coalition maneuvers and secure the objective. The diversion Coalition will either support the defense of the objective or prevent enemy advancement towards the secured area. The chapter is just as skilled in defense as they are in attack. Once an objective has been obtained, a tactical withdraw only transpires when it is in the best interest of the pride.

Beliefs

T

he Emperors Pride are a very spiritual chapter and they bring many beliefs of their primitive world to the chapter. Individualism is scorned in favor of harmony amongst the Prides. Battle brothers who do not put the advancement of the Pride before themselves are punished. Brothers of the Pride display the same tattoos of their former tribes as marks of honor and achievement, most often as embellishments on the arm and helm of their armor. Marks of dishonor are also displayed. Marines that have put themselves above his Coalition or Pride are forced to go into battle with their helmets and right arm painted black. This practice is rooted in the culture of Hannavas as well, where tribe members who put themselves ahead of their kin are shamed by painting their honor marks over with black; in their eyes, without the group, there is no worth in the individual. The chapter venerates the Emperor as the father of the Adeptus Astartes, and Teirgon as the father of the Emperors Pride.

Conclave of the Lost

Excerpt from the Conclave of the Lost following the Third War for Armageddon

“The reports are clear!” Shouted Viagon.
“Viagon your anger will damn the Pride.” Retorted Krilgon.
“Not all of us are old and weak.” Replied Viagon
Krilgon immediately jumped to his feet at the slight given by the young Pride Alpha.
“Silence!” The voice rang out loudly in the two Pride Alphas head forcing both back into their seats. The other Alphas sat quietly awaiting the Master of Recruits to speak. Phlegon was an epitome of patience but the arguing Alphas was beginning to try even his.
“Viagon, Krilgon, you have removed yourselves from honor. You will leave my hall this very moment and I need not remind you of your requirements to the Pride. An Adult from your Pride will pick up your honor where you felt so comfortable to discard it.”
With that the two dishonored Alphas left the hall. Phlegon looked over the remaining Alphas and the two Adults assembled. This was not the first time an Alpha had gotten out of line during the Conclave, but this by far had been the worst. The Pride was taking the loss of their parent chapter hard. He felt the desire to hunt the Celestial Lions murderers as much as the Alphas felt it, but rash decisions had been the root of the problem to begin with. He had not become the Master of Recruits and Steward of the Pride by making rash decisions.
“Vengeance will not be ours my brothers.” Phlegon began breaking the silence in the Great Hall.
“We must leave that for the Emperor himself or we very well may share the Celestial Lions fate. We will however distance ourselves from those who have shown themselves to have little or no honor. No longer will we volunteer our brothers to the service of the Death Watch. However, if demanded we will submit. The Prides will not answer any calls for service to the Inquisition, but should you find your Pride in the service of the Inquisition do so with honor, but do not trust those who would so carelessly and without regard murder the Emperors favored children”

T

he Conclave of the Lost is a gathering where all the Prides available return to Hannavas. These conclaves have been fundamental to the chapter since the Dermose IV incident. This function serves many purposes for the Chapter, foremost being the Pride Alphas join with the Master of Recruits in the Chapters Great Hall and discuss current events and the Prides role in the Imperium. Also discussed is new or unusual trends in the xenos filth known as the Eldar and how best to combat these developments. The conclave also serves as a chance for the Prides to reunite with each other. For seven days; games, test of strength and skill, and feasts take place on the planet’s surface. The Pride does not hide these events from the planets populace and it is said that during the conclave Hannavas sees it’s only seven days of peace, as the tribes join in the feast and can even challenge the gods that protect the stars. At the end of the week while the Prides begin to leave the planet’s surface those brothers who had removed themselves from honor in the past year are allowed to remove the black paint from their armor. This is a highly ritualized affair, as each member of the marines Coalition removes a piece of the black armor and removes the paint by placing it into a forge monitored by the Prides Techmarine. When the plate is removed it is charred black and the soot is cleaned by the Prides Adults. When it is presented back to the marine the armor has been stripped back to bare metal and has been cleansed of all dishonors. It is then to be repainted by the marine in the chapter colors.

Gene Seed

Celestial Lions. Most likely of Rouboute Gulliman

Battle Cry

“For the Pride of Hannavas and the Pride of the Emperor.” This was to be the battle cry before the Dermose IV incident. Since then the chapter has used no formal battle cry, however, some marines have modified their vox caster to emit a low growl mimicking the growl of a lion.

Chapter Colors

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Origins: Haven't worked out the details yet, but, planning on them being created and used to patrol the shipping lanes around the Maelstrom.

 

The biggest problem I can see right now is this.

 

Space Marines aren't drawn up for patrol duty, that's not what they are created for. They are the Imperium's single most elite fighting force bar the Grey Knights. They take on duties no one else can, they prosecute campaigns against the toughest most intractable foes and defend humanity against a legion of traitors, heretics and xenos.

 

To have them 'on patrol' around some shipping lanes seems a little wasteful of their abilities. That's what the Imperial Navy is for.

 

There is also a quote about Space Marines thinking very little of patrol duty and the implication that it is purely the navies duty by one chapter in the old SM Codex that I don't have to hand, if anyone can quote it for me I'd appreciate that.

[Phlegon]

You know I had never even thought of that. I have to admit the reasoning for my chapter has been the hardest part for me, so patroling (which is something I do) seemed easy enough answer. I see now that I need to work more from a modern Special Forces mindset instead of a regular grunt mindset.

 

Thanks Grey Hunter

[Thor Lokiago]

Gonna throw it out there, your geneseed is that of the great Lion El'Johnson. Just sayin, that would make the most sense from what you've put foreward.

[Shinzaren]

Clever anagram for the planet name. Pretty sweet.

[Phlegon]

Thank you Shinzaren, I got lucky that savannah is actually pronoucable when reversed.

[Shadey]

In 700.M40 the High Lords of Terra decreed that the 25th Founding of Adeptus Astartes was to begin to combat the influx of Dark Eldar activity in the Imperium. The honor of forging Chapter 913 was given to the Celestial Lions who dispatched 40 Marines under the command of Captain Teirgon to take command and oversee the production of this new chapter. The chapter was granted recruiting rights to Hannavas, a world located in Ultima Segmentum. When Teirgon arrived at Hannavas he spent the first few months studying the local populace. He learned there ways and tribal customs, understanding that these people would inherently bring parts of their culture to the new chapter. He also studied the planets wild life and saw the appearance of the vast number of lions as a good omen for the chapter. The omen was indeed good as the chapter was completed ahead of schedule and on its day of completion Teirgon, now Chapter Master, declared the chapter The Emperors Pride. However, the good omen Teirgon had expressed was soon to come to an end and the Emperors Pride would soon experience its worst defeat at the hands of the enemy they were created to fight.

As the Prides left Hannavas to begin their hunt of the Dark Eldar, Teirgon received a communiqué requesting aid in the Ovarius sector from Inquisitor Mon Diego. Mon Diego had intercepted a raiding party of Dark Eldar on the planet of Dermose IV and was ill prepared for the Dark Eldars attack. Pride Lord Teirgon declared this to be the first test for the fledging marines and committed the entire First Pride to battle. The Emperors Pride made planet fall with immediate success and secured most of the planets star ports in the first day. The marines that landed at Hargars Reach Space Port were immediately over whelmed as this was where the largest contingent of Dark Eldar had been using to move slaves from the planet. Pride Lord Teirgon immediately regrouped his portion of the Pride and lead an offensive to aid the cut off and surrounded marines at Hargars Reach. It was during his force march that the true depth and cruelty of the Dark Eldar exposed itself. Inquisitor Mon Diego’s ship opened fire on the Emperors Prides fleet and began dropping fresh Dark Eldar to the planet’s surface. A distress call was sent out from the Prides strike cruiser Lioness to the rest of the chapter moments before it was destroyed.

 

When the Second and Third Prides arrived in the sector the remnants of the First Prides fleet drifted in the dead of space. Inquisitor Mon Diego’s shipped sat lifeless in high orbit over Dermose IV. Second Pride began planet fall as the Third began a sweep of the Inquisitors ship. The ship was completely dead along with its crew; however, what they found on the bridge was most appalling. Inquisitor Mon Diego had been skinned from head to toe and the skin hung from the ceiling like some grizzly banner. While checking the ships records the Pride discovered that the ship had come under attack hours before the distress call had been sent. On the surface the Second Pride found a similar fate for their brother marines. Teirgon, however, was nowhere to be found. At the gates of Hargars Reach they found the Pride Lords ornate spear driven into the ground with his helmet resting on top of the spear. The Seconds Apothecaries began collect the Progenoid Glands where this was possible as the Techmarines began recovering the chapters hallowed suits of Tactical Dreadnought Armor.

The Pride Alphas were all called back to Hannavas to discuss the future of the First Pride and the chapter as a whole. This meeting was called the Conclave of the Lost. What was discussed at this Conclave is unknown but since its close the chapter has made a name for themselves in their persecution of the Eldar race as a whole.

 

One thing I see happening is a fair bit of repitition in words. I have put them in bold above. Try using more general words as synonyms to vary up the language a bit more.

 

You also might want to consider making that a darker yellow in your skull headers, i know your trying to do your chapter colours, which is a nice touch but its kinda hard to read. Or change the text colour.

 

Also you thought about a symbol, maybe a lion rampant or a lions head. If you know someone who collects brettonians they probably have lion decals, if you intend to make an army/model of course.

 

Keep up the good work.

[Espada Azul]

You know I had never even thought of that. I have to admit the reasoning for my chapter has been the hardest part for me, so patrolling (which is something I do) seemed easy enough answer.

 

Grey Hunter Ydalir is right, patrolling a specific sector isn't something you'd expect from an Astartes Chapter, but while not much I point to the example of the Iron Snakes. The Reef Stars are pretty much their demesne, and is an area the Chapter seems to have a keen interest in protecting (due recurring Dark Eldar activity), but they don't limit their activities with just that.

 

The patrols could be considered part of their 'charter', but not the sole focus of their existence.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

As a quick aside, I do love the colour scheme. As would Ace I'm sure, since anything NOT grey/black/red is good in his book.

[Espada Azul]

But... But they're Blue and Yellow, Grey. ^^;

[Ace Debonair]

As a quick aside, I do love the colour scheme. As would Ace I'm sure, since anything NOT grey/black/red is good in his book.

Buddy, I just gotta say, I am digging the colour sch-

 

Wait a second. :)

I've been beaten to it. :P

 

Speaking as a guy who also alternates the colours of his headers, I agree that the yellow one needs to have darker writing.

I'd also reccomend dropping the 'founding' header, as having a whole section for two words seems a little... odd. :P Just mention somewhere that your boys are 25th founding.

[Phlegon]

Thank you everybody who has helped me get this chapter to this point. I made the changes suggested by shadey and I think it reads much smoother now. I made a small change to the Chapter Org. aswell, nothin huge just kinda "seasoning to taste". As always C&C is welcome, my goal is to get this put in the Librarium.

 

Thanks again!

[Firepower]

Some grammar and spelling issues to iron out:

 

Check your spelling of "Librarian." Also watch out for homonyms ("there" versus "their" and such). [EDIT: Ack, OK not homonyms, homophones!]

 

It is noted that a Coalitions member, once formed, never changes. Brother marines in Coalitions have served with each other since they were Cubs. Single marines are never promoted to Adult, and the Pride Alpha’s command squad is made up of his Brothers whom have served with him since induction into the Pride. If the Pride Alpha falls in battle, an Adult from his Coalition will take his place. This cycle continues until the Coalition becomes too few in numbers at which time they step down. The other Coalitions of the Pride will then fight for the position. This ensures that the strongest and most cunning lead the Pride. The adults that step down immediately take up training position training cubs and the new Coalition in the use of Tactical Dreadnought Armor.

~I found this all a bit confusing, might be worth smoothing out a bit.

 

 

Marks of honor are displayed on the helmet and right arm in a similar fashion as the honor tattoos applied in the tribes. The same tattoos that are tattooed on Hannavas are allowed to be painted on the marines’ helmet and right arm.

~kind of repetitive, might be better to turn to a compound sentence such as "Brothers of the Pride wear the same tattoos of their former tribes as marks of honor and achievement, most often as embellishments on the arm and helm of their armor."

 

 

Nuts and bolts aside, I really like this chapter! As said, the homeworld's name is a clever bit. The color scheme and concept of honor/shame markings is also a very nice personal touch. Plus the double meaning of "Emperor's Pride" earned what could best be described as a delighted giggle. The battlecry, a space marine roaring like a lion...eek. Have you ever heard a lion in person? It's trouser-soiling in awesomeness. Now add a big chainsword and a pocket full of shells: instant surrender. I'd love to see some Banshees charge them, screaming and wailing, only to wet their skivvies at the roar that comes back at them.

 

As for the Chapter's new found purpose, the eradication of all things pointy eared, I wholeheartedly approve :tu: . Hopefully you'll be able to get some new inspiration when the goth half of the space-elf populous finally gets their new codex.

[Phlegon]

Thanks Firepower I'll check on all those spelling error, grammer is not my thing, just ask my wife :tu:

 

The battlecry, a space marine roaring like a lion...eek. Have you ever heard a lion in person? It's trouser-soiling in awesomeness.

I'm gonna sig that if you don't mind!

[Phlegon]

Ok so my muse dropped by this morning and I made some of the changes Firepower mentioned and added a new section about the Conclave of the Lost. However, grammer is still lacking and my wife will be going over that for me. (puts head in hands at his shame for slaying the English language) As always C&C most welcome.

 

Thanks

[Phlegon]

Ok, so I have cleaned up the grammer some thanks to my wife and tweaked and ironed out some of the harder spots of my IA. Thanks guys and gals for all your help, I hope that I am nearing the time when I can submit for entrance into the Librarium.

 

Thanks

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well I'm glad it's moving forward at such a pace. However, don't be discouraged if those Librarium staff come through and tear your work into little pieces, finding problems that you didn't even know existed. That's just what they do. ;)

[Phlegon]

Thanks Grey, yeah it kinda reminds me of the first time I went to a Soldier of the Year Board. I went thinkin I was sooooo squared away, and had a panel of Sergeants Major make me look like a complete idiot. ;)

[Firepower]

Far be it from me to question the Lioness on this, but there are still some whoopsies here and there.

 

The marines that landed at Hargars Reach Space Port were immediately overwhelmed, as this was where the largest contingent of Dark Eldar had stationed; using it to slaves from the planet.

Using it to ---- slaves...

 

Inquisitor Mon Diego’s shipped sat lifeless in high orbit over Dermose IV.

Shipped sat?

 

At the gates of Hargars Reach they found the Pride Lords ornate spear driven into the ground with his helmet resting atop of the spear.

Not a grammar error, just no very smooth. Try "haft" instead of the second "spear."

 

It is noted that a Coalitions member, once formed, never changes.

"member" should be something like "membership" if I read this correctly.

 

This cycle continues until the Coalition becomes too few in numbers at which time they step down and immediately take up training positions training cubs and will train the next Pride Alpha and his Coalition in the use of Tactical Dreadnought Armor.

3 "train" in a sentence. Again, try a synonym or two if you can. I think "cub" should be capitalized, too.

 

The Emperors Pride are a very devote chapter and they bring many beliefs of their primitive world to the chapter.

Devoted? Devout? Also, chapter-chapter.

 

This also comes from their home world where members of the tribe have their faces and right arm painted black to cover their tattoos since they had removed themselves from honor.

Nothing gramatically wrong here, but it could be put a bit smoother. "This practice is rooted in the culture of Havannas as well, where tribe members who put themselves ahead of their kin are shamed by painting their honor marks over with black; in their eyes, without the group, there is no worth in the individual." Something to that effect maybe. This is one of those little personalized tidbits that really give your Chapter character, so a bit of emphasis doesn't hurt ;) .

 

The Conclave of the Lost is annual meeting where all the Prides available return to Hannavas. These conclaves have been fundamental in the Prides since the fist; after the Dermose IV incident.

Not sure what "the fist" is meant to be. Also, annual meetings seem pretty unlikely for Astartes, they're busy beavers...er, lions. Most of the time when I've read about holidays and key events in a Chapter's calendar, they're anywhere from decades to a century apart.

 

 

Great to see you hammering out the dents and smoothing the corners bud, this idea has lots of promise. Do you plan to put an emphasis on spears considering the reference to the dead Chapter Master's weapon? Could be very Masai, which works well with the theme after all. I get a giggle out of the emphasis on community, too, considering how accurate it is in anthropological terms. Once you finally wrangle down all the grammar errors, you might want to turn an eye to repetition of a few key words. "Pride" is the biggest, though considering how central it is to the whole idea, that could be tricky :huh: . Have fun painting that Chapter Symbol though, super detailed :) .

[Phlegon]

Wow Firepower, you don't miss a thing do you! I had thought about running the spear theme in the army yes. I have also been toying with the idea of a utility style knife made from the bone of an Eldar though this idea is still very rough draft in my head. Having went back and read over the parts you pointed out I can see some really silly errors on my part that I'll get cleaned up. As for limiting the use of Pride in the IA I have thought of using "Chapter" in place of a few "Prides" as I feel even though they refer to themselves as Prides they are still in truth a Space Marine Chapter so it shouldn't hurt the overall feel to bad I don't think. Also I've read over a few of the IA in the librarium and I feel that mine is still lacking so my next main goal is to really "beef" mine up and start the cycle of poor grammer over. Thanks again for all the help, this project has went better and smoother than I could have ever imagined and I owe that to you guys and gals.

 

Thanks

[Phlegon]

Another small update, cleaning up some points Firepower pointed out. Over the next day or so I will begin beefing up the homeworld and beleif section with more information on the tribes themselves.