Index Astartes: Angels of the Storm 2.75

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

Index Astartes: Angels of the Storm

"None can stand our wrath for we are the right hand of doom"

Origin

Tactial Marine

The Angels of the Storm where founded in M32 form the Dark Angels. The Dark Angels where ask if they would train this new Chapter. They responded by sending Master Gabriel of the 4th Co. and a squad of veteran battle-brother. He and his brothers began to train and indoctrinating them in ways of the Dark Angels. They named the new chapter Angels of the Storm. Master Gabriel spent the next century training and arming the new Chapter. As soon as they became fully operational they began their crusade across the Gaelore sector. The Angels spent the next fifity years purging the sector by putting down rebellions, xeno forces and the forces of Chaos. Once the crusade had ended they began looking for a homeworld from which they could recruit from. This took several millennia to achieve and it wasn Edited November 24, 2012 by Master Gabriel Macleod

[Shinzaren]

Praise Be To Slaanesh!

 

In all seriousness, its a bit... bright? Plus the Purple and Gold immediately sets my thoughts to Slaanesh. Sowwy.

[Cpt_Reaper]

I see this Chapter as noble and royalty...what with gold and purple being royal colours and such.

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

I see this Chapter as noble and royalty...what with gold and purple being royal colours and such.

 

 

I agree, I'm thinking along the line of a knightly order, crusade chapter or an Unforgiven Chapter. if you guys have any ideaes let me know. if some could give me chapter icon ideaes as well that would help.

 

 

Thanks

 

Master Gabriel

[Cpt_Reaper]

Unforgiven tend to be darker with reds, blacks and silver. I suggest a crusading Chapter along the lines of Black Templars. you could have it so the Neophytes/scouts are the squire/knight in training type character.

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

I have made a small update still in ruff draft stage but this is what i have so far. C&C welcome

 

 

Thanks

 

Master Gabriel

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

NO C&C thats sad either my IA is good or it sucks horriblely.

 

Here is pic of what i might paint them.

 

 

Tactical Marine

 

http://i644.photobucket.com/albums/uu168/Khaine_01/spacemarine.jpg

 

 

Vet. Sgt.

 

http://i644.photobucket.com/albums/uu168/Khaine_01/spacemarinesergeantII.jpg

[Cpt_Reaper]

I like the new scheme. The way the gold has been reserved for the chest eagle doesn't overpower the purple but at the same time is brought out by the large grey areas.

[Shadey]

I have to ask, why would the Dark Angels object to "hunt the fallen with extreme prejudice and give no quarter" The Dark Angels do that themselves. Unless the Angels of the Storm techniques were threatening to reveal the secret, I can't possibly see the DA objecting. Certainly not enough to engender open warfare.

 

You should read through your article. There are a lot of tense errors and missing words, a little bit of repetition too. It's a fairly common mistake.

 

The Angels of the Storm where founded in M32 form the Dark Angels geneseed in response to a crusade in the Galidor Sector in order to reclaim the worlds for the Emperor

 

This sentence reads very unwieldy. Try cutting it into two sentences or rewording it to make it shorter.

 

Here is some bb code which may help you format your article. The first is a side bar, also available on the right side. Second is a black skull header, you can change text size, bold, italic as normal within the skull header or left/right sidebar text area.

 

[leftsidebar=title]text[/leftsidebar]
[skullheader=000000]text[/skullheader]

 

Your article is not bad, it just needs some work. ;)

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

I like the new scheme. The way the gold has been reserved for the chest eagle doesn't overpower the purple but at the same time is brought out by the large grey areas.

 

 

Thanks, the color scheme is good. But the Grey is actual Boltgun Metal with babad black wash.

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

Here is a small update. hope you like it. C&C welcome

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

Here is a small update. hope you like it. C&C welcome

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

No C&C thats odd. Well i hope you guys and gals like it. C&C are still welcome folks.

[Cpt_Reaper]

I have had a read though and am liking it so far. I shall re-read it after lunch and give you a more in-depth review

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

Here is a small update. As always C&C is most welcome

[Cpt_Reaper]

Just read through it and so far it seems well set out and makes sense. My only complaint, and it's a small one at that, is several grammatical errors. Fix those and it's well on it's way to being completed.

[The Normish]

Um... To be honest, I could barely understand what you write. I'm sure the ideas are very good from what I've read in the comments (and I'm surprised they haven't mentioned this EDIT: Oh, someone did), but your grammar, punctuation, and spelling needs to be improved.

 

Okay, now that that's out of the way, I can see if I can comment on the fluff itself.

The only large problem I see is your involvement in the Age of Apostasy. I'm pretty sure Imperial records would have remembered if you fought alongside the Imperial Fists and the Black Templars during the Second Siege of Terra, and if you provided orbital support. Best to stay out of the official fluff concerning that. On the other hand, you could expand on your role in putting down rebellions during that time. The collapse of Cardinal Bucharis's empire seems a perfect setting for that sort of thing.

 

Lastly, I'm not a Dark Angels player, so I'm not sure about this, but do all Dark Angels successors have the Deathwing and the Ravenwing? I thought it was unique to the originals.

 

If you need any more help, feel free to ask.

Edited September 11, 2010 by The Normish

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

Um... To be honest, I could barely understand what you write. I'm sure the ideas are very good from what I've read in the comments (and I'm surprised they haven't mentioned this EDIT: Oh, someone did), but your grammar, punctuation, and spelling needs to be improved.[/quote}

 

Thanks, i will fix those area that need fixing. As for spelling errors Im using Mircosoft Word which has spell and grammer checker(i truely love this feature).

 

 

If you need any more help, feel free to ask.

 

I will do just that.

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

Minor update, added more to the Homeworld and will have more on how they they gain more Battle-Brothers.

 

C&C is most welcome

[NightrawenII]

I do agree with The Normish, grammar, spelling and punctuaction is not your strong point.

 

The Angels of the Storm where founded in M32 from the Dark Angels geneseed in response to a crusade in the Galidor Sector. Master Gabriel spent the years(??) two and a half centuries training and arming the new Chapter. As soon as they became fully operational they began their crusade across the Galidor sector. The Angels spent the next hundred years purging the sector by putting down rebellions, xeno forces and the forces of Chaos. Once the crusade had ended they began looking for a homeworld from which they could recruit from. This took several millennia to achieve and it wasn

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

I do agree with The Normish, grammar, spelling and punctuaction is not your strong point.

 

The Angels of the Storm where founded in M32 from the Dark Angels geneseed in response to a crusade in the Galidor Sector. Master Gabriel spent the years(??) two and a half centuries training and arming the new Chapter. As soon as they became fully operational they began their crusade across the Galidor sector. The Angels spent the next hundred years purging the sector by putting down rebellions, xeno forces and the forces of Chaos. Once the crusade had ended they began looking for a homeworld from which they could recruit from. This took several millennia to achieve and it wasn

[NightrawenII]

If you have any ideas for my Chapter I would love to hear.

Not exactly about Chapter, but anyway:

 

The interaction between DIYer and Liberite is expected to be in the form of dialog. You should reply directly to the C&C, because this way we could understand, what are you trying to do and offer more in-depth help... or pack up our Argument and wander away, but this doesn't happen often. :)

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

If you have any ideas for my Chapter I would love to hear.

Not exactly about Chapter, but anyway:

 

The interaction between DIYer and Liberite is expected to be in the form of dialog. You should reply directly to the C&C, because this way we could understand, what are you trying to do and offer more in-depth help... or pack up our Argument and wander away, but this doesn't happen often. :D

 

 

Thank you again, I was looking for in depth C&C and any ideas to add to my DIY chapter to flush it out is most welcome. As for spelling I write in American English not Queens English so some words may be spelled different. Like Honor(American) or Honour(Queens) same word and meaing but different spelling.

Edited November 16, 2010 by Master Gabriel Macleod

[Master Gabriel Macleod]

I add to Homeworld and edit some of the IA. C&C as always welcome.

 

 

Thanks

Master Gabriel

Edited December 10, 2010 by Master Gabriel Macleod