Sons of the Daemon

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

The Sons have been updated! I have replaced everything from the point of the Emperor meeting Sorya forwards, although haven't added much to that replacement... I also made some minor edits to make the whole idea more workable.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I updated this while awaiting Shinzaren's judgement on the Wraiths. I am very unsure of what I just wrote, but I do know where I want to go with this.

[Ace Debonair]

Apologies if the following comes across as harsh and blunt, but when we tried reasoned discussion to talk you out of giving them all wings, it apparently didn't work. :lol:

 

It has been said that the first thing said by the now 2nd Legionare was "What have you done to me?" "The recorded response of the Emperor was "I have made you more like your father".

I find this whole 'wings' thing really, really hard to believe.

Seriously. Why the Emperor doesn't purge them out of existence and start over until he doesn't have a legion of obvious mutants is beyond me.

This was no easy task. The recruits went from mortal humans to creatures comparable to custodes, and their original number all felt shame at their mutations. This was because even the Space Wolves were not as mutated as they were, and only the Thousand Sons had to deal with something worse, that they called the 'flesh-change'. Thier mutations were not uniform like the Second's, and although they were more powerful than most astartes and equal to the Custodes, they were marred by their mottled, leathery skin, their almost foul complexion, and wings that had nothing angelic about them.

Sure they were. :lol:

Again, I find this extremely difficult to credit. One of the legions who was lost just happens to all have wings and be better than the rest of the legions at fighting. :blink:

 

Also: think about what happens when fans of two different legions argue who was better, for example, Ultramarines and Imperial Fists. Now imagine how both of them will react when faced with this information - a legion they've never heard of before is stated to be in a different league altogether than any of the existing legions. Now imagine how fans of every other pre-heresy legion would respond - it should be easy, because they'll all look at this chapter askance for being stated to be better than their favourites.

 

And that's only half the story, because then there's all the DIY chapter makers, like me, who don't like being told that another DIY chapter is categorically better at fighting than any that we make. :down:

 

And so the Second Legion came to the edge of the Imperium, ready to expand it. First, however, Sorya wished to meet his brother primarchs.

And then there was dialogue. :P

If it's absolutely essential, then put it in a sidebar. If it's not, then drop it and give us the gist of what happened (he managed to alienate everyone) rather than typing out a conversation.

 

You're already writing about a Legion, whch is already going to be bigger and more powerful than a regular chapter. Quite why you feel the need to stick wings on them and proclaim them as equal to the custodes is totally beyond me. Power does not equal personality. :wallbash: More importantly, power does not an interesting Chapter make. And that goes equally for a Legion. :wallbash:

 

EDIT: Bah, typos.

Bad keyboard machine spirit, bad.

Edited November 23, 2010 by Ace Debonair

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Power does not equal personality. :) More importantly, power does not an interesting Chapter make. And that goes equally for a Legion. :P

You think after all this time, I do not know this? Power is a tool to be used... A tool used to develop personality. They have power. They are not proud of it. They are shamed by it.

 

As to why they weren't purged? They were like their father, which the Emperor designed. They were mutants, yes, but so were astartes - they were just more mutated. And for that they were hated, mostly by themselves.

 

Humility is key here. Again I have failed to portray it in the legion, although I think I managed arrogance in their primarch.

 

I need to expand more on the Legion itself... Perhaps history first is not the way I should go. Hmmmm.

 

Combat doctrine...? In which all that is necessary will be explained? It could certainly be used to present the Legion's humility and shame better.