Index Astartes ++ Resplendent Scorpions

[Consul of Scorpions]

A Sergeant of the Resplendent Scorpions

Capitulum Scorpio Resplendere

T

he Resplendent Scorpions Chapter of Space Marines are an enigma to many, their origins are surrounded in mystery and rumor and they adhere to a document of questionable authority that supersedes the Codex Astartes on several key points, markedly their regular use of scout equipment even in fully initiated squads. While the greatest authorities of the Imperium often oppose many actions taken by the Chapter, they have the general support of many minor factions as well as a close kinship with their brother Chapters, namely the highly independent Raven Guard and its successors. The greatest asset of the Resplendent Scorpions is their willingness to sacrifice greatly of themselves and their pride in order to protect the Imperial citizenry; this trait alone has saved them from being targeted by the larger and more influential factions within the Imperial machine. The 889th Chapter stands as a gleaming symbol of martial prudence, strength of unity, and the price of honorable conduct.

Fatum Abdocumentum 'Adacto Carta Fundatio'

The best clues as to the details bound in secrecy about the origins, purpose, and founding of the Resplendent Scorpions lie within the Founding Charter, dated 0240348.M41, which holds, with the authority of the Emperor, their objectives, rites, and strictures as a Chapter. As only the High Lords of Terra can commission such a document legally (though none dare think of who might attempt to forge such documents), the Adacto Carta Fundatio remains a great point of contention as none of the High Lords admits to contracting the document; indeed the subject is often avoided. The most direct questioning of the Charter has been through the Emperor’s Tarot, which reveals, in no certain terms, that the Resplendent Scorpions will play a vital role in the Providence of Man, but only at the cost of doom and ruin for the Chapter and any that stand against the Emperor. The Founding Charter has been questioned and although it is the most revered artefact of the Chapter, outsiders have been permitted to read it under dire circumstances and the strictest of precautions and purification rites (primarily ritual fasting and contemplation of the later works by the Chapter’s philosopher-generals) to confirm the Chapter’s licensed eccentricities. The grants provided by the Charter are faithful in their interpretation of the Codex Astartes; however, the stipulations and restrictions provided in the document require a few radical diversions in tactics and most notably, the Chapter’s organization, which officially marks them as a Non-Codex Chapter. The Charter itself reads much like the sanction of a penitent crusade and there are no limits to the rumors regarding this and the Chapter’s designation, DCCCLXXXIX (889), and its relation to the former Star Scorpions Chapter, who held the designation 888 (now held by the Mentor Legion). There is evidence to substantiate this rumor as it has been revealed, by both the Chapter’s relic-keepers and guests that have studied the document, that the Chapter’s designating number was written in later on than the remainder of the document.

Fons et Origo ++ Capitulum DCCCLXXXIX Adeptus Astartes, Scorpio Resplendere

++Thought for the day + Look twice lest you miss the heretic in your midst++
My venerable lord, upon looking into the matter of utmost concern to your brethren, I meekly present no news of import. This in itself is distressing as both genevaults in question show no evidence of being accessed within the specified timeframe, nor do any of our logs indicate that any access to the Vault of the Lion beyond that sanctioned by the decree your esteemed eminences. A scrutari team is currently triple-checking the stasis seals on the other vault and have yet to discover evidence of any tampering with the void gate. I must admit I am loath to dispose of such dedicated talent and the decision to cease the investigation without substantiation of your suspicions weighs heavily upon my soul.
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However, while the scene of this potential heresy is void of any culprit or clue, archivus drones have discovered a visit to this facility by your beneficence that does not correlate with your known records of travel. Indeed, my lord, you would have had to have been in two places at once if this datalog proves correct. I dare not draw hypotheses regarding this matter and will commit my unworthy flesh to mind-scrubbed servitude pending the conclusion of this critical assignment you have bestowed upon an honored servant. Accompanying this report is a genelocked and codified datarod containing all information pertinent to your requests; the encryption should be familiar to your excellence’s august memory Ω
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Tempus Sic Obsidere

Brothers Bound

The Resplendent Scorpions have no homeworld; they are selected from youths all across the galaxy, checked against a stringent standard set in the Chapter’s Founding Charter, and grow to full brotherhood aboard one of the many vessels in the Unbroken Fleet. As the fleet itself rarely divides its forces across more than one campaign, the Chapter initiate learns to depend on his battle brothers, but also rely on his independent strengths because of their small number. So, while the entire force might tackle a foe together, individual squads frequently split into combat teams to accomplish multiple objectives on the battlefield and deploy in supporting positions or, rarely, alone on a secondary objective from the main deployment of force.

Halls of Wonder

The Chapter’s single Battlebarge, the 'Dolorous Ascendancy' is another piece of the puzzle of their origins as it has been retrofitted, or perhaps commissioned in its entirety, with rare examples of older technologies mostly lost to the forge world manufactoria of the forty-first millennium. The 'Dolorous Ascendancy' is far more defensive than most imperial designs and lacks a great deal of raw firepower but more than makes up for the loss of overt strength with tactical flexibility and a great deal of strategic power as its enhanced sensor arrays can pick out targets, strengthen allied communications signals, or cast a field of blinding static.

Feathers of the Aquila

The artisans of the Resplendent Scorpions forge the honor known as the Iron Halo into a large ornate feather according to a favorite line of the Adacto Carta Fundatio, “…those remarkable amongst yourselves shall carry a feather of My Aquila as a sign of his outstanding service to the multitude…” As such, a great deal of relics and honors bear the iconography of eagle’s wings and seem to be an overt theme among much of the Chapter’s design ethos.

Eternal Expedition

What little is known of the Founding Charter, a document that is barred from those outside the Chapter, the Resplendent Scorpions have been charged with, quote: “…restoration of the Emperor’s Worlds; to bring splendor, faith, and hope where there is naught but darkness, debauchery, and despair…”. To this end, it is assumed, with the aid of various collated reports, that the Resplendent Scorpions have made a complex circuit that crosses the Imperial fold three dozen times or more, taking them to worlds forgotten by the stroke of a pen or lost to the eddies of time and space. Their involvement of greater conflicts within the Imperial History is a consequence of this constant traveling and the Chapter has fought every enemy man knows on at least one occasion and most often several. A number of minor rebellions can be laid at the feet of the Resplendent Scorpions, however, these charges have been defended as carrying out their Charter and instigating conflicts that would have happened given enough time, the Chapter’s involvement guiding the conflict into a resolution in which the Imperium benefited, which arguably, many times it has, if only slightly. Only once has the meddling of the Resplendent Scorpions caused a tithe to be late, in which the Chapter itself took pains upon themselves to redress the error with interest, though it still earned the ire of the Forge World the tithe was destined to, no punitive action was taken. Arguably, the Resplendent Scorpions have taken liberty in the affairs of other organizations and this in itself has been ground for numerous skirmishes and calls of excommunication against them, but there always seems to be a deed or more rarely an influential organization that vouches for their actions, which has also caused further suspicions against the Chapter.

The Rout on Denethos Minor + 743.M41

The single greatest defeat of the Resplendent Scorpions is recorded at the feet of the Imperator Adorare in a slab of annealed and blackened diamond, the laser-chiseled script standing out from the midnight black surface in a brilliance that draws the eye from a distance, ensuring that the Chapter’s shame is never forgotten or hidden. The incident is known in other records as the Third Siege of Denethos in which a recalcitrant clade of humanity was encountered and efforts were made to induct the people of Denethos into the Imperium. Unlike most societies recovered from the Age of Strife, the orbitals and spires of Denethos had grown, aided by their advanced technologies. Protected by several stellar phenomenon that made nearby worlds inhospitable or the space around them exceedingly dangerous to traverse, including the warp storm known as the Arms of Kali around which the Denethos System circled, nestled between the storm’s erratically swaying arms, the people of Denethos flourished over the millennia. Denethos Prime is one of several artefact worlds in the system, exhibiting artificial features similar to the great pylons on Cadia.
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The rout in question was initially of little consequence to the greater offensive being waged across the stellar system and is generally disregarded, though it is often regarded as the defining moment of the campaign by studious historians. The conflict saw the ancient edifices of the Denethosian people obliterated by order of Exterminatus and resulted in the destruction of two full Guard regiments that had been left planetside as the two colonized worlds of Denethos Prime and Denethos Minor were set aflame by inferno bombs. Vortex charges ripped the nigh-impregnable orbitals apart and scattered the crippled remains into the gravity wells of their respective planets. On Denethos Minor the Resplendent Scorpions endured a major schism within their ranks. The bloody fighting on that world had required multiple deployments of troops and supplies as well as the best of the Chapter’s tactical flexibility. The unaugmented troops of Denethos, while smaller in number than the massive regiments raised against them, were better equipped and trained by several magnitudes and proved a difficult foe for even the crack troops of the Imperium. Denethosian bunkers resisted initial strikes from orbit and on occasion struck back with great ferocity, necessitating a costly ground assault to take or destroy the installations without the promise of naval support. Several Chapters of Space Marines, the Resplendent Scorpions among them, were called in to solve the problem of the Denethosian meat grinder.
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A detachment from an Imperial Fist Successor Chapter, the Castellans, known for its skill in breaking through the strongest blockades, took to breaking the defences of the Buried Spires of Denethos Prime. The Castellans suffered heavy losses and failed to break the defences of more than a single spire by the time Exterminatus was sanctioned. The Resplendent Scorpions were the second to arrive, and seeing the Castellans Cahpter stalled on Denethos Prime, moved to break the defenses of Denethos Minor with their deceptive strategy of feints and misdirection. Monitoring the progress in the Imperial battle lines and seeing their brothers flounder against the walls of a single spire, the Legio Tactica committed to several siege-breaking actions similar to those employed by the Castellans Chapter. Knowing that the two worlds had maintained an unbroken line of heavily encrypted communications relayed by the many well-defended orbitals about the system, the Resplendent Scorpions cut off one fortress’s ability to receive messages. By positioning their Battlebarge, the 'Dolorous Ascendancy', above the installation and making use of its sophisticated 'Aegis' electronic warfare array to block incoming transmissions and garble any outgoing signals, the underground fortress was isolated. Working with elements of the One Hundred Thirty-Second Tallarn Regiment, the Chapter set up a ground and air cordon around the bunker’s entrances, having observed several distantly placed entrances used by message runners after the communications blackout was enacted.
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The plan was simple in theory; fully armored elements of the Chapter would attempt a predictable siege-breaking operation with assistance from the 132nd’s artillery company which would be left open along its flank. The idea was to draw out a raiding force from the installation as an element in the cordon provided a lapse in security to make the strike against the vulnerable siege party, but supporting elements with the Resplendent Scorpions failed to reinforce their brothers, causing the ploy to fail, wasting the effort of several months of planning and maneuvers. Worse still, the Legio Armatus instigated conflict with supporting elements from Legio Salire, causing a large disruption that the Denethosian troops took advantage of, sallying forth in greater numbers, slaughtering the 132nd Tallarn Regiment, and inflicting heavy casualties and loss of equipment upon the Resplendent Scorpions. With the Imperial chokehold of Denthos Minor slipping with a hole in their lines, the entire campaign against the Denethosians was threatening to collapse and, ultimately turn into a grueling victory for the Denthosians; Exterminatus was sanctioned to end the issue.
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As inferno bombs consumed the atmosphere of both worlds, trapping the Denethosians in their bunkers to slowly starve and suffocate while the agricultural facilities that had been mainly stationed in the system’s orbitals were torn asunder by vortex bombs, the Resplendent Scorpions held trial aboard the 'Dolorous Ascendancy'. Eventually, responsibility for the insurrection was placed upon the shoulders of both Captains of the Fourth Legion, several sergeants that had spread their propaganda, and the Seventh Consul, Aurelius Mercaddon, who fomented the rebellious sentiments in the hearts of the Legio Armatus Captains. All charged with guilt in leading the disastrous rout were stripped of title, rank, armament, and honor according to the tradition of 'gulag' that had been instituted only a few times before in the Chapter’s history and never to so many marines at one time.
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In the past, gulag had only been sentenced in the case of lone marines completely defying the edicts of the Chapter and they had always been left stranded near the location of their crime. As Denethos was neither inhabitable anymore and the system was relatively isolated, the group of former marines were given a small yacht captured from the Denethosian shipyards and sent away before Imperial authorities could muster the initiative to come after them; the Chapter managed to stall inquiries into the matter until an Inquisitor became involved almost thirty years later. The issue of allowing known traitors to live almost resulted in the Chapter’s Excommunication, but the charges against them were dropped as soon as the tradition was referenced from the Founding Charter itself in the three hundred and seventeenth line of the document. “…And if traitors shall rise in your midst, strip them of honor and cast them out with naught but their life and a garment of sackcloth so that they may know their failure and despair until the Emperor grants them respite by His own hand…”

Chapter Organization

Newly founded, the Resplendent Scorpions are equipped for rapid strikes, feints, and guerilla warfare, though, when necessary they take to the field dressed uniformly in Mk8 'Errant' Pattern powered plate, but are most often deployed in the stealthier powered carapace normally equipped solely to the neophyte space marine scouts. While the Errant Pattern armor is rare, though some suits incorporate older marks of armor to replace pieces damaged in battle, the chapter has sufficient numbers to equip fully five companies, marking their regular use of scout carapace as a deviation from codex standards. The Resplendent Scorpions number just over five hundred battle brothers and neophyte initiates. The measure of fully initiated brother-marines has been steadily climbing from the original century they were formed as, numbers having tripled since the chapter’s founding. However, high attrition rates among initiates forced into front-line duties or lacking proper support from a fully equipped and manned chapter have kept the neophyte company around two hundred hopefuls. The Resplendent Scorpions are led by two Consuls, both equivalent in rank to a Chapter Master, who share the duties of command of the entire Chapter. The Chapter Fleet is based around the battle barge 'Dolorous Ascendancy', which has been fitted to serve as a mobile station and operations nerve center more than a planetary bombardment and assault platform. Added to this the chapter operates only two strike cruisers, the 'Aurum Fervor' and 'Verdant Sting', that act as the main stations of deployment for the Chapter’s campaigns. This core of the Fleet Command is supported by a large number of rapid strike vessels and other escorts, many of which spread the burden of hosting manufactoria and genevaults within their armored hulls, further increasing the doctrine of cautious planning and economical victories.
The Chapter is generally deployed entirely with each campaign they take on, and while they have participated in fewer actions than most Chapters because of their youth and singular focus, they tend to have a higher rate of success in comparison to all but the oldest of chapters. As such, Companies are only formed on an as-needed basis, the formal documents laying out the organization of the chapter should it eventually reach its full strength dictate four divisions of skill, each labeled as a 'Legio' or Legion. The few veterans make up the First Legion, which also incorporates the High Command, including the Chapter’s Consuls, Reclusiam, Librarium, Armory, Fleet Command, and Apothecarion, for this reason the First Legion is also known as the Legio Mandatum, or Command Legion. A single Captain leads the First Legion, he is appointed for his martial skill, initiative, and wisdom on the field. The Second Legion is analogous to Codex Battle Companies and is referred to as the Legio Tactica, five Captains are posted in the Second Legion and are responsible for arranging a majority of battle plans according to the strategic mandates of the High Command. The Second Legion has authority to requisition elements from the other Legions in order to carry out its plans, however, the other Captains, including those within the Second Legion may call one another to task for mismanagement of Chapter resources. Mismanagement is a charge that often results in a demotion of one party or both and can take a great deal of time to resolve, so it is invoked only in the most grievous of circumstances. Only one instance exists on record where the Seventh Consul, Aurelius Mercaddon was found guilty along with the Captains of the Fourth Legion of perpetrating mismanagement under conspiracy of internal rebellion. The sentence of 'gulag', or being stripped bare and cast out from the Chapter, was considered harsher than the execution that Imperial authorities decried the Chapter for not employing, but the guilty parties had already been gone over three decades by the time the issue came to light outside the halls of the Chapter. The Third Legion, Legio Salire, hosts its assault troops and rapid strike vehicles such as Bikes and Land Speeders, the Resplendent Scorpions are noteworthy in their greater use of the new Land Speeder Storm variant and have even converted old and damaged speeders into the Storm variant to supply their appetites for the transport skimmer. The Third Legion also trains their brethren in the use of the jump pack and specializes in light armor mobility, famed among their brother for being able to assail enemy forces from their rear, even cutting between the main force and the rearguard to strike vulnerable elements that would normally have been protected by the enemy reserves. The Fourth Legion is highly mechanised and is closely tied with the Chapter’s Armorers and bears the title of Legio Armatus. The Fourth Legion deploys a majority of the Chapter’s heavy weapons in the form of Devastator Squads and Predator Tanks, the legion also trains drivers for the APCs of the Second and First Legions as well as taking charge of the very few Land Raiders the Chapter was gifted with during their founding. Both the Third and Fourth Legions have two Captains. The few venerable members of the Chapter that have been graced with interment in the cybernetic sarcophagi that allow them to drive a Dreadnought chassis are placed in the caring hands of both the Chapter Armourers and the Reclusiam. Thunderhawk wings are seconded to Fleet Command which functions as transport, home, and watchful observer to the entire Chapter.

Troubles Abroad, Allies Near and Far

Due to the rumors surrounding the Resplendent Scorpions, the Imperial Authorities are generally suspicious and can be outright malicious towards them, however, the Chapter’s actions speak for themselves and those across the galaxy that know the name often look favorably upon them. While not directly or individually responsible for any major gains, the Resplendent Scorpions Chapter has acted in support of their more trusted brethren and allied Imperial forces in major events such as the First War of Armageddon, the invasions of the later two Tyranid Hive Fleets, as well as Abbadon’s Thirteenth Black Crusade. Even if the higher authorities within the Imperium do not favor the Scorpions, elements within the Imperial Navy, Imperial Guard, Inquisition, and their brother Chapters (most notably the Raven Guard and its successor chapters) lend their support and backing when able and have saved the Chapter from more than one Inquisitorial Purge, Mechanicus Siege, or Ecclesiastic Crusade.

Council of the Raven

Though they have been raised to fighting strength by elements of the Raven Guard and brothers of their successor chapters, the Raven Guard and its successors only serve as honored mentors to the Resplendent Scorpions, evidenced by the marked separation of Non-Chapter or 'Acapitulum' marines from the hierarchy of the Chapter. Marines descended from the lineage of Corax, originally one Chaplain and twelve veteran sergeants, the number is now nine, serve as an advisory council to the Chapter. The Council of the Raven frequently rotates its members and recently has inducted councilors from other chapters with a trend of giving one of the nine veteran seats to each of the other eight lines of loyalist geneseed in turn, retaining the Chaplaincy and the remaining eight veteran seats solely for the descendants of Corax. There have yet to be two non-Raven Councilors serving on the Council at the same time.

A Pantheon of Heroes

Because their origins are expunged, the Resplendent Scorpions have always venerated the nine Loyalist Primarchs in equal measure with the Emperor being reserved a seat of greater honor in the Main Promenade, sometimes called the 'Atrium of Idols', aboard the Chapter’s Battlebarge, the 'Dolorous Ascendancy'. A gigantic statue of each Primarch adorns one of twenty massive prayer-alcoves along the Main Promenade of the Battlebarge, leaving eleven empty and draped in black in eternal reminder of the Fall of Horus and those eight others that fell from grace under him. At one end of the Promenade, a large idol to the Emperor of Mankind is wrapped in hammered bronze and gold, called the Imperator Adorare, and serves as the foyer to the Chapter’s Reclusiam as well as the Librarium and Reliquary Chamber. As the gatehouse to the ship’s bridge, the Imperator Adorare is protected by a fortress complex and is effectively walled off from the rest of the Promenade behind adamantine gates and walls bristling with guns.

The Rites of Contemplation

The Resplendent Scorpions have very few practices and traditions; the most notable among them is the penned works of the Chapter’s Consuls and other influential officers, a collection of philosophical and strategic essays dealing with various battlefield maneuvers, dissertations on enemy forces, and the ethics of conduct on the battlefield. Most numerous and respected of these writings are those composed by the Epistolary Desiderius Erasmus, killed in psychic battle during the Third Tyrannic War, which expound upon the honorable restraint and sacrifice shown by the best of the Astartes. Often regarded as allegorical tales written to highlight the benefits to the Chapter and the Imperium of such altruism, the Erasmian sagas exemplify the bravery and devotion of space marines from numerous chapters across a great span of time. The sagas are frequently criticized by external authorities, especially those that are set within the time of the Horus Heresy, for speaking against the teachings of the Imperial Creed, a sentiment that the Chaplains seem to disagree with and have frequently argued on the side of their Chapter’s heritage.

The Nikaean Sanction, Keepers of Lore and Brotherhood

Due to the infamy of the Relictors and their penchant for chaos-bound artefacts, the Resplendent Scorpions, being rumored to also be of dual genetic lines, have suffered a sanction from the highest authority limiting the Librarium to barely a handful of fully trained and equipped psykers. They are charged with not only preserving the history of the Chapter and training combat psykers from the gifted among their brothers, but also purging any taint that arises within the Chapter, being solely responsible should their fate be that of the Excommunicated. As such, the Librarium is headed by a single Epistolary and two Codiciers, whom train half a dozen Acolytum to take their place. The Acolytum are intentionally restricted from training in the finer aspects of psychic manifestation until one or more of their elders join their forbearers in the Crematorium or the Hall of the Interred, being taught enough to protect themselves from the predations of Chaos and to negate psychic attack. Because of this, the Librarians of the Resplendent Scorpions are known for their skill at erecting psychic bulwarks, if at the cost of being relatively novice at manifesting more aggressive psychic phenomenon. The Keepers of the Librarium are revered for their wisdom (or at least access to wisdom of previous Keepers) in many matters, but most especially relating to rumors of their maintaining a closely guarded patchwork historical lore of the Horus Heresy and the traitor legions involved in it. Many items of chapter history and knowledge are kept in the Librarium, especially the full and original works of many contributors to the Rites of Contemplation which itself is kept within the Reclusiam.

Origin Expunged

The Resplendent Scorpions’ progenitors have been struck from all available records and much rumor surrounds their purpose and origin. Many point to the selection of Raven Guard and their successors as evidence that the Resplendent Scorpions are descendants of Corax’s legacy, further weight is given to this theory due to the Chapter’s non-codex implementation of full battle brothers in scout carapace. However, their combat doctrine of pinning the enemy down with a decoy before delivering a decisive strike operation goes against some of the tenants of the Raven Guard and their reliance on support from various elements of the Chapter and its Fleet point towards their lineage deriving from either the Ultramarines or the Imperial Fists. Further evidence against the Chapter being of Corax’s flesh is that they display none of the typical mutations common among the Raven Guard or its successors, or even any mutations at all. Conversely, there have been rumors of rare exceptions to this vaunted purity where a neophyte succumbs to a cascade of often-fatal mutations, necessitating a thorough investigation of any geneseed related to the initiates and sanction against possible taint. The Chapter has been compliant with requests for outside testing, and examples of submitted genetic material have posed further quandaries as to their origins, though samples of purged material have never been forthcoming and such requests have sparked numerous assaults on the Chapter’s fleet by various forces within the Imperium. In addition, the Resplendent Scorpions show tight combat discipline and oft times refuse to abandon a position when other forces would leave it to the enemy, pointing to descending from the Dark Angels Chapter. This stubbornness is most notable when their retreat would leave a civilian population vulnerable and many marines on the Chapter’s Roll of Honor have received posthumous decoration for selling their lives dearly so that populations could be evacuated in the wake of an enemy advance. Some talk of mixed origins like the infamous Relictors Chapter and a rare few persons risk talking of the darkest gossip, that the High Lords of Terra never sanctioned the Resplendent Scorpions and even the blasphemous employment of the genetic material saved from a traitor legion to construct the Chapter.

• ‘Blaze with Splendor, Brothers, that the Enemies of Mankind be Blinded to Their Ultimate Defeat!’ – Battlecry of the Resplendent Scorpions, often shortened to ‘Blaze with Splendor!’
• ‘Vel Exuviae Triumphant!’ + Even in defeat triumphant
• ‘Aucto Splendore Resurgo!’ + I rise again with greater splendor
• ‘Mente et Manu!’ + With mind and hand
• ‘By the Tarot, our doom will be yours!’ – a humorous slogan often spoken in dire situations, origins in 743.M41 during the Rout on Denethos Minor
  

• ‘Pin the Enemy by his Throat, then Deliver the Telling Blow, that is the way of the Scorpion’ – Chaplain Margrave reciting the Rites of Contemplation
• ‘Amat Victoria Curam’ + Victory likes careful preparation – Second Legion motto
• ‘Estis Servatus Etsi Estis Obscenus’ + Be saved even though you are filthy – motto of the Reclusiam
• ‘Veteri Frondescit Honore’ + Ever green with ancient honor – given to those who earn the veteran’s laurels
• ‘So, it is you who will fulfill the Tarot’ – the closest thing to humor when confronted by an Imperial authority that seems to wish ill of the Chapter
  

[NightrawenII]

After reading, it was not a easy task believe me :) , my feelings are mixed.

 

- I'm biased towards "chapters shrouded in mystery", (but I'm biased towards "guy xxx is tactical genius. ..is the best psyker in the Imperium" and the like too) so I prefer subtle hints, rather than hitting your audience with mystery-hammer.

 

- ... they adhere to a document of questionable authority that supersedes the Codex Astartes on several key points, markedly their regular use of scout equipment even in fully initiated squads.

This reads like they are following some heretical or blasphemous teaching. Try re-word it a bit.

2nd a common mistake made by not so well educated diyers (joke :lol: ), the Codex is not a single book with one printed edition. In fact, the Codex is a living document, with parts added and changed over centuries. Also the Chapter's versions vary from one copy to other, for example the Novamarines version contains articles absent from Omegamarines version, while there is article clearly contradicting with say Raptors version.

 

- While the greatest authorities of the Imperium often oppose many actions taken by the Chapter, they have the general support of many minor factions...

I would be wary to say that, the high authorities have always means to prove their point. Celestial Lions could talk a lot about this one.....

 

The Charter itself reads much like the sanction of a penitent crusade and there are no limits to the rumors regarding this and the Chapter’s designation, DCCCLXXXIX (889), and its relation to the former Star Scorpions Chapter, who held the designation 888 (now held by the Mentor Legion). There is evidence to substantiate this rumor as it has been revealed, by both the Chapter’s relic-keepers and guests that have studied the document, that the Chapter’s designating number was written in later on than the remainder of the document.

... gene seed of the Star Scorpions survived, although the mutated gene-seed made Adeptus Mechanicus efforts to rebuild the Chapter futile. 'nuff said.

 

... including the recent Storm variant Land Speeder

Assumption on your part. The LS Storm invention date has never been stated.

 

Newly founded, the Resplendent Scorpions are

Ahem, if the date of Adacto Carta Fundatio is the date of their founding. Then your Chapter is 25th Founding and not very young IMHO.

 

The Resplendent Scorpions number just over five hundred battle brothers and neophyte initiates. The measure of fully initiated brother-marines has been steadily climbing from the original century they were formed as, numbers having tripled since the chapter’s founding.

Uhm, but What?

 

Chapter Organisation -> I don't like it, it's too cumbersome and divergent for the divergency sake to my taste.

 

The Council of the Raven, Some reason for this? The training cadre returns to their respective Chapter after the task is done.

 

Due to the infamy of the Relictors and their penchant for chaos-bound artefacts, the Resplendent Scorpions, being rumored to also be of dual genetic lines, have suffered a sanction from the highest authority limiting the Librarium to barely a handful of fully trained and equipped psykers.

This is a stretch. Most of "Cursed' founding Chapters teeter on the brink of being disbanded due their geneseed instability, yet they are not restricted like your marines are.

 

Geneseed section - Oh, God-Emperor preserve us! Another mystery-hammer into face. ^_^

 

Overall it's good, but you should tone down the mystery and "everyone-hates-us-but-we-are-good-guys-wink-wink" theme.

[Consul of Scorpions]

Heh, 'mystery-hammer'. Originally it was going to be straight out "they use traitor geneseed and mix it with the legacy of the dark angels" but I was advised agaisnt that, but I can see your point in that I did kind of run a complete 180 and throw in tons of Red Herrings, blatant misdirection, and idle speculation to avoid coming right out with the truth, but I do think the hints were directed towards leaving the reader with a proper conclusion if they thought the article was interesting enough to pay attention to the details. I don't find it hard to separate the facts from lies, but I also wrote the damn thing, so maybe you are right on the hammer bit (or maybe you're just dense, no offense, just covering my speculative bases).

 

"Fons et Origio" is actually supposed to imply this IA is based more in fluff than absolute statement, being a collation (I beleive the magos even said 'collated' in his opening statements) of lore gathered from the bits and pieces left behind as the Chapter has made its travels across the Imperium. The general mystery is also to represent the partially decoded ciphers of the document. Basically, I tried to reach a middle-ground between the "in-universe omniscient" and "in-character" styles, though in doing so I probably made it that much harder for the reader to figure out.

 

...is 25th Founding and not very young IMHO...

I alluded to the fact that they were established after the 25th founding (maybe) and have barely 700 years of service under their belt at the conclusion of the Fall of Medusa V. They are a young chapter, not the youngest, obviously, but young enough to still be considered green (IMO).

 

On low numbers: they've been involved in a number of conflicts and have to recruit from what's available along the way to the next sector or segmentum, the Chapter does not have the option of picking worlds with a high turnout of neophytes and loitering in the area.

 

Assumption on your part. The LS Storm invention date has never been stated.

Yes, but while there's nothing saying I'm right, there's nothing saying I'm wrong either, so I'll assume away until I can find some canon to require alterations.

 

2nd a common mistake made by not so well educated diyers (joke ), the Codex is not a single book with one printed edition. In fact, the Codex is a living document, with parts added and changed over centuries. Also the Chapter's versions vary from one copy to other, for example the Novamarines version contains articles absent from Omegamarines version, while there is article clearly contradicting with say Raptors version.

I'm aware of this, the Charter is a document seperate from the general principles of the Codex and while the chapter probably would include it into their version of the Codex, it claims higher authority than the conventional authors. The Rites of Contemplation are better candidates for inclusion in the Codex than the Charter. I also thought using scout armor on full marines would be something that would be considered drastically divergent from traditions in place even before the Codex was penned (i.e. space marines wear full power armor).

 

Chapter Organisation -> I don't like it, it's too cumbersome and divergent for the divergency sake to my taste.

As someone famous here once said "I know what I like".

 

This is a stretch. Most of "Cursed' founding Chapters teeter on the brink of being disbanded due their geneseed instability, yet they are not restricted like your marines are.

I would Consider the Resplendent Scorpions something of a Cursed Founding, however the restrictions derive from the Charter, not from their practices or genetic abnormalities.

 

On "we're really nice guys, I swear, cross my heart and hope to die": I tried making it grimdark, I really did, but my personal leanings crept in and took over while I was showering the IA in loving detail. It's pretty much anathema to my personality to not leave my works vomiting rainbows and eliminating piles of gold from their posteriors. Overall, I think I kept that in check, so I count it a personal success even though operationally I have something of a major revision on my hands. Again this was slightly intentional: I knew I was going to be too light-hearted; and I also knew the entities that put this document together would see the chapter in the same light, but for different reasons (i.e. walking the line between being soft in their execution of duties and outright traitorous).

 

Actually, the Resplendent Scorpions being nicer than the average marine is the only thing that allows them to operate at all, since they neither have the outright condemnation nor overt support of the larger and more puritanical factions in all of the large Adepti (except the Astartes which seem to regard their brothers with mixed feelings), being nice and having allies in small places all over allow the Chapter to get what they need when they need it, if not in the quantities they'd like, without compromising their vision or path.

 

This leads into the issues with the Council of the Raven, it's one of those friends in low places, how or why they exist is something that I haven't really solved yet and would prefer to leave for idle speculation by the reader. I saw this as giving the Raven Guard and their successors a nod to their eccentric nature and a sort of offical yet detached base of legitimacy and support. It's a little bit of Deus Ex Machina, but so is every explanation "why does the main character succeed at his tasks?" because he had the right skills, character, or connections to get the job done; it's all a form of deliverance by the author, soem are just more obvious about the gifts they bestow their heroes and, correct me if i'm wrong, but I think I was subtle enough about it.

 

I hope I don't sound like I'm defending my choices, only arguing my points and intentions. I knew in posting this I would be getting a great deal of flak for making a 'mysterious good guy' chapter and I welcome criticism that help dull the edge of my Chapter's righteousness. The Rout on Denethos Minor was an attempt at that, having their internal strife be the indirect cause of the extermination of a thriving and technically advanced human society, but I recognize that it was incompetence in the ranks and not a flaw in the ideology that caused the problem in the first place (but then their ideology causes enough problems for the Chapter already). I think there's also a hinting that the ideology itself instigates these internal conflicts, as it was mentioned that smaller cases of insubordination and mismanagment have occured, the RoDM was just the biggest and most calamatous instance.

 

There's also something to be said for the fact that these problem-causing marines are not executed, but are instead set loose upon the worlds in which they fail and are entirely capable, with their Chapter's focus on stealth, infiltration, and general sneaky tactics, of finding a way off their place of exile and finding new employment with recidivists, mercenaries, and Chaos worshippers. If anything, this is the grimdark aspect of the Chapter now that I think about it, their tradition of clemency has great potential to sow dozens of seeds of destruction throughout the Imperium; the fact that they're really nice to everyone just makes it worse and entirely appropriate for the setting (ref. Blood Drinkers Chapter and their very special Chaplain). "The Road to Hell is Paved With Good Intentions" and all that jazz.

[Octavulg]

Index Astartes: Sanctioned by the Emperor

 

This starts things out on the wrong foot. It makes it seem like you're trying too hard to be special. Plus, all Chapters are sanctioned by the Emperor. Ignore the way he's dead. Pay no attention to the Magos behind the curtain.

 

A Sergeant of the Resplendent Scorpions

 

Might I recommend being the Scorpions Resplendent instead? Having overlong in-front-of-name-adjectives kind of breaks the flow a bit.

 

Also, ow. That's not that pretty.

 

Capitulum Scorpio Resplendere

 

Gratuitous Latin is a good way to lose. There are four options: 1) your audience understands it. That's the best case scenario. 2) They don't understand it. 3) They misunderstand it. Or 4) They understand it and correct your grammar.

 

Plus, the British Empire ruled a quarter of the Earth. The Romans couldn't even handle the entire Mediterranean. Clearly, English is the superior language for our purposes. And, logically, for all purposes.

 

The Resplendent Scorpions Chapter of Space Marines are an enigma to many, their origins are surrounded in mystery and rumor and they adhere to a document of questionable authority that supersedes the Codex Astartes on several key points, markedly their regular use of scout equipment even in fully initiated squads. While the greatest authorities of the Imperium often oppose many actions taken by the Chapter, they have the general support of many minor factions as well as a close kinship with their brother Chapters, namely the highly independent Raven Guard and its successors. The greatest asset of the Resplendent Scorpions is their willingness to sacrifice greatly of themselves and their pride in order to protect the Imperial citizenry; this trait alone has saved them from being targeted by the larger and more influential factions within the Imperial machine. The 889th Chapter stands as a gleaming symbol of martial prudence, strength of unity, and the price of honorable conduct.

 

Short and punchy, young man. Short and punchy. You can learn a lot from Zero Punctutation. Your first sentence could easily be three. Perhaps even four.

 

Also, as I have said so many times before, equipment and tactical quirks are not intrinsically interesting. Chapters need interesting and unique aspects of their character, not unique and interesting formations. The Space Wolves are attractive because of the ale and wolfisheness, which expresses itself through their tactical quirks. Ditto almost every Chapter but the Dark Angels, who are attractive because Terminators are AWESOME, and everybody knows it.

 

The Ultramarines have the "people try to keep them down, but people love them anyway" schtick down. Remember Calgar's trial for heresy in the 3e Codex?

 

The Raven Guard aren't highly independent. Deliverance trades heavily with the Imperium, and they rely equally heavily on geneseed shipments from Mars to sustain the Chapter.

 

Being willing to save the little guy is the sort of thing that gets you killed more, not less. Remember the Celestial Lions?

 

The best clues as to the details bound in secrecy about the origins, purpose, and founding of the Resplendent Scorpions lie within the Founding Charter, dated 0240348.M41, which holds, with the authority of the Emperor, their objectives, rites, and strictures as a Chapter. As only the High Lords of Terra can commission such a document legally (though none dare think of who might attempt to forge such documents), the Adacto Carta Fundatio remains a great point of contention as none of the High Lords admits to contracting the document; indeed the subject is often avoided. The most direct questioning of the Charter has been through the Emperor’s Tarot, which reveals, in no certain terms, that the Resplendent Scorpions will play a vital role in the Providence of Man, but only at the cost of doom and ruin for the Chapter and any that stand against the Emperor. The Founding Charter has been questioned and although it is the most revered artefact of the Chapter, outsiders have been permitted to read it under dire circumstances and the strictest of precautions and purification rites (primarily ritual fasting and contemplation of the later works by the Chapter’s philosopher-generals) to confirm the Chapter’s licensed eccentricities. The grants provided by the Charter are faithful in their interpretation of the Codex Astartes; however, the stipulations and restrictions provided in the document require a few radical diversions in tactics and most notably, the Chapter’s organization, which officially marks them as a Non-Codex Chapter. The Charter itself reads much like the sanction of a penitent crusade and there are no limits to the rumors regarding this and the Chapter’s designation, DCCCLXXXIX (889), and its relation to the former Star Scorpions Chapter, who held the designation 888 (now held by the Mentor Legion). There is evidence to substantiate this rumor as it has been revealed, by both the Chapter’s relic-keepers and guests that have studied the document, that the Chapter’s designating number was written in later on than the remainder of the document.

 

First, it's poor form to nail down dates. Shared universe and all that. Keep it vague, keep it vague, keep it vague.

 

Second, if such documents exist, why the hell have we never heard of them before now? And why do the Adeptus Mechanicus and Inquisiton seem to know virtually nothing about the practices of the Adeptus Astartes?

 

Third, this seems entirely created to make them seem special and unique and impoooooooooortant. Oh yes. With that many 'o's. The ties to the High Lords and the Mentor Legion/Star Scorpions seem to be attempts to link them into the official universe and Important Events, and come off as such.

 

I'm not sure I'm opposed to the concept of their charter and such. , but it's definitely overwrought. Dial it back a bit. Less on how important it is to the Imperium, and more on how its important to the Chapter. So long as they think it's important, it doesn't really matter if it's real or not.

 

However, while the scene of this potential heresy is void of any culprit or clue, archivus drones have discovered a visit to this facility by your beneficence that does not correlate with your known records of travel. Indeed, my lord, you would have had to have been in two places at once if this datalog proves correct. I dare not draw hypotheses regarding this matter and will commit my unworthy flesh to mind-scrubbed servitude pending the conclusion of this critical assignment you have bestowed upon an honored servant. Accompanying this report is a genelocked and codified datarod containing all information pertinent to your requests; the encryption should be familiar to your excellence’s august memory Ω

+++

 

And this tells us what?

 

Position sidebars where they will make people go "AHA! ENLIGHTENMENT!" This one does not appreciably do that. Indeed, I'm not sure its relatively minimal revelation is sufficient to justify the space it consumes. There are faster and easier ways of saying "their geneseed was apparently stolen from the Adeptus Mechanicus". Like that one I just did.

 

The Resplendent Scorpions have no homeworld; they are selected from youths all across the galaxy, checked against a stringent standard set in the Chapter’s Founding Charter, and grow to full brotherhood aboard one of the many vessels in the Unbroken Fleet. As the fleet itself rarely divides its forces across more than one campaign, the Chapter initiate learns to depend on his battle brothers, but also rely on his independent strengths because of their small number. So, while the entire force might tackle a foe together, individual squads frequently split into combat teams to accomplish multiple objectives on the battlefield and deploy in supporting positions or, rarely, alone on a secondary objective from the main deployment of force.

 

Home World is two words. Ask Ferrata. He'll tell you. Repeatedly. :)

 

The entire last half of that paragraph ends up almost cancelling itself out. It's basically "They fight as one, except when they don't." Plus, wouldn't it make more sense in Combat Doctrine?

 

The Chapter’s single Battlebarge, the 'Dolorous Ascendancy' is another piece of the puzzle of their origins as it has been retrofitted, or perhaps commissioned in its entirety, with rare examples of older technologies mostly lost to the forge world manufactoria of the forty-first millennium. The 'Dolorous Ascendancy' is far more defensive than most imperial designs and lacks a great deal of raw firepower but more than makes up for the loss of overt strength with tactical flexibility and a great deal of strategic power as its enhanced sensor arrays can pick out targets, strengthen allied communications signals, or cast a field of blinding static.

 

Sad Rising? That's a weird name for a ship.

 

Also, look IT'S SPECIAL SPECIAL SPECIAL! Ahem. Plus, how does the Ad. Mech know all this stuff is so cool and awesome, exactly? That, and, well, Space Marine ships have the best armor in BFG. Being more defensive than that is downright improbable.

 

The artisans of the Resplendent Scorpions forge the honor known as the Iron Halo into a large ornate feather according to a favorite line of the Adacto Carta Fundatio, “…those remarkable amongst yourselves shall carry a feather of My Aquila as a sign of his outstanding service to the multitude…” As such, a great deal of relics and honors bear the iconography of eagle’s wings and seem to be an overt theme among much of the Chapter’s design ethos.

 

And why does this matter? I mean, it's a mildly interesting piece of information, but considering I know next to nothing about their character at this point, I really don't think this is what we should be focusing on...

 

What little is known of the Founding Charter, a document that is barred from those outside the Chapter, the Resplendent Scorpions have been charged with, quote: “…restoration of the Emperor’s Worlds; to bring splendor, faith, and hope where there is naught but darkness, debauchery, and despair…”. To this end, it is assumed, with the aid of various collated reports, that the Resplendent Scorpions have made a complex circuit that crosses the Imperial fold three dozen times or more, taking them to worlds forgotten by the stroke of a pen or lost to the eddies of time and space. Their involvement of greater conflicts within the Imperial History is a consequence of this constant traveling and the Chapter has fought every enemy man knows on at least one occasion and most often several. A number of minor rebellions can be laid at the feet of the Resplendent Scorpions, however, these charges have been defended as carrying out their Charter and instigating conflicts that would have happened given enough time, the Chapter’s involvement guiding the conflict into a resolution in which the Imperium benefited, which arguably, many times it has, if only slightly. Only once has the meddling of the Resplendent Scorpions caused a tithe to be late, in which the Chapter itself took pains upon themselves to redress the error with interest, though it still earned the ire of the Forge World the tithe was destined to, no punitive action was taken. Arguably, the Resplendent Scorpions have taken liberty in the affairs of other organizations and this in itself has been ground for numerous skirmishes and calls of excommunication against them, but there always seems to be a deed or more rarely an influential organization that vouches for their actions, which has also caused further suspicions against the Chapter.

 

Wait, what? It's barred to those outside the Chapter? But what about all those details you told us back at the beginning?

 

Also, assisting rebellions is treason. Chapters have been flat-out excommunicated for less.

 

Again, a lot of this feels really self-defeating. You set up a tension - then defuse it. Then set up another one - then defuse it.

 

Plus, we're still not really getting into why the Chapter is doing this. At this point you really should have explained what the hell the Chapter's deal is. Or at least given us a few more hints.

 

Ghost Squad

A spoken tale of uncertain origin shared only amongst the Chapter's fully initiated brothers and mandated only to be spoken by the Chaplains and only while within a Chapter Reclusiam. The legend of the Ghost Squad tells of a world inhabited by both Eldar and Men found by the Early Chapter. It is said the Third Consul, Master Gerard Thane, saw that there was no warring amongst the two peoples and deemed it acceptable within their mandates. Going against a great deal of sentiment that such an action went beyond even the musings of the long-dead librarian sage Erasmus, the Third Consul managed to convince a majority of the High Command that any action that would upset the balance found on this world would prove detrimental to the humans living on it. “…Should we look to our pride and maintenance of honor to guide us, those we serve below shall be the ones to suffer for our arrogance,” he argued, insisting that the Eldar population, most probably Exodites, be approached on friendlier terms to ensure the continued prosperity of the human colony. The tale ends with the Third Consul and a selection of volunteers with various areas of expertise suffering themselves the tradition of gulag, placing the responsibility of the action solely on the resigned Consul and absolving the Chapter from any repercussions of his decision. It is said that they remain on that unnamed world, these Ghosts, building a new society of Men in harmony alongside the alien enclave that had tolerated their presence for so long before. Officially, Master Gerard Thane, Third Consul, was recorded as killed in action during the crusade led by the now legendary Lord Solar Macharius and his ashes are interred within the Chapter Crematorium, making the veracity of this tale most difficult to discern.

 

...So we know about this how?

 

Either we have an omniscient view of the Chapter's dealings or we don't. You're waffling between the two. People go from having complete excerpts of secret documents to not knowing a damn thing. It's jarring.

 

Space Marines who love xenos are a contradiction in terms. Space Marines who tolerate xenos, maybe. But describing them positively feels wrong.

 

And again what is the point? And why do you insist on undercutting everything you say with modifiers and minimalizing language?

 

The principle doctrine behind the high-mobility tactics of the Resplendent Scorpions is a collection of philosophical and martial works composed by some of the first marines to be initiated into the fledgling Chapter. The act of reading and interpreting the lessons contained in the Rites are often led by Chaplains who adhere to the teachings most strongly and often defend their ways against most of the Ecclesiarchy’s repudiations as beneficial to the future integrity to the Imperium. It is noteworthy that a small and often overlooked sect of the Imperial Faith, the Fraternitas Hospitale, supports the clement ways of the Chapter. Most notable and revered among these writings are the Erasmian sagas, which expound upon the ethics that a warrior should aspire to in the midst of battle. However, the works of Desiderius Erasmus mainly deal with particular situations that might crop up while defending civilians or their cities and advocate for the preservation of Imperial culture, life, and property as a moral imperative. The Epistolary Erasmus is also highly criticized and condemned by external authorities for what are seen as oblique references to pro-xenos attitudes, within context the sage advised that “…while the hosts of the stars are arrayed against Terra, man will prevail, but only at great cost to himself, his future, and his soul…”. Some authorities believe this is a call to ally with aliens in a heretical and damning bid to firmly conquer the galaxy; defendants of Erasmus, again, notably the Chaplains of the Resplendent Scorpions argue that the alien must be turned upon itself to be defeated.

 

What high-mobility tactics? You haven't mentioned these before, and thus should explain that they have them before explaining where they come from.

 

Oh, look, they've got their own SPECIAL part of the Church....

 

This seems to make more sense as part of beliefs than as combat doctrine. Indeed, I don't really know much about how they fight from this.

 

Oh, and Erasmus is about as subtle as a brick to the head.

 

The Resplendent Scorpions favor high mobility strategies and infiltration tactics, particularly the deployment of full battle brothers in scout carapace, utilising the specialist equipment of the Scout alongside the armament typical to their squad. The Resplendent Scorpions are also heavily mechanised and rely on various transports, including the recent Storm variant Land Speeder, to augment the Chapter’s mobility. When a majority of the chapter deploys in powered scout carapace, as they are wont to do, their strikes are unannounced and devastating. Lynchpin squads in the enemy force are neutralized by accurate sniper fire, enemy vehicles detonate under missile fire from the flanks and rear, while lightly armored assault troops leap over enemy defences with the aid of flaring jump packs. The enemy quickly discovers it has nowhere to run as the deadliest warriors Mankind has to offer close in from all sides. Fully armored brothers entering the fray usually do so just before the main force strikes, drawing the targets’ attention towards the expected force while their hidden brethren set up for the famed 'Telling Blow' that is the signature conclusion of the Chapter’s strategies; a short engagement that is on the terms of the Resplendent Scorpions and utterly to their advantage.

 

Why? Why why why? Why would they forego power armor? And it's linchpin, not lynchpin. Well, OK, it CAN be lynchpin, but I've only seen that on the internet...

 

And how, exactly, do you use jump packs without power armor? Nobody's done that since Rogue Trader.

 

Why do they do this? The Raven Guard don't, so why do they?

 

The Chapter’s Founding Charter lays out the duties expected of the Resplendent Scorpions, among the many strictures placed upon them is the requirement for low-profile warfare when reclaiming or defending Imperial territories; regular use of scout carapace is the Chapter’s answer to this mandate. By using the lighter armor, the Resplendent Scorpions can engage in the asymmetrical warfare required of them in vital areas, allowing the Chapter’s forces to move through dense terrain much faster than if they were garbed in full power armor. However, the weaker plate and lesser coverage of scout carapace handicaps marine forces somewhat and forces them to approach the battlefield with greater caution and planning. As it stands, a direct assault with drop pods is rarely ever performed in anything but full battle dress, as are close-quarters engagements and boarding actions. The Chapter’s status as highly independent of both Imperial and Codex doctrine means they have very few examples of heavy Tactical Dreadnought Armor, such relics were bestowed as gifts by the Raven Guard and are rarely deployed except in the most essential of circumstances and reserved for trained veterans, most elements within the High Command, and the Consuls’ Honor Guard.

 

Why is that a proscription? Especially when defending Imperial territories - that's going to make things worse, not better, since low-profile warfare almost requires hiding among the population...

 

The Rout on Denethos Minor + 743.M41

 

This is way, way, way, way too long. Especially for a sidebar. It's destroying your formatting, for one. When the sidebars take out your formatting, you may have a problem.

 

It simply is not sufficiently important to deserve this amount of space. For comparison, look at the sidebar I used in the Ice Lords to explain the Chapter's Big Dark Secret. That's 461 words. And if I could have made it shorter, I would have.

 

This is 1149 words. It is almost a fifth of your IA. And honestly, I didn't learn a damn thing about the Chapter from it, not least because it was so long. Also, you use terms you have not yet explained (Legio, for one).

 

Newly founded, the Resplendent Scorpions are equipped for rapid strikes, feints, and guerilla warfare, though, when necessary they take to the field dressed uniformly in Mk8 'Errant' Pattern powered plate, but are most often deployed in the stealthier powered carapace normally equipped solely to the neophyte space marine scouts. While the Errant Pattern armor is rare, though some suits incorporate older marks of armor to replace pieces damaged in battle, the chapter has sufficient numbers to equip fully five companies, marking their regular use of scout carapace as a deviation from codex standards. The Resplendent Scorpions number just over five hundred battle brothers and neophyte initiates. The measure of fully initiated brother-marines has been steadily climbing from the original century they were formed as, numbers having tripled since the chapter’s founding. However, high attrition rates among initiates forced into front-line duties or lacking proper support from a fully equipped and manned chapter have kept the neophyte company around two hundred hopefuls. The Resplendent Scorpions are led by two Consuls, both equivalent in rank to a Chapter Master, who share the duties of command of the entire Chapter. The Chapter Fleet is based around the battle barge 'Dolorous Ascendancy', which has been fitted to serve as a mobile station and operations nerve center more than a planetary bombardment and assault platform. Added to this the chapter operates only two strike cruisers, the 'Aurum Fervor' and 'Verdant Sting', that act as the main stations of deployment for the Chapter’s campaigns. This core of the Fleet Command is supported by a large number of rapid strike vessels and other escorts, many of which spread the burden of hosting manufactoria and genevaults within their armored hulls, further increasing the doctrine of cautious planning and economical victories.

The Chapter is generally deployed entirely with each campaign they take on, and while they have participated in fewer actions than most Chapters because of their youth and singular focus, they tend to have a higher rate of success in comparison to all but the oldest of chapters. As such, Companies are only formed on an as-needed basis, the formal documents laying out the organization of the chapter should it eventually reach its full strength dictate four divisions of skill, each labeled as a 'Legio' or Legion. The few veterans make up the First Legion, which also incorporates the High Command, including the Chapter’s Consuls, Reclusiam, Librarium, Armory, Fleet Command, and Apothecarion, for this reason the First Legion is also known as the Legio Mandatum, or Command Legion. A single Captain leads the First Legion, he is appointed for his martial skill, initiative, and wisdom on the field. The Second Legion is analogous to Codex Battle Companies and is referred to as the Legio Tactica, five Captains are posted in the Second Legion and are responsible for arranging a majority of battle plans according to the strategic mandates of the High Command. The Second Legion has authority to requisition elements from the other Legions in order to carry out its plans, however, the other Captains, including those within the Second Legion may call one another to task for mismanagement of Chapter resources. Mismanagement is a charge that often results in a demotion of one party or both and can take a great deal of time to resolve, so it is invoked only in the most grievous of circumstances. Only one instance exists on record where the Seventh Consul, Aurelius Mercaddon was found guilty along with the Captains of the Fourth Legion of perpetrating mismanagement under conspiracy of internal rebellion. The sentence of 'gulag', or being stripped bare and cast out from the Chapter, was considered harsher than the execution that Imperial authorities decried the Chapter for not employing, but the guilty parties had already been gone over three decades by the time the issue came to light outside the halls of the Chapter. The Third Legion, Legio Salire, hosts its assault troops and rapid strike vehicles such as Bikes and Land Speeders, the Resplendent Scorpions are noteworthy in their greater use of the new Land Speeder Storm variant and have even converted old and damaged speeders into the Storm variant to supply their appetites for the transport skimmer. The Third Legion also trains their brethren in the use of the jump pack and specializes in light armor mobility, famed among their brother for being able to assail enemy forces from their rear, even cutting between the main force and the rearguard to strike vulnerable elements that would normally have been protected by the enemy reserves. The Fourth Legion is highly mechanised and is closely tied with the Chapter’s Armorers and bears the title of Legio Armatus. The Fourth Legion deploys a majority of the Chapter’s heavy weapons in the form of Devastator Squads and Predator Tanks, the legion also trains drivers for the APCs of the Second and First Legions as well as taking charge of the very few Land Raiders the Chapter was gifted with during their founding. Both the Third and Fourth Legions have two Captains. The few venerable members of the Chapter that have been graced with interment in the cybernetic sarcophagi that allow them to drive a Dreadnought chassis are placed in the caring hands of both the Chapter Armourers and the Reclusiam. Thunderhawk wings are seconded to Fleet Command which functions as transport, home, and watchful observer to the entire Chapter.

 

Dear God. I know you know what a line break is. Why didn't you use any?

 

Ah, of course, they have tons and tons of the best new armor. Despite the fact that they have a tenuous relationship with many other Imperial organizations. Sure. Why not?

 

Romans are not particularly unique as a source for Space Marine inspiration, nor is anyone sufficiently ignorant not to notice you doing it. While everyone does at least one Roman chapter, I can only recommend you do what I did - abandon it and never speak of it again. Or maybe just abandon the really, really blatant Roman influences. That'd be good.

 

The Charter is getting more and more ridiculous. The idea that Imperial authorities would not have taken this Chapter apart to see what makes them tick is getting hard to believe. At an absolute maximum, they'd have to look through the High Lord account books for whichever High Lord had used several thousand tons of extra pen and ink, then ask him what the hell he'd been playing at.

 

Due to the rumors surrounding the Resplendent Scorpions, the Imperial Authorities are generally suspicious and can be outright malicious towards them, however, the Chapter’s actions speak for themselves and those across the galaxy that know the name often look favorably upon them. While not directly or individually responsible for any major gains, the Resplendent Scorpions Chapter has acted in support of their more trusted brethren and allied Imperial forces in major events such as the First War of Armageddon, the invasions of the later two Tyranid Hive Fleets, as well as Abbadon’s Thirteenth Black Crusade. Even if the higher authorities within the Imperium do not favor the Scorpions, elements within the Imperial Navy, Imperial Guard, Inquisition, and their brother Chapters (most notably the Raven Guard and its successor chapters) lend their support and backing when able and have saved the Chapter from more than one Inquisitorial Purge, Mechanicus Siege, or Ecclesiastic Crusade.

 

Right. The three most powerful organizations in the Imperial government hate them, but the common people love them so they escape.

 

No. They are hated by the people who investigate everything, the people who can burn everyone, and the people who keep everything not working. They are doomed. They are certainly not still considered a loyal Chapter.

 

Though they have been raised to fighting strength by elements of the Raven Guard and brothers of their successor chapters, the Raven Guard and its successors only serve as honored mentors to the Resplendent Scorpions, evidenced by the marked separation of Non-Chapter or 'Acapitulum' marines from the hierarchy of the Chapter. Marines descended from the lineage of Corax, originally one Chaplain and twelve veteran sergeants, the number is now nine, serve as an advisory council to the Chapter. The Council of the Raven frequently rotates its members and recently has inducted councilors from other chapters with a trend of giving one of the nine veteran seats to each of the other eight lines of loyalist geneseed in turn, retaining the Chaplaincy and the remaining eight veteran seats solely for the descendants of Corax. There have yet to be two non-Raven Councilors serving on the Council at the same time.

 

You hadn't even mentioned this before, so at this point it's just kind of confusing.

 

And what the hell do you mean eight other lines of loyalist geneseed. Mixed geneseed would be a logistical nightmare, for starters.

 

Because their origins are expunged, the Resplendent Scorpions have always venerated the nine Loyalist Primarchs in equal measure with the Emperor being reserved a seat of greater honor in the Main Promenade, sometimes called the 'Atrium of Idols', aboard the Chapter’s Battlebarge, the 'Dolorous Ascendancy'. A gigantic statue of each Primarch adorns one of twenty massive prayer-alcoves along the Main Promenade of the Battlebarge, leaving eleven empty and draped in black in eternal reminder of the Fall of Horus and those eight others that fell from grace under him. At one end of the Promenade, a large idol to the Emperor of Mankind is wrapped in hammered bronze and gold, called the Imperator Adorare, and serves as the foyer to the Chapter’s Reclusiam as well as the Librarium and Reliquary Chamber. As the gatehouse to the ship’s bridge, the Imperator Adorare is protected by a fortress complex and is effectively walled off from the rest of the Promenade behind adamantine gates and walls bristling with guns.

 

You mentioned this in the Sidebar of Doom, but hadn't explained what it was. Just FYI.

 

The Resplendent Scorpions have very few practices and traditions; the most notable among them is the penned works of the Chapter’s Consuls and other influential officers, a collection of philosophical and strategic essays dealing with various battlefield maneuvers, dissertations on enemy forces, and the ethics of conduct on the battlefield. Most numerous and respected of these writings are those composed by the Epistolary Desiderius Erasmus, killed in psychic battle during the Third Tyrannic War, which expound upon the honorable restraint and sacrifice shown by the best of the Astartes. Often regarded as allegorical tales written to highlight the benefits to the Chapter and the Imperium of such altruism, the Erasmian sagas exemplify the bravery and devotion of space marines from numerous chapters across a great span of time. The sagas are frequently criticized by external authorities, especially those that are set within the time of the Horus Heresy, for speaking against the teachings of the Imperial Creed, a sentiment that the Chaplains seem to disagree with and have frequently argued on the side of their Chapter’s heritage.

 

'Very few practices and...'

 

You're joking, right? They've got a big bloody Charter whose origins are unknown that they worship! For starters! Then there's that council, and all the other stuff you just mentioned!

 

You've already explained Erasmus' stuff. Doing it again is just tiring. Explain things once.

 

Due to the infamy of the Relictors and their penchant for chaos-bound artefacts, the Resplendent Scorpions, being rumored to also be of dual genetic lines, have suffered a sanction from the highest authority limiting the Librarium to barely a handful of fully trained and equipped psykers. They are charged with not only preserving the history of the Chapter and training combat psykers from the gifted among their brothers, but also purging any taint that arises within the Chapter, being solely responsible should their fate be that of the Excommunicated. As such, the Librarium is headed by a single Epistolary and two Codiciers, whom train half a dozen Acolytum to take their place. The Acolytum are intentionally restricted from training in the finer aspects of psychic manifestation until one or more of their elders join their forbearers in the Crematorium or the Hall of the Interred, being taught enough to protect themselves from the predations of Chaos and to negate psychic attack. Because of this, the Librarians of the Resplendent Scorpions are known for their skill at erecting psychic bulwarks, if at the cost of being relatively novice at manifesting more aggressive psychic phenomenon. The Keepers of the Librarium are revered for their wisdom (or at least access to wisdom of previous Keepers) in many matters, but most especially relating to rumors of their maintaining a closely guarded patchwork historical lore of the Horus Heresy and the traitor legions involved in it. Many items of chapter history and knowledge are kept in the Librarium, especially the full and original works of many contributors to the Rites of Contemplation which itself is kept within the Reclusiam.

 

Whatwhatwhatwhat?

 

Why has no one else suffered this? Why have you not mentioned the rumours before (and if you have, does the fact I can't remember them suggest something about IA size?)? And what does this add?

 

The Resplendent Scorpions’ progenitors have been struck from all available records and much rumor surrounds their purpose and origin. Many point to the selection of Raven Guard and their successors as evidence that the Resplendent Scorpions are descendants of Corax’s legacy, further weight is given to this theory due to the Chapter’s non-codex implementation of full battle brothers in scout carapace. However, their combat doctrine of pinning the enemy down with a decoy before delivering a decisive strike operation goes against some of the tenants of the Raven Guard and their reliance on support from various elements of the Chapter and its Fleet point towards their lineage deriving from either the Ultramarines or the Imperial Fists. Further evidence against the Chapter being of Corax’s flesh is that they display none of the typical mutations common among the Raven Guard or its successors, or even any mutations at all. Conversely, there have been rumors of rare exceptions to this vaunted purity where a neophyte succumbs to a cascade of often-fatal mutations, necessitating a thorough investigation of any geneseed related to the initiates and sanction against possible taint. The Chapter has been compliant with requests for outside testing, and examples of submitted genetic material have posed further quandaries as to their origins, though samples of purged material have never been forthcoming and such requests have sparked numerous assaults on the Chapter’s fleet by various forces within the Imperium. In addition, the Resplendent Scorpions show tight combat discipline and oft times refuse to abandon a position when other forces would leave it to the enemy, pointing to descending from the Dark Angels Chapter. This stubbornness is most notable when their retreat would leave a civilian population vulnerable and many marines on the Chapter’s Roll of Honor have received posthumous decoration for selling their lives dearly so that populations could be evacuated in the wake of an enemy advance. Some talk of mixed origins like the infamous Relictors Chapter and a rare few persons risk talking of the darkest gossip, that the High Lords of Terra never sanctioned the Resplendent Scorpions and even the blasphemous employment of the genetic material saved from a traitor legion to construct the Chapter.

 

Tenants rent things, tenets are principles.

 

Again, you're undercutting yourself by running off in several directions at once.

 

* ‘Blaze with Splendor, Brothers, that the Enemies of Mankind be Blinded to Their Ultimate Defeat!’ – Battlecry of the Resplendent Scorpions, often shortened to ‘Blaze with Splendor!’

* ‘Vel Exuviae Triumphant!’ + Even in defeat triumphant

* ‘Aucto Splendore Resurgo!’ + I rise again with greater splendor

* ‘Mente et Manu!’ + With mind and hand

* ‘By the Tarot, our doom will be yours!’ – a humorous slogan often spoken in dire situations, origins in 743.M41 during the Rout on Denethos Minor

 

* ‘Pin the Enemy by his Throat, then Deliver the Telling Blow, that is the way of the Scorpion’ – Chaplain Margrave reciting the Rites of Contemplation

* ‘Amat Victoria Curam’ + Victory likes careful preparation – Second Legion motto

* ‘Estis Servatus Etsi Estis Obscenus’ + Be saved even though you are filthy – motto of the Reclusiam

* ‘Veteri Frondescit Honore’ + Ever green with ancient honor – given to those who earn the veteran’s laurels

* ‘So, it is you who will fulfill the Tarot’ – the closest thing to humor when confronted by an Imperial authority that seems to wish ill of the Chapter

 

You do not need this many mottos (for one thing, they'd make perfectly good heading quotes in many cases).

 

In order, the first, second and fifth battle-cries are weak, as are the third, fourth and fifth mottos. As an additional note, Chapter battle-cries are rendered in Low Gothic, Chapter mottos in High.

 

* * *

 

5904 words is almost certainly too long for a finished IA, let alone an IA which is just being created.

 

The order is poor. Things could be presented in a much more coherent fashion.

 

A lot of time is spent making up people, names, places and philosophies. Very little is spent explaining and exploring them. Less stuff, more of it.

 

It's quite disjointed. The IA structure is very useful - conform a little more closely to it. It will make the whole thing more coherent.

 

There is way, way more here than there needs to be, especially at this stage. I must ask: what are you trying to do? Tell me that, and I'll have a better idea of what you should be doing, but right now I honestly have no idea. There's a lot here, but it's very overwrought, very involved, and very confused.

 

What do you want?

[Ace Debonair]

While I haven't the time to read your whole IA (By gum, that's a lot of writing!), one question occurs to me:

Why does a dude from a chapter called the Resplendent Scorpions have a dragon on his shoulder pad?

 

...Although you should probably answer Octavulg's questions first, on balance. :D

 

EDIT:

 

I agree with the overall view expressed by my Liber buddies - you've got a good start, but it needs cutting down a fair bit (and perhaps less conflicting information) so you can expand on what makes the chapter unique.

Stick at it, and I'm sure you'll create something spectacular.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Wow, this is a whole huge mess of ideas trying to, well, do something clearly.

 

I feel rather bad for posting without giving some proper C&C but I think Octavulg has covered this better than I ever could. Not least of which because I just cannot read through all those frankly huge paragraphs.

 

That sidebar just scares me.

[Consul of Scorpions]

That sidebar just scares me.

 

How do you think I felt when I saw it for the first time on a preview? OAO

 

 

Why does a dude from a chapter called the Resplendent Scorpions have a dragon on his shoulder pad?

 

Because I'm lazy and that's the closest thing I could get to a scorpion sting.

 

*everything*

 

...I'll, uh... get back to you... once I... do a lot of writing... rewriting. In fact, I might just probably try again from scratch, I've definately made the error of including tons of things I enjoyed thiking about and forgot others have to enjoy reading about them. I'll get back to you once I find that... core cencept of the chapter.

[Octavulg]

...I'll, uh... get back to you... once I... do a lot of writing... rewriting. In fact, I might just probably try again from scratch, I've definately made the error of including tons of things I enjoyed thiking about and forgot others have to enjoy reading about them. I'll get back to you once I find that... core cencept of the chapter.

 

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

 

Rewriting an entire IA every time something seems amiss with it is a good way to wear yourself out and end up giving up. This is to be avoided.

 

Why not try writing an outline, and see what people think of that. Then start slotting bits in. It's a lot easier for everyone involved.

[Ace Debonair]

Why does a dude from a chapter called the Resplendent Scorpions have a dragon on his shoulder pad?

 

Because I'm lazy and that's the closest thing I could get to a scorpion sting.

Touché. ;)

 

I'm with Octavulg on this one - pin down what you want this chapter to be like, then go with an outline and slowly build it up.

I've done it before, and it's definitely the approach that works best for me, so hopefully it works for you as well. :lol:

[Consul of Scorpions]

Well, lesse, I definately want to keep the scout thing, that was the inspiration. That's pretty much the only thing I really want to do: take scouts to a whole new level. Everything else is pretty much secondary.

 

Here's a small idea: instead of the full brothers deploying in scout armor, perhaps the neophytes deploy as Tactical, Assault, and Devastator squads. I don't really know how that'd fly, but it's a bit more reasonable than having full marines downgrade their protection, instead upgrading the scout arsenal to deal with a lack of full initiates.

 

I'm also really into the idea of a penitent crusade that keeps the numbers of full initiates lower than normal, which the suspicious origins would give reason for.

 

Those're my only two sticking points: specialist scouts; and mixed/tainted/mysterious geneseed. The Atrium of Idols is pretty cool too, IMO, but you can put that in any old battlebarge.

 

The primary thing behind the special armaments on the Dolorous Ascendancy (the title is supposed to be something of a reflection of the hard-won dominance by the Imperium, a testament and remembrance for the unnamable trillions that toil and die messy, lonely, horrible deaths for the manifest destiny of all Mankind) was to give a little flavor and reason to this campaign I wrote out where the players fight over control of the ship itself, but I'm sure I can rewrite the specific details to make it accessible to more normal designs.

 

 

Oh, and on the subject of names, I'd have said 'Shining Scorpions' but that didn't have the same ring to it as 'Resplendent' does.

[Octavulg]

Well, lesse, I definately want to keep the scout thing, that was the inspiration. That's pretty much the only thing I really want to do: take scouts to a whole new level. Everything else is pretty much secondary.

 

I have not and never will understand why this so deeply interests some people. Unit selection and equipment is not a solid foundation for an army's character. Look at the Dark Angels if you don't believe me.

 

I guess the obvious question is what has motivated them to fight this way. What ideas and perspectives do they hold that make this the way they do business?

 

Here's a small idea: instead of the full brothers deploying in scout armor, perhaps the neophytes deploy as Tactical, Assault, and Devastator squads. I don't really know how that'd fly, but it's a bit more reasonable than having full marines downgrade their protection, instead upgrading the scout arsenal to deal with a lack of full initiates.

 

That seems to be, well, the exact opposite of what you originally proposed.

 

So what is it you want? In one sentence? Do you want more scouts? Less scouts? Special scouts? A chapter that's having recruitment difficulties?

 

I'm also really into the idea of a penitent crusade that keeps the numbers of full initiates lower than normal, which the suspicious origins would give reason for.

 

It's not hard to find reasons for penitent crusades. Having weird sneaky geneseed isn't necessary for your Chapter to make mistakes.

 

Those're my only two sticking points: specialist scouts; and mixed/tainted/mysterious geneseed. The Atrium of Idols is pretty cool too, IMO, but you can put that in any old battlebarge.

 

OK. Neither of those are character. Those are things the Chapter has. There's no story or particular tension there, and neither are sufficiently innovative ideas to justify a lack of that tension and story.

 

You could take the Atrium of Idols and emphasize it even more, and build the Chapter around their search for their heritage, I suppose.

 

Oh, and on the subject of names, I'd have said 'Shining Scorpions' but that didn't have the same ring to it as 'Resplendent' does

 

True. Though I still think you'd be better off with Scorpions Resplendent.

 

Oh, have you actually painted miniatures in that scheme yet?

[Consul of Scorpions]

Well, lesse, I definately want to keep the scout thing, that was the inspiration. That's pretty much the only thing I really want to do: take scouts to a whole new level. Everything else is pretty much secondary.

 

I have not and never will understand why this so deeply interests some people. Unit selection and equipment is not a solid foundation for an army's character. Look at the Dark Angels if you don't believe me.

 

I guess the obvious question is what has motivated them to fight this way. What ideas and perspectives do they hold that make this the way they do business?

 

Here's a small idea: instead of the full brothers deploying in scout armor, perhaps the neophytes deploy as Tactical, Assault, and Devastator squads. I don't really know how that'd fly, but it's a bit more reasonable than having full marines downgrade their protection, instead upgrading the scout arsenal to deal with a lack of full initiates.

 

That seems to be, well, the exact opposite of what you originally proposed.

 

So what is it you want? In one sentence? Do you want more scouts? Less scouts? Special scouts? A chapter that's having recruitment difficulties?

Not sure. See previous answer. Yes. No. Yes. Yes. And yes.

 

And I'm a total geek for detailing equipment loadouts, I'm more tactical than strategic in my thinking. I can write a good character, sure, but get me anywhere close to an armory and the quartermaster will be cursing your name for a week.

 

I'm also really into the idea of a penitent crusade that keeps the numbers of full initiates lower than normal, which the suspicious origins would give reason for.

 

It's not hard to find reasons for penitent crusades. Having weird sneaky geneseed isn't necessary for your Chapter to make mistakes.

Hmm, the rout could be sufficient for that purpose, yes?

 

Those're my only two sticking points: specialist scouts; and mixed/tainted/mysterious geneseed. The Atrium of Idols is pretty cool too, IMO, but you can put that in any old battlebarge.

 

OK. Neither of those are character. Those are things the Chapter has. There's no story or particular tension there, and neither are sufficiently innovative ideas to justify a lack of that tension and story.

When dealing with organisations I have a bit of a hard time differentiating characterisation and 'shiny stuff'. I blame Hollywood.

 

You could take the Atrium of Idols and emphasize it even more, and build the Chapter around their search for their heritage, I suppose.

Okay, see, this is why you're awesome.

 

Oh, and on the subject of names, I'd have said 'Shining Scorpions' but that didn't have the same ring to it as 'Resplendent' does

 

True. Though I still think you'd be better off with Scorpions Resplendent.

 

Oh, have you actually painted miniatures in that scheme yet?

Urgh, I wish I had the funds to, right now this is just a creative excercise. The chapter's name and scheme are one of several, though this particular one is tied to the mixed geneseed firmly in my head, but I can always bring out the Sand Dragoons for a more generic and less controversial origin (at this point specifics aren't really entwined with a face yet, so a name and color change are fine).

[Octavulg]

[qute]

Not sure. See previous answer.

 

You need to answer these questions. Because that's what you need to know to make a Chapter. You can change your mind, and likely will, but you need to have that in order to be able to start making something coherent.

 

Yes. No. Yes. Yes. And yes.

 

...Why? Scouts lack everything that make Space Marines interesting - the skill, the experience, the power armor, and the inhumanity.

 

And I'm a total geek for detailing equipment loadouts, I'm more tactical than strategic in my thinking. I can write a good character, sure, but get me anywhere close to an armory and the quartermaster will be cursing your name for a week.

 

You must suppress your urges, young Padawan.

 

Hmm, the rout could be sufficient for that purpose, yes?

 

Sure. Almost anything could.

 

When dealing with organisations I have a bit of a hard time differentiating characterisation and 'shiny stuff'. I blame Hollywood.

 

Try real hard. :)

 

Okay, see, this is why you're awesome.

 

Actually, there's a lot more reasons than just that. But thank you for noticing. :)

 

Urgh, I wish I had the funds to, right now this is just a creative excercise. The chapter's name and scheme are one of several, though this particular one is tied to the mixed geneseed firmly in my head, but I can always bring out the Sand Dragoons for a more generic and less controversial origin (at this point specifics aren't really entwined with a face yet, so a name and color change are fine).

 

I just...find it a kinda ugly scheme. Though I feel obligated to point out that Sand Dragoons isn't a good Chapter name - mostly for the Dragoons bit. Sand Dragons, on the other hand, is awesome.

[Consul of Scorpions]

Fine, fine, no "special" emphasis on scouts. There'll just be greater numbers than normal to account for losses in the crusade.

'Sand Dragons' it is.

Colors Dolorous

Colors Paenitens

Red is the badge of their penitent crusade. Black denotes loss, first for ignorance of their origins, and second for the greater shame of betrayal.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Again, with some almost totally useless commentary, I really like that new colour scheme. A lot. ;)

 

 

When dealing with organisations I have a bit of a hard time differentiating characterisation and 'shiny stuff'. I blame Hollywood.

 

Well think about it like Dirty Harry.

 

Dirty Harry's signature item is his 357. Magnum. Is the Magnum the entire basis for the movie? No. Does the gun have any real bearing on the plot or on any of the characters themselves, even the protagonist? No.

 

Now, is the gun a visual expression of the lead character? Yes.

 

The gun is a representation of the man himself, not the basis for it. If your chapter uses dirty great chainaxes instead of other close combat weapons then it is also an expression of their character, usually brutality and blood lust.

 

You write a good character and all the shiny things that they use are going to be born as a result of that core character, rather than being a cause or crutch for it.

[Octavulg]

What he said.

[Consul of Scorpions]

Bah, so I've got something of a character for the homeworld (think grimdark egypt with an Emperor mask on), but nothing is striking sparks on the chapter, maybe I'm just looking at it the wrong way, too much military taskforce, not enough monastic order. Thanks for the help, guys, I'll see what I can come up with tomorrow morning.

[Warsmith Aznable]

You're losing the possible taint of heresy and Slaanesh references? I liked that idea, I just thought it needed to be explained for better (and with more subtlety), and with less special rules. But that's just me, and I'm a shameless Heretic. This new color scheme is good, though, and the name matches nicely. You could have a whole army of SM painted in this scheme in no time and it would look good on the table, I think.

[Consul of Scorpions]

I'm still juggling that aspect, but if it is included it'll be more of a rumor than necessary plot element in the Chapter. Plus, it's the only real reason I can think of why their origin might be expunged or hidden, which is the impetus for venerating all Primarchs for lack of a tangible founding line.

 

Some quick notes: I figure the 'Rout' will be the reason the chapter reorders itself into the four Legions, and also for their penitent crusade. I also gave them a sandy dustball of a homeworld out on the Eastern Fringe, established as a home base for their crusade of bringing the wilderness sector to heel (crashing their only battlebarge doesn't help with the selection process). I'll post a more complete summary... actually, I should have a rough draft for the new article ready within a day or two and it looks like it might probably be much more compact than the above example.

 

UPDATE: Almost finished with the second article minus the bbcode, just finishing up the Geneseed section and putting the quotes in the right places, will post tomorrow sometime. Yes, a whole other IA with a few parts plagarised from the above version, but most everything has been written straight from the pen even if the ideas are reused- ...I enjoy writing...

[Consul of Scorpions]

New thread is up, we can consider this one closed.

[Warsmith Aznable]

Didn't see the new thread message...