IA: Knights of the Abyss

[Leardinal]

Knights of the Abyss

Origin

The Chapter was formed to counter increased activity from inside the Maelstrom in 216.M41. With the reports of increasing Chaos interest, the High Lords of Terra ordered the creation of a new chapter. The Gene Seed of Dorn was chosen as the new Chapter would have to be stalwart in the face of the enemy and be able to hold any location at any time. The Imperial Fist graciously loaned a squad of veterans to help train the new Chapter. The new Chapter Master named his Chapter the “Order of the Angel” for unknown reasons. After the Chapter was at full strength, the Imperial Fist veterans returned to their Chapter, and the Order of the Angel was standing on its own.

The homeworld, named Regail, was located to the galactic Northeast of the Maelstrom. The fortress itself was actually on the planet’s moons, the planet was a feudal world where one kingdom was always fighting another. This was also where the Order of the Angel chose its aspirants.

In 620.M41, a space hulk drifted into the general vicinity of Regail. It was calculated that if it was not stopped, it would collide with the Regail, and that it was so large that if it was destroyed without changing its course, the pieces would collide with Regail with cataclysmic consequences. The Chapter attacked the hulk; the entirety of the Chapter entered to fight the Xenos and Daemons that infested it. During the fighting, the ancient machines that made up large portions of the hulk started to awaken. By the time the leaders of the Chapter realized that something was amiss it was too late. It was latter discovered that an astonishing number of Imperial Battle Ships were in the hulk, and that they all contained large store of weapons used in the Exterminatus. Though it is not known if it was activated by some galactic coincidence or some move by an unknown force for some unknown plan, but the end result was the same. The hulk launched an uncountable number of missiles at the surface of Regail and its moon.

The orbital defenses, which were already firing at the space hulk, and were to expecting to counter landing craft or even chunks of the hulk, were not prepared to counter such an attack. The Chapter was trapped on the hulk and watched as their planet fragmented under the Assault. The Chapter attacked the denizens of the hulk with renewed vigor.

After months of fighting, the Chapter emerged forever changed. They watched the hulk’s destruction with a bittersweet feeling of victory. The entire Chapter was silent until they returned to the Battle Barge that was now the Headquarters of their Chapter. One captain officially changed the name of the Chapter, saying “The Order of the Angel is no more; they died aboard that hulk. We that remain are the Knights of the Abyss.”

They kept the Chapter Emblem the same but they changed the color of their armor from White and gold to iron and black. Armor color has taken the shade of aged iron in recent years.

The Chapter is now fleet based, though they mostly stay around the ruins of Regail, which eventually becomes an asteroid belt named the “Iron Rings” because formally unattainable ore deposits were on the surface of the asteroids. The asteroids are now the site of the training grounds for the Chapter and Forges.

Homeworld

Although Regail was destroyed, the ways of its people still affect the Chapter. The Chapter acts as an order of knights. Honor is an integral part of their belief system, and those that go back on their word are looked down upon.

If a misstep is severe enough, a battle brother is assigned to a penitent squad. While not religious per say, a battle brother who serves out their term in the penitent squad will be forgiven. Those in penitent squads fall into deep depressions and lose focus. In battle, although distracted, battle brothers in the penitent squad have some of the most devastating charges in the Imperium as they try to redeem themselves. Members of penitent squads often paint their armor black to separate them from their brothers.

History

The history of the Knights of the Abyss is long and illustrious, filled with victories over the Red Corsairs, Word Bearer warbands, Rebellions, and Ork Waaagh!’s. Yet even amoung these honors one stood out yet was not in the hall of honor: Since the formation of their Chapter, not a single Battle Brother had fallen. This all changed in 831.M41.

A scant 200 years after their homeworld was destroyed, Chapter Master Altus was killed fighting Traitors stirred by the oratory of a Word Bearer Dark Apostle. His successor was named Preatos, and although he had great potential, many older members of the chapter wondered if he had risen too quickly. It would 50 years before they were proved correct.

In 889.M41, Preatos left with a force chosen from the first company. They fought their way through the Maelstrom until they came upon a Word Bearers’ bastion under siege by a task force sent by the Imperial Guard to take the fortress. Instead of helping the Guardsman, Preatos and his men attacked them, offering them to the Chaos gods. In the fortress was the same Apostle that organized the uprising that killed Altus, and had somehow been corrupting Preatos for the last 50 years.

Although this incident is a grave dishonor to the Chapter as a whole, they do not hide its occurrence. In fact, they use it as a way to gage how noble potential allies might be. If the potential ally sees this incident and thinks that the entire Chapter will soon follow its former master, the Knights of the Abyss will most likely not accept their aid. If they accept this news as a tragic but isolated event, they will have made a lifelong ally.

Because they make no attempt to hide this betrayal, the Chapter is under almost constant scrutiny by one part of the Inquisition or another, but the Chapter also has many Inquisitors that they count among their allies, and these allies try their best to help deflect some of the attention.

Combat Doctrine

Although their original strategy was focused more on holding a position or breaking through enemy fortifications, a prolonged campaign with a lost company of the Space Wolves have changed that. While the chapter still makes sure that it has the weapons to create a siege, they also balance that with an armored assault, instead of pouring more resources into creating a standstill. The tactical flex ability of their assaults and defense has become a legend unto themselves.

The Knights of the Abyss also make extensive use of scouts. Unlike many Chapters, Scouts are fully fledged Battle Brothers who have a knack for observation and being able to move unseen. The Aspirants of the Knights of the Abyss don’t see front line duty until they are absolutely ready.

The chapter also finds the sturdiest warhorses and enhances them much in same way that a Battle Brother is, although not to the same extent. While this increases the horse’s strength, toughness, and speed, many riders claim it drastically increases their intelligence as well. Whatever changes the animal undergoes, it is not the same as when it was chosen. The Calvary units of the Knights of the Abyss rival that of even the Space Wolves legendary Thunderwolves.

Organization

After Preatos’ betrayal, the captains decided the Codex Astartes did not take enough power out of the hands of a single man. It was decided that all decisions for the Chapter would be made by a counsel of the captains, and that when the Chapter went to war, one captain would be nominated by the others as acting Chapter Master until the battle was over. It was decided that once every month the captains would meet via communications to decide the future of the Chapter.

There is no Scout Company and no reserve companies, as they are almost always mobilized. In all other respects to organization, the Knights of the Abyss follow the Codex Astartes.

Beliefs

The Knights of the Abyss view the Emperor and his Primarchs as great warriors, but not gods. As such the Chapter strives to emulate them.

Personal Honor and the Honor of their Chapter are of the utmost importance to the Battle Brothers. Should any fail in this regard they are either assigned to a penitent squad or they are banished from the chapter, a tradition brought over from their homeworld. Only once in the history of the Chapter has this occurred, and the Battle Brother was never seen again.

The Knights of the Abyss will not stand idly by and watch citizens of the Imperium die. Nor will they simply ignore their cries for help if the situation doesn’t seem tactually feasible. For if the Space Marines do not protect the citizens of the Imperium, why were they created?

Battle Cry

Although the Chapter doesn’t have a set battle cry, the most common is shouted as the marines close with the enemy. One group will shout: “Justicia est nostrum Mucro!” (Justice is our Sword,) which another group will respond with: “Veneratio est nostrum Contego!” (Honor is our Shield). These sayings are often on squad banners, and that squad considers its duty to say its part.

[NightrawenII]

[sarcastic remark]The colour scheme is really colourfull. [/sarcastic remark]

 

The Chapter was formed to counter increased activity from inside the Maelstrom in 216.M41. With the reports of increasing Chaos interest, the High Lords of Terra ordered the creation of a new chapter.

With the new info from IA9, the 25th founding was in M40, the 26th took place in 738.M41 and it's very unlikely for Chapter to be created outside of official founding.

 

The Chapter attacked the hulk; the entirety of the Chapter entered to fight the Xenos and Daemons that infested it.

So the plan was: Kill them all?!?!

 

It was latter discovered that an astonishing number of Imperial Battle Ships were in the hulk, and that they all contained large store of weapons used in the Exterminatus. Though it is not known if it was activated by some galactic coincidence or some move by an unknown force for some unknown plan, but the end result was the same. The hulk launched an uncountable number of missiles at the surface of Regail and its moon.

Yeah, this kind of accidents is the worst... <_<

 

After months of fighting, the Chapter emerged forever changed.

Eh? So they have had months of time before it hits planet's surface?

 

The Chapter acts as an order of knights. Honor is an iatrical part of their belief system, and those that go back on their word are looked down upon.

iatrical??

 

Members of penitent squads often paint their armor black to separate them from their brothers.

This make my day, they paint their armour black to separate themself from the rest of the black-armoured brethren.

 

In the fortress was the same Apostle that organized the uprising that killed Altus, and had somehow been corrupting Preatos for the last 50 years.

LOL. This IA is full of pure gold.

 

Because they make no attempt to hide this betrayal, the Chapter is under almost constant scrutiny by one part of the Inquisition or another, but the Chapter also has many Inquisitors that they count among their allies, and these allies try their best to help deflect some of the attention.

Unnecessary. Every Chapter has his fallen.

 

Although their original strategy was focused more on holding a position or breaking through enemy fortifications, a prolonged campaign with a lost company of the Space Wolves have changed that. While the chapter still makes sure that it has the weapons to create a siege, they also balance that with an armored assault, instead of pouring more resources into creating a standstill. The tactical flex ability of their assaults and defense has become a legend unto themselves.

Every Chapter strategy focus on breaking through enemy fortifications. It's called "Drop-poding-into-enemy-fortification-and-killing-everything" strategy. :)

and BTW the Astartes don't fight a siege, that's work of these IG grunts.

 

The chapter also finds the sturdiest warhorses and enhances them much in same way that a Battle Brother is, although not to the same extent. While this increases the horse’s strength, toughness, and speed, many riders claim it drastically increases their intelligence as well. Whatever changes the animal undergoes, it is not the same as when it was chosen. The Calvary units of the Knights of the Abyss rival that of even the Space Wolves legendary Thunderwolves.

*Facepalm*

I have foreseen this, rigth when I learned about TW cavalry.

 

Nor will they simply ignore their cries for help if the situation doesn’t seem tactually feasible.

Tactically, tactually doesn't exists. :lol:

 

For if the Space Marines do not protect the citizens of the Imperium, why were they created?

Well, I have several other reasons on mind but ok.

[Leardinal]

First off, thanks for your reply, I am glad I made you smile

 

[sarcastic remark]The colour scheme is really colourfull. [/sarcastic remark]

 

Aren't they though? I feel the Iron brings out the...Never mind

 

 

 

The Chapter was formed to counter increased activity from inside the Maelstrom in 216.M41. With the reports of increasing Chaos interest, the High Lords of Terra ordered the creation of a new chapter.

With the new info from IA9, the 25th founding was in M40, the 26th took place in 738.M41 and it's very unlikely for Chapter to be created outside of official founding.

 

Thanks for the info, I kept looking for a list that had dates and foundings, but never found one so I just picked a date.

 

 

The Chapter attacked the hulk; the entirety of the Chapter entered to fight the Xenos and Daemons that infested it.

So the plan was: Kill them all?!?!

 

How is that never part of any Space Marine's plan? :P

 

 

It was latter discovered that an astonishing number of Imperial Battle Ships were in the hulk, and that they all contained large store of weapons used in the Exterminatus. Though it is not known if it was activated by some galactic coincidence or some move by an unknown force for some unknown plan, but the end result was the same. The hulk launched an uncountable number of missiles at the surface of Regail and its moon.

Yeah, this kind of accidents is the worst... :D

 

Not even sure what you are insinuating here, to be honest. I would imagine that losing your homeworld would be the worst case scenario. :)

 

 

After months of fighting, the Chapter emerged forever changed.

Eh? So they have had months of time before it hits planet's surface?

 

Oops. Meant to specify that the planet fragmented under the assault, I think I put "burned" instead...

 

The Chapter acts as an order of knights. Honor is an iatrical part of their belief system, and those that go back on their word are looked down upon.

iatrical??

 

I typed this up in word before I moved it here. Why can't word have as good a spell check as google, WHY?!

That is supposed to be "integral"

 

 

Members of penitent squads often paint their armor black to separate them from their brothers.

This make my day, they paint their armour black to separate themself from the rest of the black-armoured brethren.

 

Once again, glad I made you laugh. I should point out that their original color scheme is Industrial Iron, but I get your point

 

In the fortress was the same Apostle that organized the uprising that killed Altus, and had somehow been corrupting Preatos for the last 50 years.

LOL. This IA is full of pure gold.

 

Gold?! I thought you were pointing out how uncolorful they were? :P

 

 

Because they make no attempt to hide this betrayal, the Chapter is under almost constant scrutiny by one part of the Inquisition or another, but the Chapter also has many Inquisitors that they count among their allies, and these allies try their best to help deflect some of the attention.

Unnecessary. Every Chapter has his fallen.

 

Once again, maybe I didn't make it clear in the original post. Yes, every chapter has fallen, but this was the Chapter Master and most of the First Company all falling at the same time. There is a significant difference between the occasional battle brother falling and having almost all of your Veterans falling at the same time and I have never read about a Chapter Master falling. I thought, (see what happens when I do that?) that an event such as this would warrant the attention of the =I=.

 

 

Although their original strategy was focused more on holding a position or breaking through enemy fortifications, a prolonged campaign with a lost company of the Space Wolves have changed that. While the chapter still makes sure that it has the weapons to create a siege, they also balance that with an armored assault, instead of pouring more resources into creating a standstill. The tactical flex ability of their assaults and defense has become a legend unto themselves.

Every Chapter strategy focus on breaking through enemy fortifications. It's called "Drop-poding-into-enemy-fortification-and-killing-everything" strategy. ;)

and BTW the Astartes don't fight a siege, that's work of these IG grunts.

 

Yeah, I know of drop pods. Your second statement confuses me though. I thought, (I did it again!) the Imperial Fists where renowned for fighting sieges? That is why Lysander has 'improve cover' and Dorn was in charge of the Defense of Terra.

 

 

The chapter also finds the sturdiest warhorses and enhances them much in same way that a Battle Brother is, although not to the same extent. While this increases the horse’s strength, toughness, and speed, many riders claim it drastically increases their intelligence as well. Whatever changes the animal undergoes, it is not the same as when it was chosen. The Calvary units of the Knights of the Abyss rival that of even the Space Wolves legendary Thunderwolves.

*Facepalm*

I have foreseen this, rigth when I learned about TW cavalry.

 

Yes, but I am the only one foolish enough to put it on the SM site! :lol:

 

 

Nor will they simply ignore their cries for help if the situation doesn’t seem tactually feasible.

Tactically, tactually doesn't exists. ;)

 

Once again, I plead the MS Word...

 

 

For if the Space Marines do not protect the citizens of the Imperium, why were they created?

Well, I have several other reasons on mind but ok.

 

This was their take, I could think of a few more too.

[Shinzaren]

first off, welcome to the Liber, I hope you have a long and pleasant stay. That said, I'll give you the same advice that was given to me:

 

"Welcome. Responses are going to be fast, hard, and merciless. It's not an attack on you or your ideas, we just want to make you and your IA better."

 

That said, my responses may seem harsh, but I promise they are all based in some form of logic, though perhaps a twisted, winding, and devious form. With all the disclaimers out of the way, let's get to it shall we?

 

Origin

The Chapter was formed to counter increased activity from inside the Maelstrom in 216.M41. With the reports of increasing Chaos interest, the High Lords of Terra ordered the creation of a new chapter. The Gene Seed of Dorn was chosen as the new Chapter would have to be stalwart in the face of the enemy and be able to hold any location at any time. The Imperial Fist graciously loaned a squad of veterans to help train the new Chapter. The new Chapter Master named his Chapter the “Order of the Angel” for unknown reasons. After the Chapter was at full strength, the Imperial Fist veterans returned to their Chapter, and the Order of the Angel was standing on its own.

Pretty specific date, something I suffered with as well. Better and more accurate to stick with one of the foundings and leave the exact date unknown. All Chapters are required to be stalwart and unyielding, just kinda how Space Marines are. Yes, the IF are even more so, but this is hardly justification to use their gene-seed. Just say they chose the IF, and leave it at that. Why does the name of the chapter, "Order of the Angel" matter? Why bring it up here and then fail to explain it?

 

In 620.M41, a space hulk drifted into the general vicinity of Regail. It was calculated that if it was not stopped, it would collide with the Regail, and that it was so large that if it was destroyed without changing its course, the pieces would collide with Regail with cataclysmic consequences.

So, it's basically an "Armageddon" type scenario? Too big to let impact, and to dangerous to blow up without some pretty serious calculations on how to avoid planet killing shrapnel?

 

The Chapter attacked the hulk; the entirety of the Chapter entered to fight the Xenos and Daemons that infested it. During the fighting, the ancient machines that made up large portions of the hulk started to awaken.

This Hulk is big enough that a collision will destroy the Planet, but the only plan they could come up with was to board it and do what exactly? Turn it around? Dismantle it from the inside? How would boarding it and wiping out the Daemons and Xenos avoid a collision? Also, what machinery? And why is it awakening now?

 

By the time the leaders of the Chapter realized that something was amiss it was too late. It was latter discovered that an astonishing number of Imperial Battle Ships were in the hulk, and that they all contained large store of weapons used in the Exterminatus. Though it is not known if it was activated by some galactic coincidence or some move by an unknown force for some unknown plan, but the end result was the same. The hulk launched an uncountable number of missiles at the surface of Regail and its moon.

Where did all these battle ships come from? Why are they are still full of missiles, and in good enough condition to fire them? Why are the missiles still in good enough shape to target things, fly their course without breaking, and still kill?

 

The orbital defenses, which were already firing at the space hulk, and were to expecting to counter landing craft or even chunks of the hulk, were not prepared to counter such an attack. The Chapter was trapped on the hulk and watched as their planet fragmented under the Assault. The Chapter attacked the denizens of the hulk with renewed vigor.

Full fragmentation of the Planet would require a detonation near or in the core, thus destabilizing the magnetic field that binds the planet together, otherwise, the Planet would likely remain whole. A more logical assumption would be that all life would be destroyed. If the goal is to eliminate all life, this is enough; if the goal is to make the planet unlivable, then fallout, radiation, or perhaps awakened volcanic activity is to blame?

 

Why are they trapped? Do they not have a fleet presence? No Strike Cruisers, or a Battle Barge? While the destruction of a planet would certainly drive them towards the foe with renewed vigor, saying they were trapped doesn't seem necessary.

 

After months of fighting, the Chapter emerged forever changed. They watched the hulk’s destruction with a bittersweet feeling of victory. The entire Chapter was silent until they returned to the Battle Barge that was now the Headquarters of their Chapter. One captain officially changed the name of the Chapter, saying “The Order of the Angel is no more; they died aboard that hulk. We that remain are the Knights of the Abyss.”

Captains don't have the authority to change the name of a Chapter. The Name would be almost symbolic, as their name would be blessed and approved by the Emperor. Changing the name implies that the Chapter can better the Emperor and their progenitors. Since however, you didn't seem to have a lot of attachment to their first name, why don't you just have them start as the Knight of the Abyss, thus avoiding this problem all together.

 

They kept the Chapter Emblem the same but they changed the color of their armor from White and gold to iron and black. Armor color has taken the shade of aged iron in recent years.

Colors, like the name are important and symbolic, and it would be a hard thing to believe that they changed. Like the name, I think it would be better if you just started it that way.

 

The Chapter is now fleet based, though they mostly stay around the ruins of Regail, which eventually becomes an asteroid belt named the “Iron Rings” because formally unattainable ore deposits were on the surface of the asteroids. The asteroids are now the site of the training grounds for the Chapter and Forges.

Cool idea, though, as I covered earlier, the Planet wouldn't really break apart. Not even the weapons of the Imperial Navy can achieve this, instead reducing the surface of the planet to rubble.

 

Homeworld

Although Regail was destroyed, the ways of its people still affect the Chapter. The Chapter acts as an order of knights. Honor is an integral part of their belief system, and those that go back on their word are looked down upon.

Space Marines are the epitome of honor, saying that those who go back on their word are frowned upon is pointless, as all chapters are like this.

 

If a misstep is severe enough, a battle brother is assigned to a penitent squad. While not religious per say, a battle brother who serves out their term in the penitent squad will be forgiven. Those in penitent squads fall into deep depressions and lose focus. In battle, although distracted, battle brothers in the penitent squad have some of the most devastating charges in the Imperium as they try to redeem themselves. Members of penitent squads often paint their armor black to separate them from their brothers.

So, I'm to understand that they are simultaneously useless and amazing? They are depressed, unfocused, and yet somehow they are expected to carry the day with their Death Company style charges? I don't see the point of these penitent squads, and I feel they are only their to justify using Death Company on the tabletop, which is a terrible reason to have them in your IA. If you keep them, a bigger armor difference between them would be important, as your chapter is dark enough that painting them black isn't a huge change.

 

History

The history of the Knights of the Abyss is long and illustrious, filled with victories over the Red Corsairs, Word Bearer warbands, Rebellions, and Ork Waaagh!’s. Yet even amoung these honors one stood out yet was not in the hall of honor: Since the formation of their Chapter, not a single Battle Brother had fallen. This all changed in 831.M41.

Seriously? Not a single battle brother? Unrealistic and pointless. Not to mention the fact that 831.M41 takes place after the battle of the Space Hulk which cost them their planet. Are you saying that even in this terrible battle, not a single marine was lost? That seems a little OP to me.

 

A scant 200 years after their homeworld was destroyed, Chapter Master Altus was killed fighting Traitors stirred by the oratory of a Word Bearer Dark Apostle. His successor was named Preatos, and although he had great potential, many older members of the chapter wondered if he had risen too quickly. It would 50 years before they were proved correct.

So, just to recap, your chapter already has the following cliches:

Name Change

Color Change

Destroyed Planet, and now you are adding

Chaos Rebellion?

 

In 889.M41, Preatos left with a force chosen from the first company. They fought their way through the Maelstrom until they came upon a Word Bearers’ bastion under siege by a task force sent by the Imperial Guard to take the fortress. Instead of helping the Guardsman, Preatos and his men attacked them, offering them to the Chaos gods. In the fortress was the same Apostle that organized the uprising that killed Altus, and had somehow been corrupting Preatos for the last 50 years.

Somehow this guy killed the last CM, and then managed to corrupt his replacement? This replacement then corrupts the 1st company, full of hardened veterans who have seen the horrors of wars upon wars, and uses them to attack Guardsmen in offering to the Dark Gods?

 

Although this incident is a grave dishonor to the Chapter as a whole, they do not hide its occurrence. In fact, they use it as a way to gage how noble potential allies might be. If the potential ally sees this incident and thinks that the entire Chapter will soon follow its former master, the Knights of the Abyss will most likely not accept their aid. If they accept this news as a tragic but isolated event, they will have made a lifelong ally.

No. This isn't how the Imperium works. It is insular, withdrawn, facist, paranoid, and incredibly untrusting. Also, you want to "gauge" reactions. If the Knights get uptight because the Imperium doesn't trust them, they won't have any allies left. Your guy turned Traitor, took the 1st company away, and killed a bunch of Guardsmen, all without being caught and punished. No one is likely to trust your marines just because they are kinda sorry.

 

Because they make no attempt to hide this betrayal, the Chapter is under almost constant scrutiny by one part of the Inquisition or another, but the Chapter also has many Inquisitors that they count among their allies, and these allies try their best to help deflect some of the attention.

How did they get so many Inquisitorial allies? As they are a relatively young chapter, without the Ties and Experience of a Chapter of Legend, I think it would be hard to find Inquisitors to go to bat for you. I think that if you want them to have Inquisitorial Allies, then they need to work with the Inquisition and rack up some friends. Also, I think having them find and kill Preatos would be a big step in the right direction, perhaps doing it under Inquisitorial scrutiny.

 

Combat Doctrine

Although their original strategy was focused more on holding a position or breaking through enemy fortifications, a prolonged campaign with a lost company of the Space Wolves have changed that. While the chapter still makes sure that it has the weapons to create a siege, they also balance that with an armored assault, instead of pouring more resources into creating a standstill. The tactical flex ability of their assaults and defense has become a legend unto themselves.

Err? This seems like name dropping. Just some random lost company of the Space Wolves? Why is tactical flexibility making them legendary? The Codex EMPHASIZES the flexibility of Marines, making it near imperative.

 

The Knights of the Abyss also make extensive use of scouts. Unlike many Chapters, Scouts are fully fledged Battle Brothers who have a knack for observation and being able to move unseen. The Aspirants of the Knights of the Abyss don’t see front line duty until they are absolutely ready.

So, more Space Wolfie goodness? If they aren't Scouts, and thus don't serve in the Scout Company, where do they learn the Art of War, and who determines their worthiness?

 

The chapter also finds the sturdiest warhorses and enhances them much in same way that a Battle Brother is, although not to the same extent. While this increases the horse’s strength, toughness, and speed, many riders claim it drastically increases their intelligence as well. Whatever changes the animal undergoes, it is not the same as when it was chosen. The Calvary units of the Knights of the Abyss rival that of even the Space Wolves legendary Thunderwolves.

The Horses rival the Legendary, yet never seen openly, Space Wolf Thunderwolf Calvary? That seems...unlikely. Not to mention the fact that Marines are HEAVY. Thunderwolves bear them because they are the size of Rhinoes, and then enhanced. How big are your Horses, and what purpose does it serve to bring them into Battle? The SW use Fenrisian wolves, because they have a deep attachment to them as a people, and they also have combat abilities, ie, Claws, Teeth, and crazy hunter/killer instincts. A horse...doesn't.

 

Organization

After Preatos’ betrayal, the captains decided the Codex Astartes did not take enough power out of the hands of a single man. It was decided that all decisions for the Chapter would be made by a counsel of the captains, and that when the Chapter went to war, one captain would be nominated by the others as acting Chapter Master until the battle was over. It was decided that once every month the captains would meet via communications to decide the future of the Chapter.

The Codex Astartes, whose sole purpose was to ensure one man never had the power of Legions, wasn't enough? This seems rather vain and ignorant of your chapter to blame the Codex for the fault of your Marines. Also, your chapter doesn't have a dedicated High Command? Who makes the decisions in Crisis, when the Council can't meet? There is a reason War Councils are just that, Councils to a Commander. A Chain of Command is important in Warfare.

 

Beliefs

The Knights of the Abyss view the Emperor and his Primarchs as great warriors, but not gods. As such the Chapter strives to emulate them. Personal Honor and the Honor of their Chapter are of the utmost importance to the Battle Brothers. Should any fail in this regard they are either assigned to a penitent squad or they are banished from the chapter, a tradition brought over from their homeworld. Only once in the history of the Chapter has this occurred, and the Battle Brother was never seen again.

Penitent squads make a certain sort of sense, though I dislike them personally. Nothing against you or them, I just don't like the idea of putting all the shamed in a squad and then relying on them. However, that aside, Banishment is ridiculous, especially to a Space Marine. Killing them yes, Exile no. Mainly because each Space Marine is a hardened warrior, and a man raised to the limits of deadly ability. Letting one loose upon the Galaxy is a terrible idea, especially since they would have to be a BAD guy to get banished in the first place. This is the last type of person you wanna set loose.

 

The Knights of the Abyss will not stand idly by and watch citizens of the Imperium die. Nor will they simply ignore their cries for help if the situation doesn’t seem tactually feasible. For if the Space Marines do not protect the citizens of the Imperium, why were they created?

The point here being? All chapters defend the citizens of the Imperium, in one way or another. Even if they despise them, the very nature of their existence means that every enemy they fight, no matter where it is; is one less enemy that can prey on Mankind. Also, Marines are created for lots of reasons, near the bottom of which is the defense of the common man. Sorry, but the Imperium is a cold and cruel place, with no concern for the masses.

 

So, that probably seemed harsh. I tend to do that... I think the chapter is cool, but you've hit all the cliches, and I don't really know much about them.

 

I know they fight for honor, all marines do though.

I know they are tactically flexible, all marines are though.

I know they are super human warriors who kill bad guys, all marines are though.

 

I don't get a real sense of WHO they are. I believe it is Octavulg who is so famous for the WHY?. Why do they do what they do? Why do they get out bed in the mornings? Why why why? Your marines seem to be a connection of events, without a sense of identity. What drives them, and what makes them special and unique snowflakes? Also, you list battles with no context, cite alliances with other organizations(The Wolves and the Inquisition), without backround. You don't have the why, only the what.

[Leardinal]

first off, welcome to the Liber, I hope you have a long and pleasant stay. That said, I'll give you the same advice that was given to me:

 

"Welcome. Responses are going to be fast, hard, and merciless. It's not an attack on you or your ideas, we just want to make you and your IA better."

 

That said, my responses may seem harsh, but I promise they are all based in some form of logic, though perhaps a twisted, winding, and devious form. With all the disclaimers out of the way, let's get to it shall we?

 

I appreciate all criticisms, I know I am no way shape or form a perfect writer, and therefore many flaws can be found in my ideas. Also, there really is need for a disclaimer: the reputation of the Liber proceeds it.

 

I tried to respond to all your points as you took the time to make them, but after a frustrating struggle with the BBcode I realized a common occurrence in my answers.

 

All of your points are things I need to fix. Some, (such as the boarding of the space hulk and all the events that came about because of the "betrayal,") are leftovers from previous drafts I had done in MS Word and somehow the events became ingrained in my mind as important. Others, (such as the entire banishment tradition,) are so obvious or strange I wonder how I got to them or decided they were a good idea. And still others, (such as the over exaggeration of the power of an Exterminatus,) are from the gaps in my knowledge of some specifics of 40k lore.

 

I should also say that this is based off the Space Wolf codex, even though the symbol and the "penitent squad," (which may not make it through the revision, but just an FYI they are a way for me to explain Blood Claws,) seem to be based on Blood Angels.

 

I just need to re-write this entire thing from scratch, not try to type over it. After that, I need to re-read it about a hundred times then put up here again for the community to review. I am removing the whole "Change" the chapter goes through, as well as the betrayal, though I will be keeping the planet destruction.

 

Thanks for all your criticism, I actually enjoyed reading them. I like to see things from different perspectives as some mistakes are not as obvious to me as to others.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

. Only once in the history of the Chapter has this occurred, and the Battle Brother was never seen again.

 

This just popped out at me then as I skimmed through. Only once? In their entire history only one brother has done something wrong, either deliberately or by mistake? Really?

 

Does this take into account the renegades and traitors that are present within the chaos warbands that come from all loyalist chapters?

 

There are Space Wolf renegades, Imperial Fist traitor warband leaders, Blood Angel berzerkers. if brothers from these chapters can fall so too can yours. They are far and away a tiny minority, definitely, but claiming that your chapter has never had a marine fall from grace (Of which only the Grey Knights and Custodes can claim this, and the Custodes don't count and really, neither should the GK) is just doesn't seem right.

 

it's a rather small niggle but it literally jumped off the page at me.

 

The Knights of the Abyss will not stand idly by and watch citizens of the Imperium die. Nor will they simply ignore their cries for help if the situation doesn't seem tactually feasible. For if the Space Marines do not protect the citizens of the Imperium, why were they created?

 

So you're going the Salamanders route of being one of the few truly humanitarian chapters in the Astartes? That's great, I like that. However, it's tougher to justify than if you'd just left this bit out.

 

I know you've already written all of the above work but before I comment any further I'd ask that you tell me exactly what this chapter is all about. What their core character is as a group and what you want for this chapter. It helps to know this

 

It was latter discovered that an astonishing number of Imperial Battle Ships were in the hulk, and that they all contained large store of weapons used in the Exterminatus.

 

Not all ships, in fact rather few ships carry the necessary ordinance to carry out an order of Exterminatus as the access to such massively destructive weaponry is heavily restricted and monitored. This hulk contained just by sheer coincidence a large store of some of the most powerful and most heavily (perhaps the only truly) regulated weapon in the Imperium?

 

Apologies for not commenting sooner or with more.

[Ecritter]

Welcome to B&C. Writing an IA is hard ... really hard. I suggest reading the Octaguide and Guide to DIYing, they are both very helpful.

 

Everyone seems to have hit on all the key points, I only saw one thing not touched.

 

Once again, maybe I didn't make it clear in the original post. Yes, every chapter has fallen, but this was the Chapter Master and most of the First Company all falling at the same time. There is a significant difference between the occasional battle brother falling and having almost all of your Veterans falling at the same time and I have never read about a Chapter Master falling. I thought, (see what happens when I do that?) that an event such as this would warrant the attention of the =I=.

 

Never read of a Chapter Master falling? Ever hear of Horus? I'm almost sure he was not the last either.