IA ++ Sand Dragons

[Consul of Scorpions]

Alright, obviously I'm going to need to revise the IA again, at least I have less to change this time.

 

 

Huh? We have 'inbred nobility' in England? No doubt they're even now eating all the crumpets and drinking all the tea

American stereotype used for the sake of an analogy, please don't take offense.

 

 

Chaos Infestation

Maybe on any other world, killing off every living thing that is a threat to the Imperium is easy-peasy, I just have a hard time thinking anything short of Exterminatus would completely eradicate the various threats on Zazerus. I'm at somthing of a loss as to why they would want to in the first place aside from the whole 'Chaos=Bad Stuff' thing, it seems like putting troops down on Zazerus to cleans and purge would be excellent training for their greater numbers of neophytes. Does this sound like: 1) a good idea?; and 2) something worth detailing in the IA?

 

I've also taken some time to say it's not just Chaos infesting the planet, but it's not like that hasn't been somewhat overlooked.

 

 

Kopesh/Glaive

Yeah, no, I already said I like the word kopesh and I'm keeping the word kopesh (they use not-spear versions too) or how about a compromise? the 'klaive' and then we can call their ritual blades kopesh?

 

 

Primarch Cults

A thought strikes me, I'd not considered the Cults being part of the reason for the betrayal (I feel like it needs something fancier than the Rout of X). Now follow me for a second here, assuming something was mentioned during the reformation about the Primarch Cults being the source of the betrayal, the very core of the Chapter's belief system would be called into question (then again...) and would cause massive strife in the ranks. Would the Chapter be able to survive the acknowledgement of that deep a flaw? and would they be able to prevent another incident by removing that form of worship? It might just be me being lazy, but keeping that seems like it leaves a gigantic question mark hanging over their future, while doing anything to resolve that open door seems to me (and this is just the author's lame opinion) a big waste.

 

 

The Rules Have no Fluff

Okay, cool, the rules amuse me, building mechanics are my hobby. No matter what the fluff is, I will always find a reason to proliferate mechanical oddities into any DIY army list I've made. And before you suggest so, it is not about making the chapter better on the tabletop, I don't play the game nor do I have the money to play the game, I just like tying concepts to numbers.

 

 

Water Necropoli Don't Work

Perhaps if they were a major source of water and not just THE ONLY source? (How else would mutants and such survive outside the Anpu city-forts?) Additionally, people can carry water in containers, not just walk to the nearest pole and have a sip before walking back... I feel like you're making a straw man out of my idea.

 

 

Chaos, it Does Bad Things, Stop Resisting it So Much

Again, I feel like this idea is worth defending. The people cast out any Chaos worshippers, the open desert being a very deadly place, only the hardiest or most 'gifted' would even have a chance to survive long enough to settle somewhere in the wastes. I would go so far as to say that that the surviving cultists would have been marine-quality recruits if they had been untainted. They have to compete with other nomads and the various denizens that called the sands of Zazerus home. Additionally, ferreting out exiled cultists, even with the resources of a Company or Chapter of Space Marines is work, IMO; you've got countless miles of desert to sweep, which also suffer from frequent bouts of deadly sandstorms, find your way through a flying gravel heap is hard enough if you aren't attempting to maintain a specific heading and those storms aren't just naturally occuring either. I never saw the tribes as a huge threat, though they are slowly growing thanks to the environment more-or-less aiding them in hiding from a better-equipped and trained force.

 

My point being that the rate at which the cultists grow may or may not be greater than their average number of casualties/fatalities per day even with marines actively hunting them down.

 

 

 

NOTE: most of this apologism is thought up on the spot, not predetermined material. So my defense is the same thing as a rewrite (and it often requires a rewrite), IMHO. Please treat it as such (not that you aren't already).

 

[Ecritter]

The problem with using the word "Kopesh" and then describing it as something else is that everyone that knows what one really looks like is gonna have a problem with it. Its easier just to make up a word that's similiar and can mean anything you want it too. I suggest Kopeck. You're welcome in advance.

 

Also, please ... please ... please stop posting stuff under black lines, it makes me not want to read the IA to start with.

 

Remember, you're posting this here for others to read ... please be gentle on us.

[Consul of Scorpions]

Gah, yes yes, I know. I need to take a break from the project anyways and work on something else to put some distance be tween my ego and my work.

 

Thanks for all the help and patience, guys.

[Ace Debonair]

Alright, obviously I'm going to need to revise the IA again, at least I have less to change this time.

Ah, a true sign of progress. :whistling:

 

Huh? We have 'inbred nobility' in England? No doubt they're even now eating all the crumpets and drinking all the tea

American stereotype used for the sake of an analogy, please don't take offense.

None taken! Just doing my part to roundhouse-kick stereotyping. :devil:

 

The stuff with the Primarch Cults leading to the betrayal is a pretty neat idea. Even if the chapter does call the whole thing into question afterwards, they wouldn't have to abandon their concept. Heck, they could conclude the others betrayed because they didn't follow it right and get more strict because of it. :P

[Consul of Scorpions]

My biggest misgiving is that most of these changes require the addition of more material.

 

I also had a thought, the homeworld seems complicated enough to require its own separate article/get mostly cut out of the IA.

[Ace Debonair]

My biggest misgiving is that most of these changes require the addition of more material.

 

I also had a thought, the homeworld seems complicated enough to require its own separate article/get mostly cut out of the IA.

 

 

True. Presenting a simplified version of the world is a good idea; I had the same problem with the Stonebound.

I could write a damn book about Kagara, their homeworld. ;)

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Alright. Let me start with the most important part of my reply:

 

pay attention.

 

That is the most obnoxious, irritating reply to anything I have ever heard in Liber.

Especially when said repeatedly to someone who has just critiqued your entire IA. And bear in mind, that isn't even in the top ten most devastating/in depth criticisms I've read this month.

 

American stereotype used for the sake of an analogy, please don't take offense.

 

Now I know I'm jumping onto the bandwagon a little late so I'll keep it brief.

 

Frankly you just don't think before you type. That's all it is and honestly there isn't an excuse for it. Not when you're communicating in the same medium as everyone else here. I've been in the Liber for a while now and while I'm in no way long in the tooth like some (Octavulg for example), I've seen more than one chapter get shot down in flames or dropped like a stone simply because the author did not appreciate the effort taken by the posters to critique their chapter in order to respond in an amicable manner.

 

Now on to your ideas.

 

I never saw the tribes as a huge threat, though they are slowly growing thanks to the environment more-or-less aiding them in hiding from a better-equipped and trained force.

 

This is something I've had in my IA with the Blazing Sons in the past. The fact is that I doubt any loyalist chapter would tolerate such things on their homeworld of all places. If a chapter can stop an Ork Waagh!, defeat their erstwhile chaos brethren, Eldar incursions, Dark Eldar raiders and Necron harvesting then a bunch of tribesmen on their own homeworld would not be an issue. At all. No matter the environment as in the official fluff the Astartes have won out agaisnt larger and more capable enemies in just about every environment known to man anyway.

 

You can easily have it as a facet of the chapter in the way of a cultural influence for purity and intolerance for chaos, sure, just not an ever-present force upon the homeworld itself. Anyway, things that affect the character of the chapter rather than simply always being around physically are much more interesting.

 

Kopesh/Glaive

Yeah, no, I already said I like the word kopesh and I'm keeping the word kopesh (they use not-spear versions too) or how about a compromise? the 'klaive' and then we can call their ritual blades kopesh?

 

Being belligerent won't help you here. Whether you like the word or not is almost completely irrelevant. If you're aiming to break the readers suspension of disbelief then congratulations, you've done a fantastic job. Otherwise it's just got to go.

 

In any case naming conventions of certain blades are pretty low on the list of things that actually matter to an IA to make the chapter an interesting read. Really, really low down.

 

The Rules Have no Fluff

Okay, cool, the rules amuse me, building mechanics are my hobby. No matter what the fluff is, I will always find a reason to proliferate mechanical oddities into any DIY army list I've made. And before you suggest so, it is not about making the chapter better on the tabletop, I don't play the game nor do I have the money to play the game, I just like tying concepts to numbers.

 

All well and good and is something I enjoy a little bit here and there as well. That said, this isn't the place for it and not many people who call the Liber home are going to even bother commenting on it so why include it? Save it for people who are more interested in it.

 

True. Presenting a simplified version of the world is a good idea; I had the same problem with the Stonebound. I could write a damn book about Kagara, their homeworld.

 

Quoted for truth.

 

Most of the time with DIY's one of the hardest things to cut down is the homeworld, since it is basically where all of your cultural influences and a lot of the chapters character are drawn from, which makes them fun to develop. I've done the same with my Blazing Sons and now am having to pare it down and am not having much fun, truth be told.

[Consul of Scorpions]

Hnn, okay, so the cultist can't be exactly what I've been describing so far, but new tribes can continue to pop up and seem to be growing in numbers and resources, right? It doesn't change the dynamic very much and the Chapter still has to dedicate more forces to the constant insurrections on their supposedly pure homeworld. I wouldn't be surprised if the Anpu cities were really just the tops of massive hives that form a global underhive. And necrons are an excellent reason why the undercities were sealed off in the first place.

 

Where do these mutants and cultists keep coming from?

 

Right benenath your feet... That's sufficiently grimdark (more typical horror, but it's the best I can do), I'd think, yes?

 

I'm thinking I cut out a lot of the homeworld stuff, leave the water-faith for the beliefs section, and just gloss over the death world, resurgent mutant/cultist tribes, and a worldwide catacomb of horrors just beneath the sands. And how does this get discovered... looking for a new source of water?

 

UPDATE: consider the thread closed, I'm doing another revision to pare down the number of core concepts, expect a new name and face