Dark Vanguard chapter

[CantonWC]

I'm back, here we go.

 

Name - Dark Vanguard. Now - traitors, but not Chaos Traitor marines. Main idea - fallen, disillusioned with their service, dark-knights with some high morale (for CSM, of course - knowing such word as "respect", but no honor or something, and very, very violent).

 

Alright, I don't want to discourage you, but this sort of thing has been done before, the whole "we've been cast out of the Imperium but we're still loyal" thing. Forgive me for groaning when I read this.

 

Foundation - officially unknown (spoiler: third). Primarch and chapter-progenitor are also "unknown" (spoiler: Ultramarines).

 

Why don't they already know who they are? Why do they have to discover who they are?

 

My original points still stand.

 

Gene-seed mutated because of native world of chapter - particularly strong skin. Now this guys are crazy in some way (like Kirk Lazarus in Tropic Thunder or Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean). Also they have straight skin, scythe-figured fingers, sharp teeth, black eyes with white pupil.

 

...What?

 

Again, don't care about any of this. Don't care what they look like. What we want to know is what they're like as people.

 

Style - bone-styled lines of armor (don't mean skulls, bones etc.), litanies on their armor and weapons, and only eight-pointed star as Chaos-symbolics on their armor. No arrows, wings and cloaks mantles. Any jewelry to a minimum. Only litanies, writings and so on.

 

If they bear the eight-pointed star, they have declared for Chaos. They are traitors and they will be killed on sight.

 

Fighting with Imperium because of Inquisition (they are now traitors due young (68 years old) inquisitor, who made a mistake, accused them of heresy (before they have fallen)).

 

Double groan. "Evil Inquisitor who double crosses the Chapter and now they're on the path of evil."

[DarkVen]

They are chaos space marines. With blood, violence and other pretty things inspired by rotten. I meant that they are not so… chaotic, as ancient legions. Still, they are NOT loyal, and they hate Emperor.

 

They have lost many scriptures of their very-first days after founding, while their planet was destroyed.

 

And… that's part of their "beliefs" and gene-seed mutations in two words. And it's much easier to know style and main conception of chapter, I guess. Like writing a book: when know all of main-points, it's easier to write. For me, anyway.

 

Yep, they are true-traitors with no hug to the Imperium.

 

Alright, this was critics… what about advices?

[DarkVen]

Added info

[CantonWC]

I meant that they are not so… chaotic, as ancient legions

 

I doubt anyone's going to notice the distinction, if any.

 

Bad-knights, who know "respect" for powerful enemy

 

Okay

 

At the same time, usually they destroy entire worlds, leaving living (sorry for the pun) humans without skin, eyes, tongues etc.

 

Not particularly respectful in my opinion. If anything, it's desecrating and humiliating people who probably can't fight back.

 

There's now 8 "companies", each consist between 100-500 marines.

 

Why are there so many?

 

They have lost many scriptures of their very-first days after founding, while their planet was destroyed.

 

You have not answered any of the points I brought up.

 

Nooo. Not this again. Alright look, I don't know how familiar you are with 40k, but unknown gene-seed is just, you don't want to do it. I have seen so many Chapters with 'unknown gene-seed' and I have literally been back to this forum for only a month, that should tell you something about how lazy and cliched this plot hook is.

 

If you are trying to emulate the Blood Ravens, then don't. Just because a Chapter does something doesn't make it a good idea. The Blood Ravens do a lot of things that are considered taboo in the Liber, they would not last two minutes here.

 

Furthermore, unknown gene-seed falls apart once you realize a few things:

 

AdMech can test the gene-seed, compare it to other Chapters and figure out which Primarch it came from. There are only nine Loyalist Primarchs, and many of them exhibit distinct traits such as missing organs.

 

The Imperium may be bad at record keeping, but this simply isn't going to happen with the Adeptus Astartes, some of the Imperium's most powerful and prestigious institutions. There has to be a record somewhere.

 

Heritage is so important to the Space Marines. How is that they can simply forget who they are? How is it that no one told the new generation which Primarch they came from?

 

If they're 3rd Founding, they are going to be a very old and very prestigious Chapter with thousands of years of history and records of everything that happened. It does not matter if they lose records of their early days. If they have even just one or two records lying around somewhere it's probably going to mention who their Primarch is.

 

Is it really so hard for a Captain to mention to the new recruits, "Hey our Primarch is Jaghatai, don't forget kay?"

 

Unknown gene-seed just does not work. Period.

 

Alright, this was critics… what about advices

 

My advice to you... Write out in one sentence what these guys *are.* Chaos Marines that do whatever.

 

Then write another sentence telling me what these guys *believe*, what their personalities are like, what motivates them. So far I haven't really seen anything that tells me what these guys are like, what their motivations are, what made them fall to Chaos in the first place.

[DarkVen]

I doubt anyone's going to notice the distinction, if any.

On the table? Models are heavy-converted, if I understand question right.

You have not answered any of the points I brought up.

Okay, will try to answer it.

If they're 3rd Founding, they are going to be a very old and very prestigious Chapter with thousands of years of history and records of everything that happened. It does not matter if they lose records of their early days. If they have even just one or two records lying around somewhere it's probably going to mention who their Primarch is.

 

Is it really so hard for a Captain to mention to the new recruits, "Hey our Primarch is Jaghatai, don't forget kay?"

 

Unknown gene-seed just does not work. Period.

Okay. I even have good idea about it...

My advice to you... Write out in one sentence what these guys *are.* Chaos Marines that do whatever.

 

Then write another sentence telling me what these guys *believe*, what their personalities are like, what motivates them. So far I haven't really seen anything that tells me what these guys are like, what their motivations are, what made them fall to Chaos in the first place.

Hmmm, I write about them and I know what I'm writing about (style, history, theme etc.). Fall to Chaos is know in work (wanna do strong drama :teehee: ).