Astral Scorpions Beta 0.5

[Astral Scorpions]

Astral Scorpions

Seed: Jaghatai Khan

Successors of: Storm Lords

Founding: 15th

Sector: Segmentum Ultima

Wold:Kairo IV - Feral Sand Desert, boarder lining on Death World

History: After the 4th Black Crusade had been turned back, there was much concern within the Imperium that certain regions remained too poorly defended in case of a future Chaos incursion. While the Segmentum Ultima was considered by most to be well defended by the Ultra Marines and many of it's successors, and theirs in turn, some Lords felt that adding variety to the gene base there would create a more adaptive front able to better repel a variety of assaults. While many Lords felt that what few chapters there were that came from the lines of other Primarchs was sufficient, there were enough outcries that it was decided to add three new chapters to the Segmentum not from the line of Guilliman.

When a feral desert world with limited resources fought over by various fractured tribes was discovered, it was considered an ideal candidate for culling Astures. The only remaining question was what geneseed to use. After almost a year of debate, it was decided that the lineage of Khan would be used, as his children usually came from fragmented tribal worlds. Storm Lords were eventually selected for geneseed origin, and a unit of them under Commander Sign Khan were dispatched to oversee the founding of the chapter. Originally named the Desert Whirlwinds, recruitment was initially slow, as Echileies had to purify the new world and the Citadel had to be constructed to house the new recruits. It also proved difficult to track down new recruits, the natives extremely nomadic lifestyle making it difficult to find new groups to cull. Eventually Sign Khan was able to recruit a full hundred men who would then begin their training. That was when the problems began.

While the Kairons were quick to embrace the firepower of the gun, they disliked the idea of auto-fire, considering it a waste. They instead admired the beauty of the sniper rifle, its expert precision, its delivery of quick death from a truly great distance. They valued accuracy and reliability over firepower. While this was not a flawed doctrine, it was unusual for one of the lineage of the Great Khan. Other differences soon emerged. While still adept at assault, they once again favored form and precision over power and speed. Whats more, they felt assault as a clean-up tactic after the enemy was weakened by fire illogical. Why not just keep killing them from a safe distance? The Whirlwinds also did not see much point to assault packs, as they exposed you fully to open enemy fire just so you could engage in close combat with an enemy, instead of just shooting them from cover. The only tactics they seemed to agree upon was that Dreadnaughts, Land Raiders, and the like were too slow for practical assault, and that the speed of bikes and speeders was more valuable. However, while these vehicles formed a tactical staple of the Storm Lords, as well as their progenitors, the White Scars, the Whirlwinds saw instead that they should be used as support for larger infantry units instead of the focus of the attacks.

Finding himself in charge of a group that thought radically different than others of the lineage, Sign Khan found himself in a dilemma. He could either stay and attempt to mould the new chapter to the ideals of the Great Khan, or he could return to his own chapter and forget about them, but that would cost him the privileges of Chapter Master. In the end he chose to leave, stating that the natives were too primitive to grasp the higher tactics. This made the Lords of Tera quite nervous that they had wasted geneseed on a poor choice of worlds. However, they needn't have worried, as the new Chapter Master, the Calif Abala had already identified the cause of the rift. His people grew upon and learned war in a desert world. There, stealth, surprise, and precision were what won the day. Deciding to adapt to this new doctrine of war, he began new special training regiments. In addition, he recruited a full three hundred aspirants, a staggering number for so young a chapter. By the time the first fifty year service studs were awarded to the 'veterans' of the chapter, the number of Asturas had reached a full four hundred. It was at this early stage that they were put to the test.

A hive world by the name of Vicalyia III had come under assault by a chaos cult dedicated to the dread power of Nurgle, the Unclean, and rumors had started to circulate of Traitor Exremis involvement. While the full 8th and 9th companies of Ultramaries would be sent in to aid the Imperial Guard in crushing the several hundred million heretics, it was decided that three other chapters that were nearby would dedicate a full company as well. The Whirlwinds, being one of them, happily complied. They sent fifty tactical marines aided by two ten men bike squadrons, a Predator armed with only an auto-cannon turret, a pair of rhinos, and a full fifteen scouts. While many questioned the benefits of scouts or bike troops on a hive world, and troops were welcome really. The scouts proved their use early on. While their long rang was somewhat mitigated by the narrow spaces of the hive city, their accuracy made it easy to decapitate the enemy leadership, even when they were surrounded by their loyal heretic guards. The bikes proved their usefulness out on the ash dunes that separated the various hives, where their mobility enabled them to quickly dance around enemy troops while severely harassing them. The Whirlwinds also proved to be consummate urban fighters, their emphasis on stealth and understanding of when enemies were trying to sneak upon them both being cornerstones of this style of conflict. While the Ultramarines were ultimately the heroes of the conflict, the Whirlwinds were noted to have made worthwhile contributions, setting the Lords of Tera's minds at ease, at least those that still remembered the worries about the chapter.

Relations

Inquisition

Orders

Ordo Hereticus

- Some concerns about their Cult, but otherwise clean.

Ordo Xenos

- Fine relationship, plenty of Death Watch over the millennium

- Sabotage skills accel at weakening enemy Xenos worlds for conquest and purification.

Ordo Malleus

- No real relations. Yet.

Factions

The Thorians

- Share belief that the Emperor is unbound to his physical form. While the Scorpion believe that he is in the other world actively fighting Chaos, the Thorians believe he works through mortal agents.

- Due to their similar beliefs, the Thorians defend the Scorpion's Cult.

Monodominants

- Take offence to the Scorpion's Cult suggestion that the Emperor is a spirit.

Amalathians

-As the Scorpions do not destabilize the Empire, the 'Strength through Unity'applies.

-However, as the Scorpions are master saboteur, the Amalathians closely monitor them.

This is obviously a work in progress. There is a good bit more to history, but I am still working out a lot of the specifics. Feedback on what I've got so far is apreceated.

[Octavulg]

That color scheme is incandescent.

[Consul of Scorpions]

I'm noticing a familiar choice of colors... and... let me just replace my eye-bulbs because they've been burned out.

 

That is a bright pink.

 

...he began new special training regiments. In addition...

That should be "regimen"

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Let me be clear, I hate the colour pink.

 

That is a god awful pink. It's making my eyes bleed.

 

 

Now, enough about the colour scheme as I'm sure this is getting a little disheartening.

 

History: After the 4th Black Crusade had been turned back, there was much concern within the Imperium that certain regions remained too poorly defended in case of a future Chaos incursion. While the Segmentum Ultima was considered by most to be well defended by the Ultra Marines and many of it's successors, and theirs in turn, some Lords felt that adding variety to the gene base there would create a more adaptive front able to better repel a variety of assaults.

 

Maybe it's just me but the way these sentences are worded leaves me a little bit confused afterwards. This is not a good thing.

 

First off a couple of 40k grammatical corrections.

 

Ultima Segmentum, not vice versa usually, though this is a tiny nitpick. Also it's Ultramarines, not Ultra Marines. I know technically it should be the latter, but it isn't.

 

Now, the High Lords felt that some of the highest performing and generally fantastic chapters built from the Ultramarines gene-stock and teachings (of which (what 70% is it?) most of the Astartes chapters are made up of) aren't the best choice for forming a new founding? I'm sure if the High Lords had their way pretty much the only chapters out there would be raised from the purer, and less unhinged chapters out there. Of which you can only really point to the Imperial Fists and the Ultramarines as being really the first choice in these regards.

 

So, by implication the High Lords would rather have chapters built from defective, unstable or knowingly mutated/cursed geneseed? Or have chapters created from others that are more than a little nutty? Isn't the Astartes mostly comprised of Ultramarine descendants simply because the High Lords choose it so regularly?

[Octavulg]

You guys see that as pink? I see that as light purple.

[Consul of Scorpions]

I think it might be warlock purple, to be exact.

[Ace Debonair]

Let me be clear, I hate the colour pink.

 

That is a god awful pink. It's making my eyes bleed.

 

Looks purple to me. That said, I'd incline away from purple and green as a colourscheme, or at least make the colours a lot more faded.

 

EDIT: Bah, double ninja'd.

It appears consensus is on the side of purple after all.

 

So, by implication the High Lords would rather have chapters built from defective, unstable or knowingly mutated/cursed geneseed? Or have chapters created from others that are more than a little nutty? Isn't the Astartes mostly comprised of Ultramarine descendants simply because the High Lords choose it so regularly?

I didn't think the White Scars were particularly 'nutty'. Certainly not next to the 'Fists, anyway.

 

Picking a geneseed isn't like a maths test - you don't have to show your working out. Just say they went with Khan's geneseed.

 

Also, I don't think the HLoT pick the homeworlds for your marines - I think that's their decision to make, although I might be wrong about that.

 

Finally, a query - it says at the top this chapter is the Astral Scorpions, but in all the text seems to refer to them as Whirlwinds (which is also the name of a Space Marine tank), so which is it? :lol:

[Ezekial Gravestone]

does the shade of the pink matter with that darkish green it makes my brain cry and my eyes want to run away, go with that if you want them to be traitors, slanessh would love them

 

other then what else has been said, thats about the only problem i have, espacly if they are from a desert world

[Consul of Scorpions]

maybe the sand is green and purple?

 

IIRC, the OP said the Astral Scorpions had originally been called the Whirlwinds Chapter

[Astral Scorpions]

I think it might be warlock purple, to be exact.

 

Yes it is. OK, so most of you hate the color scheme, I'll work on that LAST. It's kinda the least important part.

 

That should be "regimen"

 

Ah, thank you, when I edit it I'll be sure to fix that.

 

So, by implication the High Lords would rather have chapters built from defective, unstable or knowingly mutated/cursed geneseed?

 

Incorrect. The Great Khan's geneseed possess no mutation. Also they felt that there were too many Ultramarine successors in the Segmentum and felt that a few variations would add stability to the sector. It's politics, it doesn't necessarily ring true.

 

You stated that the grammar made my intentions unclear, can you give me some advice on how to clear this up?

 

Picking a geneseed isn't like a maths test - you don't have to show your working out. Just say they went with Khan's geneseed.

 

Also, I don't think the HLoT pick the homeworlds for your marines - I think that's their decision to make, although I might be wrong about that.

 

I actually wanted to show that the HLoT during the time of the 15th founding were extensive meddlers. "Hey, here's a feral world full of deadly conditions, we get great marines from those, lets base them there. A fragmented tribal society? Sound's like Khan geenseed to me."

 

I honestly don't know if the HLoT or the AA pick out most homeworlds, but I wanted mine to be a bureaucratic mess at the start.

 

Finally, a query - it says at the top this chapter is the Astral Scorpions, but in all the text seems to refer to them as Whirlwinds (which is also the name of a Space Marine tank), so which is it?

 

They change their name later on, with either the 3rd or 4th Chapter Master. I read the DIY guide about how a name change is a major thing, and it is. It was basically a declaration that they aren't like their Storm Lord brethren, who named them almost as an afterthought, a combination of the planets nature and their own storm theme. Astral Scorpions on the other hand better reflects their beliefs (a spirit world parallel to the physical one) and their stratagem (sabotage, assassination, and ambush), and so they changed the name.

 

maybe the sand is green and purple?

 

Actually, there is a lot of copper oxide yes. Might change the purple to brown. That would make it a bit more multipurpose.

[Dosjetka]

Looking good so far, though I'm not sure that you really need the last "Relations" part with all the Ordos and then Factions because you could go on and on and on...

 

Will be watching this :P

 

Ludovic

 

Edit:

 

When a feral desert world with limited resources fought over by various fractured tribes was discovered, it was considered an ideal candidate for culling Astures.

It's written "Astartes" ;)

[Astral Scorpions]

Yes I've noticed a couple other errors as well. I'm mostly looking at context, not spelling right now.

 

As for the relations, that's mostly just notes for ideas on how they relate to the various factions and Ordos of the =][=, an important part to consider, especially for justification purposes.

[Guest Mordray]

Seems interesting and a neat idea for how a chapter can change tactics from what it's founders would have favored...

 

However your reasoning is slightly flawed as I see it. While it is true 'codex' chapters can be boring (my own only uses the codex for basic tactics and as a reference guide to their own homegrown methods) that doesn't mean they are ineffective... some of the more zealous ones are rather ineffective but that can be said of any soldier who can't innovate. You can teach Tactics and Strategy you can't teach Innovation.

 

On a side note why did you chose the White Scars as your successor? I'm curious as to what you think this gene-seed will bring to the chapter nothing more then that.

 

Oh and if you'd break the info up into it's proper sections. That'd help get people providing constructive criticism and should help with the wall of text effect you've got going... I'll admit I had to reread it sometimes because I glossed over something apparently important.

 

Relations sections aren't really needed and should be avoided in relation to the Inquisition... simply put there is no organization called the Inquisition it is a collection of independent Inquesitors that effectively only answer to each other. Within the 'inquisition' it's all about alliances...

[Octavulg]

some Lords felt that adding variety to the gene base there would create a more adaptive front able to better repel a variety of assaults.

 

Except the Ultramarines geneseed makes up two-thirds of extant Space Marine chapters. It’s the most popular. The High Lords wanting to diversify seems a little odd.

 

While many Lords felt that what few chapters there were that came from the lines of other Primarchs was sufficient, there were enough outcries that it was decided to add three new chapters to the Segmentum not from the line of Guilliman.

 

You’re dictating a lot of details about the Fifteenth Founding. That’s generally not a good idea – limits the shared universe.

 

General note: You seem to be focusing mostly on their tactics. While this isn’t bad, it’s a lot more interesting to read about as beliefs, unique rituals and events, and general concepts than in terms of their attitude toward particular weapons, troop types, and vehicles.

Yes it is. OK, so most of you hate the color scheme, I'll work on that LAST. It's kinda the least important part.

 

Not true, young Padawan. It’s the least relevant, but color scheme is important to how people see and think about your Chapter, and a terrible color scheme can make it hard to focus on the details, or make it hard to take the Chapter seriously. Likewise, a good one can make things seem much more natural and reasonable.

 

Incorrect. The Great Khan's geneseed possess no mutation. Also they felt that there were too many Ultramarine successors in the Segmentum and felt that a few variations would add stability to the sector. It's politics, it doesn't necessarily ring true.

 

Considering the degree of devotion shown to the Ultramarines, that seems odd. Second, from IA White Scars: “However, with the introduction of genetic material from the steppes tribesmen, the genome seems to have inherited their wild savagery and thirst for war.” They’re not impure, but they do have quirks, much like several other genetic lines.

 

I honestly don't know if the HLoT or the AA pick out most homeworlds, but I wanted mine to be a bureaucratic mess at the start.

 

Could be fun (I like the idea of a Chapter fighting the bureaucracy of the Imperium, actually), but I’d rather it were this Chapter rather than the founding generally. The more you leave open, the easier it is for everyone to accept.

 

They change their name later on, with either the 3rd or 4th Chapter Master. I read the DIY guide about how a name change is a major thing, and it is. It was basically a declaration that they aren't like their Storm Lord brethren, who named them almost as an afterthought, a combination of the planets nature and their own storm theme. Astral Scorpions on the other hand better reflects their beliefs (a spirit world parallel to the physical one) and their stratagem (sabotage, assassination, and ambush), and so they changed the name.

 

Not bad as reasoning goes.

 

Actually, there is a lot of copper oxide yes. Might change the purple to brown. That would make it a bit more multipurpose.

 

Honestly, I’m not a big fan of the layout of the colors, either. Or the green. It just looks messy all round.

[Astral Scorpions]

Ok, does this look better?

And now for the infamous Bowling Ball of Face Help.

Could be fun (I like the idea of a Chapter fighting the bureaucracy of the Imperium, actually), but I’d rather it were this Chapter rather than the founding generally. The more you leave open, the easier it is for everyone to accept.

That's fine, I never said so for the founding in general for the selection of homeworlds, just for this one.

You’re dictating a lot of details about the Fifteenth Founding. That’s generally not a good idea – limits the shared universe.

Ok yeah, didn't really think about that part. I'll edit that down, a lot.

Except the Ultramarines geneseed makes up two-thirds of extant Space Marine chapters. It’s the most popular. The High Lords wanting to diversify seems a little odd.

Some HLoTs felt it was overused at the time. Personal opinions can be wrong. Remember, this idea was not universaly suported by all the HLoT.

General note: You seem to be focusing mostly on their tactics. While this isn’t bad, it’s a lot more interesting to read about as beliefs, unique rituals and events, and general concepts than in terms of their attitude toward particular weapons, troop types, and vehicles.

Already working on it.

[CKO]

I am having a hard time understanding their combat doctrine. :huh:

 

Assuming that the Storm Lords use the same tactics as White Scars, how exactly are they different? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but if something likes that happen where your mentors up and leave it should be clear and precise.

[Astral Scorpions]

I am having a hard time understanding their combat doctrine. :huh:

 

Assuming that the Storm Lords use the same tactics as White Scars, how exactly are they different? Maybe I am reading it wrong, but if something likes that happen where your mentors up and leave it should be clear and precise.

 

That's because their combat doctrine section isn't up yet. :P

 

Once again, as mentioned in other comments, they specialize in ambushes, assassinations, and sabotage. The Storm Lords and White Scars favor hit and run tactics to weaken the enemy and lightning strikes to take out key points.

 

Their tactics can be summed up in their motto "It matters not how fast the enemy die, only that they die."

 

On a side note why did you chose the White Scars as your successor? I'm curious as to what you think this gene-seed will bring to the chapter nothing more then that.

 

Ah simple enough, I wanted them for contrast mostly. Also, it's an underutilized geneseed, and one that bears more exploring. Is the ferocity genetic, as some suspect,, or is it a result of the training and culture? While the Astral Scorpions are not foes that rush you in a vast hoard, they are still ruthless in their efficient killing, and think nothing of using civilians as fodder, decoys, bait, or simply killing them if they get in the way.

 

On a personal, non-fluff note, I also happen to be a bit of a medieval history buff, and the Mongols were freaking awesome.

[CKO]

I understand your combat doctrine a little better now, but I think you will have a hard time explaing the difference. They are basically more like the Raven Guard instead of White Scars to make things simple for people like me.

[Astral Scorpions]

I understand your combat doctrine a little better now, but I think you will have a hard time explaing the difference. They are basically more like the Raven Guard instead of White Scars to make things simple for people like me.

 

Except that the Raven Guard use more vehicles, scouts, droppods, and jump-packs than the Scorpions, and are more known for proactive assaults and lightning strikes on key points.

 

The Scorpions on the other hand let the enemy come to them, then open fire with large squads of tactical marines, often with support from carefully concealed heavy weapons teams. Scouts act less as long-range reconnaissance and more like snipers, staying behind the front line to make maximum use of their range and accuracy to pick off key targets quickly in an ambush.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Except the Ultramarines geneseed makes up two-thirds of extant Space Marine chapters. It’s the most popular. The High Lords wanting to diversify seems a little odd.

 

This is essentially what I was getting at.

 

The Scorpions on the other hand let the enemy come to them, then open fire with large squads of tactical marines, often with support from carefully concealed heavy weapons teams. Scouts act less as long-range reconnaissance and more like snipers, staying behind the front line to make maximum use of their range and accuracy to pick off key targets quickly in an ambush.

 

And....?

 

What I'm getting at here is it's not particularly engaging. Reading detailed descriptions of the tactics used always feels rather dry to me. If you describe those tactics using a colour piece in a sidebar then it would be more interesting. They illustrate the same point but are told in a more narrative, story like manner rather than a description.