IT: Rift Lords

[Ace Debonair]

Hey, if you want to take a shot at throwing together a demon-themed sidebar, I'll be the last guy to stop you. :P

I'm aware the sidebar I've got right now is only so-so. :)

 

Because I'm aware that GHY is otherwise engaged with that thing called a "life", I'll throw my hat in for this.. What kind of thing/personality do you want for it, sirrah?

 

Er... that's where the problem is - I don't really know. :sweat:

 

I reckon you can't go wrong with blatantly devious and cunning, so it always looks like it's lying. :lol:

But beyond that, I haven't a clue.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The key here is not to think of the Daemon as something so unbelievably alien to human logic so as to make it too hard to write.

 

It may well be a Daemon but it would have it's own goals, hopes, dreams and so on and so forth. And while in scifi or fantasy we usually love the 'unknowable enemy' because they are so horrifically different from us, it only really works when they don't speak or have any relatable motivation, like the Aliens from the Alien films. They are more animal than human.

 

As a human it's incredibly hard to write a character that isn't in of itself very much the same. Therefore, don't. You wrote out Keja and Maluk, two rather evil individuals. You can write the daemon. Don't let the 'demonicness' of the demon distract you from what makes a good character.

 

What does a Daemon want? Power. How can a caged daemon gain more power?

 

Well what if the cage isn't really a cage? What if this Daemon has been trapped on the mortal plain here in the Shroud Stars for eons and the 'cage' that was created to bind him has actually been corrupted to become a warp amplifier? He needs more mortals to reside in the Shroud Stars and worship chaos in order to weaken the barriers of real space and the warp enough for him to finally rejoin the Empryan and regain his original stature.

 

It gives him a good reason to help the renegades and it also gives you a good reason why it isn't betraying them or eating them. As well as yet another reason for it to lie to them. They don't have the means to let it out of the cage, but they wouldn't want to, and neither does it.

 

What do you think?

[Ace Debonair]

What do you think?

Well, I reckon I can pen characters well enough to pass muster in most cases.

 

What is getting in my way is the absolute and near-complete lack of knowledge about 40k's demons.

And try though I might, I just can't work up the enthusiasm to research them. ;)

 

One thing that would be an absolute must for any sidebar with the demon in is the definite sense that it's only staying in the cage because it wants to. Few things are more un-nerving to a leader than an apparent prisoner who is clearly only staying put because it suits him to do so.

 

I'm also equally certain, however, that I wouldn't want to reveal anything about the demon's actual motivation. The reasons for this are twofold. Firstly; I think the hints that everything is pretty much going as it planned should be enough. Secondly; I'm not sure I want to go into that much detail in a sidebar, or an IT at all for that matter.

 

Actually, let me add thridly, which is that I don't have a motivation for the demon beyond 'captives = yummy tribute' right now. ^_^

[Dosjetka]

Wow. Ace you've done a great job on your Rift Lords! I really enjoyed reading through it. :D I'm glad you did some Traitors instead of all those filthy loyalists...

 

Anyway, to be honest, I can find no fault in your IT.. so I'm guessing that's good :)

 

What are working on at the moment?

 

Ludovic

[Ace Debonair]

What are working on at the moment?

 

Ludovic

I'm up to the eyeballs in real-world stuff, so I'm kinda taking things slow right now.

 

Although amongst my DIYs, it's mostly the Rift Lords taking priority. :D

[Dosjetka]

I'm up to the eyeballs in real-world stuff, so I'm kinda taking things slow right now.

 

Although amongst my DIYs, it's mostly the Rift Lords taking priority. :D

Ach nein. That's not fun. :) Good luck!

 

I'll read through the three pages and see if I can develop on anything :)

 

Ludovic

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

And try though I might, I just can't work up the enthusiasm to research them.

 

Ahh, you're too much of a loyalist at heart, just like me. :cuss

 

 

Well I think it's easy enough to simplify.

 

All daemons are after one thing, power. Daemon footsoldiers not so much, since they are more of an emotional creation of their patron god's ideals and core values.

 

Greater daemons like this one, are ambitious and power hungry. Think of a sociopathic corporate CEO. He cares nothing for his employees or competitors who he hurts along his course up the social and monetary ladder. The Daemon is very similar in character, I'd say.

 

There are differences, these are in the methods used as each greater daemon is still an extension of their gods, but you probably knew that already and since this is an undivided daemon, we'll skip past this bit.

 

This daemon would want power. Really the only question is how smart this daemon is and how desperate he is to acquire said power, whether he has patience for the long play or not.

 

 

 

You know I'm starting to think I'm just waffling on about the same point over and over and over in varying ways. I must start posting when I'm NOT tired as hell.

 

I be only trying to help, but I don't think I'm doing that. Work is hard! That's my excuse. :)

[Ace Debonair]

Greater daemons like this one, are ambitious and power hungry. Think of a sociopathic corporate CEO. He cares nothing for his employees or competitors who he hurts along his course up the social and monetary ladder. The Daemon is very similar in character, I'd say.

And now I'm picturing a big, grinning demon with slicked back horns, wearing an expensive suit and telling someone on a cellphone that his people will be in touch. :lol:

 

This daemon would want power. Really the only question is how smart this daemon is and how desperate he is to acquire said power, whether he has patience for the long play or not.

Smart enough to appear unambitious, and patient beyond human understanding.

Hmm. I might be able to give this a shot after all. :to:

 

Well, once I'm less busy, obviously. :P

I be only trying to help, but I don't think I'm doing that. Work is hard! That's my excuse. :P

Nah, this is useful stuff.

Hopefully I'll get the chance to make use of it later. ^_^

[Ace Debonair]

Well, it's time to dust off my Rift Lords for another bout of criticism and stuff.

 

I had a go at writing a daemon-related sidebar. Unfortunately, in sidebar form, it was longer than most of the IT. :pinch:

 

And honestly, I like the sidebar with Keja and Marnok more, although Marnok needs a name that sounds less like Maluk. :wallbash:

 

Opinions and discussions on the sidebars as they are now, or indeed on any other part of the article, are most welcome and heartily encouraged. :lol:

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Well, it's time to dust off my Rift Lords for another bout of criticism and stuff.

 

Well....

 

And now I'm picturing a big, grinning demon with slicked back horns, wearing an expensive suit and telling someone on a cellphone that his people will be in touch.

 

Where's my demonic executive?

 

That is all.

 

:wallbash:

 

*Edit*

 

For now. :pinch:

Edited January 6, 2011 by Grey Hunter Ydalir

[Ace Debonair]

Where's my demonic executive?

*sigh*Behold:

Makeshift Name

Firstblade Maluk entered into the vast, decorated room. Ahead of him, the Daemon rested, bound within it's great golden cage. It knelt, with it's head bowed, and it's hands resting lightly in front of it. Maluk approached the demon soundlessly. The great creature's face lit up with a slow smile.

 

"Firstblade."

 

Maluk merely grunted in response. The Daemon rose to it's feet, slowly. Leaning it's hands on the broad bars of the cage, the beast leaned down so it's face was level with the Firstblade's.

 

"You come bringing tribute to the Gods?"

 

"I come seeking knowledge," Maluk growled. "Tell me truly - are the Gods responsible for the blight spreading throughout my men?" The daemon laughed aloud, and Maluk's hand moved to the hilt of his sword reflexively. The Daemon put it's head on one side, as though listening to a voice Maluk could not hear. Eventually it spoke.

 

"Greater piety can only bring you good things, little Firstblade. The Gods themselves demand more praise. More sacrifices." The Daemon gripped the bars of the cage and laughed it's booming laugh again. Maluk looked at it with contempt and hatred.

 

"Perhaps I should offer the prisoners we took to the Gods directly, and leave you to rot here." The daemon leaned down, it's exp​ression suddenly serious.

 

"Perhaps. But then perhaps this humble messenger would have to find other sacrifices to his Gods." It said, staring at Maluk with such an intensity that Maluk stepped back without thinking. Not for the first time, the Firstblade was glad of the thick bars on the golden cage.

 

And the end bit has gone missing from my notepad document. Odd. I'll retype the ending later, and you can see how stupidly large the whole thing is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:wallbash:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

EDIT: I hate having nothing at the end after the sidebar.

 

I also hate typos.

Edited January 6, 2011 by Ace Debonair

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

It can be cut down, easily. You don't need all the details, just convey the 'feeling' of the entire exchange in a couple of paragraphs.

 

Once you get the last bit up I might take a look and see if I can edit it a bit for you if you'd like. That is, if I'm not asleep before you do retype the last bit. :wallbash:

 

Time zones can be one hell of a detriment to a hobby. :pinch:

[Ace Debonair]

It can be cut down, easily. You don't need all the details, just convey the 'feeling' of the entire exchange in a couple of paragraphs.

 

Once you get the last bit up I might take a look and see if I can edit it a bit for you if you'd like. That is, if I'm not asleep before you do retype the last bit. :)

 

Time zones can be one hell of a detriment to a hobby. ;)

The ending, summarized:

 

Maluk makes a comment that indicates further his cautious contempt of daemon.

Daemon laughs as Maluk walks off dramatically, cape billowing until he walks past and it sweeps over the camera so we can cut to the next scene.

 

If you want to turn all that into something that might actually fit in the article, then feel free. :)

[Ecritter]

Ace, if I had more experience in ITs I'd give a C&C a go ... but sadly I fear I'd be doing you a disservice now. I do see you have alot of experienced help, and I'm here hoping you the best.

[Ace Debonair]

Ace, if I had more experience in ITs I'd give a C&C a go ... but sadly I fear I'd be doing you a disservice now. I do see you have alot of experienced help, and I'm here hoping you the best.

 

Cheers buddy. :)

 

If you do spot anything out of place, though, feel free topoint it out.

The more people picking this IT apart, the better it'll look once fixed up.

 

EDIT: That does it. I'm personally declaring a crusade against the abundance of typos I make.

Edited January 6, 2011 by Ace Debonair

[Ecritter]

One question I have is on the origins of the warband.

 

It is hard to say for certain where they came from, whether the Rift Lords are a fallen Space Marine chapter, or a fragment from one of the original Legions. Even amongst the Warband itself, the truth is not widely known - indeed such discussions are considered pointless, as the geneseed in it's original form was intended only as a tool of the False Emperor.

 

Much of the early history of the warband is lost, even to them - though by chance or design is hard to say. Few of the original warband remain alive, and they keep their pasts to themselves.

 

Created in the Sixth Founding from the gene-seed of Jaghatai Khan, the Chapter that would come to be known as the Stonebound was assigned to the Segmentum Pacificus to combat the threat of increasingly numerous Ork incursions.

 

So here's my problem, for 1500 years or more (based on the Stonebound founding) the Rifts Lords operated in an area of space not known for warp storms (well none that I can find on the maps), then went to hide in the warp.

 

How exactly did any of the original members, if they were a part of a fallen legion, survive that long? I know the warp affects time … but they weren't in it at the time.

 

EDIT: I never read the 3 pages of discussion, so this may have been answered already ... if so I appologize.

Edited January 6, 2011 by Ecritter

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

*Dramatic thingy*

"Firstblade."

Maluk glared warily at the daemon in it's guilded cage, nothing was ever as it seemed here.

"Are the gods responsible for the blight?"

The daemon laughed aloud, and Maluk's hand moved to the hilt of his sword reflexively. The Daemon put it's head on one side, as though listening to a voice Maluk could not hear. Eventually it spoke.

"The Gods demand more! more sacrifice! Your impiety grants you no favours here warrior."

"Perhaps I should offer the prisoners we took to the Gods directly, and leave you to rot here." The daemon leaned down, it's exp​ression suddenly serious.

"Perhaps. But then perhaps this humble messenger would have to find other sacrifices to his Gods." It said, staring at Maluk with such an intensity that Maluk stepped back without thinking. Not for the first time, the Firstblade was glad of the thick bars on the golden cage.

Taking a second, surer step back maluk spat contemptuously before the daemons feet before turning and marching from the room, the Daemon's gaze following him with every step, a smile creeping slowly back across it's face as Maluk retreated.

"Mighty warrior, oh how you follow the trail..."

I admit it's a bit of a hasty rush job but it might be a little smaller and easier to fit?


*Edit*

Maybe not. However, it doesn't have the added end bit that you summarized, so perhaps I'm not doing so badly. :D

I also think the start is a bit weak, but I banged that out in about a minute so give it all due concern, the kind of concern you give to your student who has just turned in his term paper within the last five minutes of the deadline having obviously just written the whole thing right then. :P Edited January 6, 2011 by Grey Hunter Ydalir

[Ace Debonair]

So here's my problem, for 1500 years or more (based on the Stonebound founding) the Rifts Lords operated in an area of space not known for warp storms (well none that I can find on the maps), then went to hide in the warp.

 

How exactly did any of the original members, if they were a part of a fallen legion, survive that long? I know the warp affects time … but they weren't in it at the time.

 

EDIT: I never read the 3 pages of discussion, so this may have been answered already ... if so I appologize.

 

Hmm. One moment...

*BOUT OF EXPLOSIVE CURSING REMOVED BY THE INQUISITION*

I hadn't even thought of that. :P

 

Good catch. This will require some thinking.

 

Most obvious solution is to have the Rift Lords move into the Segmentum from the EoT, right?

Although then I'll have to come up why there where there, why they were leaving... all sorts of stuff.

 

That in and of itself is not a problem, but I don't want to fall into the inflated-origins trap.

Although, on balance, I might be able to afford a paragraph or two more at the beginning.

 

This idea is most certainly open to discussion, though. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear 'em.

 

However, it doesn't have the added end bit that you summarized, so perhaps I'm not doing so badly.

 

I also think the start is a bit weak, but I banged that out in about a minute so give it all due concern, the kind of concern you give to your student who has just turned in his term paper within the last five minutes of the deadline having obviously just written the whole thing right then. :P

It's not bad, although I can see some things I'd change. ^_^

Given that my sidebar was run together in approximately forty minutes, I see your point about rushing it. :lol:

[Ecritter]

Hmm. One moment...

*BOUT OF EXPLOSIVE CURSING REMOVED BY THE INQUISITION*

I hadn't even thought of that. :huh:

 

Good catch. This will require some thinking.

 

Most obvious solution is to have the Rift Lords move into the Segmentum from the EoT, right?

Although then I'll have to come up why there where there, why they were leaving... all sorts of stuff.

 

That in and of itself is not a problem, but I don't want to fall into the inflated-origins trap.

Although, on balance, I might be able to afford a paragraph or two more at the beginning.

 

This idea is most certainly open to discussion, though. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear 'em.

 

Sorry, but you did ask. :(

 

The way I see it you have 3 easy options.

 

1. Move them closer to EoT for early history. This is the one you hinted at.

 

2. Remove any mention of fallen legion. I don't like this one. You don't really connect them to the Black Legion, but you do put it as possible and I like the idea.

 

3. This is the one I prefer. Have them mysteriously appear a few decades earlier in the sector you originally talk about in the origin section. You don't really have to mention where they were before that, and it still ties in with everything else.

 

I hope that helps.

[Ace Debonair]

Sorry, but you did ask. :lol:

 

I'm just annoyed I didn't spot that myself, is all. :P

 

The way I see it you have 3 easy options.

 

1. Move them closer to EoT for early history. This is the one you hinted at.

 

2. Remove any mention of fallen legion. I don't like this one. You don't really connect them to the Black Legion, but you do put it as possible and I like the idea.

 

3. This is the one I prefer. Have them mysteriously appear a few decades earlier in the sector you originally talk about in the origin section. You don't really have to mention where they were before that, and it still ties in with everything else.

 

I hope that helps.

 

If I can avoid option 2, then I will do so.

I'm inclining towards option 1, all things considered.

 

There's enough vagueness in the IT already, concerning the geneseed and similar - I don't know if making the Rift Lords just suddenly appear as if by magic isn't a step too far. :D

[Octavulg]

For although the Red Sabres were utterly destroyed in the battle, reinforcements from the chapter known as the Stonebound were detected a short way from the planet at the battle's conclusion. Imperial records state that the Stonebound were able to engage the warband in open combat, killing many and driving the few weary survivors of the traitor forces from the planet. The truth is that once the Stonebound arrived, Maluk quickly ordered a retreat, unsure of how many Astartes were arriving to avenge the fallen chapter. Leaving a hundred of the least experienced as a decoy to occupy the attention of the vengeful Stonebound, Maluk and his forces were able to slip away, boarding their ships and abandoning the planet. The gambit almost succeeded, but for the watchful eyes of the Stonebound, who were quick to pursue the escaping traitor forces.

 

Don't bother explaining what supposedly happened. Not worth the effort. Might be worth explaining why the Stonebound were there.

 

Masquerading as a loyalist force, the surviving Rift Lords traversed a great expanse of space, avoiding naval patrols and contact with enemy forces where possible. Eventually, after many years, the Rift Lords found themselves in the Segmentum Ultima, north of the Dominion of Storms. Constant evasion of Imperial forces had left the surviving Rift Lords haggard and weary. Seeking desperately to find a permanent shelter, they travelled haphazardly from system to system. It was on one small, isolated planet that Keja had a revelation. He said the Gods had spoken to him, telling of a place called the Shroud Stars, a place touched by the warp, where those unfavoured by Chaos could not hope to survive. Although reluctant to take Keja at his word, Maluk had no other option, and so it was that the Rift Lords navigated their way towards the Shroud cautiously, feeling the ever-present threat of the Imperium's wrath closing in on them.

 

Don't worry about this bit - just have them go to the Shroud Stars from the outset. No need for them to hide out first.

 

It was a perilous voyage, including several near-misses with Imperial forces, but the Rift Lords eventually arrived at the Shroud Stars. What they found there staggered their minds. The Shroud Stars were a number of barren planets and suns blanketed with harsh, unpredictable warp storms - throughout it's length and breadth were the ruins of vessels - Imperial and Xeno - both from recent times and some dating back to perhaps before the great crusade. Even as they traversed the Shroud, the Rift Lords saw ancient,badly damaged ships being drawn through vast, focused funnels of warp energy. Those that were caught in these warp-vortexes were banished to the furthest reaches of space - although later the Warband would learn they also functioned to bring in new ships, launching them at deadly speed into the warp storms and drifting hulks. Navigating through the Shroud required all of the guile and skill of the Rift Lords, but they knew instinctively that here was a place where the Imperium would not easily reach them. At the centre of the warp storms sat a great space hulk, desolate and empty. The Rift Lords boarded it and swept through the vast, abandoned forgeship with the practiced ease common to Astartes. In the heart ofthe ship they found a vast, decorated altar room, covered from floor to ceiling in runic writing detailing the glories of the Chaos Gods and promising great power to those who glorify them with all their heart and soul.

 

They're servants of Chaos. Surely a stellar wasteland isn't going to blow their minds that much...

 

* * *

 

Very nice, Ace. But if you don't learn to spell "its", I will hurt you.

 

Any aspects you're having difficulty with?

[Ace Debonair]

Don't bother explaining what supposedly happened. Not worth the effort. Might be worth explaining why the Stonebound were there.

Ah. Didn't I do that already?

Methinks you've found a casualty of the 'editing stuff out' programme.

 

Don't worry about this bit - just have them go to the Shroud Stars from the outset. No need for them to hide out first.

 

Too much detail, not enough broad strokes. Got it.

 

They're servants of Chaos. Surely a stellar wasteland isn't going to blow their minds that much...

 

You're probably right. Again.

I'll find another way of leading into the description of the Shroud, then.

 

Very nice, Ace. But if you don't learn to spell "its", I will hurt you.

 

Any aspects you're having difficulty with?

 

Learning where not to use the apostrophe with the word 'its'. :lol:

 

In all seriousness, my biggest concern is that ruling a really neat place like the Shroud Stars and technically operating all over the galaxy might seem to powerful for a DIY warband.

Does it seem workable?

 

EDIT:

Updated to (hopefully) accomodate the latest C&C.

Apart from the 'its'.

Edited May 24, 2011 by Ace Debonair

[Octavulg]

In all seriousness, my biggest concern is that ruling a really neat place like the Shroud Stars and technically operating all over the galaxy might seem to powerful for a DIY warband.

 

Does it seem workable?I dunno. I was OK with it, though if they got much bigger that would probably push it. Making their operations a little less extensive might not hurt. Ditto shrinking the size of the warband - I'm under the impression most warbands are a lot smaller than chapters. Beyond that, it worked OK.

[Brother Argent]

I always got the idea with the Rift Lords of the great manipulator. In my mind they are like the shonky salesmen or politicians of the astartes world. They themselves might not be the ones saking Hive Such and Such but they probably had a hand in getting it done. Thus I think erhaps a small shrink in size for the warband but, perhaps, playing on connections with other warbands, both in and out side the Shroud Stars might work.

 

Its for this reason I often find the sacking of the Red Sabres (I love that name) Fortress a little strange. It seems out of character for these guys in a way. It would be like the Alpha Legion sitting down and penning a Codex. Just doesn't seem right. Perhaps you have covered the reasons why properly but I'm too lazy to read over it now so :tu:

[Ace Debonair]

I dunno. I was OK with it, though if they got much bigger that would probably push it. Making their operations a little less extensive might not hurt. Ditto shrinking the size of the warband - I'm under the impression most warbands are a lot smaller than chapters. Beyond that, it worked OK.

 

Reduced the maximum theorized size to under a thousand.

The one-and-a-half-thousand thing was meant to be wildly off the mark, but I suppose it's better to rein it in a bit anyhow.

 

Its for this reason I often find the sacking of the Red Sabres (I love that name) Fortress a little strange. It seems out of character for these guys in a way. It would be like the Alpha Legion sitting down and penning a Codex. Just doesn't seem right. Perhaps you have covered the reasons why properly but I'm too lazy to read over it now so :D

Well, I've covered it. I dunno about covered it properly - that's for everyone else to decide. ;)

 

EDIT:

I also need quotes for the 'Revival' and 'The Gods Provide' sections, it occurs.

I think I used all my catchy quotes up working on stuff for Shinzaren, though, so I'm open to suggestions.

Edited May 25, 2011 by Ace Debonair