Chapter Outline: Sons of Aquosus

[Odin Ravenwing]

- Single Chaplain whom is also Chapter Master, Helm is the skull of the previous chapter master.

 

- Water world for Home planet, located deep in eastern fringe.

 

- Converted Rhinos into water crafts.

 

- No heavy armour (Predators, whirlwinds,landraiders etc.)

 

- Assault close combat specialists, Drop Pod assaults.

 

- Founded 17th founding, lost in transit founded again in 26th founding after chapter was found by passing imperium fleet.

 

- Recruiting is strike due to their time disconnected from the imperium, recruits are picked at birth and replace fallen marines if the gene-seed is retrieved. It has been noted that some recruites never become marines but end up serving as a form of a close combat based militia.

 

- Homeworlds population is a seafaring culture, other natural inhabitants are a evolved lizard-men race which enslave a portion of the humans on the planet in well hidden caverns the Chapter has not been able to locate. Lizard-men are dominated by a dwindling race of dragon like creatures known as Sea Drakes to the local population. (Also the original name of the Chapter)

 

- Chapter is organized into 5 companies with roughly 100 marines each.

 

- Converted landspeeders to operate on deep water masses.

 

-Chapter colors are a sea blue, however due to a strange content in the water prolonged exposure in the water causes the paint to bleach itself. Most armors fade into a teal bleached look.

 

- Salamanders gene-seed and training cadre.

 

- Chapter was lost for prolonged period of time forced to survive on what they had. ((Added to explain reasoning behind several above key points))

 

I hope thats all the key points let me know if I am missing one. Let me know what you all think. Stopping at my local store tonight to pick up a few units to start painting and converting. Hoping for enough feedback before hand.

[Ecritter]

- Single Chaplain whom is also Chapter Master, Helm is the skull of the previous chapter master.

 

Chaplain as Chapter Master ... why? How did it happen and why does it continue?

 

- Founded 17th founding, lost in transit founded again in 26th founding after chapter was found by passing imperium fleet.

 

You lost me here, please explain. 2 foundings?

 

- Recruiting is strike due to their time disconnected from the imperium, recruits are picked at birth and replace fallen marines if the gene-seed is retrieved. It has been noted that some recruites never become marines but end up serving as a form of a close combat based militia.

 

Makes for substandard marines.

 

- Chapter is organized into 5 companies with roughly 100 marines each.

 

Why?

 

*****************************

 

I've seen the sea world theme tried a few times, never seen one turn out well. It has possibilities, but is hard to work with. I wish you the best.

 

EDIT: I forgot to mention the one big drawback on making your marines dependent on water combat .... you will almost never be able to fight on most worlds. Water based transports are limited ... and Marines aren't supposed to be limited.

[Odin Ravenwing]

- Single Chaplain whom is also Chapter Master, Helm is the skull of the previous chapter master.

 

Chaplain as Chapter Master ... why? How did it happen and why does it continue?

 

- Founded 17th founding, lost in transit founded again in 26th founding after chapter was found by passing imperium fleet.

 

You lost me here, please explain. 2 foundings?

 

- Recruiting is strike due to their time disconnected from the imperium, recruits are picked at birth and replace fallen marines if the gene-seed is retrieved. It has been noted that some recruites never become marines but end up serving as a form of a close combat based militia.

 

Makes for substandard marines.

 

- Chapter is organized into 5 companies with roughly 100 marines each.

 

Why?

 

*****************************

 

I've seen the sea world theme tried a few times, never seen one turn out well. It has possibilities, but is hard to work with. I wish you the best.

 

 

 

I was going to leave most of the who,how,when,what where for the first real draft but I will go ahead and answer the questions brought up.

 

1.) Chaplain Chapter Master, this is due to in the early days of the chapter being on their home planet the primary officers were killed in battle. Chaplain steped up to lead and has stuck sense.

 

2. ) 2 foundings, this was probably my wording, the chapter was formed in the 17th founding and set off to a planet designated for them, unfortunatly they never made it, followed by the loss of any records related to them. Later during the 26th founding the chapter was located and dawned into official records then.

 

3.) This was due to the lack of geneseed supply, with them being reconnected to imperium i havew this up to change.

 

4.) once again due to the lack of geneseed supply. however, after resupply the chapter decided to hold at the 5 companies purely for tradition.

[Odin Ravenwing]

To comment on the fact they are at a bit of a drawback, this is on purpose. I want to start them off this way so as I model and paint them followed by use on the table top they would evolve so to speak and grow probably beyond their five companies and begin to use tanks.

[Quozzo]

500 marines at maximum strengths is far too low, there must be an excellent recruitment rate in order to fill the demand when the chapter receives inevitable battle losses, or their standards are too low.

[Odin Ravenwing]

500 marines at maximum strengths is far too low, there must be an excellent recruitment rate in order to fill the demand when the chapter receives inevitable battle losses, or their standards are too low.

 

 

Well they had to work with what they had sense the 17th founding due to being cut off from the rest of the imperium. Their major enemy being a local lizard-men race and giant sea serpents rangeing from dreadnaught to titan in size.

[Reyner]

500 marines at maximum strengths is far too low, there must be an excellent recruitment rate in order to fill the demand when the chapter receives inevitable battle losses, or their standards are too low.

 

 

Well they had to work with what they had sense the 17th founding due to being cut off from the rest of the imperium. Their major enemy being a local lizard-men race and giant sea serpents rangeing from dreadnaught to titan in size.

Would they have needed the rest of the Imperium to culture geneseed? Or was there a disaster which lost them most of their stockpile?

[Odin Ravenwing]

@ Reyner = The answer to that is disaster, most of their stockpile was destroyed when the ship carrying it was destroyed of unknown internal causes.

[Reyner]

Fair enough then, sorry if I missed that in your original post. Any thoughts on how the Sons get cut off? The exploding ship caused a chain reaction in their fleet resulting in most of the fleet being destroyed?

[Odin Ravenwing]

Fair enough then, sorry if I missed that in your original post. Any thoughts on how the Sons get cut off? The exploding ship caused a chain reaction in their fleet resulting in most of the fleet being destroyed?

The chain reaction yes, several other ships were damaged/destroyed in the same instance. In terms of cut off been debating about it.

 

I didn't want to seem lazy and say warp storm or even lazyer by generalizing they are way out in the eastern fringe.

[Reyner]

That sounds alright, just need to explain how the malfunction (if that's what it really was) destroyed the ship in the first place. Could claim sabotage then an enemy fleet appears and pounds the marines fleet?

[Odin Ravenwing]

Possibly. right now I'm just trying to get feedback on the general outline of them before I starting putting some minatures together and before I start posting drafts.

[Shinzaren]

-Single Chaplain whom is also Chapter Master, Helm is the skull of the previous chapter master.

Why? The human skull idea is cool, though the guy must have had a MASSIVE head. But why have a Reclusiarch or Master of Sanctity(High Chaplain), be the Chapter Master? Why wouldn't a Captain be promoted? What is the justification for this big leap from the norm?

 

- Water world for Home planet, located deep in eastern fringe.

Water worlds are very difficult, and making a chapter around one is even more so. Water worlds are a TINY part of the Marine's theater of combat, smaller than nearly any other I believe. Specializing in this doesn't seem like a sensible for the Adeptus Astartes.

 

- Converted Rhinos into water crafts.

Hovercraft style? Why? Again, converting them to be water only is kind of silly, since they will be required to fight on land far more than they will on water. This links up with the point above.

 

- No heavy armour (Predators, whirlwinds,landraiders etc.)

Why not? In C:SW, they talk about underwater assaults using Land Raiders. Seems like a good thing for a water only chapter. More important than converted Rhinos anyway. At least to me. Why no armor?

 

- Founded 17th founding, lost in transit founded again in 26th founding after chapter was found by passing imperium fleet.

You should explain how this happened? Did it pass instantly for the Sons of Aquosus? Were they lost in the warp the whole time? Did their planet disappear only to reapper later? It happens. You might want to explain how the time difference is seen by each side, so you can establish things like surviving alone with no gene-seed, what they did during this time, etc etc.

 

- Recruiting is strike due to their time disconnected from the imperium, recruits are picked at birth and replace fallen marines if the gene-seed is retrieved. It has been noted that some recruites never become marines but end up serving as a form of a close combat based militia.

Part in bold doesn't make sense to me. Recruiting is strike? Should it stark? I don't know what you are saying. What do your recruits do from age 1-10? Train? Why would recruits not be inducted as marines? They would want as many marines as possible to build up lost numbers. Fielding good recruits as wanna-be marines seems both pointless and wasteful. Serfs that reject organs/fail the tests would be fine, but they would be mind wiped and stuff first.

 

- Homeworlds population is a seafaring culture, other natural inhabitants are a evolved lizard-men race which enslave a portion of the humans on the planet in well hidden caverns the Chapter has not been able to locate. Lizard-men are dominated by a dwindling race of dragon like creatures known as Sea Drakes to the local population. (Also the original name of the Chapter)

Why wouldn't the Chapter eradicate the lizard men? Get some practice fighting as marines and protect the people at the same time. Why are the Sea Drakes important? Will you be fighting them? Are they a myth? Why are they dwindling? Why mention them?

 

- Chapter is organized into 5 companies with roughly 100 marines each.

Why so few? You have barely half a codex chapter's strength, which, coupled with your small recruitment rate, means you may never recover from any extended campaign. When you are isolated, this makes sense. Having reestablished contact with the Imperium, you could start to rebuild. 500 is too small at this point.

 

- Converted landspeeders to operate on deep water masses

.

Why? Again, most of the fighting will be done on land. Secondly, Land Speeder tech is delicate and misunderstood. How did you marines convert them? Third, would they even need to be converted? Anti-grav technology would most likely work over water already. Not sure, but I don't think this is necessary. If it is necessary, does it make sense?

 

-Chapter colors are a sea blue, however due to a strange content in the water prolonged exposure in the water causes the paint to bleach itself. Most armors fade into a teal bleached look.

Why are they spending so much time in water? Marines are required to fight in every environment known to man. Water, again, being only a small part of this.

 

- Chapter was lost for prolonged period of time forced to survive on what they had. ((Added to explain reasoning behind several above key points))

Where were they lost? How were they lost? Did they perceive the time to be the same as the rest of the Imperium? When they were rediscovered, why didn't start working with the Imperium to build their strength? Was it just the chapter that was lost in the warp? Or was the planet lost too? Isolated by warp storms perhaps? Why?

 

Cool idea, possibly, but also a very hard one to justify. As I stated a couple of times, water centric chapters don't make a great deal of sense, and need to be explained VERY well for the reader to buy it. I think you are trying to get across that your chapter AND your planet were lost in the warp, thus requiring all this focus on water.

 

However, in the time between their loss and their rediscovery, I feel like they would have crushed the lizard-men and pacified the planet, if for no other reason than to keep busy. You've got a 7,000 year gap in your chapter's history, in which they only fought on this water planet. In 7,000 years, they would either own that planet completely, or they would be destroyed. Marines are efficient enough that 500 marines would scour all life from the water world long before that 7,000 years is up. Having them fight the same enemy for this long makes both you, and your enemy seem ineffectual. Unlike the Imperium as a whole, there just aren't that many places for your enemy to hide. Eventually one side would destroy the other.

 

Still, a unique idea to say the least, and hopefully one you can build on. Just don't take the water world theme too far. Good luck.

 

EDIT: Just saw the explanation about the exploding ship containing munitions and gene-seed. Still doesn't explain why they were lost though.

[Odin Ravenwing]

@Shinzaren = From reading others post you always have the best questions and feedback. I couldn't possibly answer all those questions at the current moment. However, later this evening when I arrive home I shall post the first draft of the chapter for all to read over and give further input with the added details throwen in.

[Ecritter]

@Shinzaren = From reading others post you always have the best questions and feedback. I couldn't possibly answer all those questions at the current moment. However, later this evening when I arrive home I shall post the first draft of the chapter for all to read over and give further input with the added details throwen in.

 

Hold on a minute ... he asked the same questions I did! :)

[Odin Ravenwing]

@Shinzaren = From reading others post you always have the best questions and feedback. I couldn't possibly answer all those questions at the current moment. However, later this evening when I arrive home I shall post the first draft of the chapter for all to read over and give further input with the added details throwen in.

 

Hold on a minute ... he asked the same questions I did! :tu:

 

There were several other questions that he asked for more detail on or had slightly different follow up questions. But yes for the most part he did ask the same questions Ecritter. But at this point it will be easyer for me to just post the acctual fluffed draft as apposed to answering the questions.

[Ecritter]

I feel sated now, on with the IA writing. :tu:

[Shinzaren]

@Shinzaren = From reading others post you always have the best questions and feedback. I couldn't possibly answer all those questions at the current moment. However, later this evening when I arrive home I shall post the first draft of the chapter for all to read over and give further input with the added details throwen in.

 

Hold on a minute ... he asked the same questions I did! :huh:

 

Yeah, but I'm much more handsome :D Not to mention I smell better :P Modest too...

[Ecritter]

Remember, with age comes wisdom .... so I'm verrrry wise.