IA: Falcon Guard v2

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

Hi guys, following some extensive feedback from Octavulg I would like to present to you the second version of my IA for the Falcon Guard. I decided to put this up as version 2 because I have changed the geneseed lineage entirely and would love some feedback on the new direction. Comments and crits very much appreciated.

 

IA Falcon Guard

Chapter Symbol & Colour Scheme:

 

http://c.imagehost.org/0374/FG.pnghttp://b.imagehost.org/t/0143/004.jpghttp://d.imagehost.org/t/0358/FG1.jpg

 

Origins:

Following the Shi'aran Insurrection, a prolonged phase of assaults into Imperial space by raiders from the Kabal of the Bloodied Fist on the easternmost reaches of the Segmentum Obscuris it was deemed essential that this sector be re-secured in the name of the Imperium. A crusade was planned to reclaim the Eastern Fringes and to force the vile xenos back from Imperial space, in order to ensure the success of this campaign and the ongoing security of the sector a new chapter of space marines, the Falcon Guard was founded.

 

The task of building and training the Falcon Guard was bestowed upon Captain Haliastur of the Hawk Lords 8th Company and his company veterans. Under their tutelage the Falcon Guard have created a highly adaptive tactica which allows them to rapidly close with their enemies and deliver the Emperor’s fury up close and personal. Since his appointment as Chapter Master, Haliastur has been a subtle but powerful influence upon the Falcon Guard, pushing them to constantly better themselves before the eyes of the Emperor.

 

Their watchful eye and rapid responses have meant that many of the Dark Eldar raiding parties have been curtailed, though with their mimic engines and holo-tech it has been virtually impossible to totally stem the tide.

 

 

Homeworld:

Aesalon Primus is a desolate, sparsely populated world covered by vast snow-capped mountain ranges which pierce the sky like black daggers; it is home to a tribal culture which yields some of the fiercest warriors in the imperium of man.

 

The apex predator of the Aesalon Primus ecosystem is the Aesalonian Falcon, a gigantic raptor with a wingspan measuring up to six metres. It lives at the peaks of the highest mountains, far above the reach of even the hardiest climbers and preys upon other birds and land mammals. The Falcon is so large it has been known to catch grown men in its talons and is revered by the Clans of Aesalon Primus as a vengeful god which will strike down the weak.

 

The civilization of Aesalon Primus is at a primitive stage of technological development, lacking any form of black powder technology instead relying upon crudely forged blades and arrows to wage savage Clan wars. The rugged and hostile environment ensures that the warrior caste is at the forefront of all aspects of life, being the leaders of all the clans across the continents.

 

Their religions state that on the judgment day, the lords of the falcons will descend from the stars on wings of fire to select the most powerful warriors from the Clans who join him in ascent to nirvana. Their belief is that the falcon god watches them in battle and they should emulate him in their approach to war. Striking hard and fast, lightning raids are a fundamental stratagem for the Clans of Aesalon Primus and any warrior tribe not constantly prepared for war will not survive long in this harsh environment.

 

Little do the Clans know the truth of their primitive superstition; for the Warriors of the Falcon do watch from above. The mountain fortress and starport of the Falcon guard, know as ‘The Aerie’ is situated atop the highest mountain range of Aesalon Primus. It is from this lofty perch that the Falcon Guard descend and claim the strongest fighters to initiate into the chapter, leaving no witness to their arrival so as not to taint the culture which yields their recruits.

 

Combat Doctrine:

The Falcon Guard specialize in airborne assaults deployed from Thunderhawk Gunships. The brother marines that fight for the chapter are all extensively trained in the use of jump packs and the chapter uses Land Speeders to provide heavy support, relying on their covering fire to allow the assault squads to close on their objectives, prioritising speed over firepower.

 

The chapter was sanctioned as a line breaking assault force, whereas the Raven Guard are known for their stealth and operating guerilla campaigns deep behind enemy lines, the Falcon Guard are deployed at the front line meeting the Imperium’s enemies toe-to-toe, utilizing their expertise to outmaneuver and outflank their foes seizing critical objectives and striking at their weak points with blade and bolt.

 

Known for their devastating airborne assaults and their ferocity in combat. The Falcon Guards primary function it to launch unsupported aerial strikes, assault their foes at their weakest points and regroup to strike again. By striking strategic assets and command structures their aim is to destroy their opponent’s means and resolve to fight. The Falcon Guard have a long history of conflict with the twisted Kabals of the Dark Eldar which has only served to reinforce their expertise in rapid assaults.

 

 

Organisation:

The organisation of the Falcon Guard is not structurally divergent from that laid down in the Codex Astartes; the Chapter is divided into ten battle companies, each numbering a hundred brother marines strong. Where the Falcon Guard organisation shows significant difference is the unusually high concentration of assault companies and their lack of heavy support by comparison to Codex adherent chapters.

 

The adoption of heavy weaponry and mechanised assaults does not go easily with the deeply ingrained desire to emulate the Falcon in the art of war. For the battle brothers of the Falcon Guard it is actually considered a dishonour to fight with such weapons. Whilst the Falcon guard do keep caches of heavy weaponry, their use is extremely rare and in many cases the chapter armories have exchanged them with mechanicus forgeworlds in order to better equip the chapter with jump packs and land speeders.

 

The Falcon Guard's first company are mighty warriors, veterans of countless campaigns and are granted the honour of bearing the chapter’s most valued suits of power armour. These are ancient and intricately wrought suits manufactured by the artificers of Mars. To the warriors of the Falcon Guard these Power Armour suits are revered as highly as the Tactical Dreadnought Armour worn by the Veteran companies of most Space Marine chapters. It is from these elite warriors that the Chapter’s leadership is drawn and it is they who are often found where the fighting is thickest, winning great honour for the glory of the Falcon Guard.

 

 

Beliefs:

Upon their selection initiates of the Falcon Guard believe themselves the chosen of the Falcon God and to an extent that belief is never completely purged. As part of their rehabilitation the initiates are taught that the Falcon God whom they had revered was actually a façade the Emperor uses to shield their minds from his true glory. Now they have ascended with the warriors of the gods the Emperor can reveal his true form to them.

 

The amalgamation of their intrinsic tribal belief structure with Imperial dogma and devotion to the Emperor makes the Falcon Guard extremely dedicated in their service to the Imperium. The Falcon Guard believe that the Emperor watches them at all times, and that those who emulate the Falcon and honour the ideals of the warrior will be chosen for the final ascension and the ultimate battle at the Emperor’s side.

 

 

Geneseed:

The Falcon Guard are descended from the gene-seed of the Hawk Lords, whilst little is known about its origins it shows no significant mutations and as such is deemed to come from a robust gene lineage, suspected to be either the Ultramarines or Imperial Fists.

 

 

Battlecry:

'Death From Above'!

[Hrvat]

Hello

 

Before I continue I just put my opinion that the colour of the heading should be bit less painful to look at. ;)

 

 

Origins:

I can imagine that the reason you used Dark Eldar as the cause for the founding of the Falcon Guard is the new Codex there is a problem in that. Unless it has been retconed in the latest Codex it has been stated that DE are just a nusicance rather than a threat and it would be highly unlikelly that they were the reason for creation of a SM chapter. If you want DE to be part of the cause better have some other threat as your main opponent, with DE just hampering production and suplies with their antics.

 

The Hawk Lord part is ok though what you are describing is basically what Codex Astartes tells you to do.

 

 

Homeworld:

Nice and informative. But what exatly does this section tell us about your chapter?

 

 

Combat Doctrine:

So they are a codex chapter with a thing for aerial assault. I would personally expand on the jump pack/speeder theme. How that effects the Chapter when they have to fight outside their comfort zone and so forth.

 

 

Organisation:

The first and third paragraphs are ok but the second one is a blend of beliefs and combat doctrine. I would advise breaking it and developing the themese found in it in their separate sections.

 

 

Beliefs:

You could expand this a bit with what I have said above.

 

 

Geneseed:

I am not sure but I think IA 8 menations Hawk Lords as Raven Guard descendants.

 

 

Battlecry:

I like it.

 

 

I also like your colour scheme.

 

 

Overall a solid second draft. It is easy to envision what you want your chapter to be and that is good. Now you just have to maintain focus and expand upon what you have writen.

 

 

Cheers

 

Hrvat

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

Hey Hrvat, thanks very much for the input, much appreciated.

 

Before I continue I just put my opinion that the colour of the heading should be bit less painful to look at. ;)

Fair comment, I did the headers on a computer which must have darker monitor settings, at home it's pretty lurid! Changed!

 

I can imagine that the reason you used Dark Eldar ... is the new Codex

In honesty I planned this chapter long before the new DE range was announced. The aim was to have a running conflict with an opponent which matches the Falcon Guard's style of combat, fast and airborne. The codex launch was a happy coincidence.

 

DE are just a nusicance rather than a threat.

Another good point, I should probably write in some other, larger threats to justify the crusade. Thinking cap on!

 

Homeworld: Nice and informative. But what exactly does this section tell us about your chapter?

Thanks! Primarily this section is aimed at exploring more about the culture and the environment the warriors are raised in, which (hopefully) helps the reader to better understand the beliefs and combat doctrine sections. It is quite long though, might give it a trim down.

 

Combat Doctrine: ... I would personally expand on the jump pack/speeder theme. How that effects the Chapter when they have to fight outside their comfort zone and so forth.

Will do!

 

Organisation: ... the second one is a blend of beliefs and combat doctrine.

I see what you mean, I'll try and split it into the relevant sections.

 

Geneseed: I am not sure but I think IA 8 menations Hawk Lords as Raven Guard descendants.

I really don't know and couldn't find any info to verify either way. Can anyone verify this?

 

Battlecry: I like it. I also like your colour scheme.

Cheers!! :D

[Ecritter]

Isn't death from above already somebody's motto (GW maybe)?

 

A gift. The Falcon Guard Chapter Symbol? What you have on the shoulder is actually the Chapter Badge.

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/Space%20Marines/ravenguard.png

[Shinzaren]

Following the Kaliban Insurrection, a prolonged phase of assaults into Imperial space by raiders from the Kabal of the Bloodied Fist on the easternmost reaches of the Segmentum Obscuris it was deemed essential that this sector be re-secured in the name of the Imperium.

Kaliban is a little too close to Caliban, former home planet of the Dark Angels. Perhaps make it the Kabalin Insurrection?

 

A crusade was planned to reclaim the Eastern Fringes and to force the vile xenos back from Imperial space, in order to ensure the success of this campaign and the ongoing security of the sector a new chapter of space marines, the Falcon Guard was founded.

Should end the sentence after space, and start a new one with, "In order..."

 

Their watchful eye and rapid responses have meant that many of the Dark Eldar raiding parties have been curtailed, though with their mimic engines and holo-tech it has been virtually impossible to totally stem the tide.

As previously mentioned the Dark Eldar aren't really something that would probably be considered a sector wide threat. Perhaps they would ravage a world or two. Maybe they are tricking and goading Orks onward, and the Orks are really threatening everything, but the Dark Eldar are the players behind the curtain?

 

Aesalon Primus is a desolate, sparsely populated world covered by vast snow-capped mountain ranges which pierce the sky like black daggers; it is home to a tribal culture which yields some of the fiercest warriors in the imperium of man.

If they were snow capped, they would pierce the sky like white daggers... End the sentence at daggers, and start a new one with, "It is.."

 

The apex predator of the Aesalon Primus ecosystem is the Aesalonian Falcon, a gigantic raptor with a wingspan measuring up to six metres. It lives at the peaks of the highest mountains, far above the reach of even the hardiest climbers and preys upon other birds and land mammals. The Falcon is so large it has been known to catch grown men in its talons and is revered by the Clans of Aesalon Primus as a vengeful god which will strike down the weak.

This Falcon idea sounds really similar to another IA I read... I can't put my finger on it though, so maybe I'm just confused.

 

Whilst the Falcon Guard cannot match the millenia of experience held by the 1st founding legions, they are renowned as being one of the Adeptus Astartes foremost chapters when undertaking airborne assaults, their extensive use of jump packs and land speeders means they are always at the very cutting edge of the Imperium’s spear tip.

This last part of the sentence seems unnecessary, as that is the job of all Astartes. The cutting edge of the spear is pretty much their thing.

 

The Falcon Guard specialize in airborne assaults deployed from Thunderhawk Gunships. The brother marines that fight for the chapter are all extensively trained in the use of jump packs and the chapter uses Land Speeders to provide heavy support, relying on their covering fire to allow the assault squads to close on their objectives, prioritising speed over firepower.

Combine this paragraph into the one above. Would work better I think, and make it easier to read. You're breaking up your paragraphs after only a sentence or two, which makes the whole thing longer than necessary.

 

The chapter was sanctioned as a line breaking assault force, whereas the Raven Guard are known for their stealth and operating guerilla campaigns deep behind enemy lines, the Falcon Guard are deployed at the front line meeting the Imperium’s enemies toe-to-toe, utilizing their expertise to outmaneuver and outflank their foes seizing critical objectives and striking at their weak points with blade and bolt.

Don't mention the Raven Guard, as it seems like you are just name dropping. The reader can understand your tactics well enough without the comparison.

 

Known for their devastating airborne assaults and their ferocity in combat. The Falcon Guards primary function it to launch unsupported aerial strikes, assault their foes at their weakest points and regroup to strike again. By striking strategic assets and command structures their aim is to destroy their opponent’s means and resolve to fight. The Falcon Guard have a long history of conflict with the twisted Kabals of the Dark Eldar which has only served to reinforce their expertise in rapid assaults.

This is basically a rehash of the three or four paragraphs above it, with a slight bit about Dark Eldar at the end.

 

The organisation of the Falcon Guard is not structurally divergent from that laid down in the Codex Astartes; the Chapter is divided into ten battle companies, each numbering a hundred brother marines strong. Where the Falcon Guard organisation shows significant difference is the unusually high concentration of assault companies and their lack of heavy support by comparison to Codex adherent chapters.

How do they deal with enemy armor?

 

The adoption of heavy weaponry and mechanised assaults does not go easily with the deeply ingrained desire to emulate the Falcon in the art of war. For the battle brothers of the Falcon Guard it is actually considered a dishonour to fight with such weapons. Whilst the Falcon guard do keep caches of heavy weaponry, their use is extremely rare and in many cases the chapter armories have exchanged them with mechanicus forgeworlds in order to better equip the chapter with jump packs and land speeders.

Again, how do they deal with enemy heavy armor?

 

The Falcon Guard's first company are mighty warriors, veterans of countless campaigns and are granted the honour of bearing the chapter’s most valued suits of power armour. These are ancient and intricately wrought suits manufactured by the artificers of Mars. To the warriors of the Falcon Guard these Power Armour suits are revered as highly as the Tactical Dreadnought Armour worn by the Veteran companies of most Space Marine chapters. It is from these elite warriors that the Chapter’s leadership is drawn and it is they who are often found where the fighting is thickest, winning great honour for the glory of the Falcon Guard.

So no TDA then? You have little to no heavy weapons, little to no heavy armor(tanks and what not), and little to no TDA. How do you deal with an entrenched foe, or one bringing heavy weapons and armor to bear against you?

 

The amalgamation of their intrinsic tribal belief structure with Imperial dogma and devotion to the Emperor makes the Falcon Guard extremely dedicated in their service to the Imperium. The Falcon Guard believe that the Emperor watches them at all times, and that those who emulate the Falcon and honour the ideals of the warrior will be chosen for the final ascension and the ultimate battle at the Emperor’s side.

Sounds vaguely valhallan-ish, and conjures images of Space Wolves, who seek to do battle at the All-Father's hand at the end of days. Not a problem mind you, just a coincidence I noticed.

 

The Falcon Guard are descended from the gene-seed of the Hawk Lords, whilst little is known about its origins it shows no significant mutations and as such is deemed to come from a robust gene lineage, suspected to be either the Ultramarines or Imperial Fists.

This statement tells me that you don't know your heritage, and the Hawk Lords don't know theirs. Just figure out who the Hawk Lords are, and go from there. You need to avoid paragraphs like this, because you are essentially writing Hawk Lords issues and problems in as well.

 

Overall, the Chapter is good, with a unique belief system, and a strong desire to fly. Aside from that though, I don't FEEL them. I don't have a good indication of what they are all about. I know how they combat their enemies, and I know how they see the Emperor, but I don't really get a sense of the Chapter's identity. Why do they get out of bed in the morning? Why do they do what they do? Why why why?

 

Looking forward to more on these guys, though I would second Ecritter's suggestion that you change your Chapter badge, since it is now just a rip from the Raven Guard.

[Ecritter]

Looking forward to more on these guys, though I would second Ecritter's suggestion that you change your Chapter badge, since it is now just a rip from the Raven Guard.

 

I wasn't suggesting you change the Chapter Badge you're using ... I like it. I was just pointing out that it is not the Chapter Symbol.

 

This is actually the Raven Guard Chapter Symbol for instance beside the Dark Angel and Salamander Chapter Symbols. Notice that they differ greatly from their Chapter Badges.

 

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_l5zkO5nXW8o/S1ZOpci29UI/AAAAAAAAAxg/Khxok9meuX4/s400/Raven%20Guard.pnghttp://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/thumb/8/89/Darkangelslogo.png/125px-Darkangelslogo.pnghttp://wh40k.lexicanum.com/mediawiki/images/thumb/b/bf/Salamanders.png/125px-Salamanders.png

 

If you don't like the shield you can use this one I made for you.

 

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c162/ecritter/Space%20Marines/falconguard.png

[Ekim_Trub]

Overall i really like this IA, and look forward to see it develpo further.

However, i am slightly puzzled as to where they are operating- is it Segmentum Obscurus or the Eastern Fringe? Or the Eastern Fringe of Segmentum Obscurus?

 

I also agree with changing their Badge to something more "falcon", i too made the mistake of using the RG one at first.

Now i planning on using the Raptors one, i would suggest that for ease.