Index Astartes: Iron Eagles

[HAL-9001]

A few words up-front: this is my first Index Astartes (and, actually, my first post here). I've been sitting on this IA and working on it for three months now, and it's reached a stage where I feel comfortable sharing it for commentary.

This chapter is based on a lot of ideas percolating through my head at the same time. 4chan's /tg/ board (Traditional Games) has created several DIY Space Marine chapters, my favorite of which is the Reasonable Marines. I liked the idea of breaking up the “grimdark” stuff with a reasonable faction. I've also had some ideas about what the lost legions might be like. This project is a combination of these.

Without further ado:

Index Astartes: Iron Eagles

“The Reasonable Marines”

The Iron Eagles are one of the most experienced and accomplished chapters of the Adeptus Astartes, and are strikingly out-of-place in a grim, dark future, trying to build a society where humanity can peacefully co-exist with other intelligent species. But they are only one chapter out of a thousand, only a few thousand standing against trillions of foes, and for everyone whom they convince to give tolerance a chance, there are millions more who remain close-minded. Humanity, the Eldar, and the Tau will have to stand together if they are to survive the coming millennia, but with the threats of the Necrons, the Tyranids, the Orks, and Chaos growing ever stronger, and the Astronomican fading as the Golden Throne begins to fail, the Iron Eagles are running out of time to forge a united front.

Origins

“Our task is clear: to make the galaxy a better place. To improve our technology, our society, and ourselves. To create a noble, bright future for all! ONWARD! AND UPWARD! MY IRON EAGLES!”

- Liber Aquilae Ferri (attributed to Second Primarch)

Symbol: Winged Arrow with Flame (usually on azure or ceramite)

Known only to the Iron Eagles and the highest echelons of the Imperium, the Iron Eagles are a First Founding chapter: Legion II of the Adeptus Astartes. The circumstances of the original Iron Eagles' destruction or loss are classified at the highest authority and may be lost to history altogether; however, it is known that, as the Iron Eagles brought worlds into the Imperium during the Great Crusade, they would leave behind a few Marines, an Imperial Army Regiment or two, and some support staff to serve as a provisional government to help the planet get off to a good start. By promising this assistance, and the technological and economic benefits that came with it, they were able to peacefully convert worlds that less diplomatic Legions would have leveled. By the same token, when they did have to crush an insurgency, they could quickly reorganize and rebuild a forcefully-conquered world with this scheme.

The Aprior system, deep in the Galactic East, had several planets that had been colonized, a relatively high degree of industrialization and an advanced, democratic government. It welcomed the Iron Eagles and readily accepted becoming part of the Imperium. The Iron Eagles decided that it would be a good base for a new Astartes Regiment, as the Apriori had been tempered by centuries of defending themselves against the dangers of the Eastern Fringe in near-total isolation from the Imperium. When the Iron Eagles left Aprior, the provisional government included enough equipment to found a new Regiment: the 13th Regiment, created to defend one of humanity's finest accomplishments through adversity.

After their founding, the 13th Regiment grew through time, linking up with the Iron Eagle detachments left on other nearby worlds in what would become the Aprior Sector, while isolated from the Imperium by the Warp storms common to their region of space. This isolation served to insulate the 13th Iron Eagles from whatever fate befell their parent Legion, and when they regained contact with the Imperium in M36, they found that they were the sole bearers of the name and legacy of the Second Legion.

Second Contact

“The only creature I've ever met with a more callous disregard for life than yours was a Dark Eldar Archon, and at least he had the courtesy not to proclaim his devotion to virtue while he murdered billions.”

- Chapter Master Jakob Morridus, shortly before executing Canoness Sarah Azaniel

Colors: Azure pauldrons on unpainted ceramite

Second contact with the Imperium did not go smoothly for the Aprior Sector. A fleet of the Adepta Sororitas was sent into the Eastern Fringe in the aftermath of the Reign of Blood, and the Warp storms calmed enough for them to enter the Aprior Sector; when they arrived, they were horrified at the deviations from Imperial norms that they saw, and resolved that the sector was beyond redemption and had to be put to the torch. Their ferocity shocked the Apriori, but the Sisters were too far afield to be reinforced and were dealing with foes who were literally defending their only home. The Sisters were quickly stopped on the world of Dvi-Marion: the Iron Eagles incapacitated the task force's orbital assets, and were thus able to force the trapped Sisters to surrender. The task force was then tried and convicted of crimes against humanity for the brutal tactics that they employed, and were offered a choice: use their expertise to help the Apriori, or be executed. Enough chose to join that the Iron Eagles were able to adapt their equipment and methods with a few “reasonable” changes to include women in their recruitment programs; though women could not receive implants, they could still be armored and trained. The isolation of the Aprior Sector meant that the Iron Eagles were able to keep a tight lid on the fate of the task force. The Ecclesiarchy came to believe the task force lost in the Warp, and the Iron Eagles had no reason to let them believe otherwise.

The Ordo Hereticus was more suspicious, and sent a team of investigators to the Aprior Sector to seek the cause of the disappearance of the task force, led by one Inquisitor Johannes Krieger. However, the team's frigate was swept up in a Warp storm; the Iron Eagles Second Battalion, First Company, Second Platoon happened to be patrolling the area, and made a dangerous Warp-rendezvous with the stricken vessel, teleported aboard, eliminated the daemonic infestation, and rescued Krieger and his retinue before the wreck was destroyed.

There was much consternation within the Iron Eagles and the entire Apriori leadership over what was to be done with Krieger. They feared that Krieger would prove to be an enemy, but had no good options for dealing with him: if the Inquisition heard that he, too, had been lost in a Warp storm, they would certainly send more investigators, and perhaps try to rouse other forces to escalate to the point of a crusade. On the other hand, if Krieger were allowed to live, he was certain to become suspicious of his rescuers, discover practices which had been deemed non-compliant in the five millennia since the Great Crusade, and rouse the Imperium, again leading to all-out war. The Apriori were confident that they would emerge victorious, but any war would be long and costly.

They were fortunate enough to be wrong about Krieger. He was an Inquisitor, but he was also a Recongretator, and was sympathetic to their drive for self-improvement, even if that meant rejecting dogma. Furthermore, he was eminently practical. He had witnessed first-hand the skill that the Iron Eagles had displayed in exterminating the daemonic infestation of his wrecked ship, and over the next few months, observed the Iron Eagles and the Aprior Sector, and decided that, while he did not agree with all of their practices, the Imperium was better off having them as allies than as enemies. He was later able to establish contact with other Recongregationist Inquisitors and like-minded Imperial officials and convince them of the same. However, he knew that most of the Imperium would not share his opinions, and would need to somehow be convinced that they were better off with the Iron Eagles around. To accomplish this, the Iron Eagles sent their First Battalion into the Imperium to conduct a sort of public-relations campaign: the First Battalion's Platoons travel through the galaxy in Strike Cruisers and Battle Barges to give aid as they see the need, leave the systems they assist better than when they arrived, and hopefully win over hearts and minds to their point of view.

Homeworld

“On the Fringe, there is a choice between cooperation or extinction, and before long, the whole galaxy will have to choose. We're just trying to make a case for cooperation.”

- Lieutenant Marcus Rallen, Second Battalion, First Company, Second Platoon

Other Worlds of the Aprior Subsector

Nyx went supernova eons ago; its only planet, Thanatos, is a dead, cold lump of rock containing a metal with potent anti-Warp properties. A Necron tomb was discovered in the process of mining Thanatos; it seems that their presence is related to the metal, though it is unclear which came first.

Romulus and Remus form a binary star system with a gas giant orbiting both stars, and a rocky world orbiting only Romulus.

Tarquin is similar to Aprior, with two planets in each others' Lagrange points.

On paper, the Iron Eagles control the other worlds in the Aprior Sector through their detachments. In reality, those worlds are largely self-governing, so long as they meet certain standards of economic viability and protection of the rights of citizens.

Rather than having a single homeworld, the Iron Eagles are based in a cluster of a few stars relatively close together: the Aprior Subsector, itself in the Aprior Sector, deep in the Eastern Fringe. The space around the Aprior Sector is plagued by fierce Warp storms caused by the Warp turbulence at the edge of the Astronomican's reach, though the Aprior Sector itself is defined by an oddly calm region within the storms; indeed, some Apriori scientists have hypothesized that the Aprior Sector is an “anti-Warp storm” in a normally turbulent region of space, though they cannot explain what would cause such a phenomenon.

The Aprior System proper has six planets orbiting it. Aprior Primus and Secundus are very close to Aprior and are used for mining and manufacturing; Tertius is in the habitable zone and houses the majority of the subsector's population; and Quartus, Quintius, and Sextus are gas giants, with moons used for manufacturing, military research and training.

Aprior Tertius is similar to Old Earth, although it is larger, with surface gravity almost twice that of Terra. Because it is home to most of the Aprior Subsector's population, and Aprior Subsector is, in turn, the most advanced and powerful in the Sector, Aprior Tertius is the de facto capital of the Sector and the primary base of the Iron Eagles. It is sometimes called Aprior Regius to set it apart from the other worlds. Regius is largely urbanized and industrialized, although the Regians have instituted environmental and social policies to prevent the pollution and decay normally associated with industrialized, highly populated worlds. One major feature of Regius is the Iron Eagles' headquarters, the Torch, buried within a mountain range. The Iron Eagles typically avoid ornamentation, but the Torch is the one exception. A granite tower rises a thousand meters above the mountains, with a perpetual light at the top: the Eternal Flame, symbolizing the achievements of humanity through adversity, the illuminating light of reason and understanding, and a beacon of hope for a better future. The names of fallen Iron Eagles are engraved upon the Eternal Flame's tower. Every city on Regius and most worlds in the Aprior Sector have a small replica of the Eternal Flame upon which they engrave the names of residents who have given their lives in the various Apriori Armed Forces.

The Apriori had survived for millennia in isolation, and the Iron Eagles made sure to keep that capability: each world or system in the Aprior Sector is able to meet its survival needs on its own, and is minimally reliant on worlds more than a few light-years away for industrial needs. Each planet also has sufficient PDF and Imperial Guard units to significantly resist invasion on its own, and many worlds in the sector raise enough IG Regiments to contribute to a sector “pool.” The Iron Eagles closely monitor the trainees; those with the right combination of genetic compatibility and aptitude are given the opportunity to become Aspirants, while women may be selected for training by the Sisters of Reason, and psykers may be recruited for similar training in the Psyker Auxiliary.

Beliefs

“An Iron Eagle's training is never truly complete, for there are always teachers whom he has yet to meet.”

- Chaplain Carolus Norys

The Imperial Creed and the Cult Mechanicus

The Iron Eagles do not make use of Chaplains and Techmarines as most Chapters do. Chaplains are still the spiritual leaders of the Iron Eagles, but they do not focus on worship of the Emperor in their sessions so much as they do on introspection and meditation, to seek areas for self-improvement.

The Iron Eagles do not have “proper” Techmarines at all. Their long isolation has forced them to develop technology on their own without the aid of the Adeptus Mechanicus; between that and the “Quest for Understanding,” it is unlikely that the Mechanicus would accept any Iron Eagles to become Techmarines now. Instead, the Iron Eagles use Technicians trained by Apriori engineers. Technicians are not only tasked with maintenance, but also with improving equipment; they are always tinkering.

The Apriori are tireless in their drive to improve themselves, their society, and their technology, in the so-called “Quest for Understanding,” and this mindset has become a part of the Iron Eagles as well. The Quest for Understanding has led the Iron Eagles and Apriori to what they call a “mutualist” philosophy: that intelligent life in the galaxy should at least peacefully coexist, if not engage in a common society. The fact that the Aprior Sector has been isolated from the Imperium for millennia, left to stand alone against the threats of the Eastern Fringe, has cemented this belief. The Apriori know that they have survived this long because they are willing to learn from and work with anyone who is willing, human and otherwise.

They realize that there are grave threats to their goal, in the form of the Tyranids, the Necrons, Chaos, and the Orks. These are are fanatical in their separate but equally deadly ways, and they grow stronger every year. And yet, even in their absence, the Imperium is inflexible, tyrannical, xenophobic, and corrupt to the core, and the Eldar and Tau aren't any better.

Iron Eagles Invocation

“As we proceed in our duties, consider the Emperor of Man. Despite his genius and continuing honorable courage, he made a number of avoidable mistakes, even from the foundation of the Imperium. Even with the greatest ability, and noblest goals, mistakes happen. Therefore, let us admit to our own errors, that we may refine our ways.”

Still, they don't believe that those obstacles are any reason to stop trying. The Iron Eagles' patient dedication to their goal, their willingness to assist anyone willing to work towards that goal, regardless of their species or beliefs, and their rejection of the more extreme tactics of other Space Marine chapters, has earned them the nickname of “The Reasonable Marines” among most Imperial citizens.

These beliefs are far outside the norm for the Space Marines, let alone the Imperium as a whole; it is seen as quaint and outdated at best, and borderline heretical at worst. The Adeptus Mechanicus is furious with the Iron Eagles' willingness to advance technology outside of their purview. The Ecclesiarchy has never been comfortable with the various Space Marine Chapters' deviations from the officially-sanctioned Imperial Cult, but a belief system dedicated to questioning orthodoxy has some priests apoplectic with rage. Even other Space Marine Chapters, particularly the Imperial Fists and their successors, regard the Iron Eagles with suspicion. It is only the skill, utility, and impressive service record of the Iron Eagles which allows them to survive, having earned the reluctant respect of the other Imperial factions. The prevailing attitude seems to be that, while the Iron Eagles' worldview is suspect, they are very useful and are the vastly lesser threat compared to those they fight.

Combat Doctrine

“Any Space Marine Chapter can apply force and destroy a target. The true measure of a Chapter is how it can achieve victory without force.”

- Captain Roland Darren, First Battalion, Third Company

The Iron Eagles eschew the typical tactics of other Space Marine chapters and Imperial militaries. They prepare for battle by painting their armor in camouflage appropriate to the environment, and may use more exotic techniques to disguise themselves against other means of detection. They rely on force integration, combined-arms tactics, and superior group coordination, training with Apriori PDF, Imperial Guard, and Navy so that they work together as one force, in a hold-over from the Great Crusade. Because of the Aprior Sector's isolation and the Adeptus Mechanicus' refusal to supply the Sector with their STC data, the Apriori have had to develop most of their technology themselves, outspending the rest of the Imperium on research and development. Their investments have paid off handsomely, resulting in a thriving industrial base with output that rivals most Forge Worlds, and equipment with significant variations and improvements from the norm. These in turn allow them to deploy more mechanized units than most other Chapters.

The most peculiar “combat doctrines” of the Iron Eagles have to do with their preference to avoid or limit combat if it is reasonable to do so; they have found that a nonviolent resolution is almost always preferable to a bloody war, and that, by not routing the enemy, prisoners taken can supply information and be used as bargaining chips. Some may even be won over to their side.

Iron Eagles will also leave a detachment behind after major combat operations are complete to help build a stable situation, rather than perpetuating needless and wasteful conflict, a continuation of the practice of the original Iron Eagles Legion. Sometimes, this involves cooperating with people which more traditional chapters would have exterminated. This practice raises many eyebrows within the Imperium, but the Iron Eagles' record speaks for itself: of all of the worlds and systems pacified by the Iron Eagles, not one has become a repeat offender.

Captain Darren of the Iron Eagles Third Company has earned the honorific “Master of the Deal” for his successes in defusing or de-escalating conflicts. The so-called “Non-War of Teron I” is one of his more famous accomplishments. When a Tau strike force claimed to own the Imperial colony of Teron I and threatened attack, the local Imperial Guard Regiments were provoked to mobilize, which would in turn invite a more weighty response from the Tau Empire, and could only escalate from there. A long meat-grinder war was in the making, until Darren's Battle Barge Scales of Justice appeared and he took control of the situation. Rather than preemptively striking at the Tau, he instead established a defensive perimeter against a sudden Tau attack and engaged the Tau force's commander diplomatically. He was able to convince the Tau that the resources required to take the world by force would be better spent colonizing non-Imperial worlds, playing on the fact that the Tau desired expansion more than bloodshed. With the war averted, the Tau went on their way, and the Iron Eagles had saved another world from a devastating conflict.

Confusing the Iron Eagles' willingness to negotiate or compromise with pacifism is a grave mistake, and to date, nobody has made it twice, largely because those who underestimate the Iron Eagles do not survive to do so a second time. When diplomacy cannot end a conflict, the Iron Eagles shift their focus to ending it with force as quickly and cleanly as possible. For example, a warband from the Black Legion led by Chaos Lord Jonas Krogan created a cult on the world of Doros in the Aprior Sector, thinking the Apriori to be easy prey. When open rebellion struck Doros, the cult had become so firmly entrenched that a typical war would take years to fully eliminate it; Krogan hoped that the Apriori would balk at such a costly war, and allow him to negotiate more favorable terms for himself. To his surprise, the veterans of the Iron Eagles' Second Battalion, Fourth Company, Second Platoon, called “The Emperor's Scalpel” for their mastery of surgically-precise checkmating strikes, teleported into the main ritual sites with Terminator armor and cut off the top of the chain of command. After that strike, the local Guard and PDF only had to contain and extinguish an army collapsing under its own internal struggles, which was completely exterminated in less than a month's time.

Organization

“Superior organization is not enough to win a war; a would-be victor must also have superior flexibility and mobility. So much the better, then, if organization supports flexibility and mobility.”

- Liber Aquilae Ferri (attributed to Second Primarch)

Liber Aquilae Ferri

“The Book of the Iron Eagles” is not actually a book so much as a collection of any and all historical records pertaining to the Iron Eagles: deployment orders, speech transcripts, even inventory manifests, anything to connect the modern Iron Eagles to their forebears. For example, a “chapter” is devoted to their Primarch's thoughts on the Codex Astartes, briefly summarized here. The Liber Aquilae Ferri also hints at some misfortune that first inspired these organizational decisions. The most accepted explanation is some sort of decapitating strike that convinced the Iron Eagles to use smaller, independent, and more flexible units.

The Iron Eagles operate under a heavily modified variant of the Codex Astartes organizational doctrine, using a highly decentralized and flexible organization. Their non-Command Squads are nominally composed of twenty-four Marines, which is unusually large, but gives the Squads plenty of options for dividing up in battle. Two Tactical Squads, an Assault Squad, a Devastator Squad, and a Command Squad (plus support staff) form a Platoon of about a hundred Marines, which is generally the largest Iron Eagles unit fielded at any given time. Three Platoons make a Company, four Companies make a Battalion, and three Battalions make a Regiment.

The First Battalion is the public face of the Iron Eagles, sent throughout the galaxy to win people over to the Apriori perspective; the Second Battalion is identically organized to the First, and deployed to act as a picket against incoming threats to the sector. The Third Battalion contains the Reserve Companies, two Companies composed entirely of Tactical Squads, one of Assault Squads, and one of Devastator Squads, which remain largely in the Aprior System when they aren't being deployed to reinforce. Collectively, the three Battalions form the Thirteenth (and Last, and Only) Regiment of the Iron Eagles.

The Iron Eagles also have a female auxiliary, the Sisters of Reason. Lacking the implants of the Iron Eagles proper, they are generally not deployed into direct combat, serving instead as support in environments that are too dangerous for an unarmored human, such as crewing Iron Eagle vehicles or bolstering security forces.

Force division aside, the Iron Eagles have several other notable deviations from the Codex Astartes: they generally do not separate their Neophytes, Scouts, or Veterans from their main force. Instead of being trained in a specific Scout Company, Iron Eagle Neophytes train with the Reserve Companies on Regius and the moons of Aprior Quintius; when a mission calls for Iron Eagle reconnaissance, Scouts are drawn from the Assault squads. Veterans are distributed more or less evenly among the Squads so that all Squads can benefit from their leadership and the Veterans can learn from up-and-coming Marines, in keeping with their self-improvement philosophy, and for the most part, will operate separately only when they are in Terminator armor.

Gene-seed

“Who knows what our Primarch was like? We don't have any records about him, and not much that he wrote or said. Our gene-seed is our strongest link to him.”

- Apothecary Arik Suung

Little is known about the second Primarch, but he was certainly a Blank of phenomenal power, and this genetic legacy lives on in the Iron Eagles' gene-seed. Blanks' abilities are dramatically enhanced to the point that they can manipulate the shape and strength of their “null aura” to some degree, while psykers' abilities are severely blunted, if not outright deadened; all others are given resistance to psychic powers and have a slight Warp-deadening effect with a range of about two meters. This trait endears them to the Inquisition, encouraging them (and thus the other Imperial factions) to turn a blind eye to the Iron Eagles' more deviant practices.

The Iron Eagles still need psykers for astropathic communication, so Neophytes who happen to be psykers are trained and armored similarly to the Sisters of Reason, without implants, though this leaves them less capable in combat than their counterparts in other Chapters. Fortunately, the Aprior Sector also has an abnormally high percentage of Blanks, and so Iron Eagle Blanks are also included in the Librarius, where they serve the psychic warfare role filled by psykers in other Chapters.

The Warp-nullifying abilities conferred by Iron Eagle gene-seed are a result of mutations in the organs that affect the brain. These mutations have no other effects for the most part, but the Omophagea has been rendered ineffective, leaving no incentive for some of the bloodthirstier practices of other Chapters. On the positive side, it seems that the psychic resistance in the gene-seed makes it less vulnerable to further mutation. This is a most fortunate side-effect, as the Iron Eagles are too isolated for the Mechanicus to catch harmful mutation in a timely manner.

Battle-Cry

The Iron Eagles do not have a “battle-cry” per se, as they do not shout going into battle. Their motto and rallying cry is “Onward And Upward!”

Okay! That's the Iron Eagles. Some of this information is based on stuff from 4chan (i.e. Captain Darren and the Teron I incident, the name “Aprior”), though I've tried to clean it up and make it fit with the universe (as much as a chapter of “Reasonable Marines” can fit in with a grim, dark future, anyway). The remainder is original. Those interested can read archived discussions of the Reasonable Marines here and here, if you dare.

It would be pretty hypocritical of me to write about a Legion/Chapter that is dedicated to self-improvement and not be prepared to do so myself. I've put a lot of work into this, but I know there must be room for improvement. I'm pretty happy with the concept as it stands. I've tried to avoid treading too much on canon, by leaving out most of the details of the second legion's fate, but if that's a problem, I suppose these guys would work as a Cursed Founding chapter (maybe the AdMech tinkered with the gene-seed to produce the Blank trait, with the “downside” of producing a chapter disinclined to accept orthodoxy, which was further cemented when they encountered Aprior; then the Liber Aquilae Ferri would not have anything about a Primarch but rather their enigmatic first Chapter Master).

Conceptual problems aside, I know I have a chronic case of “semi-colon cancer.” I'm trying to cut down on semi-colon usage, but if you feel there are any egregious cases, let me know.

[Ecritter]

First welcome to the Liber, I suggest you read the DIY Guide and Octavulg's guide. I'll try to be gentle.

 

The Iron Eagles are one of the most experienced and accomplished chapters of the Adeptus Astartes

 

No ... they're not.

 

Known only to the Iron Eagles and the highest echelons of the Imperium, the Iron Eagles are a First Founding chapter: Legion II of the Adeptus Astartes.

 

No ... they're not.

 

they would leave behind a few Marines, an Imperial Army Regiment or two, and some support staff to serve as a provisional government to help the planet get off to a good start.

 

Not a marines job and the exact reason the Word Bearers turned Chaos.

 

Astartes Regiment

 

No such thing, were Legions now are Chapters.

 

He was an Inquisitor, but he was also a Recongretator, and was sympathetic to their drive for self-improvement, even if that meant rejecting dogma.

 

So ... he was a heretic.

 

The Apriori had survived for millennia in isolation

 

How exactly?

 

The Iron Eagles operate under a heavily modified variant of the Codex Astartes organizational doctrine

 

So ... they use a guide that they'd never seen. They were lost when it was written.

 

**************************

 

I'll stop for now .... I'll have to come back to this later.

[Hrvat]

Hey Ecritter don't be so harsh on the guy. This is one of the more interesting approaches to Lost Legions I have seen and the writer actualy states that he is trying to achieve that in the into by using existing references and fluffing them out.

[Ecritter]

Hey Ecritter don't be so harsh on the guy. This is one of the more interesting approaches to Lost Legions I have seen and the writer actualy states that he is trying to achieve that in the into by using existing references and fluffing them out.

 

Sorry, didn't seem harsh to me.

[Ecritter]

Okay, rather then specific quotes I'm gonna break it down section by section. I'm going to be concise and try not to be harsh, but some things must be said.

 

Opening

 

Opening with 'my chapter is better then anyone else's' is never a good way to start.

 

You say they're only one chapter out of a thousand. There are a thousand 'known' chapters, so you'd be 1,001.

 

How exactly would a chapter made from a lost legion know about the Golden Throne ... it was made after they were lost.

 

Origins

 

The key to making a chapter from one of the lost legions is to explain why they are lost. You don't even try. They're not lost ... they were completely erased from the history books. Even Horus and the other heretic legions didn't get erased.

 

Saying its a secret just doesn't cover it.

 

Space Marines don't leave behind Imperial Guard (there is no Imperial Army). They have no control over the IG at all.

 

Just how many planets did they leave marines on? Cause if you leave 100 on 100 worlds, you've left 10,000 marines .... and that was the size of some of the legions to start with.

 

Space Marines didn't look for bases during the Great Crusade. They conquered and moved on. That was the Emperor's order.

 

What exactly isolated them from the Imperium? You say warp storms, 5,000 years is a very long warp storm.

 

Second Contact

 

Already covered most in my previous comments.

 

Homeworld

 

You mention IG units in the system, were they lost too or what. Did they just spring up from seeds ... didn't know thats how they were made.

 

Not sure if IG begin training at age 8 like SMs do, so watching them for suitable trainees won't work.

 

Beliefs

 

All this section is counter to SM beliefs. No question about it.

 

It all sounds like you're making an IA: IG and giving them the title of SM.

 

Combat Doctrine

 

SMs don't do camo.

 

In this section you add Imperial Navy into the mix, where did they come from? Yet another group lost with you?

 

Why has the Admech refused to suppy you?

 

All this is also counter to SM tactics.

 

Organization

 

You're using modern combat terms to explain future combat doctrine for no reason.

 

***********************

 

Okay, no matter how I write it the further in I go the more weirded out I get and it comes out harsh.

 

Perhaps I've just been sparring with Octavulg too much.

[HAL-9001]

I see that you've got a new review now, and I'll address those concerns in time; for the moment, here's what I've got to say about your first review.

 

First welcome to the Liber, I suggest you read the DIY Guide and Octavulg's guide. I'll try to be gentle.

 

The Iron Eagles are one of the most experienced and accomplished chapters of the Adeptus Astartes

No ... they're not.

 

Known only to the Iron Eagles and the highest echelons of the Imperium, the Iron Eagles are a First Founding chapter: Legion II of the Adeptus Astartes.

No ... they're not.

On the one hand, I see exactly where you're coming from (the DIY Guide says specifically "Don’t claim your chapter is one of the missing legions"!), and I've got some ideas for fixing it (Cursed Founding), but on the other hand, I really like the idea as it stands, and the Reasonable Marines were never meant to fit the mold at all -- the concept was largely created in a brainstorming session intended to "produce the largest amount of nerdrage among neckbeards." I don't know if you have a neckbeard, but I did sense a little nerdrage here. I guess that means it worked. :P

 

No hard feelings; I knew what I was getting into when I wrote this (though I'd still like to thank Hrvat for standing up for me).

 

The other idea for inducing nerdrage was to make an army of Sisters of Battle and then say, straight-faced, that they counted as Marines. This gave me an idea for what might have happened to Legion XI.

 

Regardless of your opinion on what fluff has to say, there are some seriously good reasons to avoid having female Marines, one of which is the fact that, once you give Marines the ability to breed, they become a fully independent and viable species of superhumans, and it's only a matter of time until some of them say "Why the heck do we need to keep these humans around? We don't need them any more!" Kind of like the Eugenics Wars, from Star Trek.

 

Anyway, so Legion XI, the "Splicers of Rapture," are masters of bioengineering, making changes to their gene-seed to make themselves better, stronger, faster, and all that. Finally, they succeed in adapting gene-seed to work in females. The Emperor hears about this, and he knows the dangers of creating a species of super-humans (that's why he never bothered creating female Marines in the first place), and so he obliterates Legion XI, destroys their research and all traces of their existence, and then says "Anyone who asks too many questions about Legion XI will join them."

 

Man, the more I think about this, the more ideas I get for an Index Traitoris! Oops, I'd better get back to the critique. Save the IT for later.

 

they would leave behind a few Marines, an Imperial Army Regiment or two, and some support staff to serve as a provisional government to help the planet get off to a good start.

 

Not a marines job and the exact reason the Word Bearers turned Chaos.

 

I put the "provisional government" in because I thought I needed a reason to have a network of Iron Eagles in the Aprior Sector to extend the Iron Eagles' influence while in isolation. As I read it now, though, I see it isn't really necessary. It'll take more than a few edits to make the Origin section flow nicely after I take that bit out, so it may be a day or two before I have a fix ready to update.

 

Astartes Regiment

 

No such thing, were Legions now are Chapters.

Sorry, I should have been clearer -- they founded a new Regiment of the Iron Eagles specifically.

 

He was an Inquisitor, but he was also a Recongretator, and was sympathetic to their drive for self-improvement, even if that meant rejecting dogma.

 

So ... he was a heretic.

 

According to the Recongregator philosophy the Imperium has become corrupt and is decaying. They believe that it no longer serves the purpose it was created for, and works in spite of the many organisations rather than because of them. The Recongregators preach that over time the mess of politics, factions, bureaucracy and the immense edifices of the Imperium must be broken down and rebuilt in a new way that works better for Mankind. Inquisitors of this faction seek to destabilise the Imperium from the inside, replacing the corrupt individuals with people more accepting of change.

 

Sounds like a Recongregator is fine to me, unless I'm reading this wrong. Although there certainly are those within the Imperium who would see the Iron Eagles as heretics, like that Sisters of Battle task force.

 

The Apriori had survived for millennia in isolation

 

How exactly?

 

Good question -- through some cooperation with xenos living in the sector (especially trade in technology, both weapons and otherwise), as well as a healthy dose of improvisation and innovation. I said this later under "Beliefs;" obviously I need to say it earlier.

 

The Iron Eagles operate under a heavily modified variant of the Codex Astartes organizational doctrine

 

So ... they use a guide that they'd never seen. They were lost when it was written.

 

Oops -- I thought it was written pre-Heresy, further research tells me that it wasn't. In that case, they never saw the Codex at all, and just created a flexible, decentralized organization from the get-go (though the division into Tactical, Assault, and Devastator Squads may have been inspired by working with the Ultramarines). Again, I'll need a little while to make it all flow right.

 

Anyway, thanks a bunch for the review. I was a little worried that I'd just get bowling-ball'd into oblivion, but what you've said is very helpful.

 

And now I'll start working on your second review! Although that'll probably also take a little while for me to get through, so please be patient.

[Octavulg]

Manbat is rather bestial, after all. It seems appropriate.

 

SM used camo in older fluff, so it's not without precedent.

[Ace Debonair]

few words up-front: this is my first Index Astartes (and, actually, my first post here). I've been sitting on this IA and working on it for three months now, and it's reached a stage where I feel comfortable sharing it for commentary.

 

This chapter is based on a lot of ideas percolating through my head at the same time. 4chan's /tg/ board (Traditional Games) has created several DIY Space Marine chapters, my favorite of which is the Reasonable Marines. I liked the idea of breaking up the “grimdark” stuff with a reasonable faction. I've also had some ideas about what the lost legions might be like. This project is a combination of these.

Welcome to the Liber! :P

Rather than dissect your post altogether, I'll advise you to firstly read the DIY guide stickied at the top of the forum - it's an excellent read, and will offer you more guidance than I ever could, in a far more eloquent and learned fashion. :P

 

However. let me just bring this up.

 

You have a lost legion who armours and trains women, executes some sisters of battle, negotiates with Tau, still has imperial support afterwards, and is made up of several thousand super-blanks with reverse-psychic powers.

 

One of the key elements of a good IA is to do with with suspension of disbelief. A reader has to be able to think your chapter could exist alongside existing chapters, and of course their own chapters.

What you have here breaks suspension of disbelief in every section of the IA in a most brutal fashion.

 

The DIY guide (and the Octaguide, although you might have to search for that one) will give you a lot of information on how to transform your work into something believable.

 

I should also add that certainly nothing any of us say is intended as a personal attack or anything - our mission, much like yours, is to help you improve what you've written. B)

[Ecritter]

Manbat is rather bestial, after all. It seems appropriate.

 

SM used camo in older fluff, so it's not without precedent.

 

How odd, it seems I'm you today. But you're not me ... just who are you today? :P

 

On another note, if you ask around you'll find I tried to make the universe fit my chapter, instead of trying to fit into everyone elses, when I started here. It didn't turn out well, but I have grown.

 

Manbat rulz !!

[HAL-9001]

Okay, rather then specific quotes I'm gonna break it down section by section. I'm going to be concise and try not to be harsh, but some things must be said.

 

Opening

 

Opening with 'my chapter is better then anyone else's' is never a good way to start.

 

You say they're only one chapter out of a thousand. There are a thousand 'known' chapters, so you'd be 1,001.

 

How exactly would a chapter made from a lost legion know about the Golden Throne ... it was made after they were lost.

 

I'll tone down the cowbell of the blurb (the "most experienced etc." bit can be taken out without hurting flow).

 

I always figured the "thousand" was being figurative, sort of like the nominal "thousand" Marines in a Chapter. In any case, that's how I'm using it here -- 1,000 Chapters or 1,001, it's the same order of magnitude.

 

The chapter has come back into contact with the Imperium since loss of contact, and first order of business was catching up on what happened while they were away.

Origins

 

The key to making a chapter from one of the lost legions is to explain why they are lost. You don't even try. They're not lost ... they were completely erased from the history books. Even Horus and the other heretic legions didn't get erased.

 

Saying its a secret just doesn't cover it.

 

I thought the injunction on the using the Lost Legions was because we weren't supposed to know how they were lost, but if it's important, I'll be glad to include it! It will require heavy changes to the IA, but I hope it works out. Iron Eagles Origin (and History) 2.0:

 

Manifold was settled by psykers and psyker-sympathizers escaping persecution, financed by a few psyker-lords and their mind-controlled minions seeking a new world to conquer. Their colony ship crashed, scattering the colonists and leaving them without technology, having to fend for themselves for generations. When genetor-tank II landed on Manifold, the baby inside was taken in; the psykers couldn't feel anything from him, so they named him Nil. Nil rose to power through his mastery of technology; initially, he was noteworthy because he was the only one in his city who could make anything from the wrecked colony ship work, but when he repaired and deployed the ship's weapon systems and led the defense against an army under control of a psyker-lord (and then annihilated the psyker-lord with his power), he was an obvious choice to lead.

 

As he slowly unified the planet, his most difficult opponents were the psyker-lords, because he couldn't reason with their minions; in every other case, he could negotiate with his opponents, but a psyker-lord's control was absolute. He came to hate them for robbing the free will of their thralls.

 

He also learned about governance from his foes: he found that city-states would stagnate and decay under an inflexible, repressive leadership, and that this tendency increased as the city-state grew larger. This decay made it easier for him to conquer, but seeing what could happen if he weren't careful sobered him. His hatred of psyker-lords grew to include a distrust of rigid or controlling institutions in general, and he became determined to not fall into the trap of enslaving himself to orthodoxy.

 

He eventually managed to repair the radio on the old colony ship, and sent out a signal, which got picked up, and repeated, and when an Imperial Expeditionary Fleet paid a visit, they recognized Nil as a Primarch and summoned the Emperor. Nil, sensing the Emperor's power, thought him to be psyker-lord, and immediately engaged him in single combat. The Emperor emerged victorious, but knew from the determination with which Nil fought that he had truly found a lost son. To try and prove to Nil that he was different from the psyker-lords whom Nil destroyed, he showed Nil the Imperium that he had created, and offered Nil a chance to become a part of the effort, at the head of the Second Space Marine Legion. Nil readily accepted.

 

Nil's creative, inquisitive drive was infectious, and his legion soon adopted it as well. Nil drew on his experience as the unifier of Manifold when dividing his Legion; rather than taking most of his Legion with him, he split them up into small, flexible units of a few hundred Marines each, attached to many Expedition Fleets.

 

The Iron Eagles found that, many times, conflicts could be solved more quickly and cleanly through cooperation and compromise than through a bloody war, even if the opponents were non-human. This resulted in what they came to call a "mutualist" outlook: that intelligent life in the galaxy, human and otherwise, should be able to at least coexist peacefully, if not in a common society.

 

This outlook did not enjoy universal popularity among the Imperium. The Imperial Fists and Emperor's Children in particular felt that the galaxy was intended for humanity and humanity alone. However, the Iron Eagles' record spoke for itself: their worlds were consistently better off after being re-unified than worlds smashed into submission by, for example, the World Eaters. The Salamanders, the Thousand Sons, and, critically, the Sons of Horus were supportive of the Iron Eagles, and so the Primarchs "agreed to disagree" about each others' methods.

 

The Adeptus Mechanicus would not do so. They claimed the exclusive right to study technology, and frequently demanded that the Emperor censure the Iron Eagles for their experimentation in this regard. To advance technology without the holy STC system was heresy, they claimed, and advancing technology by trading with aliens was doubly so. Nil's mistrust for the Mechanicus did not help matters; it has been speculated that the only reason that there was no open conflict between the Adeptus Mechanicus and the Iron Eagles was that Nil had attached himself to the furthest-out Expedition Fleet possible: the 101st, deep in the Galactic East.

 

It was there that they encountered the world of Aprior. The Apriori had been on a colony vessel with one of the first experimental Warp drives, and had drastically overshot their destination, ending up in the Eastern Fringe. The Apriori had been forced to cooperate with an alien species in a nearby system to gain enough technology to stand against the threats of the Fringe, and the relationship had cemented over the millennia into a firm alliance, with an advanced, democratic society and a strong technological and industrial base that rivaled many Forge Worlds.

 

Nil and the Iron Eagles were overjoyed at their find: the perfect example of a mutualist society. He decided that the Apriori were too valuable to leave their survival to chance, and so he gave the fleet and attached armed forces orders to bolster the Apriori's defenses and grow to control the surrounding region of space. In the meantime, he would return to the galaxy and announce his discovery to the other Primarchs, proving himself and his Legion right, once and for all.

 

He was interrupted by the Nightfall Incident: an Expeditionary Fleet containing a detachment of Iron Eagles had discovered a tomb complex containing unimaginable technologies on the highly-industrialized world of Nightfall, what would today be recognized as Necrons. The Iron Eagles' tinkering awakened the ancient constructs, which quickly conquered the planet and made ready to spread further. The Fleet managed to contain the threat with a cyclonic-torpedo bombardment, but the damage had been done: every citizen of Nightfall and over three hundred Iron Eagles died, as there had been no time to evacuate. The Mechanicus now had a reason to demand the Iron Eagles' destruction: clearly, they argued, proper precautions had to be taken in advancing technology, and while they understood the Iron Eagles' drive to experiment, they had just proven themselves too dangerous to be allowed to continue.

 

Nil was able to save his Legion from destruction: he argued that the Iron Eagles at fault had already perished, and there was no need to punish the remainder of his legion for their actions -- and with the Great Crusade at full swing, the Imperium could ill afford to lose over 40,000 Marines. He would accept responsibility for the lost Iron Eagles' actions, and go into exile, turning his Marines over to another Legion. His Legion would be erased from history, and their accomplishments would be turned over to their new Legion. Nil reasoned that Roboute Guilliman was the best choice -- he was neither firmly on the Iron Eagles' side, like the Salamanders, nor on the Mechanicus' side, like the Imperial Fists or Iron Hands. Guilliman accepted the former Iron Eagles, and Nil set out for the Galactic East, seeking to probe the space beyond the Astronomican's light, while all records of the Iron Eagles' existence were destroyed.

 

Some observers of the trial thought that Nil had been uncharacteristically accepting of his fate; the bitter disputes between him and the Mechanicus were not secret, and there was an expectation that he would fight harder. Some proposed at the time that Nil had something up his sleeve, and to some extent, they were correct: nobody had heard about the 101st fleet's discovery, and Nil saw no reason to change this state of affairs.

 

During the Horus Heresy, vast Warp storms shook the Immaterium, and only the Astronomican, powered by the Emperor's psychic might, held them off so that his fleets could continue unabated. However, the Astronomican's range is limited, and with the added strain of holding off the storms, the range shrunk so that the Warp storms enveloped the Aprior sector, cutting them off from the Imperium entirely, and isolating them from each other. When the Word Bearers moved against Ultramar, the former Iron Eagles bore the brunt of the casualties, and without a supply of new recruits, they died out altogether within a century; the Marines of the Aprior Sector were now the only Iron Eagles in existence.

 

When the Heresy ended, the Warp storms abated, but the turbulence at the edge of the Astronomican remained, making Warp travel exceedingly dangerous. Nil managed to work his way through the Warp with the aid of technology that he had reverse-engineered from the records of the Nightfall expedition, and realized that, with some modifications and a vast increase in scale, he could use that technology to calm the Warp and render it safe for travel again. He journeyed from world to world, constructing an array of null-nodes across the Sector, until he came to capital world of Aprior Regius itself. There, he constructed the central node and used himself as a psychic "ground" to bleed energy out of the Warp turbulence through the network. The effort cost his life, though his sacrifice calmed the Warp enough to allow inter-sector travel to resume.

 

The Iron Eagles and other Apriori armed forces grew through time, expanding humanity's influence to the whole Sector. The Warp-turbulence surrounding the Sector acted as a one-way gate: vessels and refuse of all kinds could find its way in, but could not easily leave. One task of the Iron Eagles is to act as a picket to intercept incoming flotsam, and shepherd it to a planet if it is desirable or if its occupants are willing to cooperate with the mutualist goal, or destroy it if it is hostile.

 

The Warp-turbulence also serves to limit influx to the Sector; very rarely will more than one vessel arrive at a time. For millennia, there has only been one exception: a task force from the Adepta Sororitas, sent shortly after the end of the Reign of Blood. The task force was horrified at the deviations from Imperial norms, and found the Sector beyond redemption; the only remaining course of action was to put it to the torch. Their ferocity shocked the Apriori, but the Sisters were too far afield to be reinforced and were dealing with foes who were literally defending their only home. The Sisters were quickly stopped on the world of Dvi-Marion: the Iron Eagles incapacitated the task force's orbital assets, and were thus able to force the trapped Sisters to surrender. The task force was then tried and convicted of crimes against humanity for the brutal tactics that they employed, and were offered a choice: use their expertise to help the Apriori, or be executed. Enough chose to join that the Iron Eagles were able to adapt their equipment and methods with a few “reasonable” changes to include women in their recruitment programs; though women could not receive implants, they could still be armored and trained. The isolation of the Aprior Sector meant that the Iron Eagles were able to keep a tight lid on the fate of the task force. The Ecclesiarchy came to believe the task force lost in the Warp, and the Iron Eagles had no reason to let them believe otherwise.

 

The Inquisition never quite accepted that hypothesized fate, and periodically sent investigators to the Aprior Sector to try and pierce the turbulent veil shielding it, but none penetrated and returned. However, the Warp is being deadened and calmed by the encroaching Tyranids and Necrons, and the veil is beginning to fall. Already, several Inquisitorial teams have successfully penetrated the veil, and the Iron Eagles cannot stop all of them.

 

Radical Inquisitors, exemplified by Johannes Krieger of the Ordo Hereticus, advocate cautious acceptance. Krieger acknowledges the deviations of the Aprior Sector, but argues that their experience makes them useful to have in the Imperium, and that the Iron Eagles' Warp-reducing and, in extreme cases, Warp-nullifying effect makes them very valuable indeed to the Inquisition. As a Recongregator, he has also suggested to his like-minded colleagues that some "deviations" might be put to good use in the Imperium, such the Apriori societal reforms. On his advice, the Iron Eagles have sent their first four Battle Companies into the Imperium proper to act as a public-relations campaign; to protect worlds they encounter and convince the Imperium that they're better off with the Iron Eagles at their side.

 

The more Puritanical Inquisitors, led by staunch Monodominant Inquisitor Lord Avius Damnos, claim that no utility can possibly justify the degree of Apriori deviation, and are trying to rouse the Imperium in a Crusade against the Aprior Sector. In case Damnos' voice carries the day, the second four Battle Companies and the majority of the Reserve Companies are deployed throughout the Aprior Sector to defend against an Imperial invasion.

 

For the moment, the Radicals seem to have the upper hand, if only through bureaucratic inertia: the Aprior Sector does not appear to be threatening enough to expend the effort to initiate a Crusade and the costs of eliminating an experienced and firmly-entrenched foe, and the Apriori are quite willing to share their armed forces and expertise. The Apriori and Iron Eagles know that this state of affairs is tenuous at best, and so they have ramped up production and research to prepare for a hostile Imperial response. However, they are also aware that they cannot win a war of attrition against the entire galaxy, and so some Apriori and Iron Eagle leaders are drafting contingency plans for visibly bringing themselves into compliance with Imperial policy, with force if need be, should the Imperium demand it. It pains them to consider abandoning the policies that have allowed them to survive in isolation, but averting a Crusade is also important to the survival of the Imperium; the Necrons, Chaos, the Orks, and the Tyranids are already draining enough, and unlike the Aprior Sector, they cannot be reasoned with. Of course, there is also reason to believe that unless the Imperium starts to adopt a more Apriori outlook, and stands with extraterrestrial intelligence rather than trying to destroy it, the Imperium may not be able to survive anyway.

 

Phew. That's an awful lot of exposition. I hope it works better than what I've got now -- it is pretty long, but I think it sets up the motivations for the Iron Eagles and clears up some concept difficulties. The

 

Space Marines don't leave behind Imperial Guard (there is no Imperial Army). They have no control over the IG at all.

The Imperial Army was the predecessor to the Imperial Guard during the Great Crusade, and the Marines did have control over them. The Horus Heresy showed the danger of putting so many men under the control of so few, and Roboute's reforms are the reason that the IG are now separate from the Space Marines (and the Navy, too).

 

Just how many planets did they leave marines on? Cause if you leave 100 on 100 worlds, you've left 10,000 marines .... and that was the size of some of the legions to start with.

 

Space Marines didn't look for bases during the Great Crusade. They conquered and moved on. That was the Emperor's order.

 

I've edited the Origin so that these aren't issues any more.

 

What exactly isolated them from the Imperium? You say warp storms, 5,000 years is a very long warp storm.

 

The Warp storms isolating Terra during the Age of Strife lasted for millennia, so there is precedent for a storm lasting that long. However, in this case, it's not so much Warp storms as it is Warp turbulence at the edge of the Astronomican, like the termination shock and bow shock where the solar wind collides with the interstellar medium. I'll try to clarify this in the text.

 

Homeworld

 

You mention IG units in the system, were they lost too or what. Did they just spring up from seeds ... didn't know thats how they were made.

 

Well, that kind of is how they're made -- each world in the Imperium is required to raise a tithe, and sometimes that tithe is paid in Imperial Guard units.

 

Not sure if IG begin training at age 8 like SMs do, so watching them for suitable trainees won't work.

 

Good point, though things don't have to start that early, do they? The latest to start implanting is at 14; give the SMs a couple of years to sort out the right recruits from their initial pool before implanting, they need to recruit at 12, at the latest. Shortly after the end of elementary school, or shortly before the beginning of middle school

 

Maybe, instead of watching the IG, the Apriori have genetic screening as a requirement for public schooling, in addition to immunization, or maybe screening at birth. When a "flagged" child turns 12 (or maybe 10, somewhere in there), their family is offered the opportunity to have their children go in for training, with no penalties if the child doesn't make it or the family refuses (though having a child in the Space Marines is a pretty big deal, to say the least, so not many refuse). If Pariahs are as repulsive as some portrayals show, the Iron Eagles may actively intervene and rescue such infants to become Librarians.

 

Beliefs

 

All this section is counter to SM beliefs. No question about it.

 

It all sounds like you're making an IA: IG and giving them the title of SM.

 

I'm not an expert on Imperial Guard beliefs, so I'm not sure what I can say here. However, the Emperor's Children and the Iron Hands are also tireless in their pursuit of perfection (though the Emperor's Children were very pro-human and turned traitor, and the Iron Hands are very harsh and pro-Mechanicus, so I'm not sure what good these examples are).

 

Combat Doctrine

 

SMs don't do camo.

 

Why shouldn't SMs use camo? The best reason that I've seen given is that many threats that the Space Marines face do not experience the world in the same way that humans do, and so camouflaging against human vision would result in giving them a false sense of security. There is some logic to this, but there is no means of detection that cannot be evaded, and part of the Iron Eagles' combat doctrine is to identify those means of detection.

 

Huh. Maybe I should talk more about this in the IA.

 

The not-so-good reason that I've heard is, if I recall correctly, a quote by an Imperial Fist, who says something to the effect of "We wear bright colors so that our enemies can see us and learn to fear us!" Frankly, that is unReasonable, and incorrect (in my experience): things unseen are much scarier than things seen. Suppose an enemy can see 20 Imperial Fists, he thinks, "Sure, there's 20 of them, and yeah, they're tough, but at least there aren't, say, 40 of them." Whereas if he has no idea how many Iron Eagles he is facing, or when or where they will strike, he has to imagine it. And one's own imagination is always the scariest opponent to face, because it cannot be defeated. A single Iron Eagle, with a few judicious traps and sabotage efforts, can have the enemy chasing its own tail and jumping at shadows.

 

Maybe I should include this as well.

 

In this section you add Imperial Navy into the mix, where did they come from? Yet another group lost with you?

 

The Imperial Navy are the spaceships that carry the Imperial Guard around and stop enemy spaceships from getting around. The Iron Eagles don't depend on them for getting around (they've got their own Battle Barges and Strike Cruisers for that), but (thanks to Roboute's division-of-power reforms) the Space Marines don't have much anti-ship capability, so they need to work with the Navy to protect themselves against enemy fleets. That's what their drills are like -- OPFOR fleet is guarding a planet, the Navy needs to escort the Marine vessels into position to deploy.

 

I'm not sure if this adds anything.

 

Why has the Admech refused to suppy you?

 

Years-old ideological differences of opinion about technological advancement. Origins 2.0 covers this more, and sidesteps the issue some, by isolating the Iron Eagles for much longer (basically until the present day).

 

Organization

 

You're using modern combat terms to explain future combat doctrine for no reason.

 

The new Origin has the Iron Eagles divided into smaller units than my original idea (i.e. no more than a few hundred Iron Eagles around at any time, as opposed to a few thousand in a Regiment), so I'll be changing this.

 

***********************

 

Okay, no matter how I write it the further in I go the more weirded out I get and it comes out harsh.

 

Perhaps I've just been sparring with Octavulg too much.

 

Not sure what I can say here, although I entirely understand. All of the ideas here come from somebody with very little attachment to 40k paradigms and thus no disbelief to suspend (me) or somebodies who treat those paradigms with disdain, irreverence, and mockery (4chan). I'm trying to strike a balance between the original idea (the Reasonable Marines) and the accepted canon (grimdark).

 

******

 

Since I've got this enormous thing here, I might as well spend a few more lines and respond to Ace (sorry if I start to sound crabby; I know your advice was given with the best of intentions, I'm just dead tired now). The revised history should address a lot of disbelief-breaking. The only thing that it doesn't address is the problem of a chapter full of super-blanks. Not all of the Iron Eagles have super-anti-psychic powers, only Blanks get that, and Blanks are still quite rare; even with a higher-than-average occurrence rate and a great program for identifying Blanks (described above), the Iron Eagles have no higher amount of Librarians (Anti-Librarians?) than do any other Chapter. Obviously, that didn't come through in the text, so I'll see to it that that gets fixed.

 

******

 

It's way late (early?) now (for me, I don't know what time zone you all live in), and I'll be busy tomorrow (today?), and then it's the week again...it may be a few days before I get in some edits. In the meantime, if you have any critiques on that enormous wall of text that passes for a revised origin story, feel free to have at it.