The Scarred Angels

[what?]

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Scarred Angel Battle Brother

Origins

Made from Imperial Fist stock during the 3rd founding the Scarred Angels were made to protect the fringes of the segmentum tempestus from the dangers that had gripped it in the time since the great betrayal. Still there were areas where small time warlords had made home, where ork waaghs endangered entire systems and where the horrors of the heresy hid in the darkness. The Scarred Angels (originally the Divine Blades) were sworn to make a 2 millennia crusade against all evils in this segmentum and bring the light of the emperor to the dark places of the galaxy. In this they served dutifully, well equipped with 2 Battle Barges- ‘Inertia’ and ‘Storm of Divinity’ and 6 strike cruisers they were able to crush rebellion and free thought wherever they found it and suffered little loss without glory and eventual victory until the grim tale of Atopia once their crusade was over.

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">The Rise and Fall of Angelos

The two successors to Simota were Angelos and Umbras, both revered by the local population and blessed by Simota. It was Umbras’ request for support from the chapter which brought the Angels into the politics as Umbras’ manipulation and political ability eventually lead to the Chapter Master Durrohk apparently testifying to Umbras’ right to rule in a television broadcast (although the Angels still claim to have been manipulated into this, having no intention to interfere with the world at any time). Regardless it was eventually Angelos who was made Cardinal and Umbras went on a pilgrimage to the far corners of the universe. The now Cardinal Angelos however had a vendetta against the Angels for their interference however and soon a set of events was set in motion that would end in tragedy.

It is not known how or when the Cardinal Angelos fell to chaos but all that is known was that he did. Slowly his speeches spoke less of subservience and thanks to the god-emperor and more of love and progression. Taxes were lowered and provision for the health and good of the public soon became the basis of his government’s action. Although the Angels were curios to his motives they were eager not to become embroiled again in politics and so stood back as he became more radical. However this ended on the day of the feast of the Emperor’s Ascension when the Cardinal’s traditional speech of thanks to the emperor and offering of a huge bounty of food to the immortal emperor was replaced by the handing out of food to paupers and a message of love and harmony unto all. His final message was one of forgiveness unto traitors and heathen and he announced the reassessment of all cases of heresy within the planet prison and the release of any he considered not of a spiteful nature. Durrohk stepped in at this point and in a private meeting with the cardinal in which he reminded him of the danger of his words was rebuked and ordered not to set foot within the confines of the main city of Atopia or the Cardinal would report him to the Adeptus Terra for overstepping his authority. Begrudgingly Durrohk agreed and did not set foot within the City again in his lifetime.

Slowly tensions between the administration and the majority of the population with the Scarred Angels and the few preachers who opposed the cardinal (mostly supporters of Umbras) grew until it seemed that the space marines were preparing to leave the world. Indeed it would have been that the Scarred Angels would have left the world were it not for a warp storm encroaching on the system and making movement of the fleet, particularly the prized forge ships, very dangerous. Indeed the warp storms also prevented inter-system travel and communication, which would be a source of despair for the Scarred Angels for the rest of the fall of Atopia.

Instead civil war finally broke when the Cardinal gave a speech proclaiming that the God-Emperor was in fact nothing but a man and that all men had the right to follow his teaching in anyway they so wanted outside of the imperial cult, this was followed by the release of 146,000 men and women charged for heresy being released from prison on accounts of unconditional forgiveness and a second chance.
First company captain Oedipus retaliated to this attack on the lord and protector of all mankind and utter heresy by marching into the cathedral of light with 10 terminators and opening fire on the cardinal and his followers during mass.

Scarred Angel footage of the attack showed the corpses of the cardinal and his priests reanimating and with a hideous blue glow rending the souls of the captain and his men from their bodies before the servo skull ceased transmitting.

Planet wide media immediately showed fake footage of the cardinal being saved by the sacrifice of his followers who blocked the bolters of the space marines with their bodies and the captain’s body was displayed for three weeks in the cathedral, a small scale pilgrimage occurred with the most fanatical of the cardinals supporters coming to spit on the corpse of the assassin.

Durrohk, aware at last of what was occurring ordered his men into battle and roughly 900 marines assembled in full fighting condition on the planes due north of the capital city, ready to depose the cardinal and save the planet.

As the marines readied for their attack the cardinal gave a speech, talking of the divine retribution that would destroy their oppressors and speaking prophecies of burning skies and the end of the Angels.

Four hours before the planned assault of the city the 3,000 servitors gifted to the marines at the time of their arrival detonated the exterminatus grade weaponry in the Scarred Angels’ fleet above, causing the desruction of all 6 strike cruisers and one forge ship and the near destruction of the battle barge Storm of Divinity and the other forge ship, both of which were forced to withdraw to the moons of Atopia VI due to fire from Atopia IV’s orbital defence network. They were unable to return to Atopia IV for another year due to the encroaching warp storm which made even local travel dangerous.

In a final turn of spite the PDF assembled on the flank of the Angels, some 1 million men at arms with over 20,000 various tanks. The Scarred Angels were forced to retreat to the undamaged (the servitors there were removed following the events in orbit) fortress monastery of Inertia. Here Durrohk and the Angels remained for three months, biding their time and preparing to weather the storm that was soon to come. Indeed there was a literal sense to this as it was early in the year that the Warp storm became dangerously close to the planet and the sky became a sickly red colour and the winds blew thunder and lightning across the plains.

The cardinal, now comfortable that the marines had been silenced, began producing anti imperial propaganda and recruiting a large number of the populace into so called peace bringers, a simple militia of fanatics ready to die for the cardinal. This combined with the PDF now loyal to him enabled him to finally give in to the apparent public demands and besieged the Fortress monastery, finally ready to deliver the coup de grace to the Scarred Angels and bring about a world at the taking for his master.

Durrohk however had not been lax and indeed had been in fear of this since first being banished from the city. Indeed for a year now the 10th company had been dispersed around the planet and were stirring up opposition to the cardinal among those loyal to the emperor. Eventually it was calculated that about 4,000 militia could be relied upon the help the marines in the war.

Initially this was just distributing information leaflets educating the population and indeed 10 suicide guerrillas were able to seize the planet media centre and broadcast the marine’s footage of the assassination attempt for 3 straight hours before detonating themselves in the face of capture and torture in the catacombs of the temples of the world.

However as the Cardinal marshalled his forces all the militia had to learn the arts of guerrilla warfare from the scouts, indeed in some cases parts of the codex astartes were distributed to the militia to try and help them. However it soon became apparent that they could not be relied upon to turn the tables of the war themselves and the chapter had to take decisive action to end the chaos on the world.

3 months after being blocked off by the warp storm the cardinal announced that in nine days the end of the world would come and began to create a death cult of fanatics, mostly made up of the released heretics from the prison, the insane and the desperate. Each day he made a more horrific speech, talking about the shifting of mountains and the rain of blood, of children being born half man and half beast and of rivers of vomit scarring the landscape. He blamed the Scarred Angels for all of this.

On the 8th day the marines of the Scarred Angels finally faced the cardinal, Chapter master Durrohk rode out to meet the leader of the PDF besieging him and begged him to see reason. He and his command squad were never heard of again and Captain Tarren of the 6th company became acting Chapter master, closely advised by the rest of the chapter leadership. However there had been other moves by the chapter in the time leading up to this. As the newer marines came from the moons around Atopia VI they were well versed in the skills of mining and under their guidance the 2nd 3rd 4th 5th and 1st companies had tunnelled 200 miles from the fortress monastery all the way to the sewers of the capital city. 3 hours before the final speech roughly 500 marines took over the cathedral and announced that the cardinal in his heresy and his evil had been deposed, in retaliation however which ever master the Cardinal served again brought him back to the world of the living and his decapitated head made a final speech to the crowds that had gathered in the courtyard. The final message was so horribly it made those in the audience weep and vomit at the mere sound of it and when it ended the sky rained blood. The mark of chaos was upon the world.

The Storm

Following the attack on the cathedral the PDF immediately attempted to storm the monastery, despite the heavy defences and the reserve companies performed admirably, cutting down swathes of the guardsmen and pilling the corpses into a curtain wall of bones before the gates of Inertia.

When the rain of blood came and the world began to become a daemon world the Scarred Angels reeled. They thought the cardinal was a heretic but did not see this as the fruition of his master’s plans. However their plans remained, they must hold the cathedral and the monastery at all costs against the population of the world until the warp storm subsided and the Storm of Divinity could leave the system and get aid. Only now they feared no immorality in cutting down the Cardinal’s followers, they were warp touched and only cleansing fire could save their immortal souls. Indeed only the families and soldiers of the resistance militia who came to the cathedral, via the sewers as instructed, found any life for themselves during the time of the storm.

The storm that happened after the rain of blood drove most of the world mad. The mountains shifted and the rivers ran with vomit. Before the gates of Inertia the guns of the reserve companies cut down the PDF forces as they screamed in horror at their bodies warping around them and became so mad they devoured each other alive in a frenzy of hatred and hunger.

As anarchy reigned through the world and the torrent of blood continued it became apparent that the plans Durrohk had put in place were incredibly out dated. As the daemons began to appear from the bodies of the death cultists and great rifts were opened on the plains it became apparent that the danger was not on the fields before Inertia but rather in the cities and that wherever the Angels went they must be together else the sheer numbers of enemies before them would be their downfall. Thus Tarren ordered the reserve companies through the tunnels to the Cathedral, were the Scarred Angels to fall before chaos they would do so in the house of the emperor and on hallowed ground. The evacuation of Inertia was almost complete but the ground moved under the pains of the warp that had taken it and the 9th company and roughly 400 serfs were trapped behind the Tunnels. The 9th company were take from the emperors due pre-mortem by the chaplains and ordered to die standing. Those among the 9th company repainted their armour black to signify that they were dead and manned the battlements, ready to sell themselves dearly should battle find them on Atopia IV.

With the Arrival of the 3 reserve companies and the return of most of the 10th and their militia a perimeter was manned around the cathedral, the 9 companies rotated their positions with the 6 battle companies each taking one of the 3 grand entranced to the cathedral between two companies, who would then alternate to ensure no marine had to suffer the horrors of the dying world for more than an hour at a time. The 10th company and the men of the militia and the serfs of the monastery protected the tunnels sewers and catacombs from the horrors that came from beneath, the men of the militia were said to have been the most valiant at times, to walk through the catacombs of reanimated relatives and warp spawned horrors and battling the evils which they were never expected to, out of love for the god emperor and their families in the cathedral above. The 1st and 8th companies, being unsuited to combat behind defences, manned counter attacks where ever daemon legions surged forth in the place of deranged mutants and the insane heretics.

As the world buckled under the warp the masters of the chapter counselled each other in the cathedral as the battle raged on around them, out of honour the leader of the militia was present, sitting in the place of the captain of the 9th company in honour of the sacrifice of the 9th and the duty of the militias underground. For one month they had held up within the Cathedral and although the marines could cope with the lack of food the stockpiles of the militia were empty and the ammunition of the bolters were running dry, on the east quadrant, where most of the insane had attacked from due to the position of cathedral in the west of the city, the marines were mostly resorting to combating the horrors with battle knives and bolt pistol butts and the 8th company had been forced to be stationed there to prevent the line falling.

The decision was twofold, they could attempt to summon outside aid via a message from the librarians which due to the warp storm would require all their power, however this could take years to arrive and they might be all dead by that point. The Chief librarian suggested another option. Through their combined might the chief librarian believed that the librarium could tear shut the rip in the warp which although dangerous would stop the ever increasing legions of daemons and allow the Storm of Divinity to be able to follow its orders and get aid. However there were many dangers, of the surge of daemons that would flow through as they were drawn by the librarium’s psychic presence, of them opening the rift further and pulling the world through the fabric of the universe into the eye of terror, and of the risk of daemonic possession and a life trapped within their own bodies.

With a vote settled only by the chief librarian’s vote to serve his chapter in closing the rift it was decided that in 2 days time, on the anniversary of the emperor’s ascension the librarium would close the rift and the chapter would be ready for the final battle.

A Glorious End

The ritual itself took 10 hours, from the very onset of the attuning of their powers to one another the attacks of the cathedral became much more vicious and frequent.

One hour into the ritual it was revealed that a force of great unclean ones had burst from the bodies of one of the militia patrols and half the remaining 10th company and militia had been spent defeating them, the captain of recruits himself dying when he detonated the charges in the sewers, sealing the tunnels off from attack from outside. The remaining militia were told to watch the earth of the blocked catacombs and the remaining civilians were put under their direct watch. The rest of the 10th were put in sniping position on the roof and rained death from their bolters onto the hordes outside.

Three hours into the ritual a plague swept through the city and the thousands of diseased bodies reanimated outside the cathedral, the first company sallied forth and crushed the plague zombies under their adamantium shod boots.

Four hours into the ritual the earth in the catacombs shifted and a force of mutants attacked and ravaged the civilians within the catacombs, the chief chaplain and the dreadnought Brother Hurin ignited the reserve promethium in the catacombs and the smell of burnt flesh reeked throughout the cathedral ever more, Brother Hurin himself ripped apart the walls of the catacombs and caused a collapse of masonry, strong enough, combined with his own adamantine shell that was caught in the fall, in to prevent any more forces of chaos attacking that way.

Six hours into the ritual a flare finally came up from the north, indicating that the fortress was almost fallen and its dead defenders were under the thought that they would be soon defeated.

Eight hours into the ritual the lines on the east were finally broken and the remnants of the perimeter were all ordered inside the cathedral and the great doors shut to the horrors outside. The 10th company on the roof began to report horrendous daemons to be moving towards the doors and daemon engines tearing through the streets.

Ten hours into the ritual just as it was almost complete horrors broke the door and flying daemons tore through the windows, carcasses of the 10th company who had locked themselves on the roof began to fall from the parapets. The roughly 200 marines remaining in the cathedral opened up with a harmonic chorus of holy bolter fire, lead in a battle cry by the Chief Chaplain and a mighty crescendo tore through the building as the Inertia self destructed, the shockwave reaching even the cathedral and shattering the bones of many of the minor mutants piling into the cathedral.

Finally a great light burnt the eyes of the marine still alive and they all dropped to their knees as the librarium one by one immolated themselves and the sky brightened and the light of the Atopia sun shone once more. The daemons marching through the cities faded into shadows as they were cut off from the warp and the mutants and heretics all screamed as the light blinded them and burnt their skin.

Their prayers answered the Scarred Angels arose to see a dead world, nought but the lost and the dammed remained, with little threat to the Angels still alive as the heretics were now so mutated few could survive the light of the star or even the moon of Atopia IV.

The Storm of Divinity disobeyed the orders to get aid as they had repaired sufficiently to survive the orbital defences even if they hadn’t been torn apart by the warp storm. Instead they began an immediate thunder hawk extraction and the 150 marines neither dead soon from their wounds nor perished in the death of the world were well met by the 50 stationed aboard the Storm of Divinity.

Survival and the Future

With the majority of their chapter dead, the entire librarium dead, most of the command dead and the fleet almost entirely scuttled the future was almost empty for the Scarred Angels, they would not be able to survive another encounter and lacked a high command or any sense of direction. They would surely have been absorbed into another chapter were it not for the intervention of Inquisitor Lord Mahrus who was keen on studying the death of the world, as there has rarely been an account of a survivor of a daemon world.

In return for their testimony the inquisitor lord was able to requisition the chapter another two strike cruisers and provide them with a small quantity of geneseed (through contacts within the Adeptus Mechanicum) to ensure their survival in the long term. The Inquisitor Lord parted ways after the delivery of the testimony, the Angels were forced to vow not to speak of his aid but have since scoured the stars in search of what the Inquisitor Lord has done with this information, as of the 41st millennium he has yet to be found but still a small detatchment search for any word of him, wile some with the chapter already fear that his intentions were perhaps more malicious. Regardless should the Scarred Angels find the Inquisitor or whoever he was, it may not end well.

It would be another 400 years until the Scarred Angels would be able to recover from their losses and be able to engage in even small scale combat across the galaxy. In that time they built a monument to each Marine that died on the surface of Atopia IV in the exact place they died and they never forgot the sacrifice made.

Later History

Following the events of Atopia IV the Scarred Angels were generally isolationist. They remained in the fringes during the age of apostasy and the plague of unbelief- unwilling to relive the fall of their homeworld. They have however served with honour and glory for over 9 millennia and have repeatedly fought against the forces of chaos throughout the galaxy. In the 13th black crusade they fought as an entire chapter to prevent the defilement and fall of a similar world to Atopia IV from the forces of the Word Bearers but were to late due to the distance from their homeworld to make a substantial difference to the war.

Homeworld

After the fall of Atopia IV the now Chapter Master Tarren (who had survived the cathedral with honour) decided to build a new fortress monastery on the 5th moon of Atopia VI, a barren rock from where they could always see their loss in the night’s sky.

The recruitment methods of the Scarred Angels before and after the events of Atopia IV remained the same. They recruit from the hardy mining stock of Atopia VI’s moons which suffer from frequent and severe food shortages due to the ecliptic orbit of Atopia VI. This means that in the semi-feudal and savage clans that mine the barren rocks out of instinct these food shortages immediately lead to savage violence over the remaining food and in some cases cannibalism. The Scarred Angels recruit from those among the clans that continue to act with honour during these times of hardship, not resorting to cannibalism or theft from the weak.

Following being chosen by the seeming saviours of the Scarred Angels a recruit is immediately made into a scout equivalent marine and placed on the 6th moon of Atopia VI. This moon was scoured of all life by virus bombing in the events around the end of the Horus heresy and except for its rich atmosphere and generally survivable (although extreme winters) conditions is unliveable due to it’s lack of anything edible. So the recruit is generally placed on the moon along with half a dozen grox spread across the moon. The recruit is expected to survive for an unmentioned period of time, through the freezing winters and phases of radiation. The survival rate is relatively high for marine trials however it’s importance is that it places within the marine the strength to always continue through the cold and empty world, with nothing but faith that one day the clouds will clear and salvation will be had. This is a strength that has served the Scarred Angels well

Combat Doctrine

The Scarred Angels adhere to the Codex Astartes closely in combat, however due to the depopulation of their chapter following the Atopia IV incident they carry a large number of Apothecaries due to fear that they will ever loose that much geneseed again.

In battle they tend to rely on ordered and well versed bolter fire to bring them victory, their scouts tend to forsake the use of sniper rifles in favour of bolters but still use their skills of subterfuge and stealth to bring about victory.

It took the Scarred Angels several hundred years to recover from their losses in arms, the heavy equipment lost with the destruction of Inertia was unable to be salvaged and the husks of the strike cruisers about Atopia IV still orbit the planet, generally unable to be saved.

Never the less, testament to their resilient geneseed the Scarred Angels worked tirelessly to recover their losses and now regularly use heavy armour to cover their advance on the battlefield

Indeed the Scarred Angels now boast an impressive armoury of newer ships and battle tanks. The Storm of Divinity remains their flagship but is now accompanied by a further seven strike cruisers and two dozen escorts. This has enabled them to bring battle to their enemies where ever they lie.

Organisation

The Organisation of the Scarred Angels however is somewhat different to that of normal codex chapters. No reserve companies are present, and although they have the same composition as codex companies they do not hesitate to deploy the 8th company where a breakthrough is required, or the 9th company when a position must be held, rather than a battle company.

This means that several times during their recent history the Scarred Angels have been forced to withdraw from a conflict due to heavy casualties and the lack of reserves to draw upon. However countless times their methods of complete force have often brought wars and battles to a swift end.

Further more the 9th and 10th companies differ slightly from normal codex procedures. The 9th company are all painted black in reverence of those at ‘Inertia’ and admittance to the 9th is only allowed to those with large battlefield experience but are somehow bereaved, for example having lost a large number of squad mates or having failed to protect something they are sworn to. In the 9th company they get their chance at redemption or death, behind a big gun. The 10th company is roughly 120 strong and contains 20 so called veteran scouts, this harks back to the scouts who survived the Atopia IV incident and remained as scouts there after.

Beliefs

The Scarred Angels would sooner die then see another world die because of them, and have repeatedly stood in the way of an exterminatus order and spent dozens of lives to scour a world of heresy, rather than risk the death of an innocent. This has earned them the contempt of a large portion of the administration and inquisition who despise them as idealists who are wasting time and ruining the bigger picture. They are however respected by some of their fellow chapters of space marines who respect their self sacrifice as the divine duty and destiny of space marines, likewise imperial guard regiments are relieved to see Scarred Angels as their support in an engagement as they have a reputation for being honourable and uncompromising in their support of humanity.

However following Atopia the Scarred Angels are fully aware of the fallibility of humanity and so remain distant whenever possible, often leaving a battle group if politics begins to come into play or simply staying away from other agents of the Imperium unless called upon.

Geneseed

From Dorn stock and so lacks the Sus’an Membrane and the Betcher’s Gland. However following their founding it was found that the geneseed had interfered with the Larraman’s Organ within the recruits, this caused even small quantities of physical contact to scar the recruits over time until their entire body was a network of scars just from putting on their battle armour or shaking hands. This caused the Scarred Angels to be renamed, from their original Dawn Blades much to the appeasement of the original chapter master, who apparently never liked the name.

Battle Cry

Carry the fire, unto the end of time, unto the end of life

– Oath Prior to Battle

We have run for two millennia, we have fled through the stars reclaiming what we can for two millennia, for two millennia we have been forced to retake what was lost. I am done running, I am ready to die defending what little we have, if our deaths are forgotten and our master of terra torn from his throne I do not care because this day I will have died with honour, with glory and without fear – I will have died a space marine. For the Emperor and For Dorn! … READY BOLTERS… FIRE!

– Chief Chaplain at the breaking of the Cathedral Gates, died of wounds during thunderhawk extraction.

[NightrawenII]

As the first one to comment your IA, I have the (dubious ;) ) honour to point you to the Guide to DIYing and the excellent and ever-knowing Octaguide.

 

I will not comment the story you made here, because I didn't bother to read it. Why?; do you ask? Because a IA is not about story of your Chapter. The IA is essay on the Nature of the Chapter.

 

::The stories are fine and propa' in the sidebars, and their purpose is to emphasise certain trait of your Chapter, talk about important person with regards to your Chapter or just boast about significant victory in the Chapter history.::

 

With this in mind, you have fallen in same pitfall like many Liberites before, your IA talk a lot about What, Where and How your marines fought, but less about Who are the Scarred Angels.

 

My advice is:

Drop the huge wall of text. Mention the Fall of Atopia only briefly; we don't need nor reguire to know every detail about this incident.

Focus on the nature of your Chapter; What drives the Scarred Angels? How they interact with W40k universe? How the Fall of Atopia affect them? etc. etc.

 

Now onto more specific comments:

They chose the Atopia region in the far segmentum tempestus and set the battle barge ‘inertia’ down in the high grounds of the local cardinal world to be the fortress-monastery.

Eh, no.

Cardinal World is in fiefdom of Ecclesiarchy, and it's very questionable if the Chapter wiould be allowed to recruit here, especially given the friction between the Astartes and Ministorum.

 

This means that in the semi-feudal and savage clans that mine the barren rocks out of instinct cannibalism and war for food is a constant fear during this years. The Scarred Angels recruit from those among the clans that survive honourably, never lowering themselves to dishonour and staving before they loose their honour and pride.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't understand a bit. :P

 

They are however respected by the more forgiving Space Marine chapters who see it as a great honour to protect humanity at any cost,

Some may question your right to destroy ten billion people.

Those who understand realise that you have no right to let them live!

+++ In Exterminatus Extremis +++

 

– Chief Chaplin at the breaking of the Cathedral Gates, died of wounds during thunderhawk extraction.

Chaplain. :P

[soddinnutter]

That kicked so much ass.

 

Best description of deamon world ever.

 

I honestly can not see any flaws in it at this time.

[what?]

Okay I've fiddled around a bit, I increased the combat doctrine part and clarified a few points that were raised. I have however left the story in for now, I realised as I wrote it that it wouldnt fit in a sidebox but continued anyway because it is a major point in the chapter's history.

[NightrawenII]

I have however left the story in for now, I realised as I wrote it that it wouldnt fit in a sidebox but continued anyway because it is a major point in the chapter's history.

Well, if you don't want pearls of my wisdom, it can't be helped. ;)

 

The Scarred Angels recruit from those among the clans that continue to act with honour during these times of hardship, not resorting to cannibalism or theft from the weak.

Oh, I understand it now, except it doesn't make sense at all. B)

 

Strong prosper on the behalf of weak. That's the law of the nature. What is the point of power, if you starve to the death? Seriously, why do your Chapter want such high-hatters?

 

BTW, Do you know what is hunger?

[what?]

because they recruit less based on strength and more based on purity. The hardship and the starvation are the factors that influence that the recruits are strong and capable, the 'high-hatters' as you put it are recruited because it shows the strength of character and the purity that the scarred angels demand.

 

I guess I havent made it clear enough in the ia that the scarred angels prize honour and morality above strength. I'll look to see where I can make it more clear.

 

hunger (plural hungers)

 

1. A need or compelling desire of food.

[what?]

double post my bad

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Wow. You have a lot of history.

 

It really hurts me to tell you that some sentences sound a little clumsy and run-onish. The problem is only in the beginning of the article, so you don't have to redo your entire IA.

 

You should tell us more on how these actions have shaped the Angels though. Ok, they lost almost everything trying and failing to save their homeworld, so are they bitter? Do they search for penance for their failure? Do they search specificly for doomed worlds that might be saved so that others don't have to deal with what they did? Do they sympathise more or less?

 

A good way to help make character is to imagine speaking to a Scarred Angel. What would he say? What would his tone be?

[what?]

thanks for your feedback. And yeah I do have trouble with sentance construction when writing as I get quite worked up and into the flow of it.

I will definately build on the points you brought up as soon as I have the time, thanks.

[Brother Argent]

Okay so I haven't been able to read the whole thing (it is quite large) That said what I did read was interesting. You seem to be doing your utmost to portray the Imperium as the bad guys as much a possible, which is strange for a Chapter I thought was supposed t obe loyalist. If it were me I would probably drop all the talk of the 'Heresy' of encouraging free thought and love I personally believe that on most Imperial worlds people are made to beleive they have it really good as far as personal freedom and the like goes. After all they don't know the truth if they have never known any different. That is the true threat of the Tau, is that they show them a different way. Anyway, I will try ot get bak to this to give you a detailed run down in the near future.

[what?]

I was trying to go as grim dark as possible, I was also quite influenced by the new IA book which describes the marines exemplar I think of visciously putting down rebellion that had tried to bring in democracy and human rights, but yeah the story bit is a mix of that with a bit of the vraks storyline mixed in