Index Astartes: Scions of Light

[Ferrus Manus]

Well, I feel like I've been out of the Liber loop for too long. So what better way to get back involved than to write an Index Astartes article? As you'll all know, that's easier said than done. And, frankly, I couldn't come up with anythng fresh or remotely new and interesting. So I looked backward, re-reading all the IAs I've written in the past, and some of them are down right awful, and I came across the Scions of Light. They were one of the few IAs I actually ever finished, and since the original thread is over two years old, I decided to re-vamp them. The article is pretty massive, not far shy of 4000 words, so I'm going to post it in chunks. Plus, it will give me time to re-write bits I'm not happy with.

 

So anyway, enough rambling from me. Here it is. C&C welcome as always, and please, feel free to rip it to shreds like I know all of you blood-hungry Liberites want to <_<

 

Index Astartes: Scions of Light

 

Origins

 

By the standards of the Imperium, the Scions of Light are a relatively young chapter; born during the era of the 22nd Founding. As with every other founding, various gene-stocks were removed from the vaults deep below Mars’ surface. Each designated to one of the newly formed Chapters. For the Scions, the lineage of Dorn was chosen; cultivated from the gene-tithes of the Angels of Glory Chapter. From the Angels, Brother-Captain Lucius Aurelio was chosen to mentor the newly born brotherhood. Aurelio was the epitome of an Angel of Glory – prideful, herculean, and praise-worthy; and soon enough, the young Chapter could have been called the same.

 

Over the following centuries, the Chapter won many laurels and honours; and with each glory won their pride grew. During this time, the Scions grew especially close to their parent Chapter, the Angels of Glory; to the point that each of the Chapter’s brethren painted their left gauntlet gold in the Angel’s honour. Some amongst the Inquisition grew wary of the two Chapters; having two powerful military forces being so intertwined could potentially become a problem for the Imperium if anything was to go awry. Unfortunately for the Scions, the Inquisition’s fears were slowly proving to be true.

 

It began with the Purging of the Pleasure Fortress of Arch-Fiend Metrovich, devotee of Slaanesh. Both Chapters descended upon the planet with righteous fury in their eyes and devotion in their hearts. The Angels of Glory took the brute of the fighting – thus they took a larger proportion of the casualties; including their Chapter Master. The Pleasure Fortress was annihilated and every traitor was put to the sword, at a cost of hundreds of Astartes. With heavy souls both Chapters returned to orbit and moved to the next battlefield. From then on, the Scions began to notice a great change in the mood and practice of their brother Chapter. With every war, the Scions watched as the Angels committed greater and greater acts of debauchery upon their foes; with broken hearts the Scions just watched, never acting against the warriors they idolized so. However, even such sycophantism has its limits…

 

Nearly three centuries after the destruction of the Pleasure Fortress, the Scions of Light were ordered to the planet Goran; their mission was to defend the Mechanicus Exploratory team whilst they were excavating crypts lost since the time of the Emperor’s Great Crusade. Whilst the Scions carried out their duty, the Angels of Glory appeared on the system’s outer reaches in their entirety. They requested that the Scions leave the planet so that they may reclaim a relic of Rogal Dorn’s, by force if necessary. For the Scions, this was a step too far. They couldn’t stand aside this time lest they be named Excommunicate. With that, the Scions of Lights prepared to defend the planet from their once closest brethren.

 

The War for Goran lasted just over three and a half weeks, and is still known as one of the Scion’s most bloody conflicts, many millennia later; more than half of the Chapter was slaughtered by their betrayers. Many battle honours and laurels were won by the brethren of the Scions, but each act of valour was matched by an act of great depravity. It was clear that the Angels of Glory had fallen to the lure of Chaos, thus none were allowed to live. The battle in orbit had been just as fierce, both fleets matching the fury of the war on the planet’s surface. Ships that dated back to the time of the Great Heresy were obliterated by torpedoes and laser batteries. It was a close run thing but, by the will of the Emperor, the Scions came out on top. The Chapter tried to use this to their advantage. Ground down by the continuous warfare, even the limits of Astartes endurance was tested. As such, the Scions were ordered back to their fleet after which the Chapter conducted a thorough orbit bombardment of the planet – resulting in the utter destruction of the Angels of Glory and their shameful removal from the annuls of honour. The battle had been won, but at great cost.

 

Goran had been razed to the ground. Its surface was scorched earth and huge crevasses caused by the momentous forces brought to bear on the planet’s surface. The chapter had been forced to burn more than half their stocks of geneseed in the firestorm. Its people had been decimated, only a quarter of the population was left alive, each was gore splattered and haunted by the vile acts they had witnessed. In memory of the lives lost, the Chapter took Goran as its homeworld; re-naming it to Lemnos – the Burning Planet. They decreed that only the brotherhood of the Chapter would be permitted to walk its surface ever again, and thus after building a shrine of the purest white marble the Chapter began down the long road of building their strength.

 

Unfortunately, the War for Goran didn’t go unnoticed, even within a blinded empire such as the Imperium. Within mere weeks of victory, the Scions were placed under Inquisitorial investigation and examined to the man. Those who had been suspicious of the Chapter in the past saw this as a perfect excuse to make an example of them. The Chapter were ordered on a two century penitent crusade to rebuke them for their actions, or lack of. Such dishonour in spite of their acts of loyalty did not sit well with the Chapter, thus relations with the Inquisition are strained even now.

[Shinzaren]

Due to the disastrous results of the previous ‘Cursed’ Founding, the High Lords of Terra deemed it prudent to emplace rigorous purity checks on the geneseed that was to be used in this glorious event.

This sounds similar to the Castigators. Not bad by any means, just something I noticed.

 

For the Scions, the lineage of Dorn was chosen; cultivated from the gene-tithes of the Angels of Glory Chapter. From the Angels, Brother-Captain Lucius Aurelio was chosen to mentor the newly born brotherhood. Aurelio was the epitome of an Angel of Glory – arrogant, prideful and egotistical; and soon enough, the young Chapter could have been called the same.

If the Angels are all these things, why would the HLoT use their gene-seed? Why not use a more rooted and humble chapter?

 

It began with the Purging of the Pleasure Fortress of Arch-Fiend Metrovich, devotee of Slaanesh. Both Chapters descended upon the planet with righteous fury in their eyes and devotion in their hearts. The Angels of Glory took the brute of the fighting – thus they took a larger proportion of the casualties; including their Chapter Master. The Pleasure Fortress was annihilated and every traitor was put to the sword, at a cost of hundreds of Astartes. With heavy souls both Chapters returned to orbit and moved to the next battlefield. From then on, the Scions began to notice a great change in the mood and practice of their brother Chapter. With every war, the Scions watched as the Angels committed greater and greater acts of debauchery upon their foes; with broken hearts the Scions just watched, never acting against the warriors they idolized so. However, even such sycophantism has its limits…

I understand that the Angels of Glory are the catalyst for a lot of your Scion's future issues/theme, but right now it is making want to hear more about the Angels, and less about the Scions. That could just be me though...

 

Nearly half a millennium after the destruction of the Pleasure Fortress, the Scions of Light were ordered to the planet Goran; their missions was to defend the Mechanicus Exploratory team whilst they excavating crypts lost since the time of the Emperor’s Great Crusade.

Mission <_< Should be either "were excavating" or excavated. Just to keep tense the same ;)

 

Whilst carrying out their duty, the Angels of Glory appeared on the system’s outer reaches in their entirety. They requested that the Scions leave the planet so that they may reclaim a relic of Rogal Dorn’s, by force if necessary. For the Scions, this was a step too far. They couldn’t stand aside this time lest they be named Excommunicate. With that, the Scions of Lights prepared to defend the planet from their once closest brethren.

This sounds like the Angels of Glory were carrying out their duty, and then showed up. Perhaps clarify who was doing what duty?

 

Many battle honours and laurels were won by the brethren of the Scions, but each act of valour was matched by an act of great depravity. It was clear that the Angels of Glory had fallen to the lure of Chaos, thus none were allowed to live. The battle was won from orbit. Ground down by the continuous warfare, even the limits of Astartes endurance was tested. As such, the Scions were ordered back to their fleet after which the Chapter conducted a thorough orbit bombardment of the planet – resulting in the utter destruction of the Angels of Glory and their shameful removal from the annuls of honour. The battle had been won, but at great cost.

Why didn't the Angels take to the skies as well when they saw the Scions retreat? Why just stay on the planet and get hammered? If the entire Angels fleet showed up, how did the Scions do well enough in space to have their ships in position for a bombardment. I would think the majority of the battle would be fought in space, with bloody boarding actions being the norm. After all, why put marines on the ground, when your enemy is still in space?

 

Goran had been raised to the ground.

Razed :P Not built up haha ;)

 

Its surface was scorched earth and huge crevasses caused by the momentous forces brought to bear on the planet’s surface. The chapter had been forced to burn more than half their stocks of geneseed in the firestorm. Its people had been decimated, only a quarter of the population was left alive, each was gore splattered and haunted by the vile acts they had witnessed. In memory of the lives lost, the Chapter took Goran as its homeworld; re-naming it to Lemnos – the Burning Planet. They decreed that only the brotherhood of the Chapter would be permitted to walk its surface ever again, and thus after building a shrine of the purest white marble.

Would the small quarter that was left be able to offer enough recruits to rebuild a chapter from half strength?

 

Unfortunately, such an event as the War for Goran doesn’t go unnoticed, even within a blinded empire such as the Imperium. Within mere weeks of victory, the Scions were placed under Inquisitorial investigation and examined to the man. Such dishonour in spite of their acts of loyalty did not sit well with the Chapter, thus relations with the Inquisition are strained even now.

So they were vetted then? Perhaps mention that the same Inquisitors who held doubts before took this as proof of the Scion's misdeeds? Perhaps a Penitent Crusade or something? After all, if the Angels go traitor, and the Inquisitors suspected the Scions and Angels of being too close, I can't imagine that they wouldn't see the Angels' heresy as being the perfect excuse to take the Scions to task.

 

Still, I like the idea of two intertwined chapters, with one being the antagonist. Allows you to have a unique spin on the Chapter decimation, without sacrificing your own Marine to Chaos. Hopefully this gets expanded on and we can see more of them.

[Ferrus Manus]

This sounds similar to the Castigators. Not bad by any means, just something I noticed.

Fair enough, I'm not too happy with that bit anyway. I'm going to have a think over the weekend to see what I can replace it with.

 

If the Angels are all these things, why would the HLoT use their gene-seed? Why not use a more rooted and humble chapter?

Mostly because the IA only works if the HLoT pick the Angels :P

 

I understand that the Angels of Glory are the catalyst for a lot of your Scion's future issues/theme, but right now it is making want to hear more about the Angels, and less about the Scions. That could just be me though...

So are you saying I should tone down the AoG usage? Or is it just a personal thing?

 

Mission :P Should be either "were excavating" or excavated. Just to keep tense the same ;)

This sounds like the Angels of Glory were carrying out their duty, and then showed up. Perhaps clarify who was doing what duty?

Razed ;)

All noted, cheers.

 

Why didn't the Angels take to the skies as well when they saw the Scions retreat? Why just stay on the planet and get hammered? If the entire Angels fleet showed up, how did the Scions do well enough in space to have their ships in position for a bombardment. I would think the majority of the battle would be fought in space, with bloody boarding actions being the norm. After all, why put marines on the ground, when your enemy is still in space?

Well the idea was that the Scions would already be planetside helping the Admech. The AoG show up and things go to hell. Granted, I haven't mentioned the fleet situation, I'll add something in.

 

Would the small quarter that was left be able to offer enough recruits to rebuild a chapter from half strength?

I guess so, there is precedent with the Lamentors and the Crimson Fists.

 

So they were vetted then? Perhaps mention that the same Inquisitors who held doubts before took this as proof of the Scion's misdeeds? Perhaps a Penitent Crusade or something? After all, if the Angels go traitor, and the Inquisitors suspected the Scions and Angels of being too close, I can't imagine that they wouldn't see the Angels' heresy as being the perfect excuse to take the Scions to task.

Good idea! :) I'll expand on this for the next edit.

 

Still, I like the idea of two intertwined chapters, with one being the antagonist. Allows you to have a unique spin on the Chapter decimation, without sacrificing your own Marine to Chaos. Hopefully this gets expanded on and we can see more of them.

I'm glad you like them. I am aiming to get these guys in the Librarium - granted that's a way into the future yet. If you want to have a look at the general direction I'll be going in (granted, a few things I am going to change) then have a search for the last article I wrote for them. It's nothing special, don't say I didn't warn you ;)

[Shinzaren]

So are you saying I should tone down the AoG usage? Or is it just a personal thing?

I'm not sure. Right now the Angels are providing so much of the Origins, that it divides the focus of the IA. It seems to be as much or more about them and how awesome they were, and then how bad they were. But that could just be me :D

[Tyrannicide]

A fun read, Ferrus!

 

Here's a few things I wanted to say.

 

From the Angels, Brother-Captain Lucius Aurelio was chosen to mentor the newly born brotherhood. Aurelio was the epitome of an Angel of Glory – arrogant, prideful and egotistical; and soon enough, the young Chapter could have been called the same.

We get it. The Angels of Glory are absolutely considered part of the Space Marine Jerks Club. Find a couple different adjectives or write that part differently maybe. I like the use of prideful, so maybe something like "prideful, herculean, and praise-worthy..."

 

Over the following decades and centuries, the Chapter won many laurels and honours; and with each glory won their pride grew.

Sounds awkward, let's pick one or the other. Or be completely obscure and say "years", haha.

 

Nearly half a millennium after the destruction of the Pleasure Fortress, the Scions of Light were ordered to the planet Goran; their missions was to defend the Mechanicus Exploratory team whilst they excavating crypts lost since the time of the Emperor’s Great Crusade.

The Horus Heresy lasted less than a decade. If we want to go further back to the roots of the war, it starts with the Word Bearers who fell to Chaos within less than half a century. So while I understand that it makes a big impression to say that the Angels were slowly allured by Chaos for five-hundred years, it seems like a very, very lengthy time for the Scions of Light to sit by idle or unaware of the changes taking place within their brother Chapter.

 

Goran had been raised to the ground. Its surface was scorched earth and huge crevasses caused by the momentous forces brought to bear on the planet’s surface. The chapter had been forced to burn more than half their stocks of geneseed in the firestorm. Its people had been decimated, only a quarter of the population was left alive, each was gore splattered and haunted by the vile acts they had witnessed. In memory of the lives lost, the Chapter took Goran as its homeworld; re-naming it to Lemnos – the Burning Planet. They decreed that only the brotherhood of the Chapter would be permitted to walk its surface ever again, and thus after building a shrine of the purest white marble.

Just awesome writing, man. You've improved so much since you first started writing IA articles.

 

Unfortunately, such an event as the War for Goran doesn’t go unnoticed, even within a blinded empire such as the Imperium. Within mere weeks of victory, the Scions were placed under Inquisitorial investigation and examined to the man. Such dishonour in spite of their acts of loyalty did not sit well with the Chapter, thus relations with the Inquisition are strained even now.

And this however sounds a bit weird. Perhaps the present-tense writing can be altered:

 

"Unfortunately, such an event as the War for Goran doesn’t go unnoticed..." ---> "Unfortunately, the War for Goran didn't go unnoticed..."

 

It just sounds better to me, that's all.

 

 

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I enjoyed reading the Origins section of the article and while their is room to improve the writing and tighten up the details, this is a good start. :)

[Ferrus Manus]

Hey Darth! Nice to see you around again mate.

 

I've edited all the wording and grammar points. Thanks for those.

 

The Horus Heresy lasted less than a decade. If we want to go further back to the roots of the war, it starts with the Word Bearers who fell to Chaos within less than half a century. So while I understand that it makes a big impression to say that the Angels were slowly allured by Chaos for five-hundred years, it seems like a very, very lengthy time for the Scions of Light to sit by idle or unaware of the changes taking place within their brother Chapter.

True, but then would a Chapter have the same loyalty and love for its Chapter Master as the Legions did for their Primarchs? That and the Legions of old weren't indoctrinated the same way as modern day marines. So I'm not so sure.

 

Just awesome writing, man. You've improved so much since you first started writing IA articles.

Firstly, thanks for that. Secondly, the ironic thing was that reading the paragraph you quoted made me realise I hadn't finished the end sentence :P

 

EDIT: Updated the OP with the grammar and wording edits. The move in depth edits will follow this week, when I get more time.

EDIT2: Origins updated. 22/11/10