IA: Sons of Redemption. (V2.5 up)

[UltimateJake]

[center; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Sons of Redemption[/center]

Redemption is Salvation

http://i54.tinypic.com/ruscc0.jpg

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The campaign changed a great deal for the planet and resulted in the entire economy crashing. Now a majority of the population have turned to organized crime where selling illegal drugs constitutes a better pay than working in factories. Due to a very high crime rate, gang wars are all to common. The PDF of Redemption does not exist, however several low-grade militias have attempted to protect the planet from crime. The Adeptus Arbites are the only true military force that the government can count on to stop constant rioting and gang warfare. However, the Arbites themselves are severely outnumbered. In truth the strongest military presences on the planet are private armies controlled by rich Warlords and Nobles. Due to such massive threats it is all to common for the civilians of the planet to be left to fend for themselves against bloodthirsty gangers and mercenaries. Redemption is truly a lawless planet where the government is controlled by crime and corruption. The only reason the planet has not been the object of a crusade yet is due to the fact that the Redemptionists have already been waging war upon the surface for centuries that takes the form of a holy crusade to bring the populace into the Cult of Redemption. Since the Sons of Redemption took the world for there own the war has nearly been won with fully half of the population joining the cult.

The Chapter Monastery of the Sons of Redemption is a beautiful cathedral erected in the center of the Capital City Ortall. The Chapter Monastery is more of a place of worship than a base, however as the bulk of the equipment is distributed to the Battle-Barges since the entire chapter is on crusade. The Chapter Monastery is a glorious sight and considered one of the most divine places upon the planet. The Cathedral itself was the site of a great victory during the Talor Terror Campaigns where the remaining traitors were gunned down. The air around it is purified and the skies above it forever clear and clean. A spiritual garden surrounds the Chapter Monastery, increasing its beauty and magnifying the presence of faith. The Chapter Monastery itself is known as the Emperor's Eye due to the way it overlooks the entire city. All day speakers mounted upon the Cathedral sing hymns dedicated to the God-Emperor and tell stories of Saints. Public access is allowed at all times so others may cleanse there soul in prayer. No Astartes inhabit the monastery and not a single one has stepped foot upon Redemption since they embarked upon their crusade. The maintenance and defense falls to the few thousand serfs and servitors that inhabit it. The monastery is constantly packed with eager pilgrims. Redemptionists make sermons everyday to a bulging crowd of faithful followers. The Emperor's Eye is one of the few places where it is peaceful upon the war-torn world. It is a place where civilians flock to for safety due to the fact that a few hundred armed serfs patrol the corridors. No matter how powerful a Warlord or Noble gets, none dare risk battle in the shadow of the Emperor's Eye. To do so would bring the wrath of the chapter itself upon them. The Emperor's Eye may look large on the outside, however in reality it is much larger. The Monastery has several secret rooms in the tunnels below the massive structure. These tunnels are home to the equipment left by the Astartes and an arsenal left in the event of siege or invasion. However, the most sacred of these tunnels are the tomes where the fallen Battle-Brothers are inevitably returned when they die. The Astartes only set foot upon Redemption in death. It is a time of great celebration for the planet when the dead are dropped off for it means at least some Astartes have recieved the ultimate redemption. Not a single live Astartes will be seen during this as the burial rites are turned over to the ever faithful serfs and Redemptionists.

Tactical Marine

In truth it is also named the Emperor's Eye due to the fact that it houses the personal police force of the Sons of Redemption. Known as the Redeemers they are a highly equipped army designated to purging anyone they deem impure. It is the Redeemers who maintain that no shrine of the Emperor is desecrated by battle or any other unholy acts brought on by the population. Drug deals, fights, and other unsavory acts committed in front of a shrine will swiftly be dealt with the militant army of the Redeemers. The Redeemers also act as the first line of defense in the event of invasion. Redemption itself has several defenses in case the Terror Artisans ever return. Although the population is extremely divided and Redemption lacks a PDF several Warlords and Nobles have there own private armies. Although these armies only add to the problems of the planet they have also sworn to aid the planet in times of invasion. The most numerous defenders however would be the Cult of Redemption. The Redemptionists are a rabble lot, however they have been fighting a crusade upon the planet against the gangers ever since the Talor Terror Campaigns ended. Even the civilians of the planet are armed with autopistols or other crude weapons. Anyone attacking Redemption would face a ragged army of battle-hardened gangers, Redemptionists, and even civilians. Truly no one is safe upon the planet's surface except for those that find comfort in the Emperor's Eye. Redemption is orbited by a single moon known as Guardian. Guardian is home to a small defensive fleet and acts as a garrison to a small regiment of Imperial Guard. Redemption itself is not important, however due to its status as an Astartes home-world it requires some protection. Guardian is effectively a very large military base where transport ships are routinely checked. The resident Commissars of the regiment have attempted to put a halt on the smugglers that constantly expand the drug trade of Redemption, however they have very limited success. Some Guardsmen themselves have even joined in on the drug trade due to the high pay that many Nobles upon the world offer them. Despite its active participation in the drug trade, Guardian has remained as a first line of defense in the event of planetary invasion. The Guardsmen are not concerned about the anarchy upon the planet, but the anarchy that external forces might bring them.

BELIEFS

The Sons of Redemption are very zealous in redeeming themselves. They believe everyone should have a chance at redemption in the eyes of the God-Emperor. The God-Emperor is integral to there beliefs and see him as the ultimate savior of mankind. This has turned the Sons of Redemption to overzealous warriors who fight to please the God-Emperor and save mankind. Alongside the Emperor they revere Ferrus and the other loyalist Primarchs as the greatest of the Imperial Saints. Ferrus is so revered and honored that every member of the chapter, upon reaching the rank of Battle-Brother has both of his hands replaced with the bionic equivalents in honor of both the Primarch and the Iron Hands themselves.

The Sons of Redemption also have a deep hatred of failure and weakness in all its forms and constantly strive to purge themselves of it. This, like their parent legion, has led them to replacing entire limbs with mechanical equivalents in attempts to make them stronger and more disciplined. This in itself has garnered the attention of many who view it as an odd practice, however the Sons of Redemption see it as necessary. The chapter itself will utilize any weapons to win if it is feasible. Upon the battle-field civilians are used as bait and traps for the enemy. Entire cities will be levelled if it will deny the enemy of their objectives. The chapter is ruthless when it is on the battlefield and inferior Imperial units will inevitably be sacrificed if the mission calls for it. The Astartes view humans as weaklings who require their protection and the only remotely stomach-able ones are either in the military or Redemptionists. Everyone else are viewed as sinners. Other Astartes are viewed with both admiration and anger. None of their brethren in other chapters have accepted the redemption, however they still fight for the Imperium. The Chaplains themselves have tried many times to sway others into the Cult, however they are typically met with scorn from other chapters. The Chaplains preach to everyone in redeeming themselves. Occasionally it will result in thousands of inspired civilians and guardsmen, however most of the time it will only further alienate others from the chapter. Regardless of this the entire chapter itself continues to preach redemption to all who cross their path.

The Astartes are strict adherents to the Cult of Redemption. They focus solely on purging humanity's sins so that the God-Emperor may rise again from his Golden Throne when humanity is deemed pure enough. Like most Redemptionist Priests all Battle-Brothers are instructed to keep their face concealed when in the presence of others whom they see as infidels until they accept the redemption. Because of this even scouts and serfs are instructed to cover their faces with hoods or war-masks. The only time members of the chapter are permitted to show their faces is when they are in the midst of only brother Redemptionists. Battle-Brothers constantly strive to better themselves in the name of the Emperor. It is in the name of the Emperor that they seek to annihilate xenos, heretics, and mutants. Redemption is pain in the eyes of the chapter. If one has sinned then one must cleanse there flesh. Appropriately Astartes of the chapter will constantly participate in flagellations before battles to cleanse themselves. In the midst of battle, the Sons of Redemption seek to inflict as much pain as possible upon there foes. They don't seek to kill, they seek to maim and dismember in the bloodiest ways possible. Death is the only way traitors may redeem themselves. If traitors are ever found within the chapter or taken for interrogation purposes then they will be put through enough pain to drive them insane. Traitors will spend hours in the pain glove being driven insane by the sheer amount of agony inflicted. Battle-Brothers will brutally beat the traitor until the Chaplain himself comes in and executes the traitor himself. As a matter of fact Chaplains keep a tally of how many traitors they have tortured and executed. This tally is represented on power armour by purity scrolls inscribed with the marks of the tortured. They are a great pride amongst the Chaplains and very inspiring to the average Battle-Brothers.

COMBAT DOCTRINE

The Sons of Redemption are a savage force upon the battle-field, hacking and smashing through all opposition. Assault is the chapter's speciality with squads of marines charging headlong into battle usually in a massed force. These overwhelming tactics maximize the melee combat, but inevitably result in a high casualty rate. Combat drugs and bionic limbs are used to give Battle-Brothers an edge and the sheer ferocity needed for the horrors of battle. Devastator Squads are present and an important part of the chapter, however they are rarely equipped for long range fighting. As a fact most Devastator Squads are equipped with multi-meltas or other short range weapons that allow them to get as close as possible to the whirring combat where they will inevitably join in utilizing there own combat drugs. Chaplains themselves encourage the use of combat drugs due to the fact that they 'purge the warrior of weakness'. When the Sons of Redemption enter battle they are little more than raving berserkers who will use anything at there hands to kill the enemy. With such ferocity, friendly fire is inevitable. As such many Imperial Guard Generals keep there men away from the whirling death machines that are the Sons of Redemption. Civilians are ignored upon the battle and are even used as cover or bait when needed. With no care for civilians, scorched earth tactics are also in high use by the chapter when victory is impossible. Due to such bloody-mindedness the Sons of Redemption will rarely retreat. Often enemies find the only way to break the Sons of Redemption is to kill them all, which often results in heavy casualties for both sides. Some particularly rash members of the chapter have even been known to ignore orders of retreat in order to redeem themselves in a glorious last stand. More than often this results in the chapter suffering heavy casualties, however this is always balanced out due to the high recruitment rate amongst the chapter. The Sons of Redemption are also well known for the extensive contact they have with the Ordo Hereticus. They will not hesitate for offer forces in honor of burning heretics. The chapter also has strong ties with the Ecclesiarchy and are known for zealously protecting Shrine Worlds. This has garnered them a negative reputation amongst many chapters who see them as lap dogs to the Inquisition. Many chapters also refuse to fight alongside the Sons of Redemption seeing them as little more than raving savages.

ORGANIZATION

The Sons of Ferrus strictly followed the Codex at their founding up until the Talor Terror Campaign. When they became the Sons of Redemption the entire chapter was reorganized under the visions of the surviving Captains and High Chaplain Kadaras. These changes were made to ensure that none would fall to Chaos and all would redeem themselves. Librarians are completely absent from the chapter due to the Cult of Redemption proclaiming that being a psyker is a sin. Pyskers are only used as Astropaths and Navigators and only then after several purity checks by the Chaplains. Chaplains are an extremely integral part of the chapter and due to the chapter's extreme faith many veterans apply for training as Chaplains due to the honor of being one. As such the chapter has a high number of Chaplains with even the smallest task forces being accompanied by at least one at all times. The Chaplains are able to inspire and instill fear at the same time. Brothers found lacking in faith are promptly visited by Chaplains. Chaplains are always at the forefront of battle screaming for redemption and inspiring Battle-Brothers to greater feats. Techmarines are highly revered as well, however they are seen as less inspiring than the Chaplains. Although Techmarines are respected they are also seen as outcasts. They are rarely at the front of the fighting and typically off repairing something far off from the front lines. Apothecaries are both hated and revered in truth. Many a Battle-Brother have thought themselves close to redemption only to find themselves saved at the hands of a trained Apothecary. Similar to Apothecaries are the Dreadnoughts of the chapter. Having been founded during M36 the chapter has had a number of Astartes entombed into the Dreadnoughts. It is a bitter fate in the eyes of most. They wield the power of the mightiest warmachines, however they are kept in cryogenic stasis when not in battle. The older a dreadnought gets the more time they must spend in slumber. Redemption has been denied to most Dreadnoughts who will at best die after thousands of years. The worst fate is to fall in stasis almost constantly before redemption can be achieved.

The chapter itself is made up of five Great Companies each compromising of approximately two hundred marines. Each Great Company would have its own Scouts, Assault Squads, and Devastator Squads. Armour support is equally distributed amongst the Great Companies making each Great Company a formidable force. With such power amongst each Great Company no single Astartes is in charge. The Great Companies are be led by a Council made up of Chaplains, Techmarines, and the wisest veterans. Regardless an overall commander of the Great Company will be elected by the Council who will name him the Warleader. Warleaders are similar to Captains of the Codex Astartes, however their power is severely limited and screened by the Council of their Great Company. Although the Councils of Great Companies are extremely powerful they are not the governing body of the chapter. The Great Council rules over the lesser Councils and effectively the entire chapter itself. The Great Council is made up of the High Chaplain, the Chief Apothecary, and the Master of the Forge. Each Warleader also has a seat upon the Great Council alongside the chapters' oldest Dreadnoughts. The Great Council decide where the Great Companies fight and where the chapter is most needed. However, their most important job is choosing the Chapter Master who is known as the Deliverer due to the fact that he is supposed to deliver the chapter to their redemption. The Deliverer is effectively the highest rank in the chapter, however several checks and balances are in place so that he may not lead the chapter astray. Although the Deliverer is equivalent to the Chapter Master he is usually under control of the Great Council as well. The Deliverer is typically a figure-head of the Great Council who will control the strategy and deployment of the chapter. Although the Deliverer may speak his mind his words are always opinions and not orders. His true purpose is to inspire the chapter into redemption and lead them into campaigns were even victory is nigh impossible. The Deliverer must achieve what no Warleader would dream of. The Deliverer will lead the harshest of crusades and not stop until he has won. Victory will be chased after until his ultimate destruction. Even then another Deliverer will be appointed to do the same. Deliverers choose goals and campaigns that will take entire lifetimes or are likely nigh impossible. But, they will not stop until they have gained redemption for themselves and fully half of the Astartes under their command. To be a successful Deliverer is to be killed in a worthy way.

GENE-SEED

The gene-seed of the Sons of Redemption comes from the Red Talons who descended from the Iron Hands. Thus far they have remained pure. However, it can be argued that flaws have appeared in their gene-seed due to an unhealthy obsession with torturing traitors and going as far as mechanizing entire limbs to purge themselves of both failings and sin. They also have an extreme hatred of weakness, failure, and heresy going as far to execute brothers who they have deemed impure. Regardless of this they remained extremely zealous in there duties to the Emperor.

BATTLE-CRIES

"For Ferrus!"

"Redemption is your salvation!"

"Redemption has come!"

[UltimateJake]

Still no comments? Come on. I am waiting for someone to viciously rip it apart. ;)

[Ecritter]

First I'd like to say, I like the color scheme and chapter patch but I don't really think a mostly black badge will show up well on black armor.

 

The Sons of Redemption, originally known as the Sons of Ferrus, were founded from the geneseed of the Red Talons, a descendant chapter of the Iron Hands.

 

Renaming a Chapter is a really big deal, and should only be done after a major event. You have a major event ... but I wonder if its enough.

 

Also, I see nowhere in the history what founding this Chapter comes from.

 

It was the news of the fall of Talor that sent the chapter into a frenzy.

 

Why?

 

Thousands of daemons assaulted the Hive Worlds and the populace itself succumbed to taint.

 

I thought daemons were pretty rare ... is it realistic to have thousands here?

 

I highlighted a part I'll come back to later.

 

Sonos and his traitors would be annihilated, however not after much bloodshed.

 

What?

 

It was only by the sheer ferocity of the few chapters left that the war was won.

 

I think you mean Companies.

 

Although the chapter was devastated they would rebuild by recruiting from the survivors of Talor.

 

Back to the part I highlighted earlier.

 

Is it wise to recruit from a population that was completed taken by Chaos? I think not.

 

The Redemptionists seek to purge humanity of it's sins so that the God-Emperor may finally see that humanity worthy enough and step off his Golden Throne. Due to these beliefs witch burnings run rampant throughout the Hive Cities. Hooded priests stalk the streets screaming of the glory of the God-Emperor and urging everyone to purge themselves of sin by self mutilation.

 

I really feel that god-Emperor is better, but thats just me.

 

Also, the belief that the Emperor is a god by Space Marines is rare and needs to be explained.

 

Due to such massive threats it is all to common for the civillians of the planet to be left to fend for themselves against bloodthirsty gangers and mercenaries. Redemption is truly a lawless planet where the government is controlled by crime and corruption.

 

Now this fits the world taken by the taint of Chaos more then a world set on finding Redemption. (goes back to earlier problem.)

 

The only reason the planet has not been the object of a crusade yet is due to the fact that the Redemptionists have already been waging war upon the surface for centuries that takes the form of a holy crusade to bring the populace into the Cult of Redemption. Since the Sons of Redemption took the world for there own the war has nearly been won with fully half of the population joining the cult.

 

Timeframe doesn't really make sense.

 

- World fallen to Taint

- Space Marines arrive to fight Chaos

- War goes on for just several months

- Cult grows during war (as I read it)

- Post war, fallen to crime and internal conflict

- Marines take over (only a few months .. see the problem)

- Internal wars are mostly over and 1/2 population is part of new Cult.

 

You see the problem?

 

The Chapter Monastery is more of a place of worship than a base, however as the bulk of the equipment is distributed to the Battle-Barges since the bulk of the chapter is almost always on the move crusading.

 

This is normal.

 

The Chapter Monastery is a glorious sight and the holiest place upon the planet.

 

If they worship the Emperor, why is a SM FM so holy?

 

Few Space Marines inhabit the Monastery and those that do are elder veterans and a small support staff used to pick out recruits. The defense and maintenance of the Chapter Monastery falls solely to the few hundred serfs and servitors that inhabit it.

 

Should be way more marines there, and thousands of chapter serfs.

 

The God-Emperor is integral to there beliefs and see him as the ultimate savior of mankind.

 

Their.

 

This has turned the Sons of Redemption to overzealous warriors who fight to please the God-Emperor and save mankind.

 

Two words.

 

Another unorthodox practice is an extensive use of combat drugs which typically make marines berserkers, but enhances both strength and speed. The drugs themselves make marines berserkers on the battlefield, however they inevitably become addicted to the drugs. Some Battle-Brothers' minds are so addled with drugs that they walk around nearly lifeless husks when not in battle, just barely functioning.

 

Lots of problems here.

 

First sentence is too long and can be broken down I think.

 

How and why did the use of drugs appear?

 

Why does the Chapter allow the use of drugs if it has those effects?

 

Chaplains themselves encourage the use of combat drugs due to the fact that they 'purge the warrior of weakness'.

 

And where did this belief come from?

 

When not in use the chapter makes sure to improve there armoured transports by giving them the biggest engines possible.

 

Heresy.

 

With such ferocity, friendly fire is inevitable. As such many Imperial Guard Generals keep there men away from the whirling death machines that are the Sons of Redemption.

 

Their.

 

The Sons of Redemption have several major deviancies against the Codex Astartes.

 

"The Sons of Redemption deviate from the Codex Astartes in several major ways."

 

Deviancies just sounds wrong.

 

Instead of ten companies the Sons of Redemption only have eight. Every single company is a Battle-Company as well, following the Codex organization.

 

Why?

 

The fleet of the Sons of Redemption is formidable do to the fact that all of the Companies are on a constant crusade.

 

And just how does that make the fleet more formidable?

 

The fleet itself is only home to two Battle-Barges known as Redemptor and Deliverer. The latter has remained in orbit of there homeworld Redemption as a protector.

 

Waste of a Battle Barge.

 

The gene-seed of the Sons of Redemption comes from the Red Talons who descended from the Iron Hands. Thus far they have remained pure.

 

Really? Sounds like they're Korne Berserkers to me.

 

They also have an extreme fear and hatred of weakness, failure, and heresy going as far to execute brothers who they have deemed impure.

 

So I guess they lost the "And they shall know no fear" part of a Space Marine?

 

***************************

 

Overall has some good ideas, but needs some work. Look forward to seeing the next draft.

[UltimateJake]

Reworked chapter badge and am currently correcting the IA. Thank you for the input.

[NightrawenII]

Sorry for late C&C, but I was a little busy. :sweat:

 

Origins

In truth, they did and Talor was devastated by a brutal war that demolished much of the natural resources.

- the natural resource of Hive World are people.

 

High Chaplain Kadaras himself took command of the Imperial Forces and sought out the traitor Sonos. With zealous fury and anger he struck his foe down. It was then that the war ended with daemons fleeing back to the realm.

- What happened to that Warp-portal? Also, Why is the Sonos so important for daemons?

 

Although the chapter was devastated they would rebuild by recruiting from the survivors of Talor. High Chaplain Kadaras was suprised by the zealous fighters of Talor. So suprised was he that he extensively began to recruit from the Cult of Redemption that had flourished during the war. With so many promising recruits, Talor became the chapter's homeworld.

- I do agree with Ecritter. The war was too short and the population is corrupted by Chaos-taint. 2nd, you should explain these "zealous fighters", because right now we know about "zealous fighters" on the wrong side (=the Chaos cultists).

 

BTW, You are using zealous too much.

 

Homeworld

1st paragraph: Talor... Talor... Talor... Redemption... Redemption... Redemption...

 

While it is now back in Imperial Hands, the society of Talor has never managed to rebuild itself.

- Why capitals?

 

You are re-telling the story from the Origins. Rather pointless.

 

2nd pragraph:

Since the campaign the world has changed a great deal with the once booming economoy collapsing due to a lack of resources.

- Hive Worlds are generally un-self-sufficient and dependent on the off-world shipment of resources.

 

Redemption is truly a lawless planet where the government is controlled by crime and corruption. The only reason the planet has not been the object of a crusade yet is due to the fact that the Redemptionists have already been waging war upon the surface for centuries that takes the form of a holy crusade to bring the populace into the Cult of Redemption. Since the Sons of Redemption took the world for there own the war has nearly been won with fully half of the population joining the cult.

- ok. So if I understand this right. The important Hive World fall into anarchy and corruption, reducing its production output to 0.1% and Administratum, Arbitres and whosoever are doing nothing, because there is already some crazy sect, which wage a holy war against all inhabitants?

 

- Which bring us to the question: Was your Chapter fleet-based before? From where did they get recruits?

 

- 2nd Chapters are forbidden to claim planets for their own.

 

Beliefs

This, like their parent legion, has led them to replacing entire limbs with mechanical equivalents in attempts to make them stronger and more disciplined.

~

Another unorthodox practice is an extensive use of combat drugs which typically make marines berserkers, but enhances both strength and speed. The drugs themselves make marines berserkers on the battlefield, however they inevitably become addicted to the drugs. Some Battle-Brothers' minds are so addled with drugs that they walk around nearly lifeless husks when not in battle, just barely functioning.

- Ad odds with each other.

 

The Sons of Redemption are strict adherents to the Cult of Redemption. They focus solely on purging humanity's sins so that the God-Emperor may rise again from his Golden Throne when humanity is deemed pure enough. Like most Redemptionist Priests all Battle-Brothers are instructed to keep their face concealed when in the presence of others whom they see as infidels until they accept the redemption. Because of this even scouts and serfs are instructed to cover their faces with hoods or war-masks. The only time members of the chapter are permitted to show their faces is when they are in the midst of only there brother Redemptionists.

- Nice.

 

The culture of the Sons of Redemption revolves around redemption.

Really?! Don't tell... and I thought, it's all about cakes and honey. :lol:

 

Combat Doctrine

This leads to a high morality rate, but also battle-hardened and fiercer scouts.

- mortality rate, morality rate is something else. ;)

 

To be honest, I don't understand, why they weren't branded Excommunicate Traitoris a long time ago. Better safe, than sorry. IMHO.

 

Organisation

The large number of Chaplains makes up for the fact that the chapter does not recruit Librarians due to the fact that they are unholy in the eyes of the Redemption Cult.

- Explain, please.

[UltimateJake]

Thanks for the criticism. But, I'll try to clear a couple things up. The Sons of Ferrus we're in need of a homeworld so they officially made Talor there own. Which I think they would be allowed to do.

 

As for the origins I am rewriting them and cutting out the daemons part. This time a warband of Emperor's Children known as the Terror Artisans will be the ravagers of the world. As for the Hive World itself let's say the following:

 

1/3 of the population becomes tainted.

 

1/3 of the population is wiped out during the war.

 

The last 1/3 of the population have become a lot tougher during the few months of conflict. (We'll say child soldiers were used to even out numbers and many of these kids were recruited into the chapter.. Well...the few that survived.) We'll say that a quarter of this 1/3 were already in service to the Cult of Redemption. But, during the war the Cult of Redemption became even large. So fully half of the survivors will become Redemptionists.

 

As for the devastation of the Hive's resources I'll change it to that many of the Hive Cities were devastated and a lot of the factories were destroyed. Leaving few true Hive Cities standing. We'll say that the Hive Cities now are mere shanty towns with a high unemployment rate due ot the few factories that were left standing. Factories can be rebuilt, but it would take quite a long time for it to happen. So eventually the Drug Trade evolved onto the planet and many Warlords took control of the planet. The Astartes let it happen because they know it breeds worthy recruits. Basically the only people opposing these Warlords are a group of Nobles and the military rabble of the Redemptionists who have been trying to purge anyone on the planet who is not a redemptionist in a geonocidal campaign.

 

And the combat drugs...I like them for the chapter. I think it gives a mentality that they will use anything to avoid failure. And personally I don't see how they are heretical. Penal Legions and Imperial Guardsmen use them all time. Officio Assassinorium operatives use them. Maybe it was a little much adding that some Astartes become addicted to them, however I think it gives the chapter a twist. It adds to the savage aspect.

 

As for the lack of Librarians the Cult of Redemption sees being a psyker a sin. (And I'm not making that up. The Cult of Redemption is really official canon.) So with the population of psyker hate and the fact that the Librarians were either tainted or killed upon Talor led to no more Librarians. Perhaps psyker recruits are turned over to the Inquisition or executed. Or hell even given to the Legio Bolter and Chainsword. The point is that the Sons are like the Black Templars in a way. They can't stand psykers and will only barely cooperate with navigators and astropaths.

 

I also have another idea about the chapter. I was thinking of having them have very close ties to the Ecclesiarchy. (Personally this has been present in all the Sons of Redemption IAs but the current one.) (Although the previous IAs also had the Sons worship the Emperor as God.) But, I am steering clear of this. I want them to be friends with a few Inquisitors in the Ordo Hereticus so maybe this could justify a reason as to why they weren't excommunicated. Maybe it is because they are lap dogs to the Ecclesiarchy.

 

Please tell me what you think. And I am currently working on an update.

[NightrawenII]

Thanks for the criticism. But, I'll try to clear a couple things up. The Sons of Ferrus we're in need of a homeworld so they officially made Talor there own. Which I think they would be allowed to do.

Hive World? Very unlikely, if you ask me. Recruiting world is feasible, Homeworld not very much.

 

As for the devastation of the Hive's resources I'll change it to that many of the Hive Cities were devastated and a lot of the factories were destroyed. Leaving few true Hive Cities standing. We'll say that the Hive Cities now are mere shanty towns with a high unemployment rate due ot the few factories that were left standing. Factories can be rebuilt, but it would take quite a long time for it to happen. So eventually the Drug Trade evolved onto the planet and many Warlords took control of the planet. The Astartes let it happen because they know it breeds worthy recruits. Basically the only people opposing these Warlords are a group of Nobles and the military rabble of the Redemptionists who have been trying to purge anyone on the planet who is not a redemptionist in a geonocidal campaign.

I'm not sure how the drug-addiciton make a good recruits, though.

 

And the combat drugs...I like them for the chapter. I think it gives a mentality that they will use anything to avoid failure. And personally I don't see how they are heretical. Penal Legions and Imperial Guardsmen use them all time. Officio Assassinorium operatives use them. Maybe it was a little much adding that some Astartes become addicted to them, however I think it gives the chapter a twist. It adds to the savage aspect.

The Penal legions are... well, Penal legions. The "soldiers" here are criminals, heathens and sinners. So this isn't good comparison.

 

Imperial Guardsmen don't use them all the time, really.

 

And the only assassin, who uses combat drugs, is the Eversor and he isn't human-being anymore.

 

As for the lack of Librarians the Cult of Redemption sees being a psyker a sin... blah blah... They can't stand psykers and will only barely cooperate with navigators and astropaths.

No. How the Chaplains make up for Librarians?

[Shinzaren]

Also, where did you get/manufacture these drugs? Space Marines filter out poisons, which drugs are, incredibly fast. It's difficult to imagine that you developed drugs that work on a Space Marine's incredibly enhanced constitution. They would just filter them like a normal poison and move on, no benefits gained.

[NightrawenII]

Also, where did you get/manufacture these drugs? Space Marines filter out poisons, which drugs are, incredibly fast. It's difficult to imagine that you developed drugs that work on a Space Marine's incredibly enhanced constitution. They would just filter them like a normal poison and move on, no benefits gained.

IIRC, the marines do use the combat-drugs, stimuli and pain-killers, just not these, which turn them into mindless beasts.

[Ecritter]

SMs using drugs isn't a bad idea, but you need to put more work into it ... like answering all the questions I posted on why and how.

 

Timeline still will need work, not seen if you'd changed that already.

 

You have some original ideas, just need to put more work into them.

 

I checked and I was wrong about the daemons, but they can't survive outside the Warp for long unless they possess someone or a couple other options. I still stand by not a good world to recruit from. You made it a Daemon World and that classification would override the Hive World one and it would get cleansed by every chapter.

[UltimateJake]

SMs using drugs isn't a bad idea, but you need to put more work into it ... like answering all the questions I posted on why and how.

 

Timeline still will need work, not seen if you'd changed that already.

 

You have some original ideas, just need to put more work into them.

 

I checked and I was wrong about the daemons, but they can't survive outside the Warp for long unless they possess someone or a couple other options. I still stand by not a good world to recruit from. You made it a Daemon World and that classification would override the Hive World one and it would get cleansed by every chapter.

 

Currently I'm working on the homeworld section. I think I've tidied up the timeline, but I'll wait into everything is fixed before I post it all.

[UltimateJake]

V2 is up. I tidied up a bit of things and I like it much better now. Organization was rehauled completely.

[UltimateJake]

Still waiting for some C&C. Also thinking about adding a couple side bars.

[NightrawenII]

Founding

Originally known as the Sons of Ferrus the chapter was officially founded in the 14th Founding during M36.

- This date is wrong... This is because someone messed up the date of 13th Founding in the Exorcists article. We know for certain that 21th Founding happened in M36 so it's very unlikely for 9(+1) foundings being cramped in the single millenium.

 

Recently however pirate raids were expanding to the point where it was nearly open warfare.

- Fighting off pirates is job of Imperial Navy, but yeah it could work.

 

FAILINGS

Sons of Ferrus reacted quickly and were well prepared to confront the hated foes of their long dead Primarch. The Terror Artisans invaded quickly surpassing all defences erected by the Astartes. The Sons of Ferrus were quick to pursue them, however the Terror Artisans would wreak havoc upon three worlds before they were finally engaged upon Talor.

- quickly.. quickly... quick...

- This sentence doesn't fare well. However, the Terror Artisans acted swiftly and evaded all defences of the Astartes.

 

The Sons of Ferrus were quick to pursue them, however the Terror Artisans would wreak havoc upon three worlds before they were finally engaged upon Talor. Talor was perhaps one of the most vital worlds in the sub-sector supplying the Imperial war machine with equipment. Effectively Talor was responsible for the supplying of over thirty Imperial Guard regiments and PDF units. Although Talor was heavily defended itself the Terror Artisans wiped out millions in there fast attack. Entire Hive Cities were destroyed and for a time it seemed the entire population was doomed.

- Talor... Talor... Talor... Talor... their.

- To be honest the Terror Artisans are ridiculously strong for warband. Genocide is a tiresome and time-consuming feat. Of course, if they decided to nuke the hives, it will be somewhat plausible, but.... Where is the Art in such action?

 

The Imperial counter-attack was swift with fifteen full regiments of Imperial Guard and...

- Imperial Guard is anything but swift, though. ;)

 

Chapter Master Ionar reacted quickly to the threat of daemons, however it was not quick enough.

- quick.. quick...

 

The 3rd Company, which were sent to protect the Librarians were wiped out.

- was

 

With so many odds against them the Sons of Ferrus took to using anything they could to evenly match the traitors. Scorched earth tactics were used very effectively although they devastated the resources, Hive Cities, and atmosphere. Inevitably the Imperial Forces were forced back to the capital Hive City of Ortall. Outnumbered and outgunned the Astartes took to using combat drugs to equally oppose the far superior numbers of the traitors. In a desperate gambit the Sons of Ferrus left there defenses and charged to meet the traitors in a brutal melee. Although thousands of traitors were killed the Astartes were eventually surrounded and attacked from all sides. Heroes were killed and for a moment it seemed that the entire chapter was doomed in a glorious last stand. However, at that final moment the Imperial Guard charged out of the Hive City along with the crudely armed militia made up of the population. The tides were turned upon the traitors and the battle was won. With Imperial reinforcements already on the way the Terror Artisans fled leaving the cultists with no hope of survival.

- Well, the Deus ex Machina non-withstanding, the policy in such situation will be leaving the planet-surface and cleanse it in the Holy Flames of Exterminatus. The daemonic incursion is enough to sanctify such decision.

 

Redemption

The Talor Terror Campaign was won and is still considered one of the greatest victories for the chapter.

- Hmm, dunno. I woud say that it was Pyrrhic Victory. ... is still considered as the important lesson in the history of the Chapter. is more fitting.

 

The Chapter Master himself received a faith worst than death having been binded to the armour of the Arch Traitor who led the Terror Artisans.

- fate

 

Having been fleet based thus far the chapter was in need of a homeworld for stable recruits. Talor was recognized as an excellent recruiting ground for the Astartes and officially became the chapter's home-world before the bulk of the chapter embarked upon a massive Penitent Crusade. Talor itself was renamed Redemption in honor of the chapter.

- I'm not sure, if the *honor* is the best word there. After all the Chapter failed miserably in its duty.

- What about Inquistion? The daemonic invasion, three worlds scoured of live and the important Hive-world ravaged beyond point of usefulness is certainly a reason for the Chapter Fortress-Monastery being swarmed with Inquisitorial agents.

 

Homeworld

The Chapter Monastery of the Sons of Redemption is a beautiful cathedral erected in the center of the Capital City Ortall.

- Why did they have F-M on the planet?

- I was under impression that the Astartes has not set a foot upon Redemption until after the Talor campaign.

 

Ehm, both Homeworld and Belief sections are somewhat repetitive. They need some polishing and streamlining.

 

Combat Doctrine

Scouts themselves are thrown in the middle of this often forced into facing resistance just as heavy as those opposing full blown Battle-Brothers. This leads to a high mortality rate, but also battle-hardened and fiercer scouts.

- I'm suggesting to change this. The Gene-seed is the blood of the Chapter, lose too much and you will die.

- Your Chapter tactic is all about high mortality rate, so they will be technically dying out.

 

This, like their parent legion, has led them to replacing entire limbs with mechanical equivalents in attempts to make them stronger and more disciplined.

+

When the Sons of Redemption enter battle they are little more than raving berserkers who will use anything at there hands to kill the enemy.

- Raving berzerkers are far from disciplined warriors, don't you think? :D

 

To be honest, they look like Khorne-worshippers to me.

 

Organisation

They wield the power of the mightiest warmachines, however they are constantly forced in slumber.

- hmmm, Why are forced in the slumber?

[UltimateJake]

Alright after a little break I am back to working on the Sons of Redemption. I appreciate the C&C once more NightrawenII. But, in the Lexicanum article it has the Foundings of the Space Marine chapters. Although the 14th one isn't described the 13th and 19th are. Both of which occured in M36. So by default I put the 14th Founding in M36, which would be correct. (Unless Lexicanum is wrong, which is a possibility.)

 

As for the Dreadnoughts they are forced into cryogenic slumbers or something similar when not in battle. That's official fluff in 40k, however I don't think I worded it right so I will correct. (Dreadnoughts slumber when not in combat and the older they get the more they sleep.)

 

Linkie

 

I will change the part in the Combat Doctrine. I will edit the Homeworld and Belief sections. I think I will also add in Inquisitorial agents as you suggested. (But I will take out the three lifeless world parts. Perhaps change it to three wartorn worlds where the Terror Artisans slaughtered many and then left cultists behind to finish the rest.) The Inquisitors could perhaps be what jump-started the Sons of Redemption. Sending them on a pentinent crusade or something.

 

Please tell me what you think of the decisions before I start on V3, hopefully the last version.

[NightrawenII]

Alright after a little break I am back to working on the Sons of Redemption. I appreciate the C&C once more NightrawenII. But, in the Lexicanum article it has the Foundings of the Space Marine chapters. Although the 14th one isn't described the 13th and 19th are. Both of which occured in M36. So by default I put the 14th Founding in M36, which would be correct. (Unless Lexicanum is wrong, which is a possibility.)

I don't know where they get the date for 19th. But the date of 13th Founding is based on the dubious information from Exorcists article. The problem with this information is that 21th Founding was in early M36 and because it takes 55years to grown gene-seed only and you have 9(+1) foundings here, I would say the date is messed up.

[UltimateJake]

I guess I will either have to make up a date for the 14th founding or scour the internet for any relevant information on it. But, I will most likely change it. Currently I am tidying the IA up. Adding in information on there relations with the Ordo Hereticus and Ecclesiarchy. I'm also adding in info on how they view other Astartes chapters.

[UltimateJake]

Not really a complete overhaul. But I did add in some parts. I am debating on whether I should rewrite the whole thing or just keep tidying it up. Also changed the chapter badge. I personally like this one more.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The thing for me is that redemption is not a popular idea in the Imperium, redemptionists aside.

 

For most of the Imperium, to turn renegade or traitor is virtually unforgivable bar a few exceptional events (such as those chapters that participated in the Badab War on the wrong side, but for the right reasons even though they were misled by Huron).

 

How and why do these guys come to, firstly, the belief of redemption and how does it stick. More so, how in the world do they end up believing that taking those that are at risk of being tainted by chaos as recruits to be a good idea even given that they believe in redemption?

 

Also I haven't read all that far into your IA because of the massively huge blocks of text you have there, I don't particularly want to read them. What I'm looking for is your chapters beliefs in a nutshell.

[UltimateJake]

Redemption is death in there beliefs. Redemption for everyone is death. If traitors die they will be redeemed. The loyal Astartes themselves are seeking to redeem themselves in the eyes of the Emperor due to the fact that the Imperium is such a piss-hole now. For a loyalist to redeem himself is to die. Basically redemption=death. And they do not believe in taking people tainted with chaos. Perhaps I misworded something in the IA, but that is a big no no for the chapter. Recruits are screened by Chaplains purity checks and if a blemish is found they are executed. They hate chaos.

 

As for the text blocks I think I understand. It's over 4000 words which is waaaaaaaaaay more then I intended to write. I think I will try to trim down the Founding section. (No wonder know ones been commenting lol.)

 

Anyway thank you for your time. I appreciate that you have taken time out of your day to offer C&C. Now I wil start thinking about parts to cut out and parts to keep.

 

EDIT: I've vastly trimmed down the Founding section. Although I don't think it is enough to warrant their turn into the Sons of Redemption. :rolleyes: I guess I'll wait for more C&C.