Honor Games

[Marshal Rohr]

‘Tell me, cousin, where were you were engaged before the Honor Games?’

 

The warrior’s armor was as black as mine, but many feathers of pure white, tipped in jade, hung from his glistening black armor. On his chest was a winged sword of the purest silver, bearing allegiance to the 1st Legion. The Dark Angels. His robes rippled softly in the cool breeze of the world, not unlike the many I had waged war on in the past century of service to the Eternal Crusade. He was unlike the Sons of the Lion I had fought alongside in the past. He was personable.

 

Since his arrival at the Honor Games he had made much effort to befriend me, something I did not expect. Though all Astartes are brothers in arms, there are few I consider worth the time. Friendship is for mortals. He seems different though, his actions and deeds hang from his armor, showing him a true knight. A warrior worthy of respect. His name is Castael, and he is a Sergeant in the second company. He calls them ‘Ravenwing’ in his recountings, though I care little for titles, the honor and history of the Dark Angels forces me to push such thoughts aside.

 

‘Before the games, cousin?’ Politeness stains my response, but he has yet to prove himself unworthy of it.

‘My liege bid me to fight alongside the Crusade of Marshal Amalrich, in the Segmentum Tempestus. We crusaded against an army of recidivists intent on turning the world into an independent democracy.’

 

It was an inglorious war, the host of mortals outnumbering us many fold. We burned them nonetheless. My mind wanders back to the battlefields. The endless trenches and fortress walls pounded into dust before one final glorious charge. The Marines Vindicant had fought alongside us, they were capable, but the lacked the aggressiveness needed to cleanse the galaxy.

 

‘The heresy of democracy.’ He chuckles as he polishes his bolter.

‘I’ll never know what it is with these humans, cousin. They have everything they need. Food, shelter, and they still draw breath. What could one man possibly desire that he need represent himself through… what is the word? Elections?’ He shakes his head, a smile on his lips.

 

‘I could not tell you, cousin.’ I had not intended to respond, but it spilled out in spite of myself. He is endearing himself to me. This must end.

 

‘If you will pardon me, Castael. I must retire. The games have ended and I am to depart in the morning when the Champion returns from the victory feast.’ I attempt to leave, but he places a hand on my shoulder before I could rise.

 

‘Before you go, Aleck, I must ask. What of the leader of the separatists? Was he killed?’ His face betrays him. He is eager to learn of this. He has earned a response, at least.

 

‘He was not. He was a renegade Astartes of some unknown chapter intent on building an empire. I only saw him once, dueling the captain of the Marines Vindicant we fought with. He wore no heraldry beyond a winged sword of crimson on his left shoulder. When we finally breached his citadel he was captured by our Astartes allies and taken onboard their fleet. Marshal Amalrich did not pursue it any further. Now, please excuse me, cousin. I must retire.’

 

My response was apparently satisfactory, as a smile reappeared on his face.

 

‘Thank you, cousin. It has been an honor. May the Emperor guide you to victory,’ he says, before quickly rising and stalking from the training room.

 

As I return to my brothers I realize that for all our similarities and the blessings of the Emperor and our genefathers, I will never understand outsiders.

[Gree]

Interesting, I don't think I've ever seen you write here before.

 

Tell me, what are the Honor Games? Some sort of inter-chapter Olympics?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

You get lost ol' son? ;)

 

Good read, but the style needs to be improved upon; it seems very stilted when I read - good tip, read things back aloud to see how they will sound to the reader.

[Marshal Rohr]

It's part of a larger story I have been working on. The honor games are just a small post campaign celebration organized by the Conquerors (who have yet to be introduced) to celebrate the victory.

 

I intended for the writing style to be like Cormac McCarthy. With a very fluid, stream of conciousness style. Does the stilted nature detract from the story or do you think that it could work with polish?

[Octavulg]

As a good rule of thumb, the more a work is critically acclaimed as brilliant writing, the less natural the style is.

 

I rather liked it, honestly. Well done. :D

[Nacho Wolf]

Yeah I like it too, looking forward to seeing where you go with this

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I intended for the writing style to be like Cormac McCarthy. With a very fluid, stream of conciousness style. Does the stilted nature detract from the story or do you think that it could work with polish?

 

"The tale is often in the telling."

 

The story, as is, is solid and workable - like all good stories it draws more questions than it answers - but it could be better if the style was improved.

 

As I'm sure you are aware, these are just my opinions; you may find everyone else who reads it thinks it's fine.