a little background

[clanfield]

sorry to waste your time

[Void Master]

Your grammar and punctuation need an awful lot of work I have to say. A full stop, a comma etc., for example do not have a space before them, they have a space after them. You also need more punctuation and some sentences are far too long (or contain too much information). An example:

 

logan grimnar old wolf,master of the space wolves chapter,lord of fenris,battlelord of the northern marches sat on his throne,the very throne ten thousand years ago russ himself had sat upon he looked across the assembaled warriors of his great company and smiled as the swift claws enterd

the room and took there place next the tearers they were followed by the crew from the hunter of fiends and several rhino driverswho took places at the back of the hall next to edrigars long fangs .

 

To make this any good, it'd have to look more like this:

 

Logan Grimnar, Old wolf, master of the space wolves and lord of Fenris sat upon the very Russ himself had sat on all these millenia ago. He looked across the assembled warriors of his great company as the swift claws entered the room and took their place.

 

I won't try to write up the rest, as I'm frankly not sure what you are saying there. In addition to that, you really need to get the use of THEIR and THERE and THEY'RE straight if you want to write. THEIR is a word that points out posession of something (eg. their rhino). THERE is a word that points out a location (eg. can you see the mountain there?) and THEY'RE is short for they are (eg. they are grey hunters).

 

I suggest you write these sorts of things up in word (word 2007 is great as it checks grammar, punctuation and spelling) and the copy and paste it into a post because although there might be a spellchecker on here (it doesn't work for me, but I think someone somewhere said something about one) it won't do for you what word can do.

 

If you're not prepared to put in the effort of writing up something with proper grammar, punctuation and so forth, I suggest you just paint the army. Even writing up posts properly when you are writing on a forum makes it much more pleasant to read and will get you more replies. Usually when I see a badly written post I just quit reading because quite frankly, if someone doesn't respect others enough to use decent grammar when they ask them to read what they wrote, I'm not prepared to put in the effort of reading whatever was written, much less reply to it.

 

What is also VERY important is the use of capitals at the beginnings of a sentence, and not dragging on too long before finishing one sentence and starting a new one. English is a very pleasant language in that it doesn't even make you spell words with capitals in a sentence most of the time. An awful lot of other languages do make you do that, so to get a post to look half decent, you don't even have to put in that much of an effort.

[JMac]

You are not wasting anyone's time, for anyone who reads this thread is on their own will. Do not get discouraged.

[Void Master]

If you can't take criticism, don't ask for it. If I just wanted to say that the story is crap, I wouldn't have posted because criticism in and of itself is useless if it doesn't come with something constructive so that whatever was criticised could be improved. The reason I posted something lengthy is that with a little effort, I'm sure you could do a lot better.

[Skalver]

If you can't take criticism, don't ask for it. If I just wanted to say that the story is crap, I wouldn't have posted because criticism in and of itself is useless if it doesn't come with something constructive so that whatever was criticised could be improved. The reason I posted something lengthy is that with a little effort, I'm sure you could do a lot better.

 

I don't see much by way of being constructive in your criticism to be honest.

 

To make this any good ...

 

The obvious implication here being that his work is not any good at present.

 

If you're not prepared to put in the effort of writing up something with proper grammar, punctuation and so forth, I suggest you just paint the army. Even writing up posts properly when you are writing on a forum makes it much more pleasant to read and will get you more replies. Usually when I see a badly written post I just quit reading because quite frankly, if someone doesn't respect others enough to use decent grammar when they ask them to read what they wrote, I'm not prepared to put in the effort of reading whatever was written, much less reply to it.

 

Here you tell the guy not only that he should stop writing but that his work is so bad that he is disrespecting everyone on this forum just by posting it! How on earth can you classify that as constructive criticism? Your criticism is far too harsh, you insult the posters use of language, his grammer, his motivation and accuse him of downright offending everyone on this forum by posting his work, and this is supposed to be constructive?

 

Nevermind that you totally ignore the story and focus solely on the grammer and spelling. What you are doing is editing not critiquing and I would imagine you have a good enough grasp of language to know the difference. If the story is good then the rest is just busy work and when you can't look past spelling and grammer to see the story beneath it shows an utter failure on your behalf. Fixing the spelling and grammer is the easy part, having the will to write something creative and post it for all to read is the hard part.

 

You fail to see that merely by posting here the guy is showing obvious respect to the people of this forum, if he had no respect then why would he post his work here for us to read and respond to? Do you generally solicit feedback from people you don't respect?

 

To clanfield I will say this, while all I can see of your post is the single quoted paragraph and while there are obvious mistakes in your use of language, the most important thing is that you were inspired to write. I for one would love to see where this story went and if you still have it I urge you to repost it. You felt that creative impulse and went with it and unlike most you had the guts and self belief to post your work for all to see. Today you got the worst review you are ever going to get, suck it up like the proud wolf brother you are and bounce back stronger. Yeah, some people will only ever see the grammer and spelling but you don't really write for those people anyway do you? Write because you are inspired, write because you love your subject matter and feel that insatiable desire to express that in words but whatever happens, for the love of Russ don't stop writing because someone has an unhealthy obsession with grammer. Just like in a martial art the form is not the fight so it is true in writing, the form is not the fight, the grammer is not the story and anyone who tells you otherwise has never stepped in the ring.

 

If you feel nervous, get someone to edit your work for you, if you want to PM it to me I will gladly give it a once over though my own use of language and grammer is far from perfect. As for feedback on the creative aspect, well thats why you posted here in the first place and this is the correct place for it.

[MaveriK]

Wolf Brother clanfield, it's never a waste of time! especially when it comes to something you enjoy and love, like Space Wolves. Remember this, we sons of Russ stick together! what I admire most in people, and in what you've done... is the very heart, that was made from any idea. Even if it was right or wrong, grammar-wise or not... what's important is it's yours, and nobody can take that away! it's true what they say, the ego bruises deeper than the flesh. Just remember, it's only a reminder that we all have our faults, and that we are after-all, human.

 

If you're not prepared to put in the effort of writing up something with proper grammar, punctuation and so forth, I suggest you just paint the army.

 

Harsh.. and you talk about criticism, yet your tone isn't very a constructive one.

 

Usually when I see a badly written post I just quit reading because quite frankly, if someone doesn't respect others enough to use decent grammar when they ask them to read what they wrote, I'm not prepared to put in the effort of reading whatever was written, much less reply to it.

 

it's funny how you contradict yourself, and talk about respect. When clearly you've overlooked your own words, by your manner and mannerisms.

[MaveriK]

@Void Master: have you considered that maybe, some of the users here at B&C don't have English as their first language? not everyone here are as educated and articulate with how they talk or write such as yourself. The only difference is, most of my wolf brothers here at the Fang have more heart, class and empathy!

 

-edit- I'm going to dumb it down for yah... I realize what you were trying to do, but how it came out and how it sounded was more deterring and felt degrading. It was enough for the OP to delete his post. It's like telling someone to paint their army in a certain way, or ONLY paint them in a certain color. Now how does that feel? and how would you feel if someone did the same to you?

[Growler67]

@ Void Master: Lest we forget that the age range is also as diverse as the Nationalities here. Perhaps being more constructive in your critisisms and comments rather than so blatently argumentative and adversarial would go over better than you bludgeoning everyone whos offers anything you disagree with. Just a thought before the Inquisition is called in to purify your posts.

 

@ clanfield: Please repost your OP. Not all here have that extra bone implanted in their cranium as some have exhibited.

[Void Master]

Alright, I'm sorry that post didn't come out the way it was intended to. It was too harsh by far, I didn't mean to discourage him to continue writing or meant him to delete that post. If I did, I'd have said so. I wrote that lengthy post in order to give some advice as to how the grammar could be improved. The whole thing about respect wasn't directed at the OP in particular. I know it came out that way, which as I said wasn't intended.

 

To all those throwing covert insults back at me... I deserved it, and I'm not really offended because of that. But honestly, if you talk about respect and call me names in the same post... that's the very definition of hypocrisy.

[MaveriK]

honestly, if you talk about respect and call me names in the same post... that's the very definition of hypocrisy.

 

for someone who says their not really offended, then throws out the obligatory "calling you names" statement... just sounds/implies a petty reaction, than a justified one. I'm curious to see the exact words/wordings used, that specifically calls you these names. As for the hypocrisy, I'm pretty sure most of us know the definition and can look it up in a dictionary. But what they don't tell you, is that respect is something you earn. Now looking back from the start of this trend, would you say yours was earned? people's comments are merely a cause + effect, an action to a reaction. But as you said,

"The whole thing about respect wasn't directed at the OP in particular. I know it came out that way, which as I said wasn't intended."

So now, I say to you, the whole thing about respect wasn't directed at you in particular [for me at least, it was more of a general statement] I know it came out that way, which as I said wasn't intended. Which just reminded me of my other favorite definition.. irony.

 

-edit- now having said all that, I'm just going to STOP for the sake of going back, in hopes to save this trend should clanfield wish it. There is no point in arguing for the sake of arguing, it will just take more away from the topic.

[OnlyInDeath]

Okay, that's it!

 

If there's any more cloaked jabs, I'm going to get Decoy in here and we will wreck up the place. WOLVES DON'T DO DRAMA!!! You want to act like a bunch of emo 10th graders, there's a perfectly nice Blood Angels forum that awaits you.

 

Now, get back to kicking butt and drinking ale, or so help me I'll beat everyone here until morale improves!!!

[clanfield]

oh dear...i will repost the start of my story and perhaps some explanation of why is in order as well.to void master id say yes you were right about grammar iposted it at 6 am after a long night shift and was a bit frazzeld you are correct about my grammar but you did come across a bit harsh, however no offence was taken it is my story and i was looking for more of a creative input than your post implied .Now as i have said i was not offended you came across a little poorly and i did not expect that here at the fang what is done is done,i do not posses office or any software to that effect im afraid.

 

To my brothers of the fang my thanks, your support has encouraged me no end and i will repost my story upon my next day off i had no intention of starting a fight or a flame thread its not my nature after all this is a place i respect very much the people here are much better painters/writers/thinkers than i and genraly not a week go's past when you dont give me something to ponder on.

Now that is done as only in death says letts have some ale and fight something green and orkish

[Durfast Spiritwolf]

You want to act like a bunch of emo 10th graders, there's a perfectly nice Blood Angels forum that awaits you.

 

 

Don't you mean our cross-dressing friends from the Dark Angels little brother :)

[Orphus]

Please do repost your story. It's always good to read what others have come up with. Regardless of typography or length or interpretation, everyone should be able to feel like what they have been writing is appreciated.

-as a note to anyone offering criticism on someone's work just remember how comments can be incorrectly interpreted, so add some Emoticons to show the slant of your comments!!! :lol:

[Growler67]

@ clanfield: Open Office is a FREE and (safe) downloadable shareware. It is an emulator for programs contained in MS Office Suite. I have used it in the past and it functions very much the same for all those document types. A quick Google will point the way if you are interested. Otherwise, there are at least several here that would be willing to proofread for you if you wish to go that route. If the extent of your publishing intent is in the threads of a forum, I hardly think that minor gramatical and punctuation errors will detract from the context you portray. It is an expression of your imagination and and creativity not a literary work to be compared to those published by Shakespear or such. If your wish is to get published someday, what better training ground than here first where one can find out what works and what doesn't before serious time and money are channelled into a publishing effort?

 

As briliant as Einstein was, he never learned to comb his hair, seriously. What I mean about that is that even savants have flaws. Perfection is a Utopian Ideal and thus cannot exist in the real world. We are ALL guilty of thinking faster than we can type correctly from time to time. Play the role of the bard or in our context, the skald and regail us with your tale. Have an ale and go with it.

 

ETA: I just received the Deathwatch paperbacks by C.S. Goto and amreading the first now. As stated, I do not think of the Deathatch as a full Chapter or Company but rather more like platoon sized elements posted to these Watch Fortresses and squad sized elements posted to the Watch Stations. The Deathwatch RPG Rulebook states that the Fortresses are scarce. That is NOT to say that there is not "Homebase" or centralized Headquarters. I just have not come across that information yet if it exists.

 

You have thought your idea out well, it just doesn't match exactly well with the available fluff. Not to say it wouldn't be fun to play, but you may encounter resistence in acceptance depending on where and with whom you deploy. Many things ARE possible in the 40k Universe. The myriad of ideas and creations for 13th Companies for instance. If it is deemed to be viable as you know your gaming environs best, knock yorself out.