IA: Emperor's Wraiths

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

I somehow found myself drawn to this chapter...

 

And then I found almost nothing written about them in two pages... So expand on them!

[Corvi Sanguine]

Don't worry, it's coming and I promise not to let you down ;-)

[soddinnutter]

If you are going to have them look like the Wraith from Stargate Atlantis then what you are looking for is the gene-seed of Corax. The Raven Guard are already halfway to looking like wraith with all the genetic screw up they possess.

 

Also a high number of covert specialists to minimise losses because of the high recruitment failure rate of Raven Guard descendants.

 

Psykers? hell yes, what better way to track someone than by getting the scent of their mind and poisoning their dreams.

 

They could even look more like the Wraith in terms of battle formation if half of the hugely extended scout company/ies are replaced by Hunter Squads. whose job is not to relay info but to go out and kill a specific target to the exception of all else, sort of like how the Wraith hunted Ronan Dax.

 

maybe that could also be part of the initial recruitment process. Set the Aspirants out running. Those that make a good show are promoted to Neophyte. those that trip over the first tree root they find and are caught withing 30 seconds are given the option of leaving the Chapter or assuming a support role like quartermaster of the beer cellar or whatever.

 

Just ideas.

[Corvi Sanguine]

I do like the ideas there, I wasn't gonna totally rip off the wraith from Stargate Atlantis, because I want them tanned skin with white hair, but I was going to steal the psychic stuff for the background write up.

 

I'll ponder over the suggestions you have made and see what I can make fit, thanks very much.

 

I've decided to make this chapter my own now and will paint my new Space Marine force these colours.

 

Haven't had a chance to continue my work due to having to work more due to snow (I work at a hospital as an engineer) but will hopefully pick up from where I left off starting tonight or tomorrow.

 

Love the input though, so thanks very much ;-)

 

Am changint the Chapter Name to "Emperor's Wraiths"

 

Celesial just doesn't click with the ethos of the chapter I wanna create, far from it.

[Corvi Sanguine]

Would like to add that I haven't played 40k for about 7 or 8 years, so my knoweledge of the game world is rusty

[Corvi Sanguine]

Just got my copy of Ultramarines the movie through today, so gonna watch that this instant and then I'll write some more, I promise (and then you can pick it apart for me so I can rewrite it, lol)

[Corvi Sanguine]

Ok, here is what I have changed to and will update this whenever I change my mind or need to add to. Hope you enjoy it and please feel free to criticise, I am new to the 40k fluff.

 

Name: Emperors Wraiths

Founding Chapter: Unknown

Geneseed: Unknown

Founding: 26th Founding, 738.M41

Chapter Master: Tiberius

Home World: Thraxus Prime

Fortress Monastery: The Amethyst Hawk

Main Colours: Purple Armour with Golden Rimmed, Cream Inset Shoulder Plates

Speciality: Librarians

Battlecry: Unknown

Estimated Strength: 800

 

Background

 

By the will of the High Lords of Terra and with the divine blessing of the God Emperor, it is decreed that the Emperors Wraiths be given existence in 738.M41 as part of the 26th founding of Adeptus Astartes.

 

Marooned for thousands of years on a planet known to humanity as Thraxus Prime in the far flung reach of the Sagittarius Arm of the galaxy, the Emperors Wraiths were isolated from the Imperium for longer than their records detail.

 

Infact, the Inquisition’s eye has been cast over them since their discovery as the Chapter’s personal administration is somewhat lapse. All that is documented are the more recent times of those marines stranded on Thraxus Prime. And so their geneseed and their origin remain a mystery.

 

“It would appear the battle brothers themselves have not been party to the early days of the creation of their chapter and have been taught solely of the divine Emperor and his glorious Imperium of Man. What is strange to note is the complete astonishment at the Chapters reaction to the events of the Great Heresy, for it would seem they were unaware of the treachery that befell the Emperor by the traitor Horus. It is likely to believe that this unknown chapter, who were found without any of the sacred power armour, have no idea of what Chapter they hail from, their homeworld or even which Primarch their geneseed originates from. All that remains is a relic of a perfectly kept standard banner of purple, gold and cream displaying the name of the chapter and it’s iconography but of no honours bar the wars with the native Xenos of this planet”. Inquisitor Hengist of the Ordo Malleus after questioning the Chapter Master Tiberius of the Emperors Wraith Chapter, 736.M41.

 

The discovery of the remnants of the chapter was due to a sudden swelling of psykers amongst their ranks just before their founding. It would appear that Thraxus was home to an indigenous race of 'white haired' humans that had no discovery of technology when the Space Marines arrived. Somehow, although no trace of any trained techmarine, the battle brothers managed to use their existing technology to form a basis for a first civilisation for these humans and were able to train and recruit directly from them, which entails an Apothecary had survived their doomed fate in the early days of their settlement. One sole city fortification was home to the elite Space Marines, their secretive chambers as well as the townships of the vast tens of thousands that made up the local population.

 

At first, the humans treated the Space Marines as Gods until educated in the doctrines and sacred scriptures of the Emperor of man and his vast Empire. The work done here worthy of a Chaplaincy for the early Marines that accomplished such devotion. With the Ordo Malleus Satisfied, the Space Marine Chapter were officially founded and sent to Terra for purification and administration.

 

Home World

 

To be continued...

[NightrawenII]

Uh, lets get started...

 

Name: Emperors Wraiths

Founding Chapter: Yet to be decided

Geneseed: Yet to be decided

Founding: 26th Founding, 738.M41

- Corrected for you. See below for more details.

 

Fortress Monastery: The Amethyst Banshee

- Banshee is creature of Eldar myths.

 

Background

By the will of the High Lords of Terra and with the divine blessing of the God Emperor, it is decreed that the Emperors Wraiths be given existence in 738.M41 as part of the 26th founding of Adeptus Astartes.

 

Marooned for thousands of years on a planet known to humanity as Thraxus Prime in the far flung reach of the Sagittarius Arm of the galaxy, the Emperors Wraiths were isolated from the Imperium for longer than their records detail.

- Where you get thousands of years? Your Chapter hasn't been here for more than 300 years.

 

Infact, the Inquisition’s eye has been cast over them since their discovery as the Chapter’s personal administration is somewhat lapse. All that is documented are the more recent times of those marines stranded on Thraxus Prime. And so their geneseed and their origin remain a mystery.

- Yeah, except they are no more than 300 years old. So even if the Chapter doesn't have the records, the Adeptus of Terra *will* have them, the adepts aren't *that* forgetful.

- Second, the unknown origins/gene-seed is mark of laziness. It certainly doesn't create any mystery, especially with such young Chapter.

 

For the rest. Ehm, I have no idea what are you doing here, but you are doing it wrong. Read the guides, really.

:)

[Corvi Sanguine]

Sorry if it wasn't clear enough for you but the chapter obviously has pre heresy origins of an unknown chapter, marooned for thousands of years, they were unknown of by the imperium. They were discovered and "officially" founded 300 years ago. I think you'll find there is no lazyness to their creation but it is intended to add mystery to their past. You may wish to re-read to understand your mistakes.

[NightrawenII]

Sorry if it wasn't clear enough for you but the chapter obviously has pre heresy origins of an unknown chapter, marooned for thousands of years, they were unknown of by the imperium. They were discovered and "officially" founded 300 years ago. I think you'll find there is no lazyness to their creation but it is intended to add mystery to their past. You may wish to re-read to understand your mistakes.

You will find the answer for this in my post too:

For the rest. Ehm, I have no idea what are you doing here, but you are doing it wrong. Read the guides, really.

:)

[Corvi Sanguine]

Well, I'm sorry you cannot comprehend what I am doing, it seems quite clear to me. Perhaps it is best you desist in your assistance, I see you making no contribution here.

[Corvi Sanguine]

Uh, lets get started...

 

Name: Emperors Wraiths

Founding Chapter: Yet to be decided

Geneseed: Yet to be decided

Founding: 26th Founding, 738.M41

- Corrected for you. See below for more details.

 

You have corrected nothing, their origins remain unknown as thats the way I would like it and that is the way that their background is intended to be so will stay as such.

 

Fortress Monastery: The Amethyst Banshee

- Banshee is creature of Eldar myths.

 

A reasoanble request, will ammend.

 

Background

By the will of the High Lords of Terra and with the divine blessing of the God Emperor, it is decreed that the Emperors Wraiths be given existence in 738.M41 as part of the 26th founding of Adeptus Astartes.

 

Marooned for thousands of years on a planet known to humanity as Thraxus Prime in the far flung reach of the Sagittarius Arm of the galaxy, the Emperors Wraiths were isolated from the Imperium for longer than their records detail.

- Where you get thousands of years? Your Chapter hasn't been here for more than 300 years.

 

No, you are wrong in a way, correct in that the Chapter has officially been around for 300 years but their beginning starts Pre-Heresy when they were marooned on a distant planet

 

Infact, the Inquisition’s eye has been cast over them since their discovery as the Chapter’s personal administration is somewhat lapse. All that is documented are the more recent times of those marines stranded on Thraxus Prime. And so their geneseed and their origin remain a mystery.

- Yeah, except they are no more than 300 years old. So even if the Chapter doesn't have the records, the Adeptus of Terra *will* have them, the adepts aren't *that* forgetful.

- Second, the unknown origins/gene-seed is mark of laziness. It certainly doesn't create any mystery, especially with such young Chapter.

 

For the rest. Ehm, I have no idea what are you doing here, but you are doing it wrong. Read the guides, really.

:)

 

Then perhaps your mind needs to be a little more open to other possibilities rather than your own opinions. Anything is possible in fiction.

[Corvi Sanguine]

- Yeah, except they are no more than 300 years old. So even if the Chapter doesn't have the records, the Adeptus of Terra *will* have them, the adepts aren't *that* forgetful.

 

Just like they do for the Blood Ravens right? Pah!

[Corvi Sanguine]

This "Don't" comes very close to my Chapter but seeing as my Chapter have an amnesia about their beginnings and that those beginnings have been deliberately hidden from them, it doesn't really apply.

 

Don’t have your chapter formed from a forgotten company

Any company or detachment of a chapter which is separated from the main chapter for what ever reason will not create their own chapter just because they paint their armour a different colour and change their name. A company of Ultramarines will always be Ultramarines, and would be simply reabsorbed as soon as they made contact with Macragge.

[Ecritter]

Just remember, the Blood Ravens were made specifically for a game .... and someone threw all the rules out when they did it. You don't really want to be like them. Really.

[Corvi Sanguine]

Very true, however, there are many chapters in the official fluff without knowledge of their geneseed or father chapters. It is fluff already in place so I feel it ok to use it.

[Ace Debonair]

Marooned for thousands of years on a planet known to humanity as Thraxus Prime in the far flung reach of the Sagittarius Arm of the galaxy, the Emperors Wraiths were isolated from the Imperium for longer than their records detail. [/i]

- Where you get thousands of years? Your Chapter hasn't been here for more than 300 years.

 

No, you are wrong in a way, correct in that the Chapter has officially been around for 300 years but their beginning starts Pre-Heresy when they were marooned on a distant planet

 

Quick note: Chapters as we know them weren't actually created until after the heresy.

Before then we had the Legions, of which there was only twenty. Eighteen of them are known, the other two were totally erased from history by the authority of the Emperor.

 

Take it from me, writing a story about one of those lost legions is a lot harder than just writing about a regular chapter. I'd second Nightrawen's suggestion of picking one of the foundings and starting from then.

 

Infact, the Inquisition’s eye has been cast over them since their discovery as the Chapter’s personal administration is somewhat lapse. All that is documented are the more recent times of those marines stranded on Thraxus Prime. And so their geneseed and their origin remain a mystery.

- Yeah, except they are no more than 300 years old. So even if the Chapter doesn't have the records, the Adeptus of Terra *will* have them, the adepts aren't *that* forgetful.

- Second, the unknown origins/gene-seed is mark of laziness. It certainly doesn't create any mystery, especially with such young Chapter.

For the rest. Ehm, I have no idea what are you doing here, but you are doing it wrong. Read the guides, really.

 

Then perhaps your mind needs to be a little more open to other possibilities rather than your own opinions. Anything is possible in fiction.

 

The highlighted parts are actually a lot closer to fact than opinion. Nightrawen's not into the habit of just making this stuff up, you know. :pinch:

I'd heartily reccomend taking a look at the DIY guide stickied at the top of the forum, it's chock-full of interesting info and a very useful aid to putting together a DIY chapter. ^_^

[Corvi Sanguine]

On these two points, might I ask:-

 

1, Why is my Chapter not allowed to be older than 300 years? Why is it not allowed to be thousands of years old?

 

2, Why is it not allowed for my Chapter to have an air of mystery about them, I personally like it alot?

 

Also, there are no First Founding Chapters that match the ethos of my Chapter?

[Corvi Sanguine]

Would it be better if I rewrote to: -

 

The Imperium, guided to Thraxus Prime through a strange Psychic energy, were amazed to find a large population of humans and unarmoured space marines living in a city fortification. When demands as to what chapter they hailed from were given, none knew, but Space Marine and Human alike swore duty to the Emperor and knew only of the ritual ways to become an Adeptus Astartes and had the trials in place for those to become Neophytes from the human populace. Loyalty to the Emperor was strong, but the existance of others like themselves was absent from these Marines. They had been completely cut off for a very long time and their personal history obviously and most deliberately hidden from them generations ago.

[Ecritter]

First, I think its best to have an older Chapter ... much easier to write about. Pre-Heresy is a no-go however for the reasons previously stated.

 

Second, and I think I mentioned it before, gene heriatage is one of the most important things to a SM. And Post Heresy, keeping track of loyal Chapters is very important to those in power. Its not impossible, but very difficult to come up with a workable reason for an unknown Chapter ... unless you're those wise few that make video games and care nothing about the 40k universe.

 

Lastly, as for finding a planet of unknown SMs ... I think the first thing that would be considered is that they were from a Heretic or Renagade Chapter and they'd be killed ... just to be safe. The Imperium always plays it safe in these matters. Unknown super warriors are just too dangerous to let live.

 

EDIT: That being said, my only approved Chapter has no knowlege of their gene heriatage. Someone does, just not them ... with reason.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

*snip*

 

I'm sorry Ydalir, Shinzaren, and everyone else who has editted for me... I will know have to rethink half of what I've said in response to edits, and am much more likely to listen because of what I qouted. :)

 

Now that that's over...

 

Corvi, I understand where you are coming from. I really do, it's been pointed out to me how I defend my ideas a little too well.

 

This is indeed fiction. However, there is certain parts of this fiction, through common sense (and/or GW saying so) is factual and therefor cannot be bended.

 

Example: not knowing when you are founded. There are 3 reasons why this is weakens your plot and harms your IA... remember, the editors are here because they want to make your chapter better. Not ruin it.

 

1) If a group of marines appeared out of nowhere 300 years ago, with absolutely no reason to be there, they would probably be removed. Violently.

 

2) If they only have records to 300 years ago, the Adeptus will probably have more. Notice, this could be used to you advantage... Say having sporadic records in the Adeptus that the latest is a few years after the 12 founding... Therefore it is widely accepted that they came from the 11th or 12th Founding.

 

3) This won't screw up who your Primarch was, which geneseed they have, in certain cases. If you plan to be a chapter that had Dorn as their primarch their geneseed will have failures - I can't remember what they are off the top of my head - that will identify them as sons of Dorn.

 

Please, listen to them, and I. We've been doing this for a while, give us some credit for that.

[NightrawenII]

- Yeah, except they are no more than 300 years old. So even if the Chapter doesn't have the records, the Adeptus of Terra *will* have them, the adepts aren't *that* forgetful.

 

Just like they do for the Blood Ravens right? Pah!

Ecritter said it for me. I want just add, the Blood Ravens and some of other official Chapters wouldn't survive in the Liber for more than 5 seconds. This is very harsh and vicious place. Weak must die, for the strong to prosper.

 

1, Why is my Chapter not allowed to be older than 300 years? Why is it not allowed to be thousands of years old?

Because setting their official founding in M41 deny such notion. :)

 

2, Why is it not allowed for my Chapter to have an air of mystery about them, I personally like it alot?

The mystery is fine. But the way you are creating such atmosphere is wrong. See below.

 

Also, there are no First Founding Chapters that match the ethos of my Chapter?

Ah, so that's the problem?

Now, listen carefully, I will share with you one of the mysteries of DIY:

Gene-seed is largely irrelevant for the DIY Chapter.

The First Founding Chapters are fine templates, but you are not obliged to follow their set example. Chapters are influenced far more by their history, beliefs or homeworld than the gene-seed. Of course some gene-seed brings additional *luggage* into fold, like the BA's Red Thirst or DA's Hunt of the Fallen, but people pick up these, because they like this specific theme. If you don't want or like theme present in the 1st Foundings, pick up the Ultramarines one. Its advantage is that it's blank. You can twist, modify and mould their successor as you please.

 

If you don't believe me, look at these successors of Ultramarines(Praetors of Orpheus, Mortifactors, White Consuls, Doom Eagles, Aurora Chapter, Silver Skulls, Howling Griffons).

 

The Imperium, guided to Thraxus Prime through a strange Psychic energy, were amazed to find a large population of humans and unarmoured space marines living in a city fortification. When demands as to what chapter they hailed from were given, none knew, but Space Marine and Human alike swore duty to the Emperor and knew only of the ritual ways to become an Adeptus Astartes and had the trials in place for those to become Neophytes from the human populace. Loyalty to the Emperor was strong, but the existance of others like themselves was absent from these Marines. They had been completely cut off for a very long time and their personal history obviously and most deliberately hidden from them generations ago.

Now, the problems with this story are the same like with the lost company.

Your marines somehow ends up on this planet without equipment and striped off their armour. This planet is somehow hidden for 10.000 years. And the marines somehow find the way to pass their gene-seed on the next generations.

 

There is too many *somehow* in this story for me to believe it. The most important one (and the most breaking) is the gene-seed. The surgery is very arduous and difficult task and you will need a laboratory with high-tech equipment. Thats not something you can find everywhere.

 

The Imperium, guided to Thraxus Prime through a strange Psychic energy.

- If this is true, then there is Genestealer-infestation on the planet.

 

At last, I'm frequent visitor of this forum for about year and it doesn't create any mystery for me... it screams at me Loyalists Traitors! from the start.

[Apothete]

Now that that's over...

 

Corvi, I understand where you are coming from. I really do, it's been pointed out to me how I defend my ideas a little too well.

 

No, you defend your ideas too stubbornly/

 

The problem is not that your rationalizations are too good, it's that they aren't reflected in the actual writing for which you're receiving criticism. In that regard, you and Corvi do have something in common.

 

This is indeed fiction. However, there is certain parts of this fiction, through common sense (and/or GW saying so) is factual and therefor cannot be bended.

 

I disagree completely.

 

There is almost nothing that can't be bent, altered, twisted, or otherwise made to serve the author of a writeup provided the change is well supported and consistent enough to allow belief. The information we have about the shared universe is speculation, pompous historical cheastbeating, deliberate propaganda or misdirection, and worse. The trick lies in finding a way to either blend into the existing fluff or to build up your own writing to a degree that the cracks aren't so apparent and people are willing to play along.

 

...

 

Corvi, don't give up on your project and continue to develop your ideas if you think that they're as great as you evidently do. However, if you want the advice and assistance of the Liber, you might want to read up on the commonly accepted beliefs and practices in these parts. You can find links to much of this material in my signature at the end of my post.

 

You're absolutely free to write and enjoy whatever you want to. We're not required to like it or cheerlead for it if it doesn't make any sense to us, though.

[Dark Apostle Thirst]

Now that that's over...

 

Corvi, I understand where you are coming from. I really do, it's been pointed out to me how I defend my ideas a little too well.

 

No, you defend your ideas too stubbornly/

 

The problem is not that your rationalizations are too good, it's that they aren't reflected in the actual writing for which you're receiving criticism. In that regard, you and Corvi do have something in common.

I was trying to be nice to myself, by phrasing it differently, but basicly yes, I agree with you. It's why I was trying to reach out to Corvi, I recognise where he is coming from as I've been in the situation myself, and now that I am in the Editors shoes... I feel sorry for causing you guys the trouble I have. 14+ pages of it.

 

As for the fiction... to each his own. My post was simply my opinion based on my observations.

[Apothete]

As for the fiction... to each his own. My post was simply my opinion based on my observations.

 

Yes, and as we've pointed out to you before, opinions are wonderful things. They're even better when supported.