The Grey Hawks

[Aegnor]

Have had a couple of ideas for a custom chapter I want to develop - this is the first version. I've got a significantly different one now, but I might try to flesh both out fully in time. Still got quite a bit to write, but would be interested in any feedback or ideas. Essentially, they're a chapter that has been decimated and become consequently developed a speciality with regards to guerrilla tactics and the application of cunning over brute force, as they slowly try to rebuild.

Chapter Name: Grey Hawks

Home World: Balin

Founding: 19th Founding

Primogenitor: Ultramarines

Status: Active

Emblem: TBA

Chapter Master: TBA

Battle Cry: tba

Size: (est.) 700

Livery:

Origins

The Grey Hawks were founded as part of the 19th Founding, using the Holy Geneseed of the noble Ultramarine chapter. For a period of time they operated under the tutelage of the Ultramarines, as a detachment operating from Maccagre in concert with their illustrious cousins chapter.

Balin

In the year 652.M37 of our Holy Emperor’s reign, the Ultramarines were called upon to dislodge the world of Balin, in the Segmentum Ultima from an invading force of the greenskins that formed a part of the Waaaaagh Ugluk. Having overrun this Imperial planet, the ork horde had dug themselves into a series of caverns that ran throughout the continent spanning mountain range that ran like a spine down the major landmass and had gathered there in vast numbers, and it was deemed that the noble warriors of the Adeptus Astartes would be required to dislodge the menace.

The then Lord Maccagre dispatched the Grey Hawks for their first fully independent campaign. The Greys as they were known tackled the task with the zeal, efficiency and pride that was to be expected from scions of Rouboute Guilliman. They used the limited confines of the caverns to funnel the orks into battlegrounds where the xenos scum could not bring their superior numbers to bear, and demonstrated a thoroughness in not only destroying all the enemy, but irradicating any trace of the savages, to prevent subsequent arisings.

After three years of campaigning, the world of Balin was declared clensed, and the process of rebuilding began. The Lord Maccagre confirmed that the Grey Hawks were ready to operate as a separate chapter, and their Chapter Master elected to establish a fortress monastry and home world on the planet of Balin.

The Eyrie

The Eyrie was the Fortress Monastry of the Grey Hawks, placed amongst the misty highest peaks of the main mountain range of Balin. The Fortress itself is formidable, and there are several secret entrances, accessible only by the Grey Hawks within the caverns beneath it.

The Samedhi Campaign

The Grey Hawks served the Imperium with distinction for the next 1000 years, smiting the enemies of humanity be they the sly Eldar, the foolish rebel, or the ever-present threat of the Ork. They participated in several crusades, and gained a great reputation in their section of the segment.

The defining events of the Hawks history were to occur during the Samedhi campaign. Samedhi was a forge world in the same subsector as Balin. In 588.M38 the entire world suddenly erupted in rebellion against Imperial rule – the Imperial representatives and Mechanicum potentates were executed, the astropathic choir were murdered, and the elements of the plantary military that did not join the rebellion were ruthlessly purged.

The wheels of the Imperium can at times grind slowly, but given Samedhi’s importance as a source of munitions and equipment for the subsector’s military apparatus, its lapse into rebellion and heresy was soon noted. The process of assembling a crusade force of Imperial Guard was commenced, but the sub-sector governor, in an attempt to seize the initiative asked the Grey Hawks to strike immediately to seek to smash the rebellion, or at best secure a beachhead that the gathering crusade could use to deploy within.

The Grey Hawks dispatched the best part of their strength to the campaign and struck with their customary zeal. They represented the best qualities of the Adeptus Astartes and soon made quick progress in securing the requested beachhead. Indeed, their initial momentum seemed at one point likely to end the entire matter without requiring further assistance as they neared the core of the rebelling forces.

However, the rebels were on their home ground, had access to the vast armouries and production facilities of Samedhi, which remained intact through the rebellion, and further, appeared to be led in an extremely cunning matter. Time and again the Hawks struck at perceived weak point or at what appeared to be the leadership of the rebellion, only to discover themselves facing massive firepower from entrenched foes, with their chance for a decisive blow gone. It is not in the nature of any of the Astartes, let alone sons of Guilliman, to consider defeat, but it became apparent that the momentum of the Greys initial assault was petering out as they became embroiled in a protracted campaign. Patience and thoroughness were characteristics the Chapter-Master, Euron, possessed in large quantities, but he chafed at the frustrating nature of the conflict and was conscious that if he could not prosecute the campaign himself, the Imperial Guard would lose many thousands, perhaps tens of thousands of troops, attempting to regain the world. This concern left Euron perhaps over-eager for a decisive battle.

The Massacre of Kamus

Such an opportunity appeared to have presented itself when the atmospheric jamming and flak-shields of the rebels over the capital cleared sufficiently to permit the Hawks’ fleet of Strike Cruisers the chance to directly bombard the capital. As the bombardment commenced, orbital surveillance detected what appeared to be the leadership fleeing the capital with the core of the rebel forces towards the redoubt of Kamus. Euron had little hesitation in committing the significant majority of his strength, fully 500 marines, to a position to head off the rebels and tear the heart out of the Samedhi heresy. He left only a core of veterans to guard their base and scouts who were not equipped for an open battlefield. He did not pause to consider that he was being funnelled in the same way his predecessors had directed the attentions of the greenskins of Balin.

Upon deploying, the Greys swiftly engaged and destroyed the travelling convoy of rebels. Euron barely had time to consider the significance of the lack of apparent leaders or elite troops within that convoy before the rebels sprung their trap. The massive factorium buildings that had formed the topography for the battle of Kamus shattered and the Greys were dismayed to find themselves facing a host of enemy Titans, supported by the elite forces of the rebels.

500 Space Marines is a force capable of conquering planets and overthrowing empires, but in the confined space of Kamus, taken at surprise, and faced with several Warlord and Warhound Titans, cut off by resurgent atmospheric interference and enemy aircraft from hope of reinforcement or extraction, the Grey Hawks faced an impossible situation. Great odes have been written to the heroism of Euron and his men in the hopeless battle that followed, but they are considered too devastating to be recited save on the most solemn of occasions. It is held that no member of the Greys shamed their chapter or fought to anything less than the last extremity of their strength, but the mega-weapons of the Titans worked methodically over the Astartes warriors, who were denied any room to manoeuvre or escape the sustained fire, and whose power armour offered little protection against the scale of ordinance unleashed upon them. In turn, although the Greys succeeded in taking down at least two of the enemy Warhound Titans, in that circumstance, they had no hope of damaging the larger Warlords, or of fighting their way clear.

Only a handful of Grey Hawks escaped the massacre, surely guided by the Emperor to withdraw to the Hawks base and report what had transpired. These survivors reported that Euron stood to the end, slaying his enemies and defying the massive war-machines to the very last, before a near direct blast from a Warlord’s volcano cannon had rendered even him unconscious. The remaining Hawks had carried their Lord on their back, and eventually managed to escape via tunnels blown open by the ferocity of the bombardment they endured. Fully nine in ten of the Marines who deployed to Kamus were slaughtered in what remains the darkest day in the Chapter’s history.

The Guerrilla War

The shattered remnants of the Hawks expedition were faced with two unpalatable options – continued fighting against a massively superior force with only the fraction of their force, many of whom were badly wounded, or suffer the ignominy of withdrawal and defeat, risking further destruction as their fleet craft attempted to breach the interdiction the rebels now maintained. Euron, after a period of three days contemplation opted for a third choice. Recognising that his handful of fit marines and scouts could not challenge a Titan supported army by themselves, and unwilling to admit defeat, Euron elected to wage a guerrilla war against the rebels of Samedhi.

The Hawks became creatures of the night, secreting themselves away during daylight to emerge in the dark, killing as many of the enemy as they could, but also seeking to take prisoners as often as possible to interrogate for intelligence as to other targets they might hunt. Soon the rebels came to fear the night and the unseen predators more than their own overlords, and the rebel leadership had to resort to increasingly brutal punishments to maintain the obedience of their followers.

This work was satisfying in a small way, but seemed to offer little hope of achieving victory, or even a significant blow to the enemy. Euron also ached to strike back at the Titans that had devastated his Marines. The turning point came when a patrol of his scouts stumbled across a cell of Samedhi loyalists who had been subsisting on the run since the planet’s fall into Heresy. Amongst those loyalists were factorium workers and maintenance crews who were able to show Euron previously hidden routes around the industrial world. A maintenance worker revealed the answer to the mystery of the Titans’ presence – the Titans had been cycled to Samedhi for maintenance and overhaul shortly after the rebellion occurred. The rebels had maintained the pretence until they had been able to imprison the crew away from their machines, before torturing and killing half the crews to extract the secrets of their machine-gods’ use.

Euron now had a new hope to achieve his vengeance. With the local area knowledge of the loyalist cell, and the information that some of the original Titan crews might still be held hostage in the capital, he had the beginnings of a plan – if he could find a way to free those crew, and get them to their Titans, then they could strike a truly decisive blow.

TO BE CONTINUED

[NightrawenII]

Welcome in the Liber.

We have here the Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0.

 

Essentially, they're a chapter that has been decimated and become consequently developed a speciality with regards to guerrilla tactics and the application of cunning over brute force, as they slowly try to rebuild.

I don't want to be overly sceptical, but this a common method used in the DIY and in most cases it leads to the crazy ideas and pitfalls of the IA. Be carefull and don't overdo it.

 

Origins

For a period of time they operated under the tutelage of the Ultramarines, as a detachment operating from Maccagre in concert with their illustrious cousins chapter.

- Are you still talking about the Ultras or another UM successors? If the former, the "parent" is more suitable attribution.

 

In the year 652.M37 of our Holy Emperor’s reign,

*yada yada yada*

The then Lord Maccagre dispatched the Grey Hawks for their first fully independent campaign.

- M37 is thousand of years after the 19th Founding. Your Chapter will be battle-ready around the end of M35 already.

 

Patience and thoroughness were characteristics the Chapter-Master, Euron, possessed in large quantities, but he chafed at the frustrating nature of the conflict and was conscious that if he could not prosecute the campaign himself, the Imperial Guard would lose many thousands, perhaps tens of thousands of troops, attempting to regain the world.

- Dying for the Emperor is the *duty* of the IG. No fuss over must. :eek

 

Upon deploying, the Greys swiftly engaged and destroyed the travelling convoy of rebels.

- This is the matter of preferences. But don't call them Greys. Hawks, Marines or Astartes.

 

For the rest... You are falling in the same pit like many DIYers before you. The IA is not *The Comprehensive Study of the Grey Hawk's History, Deeds and Battles* but an essey on their nature and character.

You are NOT writing a story of your Chapter, but you ARE telling us *who* are the Grey Hawks.

 

Hope this help.

[Aegnor]

Yeah, I guess the decimation then rebuilding phase device is one way that occurs to people to explain why their chapter is different from others - some kind of trauma would explain a divergence, but could see how it could get over done.

 

I hadn't seen the timeline and will make some adjustments - thanks for the steer.

[Aegnor]

Any other responses?

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Not only is the Liber a slow board, notoriously so, but the post-holiday period is usually a real downturn in member presence.

 

Also, NightwaranII has hit the nail pretty much on the head, as usual.

 

Once you've read the DIY guides that Night linked, write a second draft and replace this one, you'll gain more comments through constant work on your IA rather than bumping your own thread asking for replies (bumping is frowned upon unless it's a status update).

 

Oh and a quick piece of advice.

 

Chapter Name: Grey Hawks

Home World: Balin

Founding: 19th Founding

Primogenitor: Ultramarines

Status: Active

Emblem: TBA

Chapter Master: TBA

Battle Cry: tba

Size: (est.) 700

 

Any sort of stratified or overly detailed description of any part of the chapter usually detracts from the overall experience of reading your IA. Lists, tables and anything with a decimal place or percentage symbol after it should be viewed warily. Stats are not interesting, personality and character are.

[Heru]

For the rest... You are falling in the same pit like many DIYers before you. The IA is not *The Comprehensive Study of the Grey Hawk's History, Deeds and Battles* but an essey on their nature and character.

You are NOT writing a story of your Chapter, but you ARE telling us *who* are the Grey Hawks.

That is assuming he is doing an IA and not a FA (Fabrica Astartes aka Forge World Imperial Armour article).

 

As it looks just now, it looks pretty much like the start of an FA (stats, battle listings etc). All it's missing from FA standards is an Organization section, and a few addendums.

[NightrawenII]

That is assuming he is doing an IA and not a FA (Fabrica Astartes aka Forge World Imperial Armour article).

 

As it looks just now, it looks pretty much like the start of an FA (stats, battle listings etc). All it's missing from FA standards is an Organization section, and a few addendums.

True.

I was thinking about asking, but he is not complaining so I let it slip. :cuss

 

Now, if this is the CA (Compedium Astartes ;) ), then...

The Cleansing of Balin is wanting. Given the fact that Balin is going to be Chapter's homeworld, the explanation why was chosen is in the place. This is also oportunity to give us insight into Balin's culture and how the Balinians fought off the Ork invasion.

 

The Samedhi Campaign is overflowing with details, often unnecessary. It's important to tell us, what effect had this incident on the Chapter. The actions during the campaign itself aren't that important, so they should be kept at minimum.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

That is assuming he is doing an IA and not a FA (Fabrica Astartes aka Forge World Imperial Armour article).

 

Though the fact that the Liber Astartes subforum is geared specifically towards the creation of DIY IA's makes that assumption a safe one to make. All the stickied guides and information are primarily for the use in the creation of an IA and all the user-created guides and advice articles are indeed for the same purpose.

 

I'd rather not have to ask 20 questions as to just what type of article someone was aiming for when they posted in the Liber every single time just so we could get off the starting blocks. Not only that but a lot of people only know about IA's because of having posted in the Liber, and then being forcibly educated, a lot may not know any other types of article exist and to be honest I'd forgotten anything other than IA's really existed. Though that's more down to my own narrow focus on IA's and their content than anything else.

[Aegnor]

Yeah, it was meant to be an IA. I think I probably lifted the stats bit at the front from how Lexicanum do their chapter entries - thanks for the advice.

 

Thanks also for the advice on the subforum etiquette - certainly wasn't meaning to be rude :huh:

 

Partly what you've identified I think is that my idea for this chapter was actually two ideas that didnt go especially well together - the Samedhi campaign section IS overly long but was going to be the bridge linking the two ideas, but since reading the DIY guides, have come to the conclusion the two should be separated as two chapters. This will be quite a change, so will update once I do the rewrite.

 

Thanks for the feedback everyone who's responded

[Heru]

First, my apologises to Aegnor for being off topic, but I want to reply to GHY's post.

 

That is assuming he is doing an IA and not a FA (Fabrica Astartes aka Forge World Imperial Armour article).

 

Though the fact that the Liber Astartes subforum is geared specifically towards the creation of DIY IA's makes that assumption a safe one to make. All the stickied guides and information are primarily for the use in the creation of an IA and all the user-created guides and advice articles are indeed for the same purpose.

 

I'd rather not have to ask 20 questions as to just what type of article someone was aiming for when they posted in the Liber every single time just so we could get off the starting blocks. Not only that but a lot of people only know about IA's because of having posted in the Liber, and then being forcibly educated, a lot may not know any other types of article exist and to be honest I'd forgotten anything other than IA's really existed. Though that's more down to my own narrow focus on IA's and their content than anything else.

I'm going to assume your recent absence made you miss the rather large discussion that went on in regards to the topic: HERE (ok it's about naming the new article type, but the purpose of the Liber is also discussed therein).

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Fair enough. However, after reading through all of that I honestly wish I could get the time back so it could be better spent elsewhere. The discussion was going in circles in a long drawn out fashion. I wish I had been here to vote "yes", and I also wish I'd been here to throw in a vote against letting such things become too commonplace.

 

*Rant middle snipped*

 

 

Ok that was a bit of a rant and I must apologize for derailing your thread so completely Aegnor, I'll refrain from posting anything else about it here.