Espada Azul Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Apothete: Oh I know you displayed enough tough love in this thread, but it's not exactly wrecking ball material :) Lakota Wolf: You asked for evidence, I linked you a transcript of the original WD 98 article. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2604932 Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakotaWolf Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 i read it azul........as far as for the liber there will be no mention......i am gonna still keep them in...........round here no one really cares..............most people proxy here on half of their stuff...........i play wysiwyg............if its on the model they have it Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2604985 Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakotaWolf Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Homeworld Kyushu VII is located half way between Raikan and Deliverance in the Segmentum Tempestus. It'ss a planet mostly covered in water. There are Nine Islands. Each are ruled by Daimyo's (clans). The Islands have lush green grass, plants, trees, rolling hills and mountains. The inhabitants are made up of four castes (farmers, artisans, merchants, and warriors). Due to the planet mostly being covered by water, 50% of the year, Kyushu VII is hit by tempestuous storms and rain. Otherwise the climate is very moderate. The Largest of the Islands, Taito, is the home of the Rising Suns. The Rising Suns live in a mountain side monestary in the city of Azumi. The other islands Tokoshima, Atsugi, Otsu, Arakawa, Kofu, Toshima, Matsudo, and Ichikawa very in size and strengths in what caste mostly inhabitate it. Though all of the islands do have a strong warrior class as they have had a strong civil war to decide which Daimyo should rule. Organization The chapter is organized as the Codex Astartes dictates with ten companies. The First Company being the veteran company. The second thru fifth are battle companies. The seventh thru ninth being reserve. The tenth company being scouts. Each company is 100 man strong. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605006 Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakotaWolf Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 Origins At the beginning of 738M41 the Cult of Promethean have petitioned to the High Lords of Terra to create a new chapter derived from the gene-seed of Vulcan. The petition was granted and the Salamanders sent a detachment of marines to undergo the founding and take up the task of gathering aspirants, a time consuming task as the world was ablaze in civil war between nine clans or Daimyo as the inhabitants call them As the members of the Salamanders collect the youth to undertake the conditioning to become scouts. It is evident that the biological structure of these people have proved to take to it well as evident in the numbers. It is only once in a long time that you will get more than a handful of aspirant scouts that pass the first part of their trial but of the first batch of 10000 we have had 47 survive and take to the augmentation including a select few that have shown signs of latent psyker powers that properly groomed could be the first Liberians of the chapter .... 758M41... A chapter has been forged and has been given the name the Rising Suns as homage to when the sun abolishes the Rain that is so evident on the planet Kyushu VII. A chapter fortress has been constructed upon the Highest Peak of the Main continent and been gifted a small fleet of ships including the Battle Barge Yamamoto Homeworld Kyushu VII is located half way between Raikan and Deliverance in the Segmentum Tempestus. It'ss a planet mostly covered in water. There are Nine Islands. Each are ruled by Daimyo's (clans). The Islands have lush green grass, plants, trees, rolling hills and mountains. The inhabitants are made up of four castes (farmers, artisans, merchants, and warriors). Due to the planet mostly being covered by water, 50% of the year, Kyushu VII is hit by tempestuous storms and rain. Otherwise the climate is very moderate. The Largest of the Islands, Taito, is the home of the Rising Suns. The Rising Suns live in a mountain side monestary in the city of Azumi. The other islands Tokoshima, Atsugi, Otsu, Arakawa, Kofu, Toshima, Matsudo, and Ichikawa very in size and strengths in what caste mostly inhabitate it. Though all of the islands do have a strong warrior class as they have had a strong civil war to decide which Daimyo should rule. Organization The chapter is organized as the Codex Astartes dictates with ten companies. The First Company being the veteran company. The second thru fifth are battle companies. The seventh thru ninth being reserve. The tenth company being scouts. Each company is 100 man strong. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605106 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecritter Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Origins Chapters aren't founded that way ... well it happened once. Put them in an established founding, and we don't know exact dates on those ... so just say ?? Founding. Homeworld Looks good mostly. Hard to believe that the entire planet is moderate all the time .. not impossible though. Overall it just need a lot more fleshing out. Organization Just say they're Codex Adherent. Only really need to explain any differences .... we all know what a Codex chapter works like. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605111 Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 At the beginning of 738M41 the Cult of Promethean have petitioned to the High Lords of Terra to create a new chapter derived from the gene-seed of Vulcan. - Simple question: Why? It is evident that the biological structure of these people have proved to take to it well as evident in the numbers. - Delete the bolded part. ... and been gifted a small fleet of ships including the Battle Barge Yamamoto. Hm, I'm not going to comment on this one... ;) Though all of the islands do have a strong warrior class as they have had a strong civil war to decide which Daimyo should rule. - strong... strong... - If the each clan rule one island, then the wars would be fought mostly on the sea. Origins Chapters aren't founded that way ... well it happened once. Put them in an established founding, and we don't know exact dates on those ... so just say ?? Founding. Except for the 26th Founding: 738M.41. :lol: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605239 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 What's with the writing styles? This: i read it azul........as far as for the liber there will be no mention......i am gonna still keep them in...........round here no one really cares..............most people proxy here on half of their stuff...........i play wysiwyg............if its on the model they have it And this: Homeworld Kyushu VII is located half way between Raikan and Deliverance in the Segmentum Tempestus. It'ss a planet mostly covered in water. There are Nine Islands. Each are ruled by Daimyo's (clans). The Islands have lush green grass, plants, trees, rolling hills and mountains. The inhabitants are made up of four castes (farmers, artisans, merchants, and warriors). Due to the planet mostly being covered by water, 50% of the year, Kyushu VII is hit by tempestuous storms and rain. Otherwise the climate is very moderate. The Largest of the Islands, Taito, is the home of the Rising Suns. The Rising Suns live in a mountain side monestary in the city of Azumi. The other islands Tokoshima, Atsugi, Otsu, Arakawa, Kofu, Toshima, Matsudo, and Ichikawa very in size and strengths in what caste mostly inhabitate it. Though all of the islands do have a strong warrior class as they have had a strong civil war to decide which Daimyo should rule. Because this: i read it azul........as far as for the liber there will be no mention......i am gonna still keep them in...........round here no one really cares..............most people proxy here on half of their stuff...........i play wysiwyg............if its on the model they have it Is really annoying to read. It's not even overuse of elipses, it's just.........plain wrong. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605543 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heru Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Is really annoying to read. It's not even overuse of elipses, it's just.........plain wrong. I would have said it is because he is young, but his profile says he is 40... :lol: Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605551 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donkey Kong Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 What's with the writing styles? To answer your question: When i was in High School........no one thought i would ever go to college..........when i was in college......i found out i had severe ADHD..............no one thought i would graduate..........when i graduated i went to a Master's Program..........i had a teacher tell me i shouldnt be there i wasnt smart enough........i have my Master's..........my point is all my years of education it was an uphill battle.........but i never gave up..........when i write and speak i have a hard time getting my thoughts out clear and concisely Page 2, Post 31 I agree it's annoying to read, but I thought I'd be nice enough to deal with it. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605653 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 What's with the writing styles? To answer your question: When i was in High School........no one thought i would ever go to college..........when i was in college......i found out i had severe ADHD..............no one thought i would graduate..........when i graduated i went to a Master's Program..........i had a teacher tell me i shouldnt be there i wasnt smart enough........i have my Master's..........my point is all my years of education it was an uphill battle.........but i never gave up..........when i write and speak i have a hard time getting my thoughts out clear and concisely Page 2, Post 31 I agree it's annoying to read, but I thought I'd be nice enough to deal with it. It doesn't actually answer the question ol' son.. He can write coherently when composing the IA pieces yet not in reply to questions or criticism. And the only part that has any even theoretical bearing is the ADHD.. But then there's the Masters to consider. I appreciate that you want to set me straight, but I disagree. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605654 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ace Debonair Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 It doesn't actually answer the question ol' son.. He can write coherently when composing the IA pieces yet not in reply to questions or criticism. Dramatic Pauses, ala William Shatner. ;) Sorry, I couldn't resist. ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605788 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Tyler Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 I think that we can get back to providing constructive criticism on the material now. If the presentation isn't conducive to reading, we can say so in a constructive manner. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605794 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain Juan Juarez Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 If the presentation isn't conducive to reading, we can say so in a constructive manner. I'd like to think I covered the above quite succinctly. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605797 Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakotaWolf Posted January 3, 2011 Author Share Posted January 3, 2011 What's with the writing styles? This: i read it azul........as far as for the liber there will be no mention......i am gonna still keep them in...........round here no one really cares..............most people proxy here on half of their stuff...........i play wysiwyg............if its on the model they have it And this: Homeworld Kyushu VII is located half way between Raikan and Deliverance in the Segmentum Tempestus. It'ss a planet mostly covered in water. There are Nine Islands. Each are ruled by Daimyo's (clans). The Islands have lush green grass, plants, trees, rolling hills and mountains. The inhabitants are made up of four castes (farmers, artisans, merchants, and warriors). Due to the planet mostly being covered by water, 50% of the year, Kyushu VII is hit by tempestuous storms and rain. Otherwise the climate is very moderate. The Largest of the Islands, Taito, is the home of the Rising Suns. The Rising Suns live in a mountain side monestary in the city of Azumi. The other islands Tokoshima, Atsugi, Otsu, Arakawa, Kofu, Toshima, Matsudo, and Ichikawa very in size and strengths in what caste mostly inhabitate it. Though all of the islands do have a strong warrior class as they have had a strong civil war to decide which Daimyo should rule. Because this: i read it azul........as far as for the liber there will be no mention......i am gonna still keep them in...........round here no one really cares..............most people proxy here on half of their stuff...........i play wysiwyg............if its on the model they have it Is really annoying to read. It's not even overuse of elipses, it's just.........plain wrong. What's with the writing styles? To answer your question: When i was in High School........no one thought i would ever go to college..........when i was in college......i found out i had severe ADHD..............no one thought i would graduate..........when i graduated i went to a Master's Program..........i had a teacher tell me i shouldnt be there i wasnt smart enough........i have my Master's..........my point is all my years of education it was an uphill battle.........but i never gave up..........when i write and speak i have a hard time getting my thoughts out clear and concisely Page 2, Post 31 I agree it's annoying to read, but I thought I'd be nice enough to deal with it. It doesn't actually answer the question ol' son.. He can write coherently when composing the IA pieces yet not in reply to questions or criticism. And the only part that has any even theoretical bearing is the ADHD.. But then there's the Masters to consider. I appreciate that you want to set me straight, but I disagree. let me give you a suggestion.......if you dont like how i type.......then dont bother reading...........i may have problems but at least i am not a jerk (trust me i can think of better words) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605802 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Telveryon Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 let me give you a suggestion.......if you dont like how i type.......then dont bother reading........... It's an attitude like this that will gut just about ever criticism for your chapter thus defeating the purpose of posting it on these boards wasting both your and our time. If you can write properly, then why don't you? Out of spite? Because it's definitely not helping your chapter in any way. i may have problems but at least i am not a jerk It doesn't look like it from here. (trust me i can think of better words) Yep, most definitely. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605830 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecritter Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 Origins Chapters aren't founded that way ... well it happened once. Put them in an established founding, and we don't know exact dates on those ... so just say ?? Founding. Except for the 26th Founding: 738M.41. :) I was hoping you wouldn't notice that, its the exception to the rule. Still its better just to give the founding number. If we know the date no need to give it again, if not no need to make one up, that's all I'm saying. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605846 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Octavulg Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 We also know the date of the 3rd founding and whatever founding it is the Howling Griffons came from (though we don't know which one that is). Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605885 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecritter Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 We also know the date of the 3rd founding and whatever founding it is the Howling Griffons came from (though we don't know which one that is). True, but its hardly important for the IA. At least in my opinion. And like I said, if we already know it, there's no need to repeat it. In the end, needed or not, its inclusion would be up to the writer I guess. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605889 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Tyler Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 And that's the last of the little cheap shots that I want to see in this discussion - for everyone involved. The goal of these discussions is to provide feedback and to help other members. If you get a sense that the member isn't receptive to your feedback, then your best solution is to just ignore the discussion. The converse of this is that the member has to be receptive to the feedback, but is in no way required to act on the recommendations. The member needs to have the good grace to realize that feedback is going to be "critical". There might be some agreement on things that will be done, but it's in our nature to focus on those things we see negatively and to express those criticisms. This isn't (or rather, shouldn't be) an attack on the member, but criticism offered in the spirit of helping the member to improve the product. Not everyone is going to agree on things, so the final arbiter is the member that is writing the Chapter article. Everyone needs to act like an adult. Mod voice off. One could just as easily say "Founded in M#". This leaves it open enough to cover multiple foundings, and is pretty much what GW/FW have done except where specific foundings such as the 2nd, 13th, 21st, and 26th come into play. This is enough to give is a temporal reference point without requiring too much explanation or research on the part of the author (although it's not bad to do a little more research, if desired). Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605898 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ecritter Posted January 3, 2011 Share Posted January 3, 2011 One could just as easily say "Founded in M#". This leaves it open enough to cover multiple foundings, and is pretty much what GW/FW have done except where specific foundings such as the 2nd, 13th, 21st, and 26th come into play. This is enough to give is a temporal reference point without requiring too much explanation or research on the part of the author (although it's not bad to do a little more research, if desired). That works as well. Looking back at my original White Hand article, it simply listed M36 so no argument from me there. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605903 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Espada Azul Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Actually I don't think the exact date is critical for a Liber Article, and one could get away with either a vague estimate like M36 or somesuch, or even an estimated length of service (the Chapter has been serving in X system for X millennium). Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605930 Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakotaWolf Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 Okay I do apologise for being kinda mean But Here is what I have to offer You do not need to accept this But you could use it as a Idea and the Like I will change certain things just to give you an Idea on how you could do things and the Like At the Beginning of M?? ??? (add what ever date to correspond with your Founding) and The Cult of Promethean have Petitioned to the High Lords of Terra to create a New Chapter Derived from the Geneseed of Vulcan. The petition was Granted and the Salamanders sent a detachment of Marines to undergo the Founding and take up the task of gathering aspirants, a time consuming Task as the world was ablaze in civil war between different Clans ruled over By what the inhabitants of the world refer to as Daimyo. As the members of the Salamanders Collect the Youth to undertake the conditioning to become Scouts It is evident that the Biological structure of these people have proved to take to it well as evident in the numbers It is only once in a long time that you will get more than a handful of aspirant Scouts that pass the first part of their trial but of the first batch of 10000 we have had 47 survive and take to the augmentation including a select few that have shown signs of Latent psker powers that properly groomed could be the first Liberians of the chapter .... Fast forward X amount of time ... A Chapter has been Forged and has Been given the Name the Rising Suns as homage to when the sun abolishes the Rain that is so evident on the Planet Kyushu IV a chapter fortress has been constructed upon the Highest Peak of the Main continent and been gifted a small Fleet of ships including the Battle Barge <Insert name> Now other than the Battle Brothers of the Chapter are their allotment of Chapter Serfs However this differs from the Norm In the Day to Day Culture of these people the Females are as bigger Part of society as the Males And due to Females not being able to take the path to become a Battle Brother, the Rising Suns have taken to solely using Females as their Chapter Serfs they also serve as The Planets PDF and on the Rare Occasion are Taken to battle as well their Losses are Recorded the Same As a Battle Brother for surprisingly these are viewed as a Valuable asset to the Chapter and not just Servants. thats what whitefireinferno responded to me with after he looked at my original orgin and fixed it up....i put in the dates of the 26th founding that i got off the Lexicanum Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605974 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 Due to the planet mostly being covered by water, 50% of the year, Kyushu VII is hit by tempestuous storms and rain. Is the planet only covered in water 50% of the year or is it only hit by storms 50% of the year? It's just not clear from this sentence. Though all of the islands do have a strong warrior class as they have had a strong civil war to decide which Daimyo should rule. With such limited landmass on the planet, I would also expect a tremendous amount of inter-island warfare. Is this the case? How big are these islands? I'm sorry, but my paradigm of an island is a small to moderately sized landmass -- something like New Zealand or Japan. How would a planet with only 9 landmasses this size support a full marine chapter? Perhaps these islands are larger than my paradigm. If that is the case, then my point may be moot. ;) I do like the idea for your chapter. My one piece of advice is don't give up. This is a public forum with public advice and opinions. Weigh the inputs and press on. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2605997 Share on other sites More sharing options...
LakotaWolf Posted January 4, 2011 Author Share Posted January 4, 2011 what i pictured in my head would be much closer to earth before the shifting of the plates.........the land masses would not be that far off from each other storms 50% of the year i sorta had Rashomon in my head when i thought of how the world looked Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2606019 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Claudius Posted January 4, 2011 Share Posted January 4, 2011 i sorta had Rashomon in my head when i thought of how the world looked Not familiar with the film, but I assume you are referring to the society and not the planet? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/218173-the-rising-suns/page/4/#findComment-2606026 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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