Ural Bears

[Brother Tolstoy]

[center; background-image:url(http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/hq2.gif); background-repeat: no-repeat; background-position: 8px 2px; padding: 12px 8px 12px 8px; border: 1px solid #DDD; margin-left: 0 auto; text-align: left; color: #fff; text-indent:50px; font-size:130%; width:50%;">Ural Bears

"Bolters speak louder than words!"[/center]

Extract from Codex Ural Bears

Bears shall not speak, type or write Gothic under no circumstances. Though understanding both High and Low Gothic is included in general training routine, they shall never open their mind to anyone but their fellow Bears on Slavian.

One of Chapter's Librarians (one at a time) shall be granted with rights to speak, type and write Gothic at any time nescessary to prove the Chapter's loyalty to the Emperor and the Imperium.

B

rothers! Let me introduce myself first: I'm Brother Tolstoy, the Chief Librarian of Ural Bears and I'm here to represent my chapter. I was sent here by the decision of His Exellency Chapter Master Alexander. It would have never happened if the rumours concerning our chapter didn't come to our attention. Some loyal servants of the Imperium tend to think our loyalty to the Emperor hangs on a thread as we chose the path of silence in our actions. Enough is enough! It's high time we anounced ourselves and stopped the circulation of rumours! According to His Exellency orders I was indulged with the ability to speak, type and write Gothic in order to reach the desired goal of communication between the chapter and the rest of the Imperium.

You may feel the language I provide the info with somewhat weird. What can I say? The feeling is true, the reason I type Gothic is my duty to the Emperor, my Chapter and the Mechanicus of Mars. Gothic is not my native language, as the Slavian language is. We, the Ural Bears prefer to say nothing at all as we are not made to speak. And if it wasn't about my duty to Him on Terra, I won't be here, spoiling your eyes with bad Gothic. You can freely post any rumours you've heard about the Ural Bears in commentaries to this very thread. Sources of the rumours are welcomed for further investigation. And I promise you from both of my hearts - I will sort the truth out of whatever rumours you come with!

Origins:

T

he origins of the Chapter are severely classified by the Imperial law act #LT.UB.1488080001D. Besides keeping the origins of the Chapter in a narrow admission, the law states a death penalty for any Imperial servant who spreads the data out. Still there's nothing secret in obvious: the chapter takes its roots from the Ural mountains of Terra. The fact is: the Ural Bears' world of origin is Holy Terra itself, though the only original Terran in our ranks is Veteran Sniper Vassiliy Zaytsev. It cost our chapter a whole system of agriworlds as a trade-off for the base we established inside mountain Polyud lately, 600 kms to the south of the remnants of the Emperium famous mount Narodnya.

Chief Librarian Tolstoy

By no means we chose mountain Polyud randomly! Theres an ancient Ural legend, coming deep from pre-gunpowder age of Terra. A legend about a warrior named Polyud.

The most notorious Polyud's human feature was his huge stature. He was higher and wider than any member of his tribe. The tribe itself existed in most dire environment. Twice a year the enemy tribes raided the Ural mountain tribes for food, gold, horses and women. Polyud led the Ural people in successful retaliation raids. This push-and-pull wars continued for almost 10 years, severely exhausting the Ural tribes. After all Polyud decided to make a watch post on the highest ground seen from his tribe's camp. He went there alone, having no desire to minimize the small fighting force of his tribe. The idea was as follows: whether the enemy approaches the tribe's camp, Polyud will light a huge fire on the top of the mountain, so that his fellow-tribesmen were ready for the coming threat. The trick worked several times and Emperor only knows how many people of the Urals were saved by Polyud warning fires. But nothing lasts forever, the enemies detected Polyuds post soon and sent a raid to the peak. Hundreds of archers and swordsmen approached Polyud from almost everywhere. They didn't come unnoticed by the mighty warrior so he set the long before prepared pile of dry wood on fire. Too bad he didn't understand the raid's goal. He fought all of them! The huge rocks, thrown by Polyud took out dosens of the raiders. His sword cut through tens of them who dared to approach the raging defender of the Urals. Seven arrows pinned his right hand but he continued his swings with the left one right after tearing three of the arrows out... The endless raiders paid their toll stoicaly.

People at the camp spent a week at the ready. They boiled tar every day, trained hard on the wooden walls of their camp according to the drills Polyud taught them, waiting for enemies to arrive. They've never arrived! Knowing nothing of the fight on the mountain post, the Chieftain of the tribe decided to send a patrol to the peak. For the first time Polyud made a mistake and something was pretty wrong about it! After two days the patrol went back stating the darkest news: Polyud fought the raiders alone and lost his life there. Cries of horror fludded the camp after the news were spread among the tribesmen. Even the Chieftain himself wiped his tears for the loss of the mighty warrior. And then the wisest decision came! The enemies raid appeared to be a fail. The patrol declared almost five hundred raiders dead - the enormous amount of warriors for whatever enemy tribe have initiated the raid. This was the sweetest chance for Ural people to deal a lethal strike at the weakened enemy! The tribesmen started their preparations for an answering raid and soon they left their camp and headed at the direction of the enemy, via Polyuds post. When the warriors of Urals gathered at the peak they got stunned. At the very peak of the mountain, there was a rock really huge and wide. At the top of the rock there was Polyuds sword driven deep in the rock. Bellow the driven sword there were words scripted on the rock: "I will come back when they come back with their raids!" The Chieftain looked at those he sent to the peak before in question. "Did you see the Polyud's body here?" - he asked. "No!" - they answered - "We decided he was dead. We couldn't imagine he fled the field of battle!". "Didn't you see the sword and these words scripted?" - the Chieftain asked again. "Sire, there was no sword as we've climbed on the top of the rock to observe the other side of the mountain, searching for the retreating enemies!" The Ural warriors went down the other slope of the mountain in silence before they reached the enemies camp. They breached the enemies gates with Chieftain shouting "For Polyud!" and few minutes passed the battle was well over - the wounded and crippled warriors of the enemy were no match to the well-trained army of the Urals. The winners mercylessly killed those who survived the battle with Polyud, decimated the young men of the enemy tribe and took all the gold, silver and bronze they could find in the destructed camp.

Since then the raiders never came back with their raids as their tribe almost ceased to exist. And Polyud never came back neither. The Ural people called the mountain Polyud established his last post on after their hero. And this is as far as the legend goes. Veteran Sniper Vassiliy states that everybody on Terra knows the legend. I tend to believe him. You can trust a Bear when he speaks, as the Bear speaks rarely.

Homeworld:

System Slavia

B

esides being proud Terran-born Chapter we consider Terra as our world of origin but not our homeworld. Whilst mount Polyud.is the base of the Chapter's operations, there are several places on the map of the Emperium which are sacred to every Astartes with the Bear head on his shoulder-pad. First of all we consider planetary system Slavia as our home and its capital planet Rodina as our home-world.

The system is located in the Segmentum Ultima, between Imperial worlds Alsanta and Pavonis, close to the Goat Legs planets, widely known as Tau Empire. Not so long ago the system was one of the Goat Legs assets, where they recruited their Gue'Vesa scum. During that period the system existed under some coughy Goat Leg name. To tell you the truth the name doesn't come to my mind when I try to recollect it from my memory. His Excellence Chapter Master Alexander lead our forces himself in a War of Two Empires since we were in a need of new recruits. The War of Two Empires lasted for 157 years. We've coqnquered the iceworld Toros during the first year of the assault campaign. This fast and easy victory encouraged every single Brother of the Chapter. But the fact stands: during next century and a half we've lost almost two thirds of our battle force, resulting in 714 casualties. We've lost each and every Dreadnought, all four Veteran Companies, half of our Sniper Scouts and half of the Armoured Bears Chivalry. Yet we've conserved most of our Armour as a tiniest consolation to all our losses. The Goat Legs lost tenfold battling units if it matters to you, though who counts them Goat Legs anyway?

We shouldn't have won the last and the biggest battle for Rodina if it wasn't about the people of Rodina. I must admit that our assault on the system encouraged people of Rodina to the extremes. Living under loyal to the Goat Legs and still Imperial governor, they suffered alot and an arrival of the Space Marine fleet made their spirit rise. Our conquest of 50-50 Tau/Human populated Toros led to the first unorganised riots on Rodina. Those rioters were severely punished by the corrupted Arbites loyal to the Governor of the Slavian system and thus loyal to the Goat Legs too. News of the executions on Rodina lead His Excellence Chapter Master Alexander to decimate the 100% Gue'Vesa population of Toros. By that we've achieved our goal - Slavian Governor's friends coughed their strictest advice to leave the Gue'Vesa resources out of his tirrany because it woudn't have brought their abstract 'greater good' closer. The troublesome conquest of the subsiding world Kuznitsa lasted for almost a century, as the Goat Legs had more than 700 military plants and bases there. That's the world we've payed the dearest price for! His Excellence himself lost both of his legs after teleportation directly on a frag mine. News of our Chapter Master still alive, passed by scanty people of Kuznitsa to their compatriots on Rodina, led to a massive revolt under the leadership of Imperial Preacher Avvacum. Before his execution in the hands of the Gue'Vesa scum, Avvacum lead his people to the successful siege of the Governor's palace. Once arrested the Governor was immediately sent to Kuznitsa on the thrash utilising tanker. By the tanker we've recieved not only the traitorous Governor! We've recieved a transport for our almost unscratched armour to reach Rodina safely! We couldn't have risked the lives of the remaining brothers and our fleet as Rodina had serious anti-orbital lancer-like batteries, searching for us to arrive. You will never understand what it takes to explain the captain of the space vessel when you can't say a word that you need some Predators, Redeemers and Vindicators transfered back to Rodina. And you'll never know what a useful mean of a communication a metal cane may become accompanied by primitive drawing skills! A week later the tanker safely arrived to one of the Rodina star-ports gripped tightly by deminishing human revloters. At the moment the revolters entered the huge cargo part of the tanker the Emperor himself blessed our friends on Rodina! Few revolted Arbites appeared to be familiar with the armour we've sent to their rescue and while all the traitorous armed forces were protecting their Goat Legs masters, the real heroes of the Imperium managed to destroy several lancer-battery posts occupied by Tau and Gue'Vesa. That much was pretty much enough for our battle barges to come close enough for the Thunderhawks to take-off in the direction of the Rodina surface. Too bad the Tau filth escaped through their allied Eldar portals from Rodina, leaving the surrendered and cleanly shaved Gue'Vesa without promised protection. Most of the Gue'Vesa were executed if you still count them Goat Legs worshippers too.

---------------------------------------------------------

To be continued. And Happy New Year, Liberites!

[Brother Claudius]

I like the overall concept of the silent marines. This ties to both monastic traditions and imperial Roman legionaire practices. I also like the use of the Librarian as the story teller--kinda violates the overall IA concept of being third person, but it is definitely a cool angle.

 

Interesting origin/homeworld section, but there is one thing that is not clear to me:

The fact is: the Ural Bears' world of origin is Holy Terra itself, though the only original Terran in our ranks is Veteran Sniper Vassiliy Zaytsev. It cost our chapter a whole system of agriworlds as a trade-off for the base we established inside mountain Polyud lately, 600 kms to the south of the remnants of the Emperium famous mount Narodnya.

~

Besides being proud Terran-born Chapter we consider Terra as our world of origin but not our homeworld. Whilst mount Polyud.is the base of the Chapter's operations, there are several places on the map of the Emperium which are sacred to every Astartes with the Bear head on his shoulder-pad. First of all we consider planetary system Slavia as our home and its capital planet Rodina as our home-world.

 

The IF use Terra as a homeworld. You have both a homeworld (Slavia) and a base of operations (Terra). This seems to not fit with the norm of a space marine chapter. I also doubt that the IF would share their homeworld with you. This concept definitely needs to be either expanded to explain, or perhaps modified slightly--a secret base of operations on Terra? Not sure of the feasibility, but it would be worth exploring the concept.

 

The origins of the Chapter are severely classified by the Imperial law act #LT.UB.1488080001D. Besides keeping the origins of the Chapter in a narrow admission, the law states a death penalty for any Imperial servant who spreads the data out.

 

I'm new to the IA writing forum, but I believe this might fall into the category of being lazy. You provide some information that Terra is your world of origin, but perhaps some more explanation would be in order.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The origins of the Chapter are severely classified by the Imperial law act #LT.UB.1488080001D. Besides keeping the origins of the Chapter in a narrow admission, the law states a death penalty for any Imperial servant who spreads the data out.

 

I agree with Claudius. While you may not think so, it comes across as lazy writing. Also, our knowledge as the outside observer has more bearing on this than you would think. I don't like it and you have no idea how Imperial Law actually operates especially in regard to high-tier intelligence like an Astartes chapters records.

 

The IF use Terra as a homeworld. You have both a homeworld (Slavia) and a base of operations (Terra). This seems to not fit with the norm of a space marine chapter. I also doubt that the IF would share their homeworld with you.

 

Again he's right. It's not normal and the Imperial Fists would not share their homeworld. No chapter shares homeworlds with another, so far as I am aware. Also Terra is firmly off limits to just about everyone, really. It also makes very little sense. No chapter has been created as a 'Terran' chapter since the original Legions

 

Just what do you get out of this that benefits the chapter character wise?

[Apothete]

Normally, I'm a fan of long-winded, piece by piece deconstructions.

 

In this case, two words should suffice: Over theming.

[Argon]

Normally, I'm a fan of long-winded, piece by piece deconstructions.

 

In this case, two words should suffice: Over theming.

 

 

This. You really need to tone down the Russian theme. At the moment it's about as subtle as a hammer to the face.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Normally, I'm a fan of long-winded, piece by piece deconstructions.

 

In this case, two words should suffice: Over theming.

 

Stop the presses! :lol:

 

 

As a side note, the first-hand account style in which this is written bugs me on many levels. Mostly though it's not the type of thing you'd have as an objective summary of the chapter, which is pretty much what an IA is supposed to be.

[LakotaWolf]

I like the theming........as well as the Homage to Zaytsev by usung him as a character

 

if you are using the space wolf codex as your rulebook you can have actual fenrisian wolves as well as Thunderwolf Riders in your Space wolf army.........you can switch it up to be bears

 

http://www.vesivus.com/eBay/dndminis/DK_Dire_Bear.jpg

 

these are some decent looking models from D & D.....that are easily found

[Brother Tolstoy]

The IF use Terra as a homeworld. You have both a homeworld (Slavia) and a base of operations (Terra). This seems to not fit with the norm of a space marine chapter. I also doubt that the IF would share their homeworld with you. This concept definitely needs to be either expanded to explain, or perhaps modified slightly--a secret base of operations on Terra? Not sure of the feasibility, but it would be worth exploring the concept.

 

I'm new to the IA writing forum, but I believe this might fall into the category of being lazy. You provide some information that Terra is your world of origin, but perhaps some more explanation would be in order.

 

I cannot really say whever our base is a secret or not. I reveal this information from behalf of my Chapter and I guess some explanations must be revealed next.

 

Speaking about the fog over our origins is out of limits of my responsibility at the moment. I'm pretty sorry about it.

[Brother Tolstoy]

I agree with Claudius. While you may not think so, it comes across as lazy writing. Also, our knowledge as the outside observer has more bearing on this than you would think. I don't like it and you have no idea how Imperial Law actually operates especially in regard to high-tier intelligence like an Astartes chapters records.

 

Again he's right. It's not normal and the Imperial Fists would not share their homeworld. No chapter shares homeworlds with another, so far as I am aware. Also Terra is firmly off limits to just about everyone, really. It also makes very little sense. No chapter has been created as a 'Terran' chapter since the original Legions

 

Just what do you get out of this that benefits the chapter character wise?

 

I state that Imperial Law does not work on Terra mostly. As well as a fact that IF did share their ground before and that nothing prevents them from sharing it at the moment.

 

I will make the origins part more clear a bit later.

[Shinzaren]

I state that Imperial Law does not work on Terra mostly. As well as a fact that IF did share their ground before and that nothing prevents them from sharing it at the moment.

But it does work on Terra. In regards to your chapter using Terra as a recruiting base, or base of operations, that's a pretty clear no. It is stated that the Imperial Fists are the only chapter that recruits from Holy Terra. This doesn't work from your chapter for a number of reasons.

 

1.) Terra is the heart of the Imperium, the source of its power, and the its strength. The Fists, whose loyalty to the Emperor has been shown over 10,000 years of bloody war, and who defended the Emperor's palace from the Arch-Traitor himself, are allowed to recruit there.

2.) Your chapter is not a First Founding, and is thus less trusted than the Imperial Fists.

3.) This adds nothing to your Chapter to recruit from Terra, except to bother people who already know that the Fists are the only ones who recruit from Terra.

4.) You are providing no logical reason to have Terra as your base, and by doing so, you are automatically elevating your Chapter above that of everyone else, because you are based on the Emperor's own world.

5.) Security is a pretty big issue. I don't think the HLoT would appreciate an entire Chapter of Space Marines hanging out within striking distance of the Emperor, Mars, and all the other aspects that make up the Sol System and the heart of Imperial Rule.

6.) No justification.

[Brother Tolstoy]

Normally, I'm a fan of long-winded, piece by piece deconstructions.

 

In this case, two words should suffice: Over theming.

 

Could you quote some or point it out?

[Brother Tolstoy]

I like the theming........as well as the Homage to Zaytsev by usung him as a character

 

if you are using the space wolf codex as your rulebook you can have actual fenrisian wolves as well as Thunderwolf Riders in your Space wolf army.........you can switch it up to be bears

 

http://www.vesivus.com/eBay/dndminis/DK_Dire_Bear.jpg

 

these are some decent looking models from D & D.....that are easily found

 

That's some Bear! Those I've seen are nowhere near. TY.

[Apothete]

Well, since you said you wanted a teardown...

 

Ural Bears

 

Right from the start, you're hitting us in the face with a shovel.

 

Unless you write the word "Ural" in as a planet, a person, or some other concept other than vanishingly ancient Terran history, this is a throwaway usage and something that's kicking the entire writeup off on the wrong foot. If you note the names of the existing Chapters, we're given some idea of who they are or where they come from based on the word choice in most cases. In fact, going through the list now, I only see place names used when it has something to do with the Chapter's origins.

 

This presents a larger problem later in your work, of course.

 

Bolters speak louder than words!

 

This is too modern and too clean to really be the warcry of the Astartes.

 

You need a bit more fizz and bombast, something like "Let our bolters drown their words!" to replace it.

 

Brothers! Let me introduce myself first: I'm Brother Tolstoy, the Chief Librarian of Ural Bears and I'm here to represent my chapter. I was sent here by the decision of His Exellency Chapter Master Alexander. It would have never happened if the rumours concerning our chapter didn't come to our attention. Some loyal servants of the Imperium tend to think our loyalty to the Emperor hangs on a thread as we chose the path of silence in our actions. Enough is enough! It's high time we anounced ourselves and stopped the circulation of rumours! According to His Exellency orders I was indulged with the ability to speak, type and write Gothic in order to reach the desired goal of communication between the chapter and the rest of the Imperium.

 

Okay, I have to confess, the silence thing could be a cool gimmick if it was pulled off well and justified. The problem is that you aren't justifying it or dealing with its consequences in a meaningful way, since I imagine that a Chapter which refused to speak to outsiders at all would soon find itself the target of more than a little scrutiny. There are also practical matters to consider... How do Chapter forces communicate in-theater while prosecuting a war if only one Librarian can speak? Does this mean that the Chapter only fights together and never splits for any reason, since they might need someone who can speak at some point? If the designated speaker is killed in the line of duty and a situation arises that would demand words, how is it dealt with?

 

More importantly, how does the incredible arrogance of "allowing" only one person to speak to the outside world in any way alleviate concerns that the Bears are not to be trusted? It would seem that they feel themselves above all other Imperials and, thus, would invite even more attention rather than mitigating the concern.

 

Oh, and as others have mentioned, the first-person style really doesn't suit this kind of writeup. It's too informal, too partial, and just doesn't read properly compared to the more detached approach that leaves an objective history (or as objective as the written word gets in 40k(.

 

You may feel the language I provide the info with somewhat weird. What can I say?

 

No.

 

You don't use words like "info" in an article like this.

 

And if it wasn't about my duty to Him on Terra, I won't be here, spoiling your eyes with bad Gothic. You can freely post any rumours you've heard about the Ural Bears in commentaries to this very thread. Sources of the rumours are welcomed for further investigation. And I promise you from both of my hearts - I will sort the truth out of whatever rumours you come with!

 

Based on your location in the sidebar, I'd guess that English isn't your first language and commend your relative facility with it. It's far better than my attempts would be in Russian.

 

That being said, you've got some issues here. You've effectively broken the fourth wall and invited people to openly comment on "this thread," when I can't really imagine there being any kind of effective forum/BBS in a world that relies on mnemo-symbolic astropaths who are trying to to play charades across uncountable distances and filtering their attempts through a realm of randomly surging emotion and thought. You follow?

 

The kinds of people who would approach an Astartes Chapter with the intent to "sort the truth" would also not merely take the word of a single designated representative as gospel truth. By the point anyone's formally investigating you, you've likely come to the attention of the Ecclesiarchy, an Inquisitor, the Adeptus Terra, all three, or perhaps something even more far fetched. These are not organizations that take allegations against Marines lightly, especially given what happened when nobody was paying enough attention to what they got up to. There aren't a whole lot of forces out there that could take on a full-strength Chapter on their own, but the fortuitous thing about calling one to heel is that you have the resources of the entire military, other Chapters, the Inquisition, and more. No matter how big, how entrenched, or how powerful they get, nobody's forgotten that the Warmaster himself turned traitor.

 

The origins of the Chapter are severely classified by the Imperial law act #LT.UB.1488080001D. Besides keeping the origins of the Chapter in a narrow admission, the law states a death penalty for any Imperial servant who spreads the data out.

 

This is highly unbelievable, I'm afraid.

 

The only Chapters that I could even conceive of a silence order existing would be the Grey Knights, the Exorcists, the Mentors, and those of the Thirteenth and Twenty-First Foundings. The first three could conceivably be considered the equivalent of modern-day "state secrets" in terms of ther tactics, their armament, their disposition, and the current strength, in decreasing order of magnitude in their deviation from what one would expect of Astartes. With the latter set, you're looking at something highly embarassing to the Magos Genetor of the Mechanicus and the High Lords, more because of poor record keeping (the Thirteenth) and poor decision making (the Twenty-First).

 

Even if such an order were made, the Inquisition is made up of individuals with a lot of resources and talent in extracting information from secure locations and unwilling sources. It's more like a flock of goats that's going off in its individual directions, occasionally setting fire to things instead of chewing them up, then returning to the goat pen to rearm, rest, and decide what they want to interfere with next. Saying something is against Imperial Law isn't going to scare a Xanthian Inquisitor who's decided that the Bears are in his way, since he's already gone far enough to hold the view that warpcraft and the use of Chaos' own weaponry against it is a wonderful idea. To that kind of Imperial Servant, some piddly little law isn't going to stop their desire to uncover whatever secret they've decided is being hidden by your Chapter.

 

The fact is: the Ural Bears' world of origin is Holy Terra itself, though the only original Terran in our ranks is Veteran Sniper Vassiliy Zaytsev. It cost our chapter a whole system of agriworlds as a trade-off for the base we established inside mountain Polyud lately, 600 kms to the south of the remnants of the Emperium famous mount Narodnya.

 

Oh boy...

 

As others have noted, the only Chapter allowed to recruit from Terra is the Imperial Fists. They are the only Astartes allowed to maintain a presence upon the planet and even that's because they were stationed there with Rogal Dorn, strengthening the defenses and manning the walls when Horus came calling. Their original fortress monastery, the Pillar of Bone, is now a ruin and a monument on the surface of Terra and they've functionally operated from the Phalanx ever since their reunion with the Primarch.

 

I'm not sure if you're aware, but there really are only three military bodies that routinely inhabit mankind's home planet: the Imperial Fists, the Sisters of Silence, and the Adeptus Custodes, who are to Marines what Marines are to normal men.

 

Are you claiming that your Chapter is as important, trusted, and venerable as those august bodies? In addition, where would your Chapter have gained control of the agriworlds you claim that they "traded" in order to gain access to the surface, when they're not meant to be lords of land in the first place? Would they not have freed the planets from whatever befell them and then turned them back over to the Adeptus Terra for proper resettling or reunification?

 

By no means we chose mountain Polyud randomly! Theres an ancient Ural legend, coming deep from pre-gunpowder age of Terra. A legend about a warrior named Polyud.

 

...and here you start to lay it on way, way too thick.

 

Nothing in this story adds the to character or individuality of the Chapter. It's just a puff piece and filler that's taking up word count.

 

Veteran Sniper Vassiliy states that everybody on Terra knows the legend. I tend to believe him. You can trust a Bear when he speaks, as the Bear speaks rarely.

 

Not only are you using a sniper named Zaytsev in a Russian-themed army, you're going to have him lying and be covered by the Chapter's own dogma that their Brothers don't lie?

 

Besides being proud Terran-born Chapter we consider Terra as our world of origin but not our homeworld.

 

No Chapter has been founded on Terra since the Legions were raised before the Heresy.

 

First of all we consider planetary system Slavia as our home and its capital planet Rodina as our home-world

 

Ural Bears? Zytsev? Polyud? Slavia?

 

Are we going to be seeing more parties from the Duma in your writeup as well?

 

Not so long ago the system was one of the Goat Legs assets, where they recruited their Gue'Vesa scum. During that period the system existed under some coughy Goat Leg name. To tell you the truth the name doesn't come to my mind when I try to recollect it from my memory

 

Goat... leg?

 

Also, the supposed mystery of your storyteller forgetting the name of the planet is pretty cheesy. If it's not important enough to him to recall, it's not important enough for us to hear about it.

 

The War of Two Empires lasted for 157 years. We've coqnquered the iceworld Toros during the first year of the assault campaign. This fast and easy victory encouraged every single Brother of the Chapter. But the fact stands: during next century and a half we've lost almost two thirds of our battle force, resulting in 714 casualties. We've lost each and every Dreadnought, all four Veteran Companies, half of our Sniper Scouts and half of the Armoured Bears Chivalry. Yet we've conserved most of our Armour as a tiniest consolation to all our losses. The Goat Legs lost tenfold battling units if it matters to you, though who counts them Goat Legs anyway?

 

Aside from being incredibly oddly written, what does this add to the Chapter?

 

...and I can't wade through any more of this. The style, the wording, and the heavy-handed overtheming is just too much.

[NightrawenII]

I'm not sure if you're aware, but there really are only three military bodies that routinely inhabit mankind's home planet: the Imperial Fists, the Sisters of Silence, and the Adeptus Custodes, who are to Marines what Marines are to normal men.

Four, there is also Convent Prioris of Adepta Sororitas.

[Argon]

where they recruited their Gue'Vesa scum

 

I sort of doubt any Imperial would refer to them as "Gue'Vesa", for two reasons:

 

1. That's what the Tau call them. I doubt most Imperials know how to speak a xenos language or possess the desire to.

 

2. They're humans fighting for xenos, so the Imperium already has a blanket term for them: traitors.