The Abyss Hunters

[Aegnor]

Ok, version 6 up. Added a new sidebar, "Thankless Games", expanded a bit in the combat doctrine (about scouts, had done something earlier, but must have accidently cut it subsequently), and added a line explaining why the Chaplains took over the espionage side of things. Also fixed up a few typos or missed edits from various changes. C&C as always much appreciated.

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The Abyss Hunters

“Ironic that I should have to remind you, Inquisitor, that one can never be too paranoid” – Chapter Master Theseus, 912.M41

If you stare into the Abyss long enough the Abyss stares back at you – Unidentified Terran philosopher, circa M2.

T

he Abyss Hunters stand alone, locked a grim struggle against an implacable foe they believe only they can oppose. Like any chapter of Astartes, they are tenacious and deadly, and have demonstrated their heroism and effectiveness time and again. Nevertheless, their paranoia and mistrust, not only of outsiders, but of each other, threatens to undermine their role as protectors and eventually their very existence.

Origins

The Hunters were founded as part of the 23rd Founding, created from the Guilliman geneseed, and trained by a cadre from the Tempest Guard, themselves a successor to the Guilliman line with a distinguished history. To this day, the Hunters venerate Guilliman as Primarch.

In the aftershocks of the Age of Apostasy, much of the Cazador sub-sector, in the Ultima Segmentum, and several worlds in neighboring sub-sectors arose in revolt. Successive deployments by the Imperial Guard were ineffective and suffered mass defections to the rebels. Eventually an Astartes-led crusade featuring elements from the Raptors and the Tempest Guards succeeded in seemingly pacifying the sector.

However, after this crusade concluded and disbanded, further rebellions continued to occur. Eventually the High Lords of Terra endorsed the recommendation that from the next founding, one of the chapters be based in Cazador sub-sector to maintain order. During the previous crusade, the Tempest Guard had taken note of the planet of Angleton and its inhabitants, believing it might form a good recruiting pool. Given this connection, they were charged to oversee the establishment of a new chapter, drawing on their gene-seed, on this world. Captain de Vries, who had led the Tempest Guard contingent during the Cazador crusade, and a number of experienced marines were assigned to become the core of the new chapter, and train its new recruits.

When the Chapter was ready to stand on their own, de Vries was confirmed as Chapter Master. A grave man, he selected the name the Abyss Hunters, and adopted the Owl of Angleton as his and the Chapter’s heraldry.

For a time it appeared the placement of the Hunters had achieved its desired effect as stability returned to the sector. However, after little more than a century, the pattern of persistent rebellion again reared its head. As life on Angleton and the attitudes of Chapter Master De Vries had taught them, the Hunters stalked, watched, observed and aimed to surgically kill the roots of each rebellion in the most efficient way. A methodical, analytically minded leader, De Vries oversaw an exhaustive, patient, analysis of the instances of rebellion across several worlds. Eventually he felt he had identified a pattern, suggesting that what had appeared to be unrelated instances of madness and treachery followed a rhythm that suggested a single coordinating intellect. The Hunters’ patience was rewarded when several apparent servants of this mastermind were identified as they travelled the sector, sewing discord.

De Vries formulated a plan to capture several of these agents and replace them with suitably altered human operatives of his own. In each instance, it appeared that these spies were swiftly discovered and neutralized, however one individual, grievously wounded, made it back to the Hunters. Despite what they had seen to date, his revelations still shocked the Astartes – he had been met, and only narrowly escaped from Chaos Space Marines, whose description matched that of the Alpha Legion. In combination with an analysis of the information collected to date, and a comparison to the restricted histories of the Chapter’s Librarius, de Vries was satisfied he had discovered the cause for the intractable rebellious problems in the sub-sector. Uprooting this nest of traitors has since become a consuming obsession for the Chapter.

The Hunters have never been able to determine where this traitor cabal is based, and indeed many Imperial potentates and members of the Holy Ordos remain doubtful of its very existence. Nevertheless, the Hunters have continued to find evidence of its shadowy mechanations and has managed to confront the Alpha Legionnaires in battle on a very few occasions, although the enemy has either slipped away, or resurfaced after being believed destroyed.

The primary threat posed by this cabal has not been on the battlefield directly. It uses proxies, notably rebel cultists, but also manipulated elements from a neighbouring fragment of the Ork Empire of the nearby Charadon sector, to tie up, misdirect and exhaust the Hunters.

In conflicts against the rebel cells, the Hunters have found themselves consistently opposed by well equipped and trained insurgents. Improvised explosive devices, traps aiming to draw them into ambushes, and diversionary attacks are all incessant. Being Astartes, the Hunters have met and overcome every challenge, although not without cost as a result of these tactics. This in turn has continued to reinforce the caution of the Hunters as to when and where to deploy forces.

Infiltration

The greatest peril encountered has been what the Chapter believes to be persistent attempts to infiltrate the chapter itself, both via the Chapter’s serfs and auxiliaries, and by co-opted Marines who are captured and re-programmed via malefic means before being released to unwittingly betray their chapter. Most seriously, in the mid-39th millennia, a group of tribal youths on Angleton were programmed by the Alpha Legion and then left for the Hunters to recruit. These ‘sleepers’ showed no sign of anything amiss through recruitment and indoctrination, but were activated years later via unknown psychic means and became traitors, working together to undermine the Chapter’s efforts. For decades, the Hunters suffered progressively worse defeats due to this treachery.

Eventually the eldest Chaplain, Camax, came to suspect the truth – his brothers were failing consistently because someone was betraying their plans to the enemy. Trusting no-one amongst his brothers, he conducted an exhausting study of the Chapter’s operations and failures, before cautiously setting traps for the suspected traitors. Eventually Camax’s intent became apparent to the traitors, and when one of them panicked and tried to flee, Camax received the authority from the Chapter Master to lead a purge of the Chapter. In the wake of this trauma, Camax prevailed upon the Chapter Master that such a disaster must never be permitted again, and that the Chapter’s Chaplains must take the lead in preventing any repeat. He successfully argued that this was an extension of the Chaplainy’s existing role in monitoring, reinforcing, and where necessary punishing, all issues to do with the zeal, loyalty and reliability of the Chapter’s members. The Hunters’ Chaplaincy was reorganized as the Inner Order, with Camax installed as the first Master of Purity.

Since then the Chapter has developed an escalating, and some would argue unhealthy, fascination with the espionage and counter-espionage – trying to find the Alpha Legion cabal, while also preventing them from infiltrating against the Hunters again.

In the 41st millennia, the Abyss Hunters remain convinced that a cabal of the Alpha Legion continues to wage an active campaign of sabotage, entrapment and infiltration against their chapter. Any call for assistance is viewed as a likely trap. Any outsider seeking access to the Hunters is assumed to have been subverted, knowingly or not. The Chapter’s own troops are considered a key area of vulnerability, and any marine who is separated from his peers – and the supervision of the now all-pervasive Inner Order, is regarded as likely having been corrupted.

Thankless Games

Rassik couldn’t get rid of the phantom itch on the back of his neck. You never knew where you were shipping out to until you got there, but he had hoped for a decent stand-up fight for once, rather than another cycle of patrolling another fly-blown world helping the Chaplains plays their games. He chastised himself at this unworthy thought, but it didn’t go away. Rassik admitted to himself that part of his ire was based on him having drawn the short straw and having to stand in the cupola to man the Razorback’s heavy bolters. When these bastard mortals did attack, grenades and sniper shots at the relatively exposed marines in cupolas was a favorite tactic. Rassik didn’t fear death, but being bait in some bizarre game of blind man’s bluff left a sour taste in his mouth. The fact that he had seen that other chapters had almost entirely moved to Razorbacks with turrets controlled from inside the vehicle, rather than the original Stronos design didn’t do much to persuade Rassik that the Chaplain valued his personal safety.

As the Razorback approached the next village, a crowd of locals came out to meet it. Children as always ran out to meet the vehicle and try to sell crap trinkets to them. Rassik started to swivel his heavy bolters, but Grax, his Sergeant, growled “hearts and minds, Rassik” so he relented. He didn’t stop watching everyone though. As they neared the village square, he heard a warble from inside the carrier. “Bastards”, grunted the Sarge, “the jammer just stopped a detonation signal. Hang on, yep, auspex says we’re sitting on a cursed melta-bomb, with secondary frags all around it, five meters forward driver, now”. Rassik used his helm’s feed to the vehicle’s sensors to examine the surroundings – any sudden movement might betray their awareness of their attempted murder. Suddenly he spotted the trigger man – lurking behind a window frame on the opposite side of the square. He restrained his urge to hose the building with heavy bolt rounds and focused on appearing unconcerned. Sub-vocally, he gave a command for the Razorback to release the special toy the Chaplain had briefed him on upon landing. A tiny insect-like automaton flew out of what appeared to be a ventilation grill on the back of the carrier. Using the vehicle’s sensors, he guided the fly-bot to the trigger man, landing it briefly on the cultist’s shoulder. The human noticed it and shoo-ed it away, and Rassik allowed the tiny machine to return to the carrier. It had left its cargo of traceable radioactive isotopes on the cultist. When the Chaplain’s agents returned, they would be able to track this man’s movements, and work out how he had procured such deadly ingredients for the trap they had avoided. “Done sir”, he voxed. "Let's get the hell out of here".

Homeworld

The Hunters are based on the otherwise deserted Fortress-Moon of Orome, orbiting the planet of Angleton, within the Cazador sector. Angleton itself is an arid, semi-desert, planet, classified by Imperial explorators as a deathworld due to its deadly and endemic predators. How humanity came to have a foothold there is long since forgotten, but at the time of the Tempest Guards’ visit, they observed a population of nomadic, hunter-gatherers with no awareness of humanity beyond their world, carving a tenacious niche within Angleton’s lethal ecology.

Conditions on Angleton are harsh, with limited water, severe storms and extremes of heat and cold. However, it is the native fauna of that makes Angleton so dangerous. All animals on Angleton are hazardous, but the major threat comes from its numerous and voracious predators. To survive the human inhabitants were expert at living, hunting, and fighting without attracting their attention.

These exacting conditions have demanded of Angleton’s human inhabitants a nomadic existence, with an emphasis on traits valued by the Abyss Hunters – including hardiness, stealth, discipline, and adaptability. The tribes are of necessity exceptional hunters and although competition between them is vicious, the constant threat of other deadlier predators imposes an equally vicious discipline. Combat will only be engaged once one side has a clear advantage of surprise over the other, and believes it can win within seconds, so the victors can get clear before the predators arrive.

The arrival of the Abyss Hunter novitiates and their Tempest Guard instructors has brought about a change within the tribal culture of Angleton. In particular, the lack of fear the Hunters have for the native predators, their keen senses and powerful arms impressed the tribes as supernatural. Hunters have not sought to change the state of the tribes, beyond making arrangements to have regular access to promising youth. At key stages in the crude tribal calendar, tribes who belief they have boys potentially acceptable to the "warriors from beyond" travel to designated places and await the Hunters. Once they arrive, an exhibition of abilities occurs before the visiting Astartes conduct their own tests. Producing a successful candidate is considered greatly desirable as the Hunters will provide a payment in the form of food or basic weapons that can make the difference between the tribe surviving another season or dying out.

The Owls of Angleton

The owls of Angleton hold a special place in the traditions and superstitions of the planet’s human tribes. Alone of the life on the planet, they have found a niche where they are not preyed upon by the drakes and wyrms – which sets them apart as more than merely animal in the tribesmen’s eyes. Their cunning and hunting expertise is respected, and this has likely given rise to the tradition that they are the holders of arcane knowledge. Most of all, they are considered the harbingers of death, and an owl hooting is considered an omen that death will visit, and soon.

Combat Doctrine

The Hunters see the Codex as perhaps the most brilliant strategic treatise ever prepared, and value its comprehensive guidance on selecting the right approach for the right target. That said, they regard the Codex as a valuable guide, not a binding restriction, and place a value on innovation that can be shown as sound, as well as the intuition of a hunter. These influences have resulted in an emphasis on flexibility and adaptability, as well as a preference for extended observation of targets to determine the most efficient approach.

While genetic and planetary heritages, and the precepts instilled by their parent chapter and the Codex, are important, the single strongest influence on the combat doctrine, organization and beliefs of the Hunters has been the nature of the foe they have found themselves facing in their sector.

This ongoing conflict has seen an emphasis on mobility and the ability to strike surgically and swiftly. As a secondary function, the ability to maintain a patrol presence on planets in the sector to keep watch for developing rebellions, and in support of the covert espionage networks has remained an ongoing priority.

The Hunters make extensive use of Scouts to ensure they have the best possible understanding of the battlefield and its environs. A separate class of Chaplains attaches itself to the 10th Company, with the twin functions of integrating the information the Scouts retrieve, and vetting these nascent super-humans for any emerging signs of compromise, but also with an eye to selecting those suitable for later induction to the inner order. Given the patrol requirements, the 10th Company has a higher than normal proportion of Scout bikers – holding scouts in this position for longer than the norm also gives the Chaplains longer to do their work.

Another feature is that while the Hunters recognize that TDA is an invaluable tool in specific roles, such as ship-boarding actions, there is a marked preference on the part of their veterans to retain the greater flexibility provided by using power armour. As such Terminators are a rarely sighted element in Hunter deployments.

Like the hunters of Angleton, the Hunters will watch and stalk for as long as possible, seeking to identify the most efficient way to destroy their foes, and aiming to ensure that in doing so, they themselves won’t become the prey in an ambush by their foe or a third party.

Gideon's Reach

Despite the difficulties experienced by the Hunters, they have also had their share of notable successes. One such instance was their victory in identifying and uprooting the Alpha Legion cabal’s subversion of the tech-priests of the neighboring Forge-world of Gideon’s Reach.

The forge world had been preparing a massive order of Leman Russ tanks for several Imperial Guard regiments. At the direction of their new masters, the Tech-Priests had built into these tanks a variety of cunningly concealed flaws that would only reveal themselves in the cauldron of battle. If this was allowed to proceed, the inefficiency of the Imperium’s record-keeping and communication meant this sabotage could sew the seeds for a thousand disasters across the segment before being identified and addressed.

The Hunters had identified the presence of a known cabal facilitator on the planet, and systematically identified the treacherous elements, few in number but extremely well placed, in the hierarchy of the forge world. Unfortunately, those traitors commanded the loyalty of the Forge-World’s skitarii legions. Precipitate action could result in the Hunters’ allegations being dismissed, or the outright rebellion of Gideon’s Reach and a conflict that would devastate the Forge-World’s productive capacity. Instead the Hunters’ methodically and painstakingly gathered evidence of the treachery being prepared. When ready, they launched surgical strikes at the specific traitors in the leadership of Gideon’s Reach, while simultaneously delivering their evidence to the loyal leadership of the Titan Legion present on the world, and the local Ordos. The Hunters were forced to destroy many thousand skitarii, but succeeded in removing the hidden cultists and forestalling a full-blown war. Nevertheless, the Departmento Munitorium were less than impressed that the Hunters also felt it necessary to ensure the flawed tanks not be used by destroying the bulk carrier carrying them, and despite the vindication of the proof they had gathered, the enmity sewn by this incident has persisted to this day.

Organisation

“The Hunters? They expend so much energy jumping at shadows and persecuting their own that their doom is assured.” – Asterius, Exalted Cabal Master, Alpha Legion

The Hunters diverge from the guidance of the Codex Astartes in four notable ways.

First, the need to guard against further infiltrations has seen the Inner Order assume an ever more central role in the Chapter. The number of chaplains now far exceeds other classifications of senior officers, both the Librarius and Apothecarium have been made subordinate areas within the Inner Order, and it is now standard protocol that any deployment must have at least two Chaplains attached. Furthermore, if the Chaplains dispute the orders of the senior officers, those officers must defer to the Chaplains.

The Chapter Master and Captains are still drawn from line officers, but rely heavily on the Chaplains for guidance in all matters. The head of the Inner Order, known as the Master of Purity, is granted privileged access to the Chapter Master at all times, and is whispered by some to be the real master of the Chapter.

Second, the Inner Order maintains an extensive network of human spies in all walks of life across the sector, as well as huge efforts to monitor the electronic and astropathic traffic in the region. The objective of this is to gain early warning of new cult movements or concentrations and to watch for Alpha Legion infiltration. Several planetary and sector officials suspect, with some reason, the Hunters have infiltrated their offices. This management and output of this network in turn cannot be managed by the Astartes alone, and the Inner Order has thousands of serfs, savants and cogitators, maintained in isolation, working at its direction on Orome.

Third, the Inner Order enforces a strict doctrine of ‘need to know’ across the Chapter. Information is closely guarded, with marines rarely knowing to where they are being deployed until they get there, or their objectives until the mission is nearly underway. Only the Chapter Master and, to an extent his Captains, are provided with a broader view of the Chapter’s activities. The belief that knowledge is power and in turn a vulnerability permeates everything the Chapter’s leadership does. It also has on occasion engendered a sense of frustration and cynicism in the rank and file of the Chapter, who have come to resent the perceived lack of trust and circuitous methods from the Inner Order – although such sentiments are closely guarded for fear of raising doubts as to their loyalty.

“We’ll never know why they turned, will we Camax?”. The Chapter-Master looked drawn. “We’ll never know why they killed their brothers”.

Camax felt awkward without his grinning skull helm on – he disliked exposing his face, even in these quarters. “Sire, we must focus on re-making this Chapter, making it strong, for the fight ahead. You must…”

The master of the Hunters looked up, “Yes, Reclusiarch?”

“Sire… you must not blame yourself for the treachery of Philbius and his cohorts. You did your duty as our leader. But the men need to see you lead them now – we need your strong leadership”.

The Chapter Master visibly gathered himself, drawing up to his full height, towering over the Chaplain. “You’re right…. Of course, you’re right. This can never be allowed to happen again. I must move to ensure our chapter can learn to trust itself again. Summon Holistan, we must discuss how we will move forward”.

Camax nearly concealed his grimace. “Sire, with all respect to our Chief Librarian, this is not an issue to be solved with witch-craft. The Librarians oversaw the recruitment of the traitors, and their weirding powers did not let them foresee what occurred. This is a matter of men and their souls, to be solved by the application of zeal, and of faith, and where necessary, the tools of persuasion the Reclusiasm wields in His Holy Name. We have been too lax in the past, and I cannot excuse myself for my part in that, but it is the role of your Chaplains to see to the purity and loyalty of your men. We will not fail you again”

The Chapter Master appeared to weigh this up. “Very well, so be it. In the first instance, the protection of this chapter from the connivances of the enemy shall rest with you and your Chaplains. But Camax, we will all be counting upon you”

Camax looked the Chapter-Master in the eye before replacing his leering skull mask, “I’ll see to it… For the Emperor”

Four, the Chapter eschews anything that would provide outsiders with visibility of their activities, in order to avoid assisting the enemy identifying particular units or companies, and hence analyzing the Chapter’s activities. Similarly, the Chapter will go to great lengths to avoid leaving any evidence of casualties or wreckage, or where practical, even expended ammunition, behind after any conflict. Camouflage will be used, as will the heraldry of other Astartes where considered useful.

These divergences have placed a severe strain on the smooth running of the Chapter. They have several times left the Chapter hamstrung to respond in a timely fashion to emerging issues and has made maintaining the chapter’s strength impossible. As a result, the Chapter has remained severely under-strength for most of the past two millennia, and is increasing stretched in meeting its obligations.

Beliefs

“You label me obsessive, I call you naïve. I know which flaw vexes the Emperor more sorely” – Camax, Master of Purity

The Hunters’ core beliefs are twofold. First, that the Alpha Legion is continuing its attempts to destroy them, and that there must be some critical reason why they are so persistent in doing so. Second, that they alone, by working in a disciplined, cautious manner, with the proper focus on maintaining their own purity, can uproot the Alpha Legion cabal and protect their part of the Imperium.

These beliefs are all consuming and leave little room for anything else. The Hunters regard all other agencies with suspicion. They have joined in crusades when asked, but only in a very limited manner and often with ulterior motives. They have more regularly refused requests for cooperation from other Imperial agencies, and have testy relationships with them as a result.

The Hunters value humanity as a whole, but view their labyrinthine struggles as central to their ability to serve humanity. In this struggle, they have been able to justify nearly any sacrifice of life, human or Astartes, but with an emphasis on doing so in secret - they remain convinced that precipitous or reckless actions play into their foes’ hands, and so normally seek to act as covertly as possible.

Geneseed

The Hunters geneseed follows the true line of Guilliman, and remains intact and without degradation.

Battle Cry

“Without purity, we are nothing” – exchanged as an affirmation between brothers before and after actions.

[Aegnor]

Ok, having let it marinate for a couple of days, I've tried to tidy up the draft for my new chapter, and also come to the conclusion that the previous name "The Venators of Araw" was pretty awful. While I was tempted by the coolness factor of the Chapter Name Creator's suggestion of "Atomic Sharks", I've settled tentatively on the Vengeful Falcons.

[Aegnor]

Expanded the combat doctrines section some more, regarding the use Scouts are put to, and how the Inner Order assesses them during this period.

[Espada Azul]

Welcome to the Liber! Enjoy your stay, but I hope that you brought along a decent suit of Power Armor with you, as the critiques can hurt at times.

 

In the 41st millennia, the Vengeful Falcons are convinced that a cabal of the Alpha Legion continues to wage an active campaign of sabotage, entrapment and infiltration against their chapter. Any call for assistance is viewed as a likely trap. Any outsider seeking access to the Falcons is assumed to be subverted, knowingly or not. The Chapter’s own troops are considered a key area of vulnerability, and any marine who is separated from his peers – and the supervision of the Falcons' Inner Order, is regarded as likely having been corrupted.

 

This is a very... odd way of introducing the Chapter. Xenophobia is one thing, but self-destructive paranoia, and against a specific body too, does not help your Chapter's character much. How does the Chapter continue to function, if everyone is suspicious of everyone else?

 

Eventually an Astartes led crusade featuring elements from the Raptors, the Lamentors and the Tempest Guards succeeded in seemingly pacifying the sector.

 

Minor quibble, it's Lamenters, not Lamentors.

 

 

A captain and a number of experienced marines were detached from the Raptors to train and eventually become the initial core of the Falcons.

 

Maybe you can expand on this, as often the first Chapter Master leaves an indelible mark on the Chapter he leads. Notice the Crimson Fists' Alexi Pollux, as well as the Nova Marines' Lucretius Corvo. Did he leave behind long-lasting traditions aside from the obvious parent-Chapter interpretations of the Codex Astartes?

 

Angleton is an arid, semi-desert, planet, classified by Imperial explorators as a deathworld.

 

Why is it always a Death World with IA planets? It's rare to see an industrialized world used as a base for a change.

 

Take note I'm of an opinion that it's eventually bad news to keep on taking the best and the brightest of a people who's already trying their best to survive in a planet trying it's best to KILL them, as it'll only lead to eventual degradation of the recruiting stock (as the slightly-less genetically superior males get left behind to procreate). Maybe the Chapter skips every few generations?

 

Shortly afterwards the Falcons’ came to the conclusion they faced a core cabal Alpha Legionnaires operating from a hidden base that were directing the persistent, and well-trained rebel cult cells.

 

This section bugs me. I mean, how would they know if it's the Alpha Legion doing rabble-rousing unless the Alpha Legionaries actually show themselves in the open? There's a large leap of logic from constant rebellions to constant rebellions being started by not just Renegades, but a sneaky Traitor Legion!

 

Using unknown psychic means, these ‘sleepers’ showed no sign of anything amiss through recruitment and indoctrination, but were activated years later via a psychic signal and became traitors, working together to undermine the Chapter’s efforts. For decades, the Falcons suffered worse and worse defeats due to this treachery.

 

So kind of like the Modus Operandi described in the CSM codex then? Makes sense, but I think it's still convenient that a Chaplain would just so happen stumble upon the conspiracy to destroy the Chapter from within. That's much more suspicious, I think.

 

Also, so it's like the Inner Circle of the Dark Angels, except instead of hunting the Fallen they instead watching over their Chapter with a paranoid fascination to guard against possible infiltration? My word, the Alpha Legion doesn't have to do anything then. This is VERY self-destructive behavior for the Chapter, and will only cripple them in the long run. Or was that the intent?

[Aegnor]

Thanks for the comments. You've hit the nail on the head in a way - with this chapter I WANT to show this chapter as essentially becoming dysfunctional and starting to reach a crisis point. As you've observed, the Alpha Legion by this stage almost don't have to do anything anymore, they've made the Falcons so twitchy.

 

What I think the write up does need, and what I'll be doing next, is including a couple of examples where the Falcons HAVE scored some notable successes in disrupting significant Alpha Legion plots. In my mind, to date the Falcons methods have been justifiable because they've prevented major damage to the sector, but whether they will be sustainable is another question. Obviously, you might see a reference in this to some of the themes from dramas in other settings about spies vs spies and spies/military vs terrorist plots, hopefully without over-theming.

 

You're quite right about it currently being a leap as to how they learnt it is the Alpha Legion - I thought that at the time. Will put the thinking cap on and try to address it without making it too much longer.

 

Finally, I wanted the death world type because I specifically wanted the guys to have hunting, stalking and caution as integral parts of their make up.

[Aegnor]

Finally got around to sitting down and trying to flesh out my chapter a bit more - the updated draft is in the first post of the thread. Have (again) changed the name, but also tried to pick up on the few comments received to date. Would really appreciate any further questions, comments, criticisms.

[Aegnor]

Guys, hesitant to bump my own thread, but actually have some time this weekend to work on this properly. Would really value any comments and critiques - I've got the TDA on, so go for it! Thanks folks.

[CKO]

I like your IA, it reads like a well written story. I like your chapter's suspicion/paranoia of themselves and the effect it has on everything! The one thing I think is a bet of a let down is the IA builds up this anticipation for something big to happen but nothing never happens. Where is the final conflict between Alpha Legion and the Vigilant Falcons or the change of powers in the chapter due to frustration?

 

You justify their suspicion very well but I just cant see Astartes openly (keyword) being paranoid and secretive because they are afraid of spies for that long of a time. Something big needs to happen, what needs to happen I dont know thats for you to decide, just make sure it meets the standard that you have set with your IA.

[Aegnor]

Okay, updated again - and renamed again. Haven't been able to settle on a decent name for these guys, but I'm now set that they'll be the *SOMETHING* Owls. Falcon wasn't sitting right - Owls gets the stealthy, waiting in the shadows, plus being considered wise bit perfectly.

 

Apologies that the formatting isn't quite right - it's refusing to accept my post with a couple of the sidebars I was trying to put in - will have more a fiddle another day when I'm fresher (well after midnight here as I type).

 

Do people have any preferences out of:

Grey Owls

Night Owls (bit too much of a pun, otherwise would be my choice)

Steel Owls

Swooping Owls

or other alternative?

 

Otherwise, any criticism people could offer would be much appreciated. Want to make this as good as I can, and a critical eye would help that immensely.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I say rename them to "Star Hippos".

 

Or more seriously "Obsidian Owls", "Viridian Owls" or - because I can only be serious for so long - "Stealth Owls".

[Aegnor]

Mentioned earlier, that when surfing the SM Name Generator for ideas, it threw up "Atomic Sharks", and I was sorely tempted.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Hah.. When seriously considering "Star Hippos" for the Imperial Reavers, I got "Stealth Hippos" from the CNG.

[CKO]

The Observant Owls, The Observant Chapter, or The Watchful Lords something that can remind the reader of your chapter's suspicious behavior.

 

Also next time you do an update, point out which sections you changed so that we dont have to re-read everything.

[Aegnor]

Ah, sorry. The updated bits are the side bar on the Owls, the long quote near the end, and the name change, the pic and some formatting, plus some general tidying up.

[Octavulg]

Try any of these:

 

Colors: Red, Blue, Green, Silver, Black, White, Grey, Sable, Azure, Crimson, Scarlet, Viridian, Sable, Onyx, Ebon, Jade, Ruby, Emerald, Ivory,

Metals: Golden, Silver, Bronze, Iron, Steel, Copper, Adamantine, Brazen, Argent,

Violence: War, Blood, Death, Fire, Death, Doom,

Space: Dark, Astral, Star, Space, Void, Nova,

Weather: Thunder, Storm, Sky, Night, Snow, Ice, Cloud, Frost,

Virtues and Spirit: Imperial, Grail, Celestial, Emperor's, Silent, Shadow,

Things: Stone, Ghost, Sand,

 

War Owls, Doom Owls, Stone Owls, Ghost Owls, Sand Owls, Star Owls, Void Owls, Black Owls all seem decent out of that.

 

Atomic Sharks is awesome, as an aside. And only somewhat silly.

[Ishida]

War Owls, Doom Owls, Stone Owls, Ghost Owls, Sand Owls, Star Owls, Void Owls, Black Owls all seem decent out of that.

 

Atomic Sharks is awesome, as an aside. And only somewhat silly.

 

Maybe its just me, but the long vowel sound of the word "Owl" and especially the way the "L" gets stretched by making the word plural is just kinda awkward. It looks good on paper, but is a bit hard to say aloud... Let alone shout in a rage filled battlecry.

 

The Mentor Legion, back in the dusty days of yore, had an Owl as a chapter icon. Owls also tie neatly into Athena, war, wisdom, night, and stealth... I get why you want to use the Owl, but, man is it a hard to pronounce word. Granted, its not so bad as calling them the Strigiformes.

 

Which brings me to my next point. Atomic Sharks is awesome, and no sillier than Space Wolves, Space Marines, Space Orks, Star Dragons, Star Leopards, Star Phantoms, or Star Scorpions, all official GW Chapters. Oh, and of course, the Space Sharks, that must now operate under the thrice-damned Carcharbinksodon moniker.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

....that must now operate under the thrice-damned Carcharbinksodon moniker.

 

Nope.. "Space Sharks" is also used, as the Low Gothic form.

[Captain Forcystus]

I was looking at the color scheme and was wondering: Does the white shoulder signify anything like rank or company, or is that just the standard colors?

[Plague Angel]

I like Void Owls more than Grey Owls.

 

Ishida is a poster after my own heart in having you mind the vowel sounds, but I think the "oi-ow" will ease it a bit more than the "ay-ow" sound you have now.

 

I'd recommend toning down the Alpha Legion stuff. It's cool and flavorful, but as it stands it's just a tad overbearing. I don't think "the Alpha Legion is after us!" should be so codified that it becomes doctrine. An attack by the Alpha Legion such as this could lead to a more general paranoia. "Something is after us" works a bit better as a doctrine, at least in my eyes, and opens it up to the possibility of more interesting stories. Nothing wrong with a rivalry, but right now they're pretty tunnel-visioned. They can still be paranoid and flawed without it crippling them.

[Aegnor]

Was doing some googling to try and find some good names, and came across this essay on owls in different cultures. Quite neat I thought, I love comparative mythology kinda stuff - apologies for those with no interest in owls whatsoever however! :) Definitely sold on keeping Owls as part of the name, will need to find something that doesn't either clash vowels, or sound too fantasy-esque.

[Aegnor]

I was looking at the color scheme and was wondering: Does the white shoulder signify anything like rank or company, or is that just the standard colors?

 

Standard colours at the moment. I've painted a squad of these guys to a very simple standard - the bleached bone looks alright in my opinion on the model, and breaks up the predominantly single colour. I like my blue-grey as I've done it, and the gold contrast colour - the shoulder pad could well be something I'd vary, although it's part of my idea of these guys that they don't display heraldry or markings that let people work out which unit is where. (Will need to work out a clear way for opponents on the table top to distinguish between squads - likely different bases I'd say). On my picture there, it isn't shown because my SM-Painter-fu is too weak, but on the models, I've got a red chapter emblem, which I'll likely redo now that I've decided they're owls.

 

No fluff reason as yet for the marking on the shoulder, might have a think about that.

[Aegnor]

Settled on "Night Owls" - after several days of wracking my brains it was still the best I could come up with, and which I didn't have a concrete objection to.

 

My picture editing skills aren't good enough to put it onto the picture of the Marine, but the chapter badge will go on the bone-white pauldron, will be red, and will be a silhouette of along the lines of one of the below images which I've used for inspiration (with thanks to the artists who did them - apologies for the size of the last pic) - I'll have to have a play and see what I can more readily reproduce at an acceptable level:

http://www.informationtechnologies.com.au/owl/images/owls/32.gif

 

http://image.shutterstock.com/display_pic_with_logo/98191/98191,1273608933,3/stock-photo-illustration-of-an-owl-flying-towards-you-52869794.jpg

 

http://www.harford.edu/Athletics/golf/NewOwlLogoFightingOwls_2.jpg

 

Barring anyone seeing any serious flaws, I feel I'm just about ready to submit this and see how it fares.

[Octavulg]

Submit it where?

 

And, to be honest, Night Owls is the least creative Owl name possible. Seriously.

[Aegnor]

I thought we could submit it to the Librarium if we thought it was "finished".

 

I know the Night Owls isn't the most inventive Owl name, but it is a hard word to match up, and I kept coming back to it even after thinking about options for several days, including a couple of sessions with the dictionary and thesaurus, I couldn't come up with anything that didn't sound significantly worse, or else smack of Harry Potter or the some other fantasy type scenario.

[Octavulg]

The Librarium's closed for reorganization right now. Nobody submits anything, not nobody, not no-how.