The Thunder Lords

[Sousetsu]

Thanks to all the wonderful things on this board, I've been converted to put my Necrons back in stasis and start working on a Space Marine Chapter. Now, I apologize in advance, because most I'm trying to do this without a codex on hand, due to the fact that I'm still not solid on which codex I want to play with, and hence haven't bought one. I've studied the lore thanks to sites like lexicanum, but please point out anything wrong with my fluff.

 

Without further adue, the Thunder Lords

 

^Origins

The Thunder Lords are a chapter born during the 26th founding, in preparation for the Damocles Crusade.

 

^Geneseed

 

The Thunder Lords are proud descendants of Rogal Dorn, though the exact chapter to donate their geneseed to their creation is unknown. The geneseed has a very clear defect in it, however, and has caused some concerns.

 

The anti-aging elements in the Thunder Lords' geneseed is over pronounced, causing the marines to look physically younger and slightly shorter than their contemporaries. It also leads to a frightening lack of maturity among the rank and file of the chapter. Even the Chapter Master Hector is known to be somewhat over-confident, stubborn and prone to rash, vainglorious action. Still, they have proven to be as strong and destructive like their other marine brethren, and so not too much has been done to attempt and fix this situation.

 

^Appearance

 

The Thunder Lords chapter colors are a dark blue, used for the majority of the armor, with ivory and orange details. Red capes are a sign of rank among their chapter. The Thunder Lords, as mentioned above, are somewhat shorter and leaner than most space marines, but they are still just as capable.

 

^{Combat Tactics}

 

The Thunder Lords are very much oriented towards full-throttle, blitzkrieg tactics. Unless directed otherwise, they will mobilize in a blink of an eye and strike where ever an opening presents itself, with little to no mercy. (More detail will be added after I finalize which codex I will be using to field these guys)

 

 

^Organization

 

the Thunder Lords have an almost monarchical command structure, Hector being addressed as the Thunder King, and his company masters known as the Great Lords. Hector's word is taken as law by all of the chapter, and only a two thirds vote of the General Assembly can over turn him. The General Assembly is staffed by all the Great Lords, as well as the chapters' Dreadnoughts, due to their seniority).

The reason that the Thunder Lords operate in such a manner is because of the speed involved with having one man make all the executive decisions. The entire chapter is geared towards mobilizing and moving in the fastest way possible, so that they can reach and deploy on the battlefield the moment they are needed.

The General Assembly was set up in case the Thunder King made an extremely rash decision, and, though none in the chapter will admit it outright, the Assembly also has to job of watching over the Thunder King to make sure that he stays pure and untainted, or to take over command of the chapter if he were to be killed in battle.

Within their own companies, the Great Lords also have a mostly unlimited power. They only answer to the Thunder King himself, and will begrudgingly follow orders if they are given by any non-chapter authority, excluding the High Lords of Terra.

 

 

_{Battle Cry}

 

When advancing into battle, when not using stealth tactics, the Thunder Lords will all stomp their right foot and fire their bolters to the sky in union, creating a sound as loud and fear-inducing as a clap of thunder.

 

Authors comments:

 

I realize that as of this moment, my chapter isn't very fleshed out, but I will be adding details slowly. Mostly, I want to make sure that all the groundwork is laid down correctly, so I will be adding much more information as I go along, and will be glad to take criticism.

Thank you very much for sparing the time to read this.

[Ace Debonair]

Thanks to all the wonderful things on this board, I've been converted to put my Necrons back in stasis and start working on a Space Marine Chapter. Now, I apologize in advance, because most I'm trying to do this without a codex on hand, due to the fact that I'm still not solid on which codex I want to play with, and hence haven't bought one. I've studied the lore thanks to sites like lexicanum, but please point out anything wrong with my fluff.

Welcome to the Liber. ^_^

This is the place where the meteors of criticism crash into the world of your ideas, generally exposing plot holes and other discrepancies.

 

In short, if you want your mistakes finding, you came to the right place. :D

The Thunder Lords are a chapter born during the 26th founding, in preparation for the Damocles Crusade. The Black Templars assigned some of their hardened veterans to create the Thunder Lords as a support wing to the crusade, using the new chapter mainly as a rear and flank guard. This is the primary reason why the Thunder Lords received little to no recognition for their efforts. The Black Templar veterans soon returned to their own crusade, and the fleet based Thunder Lords were left on the fringe of Tau Space as a watchdog, keeping an eye and clashing with both the Tau and Hive Fleet Behemoth.

Hold up.

The Black Templars wouldn't be responsible for creating the chapter, the High Lords of Terra would be.

 

And since they're more than a bit wary of the Templars, who are the largest Space Marine chapter, they're unlikely to make successors from them.

 

Also, the Tau and Tyranids weren't really a problem until after the most recent founding.

It might be better to start off fighting Orks, then move onto the others as they become a nuisance.

Over their skirmishes and conflicts, however, the fleet has been ground down, and the current Chapter Master Hector has commissioned a fortress monastery built on a large asteroid close to Krath, the Kroot Homeworld, for the sake of having a heavily fortified base of operations. As a result, a majority of the chapter's current conflict is spent in defense of the Mechanicus, which are busy constructing the Thunder Lords' new home. The Mechanicus also transfer potential recruits who have passed the base requirements, and are considered for induction into a chapter.

 

I don't know about having a marine chapter sat over the Kroot homeworld - if you can get that close to it, why not just storm the planet?

 

As an side, the usual deal is that your marines would be responsible for building their own fortress monastery.

And the AdMech wouldn't be looking for space marine recruits. Even if they did, you've got no guarantee they'll bring you worthy recruits - much better to have your chapter's own looking for recruits. :D

The Thunder Lords are proud descendants of Rogal Dorn, though the exact chapter to donate their geneseed to their creation is unknown. The geneseed has a very clear defect in it, however, and has caused some concerns.

 

Didn't you say they were Black Templars at the start of the story?

Although since the HLoT probably wouldn't use BT geneseed, it's more likely your Chapter's descent is from the Fists themselves.

The anti-aging elements in the Thunder Lords' geneseed is over pronounced, causing the marines to look physically younger and slightly shorter than their contemporaries. It also leads to a frightening lack of maturity among the rank and file of the chapter. Even the Chapter Master Hector is known to be somewhat over-confident, stubborn and prone to rash, vainglorious action. Still, the High Lords of Terra have some appreciation for this, because the chapter's childish lunacy gave them a chapter that had willingly and joyfully offered to attempt and build the an Imperium stronghold so close to the foul xeno Tau.

 

I'm not really sure that parking your marines on top of the Tau is a good idea.

For one thing, that's a big enough deal it's surprising your chapter hasn't been mentioned by GW.

 

The second thing being that it's hard to believe they'd bother, because Orks and the like are a much bigger threat than the Tau right now. :lol:

The Thunder Lords chapter colors are a dark blue, used for the majority of the armor, with ivory and orange details. Red capes are a sign of rank among their chapter. The Thunder Lords, as mentioned above, are somewhat shorter and leaner than most space marines, but they are still just as capable. They tend to wear their blueish hair longer than most space marine chapters, and their pupils are lightning blue.

Blue hair? In 40K?

That's probably some kind of heresy. :P

the Thunder Lords have an almost monarchical command structure, Hector being addressed as the Thunder King, and his company masters known as the Great Lords. Hector's word is taken as law by all of the chapter, and only a two thirds vote of the General Assembly can over turn him. The General Assembly is staffed by all the Great Lords, as well as the chapters' Dreadnoughts, due to their seniority).

Stuff like this needs explaining. :D

 

Why don't they just have a codex ranking system?

What's with all the airs and graces? And how come you have a monarchy that can be out-voted? That seems rather counter-intuitive. :P

 

I realize that as of this moment, my chapter isn't very fleshed out, but I will be adding details slowly. Mostly, I want to make sure that all the groundwork is laid down correctly, so I will be adding much more information as I go along, and will be glad to take criticism.

Thank you very much for sparing the time to read this.

That's pretty much the best way forward.

 

If you haven't read it already, I'll reccomend the DIY guide stickied at the top of the forum. ^_^

It's got a lot of useful stuff in it that makes putting a chapter together a much easier task.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

The Thunder Lords, as mentioned above, are somewhat shorter and leaner than most space marines, but they are still just as capable. They tend to wear their blueish hair longer than most space marine chapters, and their pupils are lightning blue.

 

Definitely heresy Ace, but that of the Liber kind.

 

It's superfluous fluff, it adds nothing to the chapter. Very rarely do such minor aesthetics express anything at all about the character of the chapter, more being an expression of the authors infatuation with how 'awesome' his own chapter is. It should be cut.

 

That said, we've all done it. I did it in the first draft of the Corsairs. Your own mental imagery of the chapter is all well and good but when it starts to impact on the IA in ways such as this, you know you need to take a step back and pare it down a bit.

 

You want your chapter to be imagined by others in a certain way? Don't describe them in detail. You give us an apt expression of who they are and we will draw all the mental pictures we need from that.

 

A good example are the official chapters. The Blood Angels, the Raven Guard, the Space Wolves, the Ultramarines etc. Just their chapters names evokes nearly all the imagery you need, it is an apt expression of the chapters character even before you've even seen one piece of artwork or read one word of the IA proper.

 

Some aspects of these chapters are detailed later, this is true. Lets take the Space Wolves as an example. Their little aesthetic quirks are explained through their pseudo-Viking/Celtic culture and the canis helix. They are woven into the fabric of the chapter rather than saying 'they have these eyes, this hair... just because'.

[Ace Debonair]

The Thunder Lords, as mentioned above, are somewhat shorter and leaner than most space marines, but they are still just as capable. They tend to wear their blueish hair longer than most space marine chapters, and their pupils are lightning blue.

 

Definitely heresy Ace, but that of the Liber kind.

It's heresy, Jim, but not as we know it?

 

...Man, I don't even like Star Trek much. I must be tired. ;)

 

I only really said the heresy thing that in jest. I have little problem with the blue hair apart from it's a very unusual and distracting trait.

If, say, it's from a tribal practice on the homeworld where warriors dye their hair blue, and has been absorbed by the chapter, then cool. That can be talked about in the homeworld section. If it's caused by the geneseed, then that's a bit too quirky of a quirk. If that makes sense.

 

It's superfluous fluff, it adds nothing to the chapter. Very rarely do such minor aesthetics express anything at all about the character of the chapter, more being an expression of the authors infatuation with how 'awesome' his own chapter is. It should be cut.

Ouch - that's a stinger of a comment to leave.

 

The padding might have come off your critiquing hammer, GHY.

[Sousetsu]

Thanks for all the feedback, and sorry for taking so long to respond.

I'm starting to do some major research so I can get my origin down, so that will be updated when I have what I need.

 

As for the ascetic decision, the shorter and blue hair was mainly my way of trying to escape the LGS trend of "Big White Blond Marine", which too many club members play. The "Big White Blond Marine" is also the reason I'm not planning on using the Blood Angles codex. Currently, I'm debating between Black Templars and a Salamanders style list.

My decision to put them up against the Tau was mainly because of my main opponent in our current campaign is going to be an experienced Tau player. I'll try to change/make it more believable.

I don't know what views you guys have on letting game-play affect fluff, but it seems silly to me to fluff wise pit them against orks when I haven't fought and probably won't fight an ork horde for a while.

 

Currently, I' editing my original post by adding to the categories I can go into detail about without breaking fluff. Mostly, I'll be updating Organization and as well as adding new bits an pieces.

 

Again, thank you guys for everything.

 

On a side note, I have a question as to Home Worlds. Would it be fine to fabricate one? Because from what I've seen on the star map, there aren't that many open stars that don't have a history linked to some faction or another, and the ones that aren't are seem far too close to enemy factions, which you guys warned me about using.

[Ace Debonair]

On a side note, I have a question as to Home Worlds. Would it be fine to fabricate one? Because from what I've seen on the star map, there aren't that many open stars that don't have a history linked to some faction or another, and the ones that aren't are seem far too close to enemy factions, which you guys warned me about using.

Absolutely!

I've got six chapters, five of which have made-up homeworlds.

 

The sixth one is fleet-based, which is another option - but homeworlds are generally a lot of fun to invent. :lol:

 

 

As far as the Orks 'n' Tau debate goes.

 

The thing is, the big threats in the area of space containing the Tau are largely Orks and occasional Eldar, up until after the most recent founding. That's when the Tau kick it up a notch with the technology and the empire and stuff.

So, it makes sense from a story point of view, if not from a gaming standpoint, to have a bit of anti-ork/anti-eldar history.

 

After all, your chapter isn't going to just twiddle it's thumbs until the little blue fellas start getting too big for their boots, right? :D