IA: Imperial Reavers

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Why is the Master of the Warrior's Cult only a mere battle-brother? He should either be promoted or a higher ranking Astartes should take his place IMO.

 

Ludovic

 

Simply because the Cults are meant to foster a sense of brotherhood that was otherwise lacking - so command-rank is not a prerequisite of membership or an inititates level. Also, although this isn't explained except in my head, he is not the Master - he is the Senior Master, which means he is the most accomplished warrior in the Cult.

 

The Cult of the Smith and the Cult of the Stranger both make use of specialists because of their focused nature; they provide both that focus and experience, whereas the CotW is what you might call an "all-comers welcome" Cult.

[WingsOfTheFalcon]

I quite like the name "Starstriders".

How about Astral Striders?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I quite like the name "Starstriders".

How about Astral Striders?

 

I like the word "Astral" but not for a Chapter name, thanks for the idea though.

 

 

I've consolidated every to the first post, so people can stomp all over it in an easy manner ;)

 

Also, I decided against keeping with the Dorn-seed; it's overdone and I 99% of the time choose it.. So, narrowing down to three potentials I opted for the Salamanders over the White Scars or Iron Hands for certain reasons.

[NightrawenII]

the earliest records available to the Chapter show only their inception and the victories and defeats that marked that rise to full strength.

- Ahem. :mellow:

 

I am a warrior of the Imperium, Adeptus Astartes, and I cannot find it in me to nurse-maid savages and children when my work is amongst the stars.

- Eh, one must wonder, why someone like him was chosen as the leader of new Chapter.

 

though the true reason is lost even from the Chapter archives

- And the bubble of mystery exploded after reading the Origins section. Really, you know too much about your early history to not know about the purpose of your Chapter.

 

Returning to his Chapter to find it ensconced upon the world known as Caelum, lead in turn by High Chaplain Tu'sahn and Master Apothecary Vaen, Du'shaal turned from his mission amongst the stars and saw to the forging of his new brothers into warriors fit to fight at the right hand of Dorn and the Emperor.

- Ehm what? So he is wandering abroad for century, doing everything the new Chapter Master should not and then he returns to his Chapter to lead it? :huh:

- Why is Dorn here? Vulkan was the Primarch of Salamaders.

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there a Salamander named Tu'shan?

 

The natives of Caelum seem insular and distant when compared to other peoples - there is no word within the Caelum language for "friend" or "brotherhood" - and the only aspect of society that brings anything but a dour or resentful silence from them is in the arena of their chosen professions

- Hmmm, let me guess. The humans here live in the solitude, each of them on his own turf. They don't have language, because there is no need for such thing and when is the communication absolute must, then they use hand-leg-wavium or drawing of pictures. Oh, once a year the males and females of suitable age gather in pitch-black place for the child-making. ~~~ I have seen many bizzare cultures (not only) on this forum, but yours is placed on the top without fail. Good job. :tu:

 

Such were the numbers of applicants, due to a population boom that occured around two hundred years after the Chapter first settled upon the world, that the Chapter filled its full quota very quickly but recruitment levels could not hold out in the long term and with the expiration of such an influx would a terrible secret, unknown even to the Starstriders themselves, become known.

- I don't understand a bit. :ermm:

 

Another interesting facet of the Chapter was its refusal to test or put to trial those who wished to join the ranks of the Startriders and, as is the way with brothers and cousins, there have been some whispers that the Brothers of the Starstriders are not held as highly in esteem for this deceptive appearance as "weaker" for not being tested in such a way.

- Ok, I do understand what are you saying here, but it is brain-hurting.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

the earliest records available to the Chapter show only their inception and the victories and defeats that marked that rise to full strength.

- Ahem. :mellow:

 

I honestly had a point to make with this, but I forget what it is.

 

I am a warrior of the Imperium, Adeptus Astartes, and I cannot find it in me to nurse-maid savages and children when my work is amongst the stars.

- Eh, one must wonder, why someone like him was chosen as the leader of new Chapter.

 

Proven commander, good reputation but feels that during the early years of the Chapters inception his talents would be wasted - after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

 

i]though the true reason is lost even from the Chapter archives

- And the bubble of mystery exploded after reading the Origins section. Really, you know too much about your early history to not know about the purpose of your Chapter.

 

That was the point I was trying to make with that first critique; they don't know why particularly the were founded beyond fighting Xenos as their early victories and defeats.

 

Returning to his Chapter to find it ensconced upon the world known as Caelum, lead in turn by High Chaplain Tu'sahn and Master Apothecary Vaen, Du'shaal turned from his mission amongst the stars and saw to the forging of his new brothers into warriors fit to fight at the right hand of Vulkan and the Emperor.

- Ehm what? So he is wandering abroad for century, doing everything the new Chapter Master should not and then he returns to his Chapter to lead it? :huh:

- Why is Dorn here? Vulkan was the Primarch of Salamaders.

- Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't there a Salamander named Tu'shan?

 

Dorn is a typo after I decided to forgo using the Fists geneseed again!

Yup, however Tu'sahn is different... Honest - have I mentioned I suck at Salamander names?

 

The natives of Caelum seem insular and distant when compared to other peoples - there is no word within the Caelum language for "friend" or "brotherhood" - and the only aspect of society that brings anything but a dour or resentful silence from them is in the arena of their chosen professions

- Hmmm, let me guess. The humans here live in the solitude, each of them on his own turf. They don't have language, because there is no need for such thing and when is the communication absolute must, then they use hand-leg-wavium or drawing of pictures. Oh, once a year the males and females of suitable age gather in pitch-black place for the child-making. ~~~ I have seen many bizzare cultures (not only) on this forum, but yours is placed on the top without fail. Good job. :tu:

 

Nope, they just don't have a great sense of brotherhood or belonging on a social scale; they have language and copulation, doesn't mean they interact well with society as a whole there - many of my exes can attest to the truth of that statement.

 

I don't know how that is bizarre; many cultures are insular and unfriendly to outsiders.. Why is this such a stretch? Also, "hand-wavium" sounds like something from Harry Failure.

 

Such were the numbers of applicants, due to a population boom that occured around two hundred years after the Chapter first settled upon the world, that the Chapter filled its full quota very quickly but recruitment levels could not hold out in the long term and with the expiration of such an influx would a terrible secret, unknown even to the Starstriders themselves, become known.

- I don't understand a bit. :ermm:

 

Natives are extremely pure genetically and compatible with induction - obviously they don't all survive - but this means that greater numbers can be inducted, which when coupled with a population boom - many, many, babies born - means that eventually they are forced to turn away applicants as numbers grow high.

 

Another interesting facet of the Chapter was its refusal to test or put to trial those who wished to join the ranks of the Startriders and, as is the way with brothers and cousins, there have been some whispers that the Brothers of the Starstriders are not held as highly in esteem for this deceptive appearance as "weaker" for not being tested in such a way.

- Ok, I do understand what are you saying here, but it is brain-hurting.

 

Too wordy?

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Simply because the Cults are meant to foster a sense of brotherhood that was otherwise lacking - so command-rank is not a prerequisite of membership or an inititates level.

 

You know, this is beginning to sound like the warrior lodges that were prevalent in the pre-heresy Legions. Y'know, the subgroups within the Legions that allowed for a quicker downfall to chaos because they were easy to infiltrate and abuse.

 

after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

 

I, don't.... what?

 

So confused.

 

Natives are extremely pure genetically and compatible with induction - obviously they don't all survive - but this means that greater numbers can be inducted, which when coupled with a population boom - many, many, babies born - means that eventually they are forced to turn away applicants as numbers grow high.

 

You know the failure rate of applicants is in the 90th percentile and above? Until your chapter was at full strength, unless they were doing absolutely nothing and sitting around drinking tea, I think they'd be operating at almost a loss in terms of manpower until they get a good recruitment cycle established. It also neatly explains why most newer chapters don't do anything of worth until they are established enough or experienced enough to mitigate these concerns.

 

Also, read the Thousand Marine Myth linked in my sig, I hate the arbitrary and over-zealously enforced 1000 marine limit.

[NightrawenII]

Proven commander, good reputation but feels that during the early years of the Chapters inception his talents would be wasted - after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

There is also the paperwork and deskwork. Just because there is none to lead, it doesn't mean he has nothing to do.

 

Nope, they just don't have a great sense of brotherhood or belonging on a social scale; they have language and copulation, doesn't mean they interact well with society as a whole there - many of my exes can attest to the truth of that statement.

Well, the problem with associals (no offence) is that they have less chance of finding a mate and father a children. Which is at odds with laws od survival.

 

I don't know how that is bizarre; many cultures are insular and unfriendly to outsiders.. Why is this such a stretch? Also, "hand-wavium" sounds like something from Harry Failure.

To ousiders yes, not to their own. Actually these cultures, who are unfriendly to ousiders share great bonds of brotherhood and friendship within their circle.

 

Too wordy?

Too complicated. ^_^

 

If you want the cults so badly then create a sociaty with (rigid) Caste-system.

[Heru]

after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

 

I, don't.... what?

 

So confused.

I think I either hit CJJ too hard or too many times with the spinal flail...

Edited January 14, 2011 by Heru Talon

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Simply because the Cults are meant to foster a sense of brotherhood that was otherwise lacking - so command-rank is not a prerequisite of membership or an inititates level.

 

You know, this is beginning to sound like the warrior lodges that were prevalent in the pre-heresy Legions. Y'know, the subgroups within the Legions that allowed for a quicker downfall to chaos because they were easy to infiltrate and abuse.

 

I knew someone would bring that up eventually.. And was hoping no one would bring it up :P

 

I don't honestly think that it was the fault of the lodges.

 

after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

 

I, don't.... what?

 

So confused.

 

- Yeah, totally mistyped!

 

I meant if there are no Astartes to lead, its a waste of his talents.

 

Natives are extremely pure genetically and compatible with induction - obviously they don\'t all survive - but this means that greater numbers can be inducted, which when coupled with a population boom - many, many, babies born - means that eventually they are forced to turn away applicants as numbers grow high.

 

You know the failure rate of applicants is in the 90th percentile and above? Until your chapter was at full strength, unless they were doing absolutely nothing and sitting around drinking tea, I think they'd be operating at almost a loss in terms of manpower until they get a good recruitment cycle established. It also neatly explains why most newer chapters don't do anything of worth until they are established enough or experienced enough to mitigate these concerns.

 

Also, read the Thousand Marine Myth linked in my sig, I hate the arbitrary and over-zealously enforced 1000 marine limit.

 

Aye, I know.. But I never said what quantity "greater" equates too; higher than normal, but not anything like 2:1.. Besides which, such a trend won't last.

 

Proven commander, good reputation but feels that during the early years of the Chapters inception his talents would be wasted - after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

There is also the paperwork and deskwork. Just because there is none to lead, it doesn\'t mean he has nothing to do.

 

Exactly.

 

I don't think a Marine of any stripe would be doing "paperwork".

 

Nope, they just don't have a great sense of brotherhood or belonging on a social scale; they have language and copulation, doesn't mean they interact well with society as a whole there - many of my exes can attest to the truth of that statement.

Well, the problem with associals (no offence) is that they have less chance of finding a mate and father a children. Which is at odds with laws od survival.

 

In fairness, it might make it harder but not impossible.

 

Also, in my opinion, that is applying far too much real world logic to this point.

 

I don't know how that is bizarre; many cultures are insular and unfriendly to outsiders.. Why is this such a stretch? Also, "hand-wavium" sounds like something from Harry Failure.

To ousiders yes, not to their own. Actually these cultures, who are unfriendly to ousiders share great bonds of brotherhood and friendship within their circle.

 

Perhaps in most cases, but somewhere there is always an exception.

 

Too wordy?

Too complicated. :)

 

That's why I usually get wordy.

 

If you want the cults so badly then create a sociaty with (rigid) Caste-system.

 

Aye, was think I might have to given GHY's point about the Crusade Lodges.

 

Cheers for the input fellas.

 

 

after all, who is he to show who to be a Space Marine whent here a few to lead?

 

I, don't.... what?

 

So confused.

I think I either hit CJJ too hard or too many times with the spinal flail...

 

You know those times when you're trying to stuff a Sub into your mouth - the food kind, not the nuclear - and type at the same time whilst overcoming flail-induced injures? That was one of those moments.

Edited January 14, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Ecritter]

Time to jump in and tear this baby down :(

 

Firstly, I thought I read that the Starstriders were a part of the planets society before the Chapter arrived ... but from what I read it seems to have been created by the CM and Chaplain. Which is it please?

 

Brother-Captain Du'shaal, late of the Salamanders Seventh Company, was given the honour of leading this fledgling Chapter into existence. Du'shaal, a dour and solid leader, spent almost the first century of the Chapters history crusading amongst the stars whilst he left the building of the Chapter to his subordinates.

 

As stated by others, this is highly unorthodox, and unbecoming of a SM much less a CM.

 

"I am a warrior of the Imperium, Adeputs Astartes, and I cannot find it in me to nursmaid savages and children when my work is amongst the stars.

 

Is that spelled correctly?

 

Even with only those thirty Marines drawn from the Salamanders who followed him,

 

Just how many Salamanders did he bring to start the Chapter .... cause if he's taking 30 on his crusade, I don't see enough left behind to start the Chapter.

 

Returning to his Chapter to find it ensconced upon the world known as Caelum,

 

So they weren't on Caelum when he left ... so how did he find them again?

 

The one startling except is the area in which the Chapter constructed ist fortress-monastary; upon the uninhabited north continent lays an area of desert.

 

First highlighted makes no sense should be 'exception' I think, second is misspelled.

 

Recruitment from Caelum proved to be almost exceptionally successful; after the first thousand years recruits were turned away.

 

How is something 'almost exceptionally successful?'

 

"They wish to serve the Emperor, who are we to deny them the fullest opportunity to do so? The trials they face to join the ranks of teh Astartes are arduous enough, some will not survive, should we deny them Emperor the service of those willing? If they can present themselves at our monastary, then let them serve in whatever wat they may."

 

Spelling x2.

 

EDIT:

 

See I didn't tear it apart after all. :D

Edited January 14, 2011 by Ecritter

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Time to jump in and tear this baby down :D

 

Firstly, I thought I read that the Starstriders were a part of the planets society before the Chapter arrived ... but from what I read it seems to have been created by the CM and Chaplain. Which is it please?

 

Brother-Captain Du'shaal, late of the Salamanders Seventh Company, was given the honour of leading this fledgling Chapter into existence. Du'shaal, a dour and solid leader, spent almost the first century of the Chapters history crusading amongst the stars whilst he left the building of the Chapter to his subordinates.

 

As stated by others, this is highly unorthodox, and unbecoming of a SM much less a CM.

 

"I am a warrior of the Imperium, Adeputs Astartes, and I cannot find it in me to nursmaid savages and children when my work is amongst the stars.

 

Is that spelled correctly?

 

Even with only those thirty Marines drawn from the Salamanders who followed him,

 

Just how many Salamanders did he bring to start the Chapter .... cause if he's taking 30 on his crusade, I don't see enough left behind to start the Chapter.

 

Returning to his Chapter to find it ensconced upon the world known as Caelum,

 

So they weren't on Caelum when he left ... so how did he find them again?

 

The one startling except is the area in which the Chapter constructed ist fortress-monastary; upon the uninhabited north continent lays an area of desert.

 

First highlighted makes no sense should be 'exception' I think, second is misspelled.

 

Recruitment from Caelum proved to be almost exceptionally successful; after the first thousand years recruits were turned away.

 

How is something 'almost exceptionally successful?'

 

"They wish to serve the Emperor, who are we to deny them the fullest opportunity to do so? The trials they face to join the ranks of teh Astartes are arduous enough, some will not survive, should we deny them Emperor the service of those willing? If they can present themselves at our monastary, then let them serve in whatever wat they may."

 

Spelling x2.

 

EDIT:

 

See I didn't tear it apart after all. :D

 

I think you killed it...

 

I admit that some ideas are half-formed; I tried not to do "An Apothete" - ;) - and describe every detail but mayhaps I cut out slightly too much.

 

I shall give this a good going over now - who needs sleep after all? - so cheers and keep watching the skis!

[Ecritter]

I didn't kill it, mos to it was spelling errors. :D

[Madwolf Shadowmane]

I like the concept so far. The mystery of their reason for being created made me think of the 5th Chaos god, but I understand a desire for mystery. The thing that stopped me was, your Chapter master was galavanting(sp) around the cosmos leaving the Chaplain and the "Doc" to mode the Chapter, then the CM comes back and the priest and the doc don't say anything. There are no hard feeling, no veiled resentment, or no "you are not fit to lead". I would think those two would be pissed when the Chapter master comes back and takes credit for all their work.

 

I like the idea of the Lodges, maybe the Lodge concept could be reversed engineered to the why the Starstriders were formed.

 

Keep up the good work.

[Ecritter]

I was thinking that they were created just like most Chapters were ... to replace combat loses. No further explantion is needed.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I was thinking that they were created just like most Chapters were ... to replace combat loses. No further explantion is needed.

 

I've gone for "We don't know why exactly, but we fought the Eldar alot at the beginning..."

 

 

Thanks for the input too Madwolf, I am rewriting the Cults right now :D

 

 

 

The only things I'm determined to keep are the galavanting Du'shaall - he won't actually be the Chapter Master - and the Cults/Orders/Lodges until they absolutely need cutting.

[Ecritter]

Personally I think too much is done with the "we were created to do this or that", in reality I'd say most Chapters were simply created to fill spots when others were destroyed or fell to Chaos. I double checked and all mine go the simple route.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Personally I think too much is done with the "we were created to do this or that", in reality I'd say most Chapters were simply created to fill spots when others were destroyed or fell to Chaos. I double checked and all mine go the simple route.

 

I think I've cut the mystery; the were created to fight the Eldar, but not exactly why - in that it wasnt to liberat System X or destroy Fleet Z.

[Ecritter]

*Watch This Space....*

 

I think that says it all, much better.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

*Watch This Space....*

 

I think that says it all, much better.

 

I have updated and hopefully addressed most of the points.

 

On the topic of typos and crazy sentances; my laptop keyboard is failing fairly well - I only wish now I'd bought myself a new laptop rather than buying my mother one for her birthday!

[Ecritter]

Nah, she loves you for it.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Nah, she loves you for it.

 

I'd not go that far.. But go read the new stuff and be kind

[Apothete]

I admit that some ideas are half-formed; I tried not to do "An Apothete" - msn-wink.gif - and describe every detail but mayhaps I cut out slightly too much.

 

Oh ye of little imagination.

 

My IAs could easily be thousands of words per section, yet all the namby-pamby readers want something trimmer and less chocked full of the fruits of my anmiotically anointed brow. "Apothete," they say, "how are we supposed to remember how this segment from the eighteenth paragraph ties into the fortieth?" Pah! If you can't be troubled to augment yourself with proper data wheels and crystaline memory substrate, I can't help you.

 

Write the IA as a haiku and be done with it.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I admit that some ideas are half-formed; I tried not to do "An Apothete" - msn-wink.gif - and describe every detail but mayhaps I cut out slightly too much.

 

Oh ye of little imagination.

 

My IAs could easily be thousands of words per section, yet all the namby-pamby readers want something trimmer and less chocked full of the fruits of my anmiotically anointed brow. "Apothete," they say, "how are we supposed to remember how this segment from the eighteenth paragraph ties into the fortieth?" Pah! If you can't be troubled to augment yourself with proper data wheels and crystaline memory substrate, I can't help you.

 

Write the IA as a haiku and be done with it.

 

With every other IA I have tried - other than poor writing style - I have tended to go overboard on word count and flowery language, whilst in this case I'm going for a "convey what I need to" idea.

 

EDIT: Typos.

 

I beseech the Emperor's Gardeners to prune them from my typing!

Edited January 14, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Ecritter]

Yes, get the ideas down ... then add color as needed.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Whilst awaiting more C&C, a paint scheme:

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm.php?b62c=@haLvy_hHzJl.iakk7@_@@_@@i6tYp._@@i8TzJi8TzJ@@@@@@@@@@@_@_@@@@_@@@@_@@_@@@_@@@@.@_@@_i6ISN&

 

Basically, in my convoluted mind, the following happens:

 

Du'shaal does not return to the Salamanders and stays as first Captain and tacit leader of the Chapter; each Marine painting his armour green like their forebears.

 

Du'shaal falls in battle before the Purge of Caelum and after that Purge, the Chapter recolours its armour as a sign of mourning apart from the First Company who honour Du'shaal by remaining green.

 

Too convoluted, or plausible?

 

Obviously, the Brazen Brass sections could be green to tie in as a part-honour to Du'shaal.. But.. *shrug*

Edited January 14, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez