IA: Imperial Reavers

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Rereading it, I see what you mean; it seemed to make sense and be non-brain hurting when I was typing it out.

 

Then after you've typed it read it out loud, keeping in mind to read it as the punctuation and grammar you've used dictates, rather than how it sounded in your head as you type it.

 

Failing that, give it to someone else to read (preferably out loud, to you).

 

EDIT: Also, I'm starting to dislike "Starstriders" as a Chapter name; it's like of those cool Japanese names that when you try and translate it to English just... fails.

 

I don't dislike the name and it hardly fails. It's only problem is that it lacks the ever present violence (inherent in the system!) that 40k seems to drip with, it's not punchy, tough or vicious it just... is. If you get what I mean.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Rereading it, I see what you mean; it seemed to make sense and be non-brain hurting when I was typing it out.

 

Then after you've typed it read it out loud, keeping in mind to read it as the punctuation and grammar you've used dictates, rather than how it sounded in your head as you type it.

 

Failing that, give it to someone else to read (preferably out loud, to you).

 

Advice I oft give, but never follow :P

 

EDIT: Also, I'm starting to dislike "Starstriders" as a Chapter name; it's like of those cool Japanese names that when you try and translate it to English just... fails.

 

I don't dislike the name and it hardly fails. It's only problem is that it lacks the ever present violence (inherent in the system!) that 40k seems to drip with, it's not punchy, tough or vicious it just... is. If you get what I mean.

 

I don't mean fails like "Star Hippos" would, but more in the.. it seemed good when I didn't have a name, but now it just seems lacking!

[Yogi]

Ok this time I will do a proper crit. I haven't read most of the other crits but eh.

 

Obviously my own fallible opinion. Take from this what you like.

 

> Why call the Orders cults/lodges as well? What does it add? Would anything really be lost by only calling them Orders? I vote to cut 'cults/lodges' and keep it simple.

 

+++

 

> I recommend when writing a sentence, to keep it to one idea. I also recommend to keep it shorter for ease of reading. For example

 

"Du'shaal, a dour but capable Marine who nevertheless displayed much of the Salamanders humanitarian nature, would heed the word of the Emperor’s Tarot reading of Epistolary La’ruun in finding a cradle of creation for his new ward."

 

I had trouble understanding this one. I had to re read it, to understand whats going on. So yeah IMO shorter sentences are better. There are a couple more sentences like this that need treatment.

 

+++

 

..."around 50% of applicants survive the initiation process and even of those who fail, around 15% go on..."

 

 

> Here this language seems too casual, its like it breaks the fourth wall. The figures themselves come across as made up. In my mind you have two options here. Use language like: "Half of applicants...etc" or make the language more formal: "Records of the time indicate 43.9% of initiates of Caelum survive..."

 

+++

 

"Such a success rate was a marvel to the Apothecarion, such success rates unheard of throughout the myriad Chapters of the Space Marines. For the Starstriders though such success would come..."

 

>Such success...such success...suchsuccess. Change word usage. Use a such success once, and then come up with another way to say the same thing with different words.

 

+++

 

> I don't get why the Order of the Star exists. It seems bananas. With a bizarre goal. Should they actually find identical constellations and a planet of humans below, how would they even make amends? I don't understand... Needs more of an explanation.

 

+++

 

> I like Volk and the increasing desire to kill rather then protect. Perhaps here you could use the Orders to justify the change. And make them more important then just some flavor. For example: "As members of the Order of the Blade rose to positions of authority a disturbing trend has become apparent..." Or something like that. Some intrigue and politics among the superhuman space jocks.

 

+++

 

> Du'shaal gets terminator armor.. Why can't he just go to the armory and get it? He is the chapter master! Or did an outsider give him it, if so perhaps mention who?

 

+++

 

>Nice work on re wording my previous crit. You said 'time' twice which irked me but whatever.

 

+++

 

> Hypocrisy of Du'shaal. He gets mad at Volk for not defending the civies, then exterminates an entire planet of people? Just because his own men are deviants yet the civies are innocent. Maybe the Order of the Star can secretly hate him or something.

 

Thats all I got.

 

Just to repeat: +++Obviously my own fallible opinion. Take from this what you like. +++

 

Cheers.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

> Why call the Orders cults/lodges as well? What does it add? Would anything really be lost by only calling them Orders? I vote to cut 'cults/lodges' and keep it simple.

 

I do mention that its a liguistic difference, that decides what they are called nut mostly refer to them as Orders.

 

"Du'shaal, a dour but capable Marine who nevertheless displayed much of the Salamanders humanitarian nature, would heed the word of the Emperor’s Tarot reading of Epistolary La’ruun in finding a cradle of creation for his new ward."

 

I had trouble understanding this one. I had to re read it, to understand whats going on. So yeah IMO shorter sentences are better. There are a couple more sentences like this that need treatment.

 

Ah, such is my lot in life!

 

..."around 50% of applicants survive the initiation process and even of those who fail, around 15% go on..."

 

 

> Here this language seems too casual, its like it breaks the fourth wall. The figures themselves come across as made up. In my mind you have two options here. Use language like: "Half of applicants...etc" or make the language more formal: "Records of the time indicate 43.9% of initiates of Caelum survive..."

 

Gotcha!

 

"Such a success rate was a marvel to the Apothecarion, such success rates unheard of throughout the myriad Chapters of the Space Marines. For the Starstriders though such success would come..."

 

>Such success...such success...suchsuccess. Change word usage. Use a such success once, and then come up with another way to say the same thing with different words.

 

Not something I think about, I just type.

 

> I don't get why the Order of the Star exists. It seems bananas. With a bizarre goal. Should they actually find identical constellations and a planet of humans below, how would they even make amends? I don't understand... Needs more of an explanation.

 

It's er... a Chapter secret? To be honest, I don't think even they know how they'd make amends, but the members of that Order feel they should try.

 

> I like Volk and the increasing desire to kill rather then protect. Perhaps here you could use the Orders to justify the change. And make them more important then just some flavor. For example: "As members of the Order of the Blade rose to positions of authority a disturbing trend has become apparent..." Or something like that. Some intrigue and politics among the superhuman space jocks.

 

But then it moves away from the "crazy mind" idea - more of which is explained in the aftermath.

 

> Du'shaal gets terminator armor.. Why can't he just go to the armory and get it? He is the chapter master! Or did an outsider give him it, if so perhaps mention who?

 

Oh he could, but this is his gift from the Forge World he was so successful in defending.

 

>Nice work on re wording my previous crit. You said 'time' twice which irked me but whatever.

 

Yo, sirrah, are easily irked! :yuck:

 

> Hypocrisy of Du'shaal. He gets mad at Volk for not defending the civies, then exterminates an entire planet of people? Just because his own men are deviants yet the civies are innocent. Maybe the Order of the Star can secretly hate him or something.

 

I had considered the hate angle, but it's not something I was too attached to. As for Du'shaal; it isn't hypocrisy, per se, more that he is aware that the Caelun are not quite human - neither are his Astartes, but even then as Marines they are not quite human so its less a matter for his conscience.

 

Cheers for the input, I see that it's mostly stylistic critique which is a confidence booster - until Apothete turns up ;) - and I shall endeavour to make more sense of it for all.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Advice I oft give, but never follow

 

Well if that's the case then you're doomed to failure!

 

Not something I think about, I just type.

 

As above.

 

Oh he could, but this is his gift from the Forge World he was so successful in defending

 

This is silly.

 

I do mention that its a liguistic difference, that decides what they are called nut mostly refer to them as Orders.

 

As is this.

 

 

 

make the language more formal: "Records of the time indicate 43.9% of initiates of Caelum survive..."

 

While formal is better, don't give exact statistics. Not only is it boring but it severely breaks narrative flow. While an IA is a summary of a fighting organization it is also a narrative piece in of itself and should flow properly.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

It ruins the pain and suffering when you use the terms "silly" :)

 

I'll take out the Cults/Lodges - although I disagree - and even the Termie armour.

 

But I hope you all know, I hate you all.. *cue violins*

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

A bit later than promised:

 

The major Orders of Caelum were the ones the Chapter absorbed, even going so far as to deplicate membership in an exact way. Each member - inititiate - is not assessed on rank but ability with the Orders of both Caelum and the Starstriders, this is less of a culture shock to the Marines of the Chapter, as they become accustomed to the way the Starstriders operate as a meritocracy

 

But being good at something in their society does not mean they would be good as marines. They might find that very large guns of doom suit them, or that they really like piloting Thunderhawks at maniacal speeds through the sky. Speaking of which, where would they get bikers and pilots? Surely you're not suggesting that natives have motorcycles and aircraft?!

 

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or perserverance needed for the other Orders. It is all about becoming the purest and most formidable warrior. Whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order of the Blade teaches and emphasises that actions of the individual and as such within the Chapter it is not unheard of to find two or three Starstriders operating in the role of Champion.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of 3^rd Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

If he's so accomplished, why isn't he company/chapter champion? I know he may not have the skills necessary to lead, but champions don't lead.

 

The Order of the Smith is for those with a more mechanical bent - led by the Chapters Master of the Forge and Techmarines - and most closely echos that of their forebears the Salamanders. Each initiate who shows an aptitude is shown how to first care for and repair their own armaments, with later knowledge regarding the customisation of war gear being taught to those of the required skill. As such it is possible that even a Battle-Brother may have a Master-Crafted weapon if he displays such a talent.

 

I thought rank in chapter didn't matter in the orders. And I might switch out the use of "Master-Crafted" with something like 'ornate'. MC just sounds a bit too ugly and gamey.

 

You seem to be missing a lot of types. For instance, what if I'm more of a shoot stuff from a distance guy? I don't see any place for them to go. Besides, the natives probably have bows, and therefore an Order of the Bow(or some other name like that). I still like the whole Order thing.

[Apothete]

The problem with saying my name is that it means I can locate you just long enough to fire the magnagrapple...

 

I've started work on my critique but won't get it done before I have to leave. You're not allowed to change anything now.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

*cracks knuckles*

 

The major Orders of Caelum were the ones the Chapter absorbed, even going so far as to deplicate membership in an exact way. Each member - inititiate - is not assessed on rank but ability with the Orders of both Caelum and the Starstriders, this is less of a culture shock to the Marines of the Chapter, as they become accustomed to the way the Starstriders operate as a meritocracy

 

But being good at something in their society does not mean they would be good as marines. They might find that very large guns of doom suit them, or that they really like piloting Thunderhawks at maniacal speeds through the sky. Speaking of which, where would they get bikers and pilots? Surely you're not suggesting that natives have motorcycles and aircraft?!

 

- Methinks you misunderstood; the Orders on the planet do not stand on rank, and so neither do the Orders of the Chapter.

 

So,in the Order of the Smith, for example, it doesn't matter if you are the Captain of the Ninth Company or a "simple" Battle-Brother, if you have the skill at smithing that defines your standing within the Order.

 

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or perserverance needed for the other Orders. It is all about becoming the purest and most formidable warrior. Whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order of the Blade teaches and emphasises that actions of the individual and as such within the Chapter it is not unheard of to find two or three Starstriders operating in the role of Champion.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of 3^rd Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

If he's so accomplished, why isn't he company/chapter champion? I know he may not have the skills necessary to lead, but champions don't lead.

 

- Because the Order is not about rank; it's about developing skills whilst reinforcing the brotherhood across the Chapter.

 

Brother Tolu isn't Champion because that post is taken, proabably by someone with natural skill a arms before Tolu earned his Order rank - like I said, the Orders are meritocracy that mirrors - only so far though - the Chapter.

 

The Order of the Smith is for those with a more mechanical bent - led by the Chapters Master of the Forge and Techmarines - and most closely echos that of their forebears the Salamanders. Each initiate who shows an aptitude is shown how to first care for and repair their own armaments, with later knowledge regarding the customisation of war gear being taught to those of the required skill. As such it is possible that even a Battle-Brother may have a Master-Crafted weapon if he displays such a talent.

 

I thought rank in chapter didn't matter in the orders. And I might switch out the use of "Master-Crafted" with something like 'ornate'. MC just sounds a bit too ugly and gamey.

 

- It doesn't, but smithing is a specialist thing - not everyone will have the skill to teach or develop another so needs must that the Order is led by those with skill.

 

You seem to be missing a lot of types. For instance, what if I'm more of a shoot stuff from a distance guy? I don't see any place for them to go. Besides, the natives probably have bows, and therefore an Order of the Bow(or some other name like that). I still like the whole Order thing.

 

- I'm certain I mentioned these were the major Orders that were absorbed? These are the most important, so get mentioned.

 

The problem with saying my name is that it means I can locate you just long enough to fire the magnagrapple...

 

I've started work on my critique but won't get it done before I have to leave. You're not allowed to change anything now.

 

Why do I feel this is going to hurt?

 

Alot.

[Ecritter]

It ruins the pain and suffering when you use the terms "silly" :P

 

I'll take out the Cults/Lodges - although I disagree - and even the Termie armour.

 

But I hope you all know, I hate you all.. *cue violins*

 

They may need refining, but not deletion ... keep them, they add character.

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

*Cue 'Imperial March* Dum dum dum dum da dum dum da dum

 

The major Orders of Caelum were the ones the Chapter absorbed, even going so far as to deplicate membership in an exact way. Each member - inititiate - is not assessed on rank but ability with the Orders of both Caelum and the Starstriders, this is less of a culture shock to the Marines of the Chapter, as they become accustomed to the way the Starstriders operate as a meritocracy

 

But being good at something in their society does not mean they would be good as marines. They might find that very large guns of doom suit them, or that they really like piloting Thunderhawks at maniacal speeds through the sky. Speaking of which, where would they get bikers and pilots? Surely you're not suggesting that natives have motorcycles and aircraft?!

 

- Methinks you misunderstood; the Orders on the planet do not stand on rank, and so neither do the Orders of the Chapter.

 

So,in the Order of the Smith, for example, it doesn't matter if you are the Captain of the Ninth Company or a "simple" Battle-Brother, if you have the skill at smithing that defines your standing within the Order.

 

Sorry, I didn't phrase that correctly. If they are automatically sent to Order x because of what they were before, how would you know that they are good at the high-tech equivalent of their former Order?

 

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or perserverance needed for the other Orders. It is all about becoming the purest and most formidable warrior. Whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order of the Blade teaches and emphasises that actions of the individual and as such within the Chapter it is not unheard of to find two or three Starstriders operating in the role of Champion.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of 3^rd Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

If he's so accomplished, why isn't he company/chapter champion? I know he may not have the skills necessary to lead, but champions don't lead.

 

- Because the Order is not about rank; it's about developing skills whilst reinforcing the brotherhood across the Chapter.

 

Brother Tolu isn't Champion because that post is taken, proabably by someone with natural skill a arms before Tolu earned his Order rank - like I said, the Orders are meritocracy that mirrors - only so far though - the Chapter.

 

Will he become Champion when one dies? I can imagine him constantly convincing his captain to send Champion Joe over here. I'm sure he can hold off the Waaaagh! for a bit while we escape.

 

The Order of the Smith is for those with a more mechanical bent - led by the Chapters Master of the Forge and Techmarines - and most closely echos that of their forebears the Salamanders. Each initiate who shows an aptitude is shown how to first care for and repair their own armaments, with later knowledge regarding the customisation of war gear being taught to those of the required skill. As such it is possible that even a Battle-Brother may have a Master-Crafted weapon if he displays such a talent.

 

I thought rank in chapter didn't matter in the orders. And I might switch out the use of "Master-Crafted" with something like 'ornate'. MC just sounds a bit too ugly and gamey.

 

- It doesn't, but smithing is a specialist thing - not everyone will have the skill to teach or develop another so needs must that the Order is led by those with skill.

 

Alright, I can live with that.

 

You seem to be missing a lot of types. For instance, what if I'm more of a shoot stuff from a distance guy? I don't see any place for them to go. Besides, the natives probably have bows, and therefore an Order of the Bow(or some other name like that). I still like the whole Order thing.

 

- I'm certain I mentioned these were the major Orders that were absorbed? These are the most important, so get mentioned.

 

I sometimes think there's a reason I'm forgetful. I just can't remember it.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The major Orders of Caelum were the ones the Chapter absorbed, even going so far as to deplicate membership in an exact way. Each member - inititiate - is not assessed on rank but ability with the Orders of both Caelum and the Starstriders, this is less of a culture shock to the Marines of the Chapter, as they become accustomed to the way the Starstriders operate as a meritocracy

 

But being good at something in their society does not mean they would be good as marines. They might find that very large guns of doom suit them, or that they really like piloting Thunderhawks at maniacal speeds through the sky. Speaking of which, where would they get bikers and pilots? Surely you're not suggesting that natives have motorcycles and aircraft?!

 

- Methinks you misunderstood; the Orders on the planet do not stand on rank, and so neither do the Orders of the Chapter.

 

So,in the Order of the Smith, for example, it doesn't matter if you are the Captain of the Ninth Company or a "simple" Battle-Brother, if you have the skill at smithing that defines your standing within the Order.

 

Sorry, I didn't phrase that correctly. If they are automatically sent to Order x because of what they were before, how would you know that they are good at the high-tech equivalent of their former Order?

 

Ah, I get you!

 

You totally misunderstand the premise!

 

The Orders are an exact replica - I never state that the Order a Caelun is in pre-induction is the same as after, you're reading too much into it!

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

I see, now. It all makes sense. This was the sentence that confused me:

 

The major Orders of Caelum were the ones the Chapter absorbed, even going so far as to deplicate membership in an exact way.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I see, now. It all makes sense. This was the sentence that confused me:

 

The major Orders of Caelum were the ones the Chapter absorbed, even going so far as to deplicate membership in an exact way.

 

Ah, in this instance duplicate means copy how they do it - not which Order the join.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Today I shall be proof reading what I've already posted - looking for speeling errors* and grammatical issuse, plus good old fashioned nonsense - as well as actually writing up the details of the aftermath of Caelums purge and how the Chapter has acted since.

 

This means that not only is momentum not lost but also means that I get less stomped for changing things when Mr Stompy critiques me - finally :P - so, as they say in my country, For the Emperor!

 

*See what I did there? :P

 

EDIT: Ah yes, make a joke about spelling errors and then actually make one... /epicfail

Edited January 18, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Now I'm safely ensconced at work, I can put more effort into the IA :rolleyes:

 

I will admit whole heartedly that I was very tempted to call the following section "Since the last episode of the Starstriders.."

 

The Aftermath

 

The Chapter would accept a heavy burden following the Purge of Caelum and, following a missive sent to the nearest Inquisitorial Conclave would retreat to the edges of Imperial space under the orders of First Captain Du'shaal. This was not the quiet period of peaceful reflection, broken only by slaying the enemies of Man on the Edges of space, that Du'shaal had envisaged; instead the Chapter was quietly dying as opposing factions killed its spirit and brotherhood.

 

Some within the Chapter questioned the right of Du'shaal to order the death of Caelum, decrying it as a crime against the Emperor and destruction of a valued resource in the fight against the foes of Man. Those who sided with Du'shaal were mostly veterans, either promoted under his leadership or having served at his side for centuries.

 

The Chapter fleet would break apart like a shoal of fish with a predator spearing through space and slaying all those who operate on the edges of Imperial space; be they Xenos, Heretic or Traitor. It was during this time that the Chapter began to develop tactics it would later become renowned for: the art of naval combat and boarding actions.

 

In the first eight years of their self-imposed exile the Chapter did not set one foot upon a single worlds surface, the break in this routine coming only with the death of Du'shaal and forty other Marines, in the perilous cleansing of a space hulk. Du'shaal, by this time almost entirely bionic, perished as the Chapter moved back to their assault boats and Thunderhawks having beaten the Orks within; caught within the blast radius of a pleasure yachts fusion cores going critical, Du'shaal and nine of his veterans perished in the blast. So were the Starstriders forced to replace these losses, taking aspirants from worlds both willing and unwilling.

 

The death of Su'hall was such a blow that it rocked the Chapter to its core and with no ready-made successor to the post leadership of the Chapter passed into the hands of the Master Apothecary Vatu and High Chaplain Kaller, both native Caelum and young enough that their minds had not begun to be truly effected by the Caelun Curse. Captain Talek of Fifth Company would be chosen nine months later to succeed Du'shaal, the first Marine in the Chapters history to take the mantle of Chapter Masterand even-tempered tough Talek was, his reign would not be long in coming to an end.

 

Almost ten years to the day since the Purge, the Chapter assembled in full as if by some unspoken command, Brother greeted Brother and the sense of guilt was so thick upon the air that it could be felt and tasted almost. They came together as one to mourn once more the world that was lost. With Talek and the flagship Last Call leading the way, the Chapter plunged deep back into Imperial space searching for a way to remove the stain of guilt from their souls.

 

So they would come to the world dubbed Tathos Secundus, home to an abhuman community shunned by an Imperium that could find no use for them. Long had the abhumans fled from the purists ofthe Imperium, bringing their small community to the almost forgotten world of Tathos in a last bid to live out their lives as they choose and it was here that the Starstriders found them, forced to suffer beneath the beginning of an Ork invasion. Master Talek would waste no time in ordering the Chapter to a full war deployment, seeing far too much of Caelum and its people upon the surface of Tathos, in hope of ridding the Chapter of its collective guilt.

 

It was an action that could never be truly won by the Chapter but in the act of meaningless sacrifice they found a way rid themselves of their guilt. For three weeks the Chapter fought hard to prevent the Orks landing further forces, hit and run strikes by the fleet accounting for doxens of Ork vessels, even as they burned themselves. Upon the surface of the world the fight was harder going, tens of thousands of Ork vying for the honour of slaying the Marines with Chapter Master Talek himself leading the valiant defence of the final abhuman settlements.

 

Such valiant actions could not last forever and so it was that Talek fell, surrounded by greenskin corpses and the bodies of his brothers. Those around him fought to preserve his body, the men of the First succeeding in taking it from the field in honour upon the broken door of a Rhino transport. Mere hours after his fall the Chapter retreated into space, their fleet breaking action and once again turning from the heart of Imperial territory.

 

And so it would go that the Starstriders would spend their years roaming the dges of Imperial space until such time as their guilt made itself manifest in such a powerful way, then the Chapter would assemble as a whole once more and seek out a casue worthy enough for them to purge the sins of Caelum upon the alter of sacrifice.

 

These actions continue to this day, under the guidance of Chapter Master Aruun Volk.

 

EDIT: To add an ending thoughts?

Edited January 18, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Ace Debonair]

During the Sixth Founding the Starstriders were called into existence, though the exact reason is lost from Chapter archives the earliest records available to the Chapter show their initial campaigns were against the mercurial Eldar and their far sailing pirate fleets.

 

Epic sentence length there. You could try breaking it into two, perhaps.

 

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or provinence needed for the other Orders. The Order of the Blade emphasises becoming the purest and most formidable warrior and whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order teachs each the ability to fight alone as a pure expression of ones self.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of Third Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

I don't get it. All the marines who aren't scouts are battle-brothers, aren't they? :D

 

The Order of the Star was not present within the Chapter prior to the Purge of Caelum, instead it was spurred into life by the guilt of the Chapter as a whole and the personal guilt felt by Librarius. The Order is comprised of those who harbour a special guilt for the Purge - whether this guilt is real or imagined is another question - and they believe that if they can find a wolrd with matching history they can atone for their sins and be rid of their guilt. Perhpas the most interesting part of the Order is that at its base level it is split between factions venerate First Captain Du'shaal for his actions and those who have been vocal - at least within the confines of the Order - in condeming him for his butchery of Caelum.

 

You're talking about the Purge before it's happened. Bad CJJ, bad. :D

You might have to shifty the sections around a bit.

 

I'll read the rest later, since I have to go out now. :lol:

 

Good start, though.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

During the Sixth Founding the Starstriders were called into existence, though the exact reason is lost from Chapter archives the earliest records available to the Chapter show their initial campaigns were against the mercurial Eldar and their far sailing pirate fleets.

 

Epic sentence length there. You could try breaking it into two, perhaps.

 

- I was going for "Epic IA" rather than "Epic sentence" :lol:

 

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or provinence needed for the other Orders. The Order of the Blade emphasises becoming the purest and most formidable warrior and whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order teachs each the ability to fight alone as a pure expression of ones self.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of Third Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

I don't get it. All the marines who aren't scouts are battle-brothers, aren't they? :D

 

- In theory, yes.

In practise, you wouldn't consider a Capatin a "mere" brother would you?

 

The Order of the Star was not present within the Chapter prior to the Purge of Caelum, instead it was spurred into life by the guilt of the Chapter as a whole and the personal guilt felt by Librarius. The Order is comprised of those who harbour a special guilt for the Purge - whether this guilt is real or imagined is another question - and they believe that if they can find a wolrd with matching history they can atone for their sins and be rid of their guilt. Perhpas the most interesting part of the Order is that at its base level it is split between factions venerate First Captain Du'shaal for his actions and those who have been vocal - at least within the confines of the Order - in condeming him for his butchery of Caelum.

 

You're talking about the Purge before it's happened. Bad CJJ, bad. :D

You might have to shifty the sections around a bit.

 

- I was thinking of sidebarring that Order to be honest, as it breaks the flow otherwise.

 

Cheers for taking the time though, Ace, consider the battlecry piad for :D

[Ace Debonair]

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or provinence needed for the other Orders. The Order of the Blade emphasises becoming the purest and most formidable warrior and whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order teachs each the ability to fight alone as a pure expression of ones self.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of Third Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

I don't get it. All the marines who aren't scouts are battle-brothers, aren't they? B)

 

- In theory, yes.

In practise, you wouldn't consider a Capatin a "mere" brother would you?

 

It doesn't say mere battle brother, it just says battle brother.

And cites it as unusual, for added " :) "

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The Order of the Blade is by far the largest of all; by definition every Starstrider has martial skill but may be lacking the skills or provinence needed for the other Orders. The Order of the Blade emphasises becoming the purest and most formidable warrior and whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree, the Order teachs each the ability to fight alone as a pure expression of ones self.

Interestingly, of the current Senior Masters of the Order two are Battle-Brothers, with Battle-Brother Arvan Tolu of Third Companies Assault Element being the most accomplished.

 

I don't get it. All the marines who aren't scouts are battle-brothers, aren't they? :ermm:

 

- In theory, yes.

In practise, you wouldn't consider a Capatin a "mere" brother would you?

 

It doesn't say mere battle brother, it just says battle brother.

And cites it as unusual, for added " :huh: "

 

 

Battle-Brother = Line Marine, yes?

 

But you would expect, in my mind at least, a Captain or officer to be a better combatant.. But not it this case.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Battle-Brother = Line Marine, yes?

 

Battle-Brother is an internal moniker for all fully elevated Astartes in a chapter. They are all your battle-brothers, it promotes the fraternal link they all share and the intimacy of the close-knit, low-numbered organization. A mark of respect and relative equality in service as well as general brotherhood.

 

But you would expect, in my mind at least, a Captain or officer to be a better combatant.. But not it this case.

 

The problem I have here is that all lower caste marines are front-line fighters. Therefore anyone who is to rise up the ranks has to literally prove themselves on the battlefield as capable leaders and combatants first before being promoted. In order to show their talents they have to survive the ongoing wars the chapter fights in and this means gaining experience.

 

In the gaining of that experience they learn how to better survive and prosecute their enemies, all leading to the fact that a space marine captain is still a highly capable and experienced front-line fighter even if he isn't constantly there anymore.

 

Think of a space marine captain like Captain Winters (later Major Winters, it was Major wasn't it?) from the tv series Band of Brothers. He fights and proves himself a capable leader and soldier and is then promoted to take command of the entire company.

 

Also, in a lot of cases (and especially amongst marines I'd imagine) to have a leader who is less experienced and capable than the men he commands doesn't inspire loyalty or respect in his men unless/until they prove themselves to be worthy of their command.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Battle-Brother = Line Marine, yes?

 

Battle-Brother is an internal moniker for all fully elevated Astartes in a chapter. They are all your battle-brothers, it promotes the fraternal link they all share and the intimacy of the close-knit, low-numbered organization. A mark of respect and relative equality in service as well as general brotherhood.

 

But you would expect, in my mind at least, a Captain or officer to be a better combatant.. But not it this case.

 

The problem I have here is that all lower caste marines are front-line fighters. Therefore anyone who is to rise up the ranks has to literally prove themselves on the battlefield as capable leaders and combatants first before being promoted. In order to show their talents they have to survive the ongoing wars the chapter fights in and this means gaining experience.

 

In the gaining of that experience they learn how to better survive and prosecute their enemies, all leading to the fact that a space marine captain is still a highly capable and experienced front-line fighter even if he isn't constantly there anymore.

 

Think of a space marine captain like Captain Winters (later Major Winters, it was Major wasn't it?) from the tv series Band of Brothers. He fights and proves himself a capable leader and soldier and is then promoted to take command of the entire company.

 

Also, in a lot of cases (and especially amongst marines I'd imagine) to have a leader who is less experienced and capable than the men he commands doesn't inspire loyalty or respect in his men unless/until they prove themselves to be worthy of their command.

 

 

You've thoroughly confused me.. I have no idea what point you are trying to make :ermm:

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

Technically he started as Second Lieutenant Winters. :)

 

I think he's trying to say that all space marines, even Calgar, Lord of the Most Famous and Well-Known chapter in existence, were battle-brothers, and don't lose that title just because they become uber-marines.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

*This Is Not The Post You Are looking For* Edited January 20, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Heru]

Is that green-grey one of the default colours or a custom creation of your own?

 

(Also stop forgetting to colour the ears).

Edited January 19, 2011 by Heru Talon