IA: Imperial Reavers

[Heru]

:: Batters both Chapter Master Ignis Domus & Ezekial Gravestone with a spinal flail ::

[Ezekial Gravestone]

YAY A FLOGGING...i love floggings, mostly giving then reseaving, but only if you know what your doing....i am to much a hippie

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

Hey! My back already hurts, no need to add to that!

 

So anyways, what thread is this? What topic are we supposed to be speaking of? And what has Juan done that I can mercilessly devour?

[ringlancer]

I REALLY like the color scheme...well done!

[Donkey Kong]

Actually in regards to the Astral Reavers, I think if someone were to come up with a better name for his Chapter, KHK would likely change from using "Astral Reavers". Honestly I don't think he's hugely 100% in love with it for his Chapter (more like he can't think of anythink better).

 

This. So take it. My Space Pirates are still better, no matter what their name is :tu: .

 

Each member - inititiate - is not assessed on rank but ability with the Orders of both Caelum and the Imperial Reavers

 

Kind of redundant considering Space Marines are recruited as children and I doubt children are getting very far in any order based on the oh so obvious fact that they're children ;) .

 

No librarian order?

 

with no ready-made successor

 

Too dumb to believe. Succession should be with the First Captain, or jump straight to Talek.

 

Overall not bad. I don't get much of a pirate feel beyond taking the hulls of ships (why mine are better ^_^ ). Some spelling and grammar errors, commas, no spaces resulting in words like ofthe, etc. I'd recommend spell checking with a word processor :D .

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Actually in regards to the Astral Reavers, I think if someone were to come up with a better name for his Chapter, KHK would likely change from using "Astral Reavers". Honestly I don't think he's hugely 100% in love with it for his Chapter (more like he can't think of anythink better).

 

This. So take it. My Space Pirates are still better, no matter what their name is :lol:

 

And to think I was nice to you.. *cue violins*

 

I like Imperial Reavers as it goes and my pirate-tones are meant to be less obvious until I get to the part about COmbat Doc.

 

Each member - inititiate - is not assessed on rank but ability with the Orders of both Caelum and the Imperial Reavers

 

Kind of redundant considering Space Marines are recruited as children and I doubt children are getting very far in any order based on the oh so obvious fact that they're children ;)

 

I disagree; basically, just because someone is younger or of lower rank, doesn't mean they must maintian a lower "position" within the Orders.

 

No librarian order?

 

There is, it's a sidebar :P

 

with no ready-made successor

 

Too dumb to believe. Succession should be with the First Captain, or jump straight to Talek.

 

Again, I disagree. But I can't articulate exactly why, so maybe I should just capitulate!

 

Overall not bad. I don't get much of a pirate feel beyond taking the hulls of ships (why mine are better :D ). Some spelling and grammar errors, commas, no spaces resulting in words like ofthe, etc. I'd recommend spell checking with a word processor :D .

 

Yeah, I despise proof reading so I've only done so once very quickly.. As for the pirate-theme, I wanted subtle tones of piracy rather than full on like your Whatever They're Called or the Chapters in the Librarium; it's piracy more by design than nature, if you get my drift.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

*This Is Not The Post You Are looking For* Edited January 22, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Ferrata]

As for content, it isn't that bad. A little bland but not everything needs to be exciting when it comes to an IA. I would suggest mentioning why they have decided it is best for each company to be a Battle Company instead of the norm. It will fluff out this section and make it feel more real and less like a run of facts. I know it says at the end, but again this feels just like a tacked on fact without really fitting in with the rest of place.

 

As for style, I would say it needs a little work. My first concern is that even on my tiny netbook screen the paragraphs are barely two-lines long. This makes it feel very blunt and to the point, without any linkings from one section to the next. I feel like you've taken a number of bullet points and expanded them without thinking about the section as a whole.

Prior to the Purge of Caelum the Imperial Reavers were organised according to the Codex Astartes table of organisation, subscribing to the use of ten Companies of various designations. Following the Purge a drastic reorganisation occured with each Company moulded into the shape of a Battle Company, the most notbable differences though are to be found within the First and Tenth Companies.

Just highlighted a few bits. You have Organisation (title), organised, reorganisation very close to one another. Whilst they are all different words, I do try to avoid such repitiion of words as it disjoints the paragraph.

 

Do you really subscribe to the Codex Astartes? It isn't a word I would choose to use in this context, and I am sure a better one could be found. Maybe something like honouring the ten companies laid down by Roboute Guilliman..

 

I don't pretend to be a grammar master, but I don't think companies and company need the capital Cs, whilst Battle Companies do. Unless you were talking about the Company as you do about the Chapter.

 

I would make the last bit its own sentence, starting with Although.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

As for style, I would say it needs a little work. My first concern is that even on my tiny netbook screen the paragraphs are barely two-lines long. This makes it feel very blunt and to the point, without any linkings from one section to the next. I feel like you've taken a number of bullet points and expanded them without thinking about the section as a whole.

 

The problem is that there is - in my mind - very little to discuss with this section, thus the "blunt/to the point" nature of it.

 

They adhered to the Codex, they dont now because it is unsuitable for the way they operate - naval actions et al - and so there isn't - again in my opinion - really much to "bulk it up".

 

And to be honest I originally saw this as the shortest of the sections - Geneseed and Battlecry don't count in this regard.

[Ferrata]

That is the key to a good IA, be able to weave the theme of the Chapter into every bit, no matter how factual and blunt it needs to be.

 

The Imperial Castellans have a similar organisation section to your chapter - Codex-adherent and space-bourne battles are common. I don't pretend this is perfect, but this is how their organisation section looks:

 

Throughout their history, the Castellans have remained true to the teachings of their father, Roboute Guilliman, and follow the Codex Astartes to organise the chapter. Certain aspects have been advanced by the chapter, increasing the spiritual training of each squad sergeant to that of a novitiate. Each officer of the chapter is expected not only to be the centre of leadership, but also of the Castellans faith in the God-Emperor, and their ranks form the Reclusiam. Instead of being independent bodies as they are found in the majority of chapters, Chaplains become commanders of the chapter, as both aspects of the psyche are honoured in equal amounts for a leader by the chapter.

 

Whilst most characteristics of the Castellans have not been affected by their exposure to almost constant space borne battles, their selection of weapons has altered to fit into this niche. Assault Cannons, Heavy Bolters, Meltaguns and Multi-meltas all find favour as weapons of choice for the Castellans, whilst Missile Launchers and Plasma based weaponry are hardly used by the chapter.

 

The veteran company will often spearhead the assault on enemy vessels clad in the precious suits of Terminator Armour held by the chapter. Small cruisers transport these veterans between the four battle companies who roam the Castellan Belt constantly seeking the enemy who wish to plunder the valuable cargo and the religious pilgrims who place their lives under the protection of the chapter.

 

The four reserve companies undergo thorough training across a number of planets which are scattered across the Castellan Belt. When a battle company requires the additional strength of members of a reserve company, it is not uncommon for at least a single squad to be in the neighbouring systems. In dire circumstances, members of the scout company are called upon, though their lighter armour is not suited to the tighter confines of a craft.

 

Not all of this will obviously translate, the first paragraph about Sergeant-Chaplains doesn't, but you can surely discuss if there are any weapon favouring that would be common in a chapter that favours one type of battle over another. You can find inspiration in other peoples Organisation sections if you are struggling to find how to bulk it out. I know others might advise that if you are forcing bulk into a section it is a bad thing, but I believe that you need to weave everything together and sharp, blunt facts can quickly cut this thread.

 

++

 

Edit: It also depends on the length of the final article. I seem to write longer articles than the norm, often reaching over 5000 words (my latest creation touching 7000). I don't believe longer is better, and of course if you see the final article of being around 3000 words, then an Organisation of around 300 words would be more appropiate (going on a basic 10% rate for the sections, plus a spare 40% for key aspects, usually Origins and the more important bits)

Edited January 22, 2011 by Ferrata

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Im going to shamelessly borrow some facets of your piece Ferrata, so cheers for giving me the guidance.

 

EDIT: Not only was the previous version of that sentence nonsense, I should have posted my reworked section here /facepalm

Edited January 22, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Captain Juan Juarez]

*This Is Not The Post You Are Looking For* Edited January 23, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[NightrawenII]

Prior to the Purge of Caelum the Imperial Reavers were organised according to the Codex Astartes table of organisation, honouring the use of ten Companies, of various designations, as laid down by Robute Guilliman.

- organised ... organisation.

Prior to the Purge of Caelum the Imperial Reavers were codex-adherent Chapter in the terms of organisation, honouring the use of ten Companies of various designations, as laid down by Robute Guilliman.

 

The First Company still comprises the majority of the Imperial Reavers veterans but unlike the other companies recruits solely from within the Chapter itselfs where others must recruit for their own replacements.

- recruits ... recruit

- I don't know what the highlighted part is supposed to meant. I presume, there is something missing.

 

The staple of the Chapter is the humble Bolt Pistol...

~

The Flamer and Meltagun both feature heavily in the arsenal of the Imperial Reavers

- What about Plasma-, Melta- Pistols and Hand Flamers?

 

the Imperial Reavers have deployed chainswords, chainaxes and even a chainspear during ship-to-ship operations.

- You forget chainscythes, chainhammers, chainclaws and chainchains... :( Joking aside, I'm not sure if the chainspear is workable idea.

Edited January 23, 2011 by NightrawenII

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Prior to the Purge of Caelum the Imperial Reavers were organised according to the Codex Astartes table of organisation, honouring the use of ten Companies, of various designations, as laid down by Robute Guilliman.

- organised ... organisation.

Prior to the Purge of Caelum the Imperial Reavers were codex-adherent Chapter in the terms of organisation, honouring the use of ten Companies of various designations, as laid down by Robute Guilliman.

 

- Damn my limited vocabulary.

 

The First Company still comprises the majority of the Imperial Reavers veterans but unlike the other companies recruits solely from within the Chapter itselfs where others must recruit for their own replacements.

- recruits ... recruit

- I don't know what the highlighted part is supposed to meant. I presume, there is something missing.

 

- See above :P

 

Not really missing.. Second Company onwards recruit in the "normal" way; drawing aspirants from planets and putting them through selection processes - except they do this individually.

 

The staple of the Chapter is the humble Bolt Pistol...

~

The Flamer and Meltagun both feature heavily in the arsenal of the Imperial Reavers

- What about Plasma-, Melta- Pistols and Hand Flamers?

 

I personally have never like Plasma Pistols, thought Melta-Pistols were fairly uncommon and Hand Flamers are of a very limited use. Plus, with the majority of the Squads boarding ships being assault-focused, the BP would be the staple ranged weapon for those squads.

 

the Imperial Reavers have deployed chainswords, chainaxes and even a chainspear during ship-to-ship operations.

- You forget chainscythes, chainhammers, chainclaws and chainchains... :( Joking aside, I'm not sure if the chainspear is workable idea.

 

- Me either, but I like the image it conjurs in my head.. It was either that or mention the Chainhalberd ;)

[Ferrata]

I don't think you need to go through every weapon. With regards to Chainweapons you could say this:

 

It has become a fascination of the Chapter to manufacture a wide varity of chain weaponry, from standard chainswords to more exotic items such as chainhalberds. The usefullness of such technology in the crowded confines of a ships bowels is unquestioable, allowing a marine to carve new entrances through the metal walls to aid the killing of the enemy.

 

It isn't perfect, but it adds a nice little layer of fluff to the weapons.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I don't think you need to go through every weapon. With regards to Chainweapons you could say this:

 

It has become a fascination of the Chapter to manufacture a wide varity of chain weaponry, from standard chainswords to more exotic items such as chainhalberds. The usefullness of such technology in the crowded confines of a ships bowels is unquestioable, allowing a marine to carve new entrances through the metal walls to aid the killing of the enemy.

 

It isn't perfect, but it adds a nice little layer of fluff to the weapons.

 

I've cut it back, metioning instead that the variety of chain-weapons allows the carving up of both internal structures and enemies.

 

Also tacked a bit on to the First Company bit to make the recruitment there more plain and "in the open".

 

EDIT: Incidentally, whilst people are viewing, how can I figure out the colour number codes for the headers? Does it relate to the text colour codes?

Edited January 23, 2011 by Captain Juan Juarez

[Ferrata]

Do you mean so you can do this:

 

Red

Green

Blue with Red Writing

 

It is called Hexadecimal Code with each colour having 6 digits. It is the same that is used for font colour but without the # and the same colour code used on the painter (a good way to get certain colours).

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Indeed I do! It's been ages since I had to use it, so brain is slightly fuzzy in that regard.

 

Cheers, as always, Ferrata :)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Incidentally, before I crack on with the Combat Doctrine section, anyone have any ideas for a Chapter symbol? My creativity when it comes to art is... Poor... So I can't think of a suitable badge for these guys.

 

Combat Doctrine

 

True to their traditions since the Purge of Caelum the Imperial Reavers are found almost exclusively operating as a naval force; there are few others amongst the many brotherhoods of the Adeptus Astartes who can match the void-war and boarding skills of the Imperial Reavers. Each Battle Company operates independantly with its own small fleet of captial ships and escorts, ready and able to take the fight to any foe who makes the mistake of drawing their attention.

 

The vast majority of the Imperial Reavers time is spent on patrol, searching out those void-borne threats to the Imperium of Man, and as such months or even years can pass between skirmishes or battles. The Chapters archives are full of battles famous for victories and defeats against the full spectrum of foes, from the early years against the mercurial Eldar to present day with actions at the fringes of Ork Waaaghs! or the destruction of rebel Imperial Navy elements.

 

In keeping with the ancient traditions every decade following the Purge of Caelum the Chapter gathers in full force, ready to sacrifice itself as their forebears did on the world of Tathos Secundus. When the Chapter commits itself to a surface action they deploy almost exclusively as foot troops, the use of heavy armour being so irrelevant during their normal operations that they have reduced their armoury in this regard quite considerably.

 

Fairly short and to the point, but it mentions somethings that could potentially go in the Organisation section too.. But I didn't want to be repetitive.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Bump..

 

Is the Combat Doctrine too short? Have I once again suffered and attack of Bluntness? Or does it convey what it needs to?

 

For all these answers, and more... Critique meeeeeeeeeeee! *Ahem* :lol:

[The Shiny One]

I haven't read all of it, but i will because it all sounds interesting.

The Combat Doctrine section seems good to me. I have to admit that I have something seemlier in mind for my one chapter. So i think you explained it very well and inspired me to work on mine too. It is somehow short and perhaps you could expand on the surface fighting.

 

And I have to admit I dont like the color scheme. Why so not flashy, to represent space? Or for camouflage in ships?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I haven't read all of it, but i will because it all sounds interesting.

The Combat Doctrine section seems good to me. I have to admit that I have something seemlier in mind for my one chapter. So i think you explained it very well and inspired me to work on mine too. It is somehow short and perhaps you could expand on the surface fighting.

 

And I have to admit I dont like the color scheme. Why so not flashy, to represent space? Or for camouflage in ships?

 

Well to represent the void I could have gone with the much over done black, but I thought no.. The colour doesn't represent anything, even to the Chapter;it just happens to be the colour their PA is painted.

 

Combat Doc is short, even to me, but take it into context with the rest of the article and you get much information from a small piece.

[The Shiny One]

So know that I read it, the combat doc seems very good and should be enough. And I really like the guilt part.

 

Captain Volk stuck out to me, because Volk means people in german, is this just a coincidence or intended? as he doesn't care for the people?

 

 

The full power of the war fleet of the Chapter

 

to much "of" don't you thing.

 

 

As for the color scheme: I know its personal preference, but what about a flashy chapter badge, like the red scorpions? Perhaps burning world to honor the dead?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

So know that I read it, the combat doc seems very good and should be enough. And I really like the guilt part.

 

Captain Volk stuck out to me, because Volk means people in german, is this just a coincidence or intended? as he doesn't care for the people?

 

- Total coincidence, I chose three naming conventions for Caelum inhabitants; -lk, -u and -er with every name ending ine one of those.

 

 

The full power of the war fleet of the Chapter

 

to much "of" don't you thing.

 

- Nope, read it out loud without either and you'll see why it works.

 

 

As for the color scheme: I know its personal preference, but what about a flashy chapter badge, like the red scorpions? Perhaps burning world to honor the dead?

 

I have no idea for a badge as it goes.

[Plague Angel]

Okay, okay. I've been spending way too much time online lately, but since you asked, here I am.

 

The Imperial Reavers

 

While the name is fine, certainly as good as many official GW names, it doesn't really conjure up any specific image for me. You can hand me any random Space Marine model painted in any random color, tell me he's an Imperial Reaver, and then leave, and I'd believe it. I'd just assume it was another Ultra successor with Codex compliance.

 

 

During the Sixth Founding the Imperial Reavers were called into existence, though the exact reason is lost from Chapter archives.

 

Underline: it's not technically wrong. You didn't break any grammar rules. But opening an article about warriors in a passive voice isn't the best idea. And the adverbial clause weakens it even more. It comes across as a bit weak, hesitant, and meandering. Stylistically, try and use stronger sentences.

 

Bold and italics: here's the actual error; you switched verb tenses mid-sentence.

 

 

The earliest records available to the Chapter show their initial campaigns were against the mercurial Eldar and their far sailing pirate fleets.

 

There's a whole story here that's potentially very interesting, and you won't tell it to me?

 

 

the world of Caelum in Segmentum Pacificus.

 

We probably have conflicting views of what constitutes an appropriate reference in 40k. Even so, while Caelum is a fine word (and is already in use as the name of a constellation, it seems) it just doesn't sound like the name of a planet in 40k to me.

 

 

The world of Caelum was chosen for the Imperial Reavers by Captain Du’shaal following the reading by La’ruun

 

You already said that.

 

 

with no known records available to the Chapter regarding the world

 

Why not?

 

 

and genetic testing showing high levels of purity, it took almost no time at all

 

How can they have access to genetic tests without records? If they had to go to the planet and do the tests themselves, wouldn't that take some time?

 

 

Caelum is [. . .] covered across almost its entire surface by rolling grassland or oceans

 

Which is it?

 

 

The one startling exception is the area in which the Chapter constructed its fortress-monastery; upon the uninhabited north continent lays in an area of desert known as the Sea of Glass; each grain of sand like a small shard of razor sharp glass paving the way to the Fortress-Monastery.

 

Why is it startling that a planet has both oceans and deserts? Earth has both.

 

 

The natives of Caelum live within a strict and ordered society; each man, woman or child is assigned a Caste at birth and neither deviations nor challenges to this order are tolerated. The Caste chosen at your birth is that of your parents and such will be the Caste of your children.

 

Grammatical nitpick: if the caste is hereditary, then it isn't assigned at birth since it's predetermined. The more proper term would be that each person is born into the caste.

 

 

The one exception to this strict and ordered society is the groups known as Orders.

 

The Orders are an exception to order? I kid. But I'm sure you can find a different word there, or just let "strict" stand alone.

 

 

Each Order venerates an Aspect of the Skyfather - the name given to the Emperor in the Old Ways of Caelum – with the Warrior, the Healer, the Smith and the Stranger being the largest four of all the Orders present on Caelum.

 

Thumbs up on the names, but my joking question comes back in a way, serious this time — how are the Orders any different than the Castes? You say they are, but you don't say how. It becomes more clear later, yes, but it should be clear here first.

 

 

; minds so hardwired to order and place that even the hypno-conditioning of the induction process could only alter so much.

 

This is a dependent clause being used as an independent clause.

 

 

Recruitment from Caelum would initially prove to be successful above the normal rate; around half of all applicants survive the initiation process and even of those who fail many go on to serve the Chapter in other ways. Such a success rate was a marvel to the Apothecarion, with such recruitment rates unheard of throughout the myriad Chapters of the Space Marines, though for the Imperial Reavers such a boon would come at a price, one unseen until it was too late to do anything but pay the cost.

 

Just a tad repetitive, there.

 

 

Each member - inititiate - is...

 

Should be "Each member, or initiate," or "Each member, called an initiate." Even better, you could just say "Each initiate" and trust your reader to figure it out, on top of saving precious word count.

 

 

this is less of a culture shock to the Marines of the Chapter

 

1) Compared to who?

2) Aren't the Orders part of Caelum's culture? Why would an aspect of a people's own culture be culturally shocking to them? Yes, because everything else is so rigid. But the exception is part of their culture too. It's part of our culture to wear clothes almost all the time, but you don't feel culture shock when you're naked taking a shower do you?

 

 

whilst every Brother can be counted upon to fight alongside his Brothers to the fullest degree

 

 

 

The Order of the Smith is for those with a more mechanical bent - led by the Chapters Master of the Forge and Techmarines - and most closely echos that of their forebears the Salamanders.

 

Isn't every battle-brother in the Salamanders a smith to some degree? If the Order of the Smith is a restricted group that only some of the Chapter is part of, I actually see it as a difference from the Salamanders and not a similarity. It's not all that different from a regular Codex Chapter's armoury and tech-support. At least, it's different in the same degree that their Apothecarion is also different.

 

 

Upon the field of battle the Imperial Reavers met with success after success;

 

Yet another passive sentence with a leading adverbial clause. Could easily be The Imperial Reavers won battle after battle. Or if you want the word "success" in there, then The Imperial Reavers fought one successful battle after another. And so on and so forth. Active voice!

 

On the Fields of Vetuun

 

What? What happened? Where am I?

 

 

The one great mark against the Chapter would be that as the years progressed the civilian casualties during their operations began to escalate

 

Doesn't sound like Salamanders to me.

 

 

 

 

"You have posted more than the allowed number of quoted blocks of text." Oops. More to come.