IA: The Lion Warriors

[Iron Father Ferrum]

I have a tendency to rush through these things so I figured I start posting this up from the outline stages and work on it from there. That way, potential idiocy can be spotted early and dealt with.

 

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THE LION WARRIORS

Hear Us Roar

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http://i62.photobucket.com/albums/h96/DTRI/LionIcon.jpg

Ultima Ratio Imperator

 

Lion Warriors Battle Brother

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Thought for the Day: Blessed is he

who kills in the Emperor's Name.

 

T

he Lion Warriors are a Chapter with a bold and glorious history that has recently fallen upon harder times. From their remote fastness the Lion Warriors watch the steady dwindling of their numbers with dour minds and dark thoughts even as they attempt to wrest back the glories of the Chapter's youth. For now the Lion Warriors have forgotten their struggle against their own nature to meet the enemies of the Imperium; it is a battle they are determined to fight -- and win -- even to the ending of their line. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

T

he Lion Warriors were founded at the dawn of M36 as part of the Twenty-First Founding. It was a time of great hope for the Imperium, as this Founding was the largest since that which occurred in the wake of the Horus Heresy. The tech-adepts of the Mechanicum had been given carte blanche to experiment on the gene-seed destined to be used for the Founding in an attempt to improve upon the Emperor's designs. It was hoped that the Magos Biologis could, in this way, make Space Marines greater and more powerful than those that came before and thereby secure the Imperium's existence in perpetuity.

 

With the Lion Warriors, it had appeared at first as though these hopes had been realized. The Astartes of the Chapter grew tall and strong. Many were posessed of keen minds and an affinity for technology, and dozens were immediately sent to Mars to learn the ways of the Machine God under the tuteledge of the Adeptus Mechanicus. The young Chapter, operating from their newly-established Fortress Monastery on the world of Riada, quickly proved its mettle in numerous engagements.

 

 

THE SIN OF ANTRIMAR

 

The Lion Warriors had continued to operate with impunity throughout Segmentae Ultima and Obscurus and won many battle honors since their birth. The Chapter itself had grown exponentially fast, buttressed in large part by the skilled pool of artificers in the Chapter's Armory. But around them, the Imperium had slowly begun to change without their knowledge. On Terra, High Lord Goge Vandire had effectively taken control of the Imperium and begun the so-called Reign of Blood. He brutally repressed the common folk of the Imperium, yet resistance to his iron-fisted rule was steadily growing. A young man named Sebastian Thor had begun his march to Terra, and news of his coming spread dissidence and rebellion before him.

 

When the hive world of Antrimar, a relatively close stellar neighbor of Riada, rose up in the name of Thor, Vandire was furious. Antrimar was in Segmentum Solar and its orbital shipyards were a key cog in the machinery of Vandire's Frateris Templar. With the Templars busy trying to contain Thor and his armies, Vandire dispatched orders to the closest military assets he knew of to put down the insurrection: the Lion Warriors. Then-Chapter Master Culane of Clyde dutifully followed the orders from the High Lords and mobilized the Chapter. The Lion Warriors struck at Antrimar like a hammer, massing more than seven companies that tore through the hastily-raised Thorian militia. The Lion Warriors proved adept at cracking the defenses of the planet's hive cities, employing siege tactics with a skill rarely seen outside of the Imperial Fists. Within three months of the Lions' arrival, Antrimar had been pacified, but at horrendous cost: more than two-thirds of the planet's population had perished under the guns and blades of the Chapter.

 

Within days of the end of the Antrimar Purge, a fleet of strike vessels from the Imperial Fists entered the system. Having heard of the uprising and finally driven to end the Reign of Blood, the Imperial Fists and several other Chapters had thrown in with Thor and devoted themselves to tearing down Vandire. The Fists had hoped to capitalize on Antrimar's rebellion by quickly refitting their ships prior to launching an assault on Terra. The two Chapters actually came to blows as the Lion Warriors fought to defend the shipyards against the "traitor" Fists, until the arrival of the Fire Hawks, one of the Lion Warriors' brother Foundees. The Masters of the three Chapters parlayed, with Vandire's every sin against the Imperium laid out for the Lion Warriors. Culane was aghast at the slaughter he had perpetrated, but his guilt was now compounded that he had been fighting for a pretender. Chastised, the Lion Warriors withdrew to Riada while the massed Astartes of the Imperial Fists and their allies traveled on to Terra.

 

 

 

The Lion's Curse

 

A

fter the Antrimar Purge, the fortunes of the Lion Warriors began to wane. Numerous other member of the 21st Founding had by this time also experienced grave misfortunes and given rise to the term "Cursed Founding," and many of the same Imperial institutions that had so fervantly sought the Chapter's aid in the past now refused to treat with them, their reputation soiled merely by association with condemned Chapters like the Flame Falcons. The apparent antipathy of much of the Imperium only heaped anger upon the Lion Warriors' shame at their actions on Antrimar, and many of the Astartes turned exceptionally grim and morose. But nothing could have prepared the Chapter for what was to happen next.

 

 

THE OMNISSIAH'S DISFAVOR

 

In the months after Antrimar, the Lion Warriors' Techmarines had reported numerous, minor issues assailing them. Many of these seemed unimportant at the time, with the worst of the problems they faced being limited to disgruntled machine spirits: weapons would jam during test-fires, vehicle engines refused to turn over on the first attempt at ignition. Taken together, these would prove to be harbingers of a greater woe.

 

The first hint that something had gone seriously wrong with the Chapter occurred in 312.M36, when the machine spirit of a particularly venerable Phobos-pattern Land Raider became incensed while the vehicle was being serviced. The lives of several battle-brothers were lost as a result, and the incident prompted the Master of the Forge to investigate the cause. He could find no fault with the Techmarines involved and it was eventually written off as an accident. Over the next decade however, such "accidents" rose in number, with the most grievous blow against the Chapter being the failure of the stasis fields and life support systems that kept the Chapter's Dreadnought sarcophagi protected. A dozen of the Lion Warriors' greatest heros of the past died in a single night of despair for the Armory personnel, who did all they could to repair the faulty systems and resuscitate the interred Space Marines.

 

Aodh stomped up the frontal ramp of the Land Raider and into the crew compartment. The vehicle's engine subtly changed pitch as he entered its shadowed interior, and the Techmarine allowed himself a moment of pleasure. The Ghost and The Darkness were the Chapter's two eldest vehicles, Phobos-pattern Land Raiders that had been to war upon the killing fields of Terra is the far distant past. He knew their machine spirits well, and always they had welcomed him like an old friend with growls of greeting.

 

Ghost's engine rumbled again, but this time Aodh noticed that the pitch was different. It sounded almost angry. He frowned and walked back to the engine's interface, set at the very back of the troop compartment. A single mechadendrite extended from his armored collar and slotted into the main port. For a moment, Aodh felt the pain his presence caused the vehicle's ancient and ornery machine spirit, and then the pain became his. Aodh collapsed to the floor, the mechadendrite ripped from the interface port as he fell dead, wisps of smoke escaping from his armor. The Ghost surged forward, its Aquila-stamped tracks churning a pair of unfortunate serfs into a greasy red paste. Another Techmarine rushed to the vehicle's side seeking to calm it, but The Ghost's Godhammer sponson turned in its mount and fired. The brilliant cerulean beams spitted the battle-brother, vaporizing him from the waist up.

 

In the rest of the Lion's Den, alarm klaxons began to sound.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This inexplicable hostility towards the battle-brothers became more and more common as time progressed, with even the largest of the Chapter's vehicular assets acting almost completely inimical to the Techmarines; even Thunderhawks must now be piloted by specially-trained Chapter serfs and servitors. It also forced the Chapter to almost completely abandon their doctrine of mechanized warfare, as no Rhino, Predator, or Vindicator was willing to suffer the presence of a Lion Warrior within its armored shell. Fortunately for the Chapter, the lesser machine spirits that inhabited more common-place wargear, such as power armor, bolters, or chainswords, did not appear to suffer from this malady.

 

 

The Rejection of Mars

The Lion Warriors' inability to interact

peaceably with machine spirits has had a severe

impact on more than just their war-fighting capacity.

Fewer and fewer battle-brothers created each year

qualify for Techmarine training, and many of these

few who are sent to Mars are rejected by the

Adeptus Mechanicus before they are even able to

begin their studies. The Chapter's Armory is now

woefully understrength in trained Techmarines, with

many of their functions being carried out by serfs and

a brave few tech-priests willing to aid the Lion Warriors

in their hour of need. Those few Techmarines still

able to placate machine spirits are held in almost

superstitious awe by their comrades and are never

hazarded in battle if it can be at all avoided.

 

 

The Lion Warriors' inability to practice armored warfare forced them to alter their tactics to utilize the only means of rapid movement available to them: bikes and jump packs. The spirits of these machines are less aware than those of their larger brethren, and so continue to provide faithful service to the Chapter's Space Marines. As a result, the Lion Warriors have begun to specialize in the use of these devices and, when at war, deploy almost entirely utilizing bikes and jump packs. This change in tactics has resulted in a more assault-centered doctrine; combined with their inability to deploy within armored personnel carriers, safely protected from heavy weapons fire, this resulted in a vastly decreased kill ratio. At no point was this new vulnerability to enemy weapons demonstrated more clearly than when Riada, and the Lion Warriors' fortress-monastery, was attacked by a warhost of the perfidious Eldar. The speed and sorcery of the Eldar was such that the Lion Warriors found it difficult to engage the xenos invaders and consequently suffered serious casualties from the arcane weaponry of their foe.

 

Despite the problems they have faced, the Lion Warriors have never ceased in their role as protectors of mankind, and continue to throw themselves into the cauldron of battle at the behest of Imperial authorities. They have fought in thousands of engagements across the Imperium in the intervening years and earned uncounted battle honors against foes as various as the orks of Waagh! Eadbasha, the Tau, and the Kraken splinter fleets. For their part, the Lion Warriors see each death in battle as one more apology to the God-Emperor for the Sin of Antrimar and one more life laid in balance against the billions they killed, and thus suffer each casualty with equal parts desperation and humility. Such is their operational tempo and rate of attrition that losses have mounted far faster than they could ever have been replaced, and the Chapter's strength steadily dwindled throughout M39 and M40. When word came to Riada that Abaddon the Despoiler had returned to the Cadian Gate once more, and at the head of an army of Chaos greater than any ever before seen, Chapter Master Culloden of Bruce gathered the entirety of the Lion Warriors and departed for Cadia. Whether he hopes to attain final forgiveness or to take the Chapter into its final immolation is known only to him.

 

 

Homeworld

 

T

he world of Riada is a primitive planet brought into the Emperor's light in the early stages of the Great Crusade. Apocryphal legends in the Chapter's Librarius claim that the planet had to be cleansed of its "fae inhabitants, whose sorcery was beyond the ken of mere mortals." The veracity of this tale is unknown, but Lion Warrior scouting expeditions have located several sites across Riada containing pre-Imperial xenos architecture, indicating that it was once a colony of some unidentified aliens. It lies in the far west of the Ultima Segmentum near the border with the Segmentum Solar. The whole of Riada is rustic and untamed and the few pockets of human civilization there are survive by virtue of eternal vigilance and back-breaking labor. The Riadan people are hard workers with little attitude beyond a desire to survive against all odds. The more practical minded have settled towns and small city-states, although none of these are true powers on the world; the largest of them -- Clyde, Kirk, and Umber -- have little more than a hundred thousand inhabitants. The majority of Riadans are divided into family-based Clans which rove across the surface of the world, living off the land and raiding both the cities and each other for weapons and supplies. Alliances between the clans tend to be short-lived at best, although some of the larger clans can claim the allegiance of others through strong blood ties.

 

The planet's defining characteristic is its unforgiving terrain. Its primary landmasses are rocky and broken, with little in the way of truly arable land. Highlands and moors predominate, with the few lush valleys the scenes of constant battles between nomadic clans and the permanent settlers who scrape their living from the earth. Its ice caps are surrounded by deep oceans which local legends claim to be home of great sea-serpeants called lock monsters, though the inland seas that dot the landscape tend to be shallow and pockmarked with archipelagos. The mist-shrouded moors are also filled with dangerous fauna. The apex predators of Riada are the stone lions, massive beasts larger than a full-sized grox, from which the Chapter draws its name. Stone lions are solitary, their one true blessing in the eyes of the Riadans; a single stone lion is capable of killing an entire village on its own with little trouble, and their hardened, wiry fur provides excellent protection against the primitive weapons of their human prey. Other threats, such as the pernicious redcaps and corpse candles, also pose a danger to lone travellers.

 

The fortess-monastery of the Lion Warriors is called the Lion's Den or simply the Den. It was built into the side of the Mons Beacon, a massive mountain that rears from the vast Ferness Sea. Its curtain walls, though well-armored, are plated in solid gold; sunlight reflecting off of this bastion is what draws the adventurous youth of Riada to the island. Known to local legend as Lyonesse, the Den is said to be a vast city of gods built of solid gold, and that any young man who reaches it joins a brotherhood of divine warriors. The journey to Lyonesse is fraught with peril, as any who approach must first trek through one of the stone lions' favored hunting grounds and brave the waters of the Ferness Sea, which are known to be infested by vicious aquatic mammalians called eich uisge. Despite the dangers, the young men of Riada never stop trying to reach Lyonesse and the Lion's Den and for those few brave and skilled enough to do so, the Chapter awaits to welcome them as aspirants.

 

The Defense of Riada

In 697M41, the Lion Warriors' Chief Librarian, Malcolm of Embrie, had a foretelling that battle would soon come to Riada. alerted, the Chapter withdrew its preparations to join a crusade elsewhere in the Segmentum and prepared its fleet, making ready to meet the invasion threat in whatever form it might take -- or so they believed. Utilizing webway gates that remain hidden to this day, the Eldar of Biel-Tan Craftworld swept across Riada. They killed any human they came across, levelling a dozen cities and killing thousands of Riadans. The Lion Warriors responded immediately, sallying from the Lion's Den to meet the invaders head-on. The Eldar refused to fight so honorably. They utilized their advantages in mobility and protection to outmaneuver and outfight the Space Marines at almost every turn. Without the armor of Rhinos to keep them safe, the Lion Warriors were ruthlessly culled by Dark Reapers and massed shuriken fire. The battle for the world seemed lost until Culloden of Bruce, then Captain of the 4th Company, risked the wrath of the machine spirits by conducting a combat drop from the flagship Alexander. Though several pods were lost prior to landing, most of the Astartes weathered the drop and landed in the midst of the Swordwind Host. Unable to disengage at speed with the Lion Warriors amongst them, the Eldar were pinned in place long enough for the rest of the Chapter to bring their might to bear. Fighting now at close quarters with a vengeful and implacable foe, the Eldar felt the tide turning against them and those who could fled back to the Webway.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Combat Doctrine

 

T

he Lion Warriors earned an early reputation as excellent siege-crackers; their inaugural campaigns pitted them against the defenses of Chaos-inspired renegades on Tibur VIII and Horvath Binary. These campaigns in particular honed their siegecraft, and it was an expertise they put into lethal effect on Antrimar two centuries later. The Omnissiah's Disfavor, however, put an end to this specialty. Those sorts of operations required heavy weapons such as the Thunderfire Cannon, Whirlwind artillery tank, and Land Raider, none of which the Lion Warriors were able to safely operate anymore.

 

With siege warfare and armored operations no longer possible, the Chapter had to ignore large swathes of the Codex Astartes. Instead, they focused on the few options in their arsenal that still provided reliable mobility: the bike and the jump pack, two small and relatively simple devices whose less aware machine spirits lack the capacity for anger. Entirely mobilized by these two methods, the Lion Warriors were reborn as a quick-strike element, capable of rapid reconnaissance and pinpoint assaults at a moment's notice. The Chapter Council decided to capitalize on this as much as possible, and every Lion Warrior now trains extensively in long-range patrolling, rapid flank-marches, and the art of the sword.

 

 

Organization

 

T

he Chapter began life as a Codex Chapter, with the standard ten-company organization decreed by that venerable tome. By the end of M40, however, maintaining the full ten companies became next to impossible. The Lion Warriors were so active as a Chapter, and normally took such a heavy toll in casualties while on campaign, that they were simply incapable of staffing every company. One after another, the Reserve Companies were disbanded when they could no longer maintain at least 50% of their established strength.

 

Now, the Chapter's future is in doubt. There is little more than five hundred Marines in the Chapter, with only the Battle Companies maintained at full manning. The 1st Company continues to fight as well, with almost all of its members deployed as Vanguard squads (although it is rare for Tactical Dreadnought Armor to be afflicted by the Omnissiah's Disfavor, Terminators are simply too slow to maintain pace with the rest of a Lion Warrior force). The 10th Company also continues to function in its role of providing new battle brothers. Chapter Master Culloden recently authorized the Master of Recruits to conduct the first "recruiting sweep" in the history of the Chapter in an attempt to bolster the Chapter's numbers, with small detachments of Scouts and Apothecaries moving amongst Riada's nomadic clans to gather new potentials for induction to the Chapter.

 

 

Beliefs

 

T

he defining belief of the Lion Warriors is that their incompatibility with machine spirits is a punishment set upon them by the God-Emperor for the Sin of Antrimar. Called the Omnissiah's Disfavor, the Lion Warriors believe that they will continue to suffer this curse until they are able to balance the scales -- one Lion Warrior called to the Emperor's Grace for every loyal, innocent civilian that died on Antrimar at their hands. Thus, while they mourn their losses, each lost battle brother is also one more paving stone in the long road to absolution. These beliefs have led the Lion Warriors to become deeply devout, although their natural dour pragmatism makes true faith difficult to come by. They are also somewhat suspicious -- some might even say paranoid -- about religious authorities as a result of Vandire's legacy. They are careful to keep the Ecclesiarchy at arm's length and frown upon other Astartes Chapters that embrace the Ministorum whole-heartedly.

 

This ingrained suspicion is, however, simply one part of a larger whole. Their Riadan recruiting stock live in largely isolated nomadic clans, and standard hypno-conditioning is not one hundred percent effective at overwriting their tribal-based outlook. Lion Warriors take great pride in their families, and clan names continue to be used long after an aspirant has left their families. Indeed, old clan rivalries and allegiances sometimes influence Chapter politics. Regardless, each Space Marine is taught that the Chapter alone is their new clan and family. This normally smooths over most of the worst inter-Astartes rivalries, but it also has the opposite effect when dealing with other Imperial agencies. It is extremely rare for the Lion Warriors to fight along side other Space Marine Chapters, and for their part, most of the Astartes consider the Lion Warriors to be forlorn loners.

 

 

Gene Seed

 

W

hen the Adeptus Mechanicus set out to prepare the gene-seed of the Lion Warriors, it is surmised that they attempted to adapt it to create a Chapter with the same technical savvy as the Iron Hands but without the inherent psychological insecurities that venerable Chapter suffers from. At first they appeared to have succeeded, but then the Omnissiah's Disfavor set in and doomed the Chapter. Tech-priests of the Magos Biologis believe that the Disfavor is actually an overlooked flaw in the gene-seed, but so far the curse itself has stymied their attempts to prove this theory since many of their augurs malfunction in the presence of Lion Warrior gene-seed. This resistance to genic mapping, combined with the loss of the original records of the Chapter's inception, has made identifying the originating Primarch impossible, and thus there is little chance of them finding a way to treat or reverse the Disfavor.

 

What is obvious, however, is that their gene-seed contains no obvious flaws or mutations, and all nineteen of the requisite organs appear to function completely normally. This has led some to believe that the Lion Warriors are an Ultramarines successors, although other possible sources include the Iron Hands and Dark Angels.

 

 

Battle Cry

 

A

s a consequence of their situation and genetics, the Lion Warriors tend to be somber and rarely utilize battle cries when charging into battle. The Chapter's motto, Ultima Ratio Imperator, translates to Low Gothic as "The Last Resort of the Emperor."

[Blacklight]

Here we go - listen to me as you will, I'm a pretty big novice when it comes to these sorts of things. :D

 

I. Introduction

- Chapter Insignia & Heraldry

- Introductory Statement

- Quote from a chapter master

 

II. Origins & Early History

- 21st Cursed Founding

- Gene-seed unknown

 

Unknown gene-seed is almost entirely frowned upon considering the care with which the Imperium creates a new chapter, even one during the 'cursed' 21st Founding. Given you state later that they're of almost completely pure gene stock, you could go with them being Ultramarine descendants. Just try to avoid the 'Unknown'. Also you could shoot for Iron Hands, as they've got a natural technical affinity that you could manipulate. I know that you mention yours later being unable to interface with machines, so perhaps there is some sort of mutation in their gene-seed that causes them to be unable to interface.

 

- Produced many skilled artificers at first

- Rapid rise to prominence, suffering little misfortune

- Fought in Age of Apostasy (For Vandire? Makes for a switch…)

- Afterwards is when problems with machine spirits began

 

III. Recent History

- Declined in power & prominence through M38-39

- Fewer and fewer Astartes able to interface with machine spirits, many tech-aspirants booted from training on Mars

- Inability to operate vehicles led to increasing use of bikes & jump packs

- Chapter became assault-orientated

 

This is pretty neat, I like the assault-oriented style. The lack of ability to interface with machine spirits is a very plausible cause.

 

- Losses mounted faster than they could be replaced

- Mass casualties defending F-M against Biel-Tan Eldar assault in mid-M41

- Chapter sent all extent troops to Cadia during 13th Black Crusade

 

So long as they don't take a major role in the Crusade you should be fine. The war was certainly big enough they could have been involved but you just have to be careful that they don't sneak up with the rest of the canon and try to plant themselves in there as a huge factor.

 

VIII. Gene Seed

- No deficiencies, no mutations, no degenerate organs

- Genic mapping unable to identify parent primarch

- No obvious excuse for machine spirit incompatibility

- Otherwise pure

 

Aside from the aforementioned unknown primarch issue, it looks good. Others might find more faults but for me the biggest issue is that. Definitely a good start though, mapping it out like this is something I really need to sit down and do for mine.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

I know that "unknown" gene-seed is One Of Those Things, but as a Cursed Founding member, their gene-seed's been tinkered with in some way and its original source may be sequestered, so having an unknown primarch makes a certain amount of sense. I know who their gene-father is, I just need to get to writing this damn thing so I can start dropping the hints as to who it might be; looking at it objectively, I can think of two Primarchs (and possibly a third) who fit.

 

As for the 13th Black Crusade, no, no major role intended. I was going to state that they basically threw themselves into the giant malestrom of killing that was Cadia itself in the hopes of helping hold the line. Since in game-terms 999M41 is the current date and the date of the 13th, I see no reason to expound upon actions that technically haven't happened yet.

[Blacklight]

Haha alright, like I mentioned I'm pretty new so I'm in no way a really fine source of critique. So long as you've got a story behind it it should work great. Can't wait to see what you come up with!

[Iron Father Ferrum]

Haha alright, like I mentioned I'm pretty new so I'm in no way a really fine source of critique. So long as you've got a story behind it it should work great. Can't wait to see what you come up with!

 

Any critique is good critique, in my mind. Even the most off-kilter question can still provoke thought in the mind of the author.

[Argon]

I was going to make an IA for these guys, with an "African" theme, using various peoples for different aspects (Combat doctrine based on Zulus, for example). It's interesting to see you've gone with a Scottish theme.

 

What you have thus far looks fairly solid. Keep it up.

[NightrawenII]

Hmm, two comments:

 

- Fewer and fewer Astartes able to interface with machine spirits, many tech-aspirants booted from training on Mars

If the marines are unable to interface with machine spirits, it means also that they are unable to interface with Power Armour. Quite a problem for Astartes and indication of Black Carapace mutation, which is for all means and purposes fatal for Chapter.

 

No deficiencies, no mutations, no degenerate organs

A little odd for 21st Founding Chapter.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

Hmm, two comments:

 

- Fewer and fewer Astartes able to interface with machine spirits, many tech-aspirants booted from training on Mars

If the marines are unable to interface with machine spirits, it means also that they are unable to interface with Power Armour. Quite a problem for Astartes and indication of Black Carapace mutation, which is for all means and purposes fatal for Chapter.

 

No deficiencies, no mutations, no degenerate organs

A little odd for 21st Founding Chapter.

 

1.) The way I figure it, the simpler, less aware machine spirits still work just fine. This is what allows the Marines to use things like power armor, jump packs, etc. Basically, the machine spirits of Land Speeder-sized vehicles and up is where the problem is, since they're somewhat smarter and thus more likely to be ornery. Serfs and servitors have to fly their T-hawks, for instance, but the Chapter refuses to rely on such things in tanks and APCs at the sharp end of things. They're Astartes after all, and mere mortal men don't have the conditioning and fortitude to go to war beside them, while servitors don't have the adaptability and cognitive functions needed to provide adequate battlefield support.

 

2.) A fair enough point, but the idea is that their particular curse is in how machine spirits respond to them, not an actual physical malfunction in the gene-seed. Plus, there are other gene-seeds that produce mental defects in the Marine without sign of visible mutation or organ failure; the Iron Hands come to mind with their genetic fear of weakness in the flesh, but they still have all the organs. But again, it's a decent point and I'll put some more thought into it.

[Yogi]

*throws hat in the ring*

 

Ok I have a couple of thoughts. Just my opinion obviously.

 

Start with Crit.

 

Why have you made them cursed founding? Like what is the point? They suffer no drawbacks, and seem to have limited benefits. Lots of techmarines? Couldn't you just be an Iron hand successor?

 

Keen minds is stated. Where would this be demonstrated, the Techmarine thing? Maybe impossibly keen minds is a bit much. Perhaps affinity for the workings of the Machine god. When I hear Impossibly keen minds I think tactical genius'.

 

I also don't get why they are losing their affinity for Tech. Like is it meant to be mysteriously related to picking the wrong side? That doesn't seem like it would affect it. Are the Mechanicus somehow working against them for some unfathomable reason? EDIT: I see this is meant to be their curse, but I don't know it needs some cause or explantion or something. It just seems bizarre at the moment.

 

Another question, why when the fists tell them they're wrong do they just sit on their hands? Surely the fist could use the help. Perhaps send them against some made up objective the fist needed cracking? A Vandire stronghold not currently in canon..

 

Right now to me these things don't make sense.

 

Stuff I like.

 

Cool chapter to pick.

 

Homeworld background.

 

Taking losses. Picking the wrong side.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

I also don't get why they are losing their affinity for Tech. Like is it meant to be mysteriously related to picking the wrong side? That doesn't seem like it would affect it. Are the Mechanicus somehow working against them for some unfathomable reason? EDIT: I see this is meant to be their curse, but I don't know it needs some cause or explantion or something. It just seems bizarre at the moment.

 

That's kind of the point. The curses suffered by the Cursed Foundees don't all have an obvious reason and some are in fact fairly "bizarre" and lack logical explanations. The Lamenters didn't suffer from the Red Thirst, but just couldn't catch a break and became perhaps the most unlucky Chapter ever. The Flame Falcons randomly burst into ethereal flames. The Ossmodula of the Black Dragons randomly goes into overdrive, creating their distinctive bone crests. Something about my Lion Warriors hacks off machine spirits. That's just the way the Cursed Founding works.

 

 

Another question, why when the fists tell them they're wrong do they just sit on their hands? Surely the fist could use the help. Perhaps send them against some made up objective the fist needed cracking? A Vandire stronghold not currently in canon..

 

I was trying to avoid nosing in established canon by saying "Oh yeah, and the Lion Warriors sided with the Fists and attacked X, Y, and Z," since the only recorded Chapters involved were the Fists, Templars, Soul Drinkers, and Fire Hawks.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I also don't get why they are losing their affinity for Tech. Like is it meant to be mysteriously related to picking the wrong side? That doesn't seem like it would affect it. Are the Mechanicus somehow working against them for some unfathomable reason? EDIT: I see this is meant to be their curse, but I don't know it needs some cause or explantion or something. It just seems bizarre at the moment.

 

That's kind of the point. The curses suffered by the Cursed Foundees don't all have an obvious reason and some are in fact fairly "bizarre" and lack logical explanations. The Lamenters didn't suffer from the Red Thirst, but just couldn't catch a break and became perhaps the most unlucky Chapter ever. The Flame Falcons randomly burst into ethereal flames. The Ossmodula of the Black Dragons randomly goes into overdrive, creating their distinctive bone crests. Something about my Lion Warriors hacks off machine spirits. That's just the way the Cursed Founding works.

 

It isn't just the way the Cursed Founding works; they tinkered with geneseed to attempt to cure flaws in it - Blood Angels seed/Lamenters - or improve it.

 

You thereby have to justify the why they are this way by saying "This was the problem.." or "This is what they tried to engineer into the seed...".

 

It still requires explanation - "Well it's the way of the Founding.." just won't cut it.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

Yes, there will be an explanation for the curse. I just haven't gotten that far yet.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

*This Is Not The Post You Are Looking For*

[Iron Father Ferrum]

You're right, and I edited it out. I'm a little stressed at the moment and I apologize.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

You're right, and I edited it out. I'm a little stressed at the moment and I apologize.

 

My last "I'm Stressed" post encompassed a number of four letter words and ranting; so I'm mildly hypocritical but no worries.

 

My point was that the way you ended your spiel "That's the way it is.." read like you didn't really care to give an explanation, rather that because that's how it is none needed.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

Hmmm. I can see how it might come off that way, but no, that was not my intention. I think there was just some confusion as to what their curse is, how bad it is, and how much it affected the Chapter. Yogi's not the first one to bring it up, after all. All will be made clear as the writing progresses.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

Maybe someone with more BBCoding experience than can tell me when every time I edit the IA, the boards reverse what is the body of the sidebars and what is supposed to be the title bit? They're correct right now, but they keep switching on me and its annoying.

[SpecialIssue]

It isn't just the way the Cursed Founding works; they tinkered with geneseed to attempt to cure flaws in it - Blood Angels seed/Lamenters - or improve it.

 

You thereby have to justify the why they are this way by saying "This was the problem.." or "This is what they tried to engineer into the seed...".

 

It still requires explanation - "Well it's the way of the Founding.." just won't cut it.

 

I don't know... how would you engineer (even accidentally) the genes for 'bad luck' into a chapter, as the Lamenters apparently have? The 21st is shrouded in mystery, rumor and redacted records. I think it would be fine to leave a little mystery in, and be perfectly acceptable. If you feel a reason is required, maybe just give a few possible explanations and leave it at that, concluding noone is really sure.

 

I do like this chapter - very nice idea about a cursed foundee.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

It isn't just the way the Cursed Founding works; they tinkered with geneseed to attempt to cure flaws in it - Blood Angels seed/Lamenters - or improve it.

 

You thereby have to justify the why they are this way by saying "This was the problem.." or "This is what they tried to engineer into the seed...".

 

It still requires explanation - "Well it's the way of the Founding.." just won't cut it.

 

I don't know... how would you engineer (even accidentally) the genes for 'bad luck' into a chapter, as the Lamenters apparently have? The 21st is shrouded in mystery, rumor and redacted records. I think it would be fine to leave a little mystery in, and be perfectly acceptable. If you feel a reason is required, maybe just give a few possible explanations and leave it at that, concluding noone is really sure.

 

I do like this chapter - very nice idea about a cursed foundee.

 

Ah but that's the thing isn't it? It isn't engineered in, it's a side affect of the - now ImpArm retconned - Chapter not suffering the Black Rage.

[SpecialIssue]

Ah but that's the thing isn't it? It isn't engineered in, it's a side affect of the - now ImpArm retconned - Chapter not suffering the Black Rage.

Is it possible to link the chapter's bad luck stemming directly from their condition (which is actually an improvement)? Or is it still an unexplained, eerie coincidence that the chapter that could possibly cure one of the greatest maladies suffered by the Space Marines (the Black rage) is kept low, perhaps by indescribable forces that would prefer to see the BA and their successors suffer...? :cry:

[Iron Father Ferrum]

It could simply be that what tinkering the AdMech did to the gene-seed to get rid of the genetic memories of Sanguinius wasn't an erasure, but more of an overwriting or suppression. It's like patching a hole in the hull of ship. Sure, the patch'll hold fine for a while, but eventually water is going to leak in. So the overwriting of that part of the gene-seed worked fine for a while, but now the "patch" is weakening, Sanguinius' memories are slipping through, and the Lamenters have been forced to set up a Death Company to deal with a sudden influx of Black Rage-afflicted Astartes. It's been widely accepted that their bad luck is a side effect of "curing" the Black Rage, sort of a requirement to keep the universe in balance. It's kind of the theme with Cursed Foundees; they get some sort of benefit, but it always comes with a drawback. Sons of Antaeus have a damn near-adamantine skeleton, but their flesh is rubbery and soft; the Flame Falcons might immolate, but the flames only hurt others, not themselves.

 

As for the curse for my guys, I'll just lay it all out here. Ok, not all of it, because a little mystery is good. Let's say. . . sequestered. . . gene-seed was used for the Lion Warriors. The AdMech was trying to make another Iron Hands/Steel Confessors-style tech-heavy Chapter with the Lion Warriors, and used appropriate gene-seed that already had decent technophiliac markers without the OMGcyberneticspurgesillyhumans! of the Iron Hands. They tried to amp up the technophiliac part of it, but there was a flaw in whatever part of the genetic code they tweaked that was triggered after a couple centuries. The flaw basically reversed the technophiliac part and now machine spirits get quite disgruntled when exposed to it.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Ah but that's the thing isn't it? It isn't engineered in, it's a side affect of the - now ImpArm retconned - Chapter not suffering the Black Rage.

Is it possible to link the chapter's bad luck stemming directly from their condition (which is actually an improvement)?

 

Yes, yes it is.

[Iron Father Ferrum]

Right, so, the IA is done and ready for full reviews. Any takers?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

I'll take it, you can have my Star Hippos/Repentant Hippos/Starstriders instead.. Your IA looks alot nicer than mine! :)

 

 

Under the title, I think "Hear Us Roar!" would work better, personally.

 

Lion Warriors are a Chapter with a bold and glorious history, but has recently fell upon harder times. From their remote fastness, the Lion Warriors watch the steady dwindling of their numbers with dour minds and dark thoughts even as they attempt to wrest back the glories of the Chapter's youth. For now, the Lion Warriors have forgotten their struggle against their own nature to meet the enemies of the Imperium; it is a battle they are determined to fight -- and win -- even to the ending of their line. . .

 

- Couple flaws here.

 

The Italicized should become "that", with no preceeding comma.

 

After "remote fastness.." there should be no comma, nor after "For now.."

 

You are a Comma Whore.

 

To be honest, going through the Origins and Sins sections it's mainly grammatical.

 

Instead of recent history, call it something like "The Lions Curse".. Much snappier.

 

Will read further soon.

 

*Watch this space for Critique*

[Iron Father Ferrum]

I type like a talk, and that means I put in a common wherever there's a natural pause in speech. But, so far, I like what you've got. ,,,,,,,!