The Fabulous One

[Corsair]

The Fabulous One

A Tale of Bile

by Tim Sweeney

 

"Tell me, friend Garghath," said Fabius Bile, "can one assume that you know something of the original Legions?"

 

"GNARGLEBARGLEFEARTHHHNNNNNNNNNGGGGHHHH!!!!" said Gharghath the Unspleened, Lord of the renegade Scalpchewers and Champion of Khorne.

 

Bile shook his head sadly at his guest's lack of tact, pausing for a moment to take a deep draught from the syringe so recently removed from the Khornate champion's nether regions.

 

"Mmmmmm, exquisite. Musky, hint of corruption, small touch of cinnamon; twenty-first founding I believe?"

 

Gharghath managed a rather frothy nod, obviously feeling less murderous now that the giant needle had been pulled free of his tender parts; his lunges against the daemonic restraints were almost placid now in comparison.

 

"I don't know if it's the prospect of new company, or simply this rather heady brew of yours, but I find myself of a mind to chat about the old times."

 

"HNNNNNGH?!" said Gharghath in what Bile had to assume was an interested manner.

 

"Everyone in the Eye knows the name Fabius Bile, of course," began Bile, deciding at the last minute to avoid opening with a joke. Public speaking was not his forte, and it always made him nervous, even with a captive audience.

 

Ha, captive audience...I should write that down! thought Bile, momentarily distracted by his own wit.

 

"Hmmm, where was I?"

 

"KILLMAINBURNKEFARFLE!!" replied Gharghath helpfully; he was really rather polite normally, especially for the leader of a warband renowned for eating the heads off unfortunate people.

 

"Ahhh yes, thank you. Yes, everyone knows my name, even young renegade scallywags like yourself. I was an Apothecary with the Emperor's Children Legion, don't you know? It was a fairly cruisy sort of job really, combing the galaxy, slaughtering xenos and other humans with no provocation, not to mention installing stolen car stereo parts into my brother astartes. Have you ever met Eidolon?"

 

"BLARGLE?!" said Gharghath.

 

"No? Hell of a guy, got a subwoofer in his mouth thanks to me, fun was had by all. Anyhoo, things were pretty sweet. Fulgrim was distracted by his mirror for vast quantities of time and left me to do my own thing in the apothecarion, the rest of my brothers were busy getting interesting shaped holes blown in them to keep the other sawbones occupied. Honestly, it was a pretty nice gig."

 

"IMOPRARGGGGHBADBAD!" said Gharghath, rather smugly in Bile's opinion.

 

"Yep, you nailed it. Everything was going sweetly until our fleet hooked up with one of our long-separated splinters. I hadn't seen him in almost a century, and was all the happier for it to be honest. I don't know how he always did it, but being around him gave me an inferiority complex comparable to Guilliman's ...oh yeah, I went there!"

 

Bile high-fived Gharghath, who didn't have much choice in the matter thanks to the solidified liquefied Pink Horror-juice being used to bind his wrists.

 

"BRORGTH?" asked the berserker, every ounce of his being obviously dying to hear the big reveal of this tale.

 

"Every ounce of your being is obviously dying to hear the big reveal of my tale, friend Gharghath. Tell me, do you have a guess?"

 

"STEVE!!" shouted the Unspleened in a spray of bloody saliva.

 

"Who the fu...no, not 'Steve'!"

 

"FROKTARREGARRRRR?!"

 

Bile let him stew for a long, tantalising, delicious, theatrical, painful, juicy, overly descriptive, moment.

 

"It was my twin brother."

 

"...?" said Gharghath, struck dumb by this momentous plot twist.

 

"That's right, it was..."

 

Bile took a deep breath, chirurgeon arms doing their best impression of jazz-hands.

 

"Fabulous Bile."

+++End Part The First+++

[Gree]

A word of advice, humorous stories are frowned upon at B&C. I've had a few of mine deleted by the mods.

[Corsair]

I appreciate the warning, but I don't see that this story is breaking any rules.

 

But if that happens, so be it :mellow:

[Nacho Wolf]

Hahaha, love this! please keep it going :D

[Corsair]

Your wish is my command Nacho Wolf!

 

- - - - - - -

 

"Look Ma, no hands!" cried Fabius Bile, the multiple arms of his chirurgeon armature stabbing down into the chest of Gharghath the Unspleened.

 

Ma'nkkqopxrqak'takzzxxpkq the Unpronounceable, Daemonette of Slaanesh and part-time nurse in Bile's 'practice', rolled her eyes. Gharghath contented himself with rabid screams of two-parts agony, one-part mirth.

 

"No sense of humour, our Ma," whispered Bile conspiratorially to the strapped down berzerker, "which is kind of ironic when you stop and think about her God. I mean really, you must enjoy a good laugh if you design your seductive sex daemon to look like the love-child of a Dark Eldar Haemonculus and a lobster, am I right?"

 

"URRRRGHAHAHAHA!" Gharghath, obviously no fan of the rival God/Goddess/Thing, laughed in hearty agreement. Ma the Daemonette just hissed.

 

Wiping the Khorne worshipper's sputum from his face, Bile removed the various syringes and cutting implements from his guest's torso.

 

"See how we have fun? Anyway, where was I?"

 

"PHHHHHRRRAAAAAABBBBBUUUULLLOOOOOSSSSHHHH!!!" said Gharghath helpfully, obviously as eager to get on with listening to the story as Bile was to be telling it.

 

"Ahhh yes, my brother. We may have been born at the same time, but you could not have found two people more different in all the galaxy. About the only thing we had in common was that we were fairly...specialised when it came to our day jobs."

 

Bile paused for a moment to check one of the vials attached to the chirurgeon, marked 'spleen'. It was empty. Nice to meet a chaotic Champion whose name isn't a blatant exaggeration anyway, he thought, Gharghath the Partially Spleened doesn't exactly have the same ring to it.

 

"Anyway, my brother was a Techmarine with the Emperor's Children; designed the prototype for my rather sexy chirurgeon rig as a matter of fact, one of the only Techmarine-y things he ever did in the entire time he was with the Legion would you believe?"

 

"HNNNNGPPORPT?!?!" asked Gharghath.

 

"His talents laid with the mechanical arts about as much as mine do with healing, if you know what I mean. Hell, you'd be more likely to go to Erebus for spiritual enlightenment than you would him to fix your Rhino."

 

"BRUSSSSSSS?!" inquired Gharghath, his normally vacuous expression downright confused now.

 

"You know, Erebus? Basically orchestrated the whole Heresy?"

 

Gharghath shook his head.

 

"Wow, what are they teaching you young pups these days? Erebus is...was... a Word Bearer Chaplain, and I'll tell you something for nothing, that guy is BAD news. Seriously, he single-handedly corrupted multiple Primarchs, even big daddy H himself! Honestly, if I hadn't met the bloke I'd swear he was made up."

 

"FFFFFAAAAAAALSSSSSSHHHHHHHHOOOOOOODDDDDSSSS?!!!"

 

"You know what I mean, the legend of him is a bit ridiculous, and the idea of one Astartes taking down all these demi-god Primarchs is ever so sickeningly poetic, like a group of authors got together one day to write some books and needed a big, hulking, Deus Ex Machina in grey power armour."

 

Inexplicably, Bile's attention was drawn to one of the walls of the chamber. It was marked with the numeral 'IV', and had several large cracks in it.

 

"Never noticed that there before," hissed Ma'nkkqopxrqak'takzzxxpkq.

 

"Quite," said Fabius Bile.

 

Gharghath just looked lost, as though a reasonably subtle joke had gone straight over his mangled head.

 

"Anyhoo, as you know I was - strictly speaking - an Apothecary, but my talents were a bit more esoteric than the norm; I could install a surround sound system into your nipples, but the regular old healing wasn't really up my alley."

 

"NNNNNNIIIIIIPPPPLLLLLSSSSH!!!" roared Gharghath, finally finding a joke he could really get behind.

 

"Fabulous was much the same way when it came to being a Techmarine. Sure, he could change a tyre or swindle a female remembrancer out of a few thousand by claiming the flux capacitor in her speeder just HAD to be replaced on the spot, but that's the sort of stuff you learn as soon as you hit Mars."

 

Gharghath wasn't listening, still laughing uproariously at Bile saying 'nipples'.

 

"No, my brother was definitely more of a designer than a repairer. You know what the first thing he did was when he rejoined us on the flagship?"

 

"FIN...ARG...LE?" said Gharghath, trying to catch his breath.

 

"Waited until Fulgrim went to the surface of the world we'd just conquered - I think he was visiting a gallery or a museum or some such, I never paid much attention to that sort of thing. Anyway, as soon as Fulgrim's Stormhawk had left the hangar, Fabulous is darting around the ship, sweeping up any serfs, crew, servitors, whatever, that he could to help. He was positively manic! Naturally, I was kind of curious, so I followed him around for a while. Want to know what he was up to?"

 

Gharghath shrugged, rather half-heartedly. Fabius stabbed him in the thigh with a giant syringe, rather wholeheartedly.

 

"Redecorating. Somehow, he had found black silk drapes in quantities great enough to cover every bulkhead of that damn battlebarge, and enough hot pink balloons to blot out the Eye itself."

 

Bile took a sip of Gharghath's various collected fluids, the cursed founding vintage helping to take the edge off the bitter memory.

 

"You know what happened when the Phoenician got back? I'll give you a hint, he didn't do what I was hoping for and beat my brother to death with a nearby lascannon, that's for sure."

 

"WHHHHHARRRRGGT?" asked Gharghath, legitimately curious once more, so much so that he barely noticed the blood spurting from the ragged wound in his leg.

 

"Fulgrim was understandably annoyed of course, as he was quite the interior decorator himself, but Fabulous just wrapped an arm around the Primarch's waist in that way of his, and you know what he said?"

 

Gharghath shook his head, feeling another big reveal and possible end to this section of the story coming on.

 

"'Fulgrim, darling,' he says, 'black and pink is THE new purple and gold, trust me! One day you'll repaint the whole legion like this..."

 

Bile sighed, swirling his drink pensively.

 

"The bugger was right on, as usual. Still, I'll give him one thing,"

 

"JUUULLLLUUTTTTRRRGGNN?" asked Gharghath.

 

"Black and pink looks alright, especially compared to what Horus did with his boys. Seriously, the Luna Wolves were a stylish legion and really managed to pull off all that white, but that Sons of Horus scheme? Ugggh, they looked like something blown out the nose of an Ork! I've often wondered if Abaddon renamed them the Black Legion just to get a new coat of paint on the old ceramite, know what I mean?"

 

"HNNNNNG!!!" said Ghaghath emphatically.

 

+++End Part The Second+++

[Dave the Twisted]

I'm greatly enjoying this. Good for a chuckle or two. Took me a few skims to get the joke that Gharghath missed.

[Nacho Wolf]

Yeah there really isnt enough funny stories on here... but this one makes up for all of them :o

[Corsair]

Cheers for the kind words guys, I should have the third part up as soon as I write it later on today.

[Vairocanum]

very funny stuff, any chance of an update soon?

[Corsair]

Thanks for the kind words ;)

 

I put this one on hold there for a bit while I started work on a novel, but I have an idea percolating on how to to end this one. I'll work on it and get it out soon.

[Corsair]

Sorry for the delay, started a new job and just haven't had much time to write. Here is the third and final part:

 

- - - - - - -

 

"Ah yes, my dear old brother," continued Fabius Bile, inexplicably feeling as though weeks had gone by since he had last spoken to Gharghath the Unspleened.

 

"INNNNNTTTTTTRLLLLOOOOOD?!" inquired Gharghath, apparently unsure why Bile was forgoing his usual habit of leading into the story with some form of humorous aside.

 

Bile ignored the Berzerker bound to his operating altar, staring off into space in what he hoped was a suitably dramatic fashion.

 

"Him and I were just so very different. Sure, we looked like siblings, what with the chiselled good looks and long, white hair that just can't be tamed, and we even share a penchant for human-skin trench coats,"

 

"SEEEEEEEEEEMMMMMILLLLARRRSH!!!" said Gharghath, somewhat smugly in Bile's opinion.

 

"Even when we liked the same things, it was for different reasons. Take a topic I know is close to your own heart: religion."

 

Ghargath nodded, a gigantic bronze symbol of Khorne prominent on his bare, scarred chest next to what appeared to be a pict of a small, furry animal, the frame inscribed with the word 'MIIIIITTTTEEEENNNSSSHHH!!!!'

 

"As you are probably aware, when Fulgrim went and got himself all possessed, the Emperor's Children became a lot less about the pursuit of perfection, and a whole lot more about weird, phallic growths popping out of your ears. Oh yeah, and loving the METAL!!!" If it was possible for a person to stick out their tongue and head-bang sardonically, then Bile was absolutely nailing it.

 

"Most of the lads were pretty content with their new lot in life," he continued after a moment, wincing as he rubbed his now-sore neck, "Especially once they got the free upgrades and huge supply of drugs. I was kind of against this, since I'm not one to partake in recreational intoxication - I'm definitely more into developing super strength, rather than developing the munchies, if you know what I mean. Fabulous pretty much shared the same views, but for entirely different reasons."

 

"HUNNNNGH?" asked Gharghath.

 

"I'm sitting there in the apothecarium one day, right, trying to get impTunes to work on Kiallodon's doom siren, when all of a sudden my brother comes running in, screaming: 'It's people,' he says, 'Soylent Freem is made out of people. They're making our combat drugs out of people. Next thing they'll be breeding us like cattle for drugs. You've gotta tell them. You've gotta tell them!'"

 

Fabius paused for a moment, a faraway look in his eyes. He dug one of his saw blades deep into Gharghath's shoulder, the garbled cry of pain helping to assuage his remembered guilt.

 

"I've got to admit, I felt kind of bad when I told him I was the one melting all those folks down into handy tablet form. Anyway, where was I?"

 

"Religionssssssssss," hissed Ma the daemonette, providing a much needed respite from all of Gharghath's capital letters.

 

"Ah, quite. Anyway, a few of the boys in the Legion weren't too thrilled at the idea of blindly embracing religion, even with a relatively fun God like Slaanesh as the object of worship. Fabulous and I were probably the most vocal about not wanting to leap head first into a love-fest with She Who Thirsts. Personally, I never really bought into the whole God thing as a concept, you know? Even the Corpse-Emperor's whole 'Don't worship me guys, I'm just really psychic, definitely not a God, wink-wink, nudge-nudge, no seriously, I pinky-swear it' reverse psychology shtick that was so effective on Lorgar and the Word Bearers just seemed like cheap parlour tricks to me."

 

Fabius broke into laughter suddenly, "Oh wow, speaking of the Emperor, did I ever tell you about how Angron was convinced for the longest time that he was a puppet?"

 

"PPPPUPPPPESSSSHT?!" Gharghath looked confused.

 

"Yeah, a puppet. And I don't mean the whole conspiracy theory floating around of 'the Emperor was a puppet of Chaos from the beginning, blah blah blah' that you always hear. No, I mean an actual puppet! Apparently when the Big E rescued him from his homeworld, there were a bunch of psyber-cherubs tethered to daddy's armour, and he was completely sure that the Emperor was a giant marionette!"

 

"BLARGAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Laughed Gharghath. Even Ma'nkkqopxrqak'takzzxxpkq was fighting a toothy grin, crab-claw clacking in amusement.

 

"Gods only knows who he thought was controlling him!" Bile wiped a tear from his eye at the memory. Angron hadn't seen the funny side to the story when he confessed it to Fulgrim over drinks one night. As it turns out, the Primarch of the Emperor's Children couldn't keep a secret to save his life, as Fulgrim had immediately gone and blabbed to all the other Primarchs. They'd all had a pretty big laugh over the story, especially Curze and the Night Lords, who always enjoyed a joke at someone else's expense. Of course, that hadn't stopped the Night Haunter blabbing his own stuff to Fulgrim, with similarly humorous results.

 

"Anyhoo, the spread of religion had its benefits for me personally. I enjoyed the, shall we say, 'ethical freedoms' embracing the God of excess could bring. For example, it was generally frowned upon as a loyalist to format the brain of a wounded Devastator and install Windows 30,000 onto his cortex, but suddenly everyone was pretty cool with it, even if the Devastator in question was no longer compatible with his lascannon."

 

"IMAMAC!!!" cried Gharghath the Unspleened.

 

"Quite. Anyway, all the sex, drugs, and METAL!!! couldn't make up for how annoying the constant rituals were, not to mention the tentacles and rapid development of multiple man-breasts. My brother had apparently been sharing many of the same feelings about the Legion's debasement, but not exactly for the same reasons. As you probably remember from a few minutes ago in this very same conversation, but which could possibly be weeks ago due to the vagaries of the empyrean..."

 

Gharghath's eyes had glazed over. Bile was ok with that, this part wasn't really aimed at the bezerker anyway.

 

"...My dear brother had pulled a bit of an Eldrad and predicted the change in armour colour scheme to black and pink. With the wide adoption of his idea, this design immediately became, and I quote, 'soooooooo last season', which meant that Fabulous could not, in good conscience, stay with the Emperor's Children."

 

Bile's voice suddenly became high-pitched and lisping, in a way that no Adeptus Astartes should ever be able to accomplish. Obviously, his acting performance enhancing drugs were working a treat.

 

"'The problem, Fabius darling, is what other choice do I have if I rule out Slaanesh?' he confided in me, after all the kerfuffle over the people-drugs was sorted, 'Khorne? Red just does not suit my natural complexion, and all that brass is just ghastly against my frosted tips, so that options is right out.'"

 

Gharghath seemed quite pleased to hear this. Bile privately agreed; the God of Kill, Maim, Burning had gotten off lightly that day.

 

"'Tzeentch has that lovely pastel thing going on,'" Fabius continued in that lilting, child-like voice, "'But he has even more pulsating tentacles than Slaanesh does, not to mention that terribly annoying thing his followers are always saying,'"

 

"Jussssst asssss Planned!" spat Ma, rolling her eyes.

"JUUUUSSSSSHHTTTASSSSSHPLLLLAAAAAANNNNNEEED!" yelled Gharghath. His eyes were rolling pretty much continuously anyway.

 

"I know, right? Honestly, Fabulous was such a know-it-all that Tzeentch would have turned him to spawn in the first five minutes anyway. He didn't even mention Nurgle, either. Green armour and pus were never going to suit my bro."

 

"FFFFFFFAAAAATTTTSSSSOOOOOO!!!" Gharghath howled with laughter, apparently having a typically Khornate opinion of the God of Decay.

 

"He was in a pretty tough situation. I found the whole religion thing to be an annoyance, but he really needed to find a God. The fact was that all the cool traitor Astartes were doing it, and my brother needed to be a part of the 'it crowd' or he'd probably go all Night Haunter and wig out. In the end though, after much soul-searching, he made a fairly cutting edge, risqué choice: Malal..."

 

"BLARGLECOPYRIGHTINFRINGEMENTNARGLE!!" Gharghath looked close to panic, somersaulting eyes even wider than usual.

 

"Sorry, something caught in the throat. He made a fairly cutting edge, risqué choice: Malice. It worked out pretty well for him too, I might add. Black and white are timeless, of course, plus he got to be part of a fairly exclusive club that allowed him to be a total, utter biatch to the other boys. But there was a bit of a snag he didn't really count on,"

 

"ABBY?!" howled Gharghath, hatred warring with fear in his so-called words.

 

"Indeed. After the shemozzle that was the fight on Terra, Abaddon took control and started calling these Black Crusades. He even slaughtered my Horus clones, which, at the risk of going off on a tangent, I personally took a lot of offence at. I mean, seriously, you try and do something nice for a guy, give him his clone-daddy back, and how does he repay you? Not to mention those things cost an absolute fortune to produce, the staff at the factory were devastated after all their hard work, just a terrible situation all round."

 

"FFFFFAAAAAABBBBUUUULLLOOOOOSHHHH?!"

 

"Oh yeah, my brother. Anyway, Abaddon called a Black Crusade. Naturally, my brother shows up as it was THE place to be. He rocks up all decked out in power armour inlaid with ivory and onyx, gold filigree, fur, the whole works, and accompanied by an entourage of chained and bound bloodletters. All pretty stylish right? So he saunters on in and just walks straight up to Abaddon on his throne, brazen as you please,"

 

Bile relished the rapt look on Gharghath's face; the Unspleened was a relatively new convert to Chaos, and hadn't had an opportunity to go on Black Crusade yet, never mind personally meeting the Despoiler himself.

 

"'Abby, darling,' my brother says to the foremost Chaos Champion in the galaxy, 'Love the topknot, really complements the pallid skin and trophy racks, but this whole Black Legion thing is just overdone! How about a nice puce and cerulean scheme? The Puce Legion, now THAT will strike fear into those loyalist busybodies!'"

 

The bezerker and daemonette joined Bile in a healthy bout of laughter at Fabulous' ridiculous antics.

 

"What happensssssss next?" asked Ma, recovering first.

 

"Oh, Abaddon cut him in half with Drach'nyen. Never had much of a sense of humour did Abaddon."

 

Silence reigned for a moment.

 

"WWWWWHHHHHHAATTTTTHHHEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFKKKKKKKKK?!?!" screamed Gharghath.

 

"Sorry old boy, I missed that?"

 

"WWWWWHHHHHHAATTTTTHHHEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFFFFKKKKKKKKK?!?!?!" repeated Gharghath, even louder than the first time.

 

With a sudden jerk, Gharghath the Unspleened yanked his hands free of his restraints, hugely muscled arms barely even flexing with manliness at the effort required. He reached up and tore the tube from his mouth in a spray of phlegm and saliva.

 

"I said, is that seriously how the story ends?" said Ghargath, voice remarkably calm and cultured for a wanton bezerker of Khorne.

 

"It is indeed. Oh, that also brings us to the results of your test." Bile held out a hand to Ma, who handed him a stack of paper, only slightly torn by her pincers.

 

"Ahh my dear Gharghath, I have great news: the tests are all negative!"

 

"Oh what a relief!" cried Gharghath happily, his disappointment at the end of Bile's story obviously forgotten. Just as planned.

 

"Indeed, in spite of all your fears I can reliably conclude that you are, in fact, not a mongoose. I assume the feeling you thought was a mutation coming on was actually just indigestion." Bile smiled at his patient, always happy to be the bearer of good news.

 

"Thank you so much, doctor, you have no idea how much that means to me! Same time next week?"

 

"Of course Gharghath. Just see Nursey the Malpracticesuitable at the front desk and book an appointment. Have a nice day!"

 

][][][

 

Bile sat at his big old desk, leafing through a stack of papers in preparation for his next appointment with Pukus the Inedible, Champion of Nurgle. Pukus was a new patient, apparently suffering from an 'embarrassing condition.'

 

"Patient," hissed Ma'nkkqopxrqak'takzzxxpkq, appearing suddenly at Bile's side.

 

Bile looked up. Pukus bucked the trend typical in the followers of the God of Disease, being cadaverously skinny, with only a mild case of acne and a few nasty looking moles to show for his allegiance.

 

"Ahhh, I can already see the problem Mister the Inedible. Not putrid enough?" Bile asked, not unsympathetically.

 

The patient nodded, looking rather forlorn. Bile could see the plague marine straining desperately to force his gut out into some resemblance of unhealthy corpulence, but it just wasn't working out for the poor boy.

 

"Come lay down on this altar and we'll run a few tests." Bile accompanied the chaotic champion across to the table, tying the restraints and inserting the various tubes with the relish of a man who loves his work.

 

"We'll need to run some blood workups, not to mention testing your pus and snot levels. Ma here," Bile indicated the nearby daemonette with a lazy wave of a mechanical arm, "will be taking a few samples using that astonishingly large syringe she is clutching in her claws."

 

Bile paused for a moment, noticing that the patient seemed particularly nervous. He had just the cure for that.

 

"Let's have a chat, you and I, while we wait. Tell me, friend Pukus, have you ever heard of my sister? No? I think you would have liked her. Her name was Scabrous Bile, and she was a Champion of Nurgle back before most of us even knew about the Chaos Gods. Why, back then..." His voice trailed off cinematically.

 

+++Fin+++

[Nacho Wolf]

Well, after such a huge let down, I mean, realy, a whole story and not a single person turning into a mongoose? Bit dissapointing ;)

I think you owe us something, maybe... ANOTHER ONE!

[Bjorn Firewalker]

Fun, though Fabulous' death should've been better built up, so his end won't seem like such a letdown. Maybe add, "You know what my brother did? He did the most jackass and foolish thing he could, before Abaddon the Despoiler! Fabulous had the nerve to say..." and then, "He should've expected that. I mean, after insulting the Despoiler's judgment in such a manner, what reaction could he expect, other than die by the Despoiler's hands? Well, Drach'nyen's blade- I doubt Abaddon has or had sufficient brain cells to properly control a daemon weapon- but you get the point."

[Corsair]

Well, after such a huge let down, I mean, realy, a whole story and not a single person turning into a mongoose? Bit dissapointing :(

I think you owe us something, maybe... ANOTHER ONE!

 

Thanks Nacho Wolf. I'm fairly busy working on my Black Library submissions at the moment, but I do have a rough plan for more adventures by Bile M.D.

 

 

Fun, though Fabulous' death should've been better built up, so his end won't seem like such a letdown. Maybe add, "You know what my brother did? He did the most jackass and foolish thing he could, before Abaddon the Despoiler! Fabulous had the nerve to say..." and then, "He should've expected that. I mean, after insulting the Despoiler's judgment in such a manner, what reaction could he expect, other than die by the Despoiler's hands? Well, Drach'nyen's blade- I doubt Abaddon has or had sufficient brain cells to properly control a daemon weapon- but you get the point."

 

Thanks for reading, Bjorn, and I appreciate the critique/suggestion. However, the nature of Fabulous' death was intended to be somewhat sudden and kind of uneventful, in keeping with the farcical nature of the story. Bile's character was actually based loosely around a doctor I used to see as a child, who would absentmindedly begin telling a story only to go off on 50 tangents and never actually finish what he was originally saying.

 

I can totally understand why that would rub you the wrong way though. Regardless, thanks for taking the time to reply! :P