Eternal Stalkers

[Ecritter]

The reason why I say you must follow those 2 basic rules is that without them I see it nearly impossible to give C&C on a Chapter made for a universe that only the OP knows anything about. Without those rules you can write anything and use the "its like that in my universe" argument to justify it ... so other then spelling errors, what are we to point out?

 

EDIT:

 

Basically I need some frame of reference to be able to help.

[Ferrata]

To answer your question in the hope that we can get back to the topic at hand. It is understandable that you find it more difficult to give feeback without the framework to work witihn, it is easier to say whether something is wrong if there is something that is right to compare against. But, if someone decides they are going to ignore a certain piece of background (e.g. female marines) then you continue as normal based on their logic. So, in the example, you just C&C based on the idea that there are female marines. A good example would be this:

 

I am going to write a story about earth were men give birth (which we all know to be wrong). What you then have to do is see if the characters, the themes and the story work based on this logic.

 

In short, you don't need to C&C every chapter, so if there is one that doesn't fit the shared universe, you simply go "You know it goes against this bit of fluff right? You do, well, I am going to get my coat." ;)

[Ecritter]

Easy enough, thank you.

[Tolek]

I am re-working this idea, same still applies but I want to clarify the idea of the orange pigment of color in my chapter. As above posts commented on the subject I did not realize that the color of the skin made a difference on a space marine. Salamaders are jet black, and others are extremely white. I wanted to add a unique theme based on this idea and figured this could be the route. I did read up on the process and genetical surgeries that a space marine goes through, but i didn't know the exact gland, organs, and what not. I am not a medical genius or a practioner.

 

I posted what I had in hopes of gaining a more positive understanding of what I have missed so I can correct my chapter. Yes I have read and read, as well as try to understand the universe as it is. This chapter has been in the works for a very long time. I erased and went back to scratch several times and ended up with this idea. As my post said, " A rough draft". I even went through alot of changes in the chapter name itself in the earlier stages of creation.

 

I do appreciate the comments and have taken what positive comments that have been posted and currently re worked some of the chapter background. The one problem I am running into is, I find myself continuing to run on and on about the planet trying to justify the fact that through the algae's unknown chemical makeup has caused the skin discoloration. I took the idea to implement the "gland" responsible for a possible color change but i can find no reference to this at all. For the geneseed, I was thinking of using Vulkan's, and due to his skin mutation in the geneseed would be a better route. What do you all think of that idea for the skin change, I do want to clarify though "They do not glow" its an orange hue to the skin color that makes them appear orange when in light, (ever take a flashlight to your fingers and it appears you have red skin?) kinda what i was thinking here. They do fight at night cause there planet is in sheer darkness 100% of the time. so they developed a visor implant to implace in their helmets so they can go fight on planets with sunlight, but they do not remove their head gear, as the light would hurt their eyes extremely bad. (hence the black eyes on the color scheme)

 

I would like to have the tribal idea as the planet is feral, i did change the recruiting process (still working on it). The 3rd armageddon war was they were there, not they started it. I was describing what the chapter does before they go into battle.

 

The Legion idea is their way of organizing not replacing the codex, they do follow the codex but not to the "T". The Black Templars way of forming their troops is my idea, The initiate with a neophyte (Legionnaire/Initiate, is my idea) due to the fact they favor close combat over ranged combat.

 

Any further positive comments would help me out alot as this is my first attempt at (what i think is a cool chapter) creating a chapter.

 

Thanks

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The initiate with a neophyte (Legionnaire/Initiate, is my idea) due to the fact they favor close combat over ranged combat.

 

Make this part of a facet they absorb from a world they recruit heavily from; it can be a facet of war, religion, business or family life.

[NightrawenII]

[beware, the following is meant to be a little light-heartened commentry on Liber - mostly using my own development as the rule]Most Liberites go through several stages in their development. Firstly, you have the young rebels who want to push the boundaries. These soon find their minds are jumping all over the place and the struggle to complete a chapter (we've all been there). Some will be able to succeed in this "Rebel" stage, such as the Black Widows, but many will find that they start changing. They wish to develop a chapter that fits perfectly into the shared universe. There is a thrill through playing in the rules and achieving highly - it is like reading the book over watching the film. More often than not though, this is accompanied by a Puritan stage where everything is meant to be by the book. Some people might be over-zealous (much like I was when I was in this stage) or might be a little too forceful in their ideas. Fortunately, most people manage to create an IA at this stage as they are quite focussed. Fortunately for new users, Puritans soon mellow out and remember the old days when they used to come up with crazy ideas and now accept a more peaceful world. [/end].

NEVA!! Once fluff-nazi, always fluff-nazi! :lol:

 

Is there something in the water lately? You guys seem all a little to edgy...must be the weather.

 

I'd blame Ace or CJJ or... someone, but most of the regular people I blame for things haven't been around lately.

 

Except CJJ of course. As the resident 'Derailer', he can be aptly blamed for all things not related to the topic at hand.

 

That's a bad CJJ! Where's my bolter?

It's not like this post is derailing this topic right?

:D

 

The one problem I am running into is, I find myself continuing to run on and on about the planet trying to justify the fact that through the algae's unknown chemical makeup has caused the skin discoloration. I took the idea to implement the "gland" responsible for a possible color change but i can find no reference to this at all. For the geneseed, I was thinking of using Vulkan's, and due to his skin mutation in the geneseed would be a better route. What do you all think of that idea for the skin change, I do want to clarify though "They do not glow" its an orange hue to the skin color that makes them appear orange when in light, (ever take a flashlight to your fingers and it appears you have red skin?) kinda what i was thinking here.

Phase 13 - Melanochrome, or Melanochromic Organ. This organ is hemispherical and black. It functions in an indirect and extremely complicated manner. It monitors radiation levels and types bombarding the skin, and if necessary, sets off chemical reactions to darken the skin to protect it from ultraviolet exposure. It also provides limited protection from other forms of radiation. Differing melanochrome organ gene-seed from Chapter to Chapter leads to variations in skin and hair colour, and in some Chapters all of the Marines may have identical coloration, such as is found in the albino warriors of the Death Spectres Chapter.

 

The gene-seed of Vulkan is not requirement. You can explain that as the random mutation. In fact, the Salamanders' black skin is the result of their homeworld radiation.

 

They do fight at night cause there planet is in sheer darkness 100% of the time. so they developed a visor implant to implace in their helmets so they can go fight on planets with sunlight, but they do not remove their head gear, as the light would hurt their eyes extremely bad. (hence the black eyes on the color scheme)

Weeell, the SM's have already implant, which alter their vison and reception of light. *shrug* Technically, they would not need this at all.

 

The Legion idea is their way of organizing not replacing the codex, they do follow the codex but not to the "T". The Black Templars way of forming their troops is my idea, The initiate with a neophyte (Legionnaire/Initiate, is my idea) due to the fact they favor close combat over ranged combat.

The problem is that the "legion" has already meaning in this universe. "Household" or "Brotherhood" might work.

[Tolek]

Still working on it fellas, just a general update that i am currently working on it and its taking some time to get things where i would like them to be.