IA: Thunder Angels

[Chanis Word]

I suppose I should start with, "I'm new here, I've have been visiting as a guest for a while, and I hope this is going to be a fun ride."

 

The Thunder Angels

Origins

Founded in the year 112M41, the Thunder Angels are from the Blood Angel's geneseed stock. The reason for the Chapter creation has never been disclosed, however it is suspected in the higher ranks that it was to root out select few tainted members from an untainted and honorable chapter after an Inquisition attempt was not particularly successful. To reinforce this thought, the Chapter was not given any assignments, it was simply ordered to a general region of the Segmentum Ultima that was far removed from the strongest arms of the Imperium, but still within observing distance.

 

The Chapter is constantly trying to prove itself worthy of recognition, but suffered a tainted set back. 241 years after the chapter landed on their new homeworld, the 6th through 9th companies purged all those in their ranks still loyal to the chapter and Emperor and lead a rebellion heading for the Thunder Angels Fortress-Monastery. Small pockets of resistance were able to slow down the enemies plans long enough for the rest of the chapter to intervene. However, most of the traitors escaped to a dead world. Astropaths tried to get close to the planet, but were prevented from doing so. The Chapter dedicated most of their fleet to keeping the traitors on the dead world, and destroying any who tried to leave.

 

Another setback to their hopes are the Dark Eldar raids on one of the nearby planets. The only benefit from the Dark Eldar raids, are that the few recruits from that world are among the best and strongest in the chapter. The raids have taken numerous tolls on chapter moral and strength. The chapter avoids permanent structures, and the planet's extremely mountainous terrain makes deploying a nightmare. The Dark Eldar also have many more years of experience on the planet, and utilize passes and tunnels unknown to the marines.

 

Perhaps the largest setback is the chapter's supply train. Being so far removed, requisitioned supplies take months to reach their destination. There is a limited planetary militia on the homeworld, but there are no Imperial Guard regiments to help in the defense. It is difficult enough for the marines themselves to get the machines of war they need, an Imperial Guard would take on more of burdening role than a helpful one.

 

Homeworld

Located in Segmentum Ultima near the border of Segmentum Obscurus Hathclyn is referred to as a paradise world and is of a very intellectual and laid back culture. As many of the recruits are from this world, the Chapter Cult is not as strict as many others, and often indulges in friendly competitions and earthly worship. Marines are encouraged to partake in gaming to test their wit, cunning, and physicality against other marines. Many marines spend time amongst the population, creating a bond between the inhabitants and the chapter. It is not unheard of for a marine or two to give lectures and tests to school children about the chapter, or teach physical exercises. The intellectual breed of the populace is the most attracting feature. Many are aspiring expert tacticians.

 

The homeworld shares the same sun as two other inhabited planets which contain the chapters primary enemies, and some of their best recruits. Both classified as feral worlds, the populace of the planets are in constant states of war with each other and the xenos which share the planet. Beruka, the closest planet to the homeworld, contains large jungles bordered by vast deserts. Orks and other greenskins are the primary concern on this world, and are the source of most of the chapter's victories. The recruits from Beruka are the most competitive astartes in the chapter. Vermilion is more of a blight on the chapter, as the Dark Eldar always deal a larger blow to the chapter than the chapter deals to them. However, Vermilion has an elevated psyker rate amongst the population and produces excellent astartes due to the harsh conditions.

 

Combat Doctrine

The most devastating tool at the disposable of the Thunder Angels are their Thunderhawks. Rapid deployments and air bombardments on the enemies are the favored tool of the Thunder Angels. Very little use is made of heavy or slow machinery, and the heaviest vehicle they have are the Whirlwind tanks, which are used in every major deployment. The Orks on Beruka are adept at anti-tank warfare, and tanks leading the charge has become almost a taboo for the marines. Permanent structures are also shied away from, as the enemy can attack anywhere, and many of the defeats by the hands of the Dark Eldar have been because the marines were stationary. The Dark Eldar have also made troop positions on the ground an unfavorable tactic, and orbital strike teams are preferred to prevent chapter casualties in the initial strike. The marines also have a very "all-or-nothing" mindset, and dedicate many squads to a campaign when only a few will do. Scout squads are used primarily as spotters. Shooting an enemy who doesn't know you are there is a dishonorable and "Dark Eldar" thing to do. The battle companies are kept in constant orbit in order to retaliate rapidly and efficiently at a moments notice.

 

Chapter Organization

The Chapter always maintains its battle companies at full strength, however the reserve companies have been cut in half. After the traitor marines in the reserve companies rebelled, every reserve company was completely destroyed. The Chapter Master decreed the reserve companies were to never exceed fifty marines, to remember the loss of their loyal brothers who were slaughtered by tainted hands. Even with the reserve companies cut, the chapter has a difficult time keeping the battle companies at full strength while ensuring the scouts receive full training.

 

Geneseed

The Thunder Angels are descendants of Sanguinius and the Blood Angels. The geneseed was pure at first, but suffered a small series of mutations shortly before the traitor marines rebelled. A reversal attempt failed to restore the stock, and the mutations were not deemed severe enough to discontinue use. The only observed effect is that of those who succumb to the Black Rage, who will sometimes commit suicide due to agony of losing their Primarch.

 

 

Thunder Angel: http://www.anticheatinc.net/forums/imagehosting/146274d33f36d739e2.jpg

 

I have the 4th Company mapped out pretty much, as Captain Chanis Word is the character I wanted to focus on. He is one of the original members of the Thunder Angels and has always been the 4th Company Captain, with the exception of when he was a Blood Angels Tactical Marine (never made the rank of Sergeant. He always felt his promotion was premature, but that has always served as a motivation to prove he deserves his spot as Captain.)

 

As I mentioned at the top, I only recently became aware of the extreme rarity of use of the Blood Angels gene seed, and if that would be considered not quite acceptable I can always move over to the Ultramarines, but I guess it all depends on how it fits with the back story. I don't know if I provided enough specifics or not for a judgment/thought to be given.

 

I am working on creating a shoulder badge for them, but I am not the most graphically talented person. I am also working on an small introductory story set between the Darkening Birth and the Darkened Death. It also probably needs some work :)

[NightrawenII]

Welcome in the Liber, if you don't know, we have the guides here. Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0. Read them.

 

Now...

Founded 112M41 - A randomly picked year. I simply thought it better than choosing a random founding number.

- Why is randomly picked date better, than randomly picked Founding?

 

There are only two Dreadnoughts in the Thunder Angels Chapter, and a total of 16 Tactical Dreadnought Power Armor, three of which have been retired.

- Unnecessary piece of information. What this adds to the character of Chapter?

 

Thunderous Rancor: This is the term used instead of Red Thirst. Thunderous Rancor has been seen to be a milder form of Red Thirst, as the witnessed cases have not been rendered insane. However, the "lack" of Red Thirst is attributed to "they simply didn't survive it."

- You are confusing the Red Thirst with Black Rage. The former is lust for battle and bloodshed, the later is insanity caused by the flaw in BA's gene-seed.

 

The Space Marines are the sole defenders of the sector. There are no Imperial Guard forces.

- Ahem, but no. Why?; because it's logical fallacy.

 

However, an error with the warp travel, which Hathlynius admitted in the fault of on his death bed, crashed the Thunder Angels flagship, the Battle Barge Vermilion Fire on the surface of the planet.

- Navigators, a special breed of humans, are used for navigation in the Warp. So nah.

 

Both Raenus and Ulysses are dreadnoughts from a long dead Chapter descended from the Ultramarines they refer to as "The Brotherhood of the Red Sky" that was destroyed by an unknown Eldar craftworld for unknown reasons around 573M19. Raenus claims to have been the Chapter Master, and was entombed in his dreadnought after he and Ulysses were the only bodies recovered that were deemed, savable. Ulysses never mentions his role in the chapter, but hints he was in a command staff. The two were brought out of storage by the request of the Inquisition and both placed under the direct command of Thunder Angels Chapter Master Boravet.

- Hmm... and?

 

++++

First off, the aim of Index Astartes is present your marines in *readable* manner, tell us *who* the Chapter is and *why* they do things they do. And... You failed on all counts. Really, the side-notes are simply confusing and brain-hurting. After reading all this I still *cannot* say who are the Thunder Angels. If the article told me that at some point, I can't remember, because of the chaotic-mess this article is.

 

Therefore mu advice is; Write this in more streamlined and readable manner and we will talk again.

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Welcome to the Liber.

 

 

My advice is to pare down the walls of text you have here and instead post a simple outline, bullet point the core personality and key characteristics of your chapter first, then start the detail work as it will make everything much easier.

 

Welcome in the Liber, if you don't know, we have the guides here. Guide to DIYing and Octaguide 2.0. Read them.

Therefore mu advice is; Write this in more streamlined and readable manner and we will talk again.

 

You know I've said enough tonight in other threads so I won't bang on, but ease up, seriously. You're not the only person on this forum with a fairly confidant opinion of what their interpretation of the shared universe is. And it is shared, so let the new members learn how to get into it first, before telling them how. You're not the new Octavulg or Apothete.

[Heru]

Thunder Angel: http://www.anticheatinc.net/forums/imagehosting/146274d33f36d739e2.jpg

 

(Above picture did not show up in preview, if it doesn't in the actual post I will work on remaking it in the painter. It got saved on a different computer.)

Quote this post, copy the new link, paste into your original post.

[Blacklight]

Founded 112M41 - A randomly picked year. I simply thought it better than choosing a random founding number.

- Why is randomly picked date better, than randomly picked Founding?

I would agree with this - Foundings are very well established in the lore, and as such it is always better to have a Founding number than a random date. If a date is giving you trouble, just don't mention it. I had the same trouble with my chapter, and simply decided to not say the date and just use the Founding number as the date. Usually if you spend a lot of time trying to get a specific date or number to work, it's not worth the hassle and is better to just estimate/not mention the offending number or date. However, if you do want to use a specific(ish) date, look here. It's a roughly agreed upon estimation of the dates of all the Foundings, based on significant events in the lore that could justify more marines being created. The closest date to the one you posted would be either the 25th or 26th Foundings.

 

There are only two Dreadnoughts in the Thunder Angels Chapter, and a total of 16 Tactical Dreadnought Power Armor, three of which have been retired.

- Unnecessary piece of information. What this adds to the character of Chapter?

Considering most Chapters have more than two dreadnoughts, and their dreadnoughts are marines from their chapter, it is unique. Uniqueness adds character. If everyone on the Liber based their chapters off of the Codex we would have a thousand chapters that looked, behaved, and moved identically with no character other than their heraldry. Though I will agree that specific numbers of terminator suits is unnecessary, unless you want to go into detail on the three that have been retired. Why were they retired? Were they worn by honored brothers in combat that fell during some epic battle? If you want to elaborate on those three specifically, feel free - otherwise, like I said, stating specifics usually causes more trouble than it's worth.

 

The Space Marines are the sole defenders of the sector. There are no Imperial Guard forces.

- Ahem, but no. Why?; because it's logical fallacy.

I agree with this one. Every world basically has at least one regiment of Imperial Guard forces, so for an entire sector to have none is pretty off. Unless the sector is out on the farthest reaches of the galaxy, and the marines are stationed there purely to defend against, say, future Tyranid hive fleets, and there are no other inhabited worlds. But for the most part, there's going to be at least a small number of Guard forces sitting around somewhere.

 

However, an error with the warp travel, which Hathlynius admitted in the fault of on his death bed, crashed the Thunder Angels flagship, the Battle Barge Vermilion Fire on the surface of the planet.

- Navigators, a special breed of humans, are used for navigation in the Warp. So nah.

Where does it say that Navigators are infallible? If the Emperor himself could be deceived by Horus then it isn't too far a stretch to say that a Navigator could lose control of the battle barge and exit warp with not enough time to prevent a collision with the planet.

 

Both Raenus and Ulysses are dreadnoughts from a long dead Chapter descended from the Ultramarines they refer to as "The Brotherhood of the Red Sky" that was destroyed by an unknown Eldar craftworld for unknown reasons around 573M19. Raenus claims to have been the Chapter Master, and was entombed in his dreadnought after he and Ulysses were the only bodies recovered that were deemed, savable. Ulysses never mentions his role in the chapter, but hints he was in a command staff. The two were brought out of storage by the request of the Inquisition and both placed under the direct command of Thunder Angels Chapter Master Boravet.

- Hmm... and?

It's a unique part of the chapter. Two dreadnoughts, with relatively unknown history, attached to the chapter is definitely out of the ordinary and adds flavor. Chapters don't have to be identical to one another and this is a way of making their chapter unique. I would personally like to see more detail on these two - take out the roster, for instance, and do small biographies on the major players of the chapter. For example the chapter master, the two dreadnoughts, and the three marines whose terminator armor was retired.

 

++++

First off, the aim of Index Astartes is present your marines in *readable* manner, tell us *who* the Chapter is and *why* they do things they do. And... You failed on all counts. Really, the side-notes are simply confusing and brain-hurting. After reading all this I still *cannot* say who are the Thunder Angels. If the article told me that at some point, I can't remember, because of the chaotic-mess this article is.

 

Therefore mu advice is; Write this in more streamlined and readable manner and we will talk again.

I gotta agree with the rest - ease off the criticism there, turbo. Comments are fine but railing the poor guy again and again with the bowling ball doesn't help.

[Chanis Word]

Editted from Nightrawen's post as I only saw the newer ones after post.

The year 112M41 was chosen because I wanted my chapter to be relatively young and be able to regurgitate its complete history, and choosing a founding number with an unknown year didn't seem to solidify that aspect enough. I did also want it to be before the 26th Founding, but the idea is still open.

 

Dreadnought info easily removed and saved for story-time.

 

Thank you for the confirmation between the two, I never did directly find a source differentiating them.

 

No IG was an attempt to throw a different plot into the mix, so that isn't one of the ideas I'm particularly attached to. The main reason is because the system is at the end of a supply train, and if the space marines have difficulty getting the vehicles (a number of them optional), than it wouldn't make sense for the IG to have full compliments of their vehicles (required). But I haven't done too much research on the IG manufacturing techniques, so I don't know if they produce their own vehicles or not.

 

I will remove the battle barge colliding with the planet bit because I did decide I didn't like that idea. But thank you for the navigators bit, as I didn't know it before.

 

Edited up top. Still have all the "deleted" info to possibly incorporate later. Hopefully that makes it easier to read and coveys the chapter a bit more. I want to get the basics down before I word it too much.

[Blacklight]

I haven't read what you posted just now but I would suggest you edit the first post and put the new info in the original post. Once your thread gets to multiple pages, it's much easier to get to the new information without going diving through the thread.