Steel Wyverns

[XKhalilX]

So I am deciding to work on the Steel Wyverns. I am finding no inspiration to work on the blood seekers.

 

so a basic rundown of the Steel Wyverns:

 

-founded in M35, founding chapter is Iron Snakes

 

-home planet of Gaulthia Prime in the Gaul Stars, on the very edge of the Eastern Fringe

 

- extreme distase for xenos, and mutants, basically anything that is an abomination (think Red Scorpions go uber facist). Because of this they will not fight alongside any imperial guard that have ogryns, ratlings, etc in their ranks. Extreme distaste for dark eldar who enslaved their people long before the Emperor found them (my ideas were WAY BEFORE the salamanders novels)

 

- very arrogant and consider themselves the epitome of human perfection and thus this carries over into their astartes belief that they are the epitome of astartes perfection. Some have barked that if men of Gaul were around in the Horus Heresy, the Palace of Terra would have never been attacked, nor would have the Emperor "fallen."

 

- their look and culture is akin to the ancient Gauls (Space Wolf beards with the ultramarine/IF regalness and honor). They are

 

- believe that their homeworlds serpents (i.e. "wyverns) are incarnations of the Great Wyrm, their God. The Emperor is the "Wyrm made flesh."

 

- believe Gaulthia Prime is literally Holy ground and no world (perhaps not even Terra) is so sacred. They carry vials of the Gaulthia soil with them, and tradition holds that upon landing on any planet outside Gaulthia Prime, they will shatter the vial on the alien world thus to make it "holy" and baptized as honorable for the great Steel Wyverns to walk upon

 

- experts in battle of attrition. They never leave a fight until its won or they are down to the last man. Are known to go on long wars/crusades. because of this they have built a reputation of hard nosed reliability. Have built a strong bond with the Black Templars and Red Scorpions. usually been sent to expand eastern fringes against xenos or prevent tyranid invasions. When Imperium is on its last hopes in a war, the Steel Wyverns are called for specifically.

 

- Chaplains (called Hospitallers) are a vital part of the chapter. Many times act as captains.

- Emerald Talons are a group of themselves. 30 men all jumpack assault troops (there the vanguard of the chapter). 10 men squad called Brother Elites equipped with lightning claws. another 20 (or 40?) men equipped with CC weapons.

 

 

that is what is the rundown for them. For chapter organization i was thinking of either grouping them in 5 companies of 200 (due to their crusading nature), or 9 or 10 companies of 150 (additional 50 being scouts).

[XKhalilX]

bump.

 

C&C most def. welcome

[Octavulg]

-home planet of Gaulthia Prime in the Gaul Stars, on the very edge of the Eastern Fringe

 

The Gaul Stars?

 

Gaul is one of the more famous Roman provinces. This is more than a little jarring. That, or you really can't spell Ghoul Stars. :wacko:

 

- their look and culture is akin to the ancient Gauls (Space Wolf beards with the ultramarine/IF regalness and honor). They are

 

Then what you most certainly can't do is name their home world Gaul.

 

- experts in battle of attrition. They never leave a fight until its won or they are down to the last man. Are known to go on long wars/crusades. because of this they have built a reputation of hard nosed reliability. Have built a strong bond with the Black Templars and Red Scorpions. usually been sent to expand eastern fringes against xenos or prevent tyranid invasions. When Imperium is on its last hopes in a war, the Steel Wyverns are called for specifically.

 

I can't see them being popular with anyone else, honestly. They're jerks. More to the point, they're arrogant jerks.

 

that is what is the rundown for them. For chapter organization i was thinking of either grouping them in 5 companies of 200 (due to their crusading nature), or 9 or 10 companies of 150 (additional 50 being scouts).

 

I'm not sure it's worth bothering with a divergent organization (though it's a good way to show off how arrogant they are - of course they know better than the Codex.

 

* * *

 

They don't seem uninteresting. You could certainly go a unique way and create a Chapter everyone hates who are completely unlikable, though I could see why that might not appeal entirely.

 

This is pretty sparse on ideas at the moment. Got anything else?

[XKhalilX]

Octavulg, aka Batman :P

 

1. I named the homeworld Gaulthia Prime, and the region of space is known as the Gaul Stars

 

2. yes they are epically arrogant, and epically xenophobic, hence why they seem to get along with the Black Templars and Red Scorpions respectively LOL :o They are very close, I am going to make a couple crusades in which they will show the bond (paint their entire right arm and shoulder pad black and the BTs paint their cross Green and Gold, and then do something with the Red Scorpions).

 

I really liked the idea of them grinding enemies out on crusading close combat tactics. They excell in close combat, and i like the idea of them simply diving right in by literally having scouts pinpoint enemy locations and drop podding assault and tactical and termies and dreds right amongst the midst of the enemy, and have jump packs marines just fly right in. Maybe have a modified thunderhawk to carry squads of 5-10 jump pack marines to literally "drop" them in paratroopers style. (and of course all drop pods are equipped with launchers of gaulthia prime soil vials to "christen" the world).

 

their arrogance serves them well in that despite their less then cordial personalities, there name is respected and feared. I picture guardsmen being in awe over them (not simply as seeing an astartes) but for their sheer ferocity and their cold appearance when helmetless. I mention in the IA linked below that they even refuse to speak Imperial Gothic unless forced to. They speak their own tongue amongst their own and during battles, and its completely alien (how ironic) to outsiders and extremely difficult to decipher (like how linguists still cant figure out where the basque language came from and what it means).

 

They die for their culture and dont bend to anything but what the King says in their culture. Since the Gaulthia Prime world is now an astartes world, the king became the Chapter Master. So the Chapter Master must always be a descendent of the royal bloodlines of Gaulthia Prime. So he is their king as men of Gaulthia Prime, and their Chapter Master as astartes of Gaulthia Prime.

 

the idea that they are that unlikable is something i never thought of until you mentioned it, and to be honest..... I like it! ;) its one thing to be feared and respected, its another thing to be feared and respected...and hated on top of that! ^_^

 

the idea i was thinking with the divergence of the codex was either one of the following or possible combination:

 

1) because the Iron Snakes are their founders, codex was never something that was either taught or focused on

 

2) they were once codex but very early on in their inception they were engaged in a war that if they stuck to codex, they would have been annhilated, and so the Chapter Master and HQ decided to take it back to the "Gaulthian Creed" of war, hence why they organize and fight the way they do.

 

 

Well I do have an already started IA on them from last year:

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=147065

[Octavulg]

1. I named the homeworld Gaulthia Prime, and the region of space is known as the Gaul Stars

 

Doesn't matter. Modelling the culture after Gaul while throwing the word Gaul about is a good way to make people notice you're copying ancient Gaul. They shouldn't notice. If they do, it shouldn't be because you left 'Gaul' on everything.

 

2. yes they are epically arrogant, and epically xenophobic, hence why they seem to get along with the Black Templars and Red Scorpions respectively LOL smile.gif They are very close, I am going to make a couple crusades in which they will show the bond (paint their entire right arm and shoulder pad black and the BTs paint their cross Green and Gold, and then do something with the Red Scorpions).

 

That's not the point - arrogant people don't often get along well with other arrogant people, because there's nothing more annoying to an arrogant person than someone who thinks they're better than the arrogant person.

 

If they all think they're amazing and great, then they might have some serious issues getting along. They might like each other somewhat better than others, but getting along well seems unlikely.

 

They die for their culture and dont bend to anything but what the King says in their culture. Since the Gaulthia Prime world is now an astartes world, the king became the Chapter Master. So the Chapter Master must always be a descendent of the royal bloodlines of Gaulthia Prime. So he is their king as men of Gaulthia Prime, and their Chapter Master as astartes of Gaulthia Prime.

 

Why did the King become Chapter Master? I doubt the training cadre would have seen any need to bow to him.

 

Plus, since Astartes (generally) don't have children, how would the bloodline be perpetuated?

 

the idea that they are that unlikable is something i never thought of until you mentioned it, and to be honest..... I like it! biggrin.gif its one thing to be feared and respected, its another thing to be feared and respected...and hated on top of that! cool.gif

 

Glad you like it. :P

 

1) because the Iron Snakes are their founders, codex was never something that was either taught or focused on

 

2) they were once codex but very early on in their inception they were engaged in a war that if they stuck to codex, they would have been annhilated, and so the Chapter Master and HQ decided to take it back to the "Gaulthian Creed" of war, hence why they organize and fight the way they do.

 

You don't necessarily need that - after all, if they're arrogant enough, they clearly know better.

[XKhalilX]

1. well in terms of Gaul. its not like im calling them Gauls. Gaulthinians more like it.

 

2. I pictured their bond with black templars and red scorpions as friendly rivalry. Black Templars and Red Scorpions in terms of official fluff, seem to be, in my opinion the most xenophobic chapters out there. So i picture a nice rivalry of who kills more aliens over the others. Kind of like the relationship between Gimley and Legolas in LOTR killing orcs. They maybe rough around the edges of one another, but in the end, they are brothers nonetheless, and fiercely competitive. Perhaps the bond was strengthened from a war many millenia ago and the chapters never forgot what the other did for them?

 

3. "Why did the King become Chapter Master? I doubt the training cadre would have seen any need to bow to him.

 

Plus, since Astartes (generally) don't have children, how would the bloodline be perpetuated? "

 

The King in the fluff, united the kingdoms to fight off the Dark Eldar, and so he unified the world and became the King of all Gaulthia. the fluff goes the king passed away in fighting the Dark Eldar in helping the Iron Snakes, and so the Iron Snakes took his living sons to become part of the first initial recruits. This kingship followed over into the chapter beliefs, and they wanted their child king to become the chapter master. Until he was experienced enough as an astartes to assume the role, the training cadre of the Iron Snakes, acted as his regent.

 

as for the bloodline, not all of the royal family became astartes. so obviously they are related to the first king through his original daughters who bore sons, cousins, uncles. as long as one can trace his blood through a direct trace back to the king himself, one can become chapter master.

 

 

in terms of being arrogant, its not that there nasty in their arrogance, its that honor and glory is everything for them, how else could a people so oppressed by Dark Eldar have carried on and not believe they were simply fodder for amusement? Over time the kingdoms built up a strong ethos of honor before retreat, and some were wiped out fighting the dark eldar to the last man standing. A very roman/spartan/battle of thermopale ideology.

 

there arrogance is that they survived for so long until the Imperium found them again (they were originally part of the first wave of settlments but were caught off for thousands of years, so the Imperium didnt find them again until well until 2000-3000 years later, say M35.

 

They still believed the Great Crusade was going on, they never lost faith in the Emperor. So when they were found in M35, there faith in the Emperor was strengthened through a harsh world of serpents and dark eldar. One was majestic and honorable, unyielding and magnanimous (the wyverns, and how they view the Emperor), and the other an abomination, dishonorable, sadistic and destructive (Dark Eldar). Hence their view that the Emperor was with them in their trials as the beast that hunted them became their allies in hunting the dark eldar.

 

when they learned what happen to the Emperor, the Heresy, etc. and the High Lords granted Gaulthia as a world for a new chapter, they vowed to continue "The Greate Crusade" and believe in their hearts that the Crusade never officially ended. So there desire is to wipe xenos from existence and claim their worlds for the Imperium. So as arrogant as they are with themselves, they are fiercely loyal to the Imperium

 

so i hope that clarifies them not being rude arrogant, just very sure of themselves and honor is the only thing that matters.

[Octavulg]

1. well in terms of Gaul. its not like im calling them Gauls. Gaulthinians more like it.

 

They're in the Gaul stars. And, believe it or not, sticking "this" on the end of the name does not disguise it that much.

 

2. I pictured their bond with black templars and red scorpions as friendly rivalry. Black Templars and Red Scorpions in terms of official fluff, seem to be, in my opinion the most xenophobic chapters out there. So i picture a nice rivalry of who kills more aliens over the others. Kind of like the relationship between Gimley and Legolas in LOTR killing orcs. They maybe rough around the edges of one another, but in the end, they are brothers nonetheless, and fiercely competitive. Perhaps the bond was strengthened from a war many millenia ago and the chapters never forgot what the other did for them?

 

Fair enough.

 

The King in the fluff, united the kingdoms to fight off the Dark Eldar, and so he unified the world and became the King of all Gaulthia. the fluff goes the king passed away in fighting the Dark Eldar in helping the Iron Snakes, and so the Iron Snakes took his living sons to become part of the first initial recruits. This kingship followed over into the chapter beliefs, and they wanted their child king to become the chapter master. Until he was experienced enough as an astartes to assume the role, the training cadre of the Iron Snakes, acted as his regent.

 

OK, I'll buy it. I assume the Iron Snakes went home at the end of things?

 

as for the bloodline, not all of the royal family became astartes. so obviously they are related to the first king through his original daughters who bore sons, cousins, uncles. as long as one can trace his blood through a direct trace back to the king himself, one can become chapter master.

 

Odd, but OK.

 

in terms of being arrogant, its not that there nasty in their arrogance, its that honor and glory is everything for them, how else could a people so oppressed by Dark Eldar have carried on and not believe they were simply fodder for amusement? Over time the kingdoms built up a strong ethos of honor before retreat, and some were wiped out fighting the dark eldar to the last man standing. A very roman/spartan/battle of thermopale ideology.

 

Are you not entertained?

 

so i hope that clarifies them not being rude arrogant, just very sure of themselves and honor is the only thing that matters.

 

The trick is that it'll be in the eye of the beholder - they may not be rude maliciously, but it might be interpreted as such.

 

Still. Could be interesting.

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

Congratulations! You are the third chapter on my journey to critique the IAs done yesterday(that phrase is already getting old :cuss )

 

-home planet of Gaulthia Prime in the Gaul Stars, on the very edge of the Eastern Fringe

 

Please, take out the word "Gaul" in all its forms. Sure, you can have influences from Gaul, but please, don't use "Gaul", "Gaulthia", "Gaulthinians", or anything like that.

 

- extreme distase for xenos, and mutants, basically anything that is an abomination (think Red Scorpions go uber facist). Because of this they will not fight alongside any imperial guard that have ogryns, ratlings, etc in their ranks. Extreme distaste for dark eldar who enslaved their people long before the Emperor found them (my ideas were WAY BEFORE the salamanders novels)

 

Actually, I was thinking this was from "Brothers of the Snake". Carry on.

 

Oh, this doesn't affect your chapter in any way, but you're the second chapter in a row that I've critiqued that has the hates Ogryns/Ratlings. Again, this isn't a problem.

 

- very arrogant and consider themselves the epitome of human perfection and thus this carries over into their astartes belief that they are the epitome of astartes perfection. Some have barked that if men of Gaul were around in the Horus Heresy, the Palace of Terra would have never been attacked, nor would have the Emperor "fallen."

 

The "if they were around" thing sounds familiar, but I can't quite place it. Also, if they're so arrogant, how does the chain of command work? Who among them would take orders?

 

- their look and culture is akin to the ancient Gauls (Space Wolf beards with the ultramarine/IF regalness and honor). They are

 

Definitely don't use the word Gaul, now.

 

- believe that their homeworlds serpents (i.e. "wyverns) are incarnations of the Great Wyrm, their God. The Emperor is the "Wyrm made flesh."

 

There was a chapter that was excommunicated and now lives beneath the ocean because they worshiped the Emperor as an animal.

 

- experts in battle of attrition. They never leave a fight until its won or they are down to the last man. Are known to go on long wars/crusades. because of this they have built a reputation of hard nosed reliability. Have built a strong bond with the Black Templars and Red Scorpions. usually been sent to expand eastern fringes against xenos or prevent tyranid invasions. When Imperium is on its last hopes in a war, the Steel Wyverns are called for specifically.

 

Elite forces like marines should never get into wars of attrition. When there are only 1,400 marines in a chapter, you automatically lose.

 

- Chaplains (called Hospitallers) are a vital part of the chapter. Many times act as captains.

 

Why? to both of these.

 

- Emerald Talons are a group of themselves. 30 men all jumpack assault troops (there the vanguard of the chapter). 10 men squad called Brother Elites equipped with lightning claws. another 20 (or 40?) men equipped with CC weapons.

 

Don't state their specific weapons. Space Marines very their weapons based on what is needed. I'm also a bit confused on what they are, exactly.

[XKhalilX]

1. hmmm i dunno im really sold on the name of everything. i cant think of anything else.

 

3. yes Iron Snakes up and left. is that normal for the training cadre to not become part of the new chapter? i would at least some would stay? at least that was my personal assumption.

 

4. well by odd i hope not bad odd. im hoping to get these guys into the Librarium like my Children of Eternity. i just thought the idea that the CM is still tied to the culture and people in such an intense way was good, something intense the way salamanders are with their people, but in a total differently way.

 

5. are you not entertained? i dont follow you lol :)

 

6. true thats why i like the twist u helped throw in there with their arrogant look in life. They mean well enough but their etiquette isnt the best. but people know there as loyal as one can be. i mean the space wolves are savage as anything yet no one questions their loyalty, although sometimes it seems Fenris comes first before Terra. To the gaulthinians, their home world is an extension of Terra. one in the same. metaphorically of course.

[XKhalilX]

octavulg,

 

in case u didnt catch it earlier in my jumbled paragraph:

 

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/index.p...howtopic=147065

 

thats the main IA for them

[XKhalilX]

ignus,

 

yeah im so attached to the Gaulthia thing. any suggestions?

 

yes if i recall they were called Bronze Cobras or something like that, the ones that worshipped the emperor as a snake. well i think perhaps having iron snakes and BT's vouch for you, and your proven loyalty might be saving grace for my guys lol

 

"Elite forces like marines should never get into wars of attrition. When there are only 1,400 marines in a chapter, you automatically lose."

 

i dont see that as a problem. one marine is equal to like an entire squad of guard. The Salamanders seem to have that feeling of warriors of attrition. My fellows are stubborn in their efforts, and long pro-tracted wars with being heavily outnumbered is their forte im hoping to focus on in that sense.

 

(side note: one time playing DOW I, i had my steel wyverns on 1 vs 7 mode. it lasted literally 6-7 hours. I did lose in the end. i was down to one termine squad, half an assalt squad and 1 tactical squad. i finally saved up and made 2-3 squads of termies, and sent them in. total genocide. in the end i lost 1,440 steel wyverns, and killed something like 3000+ enemies. It was a battle of attrition for sure! the music was so epic at the moment i slammed them into death's waiting hands, i remember my eyes watered, and i knew my steel wyverns would always hold a special place in my heart.)

 

Chaplains: I was reading on the Hospitallers of the Crusaders and its how I envisioned chaplains, healers of the heart and soul, and also brutal warriors when needed. I felt it went more with the crusader like chapter I was attempting to make with my wvyerns. The chapter is very disciplined and monkish with their faith and veterans all wear robes. For the Steel Wyverns, faith in the Emperor is what kept them alive for those 3000 years they were lost to the imperium, without it, they would have given in to the whims of the Dark Eldar. Without that faith, without believing the Great Crusade was still continuing on, they would have fallen. It was this faith that kept them rebelling. This reason is why they fight for him the way they do, the belief that the great Crusade never ended according to them, and they are the standard bearers to continue it. they feel no one else could have had such faith and survive for that long, so their arrogance stems from something sacred.

 

so for the SW, Hospitallers are a vital part of the belief of the chapter. They are spiritual leaders, and for being such a faith based chapter, hospitallers act as captains as times, or co-captains. what a better way to lead a zealous chapter then by Chaplains playing a vital role. Look it Grimaldus of the BT, Cassius of the Ultras, Lemartes of the BA Death co. Iktinos of the Soul Drinkers, or even Khalidus of my Children of Eternity. Chaplains can be more then a spiritual man of wisdom and counsel.

 

as for the Emerald Talons, they are the elite of the vanguard, the elite of the elite (arrogance remember :) ). they carry master crafted lightning claws, and thus they emulate the Great Wyrm (i.e. the wyverns). The rest of the vanguard follow the orders of the leader of the Emerald Talons, while the termie squads and sternguard follow the captain of the 1st company.

[Octavulg]

1. hmmm i dunno im really sold on the name of everything. i cant think of anything else.

 

Try real hard. For starters you could dig a little deeper into Gaulish history and pick something obscure.

 

3. yes Iron Snakes up and left. is that normal for the training cadre to not become part of the new chapter? i would at least some would stay? at least that was my personal assumption.

 

Sometime they stay, sometimes they go. The whole thing's mostly fan reasoning anyway.

 

4. well by odd i hope not bad odd. im hoping to get these guys into the Librarium like my Children of Eternity. i just thought the idea that the CM is still tied to the culture and people in such an intense way was good, something intense the way salamanders are with their people, but in a total differently way.

 

No, no. It's fine. Just, well, odd.

 

No worries.

 

5. are you not entertained? i dont follow you lol smile.gif

 

'Gladiator' reference.

 

6. true thats why i like the twist u helped throw in there with their arrogant look in life. They mean well enough but their etiquette isnt the best. but people know there as loyal as one can be. i mean the space wolves are savage as anything yet no one questions their loyalty, although sometimes it seems Fenris comes first before Terra. To the gaulthinians, their home world is an extension of Terra. one in the same. metaphorically of course.

 

Glad to help. :)

[XKhalilX]

so for new names for the planet:

 

Galvidia, Galgotha, Ghazi Prime, Galatia Prime, Thracia, Aegeus, Agan, Agen,

 

im super attached to the how Gaulthia Prime, it has such a nice ring to it, rolls off the tongue nice.

 

there was a capital cities amongst the Gauls called Alesia, Gergovia, Vellaunodunum

 

 

not alot of people have heard about the Gauls. Theyve heard about Romans, Greeks, Trojans, Spartans, Huns, maybe even the Visigoths or Vandals, but Gauls you dont hear much talk on, so i figured Gaulthia Prime wouldnt be giving away really anything.

 

some famous Gaul leaders:

 

Brennus, Cerethius, Acichorius

[Captain Juan Juarez]

so for new names for the planet:

 

Galvidia, Galgotha, Ghazi Prime, Galatia Prime, Thracia, Aegeus, Agan, Agen,

 

im super attached to the how Gaulthia Prime, it has such a nice ring to it, rolls off the tongue nice.

 

there was a capital cities amongst the Gauls called Alesia, Gergovia, Vellaunodunum

 

 

not alot of people have heard about the Gauls. Theyve heard about Romans, Greeks, Trojans, Spartans, Huns, maybe even the Visigoths or Vandals, but Gauls you dont hear much talk on, so i figured Gaulthia Prime wouldnt be giving away really anything.

 

some famous Gaul leaders:

 

Brennus, Cerethius, Acichorius

 

Far be it from me to tell someone with more experience how to write an IA - I will anyway though :) - but surely beating people round the head with the "We are Gaulish" stick is a bad idea?

 

Alesia is less overt and much nicer on the tongue.

[Blacklight]

I'm with Juan - Alesia definitely rolls off the tongue and alludes to Gaul without hitting people over the head with the Gaul whippy-stick. Gallic marines would be cool, but you have to let people come to their own conclusions in regards to their inspiration otherwise you lose the believability.

[Octavulg]

Alesia was the last great battle of the Gaulish Wars, so might not be the best choice.

 

Still better than Gaul or Gaulithis, though.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Alesia was the last great battle of the Gaulish Wars, so might not be the best choice.

 

Still better than Gaul or Gaulithis, though.

 

Aye, but you have to have at least a little knowledge of history to know about Gaul but Alesia takes alot a bit more depth of knowledge in my opinion.

 

Also, it's an obvious - rather than blatant - nod to ancient Gaul, whereas "Gaul" or "Gaulithis" is bashing someone in the face with the This... Is... GAAAAAAAUL! Stick^TM

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

I agree go with the less harmful to one's head Alesia. It sounds cool, too.

[XKhalilX]

octavulg, I believe you've been outmatched. everyone likes Alesia.

 

If you can think of something else that would be a joy as I am at a complete blank for a name other then Alesia (and im not so sold on it, sounds a bit feminine)

 

 

here is other words relating to Gaul:

 

Taranis: God of Thunder, could change it to Taranos

 

CAMULOS : British, War God. Known from inscriptions and coinage bearing the symbol of a boar.

 

CERNUNNOS : Pan-Celtic, Known to all Celtic areas in one form or another. The Horned God; God of Nature; God of the Underworld and the Astral Plane; Great Father; "the Horned One". (this may work with the idea of them believing in the Horned winged Wyverns)

 

 

for special characters:

Chapter Master: Great Wyrm

 

Captain: Wyrm Lord

 

Emerald Talons members: Brother-Elite

 

Vanguard: Brother-Postulant

 

Librarians: Mandred (MANDRED : Cornish, In Cornish legends, Mandred is the true name of God which, when pronounced, draws the All-Power to the one speaking it.)

not sold yet on Mandred but does fit with things. I could just call them Seers.

 

Chaplains: Hospitallers

 

Apothecarys: Acolytes

[Blacklight]

Cerun would be decent, just hack the "nos" off of Cerunnos. Or you could go with Camulos, sounds planet-ish, and so does Taranis. Though for some reason Taranis is making me think of Starcraft...

[Octavulg]

I like Alesia. It's just not that subtle.

 

Taranis'd be pretty neat.

[XKhalilX]

ok im gonna have to think on this planet name and the system name. but that is the last of my worries.

 

making up the fluff of the chapter is more important.

 

have you been able to check the IA on them?

[Octavulg]

Why wouldn't you put the IA in here, out of curiosity?

 

You need to fix the text size in the IA, I know that. I think a more conventional structure would both present the information more effectively and make things much less busy visually. I think having an Appearance section in an IA when we have a Space Marine painter is an odd choice. As others mentioned, the Hospitallers seem a change to little purpose and with little explanation.

 

It doesn't look bad, though I didn't read it that closely. Didn't seem that much different from what you mentioned here, honestly.

[XKhalilX]

Why wouldn't you put the IA in here, out of curiosity?

 

You need to fix the text size in the IA, I know that. I think a more conventional structure would both present the information more effectively and make things much less busy visually. I think having an Appearance section in an IA when we have a Space Marine painter is an odd choice. As others mentioned, the Hospitallers seem a change to little purpose and with little explanation.

 

It doesn't look bad, though I didn't read it that closely. Didn't seem that much different from what you mentioned here, honestly.

 

the IA is from last year. im trying to figure out how to make it liber worthy before re-presenting it.

[Chapter Master Ignis Domus]

As long as there is something, I'm willing to critique it. Rates may very, as well as time I get it done by.