Concept?

[rusty1109]

Hi all,

I am still trying to dream up that magic idea that will make my chapters fluff 'click'!

 

Would love some thoughts on this one:

 

Shortly after beong founded, the chapter intercepted a ship of imperial origin but of unknown (advanced) design bearing their own chapters markings coming out of some kind of cosmic anomaly.

 

Aboard is a token number of marines (all wounded so badly that they die ultimately, too tricky fluffwise to have them hanging around lol) one is a very high rank within the chapter.

 

They say that the chapter master was tempted by chaos during a cmapaign somewhere which led to a war of sorts within the chapter, they are the only survivors of this war (from the good side of course)!.

 

Catch is that the ship was fleeing when somehow (warp, alien intervention, something else?) it ended up going back in time so all this is yet to happen and the chapter master they speak of isn't even a space marine yet (he is referred to by his title only, something along the lines of the richard the lionheart but it will be less of a blatant rip off when i think of it!) the high ranking marine refuses to identify himself and only gives his chapter position!

 

The story is reported and the ship handed over to the relevant authorities and the young chapter continues on it's path, official records are not permitted so the strange tale is kept alive by word of mouth only.

 

A young boy is recruited into the chapter and excels, eventually becoming chapter master. It is only upon choosing his title (a mash up of his first name, his homeworlds name and an aspect of his fighting style / reputation) which of course will be the same as that 'phrophesised' that people begin to think there may be some truth to the old tales.

 

Things come to a head when during a campaign one of the chapters high rankers is turned by chaos and tries to take over the chapter, he lies to and turns many of the older veterans who place more stock in the old tales than the newer recruits, convincing them that the chapter master is the traitor.

 

The chapter master and the portion of the chapter that is still loyal (the mainly inexperienced half) now have to fight the enemy they came to fight originally and the rogue half of the chapter which is of course the most experienced half.

 

Much hard fighting (and more than excellent leadership from the chapter master) later on the ground and in space (the fleet was split as well) and the loyal forces win through the mini heresy, some of the traitor marines escape but are lost to the afore mentioned undecided awesome space thing, sent back in time to kick the whole thing off.

 

The chapter master is left with a decimated chapter, doubly so because hardly any veterans are left.

 

So a long period of recovery is started with the chapter master moulding the chapter in his image effectively, devising radical new doctrines etc etc,

 

This is time is known within the chapter as the second founding,

 

Thoughts?

[Captain Zamiel]

Okay, yes time travel is cliche but I think that this is actually a pretty good idea.

 

The only thing that I see that doesn't quite add up is that the veterans who go back in time are supposed to have turned to chaos but nobody notices this? And if the higher ranking space marine on time travel ship is the one that started all these shenanigans (which he seems to be) then how does he not show any taint of chaos?

 

IMHO I think just make the ship that went back in time inhabited by a few veterans who only followed the Chaos influenced commander because they didn't know any better. More akin to a civil war in the chapter started by a chaos-tinged marine who is just using the marines that take to his side, instead of half the chapter turning completely to chaos.

[The Shiny One]

I would make it more like an oedipus-story. So the chapter is warned that they fall to chaos, and therefor try everything to prevent it, but still end up on the wrong side in the end.

But i guess you dont want them to be chaos worshippers....

[NightrawenII]

The chapter master is left with a decimated chapter, doubly so because hardly any veterans are left.

 

So a long period of recovery is started with the chapter master moulding the chapter in his image effectively, devising radical new doctrines etc etc,

 

This is time is known within the chapter as the second founding,

 

Thoughts?

The idea is good one, but the result is meh. It's practically another We-have-radical-doctrines-because-we-have-been-mauled-once-in-history Chapter.

 

Basically, you are saying that your Chapter Master knows better than Codex Astartes, which is compilation of experiences and thoughts of 1000+ warriors of past.

[Ferrata]

I have to agree with NightrawenII, it is actually a pretty cool storyline that has a really sucky ending (sorry about being harsh). In terms of writing up the chapter, you are going to have to write a lot about the storyline with the time travel etc, but then start about the new chapter. I think it would be better to leave the chapter fixing itself and not have worked out their future. One, this stops you ruining a good story with a poor ending, and besdies the chapter being wiped out bar the veterans that go back in time, I can't actually think of a good ending to the story. Secondly it means you don't need worry about the length of the write up as you can focus on the story.

 

As for the story itself, I would suggest having something akin to the Inner Circle, keep the story secret bar only to those in higher command (maybe even not high command, but a small selection of random marines entrusted with the guarding of this secret). Otherwise, the Chapter Master would know the "bad" name and then pick it - sounds a little wrong. Imagine a grizzled veteran standing by his new Chapter Master as he declares his "I am your Chapter Master, Davius the Thunderwrath" and the veteran clicks and puts his hand on the sword, thinking he could protect his chapter. When another marine erupts the chapter into Chaos, the Veteran believes it his not his duty as this is not the time, it is the wrong person.

[rusty1109]

Thanks for the feedback guys.

 

It needs work tis true, I think theres something that can be used here.

 

It's a given that the above would alter the chapter fundamentally somehow, question is how?

 

What do you think would be a better result Night?

 

A slight change which would make it slightly oedipus (The GF is studying history, gave me the rundown, those greeks had sick minds didn't they!) esque would be for the chapter master to be the one who falls to chaos after all, despite trying all he can to avoid it. Then have the high ranking guy (Ideas for who this guy could be would be ace ppl!) somehow win the day, becoming the current chapter master, changing the chapters destiny?

 

It is definately the lasting effects on the chapter that i need to pin down on this one, so any thoughts ppl?

[Ferrata]

It depends on which storyline you take:

 

If the story is "This is fate, you cannot avoid it" then the chapter is likely to become rather fate obsessed and reckless. Imagine a chapter where every brother believes that is not your day to die then nothing you would do would get you killed. If it was your day, nothing you could do would avoid that. So they walk into traps, they walk into battles, not caring for life. If it is there day, they could sit at home and they would still die.

 

If the story is "You can alter your fate through faith/good will to the Emperor" then you have a chapter that becomes massively religious. They have fought Chaos and won. They have fought fate and won. Only through the purity of the mind can one ensure they are safe. Alternatively, they could believe there is no fate and it was all an evil trick by Chaos. They become the opposite of the previous idea, not faith or beliefs. Chaos is evil and will try to trick you in everyway. They now are big Chaos hunters.