Imperial Reavers

[Captain Juan Juarez]

** Deleted **

[Grey Hunter Ydalir]

Formed primarily to assist in the defenec of the Segmentum, with special direction to reinforce the Imperial Navy if needed.

 

Which Segmentum? Also a Segmentum is MASSIVE. A brand new chapter to help the Imperial Navy do what? More of what the Imperial Navy is designed to do?

 

So if the Imperial navy needs help, does the chapter neglect to help out planetside? What's the protocol? It would be better to assign them to whatever region and then have most of the threats there be space-bourne.

 

The evential purge of the planet causes a psychic shockwave(?), which causes its own altertions; increased feelings of guilt - though this is stretching things maybe.

 

I felt them, through the Force....

 

The latter seems a bit star-wars-ey, but not totally out there. It'd have to be one hell of a shockwave though, since planets are killed with alarming regularity in the Imperium and I don't see too many Imperial forces getting guilt-ridden in the aftermath. At least, not to the point where it is integrated as part of their personality.

 

The crusade leads them to "do all the good they did not do"; in even the most dire circumstances they will fight to preserve Humanity or its people.

 

I like this.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Moved from Post #1:

 

So, having decided a total redraft is in order I am going to begin again!

 

Amongst the many faults of the last Version of the Reavers is the simple fact that every facet is designed to lead to the formation of the Chapter becoming void-warfare specialists.

 

So we are to delve into the depths of my imagination to make them better than before, spurred on by a simple saying that I have ripped from the critique provided for me by Ferrata, paraphrased to the following; "From the moment you became one of us, you became guilty of all the good you did not do."

 

The original phrase was far more succinct than that, but basically in this new version - altered from the bones of the old - I intend to retain the Purge but give more interest to the Aftermath.

 

So, in note form:

 

Origins:

 

Original commander First Captain Du'shaal, former Captain of Salamanders Seventh Company.

Choose the world of Caelum to serve as the Chapters base, the higher levels of genetic purity found there coming as a boon in the early life of the Chapter.

Formed primarily to counteract repeated Xenos incursions threatening the "Triangle of Trade" between Ultima Macharia, Joura and Hydraphur.

During early years worked closely alongside the Imperial Navy as part of their duties.

 

Homeworld:

 

Caelum, forming almost a crossroads situated as it is in the "trade triangle" of Ultima Macharia, Joura and Hydraphur.

Higher levels of genetic testing than initial results suggested.

Birthplace of the Orders.

Is eventually scoured of life during the Purge.

 

The Purge:

 

Genetic changes occur on a cycle; i.e. fifty years with high levels of purity, followed by fifty years of genetic degredation which result in abhuman appearance et al.

These genetic abnormalities are unpredictable when combined with an Astartes physiology.

All this leads to the purge.

 

The Aftermath:

 

The guilt - wherever it comes from - that pervades the Chapter causes it to delcare itsself on a crusade. Whether of penance or just purely out of duty, I don't know.

The crusade leads them to "do all the good they did not do"; in even the most dire circumstances they will fight to preserve Humanity or its people.

True Reserve Companies are abolished, leading to a reorganisation - more on this later.

 

Organisation:

 

Battle Companies and Recruitment Companies - R Companies with fewer Marines but more specialists who possess the sole task of keeping the Chapter alive.

At times the Chapter will be larger than the "Thousand Marines" or slightly larger than normal due to there being three constantly roving Companies designated with finding recruits.

 

 

That's about it for now.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

How do I get to the guilt? That is the question that is bugging me.. The psychic shockwave is going out of the window - far too easy and badly done by GW previously - so that leaves me with a gaping hole to fill.

 

Salamanders are humanitarian, yes, but caring that they killed an abhuman/mutated population? I don't think so, personally.

 

So this is the crux of the matter.. The Origins are simple and will stay fairly small, the Homeworld won't be changing too much though I know I should be able to do better with the orders but quite frankly I'm rubbish, the Purge still needs to happen for there to be any reason for guilt and the Aftermath describes "Since Last Time on IA: Imperial Reavers....".

 

See this should be a simple thing, they are guilty because of....

 

Dammit.

[Heru]

Why do they need to be guilty?

 

Most Chapters who lose their homeworld become fleet based roamers/crusaders automatically... Heck, it happens to several Chapters in IA 9 & 10 (Fire Hawks and Star Phantoms are the first ones that come to mind).

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Why do they need to be guilty?

 

Most Chapters who lose their homeworld become fleet based roamers/crusaders automatically... Heck, it happens to several Chapters in IA 9 & 10 (Fire Hawks and Star Phantoms are the first ones that come to mind).

 

Well the crusading isn't dependant on them being "guilty" but I feel it adds character, rather than just having that "We lost our home, lets wander the stars.." mentality.

 

Chapters undertake Penitent Crusades for their sins, I like the idea that the Reavers sins are far closer to home.

 

Infact I hit upon an interesting idea: Drawing on those humanitarian aspects, have the Chapter spread itself far too thinly protecting other Imperial worlds so that in the end Caelum is invaded by a Xenos-breed which forces the Chapter to purge the world.

 

Seeing their failure to protect their own, guilt!, they go on their own "penitent" crusade.

[Ferrata]

I think you have two major paths -

 

Either they do something really bad that was their fault - they knew they were doing it. They verge on the side of Chaos/evil. The come back from the brink and realise their mistake and repent.

 

Or they are trying to good but it goes wrong. They feel guilty for failing and pledge never to fail again.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Or they are trying to good but it goes wrong. They feel guilty for failing and pledge never to fail again.

 

This.

 

As stated in my previous post, they strive so hard to protect each and every part of the Imperium - never seeing the "bigger picture" - that in the end they alone truly suffer as Caelum is overrun by Xenos Threat #2.

 

Thus their guilt comes from that failure and they pledge never to be found wanting in the defence of the peoples of the Imperium, that being a Reaver means "being guilty of all the good you did not do" and so they crusade.

 

Happily, this means I can do away withy the dodgy genetics angle and make it a historic change to character rather than genetic.

[Ferrata]

I would make it more than just their home world, as many chapters have lost their homeworld and gone on to be quite happy. Maybe their home world, a hive world, a shrine world etc are all desolated by a force they should have been able to stop quiet simply.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Caelum was just the start.. Had they been there in force, the damage could have been restricted to just their own world and even that failure would have been enough to hurt them - Could tie this in to daily life, failure is not tolerated and only in the Orders are things more relaxed? Yeah, I know, I'm reaching at straws with the Orders now.

 

The enemy force desecrates a shrine world, one were the Emperor himself is said to have walked during the days of the Crusade - hell I could even make it one of the Triangle, this would be prior to the Eighth Founding after all.

[Ferrata]

The Orders could simply translate across into different names for things like the Forge, the Apothecary, Scouts/Stealth Units, Assault Marines, Devastators, Tactical Marines etc. (The Smith, The Healther, The Stranger, The Warrior, The Hunter, The Man)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The Orders could simply translate across into different names for things like the Forge, the Apothecary, Scouts/Stealth Units, Assault Marines, Devastators, Tactical Marines etc. (The Smith, The Healther, The Stranger, The Warrior, The Hunter, The Man)

 

I may just let you write the Chapter up.. You suggested the rewrite after all... :rolleyes:

 

It's a good idea - on the world the Orders mean different things such as a place where the normal code of conduct for society is suspended.

 

For the Chapter it is another aid in bonding the Chapter closer together and allowing each Brother to share his skills - perhaps there could be inter-Order " games days" like a mini Olympics?

[Plague Angel]

The crusade leads them to "do all the good they did not do";

 

I think this is your key, right here. Penitent crusades to atone for some unforgivable sin has been done. Make the guilt part of something they didn't do, not something they did. It could even be something left undone that no one expected them to do in the first place, but they hold themselves to a higher standard.

 

"You couldn't be everywhere at once."

"No, but we should have been anyways."

 

R Companies with fewer Marines but more specialists

 

Brainfart on my end. Can you define "specialists" please? You mean just more Assault/Devastators than Tacticals? Or special weapons trainings like flamers and meltas? Or something else?

[Captain Juan Juarez]

The crusade leads them to "do all the good they did not do";

 

I think this is your key, right here. Penitent crusades to atone for some unforgivable sin has been done. Make the guilt part of something they didn't do, not something they did. It could even be something left undone that no one expected them to do in the first place, but they hold themselves to a higher standard.

 

"You couldn't be everywhere at once."

"No, but we should have been anyways."

 

Ah, it's not a true Pentitent Crusade - at least in the eyes of the Imperium - rather the Chapter sees that had it looked to its immediate duty, they could have forstalled the disaster and so they Crusade.

 

R Companies with fewer Marines but more specialists

 

Brainfart on my end. Can you define "specialists" please? You mean just more Assault/Devastators than Tacticals? Or special weapons trainings like flamers and meltas? Or something else?

 

Apothecaries, Chaplains, Librarians et all are all Specialists as I define the term :)

[Ecritter]

I think you have two major paths -

 

Either they do something really bad that was their fault - they knew they were doing it. They verge on the side of Chaos/evil. The come back from the brink and realise their mistake and repent.

 

Or they are trying to good but it goes wrong. They feel guilty for failing and pledge never to fail again.

 

Personal opinion, but I think it'd be best if they tried to do something good ... but it went really bad.

[Balthamal]

Personal opinion, but I think it'd be best if they tried to do something good ... but it went really bad.

 

This idea is gold dust. Would be a rather ironic twist that after searching fruitlessly for a way to atone for the guilt they finally have a way to purge it all in one glorious instant. Only to fail. Miserably. How do they then deal with the guilt being reinforced? I say reinforced but actually it would be something like having barbed nails of acid rammed into your skull by a hammer the size of a truck.

 

Opens up interesting opportunities. Damn I'd be tempted to use this for my own IA now :)

[Captain Juan Juarez]

Personal opinion, but I think it'd be best if they tried to do something good ... but it went really bad.

 

This idea is gold dust. Would be a rather ironic twist that after searching fruitlessly for a way to atone for the guilt they finally have a way to purge it all in one glorious instant. Only to fail. Miserably. How do they then deal with the guilt being reinforced? I say reinforced but actually it would be something like having barbed nails of acid rammed into your skull by a hammer the size of a truck.

 

Opens up interesting opportunities. Damn I'd be tempted to use this for my own IA now :)

 

The initial gold dust idea is what shall be used, as stated above somewhere :lol: I'm just rewriting my notes now, which is much easier when you pretty much start from a fresh slate of ideas.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

So I've worked through the beginnings and too be honest I'm struggling - because of that struggle what I have seems really, really, bad.

 

On another note, I shall have three "extra" sections as this IA is basically event driven; "Breaking Point" details how the Reavers stretch themselves so thing it costs them everything.

 

"The Purge..." is rather obvious.

 

"The Aftermath.." will detail what has happened since, pretty much.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

So, another update.. One that isn't perfect but I'm "happy" to include.

 

I've had the thought to go a different route; the Homeworld will only be mentioned in passing as it isn't a particularly massive part of what the Imperial Reavers turn into.

 

ADDED: "The Sack of Al-Amath"

 

EDIT: Also added "Geneseed" and "Battlecry" sections as these are very simple.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

In the hope that someone else has been reading this - message in a bottle? - there is another update.. Expanded Combat Doctrine and Organisation sections.

[Octavulg]

With overwhelming numbers and a desire to kill the Orks swept down upon Al-Amath and its sister worlds in a deadly torrent of blazing Roks and Hulks; the Planetary Defence Force and Shrinehold Militias dying in droves before the barbarity of the Ork hordes. Desecrating the holy soil of the world by their very presence, the Orks butchered their away across the continents until Shrinehold streets ran red with blood and the sobs and wailing of the dying faded to nothing.

 

Why have we switched to talking about an entirely different planet halfway through? And what's a Shrinehold?

 

Organisation

 

As I said in the other thread - most of this just isn't that interesting.

 

* * *

 

Have you considered outlining what you're trying to do, then hammering that into shape, rather than writing and rewriting vast tracts of IA?

 

What's the goal here? Last I checked, it was pirates. Now you evidently want guilt. What do you want?

[Plague Angel]

As the Seventh Founding approached the plight of the worlds of the eastern Segmentum Pacificus would come to the attention of the High Lords of Terra,

 

How do you approach a plight?

 

I'm just teasing. But more seriously — what plight? You say "the plight of the worlds in the east" as though you have a specific plight in mind, but it's never elaborated on. The Waaagh! doesn't show up until after they're created, so that's not it. Just what is the situation that called for their specific creation? And how did it relate to the Seventh Founding, which was already apparently planned, with a set future date and everything?

 

Also, I'm not going to go to the grammar sentence by sentence again, but be mindful: verb tenses man, verb tenses. Keep them consistent, both within and across sentences. It's a recurring problem, along with passive sentences, that I'm seeing in all your edits. You can leave them for now since you have other things to focus on first, but when you think you have enough written, comb it through afterwards and keep a special eye out for such errors.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

........

[Ecritter]

I hope by "deleted" that you mean you're in the process of updating them.

[The Shiny One]

Me too. Just wanted to read the new version and now its gone...