A Story

[Wulfenstein]

Well I am new here and thought that someone else might enjoy this story I've written about one of my characters. I have more but I will post it in time as I have to transfer it from paper to well, this. Also, if you are a good writer and can give me tips on how to improve my writing style, I would appreciate it. :cuss Either way, I hope you guys enjoy!

 

 

 

 

Sverrir was running through a dark and twisted forest ahead of his pack. It seemed like every tree was bending, twisting and turning around with a dark force, the likes of which he had never seen. A dark mist weaved in and out of the forest and an unbearable stench... The stench he knew to be some sort of foul magic, a blasphemy against the Imperium and the obvious works of the traitor cardinal they were after. He used the extent of the damage to the forest to prepare himself for the battle ahead.

 

Sverrir kept running, what was left of his packmates close by, towards the outskirts of the city. They had missed the drop zone at the center of the city with the rest of the initial assualt force when the planetary guns came online. Sverrir wasn’t sure of how the guns came online but was positive the scouts reported them as deactivated. Plus, it was just another reason to show no mercy to the heretics that followed their false gods to damnation.

 

The forest began to thin out and he could see for the first time the city that the heretic leader walled himself up in. The city walls had giant spikes protruding from them and were adorned with all manner of creatures. Giant beasts, mutants, ogryns, and even humans. The humans appeared to be the loyal citizens and guardsman cast over the walls by their traitor brethren. Those fools he thought.

 

Sverrir let out a long deep howl into the night and was answered by a chorus of howls from the rest of his pack. Just then, something moved and instinctively, Sverrir rolled to his right as a giant beast launched itself from a hole in the ground. As he rolled, he drew his chainblade, then leaped back at the disgusting beast with his chainblade whirring into life. The smell of tainted flesh overloaded his nose as the teeth sunk into the arm of the beast tearing and digging at it until it fell from the rest of the body. The beast howled its displeasure as it picked Sverrir up with its remaining limb and threw him the direction he had just came from.

 

While summersaulting through the air like a rag-doll the distinct sounds of bolters kicked in around him. He smirked, of course his pack would show up just in time to see him flying backwards through the air. Another thing for his pack to laugh about later, he was sure.

 

“Nice of you guys to catch up,” Sverrir yelled to his pack as he recollected himself off the ground.

“How come every time you manage to get ahead and we catch up, we see you fleeing like a pup with his tail between his legs at the first sign of battle” says Kegn.

“Well, I wouldn’t have to do hit and run tactics if you guys could keep up with me” Sverrir said in a jest to his friend as the rest of the pack came into view from the tree line.

 

His sharp eyes could tell that one was missing. The youngest packmate Jorrin was nowhere to be seen. Since they landed he had bolted out into the madness of the forest in search of the fight. Jorrin had a bloodlust in him. One that would be sated by the blood of the traitor leader and his gaurdsmen. Sverrir thought to himself, “hopefully the beast hasn’t taken hold of him.”

 

“So what should we do about the wall?” Kegn said.

“We move along the treeline and look for a more suitable entrance into the city” spoke Voldiir, the leader of their pack.

 

Without missing a beat the pack sprinted along the treeline scanning the wall for any way to breach it. It seemed odd to not see any sort of defense besides the wall and spikes. Every now and then an old abandoned bunker came into view on the rampart but nothing else. The further and further they ran the closer the treeline brought them to the wall until the forest was right against it. Finally the wolves saw their entrance.... A giant tree had fallen over and could be used to run right up to the top of the wall. One by one they ran up it.

 

On top of the wall, a view like no other came into being. Sverrir scanned the city for signs of the traitors but it just seemed desolate. The traitors had removed all signs of the Imperium from this now unholy place. Human skins were strewn over the windows and doors, most likely from those that remained loyal as the traitor Cardinal Invissius took power. The same mist seemed to be working it’s way through the streets. It appeared to be stronger though, shrouding homes and businesses and twisting whatever ruble was in the streets.

 

Sverrir, tired of waiting, said “We better get started if we are going to stop this madness” and leaped off the rampart into the mist...

[Growler67]

BloodClaw? Why else would one be impetuous enough to give away their position while reconning for a breech in the wall to get at their objective Por tactical decision - one that a BlClaw would make until he matered the "wolf within" to better know a more appropriate time and place for such things as howling.

 

As for tips, I would suggest making an outline first. Set yourself some points you want to describe in the order you want them to be in. Setting, character, actions, goals (mission objectives or why they are where they are doing what they are doing). Then taking them individually, describe them to the reader clearly and deliberately. Be descriptive without being overly "simple" - using the same words from sentence to sentence. Use a thesaurus to find optional woeds for the same descriptions without being redundant. By the end, be it a few paragraphs or pages, the Who, What, Where, When and Why must be answered. The How part is where you get to explore your vocabulary in being descriptive. Skill takes time and effort, mastery may take a lifetime.

 

Then fill in where needed between outline points to blend your story for a smooth transition between points.

 

Lastly, proofread and if you don't have someone who will help you with this part, read it aloud. Seriously. You will hear redundant things repeated or catch run-on sentences and other flaws better if you actually hear your words. Go back and edit those things that didn't sound right and fix them until they do. If it sounds like it was written by a five year old with a crayon to you, it'll probaly sound a lot worse to a critical audience.

[Wulfenstein]

Thanks for the feedback. I will do what I can to improve. I didn't think about the thesaurus part but I like it.

 

Also on a side note, the stories I have written already are more or less memories for Sverrir. So some of it may seem a little abrupt but I will see what I can do to fix it a little better.

[Growler67]

"Flashback" sequences and what I call "partials or excerpts" are a bit more challenging since you cannot complete the full description of things. I try to write the whole thing out first and then cut it down while keeping the context intact for what I want to get across. In these cases, context is more important than the content. When you have the freedom to write a whole story, short or otherwise, the opposite will be the general rule - content over context. The reason is because in the process of writing the content, you will develop the context in the process, if done correctly.