The Shadow Falcons

[Ekim_Trub]

Now fleshed out, all opinions and critique welcome.

 

<_< in advance, trub.

[voi shet magir]

Originally led by the pragmatic Commander Rhaego D'Ken, formerly Captain of the Revilers Third Company, a man known for his vast strategic knowledge, superior marksmanship and expertise in air assault tactics.

Even if this were a complete sentence (Lucius was the first master, and he was great), you would still need to remove it. A truck was parked in front of my house this morning, it was red. If that seemed like a non sequitor that gives you no reason to care, you know how I feel about Lucuius D'Ken. I like the name, though.

Cmdr.

I quoted this so that you would notice it.

Although no one type of world is favoured, a higher number of successful recruits have came from Feudal or Feral Worlds.

This is what I am talking about. This is a sentence with no content. We're all "yeah, and?" The beliefs section is also nondescript. They might believe that teddy bears a chaotic, but if that never caused them to massacre a planet by bombing a shopping mall from orbit, don't mention it. You haven't even gotten that far though, you have written what the falcons donlt believe, which is even less interesting. You have written as though you were filling out a form, but trub, there's no credit for good hand writing, and nobody to whom you may turn it in.

[Ekim_Trub]

Thanks for taking the time to reply, however, i was wondering if you could maybe re-post all that in plain (read stupid) english for me as i am no english literature student and your points of view have went straight over my head.

[Ekim_Trub]

Anyone else care to pass their opinion on my attempt so far?

[voi shet magir]

It is like you are filling out a form at the doctor's office. You are answering questions. The only problem with that comparison is that nobody has asked. Nobody asked you for this information, so what you should write about why this is interesting. Like, if you are writing something down, the first piece of information I get is that it is something important to you, you have some reason for going to this effort, when you could be feeding starving children in third world countries, or telling me something else. I'm waiting to find out what is so interesting, and you aren't telling me.

 

Originally led by the pragmatic Commander Rhaego D'Ken, formerly Captain of the Revilers Third Company, a man known for his vast strategic knowledge, superior marksmanship and expertise in air assault tactics.

 

This isn't even a sentence, I'm saying. It does not have a subject or predicate; it supplies only supplemental information. When you start it out "Originally led by," I assume that the subject of the sentence is the Chapter, like "Originally led by Lucius, the Chapter is now led by some other guy." If you had bothered to mention that, I would have assumed there were an interesting story behind that fact. I would have wondered if maybe Lucius were still alive, but his best friend betrayed him and had him thrown in the chapter prison, or that he had abandoned the chapter to pursue a private revenge against the Ork who cut off his arm. I would have kept reading and I would have thought you had written something cool. Instead, I'm wondering why you even give an ish, to say nothing of why anyone else would care.

 

Although no one type of world is favoured, a higher number of successful recruits have came from Feudal or Feral Worlds.

 

Nobody asked! Why does that matter? Really, put that in there.

 

 

Whatever, I basically water plants for a living, I don't know anything about... literature.

[Ekim_Trub]

[color=#52545e

http://www.bolterandchainsword.com/sm/bpe=52545E&bpj=52545E&bp=52545E&bpc=52545E&hdt=52545e&hdm=52545e&hdl=52545e&ey=9D313A&er=52545e&pi=000000&nk=52545E&ch=52545E&eg=000000&sk=000000&abs=52545E&bt=52545E&cod=52545E&ull=52545E&lk=52545E&lll=52545E&lft=52545E&url=52545E&rk=52545E&lrl=52545E&rft=52545E&slt=52545E&sli=000000&srt=52545E&sri=000000&ula=52545E&lel=52545E&lla=52545E&lw=52545E&lh=52545E&ura=52545E&rel=52545E&rla=52545E&rw=52545E&rh=52545E&bg=FFFFFF&rb=000000&gr=000000&wg=true&aq=true&ravenguardpad=FFFFFF&ti=FFFFFF&blt=000000&/spacemarine.jpg

CHAPTER NAME: ..............SHADOW FALCONS. FOUNDING: .................. 5TH. CHAPTER WORLD: ............. NONE, FLEET BASED. CHAPTER OPERATES EXCLUSIVELY WITHIN SEGMENTUM PACIFICUS. FORTRESS MONASTERY: ........ THE UMBRA ADDITUM. GENE-SEED (PREDECESSOR): ... RAVEN GUARD.[THE REVILERS.] KNOWN DESCENDANTS: .........NONE. "From the shadows of space we shall descend upon the Emperor's enemies, striking with both the speed and precision of the legendary Falcon. So, from this day forth, we shall be known as the Shadow Falcons!" Rhaego D'Ken, 1st Commander of the Shadow Falcons

R

aised as part of the Fifth Founding using gene seed taken from the stocks of the Revilers Chapter, the Shadow Falcons were tasked with bolstering the defences of Segmentum Pacificus as well as to aid in quelling any rebellions or uprisings within the Segmentum.

Originally led by Rhaego D Edited November 18, 2011 by trub

[Ekim_Trub]

Not a massive change, but all I'm looking too achieve is a solid and believable back story for my Chapter.

[blackoption]

Overall I like it. Although it does seem as if you are still adding and refining to the Chapter IA. I see a number of similarities between the Shadow Falcons and my Black Eagles. So far, this chapter seems very believable. The only tweaking I'd suggest are minor grammar issues.

[Ekim_Trub]

Thanks bud. I'm slowly getting to be where I want to be with it.

 

As for the grammar issues, I may have to get one of my daughters 5 year old's classmates to go over it for me, as I am hopeless with that subject. Lol.

[Brother Tyler]

The big thing I keyed on is that you've capitalized a bunch of words that really shouldn't be capitalized. That's not a major issue, but my innate anal retentiveness keyed on those things. :D

 

Very little of the true size and strength of the Chapters fleet is known, other than their ships are all equipped for Naval warfare rather than bombardment but it is has been recorded that they possess at least four Strike Cruisers and are rumoured to have access to several Nova class Frigates.

 

...

 

It has also been noted that the Chapters fleet has sacrificed its orbital bombardment batteries in order to increase its ship-to-ship capabilities, this is down to two factors, one being their lack of support from the Imperial Navy and the other being the Chapters attempts to minimise collateral damage to Imperial worlds.

I'm not sure that this is really necessary or wise. The major Space Marine vessels (battle barges and strike cruisers, but especially the former) are already described as frightening prospects in boarding actions. Space Marines are really focused around two things - boarding actions and planetstrikes. While some Chapters may excel at one or the other, or may focus around certain tactical approaches when it comes to surface-based actions (e.g., the Imperial Fists and siege warfare, the White Scars and fast attack), all Chapters should retain some level of flexibility in being able to perform both boarding actions and planetstrikes. Orbital bombardments are an integral part of planetstrikes. Not having support from the Imperial Navy is the natural state of affairs for all Space Marine Chapters, and Chapters aren't always attacking Imperial worlds. Sometimes they have to assault xenos-held worlds, and collateral damage isn't likely to be an issue in those circumstances.

 

Ultimately, I don't see this element that you've incorporated as providing any real value to the Chapter, and I see it as undermining something that is really a core element of the Adeptus Astartes. I think you can probably have a few vessels retro-fitted for boarding actions, but the rest of the fleet should probably retain the standard capabilities.

 

Just a suggestion.

 

It also worth noting that their 1st Company, also known as the Shadow Company...

This immediately made me think of Lethal Weapon. There's nothing wrong with that - I'm just making an observation.

 

The Chapters Scout Company also differs from that of most other Codex Chapters, as it is not comprised of Initiates, but instead of specially trained battle-brothers who have shown a natural talent for stealth. This change has been implemented by the Shadow Falcons because they believe it is absurd to leave the gathering of Intel vital to a mission’s success to novices.

The only gap this leaves is how initiates are trained. If they're not trained as Scouts, then how does the Chapter provide both training and battle-experience to its future battle-brothers?

 

Just curious here - did you use the DIY article templates I've been working on for this article?

[Ekim_Trub]

I will have to go over it all again and correct the grammar issues, but I warn you all now, it may take several attempts as I am hopeless at that type of thing.

 

I see your point on the Fleet issue, and I agree. What i was originally aiming for was to give the Chapter increased ship-to-ship capabilities, to counter their need for, and to highlight both their self isolation as well as their geographical isolation from support. (But I never conveyed that correctly.)

 

I automatically think Lethal Weapon too, but I liked it so it stayed. (Plus i didn't expect someone to pick up on it)

 

Regarding the Scouts, I have always seen it as a flawed idea to have complete Novices responsible for securing the Intel that your whole Armies battle plan will be built around. I always thought that the would have been better suited to fulfilling the support role in a Devastator Squad (out of harms way) or in the thick of the action as part of an Assault Squad (indulging their urges to use their now gene enhanced bodies).

 

As for using the IA guides, I have looked at all of the ones i can find, and must admit that the vast majority goes over my head, so I have tried to use what tips I have understood. I found the Octaguide amazingly helpful.

 

Thanks for looking, and taking the time to comment.

[Ekim_Trub]

Anyone else having anything to add/point out??

I will be looking to expand this further, but I want to make sure the base is solid first. Especially as it will be the basis of said expansion.

[NightrawenII]

Well, just a few things...

 

Adhering to the teachings of their first Commander, the Shadow Falcons always seek to eliminate their enemies before they can make planet fall through boarding actions or at the hands of their fleet’s guns.

- This sentence makes no sense.

 

This change has been implemented by the Shadow Falcons because they believe it is absurd to leave the gathering of Intel vital to a mission’s success to novices.

- Well, the joke is that Scouts are more of guerilla fighters/skirmishers rather than dedicated recon unit.

 

 

Cheers, NightrawenII.

[Ekim_Trub]

I think the sentence makes sense: its stating that the Chapter will board an enemy ship or shoot it to bits rather than fight it occupants on a planet.

 

As for the Scouts being skirmishers/guerilla's, I can see that, but that can't be their only role, can it?

If so, who gathers the Chapter's Intel? Do they go to war blind?

[NightrawenII]

I think the sentence makes sense: its stating that the Chapter will board an enemy ship or shoot it to bits rather than fight it occupants on a planet.

It doesn't make sense, because it's missing the bit about fighting in space/orbit of planet. And according to BFG, this is standard procedure...

 

As for the Scouts being skirmishers/guerilla's, I can see that, but that can't be their only role, can it?

If so, who gathers the Chapter's Intel? Do they go to war blind?

You have big flying cathedral in low orbit. Do you think the bombardment is the only function, this ship is capable of? B) And Techmarines don't just repair stuff... ^_^

Edited November 3, 2011 by NightrawenII

[Ekim_Trub]

I'll try and address the grammar issues today.

 

I see your point for Recon from orbit, however, there would still be a need for an eye on the ground (as there still is today). I was actually contemplating the addition of the Chapter utilising cyber-ravens/falcons to perform battlefield recon, as well as possibly using cyber-mastiffs too.

[Brother Tyler]

I think an important thing to remember is the actual experience of Space Marine Scouts.

 

While they are inexperienced compared to regular battle-brothers and veterans, they are comparable in experience to the most elite of modern day units. Scout Sergeants are highly experienced, many equivalent to veterans of the Chapter, and these experienced leaders provide the guidance that the Scouts need in the performance of their duties. Most Chapters (the Black Templars and Space Wolves, two decidedly "non-Codex" Chapters) don't want their Scouts engaged in the thick of fighting. Keep in mind that the fundamental employment of Space Marines is as shock troops, and this is probably not where you want the least protected members of the Chapter (the Scouts). They prefer to use Scouts as skirmishers (i.e., hit and fade away) and in recce missions. Before 5th edition, Scouts could also be experienced battle-brothers since they had the same basic stat line. It would be nice if there were special rules for those Chapters that might used experienced battle-brothers or even veterans in a Scout role (such as the Space Wolves Scouts), but the current rules force us to either "counts-as" the Space Wolves or use homegrown special rules for this.

 

Here's the excerpt from the Index Astartes article on Scouts:

On the whole, however, Scouts fight as lightly armed skirmishers. Their duties are to infiltrate enemy positions or to fight as skirmishers ahead of the rest of the Chapter. Operating behind enemy lines, Scouts set ambushes for unwary foes, spy out the enemy's movements, and gather information about opponents' plans. Sometimes, Scouts will pounce unseen within an enemy camp and capture a commander for integration [i think they meant "interrogation" :P ] or sabotage equipment and supplies. Striking fast and hard, the Scouts accomplish their mission and vanish before the enemy has the chance to retaliate in force.

Similar verbiage is given in Codex: Space Marines (though this time they spelled "interrrogation" correctly :) ).

 

So yes, Scouts are skirmishers. They are also recce, though.

 

Eyes in orbit aren't as accurate as eyes on the ground, especially when you're fighting in a city or a hive or underground. Servitors, cyberskulls, cyber-ravens, CATs, etc. might get the job done some of the time, but a skilled and intelligent pair of eyes is generally much better. Whether it's a (neophyte) Scout or a more experienced battle-brother is up to you, of course.

 

Let's shift gears on this, though. Assuming you're going to maintain the intent to have others perform the role of Scouts, what rules are you going to use to do this? And what role do you envision your (neophyte) Scouts performing?

[Ekim_Trub]

I hadn't thought of having two types of Scout (veteran and novice), that's something I could maybe think of using.

 

Eyes in orbit aren't as accurate as eyes on the ground, especially when you're fighting in a city or a hive or underground. Servitors, cyberskulls, cyber-ravens, CATs, etc.

might get the job done some of the time, but a skilled and intelligent pair of eyes is generally much better.

 

This is exactly my line of thinking, and the reason why I don't see novice Scouts as especially effective.

 

As for tabletop rules, they really don't matter as I don't play. I'm more a fluff fan, and collector. (although everything I have is unassembled still :) )

Although if I do take to the tabletop I intend to run Codex: Blood Angels, not to be powerful, but to better portray their air assault expertise. It may sound cliche, but winning is no where near as important to me as having a fluffy force.

[Ekim_Trub]

Anybody else got any ideas/critique for me?

 

Not really sure where to take them now, but I am definitely looking to incorporate the use of cyber-animals and squad specialists such as a medic and marksman.

The use of these specialists is because the Chapter's forces are built around tactical squads.