Zynk Kaladin Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 (revision 1.0 is on post #9. Skip the stuff below) I understand putting fluff during the Horus Heresy is treading on thin ice. However, I think my story (the first part at least) is unique enough and doesn't interfere with the HH too much. Thoughts? Opinions and ideas more than welcome. I also need some ideas for the strengths of the 7 Night Angels listed below. I can explain them in more detail later, but really the main characters are Zynk, Zeke, and Thrall. {Part 1: Through Fire and Flames} During the Great Crusade, the Emperor decided a minor force of assassin-commandos would be a necessary addition to Mankind's Crusade against venomous xenos and despite humans who would staunchly refuse to join Mankind in glory. He chose this small, elite group of Astartes from Curze's legion due to their unique ability in terror tactics and weakening enemy moral. He, perhaps ironically, named them "Night Angels", not for the protection they give to mankind, but to the mayhem they give to its enemies. Plucked from the 8th legion and sent to Terra, the Night Angels were given new training with respect to assassinations and sabotage. Afterward, minor genetic enhancements were introduced to prepare them for a line of duty apart from normal Astartes operations. Slowly during training, each of the seven developed unique attributes that would set them apart from each other. Another set of genetic enhancements would compliment and multiply their respective strengths. With regards to their physiology,the Night Angels are only just a little stronger than a generic Astartes; however, they are more refined to their specific role making them more deadly at commando-ops than their line duty battle-brothers. Each of the seven chosen Astartes were allocated different legions and were to follow the orders of it's primarch or whoever the primarch would delegated orders. Their strengths and respective legions are as follows: -Zeke "Bloodwolf" <last name unknown>: Close Combat Expert. Assigned to Space Wolves, World Eaters. Minor assignment with Death Guard. -Zynk Kaladin: Speed. Tactics. Later Developed minor psyker powers. Assigned to Blood Angels and Thousand Sons. Minor assignment with Ultramarines. -Thrall <last name unknown>: Terminator Expert. Weapon Making. Assigned to Iron Hands and Iron Warriors. -Egan Slandaar: Stealth. Sniper. Assigned to Raven Guard, Imperial Fists. -Daern Creed: Poisen-making and Medicine. Assigned to Emperor's Children, Alpha Legion. -Krass Reaver: Hand to Hand Combat. Tactics. Assigned to White Scars, Word Bearers. -Xalth <last name unknown>: Bolter Expert. Imperial Fists. Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus. The underlying reasoning behind why the Emperor created the Night Angels is unknown. However, He privately decreed they would be an integral part in assassinating enemy figureheads, dismantling key supply points outside the main battles, and sometimes joining their adopted legion in battle if ordered to, though rare. Most of the time they were to operate independently of their new legion, separate from the main force and often alone. As such, the Night Angels were not widely known, even in their respective legions. During the Crusade they were just forgotten Astartes. During the Heresy they were ghosts. Being in separate legions, the Night Angels were split during the Crusade and Heresy. However, the siege of Terra was the first opportunity to reunite under its golden skies since their training there many decades previously, but at a cost. The Angels knew their father-legion was pronounced traitor, and as such, they would be executed if they met any loyalists. Still loyal to the Emperor and hoping to contribute to his defense, the Night Angels did what they could as a full commando unit to weaken the siege behind the scenes from cutting off crucial supply routes way behind enemy lines. They also sabotaged enemy equipment and even eliminated enemy leaders where possible. Their actions, grand as they were, were not meant to be noticeable enough draw attention to them in grand scheme of the siege of Terra. Their efforts were met with constant success and had slight effects on the traitors as a whole; minor, unnoticeable, but enough to perhaps tip the balance even slightly in the loyalist's favor. Inspired by their successes, they decided to try something more bold. Their stratagem was to detonate the thermo-fusion reactor in an important heretic supply sector, stalling Horus' siege. Using their strength, wits, luck (and more luck than rolling a 6+), the Night Angels were able to infiltrate into the heart of the massive supply base. Shaking from the bass hum of the reactor, they gazed through tinted windows at the glowing blue behemoth that would tip the balance greatly. However, while preparing the detonation of the reactor, they were betrayed. Slandaar's head burst in a crimson shower as he painted the command console red. Reaver, Creed, and Xalth were traitors who renounced their oaths long ago with the Night Lords. More Night Lords stormed into the control room while Zeke cut down Creed, the traitor unfortunate enough to be the closest to Zeke at the time. Zynk, being a tactical genius, suspected a betrayal and put into motion his complex escape plan. Twice lucky, but ten times battered, the remaining 3 Night Angels managed to escape days later, wounded in mind, body and soul, only to see the palace walls crumbling. They witnessed the traitor legions storm the breech. They saw the indiscriminate slaughter and felt the betrayal keenly. They saw the death of everything they loved and held dear. After the Emperor slew Horus and while the traitor legions escaped, the Night Angels, knowing they would be executed by loyalists but not ready to quit the fight, were able to infiltrate and hide in an Iron Warriors ship as it was peppered with loyalist wrath as it fled mewling to the Eye of Terror. The Angels spent a few decades in the Eye doing what they could to survive, take vengeance, and not to worry. Eventually, they were able to return to the now derelict Iron Warrior ship and with Thrall's guidance and expertise, fix it to below minimum levels. With a failing ship in a hostile environment, they made their desperate attempt to escape the Eye and escape insanity. They blindly cast the ship into the Warp with only a weakened Geller field for protection... {Part 2: Exodus} ...and they burst into real space a few minutes later... {Part 3: Night Angels Reborn} ...they did not come out until the end of the 39th millenia... (wait?! Didn't they come out in part 2?! You'll have to wait till part 2 :D ) (Zynk Kaladin in 41k is the Chapter Master of the Night Angels. If you're wondering, I'll explain why the original 3 Night Angels don't age in part 2 ;) ) EDIT: spacing Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/ Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodWulf Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 This really feels like "My Marines are the best Marines ever!" Somehow they were able to infiltrate the one key base that would have won the war for the Loyalists but previous to this could not regain contact with their handlers on Terra to allow them to come in to the Loyalists and fight fully for Humanity? In the middle of a War where half the legions went traitor and they didnt suspect to be betrayed, except for the one who was the "Tactical Genius" who already had an escape plan which seemed to be to stow away on a traitor vessel? I'm just not feeling it. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2662626 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zynk Kaladin Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 This really feels like "My Marines are the best Marines ever!" Hmm, I actually thought I was avoiding that by having a whole "behind the scenes" fighting. Any thoughts on how I could go about fixing the "My Marines are the best Marines ever!" because I was really trying to avoid that. Somehow they were able to infiltrate the one key base that would have won the war for the Loyalists but previous to this could not regain contact with their handlers on Terra to allow them to come in to the Loyalists and fight fully for Humanity? Well, regaining contact with loyalist forces doesn't mean they can't operate independent of them. I figured because they're not on the "front lines" it'd be easier for them to infiltrate weaker spots in the traitor's defenses. Even more so considering they're trained "commandos". Obviously, it needs work though. EDIT: It wouldn't have outright won the war, but stalled Horus' advance, even for a short period. I have another idea that I'd like to try instead of "infiltrate big base and make boom". I'll type it up later today. In the middle of a War where half the legions went traitor and they didnt suspect to be betrayed, except for the one who was the "Tactical Genius" who already had an escape plan which seemed to be to stow away on a traitor vessel? I'm just not feeling it. *rubs chin* Good point. I didn't really like that part either so I need to rework that. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2662668 Share on other sites More sharing options...
BloodWulf Posted February 17, 2011 Share Posted February 17, 2011 "Hmm, I actually thought I was avoiding that by having a whole "behind the scenes" fighting. Any thoughts on how I could go about fixing the "My Marines are the best Marines ever!" because I was really trying to avoid that." It just felt very "A-Team" (the TV series, becasue I am that old). They had a specialist for every situation, they had more luck than 7 Marines should possibly ever have and somehow managed to survive with out any outside support for quite a while in an extremely hostile environment.....just my opinion but they were just TOO good. "Well, regaining contact with loyalist forces doesn't mean they can't operate independent of them. I figured because they're not on the "front lines" it'd be easier for them to infiltrate weaker spots in the traitor's defenses." I agree, but regaining contact could have seen these 7 getting some kind of additional support that might make some of their other endeavors slightly more plausible. mayhap a well placed artillery barage that allowed the 7 to infiltrate the supply dump, or a supply of demo charges to blow up a key piece of whatever, or a hasty extraction via some kind of small flyer at a life or death moment. Like I said, this was just all my opinion and we all know about those.....;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2662683 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zynk Kaladin Posted February 17, 2011 Author Share Posted February 17, 2011 Like I said, this was just all my opinion and we all know about those.....:P Regardless, a valued opinion in my opinion ;) I'd like this to be as believable and valid as I can make it. I'll try to tone down the super-commando-A-team-ness. I'm playing at the idea of an assassination attempt on a primarch via sniper rifle, which obviously totally fails. Not as "big" but still "big enough" to be kinda cool. Might still be too big... damn. Another plot hole I noticed is where did those extra Night Lords come from? The NLs weren't on Terra! What was I thinking? Doh. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2662700 Share on other sites More sharing options...
NightrawenII Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 During the Great Crusade, the Emperor decided a minor force of assassin-commandos would be a necessary addition to Mankind's Crusade against venomous xenos and despite humans who would staunchly refuse to join Mankind in glory. So Officio Assassinorum was no good then, huh? :tu: It just felt very "A-Team" (the TV series, becasue I am that old). They had a specialist for every situation, they had more luck than 7 Marines should possibly ever have and somehow managed to survive with out any outside support for quite a while in an extremely hostile environment.....just my opinion but they were just TOO good. I was thinking more of The Magnificent Seven. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2663264 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lord Scytha Posted February 18, 2011 Share Posted February 18, 2011 During the Great Crusade, the Emperor decided a minor force of assassin-commandos would be a necessary addition to Mankind's Crusade against venomous xenos and despite humans who would staunchly refuse to join Mankind in glory. So Officio Assassinorum was no good then, huh? -_- Heh, I was thinking the exact same thing. I read the first sentence: During the Great Crusade, the Emperor decided a minor force of assassin-commandos would be a necessary addition to Mankind's Crusade against venomous xenos and despite humans who would staunchly refuse to join Mankind in glory. And unconsciously added: so he created the Officio Assassinorum. ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2663319 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zynk Kaladin Posted February 18, 2011 Author Share Posted February 18, 2011 So Officio Assassinorum was no good then, huh? :lol: Ever wonder if he tried space marines for that role as well? And yes, the Officio Assassinorum sucks eggs compared to the epicness that flows from the Night Angels *joke joke* ;) Obviously I need some more 'splaining to do. I was actually thinking more along the lines of Republic Commando, but with individual operations before the Horus Heresy. During the Heresy is when they finally formed a squad. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2663406 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zynk Kaladin Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 So I finally redid part 1. I hope this is much more detailed, clear, and interesting. I decided to not go into detail about the actual Siege of Terra because its so hard to justify what the Night Angels actually did during it. I'll leave it open for now and perhaps fill it in later. Thanks for the input so far. I think this is a much better draft for part 1 than my previous one. Like always, I'd appreciate your opinions and always welcome ideas for improvement :P {Part 1: Through Fire and Flames (revision 1.0)} During the Great Crusade, the Emperor decided a force of Astartes assassin-commandos would be a necessary addition to Mankind's Crusade against the enemies of man. He thus gave the Officio Assassinorum the right and authority under his name to recruit seven Space Marines for special training and genetic modulation. The chosen were originally to be comprised of Astartes from different Legions. However during that time, Konrad Curze's reunification with his father and formation of the Night Lords offered a quicker and more efficient solution. Surprisingly, Curze willingly allowed and recommended certain marines for reasons unknown. The seven chosen departed from Nostramo with only their Emperor-given name: "The Night Angels". Taken from the 8th legion and sent to Terra, the Night Angels were given new training with respect to assassination, sabotage, and infiltration. Afterward, minor genetic enhancements were introduced to prepare them for a line of duty apart from normal Astartes operations. Each of the seven would slowly developed unique attributes and personalities during training that would set them apart from one another. With regards to their physiology,the Night Angels are no stronger than a generic Astartes; however, they are more refined to their specific role making them more deadly at commando-operations than their line duty battle-brothers. The Officio Assassinorum would station each of the Night Angels to different legions depending on the attributes that complimented them under the command of that respective legion's primarch. Their strengths and respective legions (in order of assignment) are as follows: -Zeke "Bloodwolf" <last name unknown>: Close Combat Expert. Assigned to Space Wolves and World Eaters. -Zynk Kaladin: Speed and reflexes. Later Developed minor psyker powers. Assigned to Blood Angels and Thousand Sons (allowed to return to Blood Angels after Prospero). -Thrall <last name unknown>: Slow and purposeful. Assigned to Iron Hands and Iron Warriors. -Egan Slandaar: Stealth. Sniper. Assigned to Raven Guard -Daern Creed: Poisen-making and Medicine. Assigned to Emperor's Children, Alpha Legion. -Krass Reaver: Hand to Hand Combat. Tactics. Assigned to Ultramarines, Word Bearers. -Xalth <last name unknown>: Bolter Expert. Imperial Fists. Luna Wolves/Sons of Horus. The underlying reasoning behind why the Emperor created the Night Angels is unknown. However, He privately decreed they would be an integral part in assassinating enemy figureheads, dismantling key supply points outside the main battles, and sometimes joining their adopted legion in battle if ordered to. Most of the time they were to operate independently of their new legion, separate from the main force and often alone. As such, the Night Angels were not widely known, except in their own adopted legion. Some even became attached to their adopted legion and impressed their adopted primarchs, who would consider their Night Angel as part of their legion. This honor was bestowed only onto Zeke with the Space Wolves and Zynk with the Blood Angels. Zeke was given the Canis Helix and was accepted in the pack of wolves as one of their own. Sanguinious respected Zynk as his own and gifted him a sword which, many millenia later, would be considered the greatest relic of the Night Angels chapter. Zeke and Zynk were not the only Night Angels who gained merit in their legions. Each engaged in many campaigns and battles earning their own merit, achievements and honors. The Horus Heresy threw the galaxy into a bloody civil war with its apex at Terra. Each of the Night Angels were present during the battle, but their loyalies like the primarchs, were split. The traitors were Daern, Krass, and Xalth who either still had strong ties with their original legion, the Night Lords, or believed Horus was the true leader of mankind. The loyalists were Zynk and Zeke, who had strong ties with the Blood Angels and Space Wolves respectively, and Thrall, who was loyal to the Emperor and his closest friends. Egan was undecided and wary about the brother vs brother conflict, and during his confusion was murdered by Krass. Xalth was later killed by Zeke during the breech of the walls. Krass and Daern were never seen again. After the Emperor defeated Horus and the traitors were routed, Zynk, Thrall, and Zeke knew they would be regarded as enemies because of their ties with the Night Lords. Even with their loyalties still to the Emperor and their bonds of brotherhood with the Space Wolves and Blood Angels, they were still wary about being accused. Therefore, right before the traitor began retreating, the three battle brothers infiltrated an Iron Warriors ship, hiding in the deepest, darkest recesses of the ship. Wearily and broken, they would plan their future and do what they could to survive. edited for grammar errors Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2680058 Share on other sites More sharing options...
CantonWC Posted March 7, 2011 Share Posted March 7, 2011 Disclaimer: I crush hopes and dreams as my stock in trade. Um. I'm not sure what to say. First off, it's not a complete IA yet. And... Well what do you want me to say? You have Traitor gene-seed. You have two unknowns: The Big E makes an elite commando group for reasons unknown, and Curze agrees for reasons unknown. Now that I think about it, the Raven Guard already does some covert ops type stuff, why does Big E need some elite group made of seven guys? You have Zeke and Zynk, who are Mary Sues. And yes, they are Mary Sues. One gets the Canis Helix, which can't just be shared with outsiders, as it is part of what makes an ordinary man into a Space Wolf i.e. it triggers the gene-seed transformation. The other one has minor psyker powers and is so special he gets an awesome power sword relic from Sanguinius himself. And the whole concept of some elite commando group that does super secret stuff in the background smells like making a grab at arbitrary special-ness. So what do you want me to say? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2680294 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zynk Kaladin Posted March 7, 2011 Author Share Posted March 7, 2011 Disclaimer: I crush hopes and dreams as my stock in trade. I noticed a lot of people do on this sub forum, which is why I came here. Um. I'm not sure what to say. First off, it's not a complete IA yet. yep, it's a draft You have Traitor gene-seed. Yea that's a big no no. However, loyalty isn't in the seed. My friend and I like the Night Lords and worked perfectly with "the Night Angels" which honestly was a coincidence when I made up their name oh so long ago back when I had no clue about the legions. It just kinda went from there... You have two unknowns: The Big E makes an elite commando group for reasons unknown, and Curze agrees for reasons unknown. Now that I think about it, the Raven Guard already does some covert ops type stuff, why does Big E need some elite group made of seven guys? You have Zeke and Zynk, who are Mary Sues. And yes, they are Mary Sues. One gets the Canis Helix, which can't just be shared with outsiders, as it is part of what makes an ordinary man into a Space Wolf i.e. it triggers the gene-seed transformation. The other one has minor psyker powers and is so special he gets an awesome power sword relic from Sanguinius himself. You bring up valuable points here and I appreciate it. I'll have to think of a good reason for why the Emperor made the seven. However, my counter argument would be that the Emperor's intentions are rarely explained in cannon as it is and as such I thought I would do the same. Zeke and Zynk have a more in depth story to them other than just being awesome. They have their flaws like bloodlust and snobbiness that were not mentioned because I wanted to present the best in them like the Codex Astartes with the Ultramarines. I agree the Canis Helix and Sanguinius sword are overblown, but I wanted them to get close with their adopted legions in some way that would be significant enough. Also, I wanted to have a meaningful relic for later. Keep in mind the Night Angels were pretty much forgotten during the Horus Heresy so it's not like they were galaxy changing. The gifts were to show that they were valued as brothers among their adopted legion. And the whole concept of some elite commando group that does super secret stuff in the background smells like making a grab at arbitrary special-ness. Or I could make them extra flashy, pow-pow, "hey look!" everyone knows us! That's not my job. I was trying to keep them out of the spotlight for the most part because I realize they're not cannon. Having them in the background is the perfect place for them to actually do anything because obviously I can't touch cannon material without taking a bullet to the head. Perhaps it is a grab at specialness. But I'd rather not have a bland foundation for the start of my chapter. So what do you want me to say? Oh you know, a "good job" or a pat on the back would suffice :) Anyway, ideas for improvement would be useful. You've already made it clear that, putting it lightly, you don't like where I'm going with this. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/222690-the-origin-of-my-origins/#findComment-2680340 Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.