teutonic avengers

[Plaguecaster]

Hey everyone I am fairly to new to bolter and chainsword as well as playing spacemarines so I wanted to make my own DIY chapter they are based on the Teutonic knights who I am obsessed with using the Iron hands geneseed and was wondering what you thought of what I have come up with so far.

 

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Teutonic Avengers

 

 

http://D

 

 

 

 

Battle cry

 

"Never forget, never retreat, only avenge!!!"

 

Symbol and colour scheme

The symbol is a white shield with a black cross on it the colours I am using are skull white, chaos black and chainmail.

 

Founding and geenseed

They are an ancient chapter that was founded during the 3rd founding from their parent chapter the brazen claws to patrol the Segmentum Obscurus. Their geneseed is relatively free of any mutation though like the majority of chapters that have the iron hands geneseed they have an obsession with machines venerating the machine spirits of their ancient wargear making extensive use of bionics though not as much as the iron hands.

 

Beliefs

The Teutonic avengers are a fiercely loyal chapter who rever the Emperor as a god worshiping him and their primarch Ferrus Manus. They believe in the fabled Tomb of the Ironclad where their Primarch is rummoured to lie and they are actively searching for it as well as his warhammer Forgebreaker. They have a great hatred for Chaos marines especially those of the Emperor's Children who they believe must be eliminated in order to avenge their fallen Primarch and currently hunting them down. They have been known to seek any knowledge about Emperor's children even if it is forbidden which has got the inquisition concerned sending inquisitors to investigate, though a few of them have mysteriously disapeared without a trace.

 

Fleet

The Teutonic avengers have no homeworld instead they are a fleet based chapter that have an ancient pre heresy star fortress that they found abandoned and severly damaged adrift in space, they have fully repaired it naming it Ironclad's Vengence and are using it as their fortress monastary.

 

Initiation

Since they are a space bound chapter the Teutonic Avengers recruit from a wide range of worlds mostly feral and feudal holding the iron trials where those wanting to become space marines must be deemed worthy by the paladins and preceptors those that are duel between each other to the death untill there is only a few dozen canadites left, they are then taken to the star fort Ironclad with the other recruits from other worlds where they are screened for any mutation, taint as well as their warrior spirit. They are then implanted with the geneseed and other organs that make a space marine those that survive becoming scouts fighting many battles until they are deemed ready to become a fully fledged space marine, where they must forge their own shield and weopen (sword, axe or spear etc) before joining one of the companies, which when they fall in battle their forged shield and weopen will be restored or replicated if destroyed or damaged and placed in the shrine of the fallen in the heart of the Ironclad where every fallen battle brother of the Teutonic Avengers shield and weopen they forged when they became a space marine is displayed to honour those who died in the Emperor and the Primarchs name.

 

Orgnisation

The Teutonic Avengers have 12 companies 2 of which are scout companies as they need a large ammount of recruits to replace the heavy casualties they suffer in combat

in their chapter's ongoing crusade to elminate the emperors children. In their chapter the chapter master is known as grand master, apothcaries as hospitallars and chaplins as preceptors, they are a unique chapter as they have paladins which are techmarine librarians who maintain the chapter's armoury as well as using their powers to help look for requests for aid or knowledge that involve the emperor's children.They are completly different than other chapters as the 1st or veteren company is lead

by the Grand Master, the 2nd is lead by the High Preceptor, the 3rd by the Grand Hospitallar and the 4th by the Master Paladin, the other companies are commanded by a captain.

 

Combat Doctrine

They are masters of armoured assaults making wide use of land raiders as well as thunderhawks supported by heavy fire power like predators and dreadnoughts. They have no terminator armour suits due to the Gorgon massacre by an emperors's children warband where over half of the first company and Grand Master Konrad were ambushed and slaughtered when their enemies summoned hoards of slannesh daemons, during the early stages of Abaddons 4th black crusade. They fight with a fierce zeal and will never retreat from a battle as a result they have suffered horrendous losses as well as being feared by their enemies as even when their enemy surrenders they don't stop until their is no one left as a result entire sub- sectors that rebelled against the imperium have surrendered rather than fight the Teutonic avengers though they offer no mercy to any traitors. Most non-iron hands succesor chapters regard them as heretics as they have come to blows with them a few times (mainly ultramarines and their succesors) over matters concerning their tactics, beliefs as well as not agreeing with the other chapters views (especially concerning the paladins) though they will fight alongside imperial guard and the mechanicus who they maintain close ties with.

 

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So what do you think please be as honest as possible as I am looking for feedback on how I can improve them and what sounds good and what sounds bad.

 

Thanks for your time cheers

[Ferrata]

They have been known to seek any knowledge about Emperor's children even if it is forbidden which has got the inquisition concerned sending inquisitors to investigate, though a few of them have mysteriously disapeared without a trace.

I don't think the Imperium would ever forbid it to hunt down and kill traitors, it would be like a teacher forbidding a pupil to learn. I think you could easily switch this around to "even if it would be tactically unwise, even abandoning allies in the heat of battle to fulfil their own mission." Also, this cuts out the bit about Inquisitors going missing which is a massive thing that would need to be expanded upon in order to make it feel a proper part of the Chapter.

The Teutonic Avengers have 12 companies 2 of which are scout companies as they need a large ammount of recruits to replace the heavy casualties they suffer in combat

Well, that is two additional companies, where did the second one come from? This could simply written that they have an enlarged scout company. A few questions on their organisation though. What has happened to the clan structure of the Iron Hands? Have the Avengers left it behind them (applied with Chapter Master) or have the altered it in some way? Do they keep together as a Crusading Force or do they cover a greater area? If it is the latter, then how do they recruit? Is it from a central force or are individual Crusades tasked with their own recruitment?

 

I would suggest avoiding terms like "completely unique" and "totally different" as it comes across as a little bit of Mary Sue (attempting to look too good/awesome)

 

Anyway, a good start for a chapter especially for your first attempt. Some of the writing needs tightening up and a little bit more character could be weaved through the article. But welcome to Liber, you've found the best bit of the B&C

[Aegnor]

The Teutonic in the name sticks out a bit. Why, in universe, did your chapter pick that name? You could think about giving them a name that doesn't reference your inspiration so directly, which often makes the background a better read as the reader can pick up on the references in the text itself, which is always fun for them when done well. If they are avenging the massacre at Gorgon, maybe they could be the Avengers of Gorgon, which has a nice double-play given Gorgon was also the nickname of Ferrus Manus.

 

As Ferrata said, for a first draft, let alone a first draft of a first attempt at a DIY, this is a good start.