Null Blades

[Darkchild130]

19.3.11

Update

 

IA: Null Blades

 

 

Chapter Name: Null Blades

Founding: Possibly 10th mid M33

Homeword: Unknown

Gene-seed: Ultramarines (Genesis chapter)

Descendants: None known

Battlecry: None, instead battle brothers live by the motto:

“Munus et Mortis”

Battle Brother displaying Chapter marking

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/darkchild130/Muppet%20boy%20and%20his%20little%20toys/GenericNullBlade001-1.jpg

 

 

“A Quote? What nonsense is this, get out of the way I’ve got a job to do.”

Brother Captain Roke, commander of 2nd Company, Null Blades strike force ‘Talon’ on the eve of the cleansing of Praxes, late 976M41

 

 

Origins

 

 

C

reated from the Geneseed of the Genesis Chaptor, the exact date of the Null Blade’s founding is lost, possibly going back as far as the middle of the 33rd Millennium, if the chapter’s patchy records are to be believed.

Though the records of their founding member’s identities have long since been lost, it is apparent that the Null Blades, originally chapter 466, embraced the independent nature and tactical flexibility from their Eccentric First Master, bending the teachings of the Codex Astartes to new extremes in their quest for tactical superiority.

 

The original chapter master, whose name is omitted from the few records that remain of the time, is quoted by sergeant Acturion as being

“As strange and unorthodox an Ultramarine descendant I could ever imagine.” upon Taking command of the newly formed chapter.

Being mysterious, aloof and utterly paranoid, he skilled chapter 466 in extreme stealth techniques, impressing on them the importance of learning the codex teachings but being prepared to discard them on a whim in order to dumbfound any enemy.

The chapter master went on to train the chapter extensively in unorthodox tactics, some Battle-brothers claiming that he made things up as he went along, formed around his ‘Null blade’ philosophy.

 

This exact nature of this philosophy no longer exists, but it is known that at some point in time the entire chapter took on the name Null Blades, maybe suggesting a point where the chapter’s eccentric behaviour and unpredictable nature met the standards of their original master. The Master was originally an outspoken and charismatic Captain in the Genesis Chapter and some believe that his unorthodox views shed him in a poor light among the Genesis Chapter Hierarchy.

It is believed that his tasking to take command of a new chapter may have been a result of political manoeuvring, a successful effort to get rid of a troublesome force while appearing to be an honourable promotion.

 

Whatever the reasons for appointing such an oddity as commander of the Null Blades, they took the ethos of adaptability so far they made a near fatal mistake shortly after their first successful campaign, nearly damning the whole chapter before it could be properly formed.

Though the nature of this mistake is still shrouded in mystery, it left the chapter with no evidence of its own existence in these times except a dark longsword, its skull laden form being handed from Master to Master as a badge of office.

It is said that the blade belonged to one of the founding members, and was responsible for the death of the first Master himself.

The Null Blades keep this single relic of their past, the blade serving as a symbol of their strength and a reminder of what becomes of those who stray from the proper path.

 

In more modern times the Null Blades fight true to the tenets of their forebears, putting trust in the wisdom of the codex to bring about victory with minimum fuss, though their application of the Codex teachings remains one of flexibility.

 

 

Beliefs

 

The Null Blades share the views of many older chapters in the belief that the Emperor is the greatest man to ever live, and therefore worthy of great respect and admiration as a literal creator figure, with their individual Primarchs close behind. They differ to other chapters however, in that they refuse to acknowledge the existence of sentient warp powers, seeing the patrons of the archenemy as raw power, manipulated into being by the undisciplined egos of men.

This gives them a sombre approach to war fighting, teaching their ranks that the quest for glory always leads to failure and an untimely death.

An informal saying among the Battle Brothers remarks

“Duty is done better alive and unseen, rather than glorious and dead.”

 

The Null Blades differ in their approach to worship also, believing that overt displays of religious admiration are for the weak of spirit, preferring to leave prayer to individual battle brothers to practice as they see fit, leaving more time for training. Chaplains still provide a vital role in the spiritual upkeep of the chapter, keeping an eye on brothers for signs of laxity and educating them in the history of their creators, however displays of fiery rhetoric are nonexistent among the ‘Blades.

Igneus Verdun, Chapter Master of the Null Blades, adressing newly elevated initiates

“Today you join the ranks of the line companies as full battle brothers. Be proud, for you have accomplished what few will ever live to do, but do not let it colour your thoughts, as your duty starts in earnest from this moment.

 

Remember that we are different from other Astartes, not in body or strength of arms but our minds.

Our cousins are trapped by tradition and arrogance, we are not. Every action you take from this day forward will be dedicated to victory and its achievement. Nothing else is of worth, not honor nor glory nor acclaim.

 

Only victory.

 

Learn from these chapters and remember this is not our way.

We look to the codex, interpret its wisdom, and overcome.

 

Most importantly, remember self discipline.

This is what defines us, this allows us to achieve our two tasks in this life, Duty to the Emperor and the Death of his enemies."

 

“Munus et Mortis.”

 

This methodology is practised openly by brothers of the chapter and has caused them to come to blows with other Imperial agencies on several occasions, most notably the chamber militant of the Ecclesiarchy, with one instance only avoiding all out war thanks to the mediating presence of Brother-Chaplian Arbitreus.

 

Off the battlefield the ‘Blades share an easy camaraderie between the ranks, their calm attitude to warfare translating to an air of relaxed professionalism in the fortress, away from prying eyes. Squads openly engage in banter and their sense of humour has been described as “jocular” to those few outside the chapter who have witnessed it.

Believing that duty is above all else, the hierarchy of the Null Blades seem prepared to allow these minor lapses of traditional sensibilities to continue as long as the brothers consistently fight hard and win, and few could say the Null Blades do not fight hard.

 

Unusually for an Astartes chapter used to being flexible in its war making, the Null Blades Abhor Psykers and have no Librarians among their ranks. They also stay away from allied Psykers on the field of battle and upon being confronted by an enemy who is touched by the warp, they will single them out for extermination above all other threats.

First noticed by Epistolary Hastur of the Flaming Scythes, this phenomenon was witnessed when the noble Librarian decided to keep a close eye on the ‘Blades after Captain Roke was openly hostile towards him at the outset of the Praxes campaign.

Upon clearing one of the many towns that satellite Praxes’ capital city of Prakota, A null Blade tactical sergeant suddenly and without explanation dragged a young girl from her father’s arms in a busy public market.

Sensing the threat of an untapped psychic talent, her soul fire burning bright with panic, Hastur made to send warning to the squad when they simultaneously opened fire on the girl and her father, obliterating them in a hail of point blank bolter rounds.

Somehow, it seemed that the squad had detected her psychic potential with no psychics of their own or specialised equipment.

This strange quirk completely contradicts The Null Blades’ normally calm and composed outlook, some that have worked alongside the Null blades whisper that it hints at an ugly underlying bigotry, usually masked by a veneer of professional detachment.

What little records of their early existence remain tell of the Null Blade’s first Chapter Master submitting to summary execution by his own hand shortly after all the Chapter’s librarians disappeared.

Though the details are unknown, it is likely that this is the cause for their hatred towards those touched by the warp.

 

 

Homeworld and Recruitment

 

 

After their founding, the Null Blades were permitted to build a fortress monastery on the hive world of Lastrati, in one of a cluster of troubled systems to the South of the Maelstrom.

Being in such close proximity to the Maelstrom, the Population of Lastrati were heavily militarised, used to regular small raids by the ruinous powers and possessing a formidable PDF.

Being incredibly surveillance aware (some would say paranoid) by nature, The Null Blades built the Fortress far away from any of the planet’s overcrowded hives, choosing to settle in the ash wastes, surrounded by desolate wasteland for hundreds of kilometres on every side.

 

Not caring for ostentation, admiration or obedience from humans, the Null Blades decided to keep their presence a secret, digging their fortress deep into the bedrock of the planet and disguising the entrances. The vast underground base was based around an immense tunnel network with thousands of rat runs, emergency exits, dead ends and pitfalls deliberately placed to confound any potential intruders.

In this way, the fortress needed no large static defences, instead a defence would be a long, drawn out series of ambushes and false fallback positions, luring any would be attackers into a hell of attrition in kilometres of claustrophobic corridors, never knowing what would await them around the next corridor.

 

From this location the Null Blades went about their business of recruitment, opting against the usual ritual trials and combat to select promising aspirants, choosing instead to spy on and screen selected demographic groups within the hives, abducting anyone they deemed to have potential.

This practice went on for a number of years until the chapter records suddenly draw a blank sometime after the Chapter’s first successful campaign, the purging of the Ork stronghold on Calmundus, a sparsely populated settlement on the fringes of the Maelstrom.

 

After this point the records resume some hundred years later, with the name and location of the Null Blade’s home world omitted from any writings thereafter.

Attempting to fill this void of information leaves us with the Lastrati planetary records themselves, one night in particular shedding possible light on the mysterious events that caused the Null Blades to make their location a permanent secret, even from the Imperium itself.

Fragmentary records of the time speak of a night of blood, millions of citizens across every hive on the planet report terrible nightmares, their minds being filled with images of warp terrors and acts of violence to heinous to repeat out loud. Each civilian woke up bleeding from their eyes and ears, seconds before high born citizens in Hive Primus Witnessed a bright glow from the Eastern horizon, something akin to an immense explosion followed by hundreds of tiny lights flying into space.

Whatever happened that night on Lastrati, it removed any trace of the Null Blades presence

in the area and resulted in the officially documented execution of the chapter master by his own hand, though strangely his name is omitted.

 

Even though the current location of the Null Blade’s Homeworld is a closely guarded secret, Imperial planets in the Null Blade’s patrol arcs have much higher statistics of missing young males, strongly suggesting this practice of abduction is still the way the chapter increases its numbers.

Due to intense observation periods and medical screening, a process conducted to decrease wastage, a high level of genetically compatible aspirants are obtained, which would initially seem a very positive side effect of the selection process.

However, the reality of cutting out ritualistic trials of strength and combat leave many potential Marines without the mental fortitude required to complete the neophyte stage, which ironically results in a high attrition rate among recruits and a slower turnaround of fully fledged Astartes.

This unusual recruitment method is unlikely to change as the high number of surviving failures gives the chapter a cadre of well trained humans to seed recruitment worlds with observation teams, creating a self perpetuating cycle of high recruitment/attrition.

The slow recruitment chain of the ‘Blades would damage many a more traditionalist chapter’s numbers, though it seems that their cautious and methodical nature in battle offsets this somewhat as casualties among the fighting companies is comparatively low.

 

Due to being recruited from a variety of different worlds and cultures, null Blade aspirants often have nothing in common apart from the fact that they have been selected for service in the Emperor’s elite.

This means that the often disparate groups form bonds based purely on shared experience, sharing no history to speak of, and become all the more tight units because of it.

The practice of recruiting youths from wildly varying backgrounds gives rise to the almost constant spate of racial and cultural abuse the battle brothers hurl at each other outside of battle, the differences in their characters serving as both ammunition for bonding and healthy competition alike.

Through good natured insults and brutally honest appraisals of each other, the Battle Brothers of the Null Blades form next to no ego, having each shared humility and success in full view of their kin.

This habit of living in the now and paying lip service to cultural tradition is ingrained in the chapter, each Master fully recognising that men fighting to protect their friends fight harder than those who are marched stiffly into battle alongside formal acquaintances.

 

 

Geneseed

 

The Null Blades are from Ultramarines stock and therefore show next to no trace of genetic impurity. The only noticeable mutation would be a slight malfunction of the melanchromatic organ, believed to be a result of the Null Blades spending most of their time with their helmets on, on ship or underground.

This manifests itself as a slightly grey hue to the skin, and is slower to respond to differences in weather than a fully functioning melanchrome.

 

 

Combat Doctrine

 

Being From Ultramarines stock, the Null Blades view the Codex Astartes as the result of the greatest tactical thinkers of their time, and base all their own tactics on it, using it as a solid foundation to base their own plans and strategies.

Fluid command and independent thought at all levels are vital to the Null Blades modus operandi, as many of their operations are carried out with minimal preparation time and adapting to the situation on the ground is key to their success.

The Null Blades’ mentality in battle is to keep moving, reacting to real time intel provided by roving scout squads, relocating forces fast and often to strike at the enemies weak points, keeping them on the back foot.

This forms a typically hard hitting strategy, a combined arms approach that hits hard, again and again before enemy commanders have time to think.

 

At a tactical level, the chapter relies heavily on effective employment of basic weapons, favouring efficiency with the bolter above all else, with many examples of bayonets and chain blades being used to supplement their economical style of close range fire fights.

In regards to power weapons among the officer ranks, veteran sergeants and Captains favour short, thick bladed swords, the shape often more akin to a machete to compliment their simple fighting style.

 

 

Operational security or OPSEC is a very important part of the Null Blade’s overall strategy, as they value deception as a tool to misguide the enemy and do not consider it an act of cowardice as some other chapters might.

 

Generic Null Blade colour scheme, adequate for most terrain types when unable to repaint for specific theatre of ops

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/darkchild130/Muppet%20boy%20and%20his%20little%20toys/NullBladepaintscheme-1.jpg

 

In fact, this concept is so important to the ‘Blades that in the field they will not refer to each other by rank, or show any formal greetings of any kind, lest it mark their commanders out to enemy observers. This trend often confuses allied forces working in concert with the Null Blades and a friendly commander has often found himself addressing a battle brother when wishing to address the company Captain, and vice versa.

Null Blades openly engage with and work alongside other Imperial agencies, though their interactions have been noted as “cold and intense” and they have no qualms about expending other units for their own gains.

 

Their own weapons and equipment reflect the greater nature of the chapter.

Originally painted black at the order of the paranoid and stealth obsessed first chapter master, these days their armour is painted in theatre specific Codex approved camouflage, with no official markings other than squad numbers on shoulders and knees.

 

Battle brothers will routinely wear camouflage paint on their heads and necks under their helmets just in case the helmet must be removed for any reason, though more often than not it remains on throughout a campaign.

The Null Blades Chapter symbol is a Black line painted vertically down the left shoulder and arm, the reason for this is unknown though some say it is kept as a reminder of what they once were.

Purity seals are not used, as they are seen as unnecessary and not tactically sound, instead battle brothers may paint their litanies directly onto their armour, in a suitably mute colour.

 

Weapon and armour modification at an individual level is rife within the chapter, with Battle Brothers customising every aspect of their wargear to suit their tastes, in order to achieve maximum effectiveness in the field.

 

This sketch was found on the remains of a dead PDF Sergeant during the fighting on Verdun.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/darkchild130/Muppet%20boy%20and%20his%20little%20toys/RokeShoot001-1.jpg

 

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Organisation

 

On paper, The Null Blade’s organisation is Codex standard, with the exception of lacking any librarium.

The origins for this are unclear, though official reports of the only campaign in which Librarians were witnessed in use comes from another chapter, their own genetic parents, The Genesis Chapter.

A Dogmatically loyal chapter, the commander of the Genesis Chapter strike force on Clamundus, a Brother Captain Anteros retrieved this report from his liaison sgt regarding the Null Blade’s unusual deployment of Librarians.

He writes.

“It is bizarre, bordering on the heretical. They [Null Blades] deploy them [librarians] as squad sergeants, such is their numbers. Instead of bolstering their own prowess in combat, they project their arcane powers at their battle brothers, augmenting the entire squad, amplifying their weapons and abilities to unnatural levels.”

The unnamed Sergeant was later killed by an Ork Sniper in the final stages of the campaign, unfortunately leaving no evidence of his claims.

 

The Null Blades have never had any psychic presence on the battlefield since.

 

In practice, the nature of the Null Blade’s organisation is one of flexibility, with the order of battle changing regularly to pool resources or focus assets more efficiently via the use of scratch units and ad-hoc formations.

To this end the chapter stresses anticipation at all levels and trains every battle brother regularly, from the newest recruit to the chapter master himself on all weapon systems and all roles within the chapter.

This means units can effectively re-arm and re-deploy in any role at short notice, dependant on the threat.

 

The organic nature of organisation, coupled with fluidity of command and efficient use of scout intelligence means the Null Blades operate as their namesake suggests, as weapons few realise even exist.

 

Notable Actions

 

PURGING OF VERDUN

Late 885M41, 2nd company commander Brother-Captain Bellatus and strike force ‘Nightstalker’ responded to an 18 month old distress call from a freighter en route to the hiveworld of Verdun, unusual as it was transmitted over vox comms opposed to astropathic means.

Upon reaching high orbit, Bellatus discovered a grey, cloudy wasteland wracked by civil war, with the last remnants of Imperial forces about to be routed in Verdun’s primary hive itself.

Pausing only to request reinforcements, Bellatus deployed en masse via drop pod, still in the Olive green livery of the previous campaign directly onto the hive spire in an uncharacteristically reckless move, scattering his forces into an urban nightmare of street fighting.

 

After linking up with loyal forces and establishing contact with the Governor, a Staunchly traditional Imperialist who was genuinely caught unawares with the uprising of a prominent workers union the ‘People’s liberation force’, the Null Blades purged the hive of enemy in a week of unrelenting bloodshed, only pausing to regroup at ground level once they reached the vast arterial roads that connected the hive to its surrounding cities.

The barren ash wastes in between hives had been turned into endless maze of trench works and siege lines, and 2nd company immediately set to the task of clearing a perimeter around the immense, monolithic city.

This took 3 months.

 

When Chapter Master Commodus arrived with all 4 reserve companies at his command he found a depleted 2nd company commanding a ragtag army of loyalist PDF, fighting fiercely to expand the 50km safe zone they had cleared around the hive.

With the Grey armoured reserve companies bolstering the defences Commodus pulled 2nd company, now under command of Sergeant Roke following the death of Bellatus 3 weeks earlier in a suicide bombing, from the line.

Rather than give them rest, 2nd company were immediately tasked to conscript the millions of citizens cowering in the hive to form an army capable of holding the vast distances between hive complexes, recognising that 400 marines could not cover an entire planet.

Within 6 months Commodus’ plan started to bear fruit, with the 56 remaining men of 2nd company each training a regiment of Verdun’s able bodied civilians to take the fight to the enemy.

Within 18 months there were over a million individuals in these self titled “Talon Brigades”, each led by a single member of 2nd company, these single warriors in their battered green armour becoming iconic among the embattled civilian populace.

Over a 3 year period the Reserve companies led by Master Commodus fought a vicious ground taking campaign bolstered by the Talon brigades and Sgt Roke’s company, his handpicked teams fighting a guerrilla war and savaging the enemies command structure and supply lines.

 

The last secessionists were executed on the 4th Anniversary of 2nd company’s initial planetfall, and the planetary Governor offered his own resignation, swearing fealty to Master Commodus.

Commodus obviously refused, but accepted the gift of the title “hero of Verdun” in honour of his chapter’s actions, retained by his successor Master Igneus after his death in 946M41.

Sergeant Roke was promoted to 2nd company Captain in recognition of his efficient command throughout the campaign.

 

An Image of Brother Sergeant Roke, just prior to executing a watchwire

pictographer for breaching OPSEC protocol.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/darkchild130/Muppet%20boy%20and%20his%20little%20toys/RokeFace0012-1.jpg

 

[clearfloat]

 

 

 

 

Battlecry

 

None. The Null Blades live by the motto "Munus et Mortis" Duty and Death, symbolising the most important aspects of their existence, duty to the Emperor and the death of his enemies.

[Darkchild130]

No opinions on this? Good or bad?

 

I'm looking for some non cliched ideas for padding really though my aim is clearly to create a non descript chapter, slightly divergent in their own way but not enough to rock the boat, with an obvious military vibe.

 

I'm going for the out of date 'future soldier' feel of Space Marines rather than the more contemporary 'knights in space' routine.

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

I thought it was good, mysterious but good and well explained I feel. Slighty wall-ish in its setting, it out could do with some BBCode in there.

[Captain Juan Juarez]

BBCode is one of those finishing touches.. Get everything in and tidy before the coding, 'tis best practice.

[Darkchild130]

no idea what bbc coding is, I'm assuming its all the fancy boxes and whatnot?

And its still rough so will be getting additions/editing when i think of more stuff.

 

No comments on the actual content?

 

Not aimed at you Generating random name, thanks for your comment.

 

Darkchild

[Captain Juan Juarez]

no idea what bbc coding is, I'm assuming its all the fancy boxes and whatnot?

And its still rough so will be getting additions/editing when i think of more stuff.

 

No comments on the actual content?

 

Not aimed at you Generating random name, thanks for your comment.

 

Darkchild

 

BBCode 101: Librarium Article

 

Generally, I would have commented on content right now but - no offence meant either - I haven't been in the mood for IA reading or even writing my own for the last week, so my comments are generally on the smaller stuff like the BBCoding thing.

[Darkchild130]

thanks for the link, be sure to check back and comment when your in the mood :)

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

Linky: BBCode101

 

And I'll have another quick skim through it before bed :)

 

Indeed, they took the ethos of adaptability so far they made a near fatal mistake shortly after their first successful campaign, nearly damning the whole chapter before it could be properly formed.

 

Is this same incident as the Librarians/Chapter Master/Bright lights in the sky thing?

 

I'm not sure Astartes are Summarily executed, especially a chapter master, I think they would be more likely to be sent on a death oath or something simialr, or possibly even taken in for "questioning" by the Inquistion.

 

I think I must have skipped it last time but the Combat doctrine is well done, and its slightly reminiscent of the Dornian heresy Alpha legion, or possibly even the official Alpha Legion.

I like the quote/not quote thing :). Any chance of a scheme?

[Darkchild130]

Same incident, though if you recall he executed himself. And the Inquisition never investigated anything because the Sgt who reported the strange practices died before the end of the campaign, via an ork *cough*assassinated*cough* sniper.

So conveniently there was no evidence to back his claim.

 

Ahem..

 

Scheme-wise, they use theatre specific camouflage, so they will look like whatever their environment looks like. Default setting is Olive green with brown tiger stripes, with dull grey squad markings + litanies.

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

Same incident, though if you recall he executed himself. And the Inquisition never investigated anything because the Sgt who reported the strange practices died before the end of the campaign, via an ork *cough*assassinated*cough* sniper.

So conveniently there was no evidence to back his claim.

 

I was thinking "Hmm...Convenient" earlier as I read through, but what about the message/dataslate he gave his captain?

 

Ahem..

 

Scheme-wise, they use theatre specific camouflage, so they will look like whatever their environment looks like. Default setting is Olive green with brown tiger stripes, with dull grey squad markings + litanies.

 

Darkchild

 

Ok, sounds like it would be hard to do on the painter, eh? :)

[Darkchild130]

Without evidence his report is just hearsay, I dont really want to expand on the background any more as it will dispel the mystery, though its fairly obvious what they were up to even if I dont directly say it.

 

And the colour scheme is actually impossible to do on the painter, I'm in the process of Illustrating a Null Blade but I only work in black and white so When I post him you will have to imagine the colours I'm afraid.

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

Without evidence his report is just hearsay, I dont really want to expand on the background any more as it will dispel the mystery, though its fairly obvious what they were up to even if I dont directly say it.

 

I know what you mean, its good though

 

And the colour scheme is actually impossible to do on the painter, I'm in the process of Illustrating a Null Blade but I only work in black and white so When I post him you will have to imagine the colours I'm afraid.

 

Good luck!

[Darkchild130]

So one person has an opinion on this.

great.

 

I will be adding more this weekend, as well as some basic drawings to hopefully convey the 'feel' of the chapter.

 

Maybe this will prompt some responses.

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

I think if nobody says anything it's either good, or made of fail. But thankfully this is one of the formers, for me at least.

[Darkchild130]

Well thats the frustrating bit, if nobody comments then I dont know! I see loads of other IA rough drafts get critiqued (often quite harshly) and so far I have one opinion.

Dont get me wrong I appreciate your opinion random name but actually some criticism would be useful from someone (as long as it has a sound base).

 

Oh well.

 

Darkchild

[Direach]

Be careful what you wish for. :) I will read it over when I get home, at work I really only have time to peek in now and then and knock out short posts. I do like Null Blades as a name; any thoughts on colour scheme, Chapter badge, etc? A pair of crossed black swords backlit in blue fire comes to mind.

[Darkchild130]

read the thread first, this will answer questions like that.

 

Darkchild

[Aegnor]

This is certainly a pretty well written first draft and has a lot of very good points. The "near obliteration straight after founding" is done a lot, but whereas that normally serves as a way to explain why they diverged from the Codex, you didn't do that and it ties up with the mystery re their librarians, so I don't mind that.

 

The descendent of Raptors, flexible, adaptable thing seems to be getting a particularly heavy run at the moment - I reckon there are half a dozen versions of Raptor descendants being drafted and posted in the Liber at the moment. They're easily the most popular non-First Founding chapter as parent chapters. Abyss Hunters started off as the same thing before I decided I thought it was an explanation/lineage being overused and swapped it. So while I like your explanation of your guys, it does feel a bit at the moment like I've read several close variations on the same theme. Having said that, there are parts of yours that are unique and cool - I love the description of their homebase and their lack of religious practice.

 

My take on why the Raptors are so popular is that they're a representation in 40K of what makes sense to us today in terms of an elite military force and hence fit with the "future soldier" theme you describe and which lots of us like more than the "knights in spaaaaace" idea. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but also think it's possible to have chapters who arrive at similar conclusions without being Raptor spawn.

 

I think your Chapter Master's speech to the recruits is a bit too long and contains some padding. The bit I didn't like in it however was him putting down the other chapters as childish or insecure. It's jarring when you read it as it comes across as you the author putting down other chapters just to make your guys look more super-duper. And it's undermined within the text when he admits in the next para that those chapters have better results than the Null Blades anyway.

 

I think you might need to explain a bit more how the secret base idea works. How does the Imperium contact them? Where does the Ad Mech send their new gear? And how do they pick up their geneseed tithe?

 

There are some pretty big issues in terms of them currently sounding almost renegade - nearly having a war with some SoBs over perceived disrespect to the Emperor, assassinating marines from other loyalist chapters, concealing their location etc from the authorities that they are meant to owe their loyalty to. If that's your intent, that's cool, but you might want to think about either what the consequences of this apparent loose cannon status is and include that, or else think about why it hasn't caused them grief yet - have they provided convincing proof of their loyalty another way, or cultivated patrons who protect then deliberately, etc etc

[Darkchild130]

This is certainly a pretty well written first draft and has a lot of very good points. The "near obliteration straight after founding" is done a lot, but whereas that normally serves as a way to explain why they diverged from the Codex, you didn't do that and it ties up with the mystery re their librarians, so I don't mind that.

 

they weren't nearly obliterated, they made a mistake but recovered quickly and covered their tracks while they re-established themselves.

 

The descendent of Raptors, flexible, adaptable thing seems to be getting a particularly heavy run at the moment - I reckon there are half a dozen versions of Raptor descendants being drafted and posted in the Liber at the moment. They're easily the most popular non-First Founding chapter as parent chapters. Abyss Hunters started off as the same thing before I decided I thought it was an explanation/lineage being overused and swapped it. So while I like your explanation of your guys, it does feel a bit at the moment like I've read several close variations on the same theme. Having said that, there are parts of yours that are unique and cool - I love the description of their homebase and their lack of religious practice.

 

I picked Raptors because i'm in the army so it fits my personality, and i feel its a bit more believable than an ultra successor suddenly deciding to twist the codex and wear camo etc.

I openly admit I'm not original.

 

My take on why the Raptors are so popular is that they're a representation in 40K of what makes sense to us today in terms of an elite military force and hence fit with the "future soldier" theme you describe and which lots of us like more than the "knights in spaaaaace" idea. I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but also think it's possible to have chapters who arrive at similar conclusions without being Raptor spawn.

 

I think your Chapter Master's speech to the recruits is a bit too long and contains some padding. The bit I didn't like in it however was him putting down the other chapters as childish or insecure. It's jarring when you read it as it comes across as you the author putting down other chapters just to make your guys look more super-duper. And it's undermined within the text when he admits in the next para that those chapters have better results than the Null Blades anyway.

 

I appreciate what you are saying but it was all deliberate. each chapter naturally does think it's the best, however mine realise they are outstripped in battle honours by more prestigious chapters. It fits my whole duty over glory theme. if you think it is too long tell what I should cut out and I will try to make it snappier.

 

I think you might need to explain a bit more how the secret base idea works. How does the Imperium contact them? their base is secret, their patrol arcs are not. Where does the Ad Mech send their new gear? pre-arranged meeting point, or collection from source. And how do they pick up their geneseed tithe? same.

 

There are some pretty big issues in terms of them currently sounding almost renegade - nearly having a war with some SoBs over perceived disrespect to the Emperor, they backed down and yielded to keep the ecclesiarchy happy assassinating marines from other loyalist chapters,nobody knows this except us concealing their location etc from the authorities that they are meant to owe their loyalty to.blatantly copied the raptors If that's your intent, that's cool, but you might want to think about either what the consequences of this apparent loose cannon status is and include that, or else think about why it hasn't caused them grief yet - have they provided convincing proof of their loyalty another way, or cultivated patrons who protect then deliberately, etc etc

 

They prove their loyalty by consistantly fighting for the Emperor's cause like any other chapter, the slightly shady side is unknown to anyone outside the chapter, thats the whole point of it being a shady side. I dont see them coming to blows with the larger authorities because any wrongdoing was way back in M33 and now days they are just a slightly quirky chapter that happens to keep their location a secret. they dont actually get up to anything naughty anymore, they learnt from their early mistake.

 

thanks for the critique, I will endevour to tighten things up a bit over the weekend and add some more content.

 

Darkchild

[Darkchild130]

Have reduced Chapter Master's speech, expanded Homeworld and Recruitment and expanded combat docrtine.

 

Will update throughout the day.

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

Ah, it appears you have the BBCode problem, i would advise putting it ina word doc with all the BBcode and then copying the whole thing for an edit.

[Darkchild130]

sorted the coding, went mental for some reason. Added first part of "notable actions" section and first picture.

 

Darkchild

[Darkchild130]

Added another picture, still having some coding issues,cant be bothered to fix right now.

 

Please read and comment!

 

EDIT: Here's a hastily inked version of my first sketch. I know they are poor but it helps me visualise loadouts and so on.

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v333/darkchild130/Muppet%20boy%20and%20his%20little%20toys/Rokeblack.jpg

 

Darkchild

[Generating Random Name...]

I think the "Clearfloat" code will be your friend for the issues.

[NightrawenII]

I think if nobody says anything it's either good, or made of fail. But thankfully this is one of the formers, for me at least.

Or third option, there is nothing to comment, because the Chapter lacks any character.

 

No offence, but the IA based around combat tactic doesn't work, because the Chapter is simply boring. This is the example of such case, add here that your Chapter is like copy-paste of Raptors (there is also similarity with Trub's Shadow Falcons) and we are at home.

To be honest, it will be a lot better if you actually told your reader WHY is your Chapter the way it is and WHY are your Marines doing things the way they are doing them. Explanation is the foundation of Index Astartes.

 

Btw, Lastrati is/was World purged by Black Templars in 543.M36.