Argent Scorpions

[Brother Augustine]

*Update* I decided to adjust the first paragraph and cut out the Tarot reading. Any other tips and suggestions?

[NightrawenII]

Hello again, I'm glad to see your continuous effort on this Chapter, but...;)

 

Organisation

The bulk of the company is made up of the Tactical squad, with the remaining squads being divided between Devastators and Assault Marines based on the preferences and specialties of the Individual Battle Brothers and their Captains.

- Where do you have Scouts?

 

Beliefs

Being somewhat disconnected from their Primarch and even their Parent Chapter...

- Explanation is needed.

 

The Rise of Zahul

- Kantor Ra is too similar to Pedro Kantor, the Chapter Master of Crimson Fists

- Challenging a Daemon Prince to one-by-one duel is suicide...

- I can't see how the Librarian from Chapter with preference for shooting is going to engage a Daemon Prince in cc.

 

While the Apothecaries worked to save Kantor from his wounds it seemed that the conflict was not quite over. One of the dreaded Culexes Assassins was dispatched to slay the injured Librarian. Though his brothers managed to stop the assassin and kill him they decided to immediately leave Taurelius. Since that day the brothers of the Chapter have harbored a deep hatred for the Officio Assassinorum and refuse to work alongside any of the temples.

- Ad hoc and unnecessary bit.

[Brother Augustine]

I thought I mentioned in the article that the Scouts are in each company, but it might have just been implied. I'll try to make that more clear.

I'll add in an explanation on the whole disconnected thing.

Names can always be changed. Kantor Ra just seemed to flow fairly well. But you make a valid point.

As far as the duel with the Daemon Price went, I do understand that a Daemon Prince is going to have the edge in this, but a newly ascended Daemon Prince would have a tenuous connection to the material realm at best making him vulnerable for a short while to attacks he wouldn't normally be. Or at least that was how I understood it. But that is easy enough to polish. And while the Chapter might favor Ranged as a whole individuals might have their own preferences. But I will put a little more work into that section.

Thank you for your advice.

 

*Edit* I have adjusted the beliefs section, and double checked that the Scouts are mentioned, and I'll update "The Rise of Zahul" at a later time after I get some sleep.

[Brother Augustine]

*update*

Redid Rise of Zahul

[Brother Augustine]

All right, been a while, but one computer crash and a new OS later I have returned.

Really should check my original notes more often. "Kantor Ra" was supposed to be "Kontar Ra", would this work better, or is it still to close too Kantor?

[Octavulg]

The Argent Scorpions were created as a part of the 26th Founding after it was decided that the Laredus sector just north of Tau space would need to be

reinforced and the High Lords believed that a Space Marine chapter in the sector would prove to be ideal. The world of Zuberi, on the Northern border of Tau

space, was chosen along with the Gene-seed of Ferrus Manus.

 

The Tau didn't exist at the time of the 26th founding. It might be near Tau space now, but it wasn't then.

 

Homeworld

 

The Argent Scorpions’ homeworld of Zuberi is a desert world cast in perpetual night due to a cloud cover over the world that is believed to be the aftermath of an ancient nuclear holocaust. The people of the world have adapted over time so that even in the pitch-blackness of their world they can still see well enough to survive, however eyesight alone is not enough. The planet’s scarce supply of water, as well as the monstrous desert inhabitants force the people of Zuberi to fight for their survival every day making it a perfect place to recruit for the Chapter. The people of Zuberi are separated into two distinct categories spread out across seven continents, the settled Zuberans and the nomadic Midians. The Zuberans live in fortified cities ruled by Merchant Kings that own the limited technology on the planet that allows them to artificially create water, as well as provide fertile land for farming. These Kings then fund the soldiers that protect their cities providing employment of some form for the majority of the populace, either as guards or as farmers. In each of these cities there is a temple to the Gods at the city's center. It is customary for the Zuberans to bring their first born sons to these temples to be judged by the Emissaries of the Gods, giant warriors from the Underworld that look into the child’s future and measure his worth. However, it is also common for orphans and unwanted children to likewise be brought before the gods. The Midians, as nomads, travel constantly and are forced to survive in some of the harshest conditions imaginable on the planet. Monstrous predators, rival bands, and the constant threat of starvation and dehydration make these wanderers hardy folk indeed. From time to time in the aftermath of battles or or in the ceremonial games that some of the tribes engage in to show their worth to their fellow wanderers, these nomads catch the eye of the Emissaries as well and particularly promising individuals are taken off to the Underworld to serve the Gods in their wondrous armies. In the deep deserts, where even the Midians dare not tread, lie the portals to the Underworld; vast caverns that lead deep underground and consume all but the most worthy. It is in these lands that the Argent Scorpions make their base of operations, and the underground caverns are in actuality their fortress-monastery, the Keep of Shadows, named after the traditional fortress of the Gods in the mythology of their homeworld. Far away from the populace of their homeworld the Chapter trains its recruits, and launches its battle-brothers into the stars. In the caverns they have more advanced versions of the technology that allows the Zuberans their lifestyle, giving them all the water and supplies that they need. Also in the deep underground are mines rich with the resources the Chapter needs in order to craft the arms and armor with which they wage their eternal war.

 

Augustine, I'm going to introduce you to a new friend. This is Mr. Paragraph Break.

 

As you can see, Mr. Paragraph Break is very handy for separating ideas and making things easier to read.

 

Make him your friend, too.

 

While the brothers of the Argent Scorpions are Space Marines and are trained in all the ways of war, the Chapter as a whole prefers ranged combat to melee and favor the usage of the Devastator Squad over that of the Assault. However when the Chapter does require quick moving forces, they will typically utilize squadrons of Landspeeders and Bikes moving ahead of the rest of the force to strike at the enemy, while the remainder of the Chapter arrives via armored transport or drop pod in order to finish the enemy off.

 

Why do they prefer ranged combat, out of curiousity?

 

The Brothers of the Chapter also utilize a unique battle-cant in warzones. They speak plainly, but in a native language of Zuberi, spoken only by the Midian tribes of the deeper desert. Even Imperial traders who have visited the world in the past are rarely, if ever, taught this language as they primarily deal with the Zuberan tribes. As a result, the code is too difficult for outsiders to interperet if they do hear it, untill it is far too late and the meaning has made itself apparent.

 

Eh. Not sure what this really adds. Plenty of worlds would have their own dialects, and their use is only logical.

 

The Founders of the Chapter decided that while the teachings of the Primarch were an important part of their history they felt it was important for the Scorpions to forge their own beliefs system and distanced them from their parental ties and encouraged the growth of their own beliefs, being careful to steer them away from paths that would lead to Chaos, but overall standing back and letting the minds of the young Chapter grow.

 

*Blink blink*

 

Seriously? Such paragons of open-mindedness would seem very unusual in the 41st millenium, where blessed is the mind too small for doubt.

 

Gene-seed

The Gene-seed of the Argent Scorpions has developed one notable mutation. This the result of the population they recruit from. As the people of Zuberi have developed their eyesight over time in order to deal with the never ending night of their home-world, when the Occulobe is implanted into the aspirants it further enhances their night vision to the point where they can see well in nearly pitch blackness, even without their armor’s auto-senses. However, this is a double edged sword as when the brothers are exposed to direct sunlight, their eyesight is impaired significantly. As a result, on the battlefield it is highly uncommon for battle-brothers to remove their helmets unless they have been damaged.

 

And where does their geneseed come from? Also, I think all Space Mrarines can see in the dark...

 

* * *

 

Nice. Subtle, but there is a theme there, and while I doubt they're going to keep me up at night, I'm not going to purposely avoid them. A little bit more on their origins might be a good idea - a sidebar or two might also work well. I'd also be interested in seeing how you could weave their beliefs into other sections of their IA.

[Brother Augustine]

The Argent Scorpions were created as a part of the 26th Founding after it was decided that the Laredus sector just north of Tau space would need to be

reinforced and the High Lords believed that a Space Marine chapter in the sector would prove to be ideal. The world of Zuberi, on the Northern border of Tau

space, was chosen along with the Gene-seed of Ferrus Manus.

 

The Tau didn't exist at the time of the 26th founding. It might be near Tau space now, but it wasn't then.

 

The 26th Founding was the most recent and according to the on site timeline, occured 5 years before the Damocles Gulf Crusade by which point the Tau had been on the Imperium's mind for a few Decades.

 

Gene-seed

The Gene-seed of the Argent Scorpions has developed one notable mutation. This the result of the population they recruit from. As the people of Zuberi have developed their eyesight over time in order to deal with the never ending night of their home-world, when the Occulobe is implanted into the aspirants it further enhances their night vision to the point where they can see well in nearly pitch blackness, even without their armor’s auto-senses. However, this is a double edged sword as when the brothers are exposed to direct sunlight, their eyesight is impaired significantly. As a result, on the battlefield it is highly uncommon for battle-brothers to remove their helmets unless they have been damaged.

 

And where does their geneseed come from? Also, I think all Space Mrarines can see in the dark...

Yes they can, to a degree. The Occulobe allows them to see better in the dark than a normal human but in the case of the Scorpions this goes one step further, giving them nearly perfect vision in total darkness at the cost of intense sensitivity in the light.

Also, please do not take this the wrong way, but what is the relevance of where their geneseed comes from in reference to this quote?

 

Thank you kindly for your advice and tips.

[Brother Augustine]

First of all I would like to thank everyone that has helped with this again. I really do appreciate your suggestions and feedback.

 

And now on to business,

Polished Rise of Zahul a bit, and also tweaked the beliefs section. Let me know what you think, good, bad, too farfetched etc. Thanks for anything offered.