AngelOfDeathXIII Posted March 1, 2011 Share Posted March 1, 2011 So yeah, this is my first warhammer 40.000 based fanfic. A friend of mine who started with Imperial Guard 7 years agon created the fluff for the planet "Sparta" I build upon that fluff when creating my own regiment of the moon of Sparta... "Hellas Prime" The planets are located on the Eastern Fringe. I upload the story (and my minatures) on deviantart as well. http://reinoutjansen.deviantart.com/ Enjoy reading it. I'm looking forward to your feedback. “Enemy resistance thus far has been light. We have confirmed the presence of both tertiary and secondary Tau threats on Hellas.” Lieutenant Helion’s spoke in his platoon's vox-caster. After several moments he heard a reply: “Confirmed. Report know hostile numbers, equipment and casualties.” Helion silently cursed the adept who took his message. No matter how few enemies they had encountered thus far he didn’t feel one bit comfortable in hostile territory. In a hurried, hushed voice he made his report. “Thus far we have encountered a dozen “Pathfinders” and perhaps twenty Kroot Warriors. The “Pathfinders” were equipped with pulse rifles and the Kroot with their standard carbines. They were accompanied by five Tau engineers.” He took a glance at the two bound and gagged Tau in the corner of the small room. “We’ve taken eight casualties but the enemy has been destroyed. We have caught two of the engineers alive. Requesting to fall back to main camp so the prisoners can be questioned.” It remained silent for a while. “Negative.” said the adept. “You are to continue your scouting mission and locate all of the Tau forces in the city. You are to leave the prisoners hidden and retrieve them on your way back.” Helion took a couple of moments to calm down and then said: “Confirmed. We will report again in another hour.” “Confirmed Lieutenant Helion. The Emperor protects.” “The Emperor protects.” With a flick of his hand Helion shut down the communication line. Without even a thought he rose his hand in a clenched fist. The Spartan hand signal for everyone to gather around the commander. The survivors of his platoon hurried towards him. “Orders remain the same, we move into the city, and where possible we engage the hostiles. When not we report their position and equipment. We leave the prisoners hidden until we go back to base. The Emperor protects!” Helion shouted so all the men gathered there could hear him. “Hail the Immortal Emperor!” roared the forty men around him. Helion ordered two of his men to hide the two Tau. When it had been done he and his command squad walked outside again. He did so slowly covered by the lasguns of his men while he scanned the street and the building for enemy forces. When they had reached a crossing they halted. Helion's squad formed up in a semi-circle around him. When they had confirmed that there weren't any enemies in the immediate area Helion turned to the building were his men were waiting for his order and made two slashing moves with his hand. “No hostiles spotted, first two squads move to my position.” The first squad marched out of the building and also formed up in a semi-circle with all men covering an area. Meanwhile a second squad appeared and quickly lined up and covered the blind side of the first group. As the two squads moved closer to Helion and his Command Squad , Helion smiled for a short moment. “Nothing is more beautiful then Spartan efficiency.” he murmured. When the men had arrived and taken up position beside his own squad he repeated the hand sign. The rest of his men darted out of the building and in the same formation as the first two squads had done moved towards him. While they were marching Helion activated the short-range vox-com attached to his helmet. “Lieutenant Helion for Sentinel Squadron S2-Storm-Delta. Report on hostile movements. Come in Jason.” It remained silent for a while. “Thunderbolts! Come in” Helion said, resorting to the squadrons nickname. Just when Helion was about to ask Hera to bring out the long-range vox-caster his vox-com came to live. “S2-Storm-Delta “Thunderbolts”, reporting, we've scouted along the main roads until two clicks from your location. We've seen no Tau, the scanner isn't picking up anything either. What are your orders, sir?” Helion thought for a moment before he replied: “Extend search to city-border, stay on the main roads. Beware of snipers. Report any enemy you encounter but do not engage. Understood?” “Loud and clear lieutenant, today we are the Emperor's eyes, not his fists.” “Confirmed Jason, good luck and remember: the Emperor protects.” “The Emperor protects”. Helion killed the link. The rest of the platoon had taken up defensive positions. He gathered his command squad and sergeants around him and told them how neither the Sentinels nor the scanners had picked up any lifeforms within two kilometers. Veteran Sergeant Lukas said: “How sure is Jason? I know he is experienced enough to become a member of the Centaurs but he is still very young, and this is his first mission with the regiment. It is possible that his pride over his first mission caused him not to notice the enemy presence I'd say". “I completely trust his judgment.” Helion replied. “And beside that do you really think three other Sentinels would have missed the enemies as well? It doesn't matter anyway. We search the rest of the city, we do a building-by-building sweep, report on any enemy forces and if possible we engage them. We split up in combat squads. Make no mistake. Those aliens are out there. All troops are to remain in eye-contact with at least one comrade at all times. Confirm!” “Confirmed!” replied his officers. 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Warsmith Aznable Posted March 11, 2011 Share Posted March 11, 2011 Wall of text. This would benefit from formatting into paragraphs to make it readable. As-is it's an autocannon of information that makes you want to take cover instead of reading it. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/223708-first-warhammer-40000-fanfic/#findComment-2684995 Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelOfDeathXIII Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Wall of text. This would benefit from formatting into paragraphs to make it readable. As-is it's an autocannon of information that makes you want to take cover instead of reading it. xD Nicely phrased. I agree with you so I've tried to make it a bit more readable.. What do you think? Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/223708-first-warhammer-40000-fanfic/#findComment-2685182 Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShiftyWolf Posted March 22, 2011 Share Posted March 22, 2011 Not bad. You could split it up into paragraphs like what the other dude said, as in putting lines in between certain paragraphs to kind of break it up a bit. The lack of action isn't to much of a bad thing, seems like this was supposed to be a multi part story so as long as it made up for that lack in another part it wouldn't be to shabby at all. You could also add in a few parts with the lieutenant thinking in more depth but that's your call. All in all, needs a little expanding but its not to bad. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/223708-first-warhammer-40000-fanfic/#findComment-2697439 Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelOfDeathXIII Posted March 22, 2011 Author Share Posted March 22, 2011 Not bad. You could split it up into paragraphs like what the other dude said, as in putting lines in between certain paragraphs to kind of break it up a bit. The lack of action isn't to much of a bad thing, seems like this was supposed to be a multi part story so as long as it made up for that lack in another part it wouldn't be to shabby at all. You could also add in a few parts with the lieutenant thinking in more depth but that's your call. All in all, needs a little expanding but its not to bad. ly Thanks ;) Feels good to get some positive feedback. I'll start with using paragraphs from now on :P Sound only reasonable. I'll probably upload another part this afternoon and after that we finally get to the action ;). And I must say I find it difficult to put into words what the Lieutenant thinks... I do know that a lot of cursing would be involved :P ;) Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/223708-first-warhammer-40000-fanfic/#findComment-2697445 Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelOfDeathXIII Posted April 11, 2011 Author Share Posted April 11, 2011 Two hours of fruitless search later, Helion and his squad approached the ruins of what had once been an Adeptus Arbites building. In front was Trooper Kerbos with his heavy flamer. Behind him followed Sergeant Lukas with the platoon banner. In the middle marched Helion who focused his attention on the reports of the sergeants who were in the other buildings. None of the other squads had encountered anything during their search and the Thunderbolts hadn't spot anything unusual either. Behind Helion marched Trooper Hera with the vox-caster strapped on her back and the medic Typhon. When they entered the building a sharp crack echoed through the vox-coms in their helmets. “Helion to all squads. What was that noise?” It remained silent for several moments. Then Hera said: “The vox-caster just shut down without a reason.” “Damn it. Can anyone else hear something with your vox-coms?” After a moment Kerbos swore. “:P. My eye is dead.” Helion looked at the veterans face. Where just moment before his artificial eye had been glowing brightly now there was nothing but a dull red flickering. The last time something like this had happened was during the Tau invasion two years earlier, when Helion had led a raid against an Tau base all the machine-spirits had stopped functioning. “I don't like this.” Helion said ”We get out of here and gather the troops. Then we do a room-by-room sweep of the building.” The other Spartans nodded. They formed up and each covering a different approach they marched back the way they had come with the Spartan pace of 40 miles a day. When they left the building they heard another sharp crack and suddenly the vox-com was filled with voices calling out to Helion and his squad. “Silence!” Helion shouted over the vox-com. Within an instant the voices became silent. “Everything is alright, we haven't encountered enemy forces.” Helion continued. “I want all forces to report to me on the central plaza. You have 15 minutes. All squads, confirm.” Helion and his squad started marching towards the Square of His Undying Majesty while one by one the squads confirmed. When all the squads had responded Helion took out his data-slate. With a flick of his hand he scrolled down to a map of the city. The Arbites building they had entered was an isolated structure with only two entrances. They one they had used facing south, and at the other side facing north. When they arrived at the square about half of the troops were already there having taken a defensive position around the great, marble statue of The God-Emperor. Upon seeing it Helion heard Hera and Typhon saying a short prayer. Most of the other troops were marching unto the square at that moment. When they reached the defensive circle Helion gathered his sergeants and under the gaze of The Emperor he told them what had happened. Then he brought out his data-slate again and singled-out the Arbites building. With another flick of his hand he enlarged the building so all of his officers had a clear view. “The plan is simple. We move into the building by the same entrance we used just now. One squad guards the entrance to prevent enemy reinforcements from entry or hostiles from escaping. Jason and his squad guard the other entrance and patrol around the complex. We do a standard room-by-room search. Most of us know what the loss of vox-contact means. Our prey are in there. This time we don't take prisoners. Understood?” “Yes, sir!” “Good. Then we move out at once. The Emperor Protects!” “Hail The Immortal Emperor!” ---------------------- 'Kill the alien!' Helion shouted. With a deafening war-cry Helion and his men charged the aliens with drawn swords and the bayonets affixed to their lasguns. For some reason the Tau were able to fire their weapons even though the Spartans lasguns were almost useless. Helion saw three men around him fall to the Tau weaponry. Then they were among them. The first Tau rose his weapon to block Helions slash aimed at his neck. With his free hand he threw a punch towards the visor of the helmet. When it connected the Tau fell backwards but he was able to regain his balance. Even with less then a meter between them the Tau aimed his weapon at Helions chest. Helion used his free hand to smash the weapon aside. He slashed at his opponents throat. Helion was spattered with red gore as the Tau fell backward. Helion stepped over the body to confront his next opponent. In the brief fight with the first Tau he had dropped his carbine in his left hand he held a smaller pistol-like version of the weapon. With the other he pulled a sword from a sheath on his back. The weapon was shorter then Helions own and ended with a strange curve. Helion stepped to the right of his opponent then broke to the right and he swung his sword in the direction of his opponent. The Tau rose his own weapon to confront Helions. Neither of the warriors gave way. Helion stared in the eyes of his opponent, the only Tau in the room not wearing a helmet, an he gazed back with a look of utter hatred. A look Helion knew was in his eyes as well. Helion broke the visual contact with his opponent by landing a heavy boot against the Tau's right leg. The alien stumbled and in that moment Helion took his chance. Holding the sword with both hand his sword slashed trough the elbow joint of the aliens armour. Helion's opponent fell down while clutching the stump of what once had been his arm. Helion kicked the Tau in the face and he fell backward. The alien crawled to where he had dropped his pistol. He layed his hand on it but Helion crushed the hand under his boot. The Tau looked up with a pleading look on his maimed face. Helion lifted his leg. “In the name of the Emperor just die!” His sword buried itself in the Tau's face. He pulled the sword back and looked around. His men had finished off the other Tau. Helion counted fifteen Tau and five Imperial casualties. Helion swore. This was the sixth room which they had entered and twenty-four Guardsmen had fallen. Beside his command squad only twelve man were standing. Helion weighed his options. Six rooms of increasing resistance, according to the maps he had seen before they entered the building there were only two more rooms and a stairway before they reached the Arbites court. Helion made a decision. If they hadn't found the device which made their weapons useless in the courtroom they would retreat and bring news of the return of the Tau to General-Governor Chiron. Helion turned to the survivors of his platoon. They were in bad shape but a fire still burnt in their eyes. Hatred towards the aliens who tried to take yet another planet from the God-Emperor. Helion walked trough the door leading to the next room. His men grouped around him. He kicked in the door. “For the Emperor!” he cried. The troops around him echoed his cry as they stormed in the room expecting a greeting hail of plasma bursts. Nothing happened. The room was empty. The Spartans formed up and they crossed the room. The next room was empty as well. The Spartans moved towards the stairway. Still there were no Tau to be seen. They reached the double-blast doors depicting the Emperor in all his glory. One of the doors was wrenched from it's hinges and both the wall and the doors were ridden with the impacts of plasma bursts. Helion remembered the fight for the courtroom two years ago. Never would he have though that this time it would be he storming the room. “Incoming!” Helion ducked. Tau missiles soared over his head. He cursed. Five days had they held their ground here. Captain Menagon had led their company to the defense of the Arbites building. Two hundred Guardsmen and a hundred-and-fifty Enforcers had fought off waves of Kroot and Tau warriors for days. This morning they had retreated towards the courtroom. Fifty Guardsmen and twenty Enforcers remained. To make matters worse the Tau had received armoured reinforcements. The Tau missiles exploded behind Helion. He heard the cries of several men. He looked around. David, Axel en Sergeant Toine were dying. 'No.. Throne in flames.. NO!' He looked around. He and Kerbos were the last men of their squad not dead or dying. Around them men were dying, the hovering Tau tank firing clusters of missiles wreaking a bloody havoc amongst the men of the Imperium. He looked at Kerbos. He was covered in the dust of the building and the blood of their comrades. He covered one of his eyes with his hand while he held his shotgun in the other. With the other eye he looked at the hovering Tau tank. Helion knew he wasn't looking much better. “We have to take it out.. Before everyone else is dead as well.” Kerbos grunted in approval. -------------------------------- The second part of my Imperial Guard/Blood Angels fanfic. I also started the Blood Angel part.. You can read it on the Blood Angels subforum.. Link to comment https://bolterandchainsword.com/topic/223708-first-warhammer-40000-fanfic/#findComment-2720035 Share on other sites More sharing options...
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